Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

Page 22 

What is the first sign that you have won against a narcissist?

I am a little surprised that people are saying that you cannot ‘win’ with a narcissist. They are, in fact, the easiest victory in the world. They are slaves to their ego and keeping the mask up and also suffer from profound insecurity.

They do not feel positive emotions like we do but they certainly are dominanted by negative ones, rage, jealousy, ect…

Once you have some experience with them and identify them, they can be hilariously easy to control. The key of course is not being emotionally invested in any way shape or form.

When they call say something like “I'm talking to somebody.. It's real important I'll call you back” Then never call back. They will undoubtedly call after waiting as long as they can and say ‘hey you said you were going to call me back”.. Response: “I totally forgot anyway let me tell you about this amazing thing that happened to me” (be sure to not even give the whiff that you would ever apologize).

Your doing this to help them. That's the motivation. Your super nice as always which will drive them nuts because you appear to be the same codependent fuel source but they can't get their hooks into you.

It's amazing, sometimes they seem to change and all the rage and craziness disappears and they are back to being complimentary and generous but that's just them changing tactics. Take advantage of it, take what they offer and give nothing in return and be sure to act like you were entitled to it. (in no way even hint at a thank you.)

Watching the narcissist try different approaches with you becomes very very amusing as you slowly cause them to doubt their ability. When possible point out how average or ordinary or boring their appearance/car/clothes/house /boat is and praise something bigger or better you saw elsewhere.

They will go to another fuel source to check that their game is still there but your actions will ALWAYS cause them to doubt themselves because of the constant and pervasive insecurity.

My absolute favorite is their attempt to apologize. When they get really desperate that is when the non apology apology gets used. The classic is I'm sorry if YOU felt hurt/upset ect.. The best answer is “I'm not hurt or upset my happiness depends upon me so I'm not clear what you are apologizing for?” They will squirm as you slowly walk them into a corner where the only thing they can apologize for is their own actions and behavior. It's freaking hilarious!
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Winning against the narcissist. The person who was your universe. The person who made you feel cherished, protected and loved. The person you felt so comfortable with. Shared your dreams about the future and your hurts of the past. The lover you trusted with your body. The soulmate you gave your heart to.

The one who you could not wait to talk to in the morning or snuggle to sleep with at night. They were your home. They housed your soul, your essence, your light. The broken parts we asked them to kiss and repair. The hope that is nestled in us, the joy we radiate, the love that knows no bounds, the inner sweet child was led gently by the hand and we whispered, "you can trust them.

We gave all of us freely to them. How do you win for you? This should be the question. How do we give the love, trust, hopefulness back to us ? Where do we find our light again ? We feel after such horrific and inhuman abuse that we are damaged. That we must prove ourselves. Our very dwelling is wrapped up in what the narcissistic did to us or how they seen us. In order to win we need to heal.

Yes, it was gruesome and agonizing treatment that we learned much from. We know our boundaries now. We are red flag chopping ninjas, but the true win is moving on and letting them to fester in their own cell block of being an incomplete human for the rest of their days . We move forward. We whisper to our inner child, "we can trust us now."
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You feel pity rather than hate or the need for revenge.

When it’s not about winning anymore and you’ve moved on, you just look at the broken shell of the person you gave all your love to and realised that no matter how much you bent yourself into whatever whim it was to make you more lovable to them each time, they were never going to be capable of loving you, and actually would never be capable of loving anyone else either.

Realising that this person would always be empty and devoid of the real feelings they convinced you they had because it really was an illusion they created to somehow fill the emptiness inside. The realisation it really wasn’t you who did anything wrong and that you only tried to make someone feel happy and they were just incapable of having that wonderful feeling that you are now free to share with someone who can, it’s no longer a battle, you just feel sad for them knowing they are empty. That’s when you’ve “won”.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-first-sign-that-you-have-won-against-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

Is it normal for a narcissist to hurt your feelings?

Oh Yes !!

Hurting you Isn't Something Narcissists Do by Accident.

In all the jabber about narcissism, the worst noise is this idea that hurting you is something narcissists do by accident.

If you get nothing else out of "What Makes Narcissists Tick," get the message that frees you of that ridiculous belief. Which is nothing but a baseless assumption.

I don't ask you to take my word for this. Test what I say when I say that narcissists hurt you on purpose. Anyone can test any narcissist.

Here's how. The next time the narcissist is hurting your feelings or making you feel low, let your feelings show and tell him or her how they are making you feel asking them to stop it.

Be prepared for a shock. Any normal human being would soften and let up, but a narcissist will do exactly the opposite !
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It is definite that a Narcissist will hurt your feelings and much more. They will not only hurt your feelings, but they will also destroy your emotional well-being, self esteem and mutilate your self worth. They will manipulate, lie, cheat, steal and whatever else imaginable that is hurtful.

Additionally, Narcissists do Not care one way or the other how you feel. Because it’s Not about you and Never will be. Narcissists are self centered, disrespectful, unapologetic, demanding, compulsive liars who refuse to take responsibility for anything. They are masters of manipulation and blame shifting.

They will have you convinced that it’s something that you did that caused your feelings to get hurt. It’s not their fault, it’s yours. So yes, it’s expected for a Narcissist to hurt your feelings on a regular basis because your feelings will Never be validated.
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ABSOLUTELY! And 100000% because they want to and THEY CAN! And they’ll still turn it around and make it YOUR FAULT! My ex did this constantly, all with throwing in an “I’m joking” sometimes at the end. But never remorse and definitely no apology.
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Totally normal, thats what they do for sh!ts and giggles.

https://risingabovenarcissism.quora.com/Is-it-normal-for-a-narcissist-to-hurt-your-feelings

[tellomon]

What is the typical behavior of narcissists towards those who publicly disagree with them?

THE MOST TYPICAL ONE,

Is trying to silence that person.

Happens all the time.

You see it right here on Quora.

Your comment getting reported and then they block you.

In real life, they'll smear you to the people who bore witness to their perceived humiliation, in an attempt to invalidate your claims.

On a grander scale,

Like in Robert Telles’ case,

They will dress up like a Mexican construction worker,

And kill you.

In any case, you're to be silenced.
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Not well. Firstly, they have to win any argument or even the slightest disagreement. They will use any tactic possible to prove you wrong. This includes lying, making things up, claiming you are lying and making things up and gaslighting ( that's not what happened! You're WRONG!!!)

It's absolutely exhausting when you disagree with a narc. You definitely end up feeling like you're losing your mind.

Secondly, in my experience they get way over emotional over the tiniest disagreement or if you assert yourself and they don't like it. You'll get shouting, tears, throwing things …or…the silent treatment followed by a ridiculous long e mail pointing out how right they and how wrong they are.

Most importantly, do not stop saying if you disagree with them. Be firm. You will be told to “ stop shouting” even as you speak calmy and clearly. They hate people disagreeing with them so much, to them, it feels like you're shouting.

If you let these tantrums put you off speaking your mind, they win and you will become a shadow of yourself.
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They are totally insulted that you don’t recognize them as far more knowledgeable about the subject. It challenges their inflated ego and imagined sense of importance. I think deep down, it hits a very tender nerve. Don’t stop disagreeing if you don’t share their opinions. Someone has to challenge them or they will continue to bully others.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-typical-behavior-of-narcissists-towards-those-who-publicly-disagree-with-them

[tellomon]

Can people go insane from narcissists' abuse?

Absofuckinglutely.

These hideous human beings can not only drive people to insanity but to suicide. They will remorsely take and break you and will get a rock on hard on (metaphorically speaking) when they do so.

All of us, have relationships. Parents, siblings, relatives, friends, colleagues, bosses etc etc. I would say that the relationship however, that is most exposed to a narcissists abuse is that of an intimate one. I don’t care what you say.

As a female, there is no bigger intimacy than letting someone physically penetrate you. It is when we are at our most vulnerable, physically certainly, for me emotionally also. That is the one relationship, where, I let all my guards down. That person is MY person, my team mate.

The narcissist aligns to that. Revels in your guards coming down. Invites that you are your most intimate and revealed state. Tells you that they feel the same. Then, from that place of (what should be) sacred beauty, they abuse in the most intimate and twisted of ways. Can that drive someone insane? Yes.

Do I think at times with my nex, he drove me to a brink? Yes. Do I think someone less resilient could have been broken by him? Yes. Do I think he could one day drive someone to insanity/ suicide? Yes. I think if he thought he could get away scot free he would do it on repeat and it would actually be the pinnacle of what he wanted to achieve.

They hunger for power and control. What greater power is there than being able to say ‘wasn't me’ whilst deep down knowing that it was, in fact, entirely them? Sobbing abjectly in public at their loss ‘I knew she was unwell I never knew she was this unwell’ and gaining supply from all the sympathy. Then finally going home, unmasking and sitting back, glass of whisky in hand, revelling in their achievement and already plotting the downfall of their next supply.
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Absolutely yes. I personally believe it’s their goal. One of the many insidious goals they have. Your mindset is beyond crucial so they start with that or at least try to. Trying to have their so called significant other, their so called supply or target commit suicide would seem to be a bonus to them.

Never doubt yourself. Not ever. Forever listen to your gut. Run before you may not be able to. They are absolutely capable of doing harm brain wise and otherwise to the best of the best. Evil exists. There is no cure. Truth has no agenda. GET OUT
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Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

Narcissists work together to keep their prey spinning around like the Tasmanian devil.

To me, going insane is the feeling I would get when NO ONE (they were ALL narcs) would listen, all of my words were being twisted, and my reality constantly questioned. And that is what it feels like to be abused. Add decades to the mix. Was I insane? No. I felt that way because I was surrounded by gaslighters. I NEEDED to discipline myself, my mind, and to be present so I could observe what was actually going on. In order to do this I had to be ALONE and sober.

Narcs want and need their prey to look insane. Regardless, they plant negative smears way back in the beginning of your meeting… So. You LOOK insane. Are YOU insane? Nah. You are in control of you, but only if you are healed. If you are not healed, you will continue on CRAZilY in their evil toddler game.

Get alone. Discipline. Sober. Heal.

Actions MUST equate words.
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Yes ma'am if you let it go that far. I almost did. I winded up being put in a mental health center and we thought I was never going to come out of it.

I was afraid to leave him from him brainwashing me for about a year after he tried to kill me by poisoning me.

He had me believing if I brought charges against him he would hurt my youngest son. He knew we were close.

He was also putting heroine in my hemp cream he was putting on my back.

So the answer is yes if you let it. I'm hope no one has ever went through a near death experience like I did.

If you are in a situation with anyone that your gut feeling is telling you something is wrong, get away from them. That means something is wrong and don't stick around like I did and go against your gut feeling.
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Yes.

Depression. Paranoia. Emotional instable. Strong emotions. Suicidal. Catatonic. Insomnia/wild nightmares. You lose part of your Self. Mania.

At two different times I almost went into psychosis, I lost grip of reality, lost my short-term memory and things were spinning around. Both times for about an hour, but it was nasty and connected to a harsh discard.

The gaslighting and intermittent reinforcement makes you lose your inner reference and the hurtful cold behavior make you go into depression and become suicidal. The love bombing can make you feel and act a bit manic.

It's really bad.

PS: I forgot racing thoughts. This one comes early on, trying to understand and to anticipate and handle ongoing and upcoming actions of the narc. This is the most important symptom to look out for, since it comes first.

https://www.quora.com/Can-people-go-insane-from-narcissists-abuse

[tellomon]

Does a Narcissist accuse others of being narcissistic?

Yes, they do. Usually, pathological narcissists accuse their victims of being narcissistic if they start focusing on themselves to recover from narcissistic abuse and to get rid of their toxic relationship.

Narcissists try to make you feel guilty if you take care of yourself. But the main problem is that you are not sure about yourself, about what you are, and you believe in whatever the narcissist says about you.

So be careful: if you have a narcissistic partner it means that you have some characteristics that put you in danger of becoming prey to psychopathic manipulators.

Narcissist’s victim generally has three features: hyper-activated attachment system, need to please, and strong internal critic.

There are also some beliefs that guide your action and make you become a victim of narcissists:

· I must sacrifice to feel loved;

· My needs are not that important;

· I am afraid to speak up about my needs;

· I secretly believe that if my partner can intuit what my needs are, then that will mean that he truly loves me;

· If I give my all, my partner will eventually reciprocate and realize how loveable I am;

· If I continue giving, loving, and doing everything for my partner, that guarantees that He will never abandon me because I am so caring.

It is important to recognize why you are giving. Are you giving so you can get attention and love in return? Are you giving to improve your self-worth? If yes, you would be the perfect victim for a narcissist. You must set up a boundary when it comes to giving.

Other signs that may make you susceptible to the clutches of the narcissist include:

· Minimizing your preferences

· Neglecting yourself

· Not enjoying yourself due to a sense of shame or guilt that you should not be enjoying yourself

· The need to please

· Extreme fear of failing to meet the expectations of people you care about

· Pride. In the sense that you think you have the capacity to change a person into who you want.

