Can someone be a narcissist without knowing?
Ab-so-felafeling-lutely!! I accused the Ex-N of this particular set of sins 2 years ago. Predictably, he played it off. For the longest time, I was under the impression he'd been called out before and was expert level deflecting his mental issues.
Fast forward back to more recent history, I found out quite the opposite in fact. I was going through his Google search history with a fine tooth comb and lo and behold! He had asked trusty Google what the definition of a narcissist was on the exact same day we'd initially conversed on the subject. My head low key exploded, my eyes were popping out in disbelief…the works. REALLY?!?! All that pain, the mistreatment, the dysfunctionality…and he had to felafeling Google it??!!
It spoke volumes upon volumes to me. Not one woman besides myself ever pointed out this teeny little issue with his mentality, let alone connected the dots enough to protest the injuries which occurred frequently when intimately involved with him. Sorry, let me rephrase. THE MASSIVE TITANIC SIZED ISSUES WITH EMOTIONAL WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION BUILT IN AS EXTRA SPECIAL FEATURES OF ANNIHILATION.
Whew. Even now I simply cannot wrap my brain around the concept that not only could he be blind as a bat to remain unaware til the age of 30, but no other lady either saw or was brave enough to express her dissatisfaction in regards to his extremely blatant relational problems.
Well, I'm here to take one for the team.
Trust me when I say….he is very aware now!
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Yes it is possible to be a narcissist and not realize it. Some narcissist come into self awareness. Most narcissist do not know they are narcissist. Some of them think they are good people who have made some mistakes. They do no see these patterns of behaviors and the excuses have been life long.
They make excuses for their behaviors saying things like I did not ask to be born this way, I can’t help the hand of cards that were dealt to me, everyone else does it I just got caught, you asked for it, it’s your fault if you would not have done this then I would not have done that. If they hurt you they feel like it’s your fault and you deserved it.
Some narcissist give themselves away and will brag about the things they said and did to others. They will say things like they don’t want to mess with me. You know me and I will mess them up. They think they are defending themselves while constantly looking for others to slight them. They think life has treated them unfairly and people are out to get them. They are the ultimate victim.
They only know they feel better after abusing you. They don’t realize they need narcissistic supply. They know they are being abusive. They understand they are abusive and some may have a feeling something is not right with them. They will have a million excuses for what that something is. For example some may drink and blame alcohol. Some will blame the pressures of work. Some will blame depression.
Narcissist want the world to think well of them. Most narcissist will help friends and strangers and never lift a finger for their family. People’s perception of them is very important. They will not want others knowing how abusive they are behind closed doors.
They are aware of their abusive behaviors. Abusing their wife, or partner supplies them. Even if they are not aware they are seeking narcissistic supply. Notice after hours and hours of arguing with you and tearing you down the narcissist can turn over and sleep like a baby.
While there are self aware narcissist who know exactly what they are many narcissist, the majority of narcissist do not know they are narcissist. And many think they are good people. I think it’s because they compare themselves to serial killers and if they are not a serial killer they think they are good people. They look at the serial killer and think I’m not that f*cked up.
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