As we get older, meeting new friends becomes more challenging.
Think about it, if you’re over 45 your last ‘new friends’ might have been from 10 or so years ago.
It’s challenging to meet new friends, and move beyond ‘small talk’. Here’s a few tips you might find helpful if you’re dating again, or just want to make some new friends in your area.
Ask genuine questions
Questions do serve a purpose when you’re getting to know someone. In fact, you’d probably have a hard time communicating without asking any questions at all.
But it’s important to make sure you’re asking questions you’re truly interested in. Not much of a film person? Don’t feel like you have to rattle off the age-old “Seen any good movies lately?”
Focus on questions that further a conversation
Consider how you’d feel if someone asked you a lot of questions that didn’t seem to have much purpose:
“What’s your middle name?”
“Do you have any pets?”
“What’s your favorite food?”
You’d probably feel overwhelmed, or even like you stumbled into an interview you weren’t prepared for.
Instead of asking random questions, let the conversation guide you, and look for cues from the other person. For example, if you notice a co-worker has a desktop background of dogs, you might say, “Oh, how cute! Are those your dogs?”
Remember, you don’t have to ask everything that comes to mind. People naturally reveal information about themselves over time.
If you keep talking to them, you’ll probably end up getting answers to even those questions you didn’t ask.
Avoid rapid-fire questions
Say you just met someone who seems really great. You can definitely see yourself becoming friends, maybe even something more. Once you feel that initial spark of interest, you want to know more about them ASAP.
But rattling off a lot of questions may not be the best move. Sure, you’ll find out key facts about the person, such as where they grew up and how many siblings they have. But one thoughtful question might give you even more information.
For example, if you want to ask about family, you could say, “Do you spend a lot of time with your family?” This will likely get you a better answer than simply asking if they have siblings.
Actively listen to their answers
If you’re genuinely interested in getting to know someone, you can’t just ask them questions. You also have to pay attention to their answers. You can use active listening skills to show someone you have a sincere interest in what they have to say.
Active listening means you participate in the conversation even when you’re not speaking.
How to do it… Give active listening a try by:
>making eye contact
>turning or leaning toward the person speaking
>nodding or making affirming noises while listening
>waiting to speak until they finish
>restating or empathizing with what they’ve said (“You broke your arm twice in one year? That must have been horrible, I can’t imagine.”)
You can try these tips with your current friends and partner or with some new friends.
If that doesn't work out, try lowering your standard of living with IMAGINARY FRIENDS.