The issue is that we exhibit all of these signs unconsciously and it is the more reason you should pay attention to your own behavior and thoughts. If you pathologically give and please in order to get some sort of “love trophy” and justify to people that you are good and nice, then you are setting yourself up to attract more narcissistic relationships.

To resolve this situation a dialogue with a therapist is necessary. You can start by developing your experience, informing yourself about the dynamics of the narcissistic relationship by reading books, but surely the advice of a professional is required.
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Yes. A friend said to me “the things we find most repulsive in the world” are things we see in ourselves and his sentiment is by no means incorrect. In the end, it really is all about projecting. Narcissists are the biggest hypocrites, and some of the best.
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Here's how this goes, I've seen it in action:

Narc: You're a narcissist! You lie all the time!

Me: name one time, I'm sorry but I don't understand.

Narc: That time you said you were going to meet that customer and you didn't!

Me: You gave me the wrong address and no phone number.

Narc: I know I gave it to you correctly!!

Me: You admitted afterwards that you may have transposed a number.

Narc: you're LYING!!!

Me: Maybe I'm missing something or losing my mind. I honestly don't think it went that way. I thought this was history. I apologize.

Narc: You're just a liar and a narcissist!!! You should work on that. You just piss people off.

I've had so many conversations like this. Makes me really examine myself and how I'm getting through life just pissing people off everywhere. Then I ask a couple of friends, “Am I a narcissist? Am I hurting people? I honestly don't try. Maybe I'm screwing up and am not aware of it.”

Been there so many times. Does this seem like the same scenario, same ole story, to you?
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Yes. Every f*cking day. Lol.

That's how I know I'm doing the right thing.

I take it as a compliment.

They are so predictable.
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Just as most of the other answers already state… hell yes.

I have seen this happen here on Quora so. many. times.

Accusing another person of having NPD is very revealing. Just saying.

It’s insane, too, because it’s so ridiculous.
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Most definitely they do.

That which they know is within them ~ What they are capable of ~ How they are behaving ~ All of their negative traits and behaviours ~ They will project onto others.

Constantly.

Unfailingly.

They are always the Victim.

They will never take responsibility or accountability for any troubles ~ Their own toxicity ~ Or the demise of any relationship whatsoever.

It is after all, the only way they know how to be, sadly.

https://www.quora.com/Does-a-Narcissist-accuse-others-of-being-narcissistic?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

Why are narcissists so
mean and vengeful?

Because it makes them "happy" to destroy you.

Inside their warped heads, they think they're actually doing you a favour too.

Tearing you down, stealing all of your money, your home, your car, destroying your finances, cheating on you, lying, etc., it's all a way to strip you down to nothing.

They rationalise this in their warped brains as you learning to "build yourself back up."

They want to lord it over you, and teach you a lesson, just for having your own opinions, beliefs, etc.

It's not good enough that you were good to them, and supportive. They will tear you down simply because they can.

It's that simple.

That's why you never give them an inch.

Plus, they are envious and sadistic.
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For one, it’s because they are unhappy with themselves. Narcissists know that they could never take the gaslighting and criticism/withholding that they dish out to their victims. Double standards are how they roll.

People who are at ease with themselves as the works in progress we all are and who have faith in love and kindness beyond their own works aren’t usually mean and vengeful people.

So, if a person knows good and well that they’re a narcissistic troll with negligible life/social/love skills, they’re not going to be kind and gracious people, by nature.

Narcissists are typically jealous, insecure and naturally pissed, as a general trait - it goes with their narc pathology. Real charmers, right?!

Also, it’s because narcissists don’t like to take accountability. It’s always someone else’s fault…the perpetual dog that ate their homework vibe.

Unless there’s a rare time when you’ve had enough, and they know they have to back off, that’s when narcs show a false kindness and sense of security like when they first met you and were never going to hurt you and you were the best thing to ever happen to them.

Their brief display of kindness is, for them, a reset so they can catch you off guard later…but as anyone who has gone back to a real narcissist knows - it doesn’t last long. Not even three hours or a full day or week, depending on how sick they are.

This is partly why narcs use the constant word salad/what-about-what-you-did? loop all the time, to throw blame and doubt on to you so that - in their twisted plan - you will just get exhausted, give up/in, and help them shine while you lose your spark that attracted them to you in the first place.

Narcs always want what they don’t have, right? This is the supply - the attention - they feed on, negative or positive. As long as you’re engaging them, they will never stop.

P.S. For all of the people who say that low-self esteem is why people get saddled with these kinds of people, think of all the people you know who were radiant and gorgeous before getting drained by a narcissist until they regenerate and bloom upon leaving such toxic people and situations.

Choose an emotionally/spiritually healthy partner or friend, not the broken toy who wants to break you too.

Avoid these types of people and move on - you will celebrate that you did! Just give it time. The pain of the breakup will hurt at first, but wounds heal, especially when you’re the one who refused to allow yourself to be abused, mentally or physically, anymore.

Staying and exposing yourself to serious consequences is far more tragic than leaving someone who does not deserve you. You can’t fix them, but you can allow yourself to heal. There are literally billions of loving people on this Earth to choose from who don’t want to hurt you or wreak havoc on your life and soul.
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They don't have to. They choose to be mean, because they enjoy the rush of their dominance and cruelty. Evil is a choice.

Experts tell us NPDs were trained from early childhood to become Narcissists, but fail to explain the fact that some abused children become empaths, others become Narcissist.

Unless we are hit by schizophrenia, we have free will. Narcissists use their free will to hurt others, because they love it.
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Because they are spoiled, indulged, little bullies. They have not experienced enough consequences to make them think twice about taking something too far.

People frequently “back-down” in the face of their abuse, and so the narcissist’s behavior gets reinforced and they continue with it indefinitely.

Additionally, they are emotionally underdeveloped and they do not want to put any effort into controlling themselves.
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Narcissist behaviour is an orchestrated series of lies and misinformation initiated by people as a method of damage control in the event of them being exposed.

Narcissists use a calculated (and effective) series of lies and gossip to deliberately bring their target down and make themselves look good. There can be many reasons such as you seeing them for who they really are, to discredit you should you decide to expose them, jealously, resentment, feeling threatened by you, or a simple disagreement. The victim of a smear campaign often finds themselves isolated and or ostracised by family and people who they once thought of as friends.

By the time the victim finds out about the back stabbing and betrayal, it’s too late, the damage has been done. No one believes them. Their credibility has been undermined, their character assassinated. The narcissist has painted a dark picture of their target and any denials only add fuel to the narcissist’s version of events.

The narcissist often starts a smear campaign long before a relationship comes to an end. They plan ahead knowing that none of their relationships end well, so when that time comes, they have already persuaded friends and basically anyone who will listen to them, that their target is unstable.

They lie, spread malicious gossip and twist the truth in an effort to destroy their victim’s character and reputation. Abusers often use other people to do their dirty work for them. They will use third parties to abuse their target. Because this form of abuse is indirect, it results in them looking like an innocent party.

Maintaining their image is paramount. They’ve done this before and are well practised in manipulating and controlling people. Practice makes perfect and sadly they are often believed.

Smear campaigns are often initiated within the family unit. The narcissist alienates their target from family members once again by lies and gossip. The narcissist recruits other family members, who become enablers to help ostracise their victim.

Anyone who is seen as a threat to a narcissistic personality within the family may be considered a target. For example simply being a younger sister deemed more popular than the narcissist, or who has shown to be more qualified professionally, is enough to make them a target of a smear campaign. The victim in these circumstances may find themselves being bullied, isolated, blamed, or ostracised by their family, none of which they’re guilty of or aware of.

Make no mistake; the narcissist knows their target is a good person. They know exactly how they are making their target feel by their betrayal. They simply don’t care as long as they, themselves, come out of the situation smelling of roses.

Some will take great pleasure and feel a sense of power by simply knowing that they are the cause of another’s pain and emotional distress. By their manipulation, they are in control of their target’s emotions and of their relationships with others. They display absolutely no remorse or shame in the psychological harm and trauma that they cause to their victim.

https://risingabovenarcissism.quora.com/Why-are-narcissists-so-mean-and-vengeful

[tellomon]

Why does it hurt more than
anything that a narcissist shows no remorse?

Because it’s so alien to the substance of your very being. It’s beyond comprehension. They’re not human! It’s HORRIBLE! It’s WRONG! It’s POISON! ……. They know what they’re doing they know full well what they’re doing.

It’s a crime so much worse than murder that there is no comparison.
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Narcissists are afraid of rejection, and therefore their fears will constantly be played out repeatedly on their victims. Once you have proven your are flawed and no longer special to your narcissist, devaluation begins. This is where your beloved will start to pick fights over nothing.. testing your limits and then blaming you for overreacting or taking them seriously.
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It hurts so much because from a decent human beings perspective, it’s hard to comprehend the fact that someone could be so cold and cruel. It’s hard for our brains to wrap around the fact that none of it was ever real in the first place, which is why they show zero remorse.

They are incapable of feeling remorse which is also a diffIcult concept to grasp. BUT We’re actually grieving the loss of ourselves if you think about it. We’re grieving the person we once were before we met this individual.

We sit here, alone, emotionally beaten down. The narcissist “mirrors” us in the beginning. We miss that person. But if they were “mirroring” us, it means we MISS OURSELVES! So that hurt stems from us missing our old self, in my opinion.
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A narcissist cannot show remorse because they don't know what that is. They're not capable of loving someone, caring for someone if it is not themselves. They are first second and third in their life. We are just a decoration a facade in their life.

Just so they can show the world that they fit that role of normalcy. But they are far from being normal. They have no empathy, no sympathy, no remorse. They just care about themselves and what they want.

From my experience with my ex husband. His mom and dad never really showed him love. He was raised by a grandmother. His grandmother couldn't take care of him, gave him back to his parents at the age of 15. His mom was a career lady, never home always at work.

His Dad was very strict and was trying to do the mom and dad thing. So my ex husband never made his dad proud and his mom always defending him and getting him out of trouble. My ex husband formed a shield around himself to not feel hurt.

He became a narcissist. So remorse he will never have. To admit that he has done something wrong is not in his vocabulary. I hope I shed some light on your question. God bless.
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If you are a codependent, like I used to be, subconsciously, you always seek other people’s approval and validation, because you don’t trust yourself enough, and you determine your self-worth based on other people’s opinions of you. Therefore, if your partner doesn’t show you remorse for the things they have done, you start to believe that it is actually your fault that they did that to you, because you weren’t good enough to receive better treatment.
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Because whatever they have done to you in their mind you did something to them first to deserve it. They will tell themselves this even if you have done nothing so in their mind they are blameless and everything is your fault. You will never be able to reason with them. Best to detach emotionally, they feed from your emotional reactions.

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/Why-does-it-hurt-more-than-anything-that-a-narcissist-shows-no-remorse

[tellomon]

What happens when you
no longer play into
a narcissist's games?

Once the narcissist realizes the game-playing will not work with you anymore, they will try a new or a different approach just to get your attention. Once they know that you're onto them, they will create unnecessary chaos and drama to deflect the attention away from them in hopes of gaining control over you again. They may ghost you so you may not hear from them for a while, and then abruptly you will receive a phone call, an email, or a text message. This is their way of testing the waters to see if you will let them back in. Their behavior is their way to cope and survive because they will not ever stop playing games with people. So, if you remove yourself from playing games with them, they will simply find another victim to play with.

It is imperative that you recognize the traits of those that want to control and dominate you is key to claiming your personal power. Those with narcissistic personality are unaware that despite their relentless efforts to gaslight you into submission, you have maintained some sense of clarity of thought, self-worth, and the ability to question the reality that they tried to create for you.

So, not playing means no contact, no looking on their social media, no reply or response to them or their flying monkeys. It means detoxing, self-reflection, engaging in your self-worth, and finding your power again by releasing yourself from this unhealthy toxicity that you were entangled with.

Here is the key takeaway: narcissists hate playing alone; they need supply to feed into their emptiness. Narcissists can only play a match of basketball with you only if you throw the ball back to them.

The moment you refuse to throw the ball back into their court by walking away, it then becomes a game over for the narcissists. May you know the signs, may you know the traits and red flags, and may you never become their toy to be played with.
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That's where I'm at now, I'm no contact and I'm in the process of healing but they will still hoover because they still want to try and ruin your life. Who cares what happens when you stop playing the game, they literally will replace you with someone that doesn't know better. stay strong and just stay away.
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This is when they discard you. You are no longer amusing if you make one little mistake in their eyes.
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This is when they discard you. You are no longer amusing if you make one little mistake in their eyes.

They do anything and everything to try and hurt you, of course if you expect it it's not so shocking, especially if you have come to terms with how ruthless they can be, it's like they don't have a damage control button, then they latch on to a down grade that is as low as they are because the down grade doesn't have a problem with their behavior.
They do not care. They continue to stone wall you.

They become very angry and unglued. If they cannot have power and control over you then they turn you into the enemy. They will continue to run their narcissistic games like lying and being secretive. And you will then probably be discarded

Expect that the narcissist in question will rage, either externally or internally, and expedite your eventual discard once a replacement has been secured. In the interim, the narcissist will probably try to teach you a lesson for having the audacity to not do as you were told.

If you’re not already being devalued by the narcissist, you soon find your way on the path that leads to your eventual discard.

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/What-happens-when-you-no-longer-play-into-a-narcissists-games

[tellomon]

Why does a narcissist keep
smiling while they engage in
emotionally abusing their target?

They enjoy other person's suffering. Why? Because this is how they feel inside themselves most of their lives. Misery loves company.

So in the moment when another person is really hurting, narcissist feels better. It's also because narcissist wants to matter, so his ability to emotionally hurt someone presents to him a proof that he matters.

It's similar to a child creating a mess just to get mum's attention. The difference between that toddler and a narcissist is that toddler won't enjoy if his mum starts crying, while narcissist will. I believe most narcissists are sadistic.

I have seen smirk on both exNs faces and it's a real and disturbing thing to see. In those moments when you expect that narcissist will act with compassion, he smirks and tries to hide his enjoyment. It's a very ugly thing to see and makes one realize that not all people are human - though they look like they are from the outside.
_________________________________

It makes them feel good when they’re abusing their target. They hate you. They feel temporary happiness, so you get a smile, grin, or the narcissistic smirk the more they torture you.

They enjoy seeing the victim's response. Seeing them uncoordinated, upset, distressed.

It gives them a great sense of control and power.

They caused that reaction upon that person because the person cares about them, has feelings for them.

They feel entitled to making that person react in that manner.

The victim's response is the outcome of the abuser's manipulation. The greater the damage, the more pleasure for the abuser.

That person is allowing and giving the power to the narcissist, to treat them that way, all in the name of love.

And the narcissist has no clue what love is or feels like.

Isn't that a kick in the pants?!!

What a joke on the victim!

The narcissist is feeling glorious with attention!

If you're reading this and you're a victim, do you think this is love?
_____________________________________

The smile is because they simply can't hide how happy they are to feel the power, control, and superiority they feel by being able to cause 'emotional pain' in another person. The 'smirk' is a blatant, in your face, gotcha, beat you, show of disrespect to the 'loser'.

They can claim the 'smile' is an attempt to 'cheer up' the person in 'emotional pain' when in reality they simply can't hide how happy they are to feel in 'control' of that person's emotional pain.

They can deny the 'smirk' and claim it was a smile.
They can really belittle the person's emotional pain with a smile and say "I was thinking about something else." or "Why can't you just be happy FOR ME?".

Once you have repeatedly seen that inappropriate smile and that condescending smirk, mirror that 'smile' the next time they are telling one their 'victim' stories and watch THEIR reaction. When he/she looks at you like they could kill you and says "What's so f'ing funny?, keep smiling and say "I was just trying to cheer you up" and see how that goes over.

Then as he/she is raging at you, give him/her a half smile 'smirk' and claim you are 'just smiling' or 'thinking about something else'. He/she WILL NOT get what you're doing or WHY you are doing that, but their reaction and what they say WILL damn sure tell you WHY they do that. One of the first things he/she will tell you is that "You just don't care about ME or MY feelings" and that is one hell of a punishable 'injury'.

ANY person who is in emotional pain that is 'caused' by the narcissist should stay the hell away from the smiling, smirking narcissist if they don't want MORE 'emotional pain'.

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-a-narcissist-keep-smiling-while-they-engage-in-emotionally-abusing-their-target

[tellomon]

They create chaos when they open their mouth.
Narcissists Who Create Chaos

Lacking inner peace, narcissists inevitably spread chaos as they go. Dr. Les Carter highlights many of their favorite tactics, then explains what is really going on inside their troubled minds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uyGgjyxg3M

[tellomon]

Evil is actually pretty stupid as some exorcists have said:
"It's very predictable and lacks creativity and innovation".

Disturbing Mind of a Narcissist: How they Think makes them Extremely Predictable

Revealing the predictable patterns of behavior exhibited by narcissists, including their tendency to prioritize their own interests, project their wrongdoings onto others, and resist accountability. Learn how to recognize and respond to these behaviors in a safe manner and get back the control and the upperhand from the narcissist


@lilfairycupcake
1 month ago
the many narcs ive been around all had one thing in common, lack of intellect.  this includes my 4.0 genius brother, and ex gf who had no issue with telling me how smart she was at least once a month. predictable is almost a understatement.


@doranvee5944
1 month ago (edited)
Win at all cost. There is no active listening, nor appreciating another's view. They hear what they want, to argue even more. Ruthless!


@Lifechants
4 weeks ago
Extra dangerous when they actually have high IQ but no common sense. Still predictable, just more sinister games and manipulation attempts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAinr1Nq2Cs

[tellomon]

"It doesn't matter what they think - it really doesn't".
Absolutely! It's like someone robbing your home and
you caring about their opinion of your decor.
How & Why Narcissists
Create Opponents

@darlene-MamaD
1 year ago
From my experiences, 
this behavior can be quite rampant in a toxic workplace.

@StillAwakeAwareDiscerning
1 year ago
Narcs wanting and needing an adversary is at the heart of scapegoating.

@icalotdonthide2646
1 year ago
That's why when identified, I don't care about right or wrong anymore, I just want them away from me by any means possible. They are not rational and talking to them is a fking brick wall.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9V11F27aBxM

[tellomon]

"The single greatest waste of psychic energy is explaining/defending yourself to someone who has a pathological need to control you"
Narcissists Want You To
Follow The Script

@shelley7975
2 years ago
Yes, the blank look when you are trying to have a conversation about something important to you.  I'm over it.


@MichaelSmith-jz7xg
1 year ago (edited)
Love is a game to them. It makes them so uncomfortable they have to accuse you of the most outrageous things in order to pull the rug out from under you and make you look like a fool. They have to have the upper hand at all times because they are arrested, dysfunctional, helpless & delusional about our true intentions.


@gloriadonahue7241
2 years ago
This isn't just with conversation either. They get furious if you don't do what they think you should have done.


@harmonyvaneaton4101
6 months ago
I was told I had to come to them, in private, to ASK permission to hold my own opinion, thought, or feeling.  That I was not to speak unless asked a direct question.  These people aren't well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEQggqyYlUM

[tellomon]

When you find yourself asking for human decency. When you have to explain respect to a grown person. Just know you're dealing with a narcissist.
Explaining To Narcissists:
A Reality Check

@monicahocking1507
2 years ago
I spent over 40 years explaining over and over again. The most draining experience of my life. Now facing the same thing with some of my children. Nope. Not doing it anymore.


@bruceyamamoto99
2 years ago
This is such a simple but impactful perspective of dealing with narcissists.  I believe we often forget, the narcissist are incapable of thinking the way we do. They are like a computer which run on a different operating system.


@speedyb5434
2 years ago (edited)
I've had 2 narcissistic girlfriends in my life. When we get into a disagreement of any sort and I start to "explain" my side or point of view they would turn to me and say "stop complaining ". It can be so frustrating on my end because I'm NOT complaining I'm EXPLAINING!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vbayk3N1L4

[tellomon]

Why is it important to
ignore a narcissist?

Because if you give them the time of day they will take your life. They exemplify “if you give them an inch they’ll take a mile”.

If you say “hi” , in their mind it is because you LOVE them. Hell, you WORSHIP them.

If you do them the tiniest favor….. they expect HUGE favors. You are now targeted as one who WILL DO for them.

Their ENTIRE goal in life is to find the ones they can USE. The ones who WILL DO !!!!

Your best bet is to TOTALLY IGNORE them. It is the only way they ever come to realize that you’re onto them and their sick game.
__________________________________

As a survivor of Narcissistic abuse it is important to ignore the Narcissist for the following reasons:

Narcissists are toxic. Exchanging energy with Narcissists is damaging to your health and well being. Survivors of N abuse take years to heal. They cannot heal while still engaging with a Narcissist. Survivors of N abuse need positive people around them to heal.
Narcissists don't love anyone especially themselves so why would survivors of N abuse want to be with someone who is fake?
Narcissists destroy lives. Nothing good comes out of a relationship with a Narcissist.
___________________________________

I disagree with the premise raised in the question - that a narcissist should never be ignored.

Narcissists are nasty, horrible people, and the very best way to handle them is by ignoring them.

Look, you already know they’re trashing you, your reputation, your lifestyle, your friends, intimate details (real or lies - makes no difference), so why on earth would you want to continue any form of contact with them? You can no more control what they’re saying about you than you can control the wind.

Let them get on with the trashing - sooner or later they might realize they’ve been boring everyone to death with the same (yet always newly embellished) victim stories - everything is always your fault, of course. Inevitably. But they’ll probably keep it going - they think they’re endlessly fascinating.

What else do NPDs have left in their arsenals? Really? If that’s it, then you’ve already been through it. The people who believe the NPD’s version never knew you, anyway. They’ve been suckered big time. Just like you were.

Tell them to f*ck off, and then continue to live your life, your way, and like you mean it.

https://www.quora.com/Why-is-it-important-to-ignore-a-narcissist?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

Standing up for yourself is self preservation,
standing up for others is an act of nobility.
The Courage To Stand Up
To A Narcissist

How many times have you thought: "I'm so tired of the way the narcissist treats me"?   But futility settles in because efforts to find a reasonable middle ground fall flat.  Dr. Les Carter carves a clear path for you to stand up to that person's mistreatment in a manner that empowers you even as you stay out of unruly power games.


@Snibble
4 days ago (edited)
Standing up to a narcissist only provokes them to double down.
1. Don’t get angry
2. Don’t try to convince them.
3. Don’t try to excuse or explain yourself.
4. Don’t try to make things right.
Just say you have a different opinion and you are entitled to have one.
See them soak and put themselves in victim mode and leave it to what it is.


@mancdec
4 days ago
Have come to this conclusion... There's no reasoning with them..shows exactly who they are.


@markjayw666
4 days ago
Oh I been “standing up!”  Since 7/8/22 been fighting for custody of my beautiful child against a Sociopathic liar!  I will never stop!


@preparedsurvivalist2245
4 days ago
Not to scare anyone, but the last time I stood up to my narcissist spouse and told her she can not steal from me and then just ignore me when I try to confront her about it, I was literally BATTERED. My body was bruised for 3 weeks after. And yes, the police and protective orders and the courts were later involved.  I tell this not as a testament to the courage it takes to confront a narcissist, but simply what you can expect from them in return!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zKTI5VOM8k

[tellomon]

Narcissists & The Unfalsifiable Hypothesis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oYonj4eWPQ

[tellomon]

Deal with them as little as possible.
Protect your Peace & Sanity.
When Dealing With Narcissists,
Hold Onto Your Reality

@casperinsight3524
2 years ago
Narcissism is widespread once you're AWAKE you see it everywhere...its inside and outside your family, friends, coworkers, bosses, clerks etc, etc, etc...


@sunilwadghule7567
1 year ago
Narc doesn't makes any sense, other than selfishness all the time, they turn your reality into myth and myth into reality.


@nutritionbybrittany
2 years ago
“ You don’t need to understand everything because what you know is enough “ GOLD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JR8-G4tv10

[tellomon]

Do narcissists call you to see how you’re doing?

No, just to keep tabs and see if they can suck more life force out of you. Maybe just to throw a few more insults your way. Finally, they will only care how you are doing when they believe that you are not doing well. These people are Satan's soldiers.
____________________________________

Yes, they do, however it may not be for the reasons why you think they’re calling. Narcissists are not concerned about how you’re doing, they’re concerned about what they want, need, or can get from others. Everything that they do is driven by their own self-interest. They may care about how others can benefit them, but they typically don’t care much about how others are doing.

Why would they, when they didn’t care when you were involved with them? To be frank, the (how you’re doing call) is related to hoovering you. Hoovering is a common tactic that narcissists will use when either of you have ended things, and they try to suck or pull you back into their toxic web which is part of the abuse cycle. They also call to see if you have moved on and are possibly dating again.

Once or if you take the call just listen very closely to how they will dominate the conversation, or the conversation is associated with what they want or need at the moment. They’re so conniving that victims often believe that the phone call or text message inquiring about (how they’re doing) is out of concern or sincerity. It’s not!

Remember, narcissists see others as objects, not as human beings, so everyone in their past, present, or future is seen as something to use. It's no secret that a core narcissistic trait is the lack of empathy, care, or concern for others. They may act as if they care or are concerned, but they’re only concerned about themselves. They are only interested in how they can use, mislead, manipulate, and abuse others to meet their needs. They even get narcissistic supply when you answer and entertain their phone call or text message. It gives them validation and attention that they constantly seek.

Narcissists act in a caring manner or try to appear as if they care about how you’re doing, but it is not from a sincere place. The acting is the same act that made you the perfect target when you first met them, and you later saw them for who they really are. They are not motivated by empathy because they severely lack it, and as a result, their phone call, or text message of asking you how you’re doing is often connected to one of their many arsenals of manipulation.

They do not care about you, they do not care about how you’re doing, all they care about is instant gratification, pleasure, validation, attention, power, control, and adoration. So, the (how you’re doing call) is less about you, and more about what they’re trying to manipulate from you!
____________________________________

They could care less how you're doing. They're incapable of caring about anyone but themselves. If they call you, they're calling to find out if there's a possible way they can weasel themselves into your life to take something from you, use you and/or abuse you in order to supply themselves. Don't answer the phone…
_____________________________________

Just to see if they can get you to engage with them. They never, now listen to me completely……they NEVER CARE HOW YOU ARE DOING.
EVER.
_____________________________________

If a narcissist calls you, it’s not because they miss you or love you, or are in any way legitimately curious about how you actually are.

They call because

they want to see if you’ll take their call
they’re bored
they’re horny
they’re curious to see how emotionally invested you are (if they say ‘I miss you’, will you say it back?)
to find out if you’re moving on or whether you’re still a secure back up they can call on
whether some good luck has hit you (a financial windfall) which means they need to engineer a hoover so they can benefit
because they need/ want something
to get information
If a narc calls you, my question is why they’re not already blocked. And why, you would even consider taking their call.

Regardless of who has initiated the discard (you or them), get the hell out of there. If you have no ties, go no contact and remain no contact. Give them nothing. They do not care about you and they never will.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-call-you-to-see-how-you-re-doing

[tellomon]

How does a narcissist
landlord behave?

They behave like a narcissist. They stalk, harass, gaslight, and abuse their tenants.

One of the main behaviors that points towards a narcissistic landlord is entering your home without permission. Narcissists are entitled. Even though they rented you the place and legally its in your possession (until you relinquish possession or the court grants them back possession) the narcissist still thinks it is THEIR home. The money you paid to the narcissist means nothing. Remember they are TAKERS not GIVERS.

Their only concern is THEIR needs and the main “need” of a narcissist is SUPPLY. Narcissists cannot live without victims to feed on. Chaos and toxic control is like fuel to them. That’s why a narcissistic landlord will always break landlord-tenant rules in some way, form, or fashion.

They have to get to you. Its part of their pathology. They can’t leave you alone. You’ll see them even here on QUORA telling people “its their house they can do what they want!” No they cannot and possession is nine tenths of the law. So when you took possession of the unit it became YOUR house (as far as tenant’s rights go, to the extent that while you occupy the premises legally they cannot just do anything they want with the property without getting a court order) until as I said you relinquish possession or the court grants the landlord back possession.

Narcissists don’t think the rules apply to them. There are rules to being a landlord with tenants and narcissists don’t think they should have to follow those rules.

Narcissists always want what they want when they want it. When they want your money they are supposed to be able to take it, but when they can’t get your money, or whatever their “supply” is at that moment, they literally act like spoiled children. As I stated you can see it here on QUORA all of the time.
____________________________________

The same as any narcissist would. So never expect support, kindness or sincerity. And if you are ever late on rent, expect this landlord to give you hell.
____________________________________

Narcissistic landlords will invade your privacy at will, including entering the property without your knowledge or consent. Although this is illegal, the narc sees absolutely nothing wrong with it.

He’ll also have no qualms about pilfering your belongings if he fancies something for himself. As is true of all Narcissists, smear campaigns and senseless gossip will be a regular occurrence. He’ll entertain himself by creating drama and chaos for unsuspecting neighbors who would otherwise co-exist peacefully.

They will be unlikely to properly maintain the rental units, and may even refuse to make necessary repairs. They’re well known to manipulate tenants into paying for the costs themselves.

They make assurances that the expenses will be reimbursed or deducted from the next month’s rent. This never happens, of course, and if confronted, the narc will flatly deny ever making such an agreement.

He’ll keep up with your comings-and-goings, and take note of your visitors’ habits, as well. If he sees an opportunity to instigate turmoil with this particular knowledge, all the better.

Sometimes narc landlords damage rental property in order to collect insurance money. One couple I know lost all their possessions after a fire of unknown origin destroyed their duplex.

To add insult to injury, they were considered suspects and subjected to a lengthy arson investigation. The landlord had an abnormally high occurrence of similar fires at several of his properties over the years, though he was never charged with a crime.

The voyeuristic parasites may have hidden video cameras and/or recording devices so they can spy on your most private and intimate moments.

Probably the most common red flag is the multiple attempts to gain sexual favors from anyone they deem to be exploitable. Narcissistic landlords love to prey on vulnerable tenants and will harass them mercilessly.

This is by no means a complete list of red flags to look for, but hopefully, it’ll give you an idea of how despicable these vermin can be.
__________________________________________

A narcissist landlord is a narcissist first and landlord later. They behave as a narcissist behaves. You have been on Quora for some time, you should know the attitudes and behaviors by now.

Once we come to realize that we were born into a highly narcissistic family we can become compulsive about finding them everywhere we look. I think this is normal but if this is the reason you ask this kind of question so often I encourage you to try and dial it back some. Remember to try and find some positive qualities in others too. It can help improve your outlook.

https://www.quora.com/How-does-a-narcissist-landlord-behave

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists want to hurt your feelings, even after they discard you?

Part One

By the time they get to the stage of discarding you, they have nothing but contempt for you. They have used you up, and spat you out- now you are a tedious nuisance. You serve no purpose for them, except to give them the thrill of seeing you upset. The more they can hurt you, the bigger the kick.

As you now know, narcissists are very nasty once they are done with you. There will never be a post discard relationship, not a nice one, because they are too cruel, and they get their kicks from watching you get upset.

But here’s the kicker- even after they have done this, and been mega cruel, if they run out of supply they might still contact you for a quick booty call!

So get away from them.

Block them, so they cannot get at you to tease or taunt, or tell you how happy their new supply makes them (they like twisting the knife) and read about narcissism, so you recover quicker.

The more you know, the more horrified you will be that you let this person get close enough to hurt you- but the eaiser you will find it to resist any blandishments and manipulation from this or any other narcissist.

A good short book is Is There A Narcissist in Your Life? Amanda Clymont, Amazon. Read it and weep for the fantasy you have lost- then recover, and never look back.
______________________________________

They hurt your feelings because they thrive off your negative emotions.

In their eyes, you belong to them. They are the star of the play, and you are a supporting actor cardboard cutout. A stage prop = property. You are their property, even after discard, even though they are with someone else. (And they ARE with AT LEAST one other person.) They must have control over you, their property, because they get supply.

At the beginning of the relationship, when you think they are the greatest thing on the planet, you give them praise, attention, sex, money, and gifts…they get the supply they need. When it all crashes down and they devalue and discard you, and even after discard, they need your attention for supply, even though it is bad attention.

They delight in your reactions. Yes, they derive value from your pain and confusion. That is why they want to hurt you. Don’t give it to them. Go no contact. It’s tough but it is the only way. Don’t check their social media, don’t take their calls, don’t even look at their pictures.

Remember, this Creature from Cluster B Lagoon has no internal worth. They must get their energy from other people. Good or bad energy makes them thrive. Have you heard of Elizabeth Báthory? It is rumored she killed beautiful young women and drank their blood to feel young. The narcissist does the same with your love but also your emotional and psychological pain. And, of course, your money.

Remember they would sell their mother for a profit because money is their world.
_______________________________________

That is the way they make themselves feel better. Superior is better. Hurting you makes them better than you. It’s sick but so are they. That was their intention from the beginning. But you won’t love them if you know. So the mask you get in the beginning is an exaggerated love.

Then they continue to see how disrespectful you will let them be to you. When they sense you’ve had enough and are about to kick them to the curb, they will discard you in an exaggerated way also. If they can destroy you it’s all the better. That’s the typical Narc pattern. Enjoy!
___________________________________

They are hurting because they have lost control of you. They want to continue to control you so they continue to abuse. They want your reaction. Do not react. Starve the beast!!
_______________________________________

They don't want to hurt your feelings.

As in, specifically you.

You are not relevant.

It's all about them saving face. See this is what people don't understand.

You are not really a person to them. Your feelings do not matter in any kind of way. All that matters is how what you do or say reflects upon them or to them. Everything that they think about you is viewed through a lens of them first.

So when they start going in on you about something you can guarantee it's a trigger to their insecurities. That's why it's called projection. It's basically them taking out their insecurities and pain on you because you're convenient and handy and you're looked at as nothing but a dumpster for their petty bullshit problems.

I'm sorry, I wish it was more complicated than that but they are not complicated people. They're all remarkably similar and boring. They just seem confusing at first until you learn about this shite.
______________________________________

Because narcissists need to have the upper hand over everyone in every situation and at all times.

It’s why post-breakup, a narcissist ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend can’t just accept that it’s over and that you start to move on, heal and genuinely improve yourself without them.

Why they are very competitive in relationships and after breakups.

And why they will go out of their way to sabotage your new relationships, to pull you down, to breadcrumb and manipulate you.

They’re grown infants. A toddler stuck in the body of a fully grown adult.

They don’t want you to be happy and to thrive in life because they need you to be miserable, to obsess over them and to keep chasing them in order for them to feel worthy and powerful.
_________________________________

Sadly, narcissists enjoy causing emotional distress!

No matter the relationship, be it, romantic partner, parent, sibling, friend, or colleague, after a narcissist is done devaluing the victim, they discard. This is also to cause emotional distress. If the victim handled the discard well and does not pursue the narcissist.. the narcissist will always attempt to cause problems in the life of the supply. Even though they discarded the victim, they seem to still feel rejection if the relationship is not mourned by their supply.

Sensitivity to rejection and abandonment is one of the huge red flags. I know it seems counterintuitive that the narcissist would feel rejected or abandoned after they discard you, but it’s back to the (cycle of abuse) they want you to feel pain after the break up! So will attack if you show indifference.

Human beings are merely play things to a narcissist, and the narcissist will know exactly how to cause you distress as they had been studying your weaknesses throughout the relationship. They know which buttons to press. This behaviour is the inner toddler at work. Emotional immaturity drives each narcissist. They will focus on all the negative aspects of the previous relationship even if in a new relationship, and they will want to punish for anything that bruised their fragile ego!

Each of the narcissists I’ve known won’t let me forget them. They still hoover years after the discard. Especially if I was the one who severed contact. They find a way!

It’s all a game to a narcissist, they seem to get bored so quickly and search for ways to torment those who dared to leave, or accepted the discard and moved on.

Once you ‘pop up’ on the narcissists radar they will attempt to cause distress. If you bump into them, or you are spoken about in their circle, or maybe something reminds them of you, they will search on line to see how you are doing. They will ask friends and family. And If you are happy, they will attack! If you are in a vulnerable position such as family problems, or relationships issues, they tend to hoover so they begin the cycle of abuse again. It’s all for narcissistic enjoyment. To see you suffer.

If you spend some time educating yourself on how their immature brains work and what causes the disorder it’s much easier to become indifferent to the advances. You may begin to just brush off the odd behaviour as yet another nutter! Attempting to gain attention.

It’s best to always remain vigilant after any relationship with a narcissist. Any odd situations that occur in your life shortly after a break up will more than likely be down to the narcissistic individual you escaped.
_____________________________________

By the time they get to the stage of discarding you, they have nothing but contempt for you. They have used you up, and spat you out- now you are a tedious nuisance. You serve no purpose for them, except to give them the thrill of seeing you upset. The more they can hurt you, the bigger the kick.

As you now know, narcissists are very nasty once they are done with you. There will never be a post discard relationship, not a nice one, because they are too cruel, and they get their kicks from watching you get upset.

But here’s the kicker- even after they have done this, and been mega cruel, if they run out of supply they might still contact you for a quick booty call!

So get away from them.

Block them, so they cannot get at you to tease or taunt, or tell you how happy their new supply makes them (they like twisting the knife) and read about narcissism, so you recover quicker.

The more you know, the more horrified you will be that you let this person get close enough to hurt you- but the eaiser you will find it to resist any blandishments and manipulation from this or any other narcissist.

A good short book is Is There A Narcissist in Your Life? Amanda Clymont, Amazon. Read it and weep for the fantasy you have lost- then recover, and never look back.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-want-to-hurt-your-feelings-even-after-they-discard-you

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists want to hurt your feelings, even after they discard you?

Part Two

Because they are never happy, regardless of who left who, we will return to the path we were on before being sidetracked by the narcissist, a path of happiness, success, fulfillment and true love.

The narcissist knows this and is pissed off because, according to them, we should be broken, ruined and not able to move forward in life without them.

We have proven them wrong, so being the bitter, petty, unhappy varmints they are, they truly believe if they can't be happy neither should we.

Stay minimal or full no contact, continue making them irrelevant and live a fulfilling life.
___________________________________

It's a way they still control you and your reaction to what they say and do to hurt you let's the narcissist know that they are still in control. That's why it's best to go no contact with the narcissist and no contact with all the friends ya'll had together and all his family and make sure none of your immediate family has any contact.

Also because it's very hard not to hurt behind someone you gave your all to just to find out they never could love you unless you were useful to them in some way and it's hard not to react to someone you looked up to that could be so evil and mean to you.

It's never easy letting go of the ones you love and even harder letting go and forgetting who that someone was. It's all an illusion and was never real. The best way to go is no contact in my opinion. I hope this helps some it's the best way I know how to explain. Goodluck.
______________________________________

A narc is miserable. Although they may appear to have everything and in the spotlight, they are miserable people who do miserable things. I have seen narcs who just like rubbing your face in a situation. And once you become that person who they want to make miserable, they will keep targeting you until you ignore them as if they are nothing.

It’s not enough for some to just ride off into the sunset and take their win. They are controllers. I guess they realize they're good at something and they love what they do.
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It’s a game.

People with no moral compass, and no human feelings, like narcissists, want to turn your world upside down and teach you a lesson. This lesson is born out of hatred and envy.

Everything the narcissist wants to teach you is worthless, because narcissists are worthless.

They know even though you say you love them, they’re going to prove to you how absolutely worthless and disgusting they actually are. They know you will eventually hate them.

It’s all a sick, demented game.

Their attempt to destroy you, is an attempt to destroy anything truly good—due to the hatred and envy that narcissists feel.

If they can succeed in “teaching” you a lesson, i.e., a worthless piece of garbage can make you feel the opposite of love for them, then in their twisted mind, they have achieved their goal. It feeds their sadism and their masochism, which is one of the few “delights” they can experience.

The smile when they hurt you, or when you’ve realised a truth about their character, is a form of this enjoyment. It feeds their ego, which cannot deal with the reality of love or light. They cannot go there.

Hurting you, is hurting innocence, and they never were innocent. They hate anything that is loving and trusting, while pretending initially to love that about you.

But the truth is, you have to hate them in some ways, to keep them away—it’s a means of protection. If you can’t feel enmity there is always a risk of falling back into the trauma bond. At the most, you have to view them as dangerous, sick creatures to stay away from.
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They harass you because they need drama in their lives. Once they find a new supply they will leave you alone because their drama will come from the new supply.

They need problems.

They must have problems.

They seek to be miserable and need to be in a victim mode at all times. Once they aren’t in a victim mode, they feel uncomfortable. They can’t just walk around without complaints and no sympathy from outsiders. They are delusional and need their false wounds to heal. It’s like when someone falsely sues someone for money when they know nothings wrong with them.
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Because narcissists have no feelings except anger, hatred, malice, greed or envy, and all of the negative emotions that are part and parcel of their low-level existence.

No, they are not “hurt.” Hurt people don’t necessarily hurt others.

They were born that way.

They do not love. Their brains are not wired to love.
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Because they feed off the attention. They want to know that they still have a connection with you for future supply.

Even if they left you for someone else, they still want to know that they can have you at any moment. It's all a game to them.
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They get off from doing it. They thrive on your hurt and confusion.
They know they are indeed unworthy of love, so they look down on you for loving them. They punish you for it.

They are jealous of you. You did what they cannot do. You really loved, you succeeded in your career, you finished college, you are employed. They cannot stand you even though they say they love you. They punish you for it.

Causing hurt is their model of love. Someone important, probably at least one parent, treated them like sh!t in their past. So that is their template on what love is.
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Oh, I think they “want" to find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow that makes them filthy rich, drop dead gorgeous, irresistible to everyone, never lacking in delicious choices, never accountable or responsible for any word or deed and ABSOLUTELY never, ever exposed for the evil, self absorbed, deceptive demons  that they really are.

You answered your own question actually.

“They are not happy with you and they are not happy without you.“

They simply don't have the ability to sustain happy as far as “you" are concerned.

Can you imagine if they saw you moving on and content and busy and involved and (gasp) happy?

They would much prefer you remain confused, tired, drained, hopeful and despondent, lonely and sad, stuck in between.

Ah, the awesome power of it all!

Misery loves company, right?
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That's just what they do. As everyone says, "Stay away and go no contact". They are always angry and vindictive. Its part of their personality and they don’t change. Here is a description from my book "From Darkness to Embracing the Light".

There are several signs in a relationship that you are dealing with a toxic individual who has one of the Dark Triad of disorders.

First, they often do not have a capacity for empathy. They do not have the ability to authentically understand the world of another person except as it can be manipulated for their own gain. However, they can put on a good “caring” act to manipulate others for their own benefit, particularly if they fall under the heading of covert narcissist.

A covert narcissist can maintain the appearance of being a caring, loving person, and hide their qualities of anger, aggressiveness, and envy from the outside world and from their intimate partners, at least for a while.

Second, they don’t feel sorry about any wrongdoing and dislike apologizing. There is little evidence of a conscience, compassion, remorse, guilt, or concern about the impact of their behavior on others, particularly those they love. They may act apologetic or put on a show of compassion, but it is just to mask their real feelings.

Some can be incredibly good actors, fooling even the most intelligent person, judges, or therapists. From the toxic person’s point of view, the person they harmed deserved what they got because the toxic person believes they are always right. In fact, they feel entitled to act in their own self-interest, even when others suffer.

Third, they believe they have rights that others would never assume they had. They live in a world in which they have privileges that others don’t. Whether they are objectifying you, cheating on you, or trying to control you, they believe that they deserve what they seek, including when and where they seek it because it is already theirs.

They will tell you whatever they believe you need to hear in order to get what they want from you. To these people, a lie is not a lie; it’s a mechanism to control the desired outcome. Misrepresentation of information or twisting facts are tools they employ to intimidate others into compliance.

They are chameleons who project a façade that is totally different from who and what they really are. Always in disguise, whether a doctor, priest, or politician, they are not the person you think they are. These damaged souls tend to study others, such as empaths and giving people, to see how they act and what they say, and mimic them.

There is often nothing behind their words, which are little more than empty promises. They project sincerity, mimicking what others do and say, raising optimism and unfounded hope in family and friends.
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Let’s examine this. What REALLY happened up until the final discard? Did you ask them to treat you with respect and dignity in the relationship? Did you catch them lying or cheating? Did you REFUSE to give in and debase yourself for one of their absurd demands? Were they screwing around behind your back?

Did you get fed up with their abusive and cruel behavior and call them out on it?

Did you see the man/woman behind the mask - the childish, temper tantrum throwing, judgmental and hyper critical, insufferably selfish person they really are?

Did you stand up for yourself?

If any of the aforementioned is true, then the narcissist feels betrayed and therefore, wishes to completely debase and discard you from their lives. In their f’d up reality, you somehow WRONGED them, and they are now placing all of the BLAME onto you so they can absolve themselves, get rid of you, and move on to the next person without a shred of remorse.

At some point, the narcissist has realized they cannot dominate you and they are losing control over the relationship - so they jump first so they can feel assured that THEY ended it first. Are you feeling hurt, confused, blindsided? That’s EXACTLY how they want you to feel.

Has the person you thought loved and cared for you all of a sudden turned into a cruel and callous monster? That’s the REAL version of themselves. Have they WITHDRAWN all of their adoration and affection leaving you with cold hard SILENCE?

Consider yourself PUNISHED and BANISHED. Have they started to rub dirt all over your name in the face of your shared community, place of work, friends/family, etc? They wanted to get THEIR version of the story out ahead of you so they can paint YOU as the offender and THEMSELVES the victim.

Do they act as if you do not or have never EXISTED? Oh well, this is because they have felt REJECTED by you and therefore, they will ABANDON you to preserve their own ego and feel vindicated and SUPERIOR.

In their VERSION, you are WRONG and they are RIGHT. You are DONE and they have MOVED ON. But know this - whatever you did or didn’t do, this was ALWAYS going to be the inevitable outcome because narcissists are INCAPABLE of maintaining healthy and stable relationships.

They will find anything and everything to CRITICIZE you and deem you UNWORTHY. You deserve better than this. These people are incredibly unstable, delusional, self-serving, manipulative, and impossibly stubborn. Know that in sticking to your guns, you have preserved your own dignity.

Congratulations on refusing to be a doormat! Now, pick yourself up, realize your own worth, love yourself, forgive yourself, and move forward with your precious life. You don’t need this sore miserable loser anymore causing chaos and harm in your life.
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Once a narcissist claims someone, they don’t ever really leave them but in their mind the victim is their’s forever. They also consider that once the victim loves them it’s impossible to fall out of love, ever.

the narcissist comes back to see, to torment and to judge and even expects that the victim wants them back in their life. Sometimes, victims comply.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-want-to-hurt-your-feelings-even-after-they-discard-you

[tellomon]

How does a narcissist lose everything?

Everything the NPD or psychopath gets, they spoil, waste, and discard.

They also have the talent of causing others to lose everything.

Haven't you noticed?

It seems whenever I'm with or around a narcissist, I'm always having a lot of bad luck, mostly brought about by something to do with them.

When I was younger, an NPD in our family was called the "hex," because everywhere they went, things broke or bad luck would follow.

When I was involved with an NPD, everything would break or fall apart. Things happened at the wrong time, far too many times.

They are also for some strange reason always getting sick when it's an important date, or never feeling well, and it's always at the worst time possible. Unlike people who are actually ill, they don't seem to have any real symptoms.

So not only do they destroy anything good that comes their way, and good people, but they also bring ruin to other people.

Whenever I have cut off contact I swear to you I have “heard” that person calling my name from a distance, and bad things happen after.

Call me crazy, but I have actually heard them call my name like they are screaming at me at the top of their lungs, and the sound is like a ghostly echo that happens when I least expect it.

I am currently in this situation and trying to purify myself and surroundings. I am thinking about doing a house purification or ritual.

I am very rational, but for the past few weeks, I am not starting to believe that there is something very supernatural going on.

I do believe in some supernatural phenomena because I used to see ghosts at the psychiatric treatment centre I worked at, and so did the nurses and other staff. We saw shadow people and shadow animals too.

I am beginning to think there is more to this than mere “spookiness at a distance.”
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It depends on what you classify as “everything”.

Someone with NPD is already lost. They never had anything in terms of being a human. Narcs cannot really feel emotions like love and empathy like you and I can - and they don’t like themselves.
They live in a perpetual state of shame. They live in a reality they create. They cannot take accountability, cannot self-reflect or get better.
They cannot be a better person or learn and grow emotionally - they are emotionally a stunted toddler and their brains have on average 20% less grey matter. Narcs can only torture and hurt people and pretend to love so that someone is with them - they love no one.
They use people as “supply”. Please read the science- a narc brain is wired differently - but don’t feel sorry for them - they are out to hurt you and they want to - hurting others is how they get their fuel.

Narcs amass things because they think they are entitled to everything. Narcs are disordered as Fk. Please always remember that. This is a disorder and their brains are not wired properly.

Narcs cannot feel emotions in a normal way - they only learn cognitive behaviours on how to mimic love - empathy - caring and when a narc is with supply that is kind and empathetic it learns what may work with others - a narc just mimics these emotions and behaviours. Narcs are wired to take take take.

So often narcs will have a lot of stuff. They will take from victims, their family, and even Mother Theresa if they could have - they think only of themselves and everything, including you, (if you are in a relationship with a narc) belongs to them. They do not see people as individuals just things to control or take from for their own gain.

So a narc has already lost everything important in the human experience before they ever started the lovebombing-devalue-discard cycle with you.

Please get educated - get support and if you are looking for revenge and the part where the narc loses everything- well there are stories on Quora about how narcs lose. I haven’t seen mine really lose - but I have gone mostly no contact and that is the way to heal. BAM - Block. Avoid. Move-on from the narc.

The narc already lost - and make sure they continue to lose access to you. You’re worth more than spending another minute with the narc or wondering about a narc. No a narc won’t care they lost you - but trust me, they lost everything once they became a narc. Run!
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Listen up, because I'm about to hit you with some truth bombs that you need to hear. Do narcissists lose everything? Let’s get real—it’s like asking if a moth always gets burned when it flutters too close to the flame. And the answer? Yeah, more often than not, they do.

See, a narcissist’s game is all smoke and mirrors. They think they're the puppet master, pulling strings and fooling everyone with their grand illusions. But reality check: you can only play that hand so long before it all comes crashing down like a house of cards. Their obsession with self feeds into this vicious cycle that alienates, isolates, and ultimately, obliterates everything they’ve touched or built.

You can strut around with self-proclaimed greatness and deluded notions of superiority, but here's the kicker: people eventually see through the façade. Friends, partners, and colleagues might be captivated by the performance initially, but disillusionment is inevitable. You can only fake it till you make it if you’ve got the substance to back it up. And frankly, most narcissists don't. They're too busy basking in their reflection to build something real, something that lasts.

Even captains of industry, those who’ve bluffed their way to the top, are not immune to the fallout. Surrounding yourself with sycophants instead of those who challenge you only fortifies the echo chamber of your doom. The empire they build is made of sand, crumbling at the first tide of adversity because it was never about vision or value—it was about validation.

And let’s not even get started on personal relationships. A narcissist’s life is littered with the wreckage of discarded connections. Here today, gone tomorrow—laws of supply and demand. They were never in it for you, only for what you could reflect back to them. But when the well runs dry, when admiration transforms into animosity, that’s when the real isolation sets in. Ask yourself: who's left when ego is your only friend?

The way I see it, to be a true winner in life, the kind that doesn’t just dominate a room but also earns respect that outlasts their mortal coil, you’ve got to embrace an antidote to narcissism: humility, grit, and the relentless pursuit of true excellence. Not perfection for its own sake, but pride in genuine achievement, knowing that your fortune isn't just an illusion.

So do they lose everything? Nine times out of ten, yeah. It's not karma, it’s not fate—it's simple consequence. And if you’re reading this thinking you might have a streak of that narcissistic swagger in you, let me issue a wake-up call. Build your empire on rock, not sand. Treat allies as equals, not stepping stones. Aspire to be more than just the reflection in your mirrored sunglasses. Because at the end of the day, when the hubris fades, it’s the legacy you leave behind that speaks the loudest.

Now go out there and live as if someone is watching long after you're gone. Be formidable, not just on the surface, but in essence. That’s how you win, and keep winning.

https://explorenarcissism.quora.com/How-does-a-narcissist-lose-everything

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists start to hate you for no reason?

They have a reason. They have many. They hate you because:

-They hate themselves.

-You have a genuine happiness about you and they don’t.

-They are jealous of you- your life, how you were raised, your success, your decisions, your friends, your family- everything about you.

-They have weird voices in their heads telling them negative things about themselves and they project that hate onto you.

NPD makes them hateful people. So, they have no other choice but to hate you.
If you get to know a narcissist for any length of time, you will learn they are angry, unhappy and hateful people. This is simply who they are. And we all know the phrase, “Haters gonna hate.” A narc is a hater…all day long.
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The narc doesn’t hate you, he hates himself. He hates what he can’t have. He hates the qualities and the character that you behold, the ones he’ll never have. He hates the life you live, your friends, your personality, wisdom, your family, and pretty much anything that pertains to you. Why? Because he would love to be in your shoes, but CAN NEVER WEAR YOUR SHOES!!!. He knows that and it hates you for that very reason.
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The narcissist will hate you for one of two reasons:

1) You are doing great, feeling inspired, feeling connected to the world and those around you, generally in a good feeling place. And the narcissist is unable to take you down from this high-flying place.

2) You are feeling down, have no good humour, low energy, unable to provide validation,… and also are lacking in the tangible, like money, quality sex, etc. No good supply on offer.

Ok, maybe if you really screwed with them, like exposed them or otherwise caused a narcissistic injury, they might hate you too.

Narcissists only really “like" people who they can use. And for them the best people to use are those who currently have something good going on, something good on offer, which the narcissist wants to take.

And the narcissist not so much enjoys taking from you, as they do watching you fall, or mourn in the loss of something which was precious to you.
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The narcissists have a vicious, sadistic Super ego that attacks them all the time because they feel small and worthless, that's why they create a False Self to hide that, so when they find a partner, they take all that sadistic viciousness they are hearing from the Superego out on the partner to make themselves feel better.

This is the only way they have to make themselves feel better and because of this, they are never going to stop doing it. You cannot make them see they are doing anything wrong. it's a defense mechanism. They have to believe their partner or others around them really are terrible people.

It's essential to their whole being as a person and they cannot stop, they don't want to stop. They are truly sick people who literally desire to make others feel worthless.

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-start-to-hate-you-for-no-reason

[tellomon]

When and why does a
narcissist want revenge?

Narcissists are obsessed with revenge, driven by deep insecurity, vulnerability, and fear.

They mask these feelings with delusions of grandeur, bravado, and a show of strength. Despite their outward egotism, their ego and self-esteem are fragile. This fragility makes them highly sensitive to even the slightest criticism, lack of attention, or perceived slights—a phenomenon known as narcissistic injury. This injury can stem from real or imagined situations. Once a narcissist feels diminished, it can trigger a spiral into narcissistic rage or a quest for revenge.

Several factors can trigger this narcissistic injury:

Questioning their confidence: A narcissist's ego acts as a protective shell. When they face excessive demands they cannot meet, they perceive it as an attack on their confidence.

Damaged self-esteem: Beneath their façade of entitlement and self-importance, narcissists harbor deep feelings of shame and failure. Challenges to their self-image chip away at this façade, exposing their true lack of self-esteem, which they cannot handle.

Illusion of competence: Narcissists craft an illusion of being highly competent and capable, often supported by those around them. When someone highlights their failures, they become extremely defensive.

Specialists note that narcissists experience rage more quickly than the average person. While most people go through seven stages before reaching rage, a narcissist can escalate from irritation to rage almost instantly.

Triggers that others might view as mild can provoke an intense reaction in a narcissist, as they feel their ego and self-esteem have been bruised, unleashing a rush of uncontrollable emotions. The key to recognizing narcissistic rage is its exaggerated and disproportionate nature compared to typical anger.

Narcissistic rage can manifest in two ways:

Verbal or physical aggression: This includes cutting sarcasm, strong verbal outbursts, and potential violence.

Passive-aggressive behavior: This includes an icy cold demeanor, tension, resentment, sarcasm, and neglect.

Both forms of rage are attempts to exact revenge on those who they believe have exposed their weaknesses.
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Because they are spiteful liars who convince everyone THEY are the ‘poor victim’ the fact you’ve done nothing wrong is irrelevant to them. They are nasty conniving pieces of work.
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First, here is the WHY:

It seems to be in a narcissist's personality to be vindictive and seek vengeance against others who they feel have wronged them. The operative words here are “they feel" that way. It doesn't mean there is any truth or evidence to support their claims.

My ex would do something to hurt his mother and if called out on it, he would say she deserved it because she was a s**tty mom. This is typical justification from a narcissist. They always blame their victims.

They love to claim abuse whether it's from parents, siblings, relatives, their children, friends, employers, employees, exes, current significant others and even their own pets.

This mindset enables them to freely seek revenge because it gives them (in their own twisted minds) permission to punish those who have harmed them.

HOW DO THEY SEEK REVENGE?

Well, the list may be infinite. Unless you have been on the receiving end of a narcissist's vengeance, it's hard to believe they will go to the lengths they do in order to punish their “alleged abusers.”

Their favorite punishment is the SMEAR CAMPAIGN. The narcissist is unparalleled in the lies they will make up in order to trash your reputation. Often, the accusations are so ridiculous that you will think there's no need to defend yourself. You'll be wrong. People, including your own family and friends, will believe the narcissist because they are excellent at manipulating others. (I have been accused of murder, witchcraft and forcing children to take nude pictures of me.)

Another favorite is INTIMIDATION. They will make threats that leave you fearing for your job, your family and your life. Even if they never act on their threats you become a prisoner to your fear. (My ex told me he wouldn't kill me, because a well placed bullet to my face would hurt me much longer than just dying).

TAKING YOUR CHILDREN. Many narcissist will try to turn your children against you, file false reports with CPS, lie in order to get sole custody and even kidnap your children in order to keep you from seeing them. Even a mild mannered covert narcissist will geefully tell older children that you were an alcoholic, drug abuser who whored around until they were forced to leave you. (My ex's young children were told that I had kicked a pregnant woman in the belly to kill her unborn child.)

FINANCIAL RUIN. When determined to hurt you financially, a narcissist doesn't stop to think of the harm they are doing to themselves as well. They will max out credit cards to destroy your credit score, Renege on loans you co-signed for, take out new cards using your social security number, drain your bank account, refuse to pay child suppor, report you to the IRS and in a divorce case, they will destroy property rather than pay you your share of it. (I apparently spent nearly 200k on my ex and didn't know about a lot of it until after I dumped him.)

PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. Narcissists can attack you and even try to kill you if they feel justified. Rape is often a choice for them when they go into a rage if you try to leave them. Never underestimate this aspect of what they are capable of doing to you if they want revenge. (My ex was finally arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a firearm)

PROPERTY DAMAGE. They are particularly fond of arson. Mine liked to burn my clothes. A friend on Quora had an ex set her car on fire. If you have a family heirloom that means a lot to you, it is likely to be broken. (When I threw my ex out, he took everything that wasn't nailed down, including the shower heads. He knocked holes in the walls, poured cat litter in the drains and locked a raccoon in the house. )Their ability to destroy your property can reach epic creativity.

TAUNTING YOU. Narcissists love to send their flying monkeys after you, to paint a picture of how happy they are without you in their lives. These people will tell you endless stories so that you will suffer more. The narcissist will also post photos of themselves and their new supply on social media along with comments about how wonderful the relationship is. The goal of this is to convince you that YOU are at fault so you start to question if you were actually the narcissist.

HOOVERING. The narcissist will reappear in your life without warning to try to convince you that they regret everything that went wrong in your relationship. They will tell you everything you ever wanted to hear and once again will love bomb the hell out of you. When you finally get worn down and decide to give them another chance, they will possibly have sex with you, or engage in some wild sexting or romantic phone calls, then abruptly ghost you or tell you they have found someone else. This Hoovering is usually just a way to inflict a little more pain on you while feeding their ego.

DAMAGE TO YOUR CAREER. A narcissist can go all out here. They can hack into your computer and plant false evidence that you are stealing from your employer, tell your boss or coworkers that you are using drugs and even tamper with your car so you are constantly late for work.

ACCUSE YOU OF CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR. Expect to have drugs planted in your car or home. They will bruise themselves and claim you attacked them, even getting their flying monkeys to be witnesses. They will file false police reports, perjure themselves in court and lie to get restraining orders against you. One even tried to have me committed by claiming I was a dangerous drug abuser who was breaking into her house and hanging dead animal parts in it.

These people with NPD are nasty and vindictive and will go to unbelievable lengths to get revenge on you for the slightest reason they can conjure up.

And in their quest to punish you, they will stalk you until you die, write nasty comments on your obituary, s**t on your grave and come back for years afterwards to vandalize your tombstone.

https://www.quora.com/When-and-why-does-a-narcissist-want-revenge

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists want control?

A narcissist wants control because it takes the place of love. When you lack love and true affective empathy for another, then control takes the place of that.

Control becomes synonymous with "life" itself for a narcissist. Everything they do has to be exactly as they want. It's not for the betterment of all involved, but simply because they feel that they need to have control over you.

For example, a few years ago I had to get a new phone, and my friend had some suggestions so we went to look at some phones. A family member who has NPD got very upset with me for making plans to go get a phone because it was a day before Christmas Eve. I didn't know what the big deal was because it wasn't Christmas Eve yet, and I needed a new phone to communicate regarding my employment and other matters.

They created a big drama out of this and ruined Christmas Eve. They also attacked my friend.

Then the narcissist also tried to ruin my plans for eating at Emeril Lagasse's restaurant. I had planned and made reservations beforehand and everyone who was invited was excited to go.

So essentially, they created the drama just to spite my happiness and others' happiness, and they did not like that I was the one who made the plans. They wanted to be in full control.

The irony here is that the narcissist was also invited to the meal.

Why would they ruin something that would clearly be pleasant for them too? After all, how many people get to dine at a nice restaurant on Christmas Eve?

I realised since that day that everything they did was just about control. Even if you are being kind to them, they will try and destroy any semblance of kindness, love, or sharing, simply to have control.

Why? Because they are evil. They have no love or contentment, and just want to create havoc and destruction.
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They want control because they feel a deep-seated sense of powerlessness and inadequacy.

Narcissists are often people who grew up in homes where they felt neglected or unsupported. As a result, they develop an inflated sense of self-importance as a way to make themselves feel better. But this false sense of superiority is always fragile and can be easily shattered, which leads to feelings of insecurity and shame. To avoid these negative emotions, narcissists need to be in control at all times so that they can protect their shaky ego from being damaged again.
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In my experience with a narcissist friend, they want control in relationships because they largely feel powerless in virtually every aspect of their lives. If someone hands over control to them, it’s constant validation.

My former friend is a covert narcissist. He would only try to assert control with people he felt he could control — usually passive, easy-going people. Any time there was a more dominant personality in the room, he’d keep his mouth shut and his thoughts to himself.
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Because it gives them a feeling of power and superiority. It boosts their ego to know they can make you do things you don’t want to do or prevent you from doing the things you want to do. They need that power over another person in order to validate themselves. They are like little boys and girls that need attention from their mommy and daddy but not in a good way. They are the brat that wants everything done their way and will use every mind manipulation to succeed. If they are not in control how can they control you?
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Narcissists often seek control for several interrelated reasons:

Self-Esteem Regulation: Narcissists typically have fragile self-esteem. By exerting control over situations and people, they can bolster their self-image and feel more powerful.

Fear of Vulnerability: Control helps narcissists avoid feelings of vulnerability and inadequacy. They often fear being exposed or rejected, so they manipulate their environment to maintain a sense of superiority and security.

Validation and Admiration: Narcissists crave admiration and validation from others. By controlling relationships and interactions, they can ensure that they receive the attention and praise they desire.

Lack of Empathy: Many narcissists struggle with empathy, making it difficult for them to understand or care about the needs and feelings of others. This can lead them to prioritize their own desires for control over the well-being of those around them.

Fear of Abandonment: Narcissists may have a deep-seated fear of abandonment. By controlling others, they attempt to secure their relationships and prevent being left alone.

Manipulation and Exploitation: Control allows narcissists to manipulate others to serve their interests, whether for personal gain, status, or to maintain their desired image.

Overall, the need for control in narcissists is often a defense mechanism that helps them navigate their insecurities and maintain their self-perception as superior or special.
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Exactly for that simple reason. They have no self control. Everything is in the moment with them.

So they feel as they have to manipulate everyone and everything around them in order to be in control.

Control equals attention, self esteem, self worth, it equals power.

They never had the power or control over anything that happened or it was done to them as children.

As adults now being in control is crucial to them. It's a survival tactic!

Being in control, they can better assess people and circumstances without having to trust anybody. They don't trust anybody. They don't even trust themselves.

Through control, manipulation and power, they always get what they want. Whatever it may be!
________________________________________

Narcissists are very insecure people. Narcissists are afraid of losing the people they have. Narcissists believe that if they can control you, then it will be very easy for them to keep you around. Narcissists believe that if they don't control you, you will just leave them. Narcissists feel good when they keep you under control; it makes them feel powerful and in authority, which manages their shaky self-esteem.

Narcissists will gaslight, abuse, lie, and deceive to change circumstances according to them. Being in control gives narcissists security. Narcissists get their narcissistic supply by controlling you. For narcissists, relationships are all about control and power; they want to dominate the relationship.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-want-control

[tellomon]

On a personal note:

Sometimes, those who prefer solitude aren’t antisocial or withdrawn. They’re simply people who have learned to value their peace of mind over superficial connections. It’s not that they don’t enjoy the company of others; it’s that they have no interest in participating in the noise that often comes with it. They’ve chosen to surround themselves with authenticity, and they’re not willing to compromise that for the sake of fitting in or pleasing others.

These individuals understand the importance of quality over quantity when it comes to relationships. They’d rather invest their time and energy in a few meaningful connections than spread themselves thin across a sea of acquaintances. They’ve learned that true friendship isn’t about how many people you know, but about the depth of the bond you share with those who truly matter.

It’s not about being better than anyone else; it’s about protecting their space from the chaos that can come from unnecessary drama and superficial interactions. They recognize that life is too short to spend it around people who drain their energy or bring negativity into their world. Instead, they focus on building a life that aligns with their values, filled with peace, honesty, and genuine connection.

These individuals are not antisocial—they’re selective. They’ve chosen to be around people who uplift them, challenge them in positive ways, and bring out the best in them. And in doing so, they’ve created a life that is rich in peace and authenticity. Their solitude is not a sign of loneliness, but of self-respect and self-awareness. They’ve learned that sometimes the best company you can keep is your own.

[tellomon]

When does a narcissist
fear you the most?

Listen up. I'm about to drop some knowledge on you that’ll make waves across the internet. The question is: When does a narcissist fear you the most? You see, there's a side to this that's deeper than most people realize. Narcissists, those manipulative puppeteers of emotions, live in their own delusional game of thrones, reigning with an iron fist over their fragile kingdom of ego. But let’s cut through the noise and get to the cold hard truth: a narcissist fears you the most when you hold up a mirror to their reality and walk away unbothered.

First, understand this, my Queen Lana tribe. A narcissist thrives on control and validation. They need it like a shark needs water, because without it, they’re nothing more than a floundering fish on dry land. They're terrified of exposure – terrified of you seeing through the mask and recognizing that behind the grandiose facade lies nothing but insecurity and weakness. The moment you see them for what they truly are and call them out on it, their world starts to crumble like a cheap sandcastle against the tide.

But the real kicker? It’s when you liberate yourself from their grip. When you decide you’ve had enough of their games and you choose to walk away with your head held high, these leeches start to panic. They fear losing their influence over you, because without it, they’re just another face in the crowd, stripped of power and significance. You show them that they have no authority over your life choices, your emotions, or your self-worth.

And let me tell you this – the moment you stop feeding their ego with attention, whether it's anger, love, or fear, you starve them of their most prized nourishment. Indifference, my Queen Lana tribe, is your weapon. A narcissist fears your indifference more than anything else because it renders them powerless. When you no longer react, when you no longer engage in their toxic dance, you hit them where it hurts the most.

So here’s your game plan, warriors: Stand tall, recognize your worth, and cut the strings they use to manipulate you. Turn your back on their twisted mind games and set your sights on superior conquests. Play the long game, because in the end, your strength and clarity will sear through their delusion. Be the force of nature that they cannot ignore yet cannot control. This is your life, and it’s time to live it on your terms.

Now, go out there and show the world you’re not just another player in their circus. Be the ringleader of your destiny and let them choke on the dust of your departure. You’ve got this.
___________________________________

When you evolve and ascend despite all the bullshit they've put you through. No amount of pain was able to stop you from growing and it damn sure didn't corrupt you. You remained solid through it all like a real soldier.
___________________________________

I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s when they can’t see or hear from you.

Not knowing what you’re doing means you could be up to no good whatever that is.

And not having this control over you, what you’re doing, where you’re at, who you’re talking to, or what you’re talking about is a total mind screw for them.

You could be planning something big or sharing too much personal information. No matter if you are doing nothing it still makes no sense to the narcissist.

They fear your every move as they know you should fear theirs!
__________________________________

Never, they move onto their next victim, the only fear felt by a narc is being alone with themselves who they loath bcuz they know the monsters’ they are. That's why they need their victims, their steps to get on top of that horse, high above everyone, just like that movie Gladiator, when that King used his slaves as steps, walking on their backs, and what happened when he was proven a mortal? Thats a Narc, he fears being alone with himself.
__________________________________

When you KNOW EVERYTHING, you take their power away.………their absolute worst fear is being exposed. They need that constant supply to feed their continuously rotting ego and disgusting power “highs”. Living in a delusional reality, is truly their only way to survive. You threaten this, and they’re scared shitless. I kinda doubt that you'd ever be hovered. Now, they just want your existence on this earth to go away forever.
______________________________________

Narcissists fear when you stand up for yourself. Narcissists take it as an insult; it hurts their egos. You have challenged narcissists. Deep inside, they fear losing control and authority over you. Narcissists will use all their tactics to get control over you.

Narcissists will try to gaslight you into believing that you are the problem; avoid falling for it. Narcissists are disturbed and unstable people who believe everyone should behave in ways that make them comfortable. Let narcissists be uncomfortable and alone in their paranoia, jealousy, envy, and need to control others who threaten them. You set your boundaries and continue to make them suffer.

Leaving narcissists is very important too; being with narcissists and standing up for yourself will bring more problems to you from their side.
_________________________________

When you start to play them at there own game! When they no you've got them sussed out and stop dancing to there tune !! But it will be hard to play them at there own game as your not a narcissist? But you can at least don't be the puppet on the string. Cut your self loose and try showing no interest whatever their playing at, these people are cowards and in most cases it will be mind games. Don't show any interest and don't take the bait as that's exactly what they want. You will notice a confused look on there face!!!
__________________________________

There is one thing a narcissist fears more than anything else.

If you think about it, you may come to the conclusion that this is the only thing he is afraid of.

The narcissist is afraid of rejection. It’s not about rejecting who he really is because the narcissist abandoned his identity long ago.

The fear is the rejection of his false identity, the role he plays, and the mask he presents.

A narcissist pretends to be someone he is not, and everything he does from the moment he starts devaluing you is a response to rejection.

https://www.quora.com/When-does-a-narcissist-fear-you-the-most

[tellomon]

They hate that you have light, and they are bottomless pits of darkness.
The Narcissist's Dark Secret: Here's Why They Hate You

Uncover the hidden truths of narcissists in this revealing video, 'The Narcissist's Dark Secret: Here's Why They Hate You.' We'll delve into the complexities of narcissists' shadow self, their fragile ego, and how they perceive themselves in relation to empaths and codependents. Discover the reasons behind why the narcissist harbors resentment and hatred, shedding light on the dynamics of narcissistic abuse and codependency. Explore the role of shame, people-pleasing, and the importance of setting boundaries in navigating relationships with narcissists. Join us as we uncover the dark secrets of narcissists and empower you to heal and protect yourself.


@aprilmg7072
1 year ago
They hate you because fundamentally they hate life.


@sunshineagainandagain
8 days ago
They hate you because they envy you. They are too competitive. They are sick.


@rickde2709
1 year ago
They hate you because they see the parts they hate about their own self in you. So yeah basically they hate themselves.


@richardjohanson6421
1 year ago
Narcissism is a learned behavior from childhood! Empath is a gift from above! It comes naturally to care for ppl more than yourself!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGJTIhtWwXE

[tellomon]

The Truth Behind a Narcissist's Downfall:
They Know It All Too Well

Today, we are going to discuss a topic that many people can relate to: the reality of a Narcissist who has messed up their life, and the important fact that they are fully aware of it. It is crucial to understand that they do know what they have done. They have ventured out into what they believed were greener pastures, leaving you feeling abandoned and hurt.

Now, they have come to realize who truly deserves their respect and love—who the real king or queen is—and they understand where they genuinely want to be. Ultimately, they want to be with you. Unfortunately, by the time this realization hits them, it is often too late. They failed to appreciate your presence when you were with them, so now they must confront the consequences of your absence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZOILm7hOQw

[tellomon]

Did you know?

[tellomon]

They are emotional vampires. They suck the life out of you.
WHERE IT ALL GOES WRONG FOR THE NARCISSIST

Where the narcissist continues to go wrong. The narcissist overplays their hand. They don’t think anyone will ever figure out who they are. The narcissist believes they can manipulate in full anybody. The narcissist is a coward and a bully. The narcissist continues to go wrong because they keep repeating the same cycle of abuse over and over again with different people. The narcissist can’t grow or introspect. The narcissist is stuck in the loop of the narcissistic cycle.


@dashabateman4409
17 hours ago
People are beginning to wake up! Narcissism awareness is spreading. Andrew thank you so much for making DAILY videos and responding to comments. You are a great person! You are a beautiful bright shining light!

@OfSoulAndSin
18 hours ago
I tell this from personal experience, scorpions are wwaaayyyyy more trustworthy than a narcissist.


@flowerpower4944
16 hours ago
His biggest mistake was gaslighting me with a group of people ,while in a restaurant,,insidious and Deliberate,they hate not being in the Limelight


@Weltliteratur-
18 hours ago
Reality and their self perception are diametric. If they get a glimpse of reality, they swiftly sneak back to their parallel universe of selfishness.


@marieeakin8534
17 hours ago
The narcissist goes wrong by believing there own delusions.Not able to reflect, take accountability or make room for growth....they continue to live day to day, conniving to get their way....only to repeat losing people as their lives take a deep dive!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIyQPAR8XIc

[tellomon]

The sad fact is most of us will be listening to this in hindsight. The good news is you’ll have been through the storm and to the other side!
When Narcissists Discard and Devalue: The Late Stages of Codependent Narcissistic Relationships

In the devaluing and discarding phase of a narcissistic codependent relationship, the dynamic starts to shift noticeably. The partner who once seemed loving and attentive begins to pull back, becoming critical or indifferent. This leaves the codependent feeling unsure and trying to figure out how to win back that affection.

As the relationship progresses, the narcissist may continue to withdraw, making things feel increasingly one-sided. Eventually, this can lead to the narcissist ending the relationship altogether, which can leave the codependent feeling lost and hurt as they navigate this sudden change. Navigating the end of a narcissistic relationship can be difficult, but by setting the right boundaries you can break free of them for good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIaBawaioiY

[tellomon]

Narcissists aren't the only ones who get triggered. Victims of Narcissistic abuse have triggers too.
When a Narcissist
is Triggered, Others
Pay the Price

Saying “no” to a narcissist, setting boundaries, or disagreeing with them will trigger their fear of rejection through the “perception of rejection”. These are old unresolved wounds that will show their true colours quickly. In this clip from Tim's series on Codependency and Complex Trauma, Tim talks about what happens when a narcissist is triggered, how they manipulate, and the 3 types of narcissist.

@shirleyguinyard8183
3 weeks ago
When they get mad at you they love to remind you of what they did for you and call you ungrateful .


@user-kk8vc9ck3t
4 weeks ago
I'm not a narcissist. I am trying to survive, and I'm happy to be alone.


@maddyG7414
1 month ago
People with high narcissism traits are happy to bring up everything you do wrong or the things they disagree with, but if you mention anything you question in them, suddenly you’re attacking them and obviously just sensitive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODeC0fnDZMA

[tellomon]

This is What the NARCISSIST NEVER THOUGHT you would do that makes them regret until they Die |STOIC

Explore how Stoicism empowers you to confront narcissistic behavior with grace and wisdom. Learn how to break free from toxic cycles using ancient philosophies that emphasize self-awareness and inner resilience. Stoic Life Tips channel guides you through practical steps to set boundaries, maintain self-worth, and foster authentic relationships despite narcissistic challenges.

Join us on a journey toward understanding and healing as we delve into timeless wisdom that empowers you to thrive beyond narcissistic influence. Discover what it means to embody Stoicism in the face of adversity and redefine your path to personal empowerment.


@Alan-i3z1i
1 day ago
Wow thank you for explaining about narcissism, didn't know one of the traits, is when they give you the silent treatment, like ignoring your txt and calls, what I've learned is block them and get them out of my life, good advice to cut all contacts. Learned the hard way, thank you for your time and advice. If anyone experienced this, don't suffer in silence,  1. Lose contact completely. 2. Seek talking therapist through your GP. 3. Tell people how you've been mistreated to the people you feel comfortable with 4. Focus on yourself health and fitness traveling and ambitions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QhnSe8TLfM

[tellomon]

How do narcissists
treat old supply?

They treat old supply’s according to how much they hate you and if you tried to make them change or if you caused a narc injury! They will always blame you, seek vengeance and see you as a threat.

They will not admit any wrongdoing; they believe their own delusional convoluted made up lies they live from a prideful grandiose attitude of superiority.

It’ not even remotely possible to deal with an emotionally stunted child! Arrested development who takes no responsibility for all the madness and chaos they create! And then project this onto you in a smear campaign or character assassination.

These people can be very dangerous. They play games with people's lives and then they project and blame on the target person (scapegoat ) for all their inner misery they created.

They are drama kings and queens and thrive on chaos they create and live a very twisted delusional fantasy world. A childish me me me attitude is pathetic and sick behavior and no real bases of realty! So to the degree of devaluing you put you through you better believe that’s how they are. That’s their true inner nature, and they are the victim and they blame you for everything and that’s exactly how they will always treat you!

Only time they are nice is to manipulate and use you? They don’t care they don't have ethics, morals or value you in the least so take as no closer is up to you to stay no contact stay clear from their grip, their abusive twisted childish nature. You will only be abused and run down and degraded again! They are just users, abusers and losers.
_________________________________

Depends on what the supply provides.

I created 4 supply labels in my book.

Hot supply. The current partner lorded over social media, workplaces, bars, clubs. Local areas. Adored. Perfect. Being lovebombed. Fresh meat. New meat. The One.

Warm supply. The side-piece who thinks she is important because the narc needs her attention and toxic loyalty. She is a permanent fixture or recent ex.

Tepid supply. Long term ex. Long term sexter. Low self esteem. Occasionally brought in as las resort for sex. Old or young. Not attractive. Over eager.

Cold supply. Completely dumped/walked away ex. This person has had a VERY LUCKY ESCAPE!
_____________________________

They treat them like absolute sh!t. They wont acknowledge that they exist. Its like they have a delete button. You are nothing to them. They will ignore you and make everyone think that it's you that has issues. You were nothing to them while you were with them. And now that you're not, they have deleted you.
_______________________________

Narcissists are focused on their needs and wants today. Now. Are they getting attention and validation? Is there a primary supply giving it to them?

How they engage with old supply depends on:

Value - Did you provide them validation that they miss? They cannot self-validate.

Proximity/Availability - Are you nearby? Are you easily reachable? They don’t want to risk themselves.

Forgiving/Merciful - Are you likely to forgive their past antics and the devaluation? Are you currently responding to their texts and calls positively? Do you value them more than yourself?

Most narcissists leave doors open with old supply who are willing to engage. The narcissist wants you to stay available. The narcissist did the same thing with their old supply when you were the new supply.

If you are an ex to a narcissist, you don’t deserve mixed messages, confusing statements, hot and cold responses, and a cracked door to an already failed relationship. You deserve respect.

Even in a normal relationship, no matter how great it was early on, if it failed, there was a reason. It could be the compatibility to go long term wasn’t there. Or, there was an imbalance in affection. Or, there were dealbreakers that could not be overcome. Most people don’t change at a core level and that’s part of responsibility of dating, to be self aware and notice your partner’s strengths and weaknesses.
_________________________________

Nothing if they can't control or manipulate them anymore. If you know too much they'll see you as the enemy and will do 1 out of 2 things.

Stay far away from you completely out of fear of being exposed
Turn everyone against you through lies and etc. It depends on the type you're dealing with on how extreme things can get.
___________________________________

They are emotional cowards and, as such, don’t want any of the responsibility of dealing with their actions. Old supply still reminds them of who they are and what they are capable of. They ran the relationship into the ground, too many lies to remember, too many transgressions to keep secret. Feelings they can’t resolve. They run. They reinvent themselves. Over there they are whatever they say they are. They avoid us because being an adult and accountable for what they have done is outside their capabilities. They are destined to a life of self sabotage and loneliness.
_______________________________

Exactly like you'd treat your old iPhone that you didn't trade in for a new one and have an old iCloud account on.

You'd stick it in a junk drawer and pull it out from time to time to look at all your old pictures and videos and then turn it off and throw it back in the drawer until the next time you thought about it.
____________________________________

How will a narcissist act around his former supply after recently being discarded by his latest supply? A narcissist always has a revolving door in his harems. Sources of supply come and go, so a narcissist will always have multiple sources at any given time. There will always be former supply, recently discarded supply, ghosted supply, and many others, who continue to ride the merry-go-round with the narcissist. Most don’t know about each other.

If the narcissist is hoovering a former supply whose soul he wants to again feast upon, he’ll tell her he ended things with the latest supply because “She’s just not you. I realize now how much I love you and missed you, and I just had to come see you.” Plus, that Irma Grese is crazy!!

https://www.quora.com/How-do-narcissists-treat-old-supply

[tellomon]

What are the signs that
a narcissist is miserable?

Signs a narcissist is MISERABLE?

Are they breathing? 

Narcissists are notoriously miserable within, that is why they need to tear down others and make the chosen scape goat MISERABLE. It takes away their misery even if only in the moment of seeing someone else suffer. It energizes them to see other's suffer where it saps them into misery when others are happy!

Sorry, no sympathy on my end about “their misery”. This is just on point and factual about the ins of their mindset.

Their misery is self inflicted slights because they see themselves much more important than all others and if not treated as such 24/7, they go into their twisted thinking and hard head of nothingness obsessing on “how dare thee not worship me”. “How dare thee think this moment is about them”. How dare thee think about anything or anyone, but MEEEE” and if that “anyone” DARE feel happy because of something in their life that it is important, then beware you will get the narcs unsupportive, insulting, criticizing, gas lighting tear down wrath to bring you down which in turn put the focus off your moment and back onto them. Even if it is negative towards their ridicule, it still gets you from a happy high, to a miserable low in your head trying to figure out what the HELL!

Then they win. You miserable, they happy for that moment!

There is no pleasing these tyrants. You may appease them in a moment, but its always fleeting and only momentary and away they go on to the next perceived nothingness slight into their miserable way of thinking.

Don't worry, its never anything you actually have done wrong. Its just how they are hardwired and NO ONE CAN EVER make them TOTALLY HAPPY nor should anyone EVER make it their mission to try and do so. its mental, emotional and phycological suicide to try and dedicate one's life to appeasing an un-appeasable narcissist.

Some people think because they are miserable within that we should give them a hall pass and feel sorry for their misery, but that's total and utter BS. We feel sorry for them even though they go out of their way and to EXTREME measures to make us feel like SH!T? Naw they do it to themselves because they are SELFISH SELFISH angry SELFISH ME ME ME demons!

Their misery is self inflicted and their is no cure, not medication, not therapy, not enough comfort from you to love away their misery!

Its just who they are and always will be!
_________________________________

Have you noticed they're never happy for long? Especially after a public activity that should have been fun. They were smiling at the event but were completely different on the drive home.

They're hyper.
They have to be constantly entertained.
This is because they are always in pursuit of something to take their mind off what they are. This is why the phone is always in their hand, they are probably on a dating site or texting a new target.

If they have no prospects. They are gloomy, irritable, and looking out the window with that thousand yard stare. They are miserable to you because they hate themselves and want to get rid of that feeling by projecting it onto you.
______________________________

Any person who takes great pleasure in hurting another can not be happy with themselves. A genuinely happy person is happy when they make others happy.

Only a truly miserable person gets an almost euphoric high trying to destroy another.

There is something fundamentally wrong with any human being who takes pleasure in another's misfortune….that, right there is proof that they are miserable.
___________________________________

The feelings of shame, the black or white vision of the world, the insecurity, the sensibility to criticism, the necessity to internally lie, the necessity of never being seen as weak, the necessity to receive praises.

Rationally I know this is all bad for myself, but my mind keeps working like that. It's like a bunch of noise that keep reminding that I have to worry about how others sees me.

When the noise ceases for a second, the emptiness is indescribable. If I get praised, the happiness that I feel is intoxicating. If someone makes a critique, I feel like my blood pressure has gone through the roof and the bad sensations on my gut are terrible.

We never have peace, maybe when we're lying but this is just a palliative.
_________________________________

Narcissists are miserable in so many ways:

When the narcissist is especially miserable he or she will be moody and contemptuous, which can lead to “narcissist rages.”

When the narcissist is miserable he or she will snap at you for minor things, sometimes becoming full on sessions of emotional terrorism.

When the narcissist is miserable he or she will refuse to do any chores in the household.

When the narcissist is miserable he or she will be passive aggressive and nitpick you to death.

The narcissist will make you aware of his or her misery by sulking publicly.

The narcissist will show you that he or she is miserable by throwing tantrums when you reasonably ask him or her to do anything they don't want to do.

The narcissist is miserable when he or she launches into tirades about something or somebody he or she doesn't like.

The narcissist is miserable when he or she is outdone in absolutely anything.

The narcissist is miserable when you have a opinion or thought or feelings they don't approve of.

The narcissist is miserable when he or she loses at anything.

The narcissist is miserable when he or she makes a promise because they know they will break it, but making even a effort is too hard.

The narcissist is miserable when you are at your best. So he or she must cut you down.

Not a comprehensive list but narcissists are miserable almost constantly, they live in a world of misery and misery loves company so they think why don't we inflict some onto somebody else?

But the truth is that no amount of suffering they make you feel will alleviate the misery that they go thru. But rather than stop, they just figure, “Hey, this is a bottomless well of misery? Well, I'll just inflict maximum suffering on others and it'll go away, right? Right?”

Narcissists have zero self-awareness into their own suffering and repress it because they want to appear superior. When they feel too stressed out by their internal well of suffering, they inflict pain on you.

Narcissists will show their misery outwardly rather than inwardly, so be prepared for a lot of games where they take their anger out on you. They want total dominance, both over their own feelings of misery and over you.

They can't tolerate being miserable for long. When it all boils over they tend to abuse the people closest to them. You will see their behavior change instantly to somebody you don't recognize. It can be quite frightening.

Narcissists really need to be miserable and tell me I look like garbage, but I know they're miserable because they tell themselves that all the time and they just can't deal with their feelings.

It's not even sad anymore.

Just annoying that they hate everybody else so much when they are miserable.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-signs-that-a-narcissist-is-miserable

[tellomon]

Do all narcissists have nightmares?

That’s why they don’t sleep right. There’s torment going on in that mind of theirs and that’s why they struggle with sleep and bad sleeping patterns. At least mine did. She would go to sleep very late like 3 or 4 am, only falling off to sleep when she was exhausted and then wake up after 3 hours.

She had a prescription of Xanax and took extra to sleep. She didn’t work so (or more like couldn’t work), so she would catnap during the day. That torment in their brain knowing that they're f*cked up won’t let them relax like a normal person does. Karma.
_________________________________

What is the narcissist's worst nightmare?

The premature discard, by you.

Narcissists like to control the tempo of all their relationships –

When people are a part of their lives

When people no longer serve a purpose, and must depart their lives (ie the discard)

When it comes to the primary supply, the narcissist keeps close tabs –

Because the narcissist must know where the person's mind is at, at all times.

Narcissists often do change primary supply multiple times over the course of their lives.

After all, you do get mighty boring, low potency, after some time.

But it must always be on the narcissist's watch, not on the watch of the other person.

The relationship must only end, the discard must only happen, when the narcissist is ready.

Given that the primary supply is the main person which keeps the narcissist grounded, keeping their emotions reasonably regulated, the narcissist can only do away with this person when a new primary supply, which has been groomed, tried, and tested, is in a position to be the replacement.

But what if the current primary supply suspects something is going on, and that a discard may be on the tables for the near future?

What if you discard the narcissist, before the narcissist has the replacement in the right place?

That is the ultimate injury to the narcissist, in so many ways.

One which they find difficult to recover from.

How come?

First of all, it shows how the narcissist underestimated their current supply. Thinking the person was too weak, dependent, to leave the narcissist, which on its own hurts the narcissists ego and confidence enormously.

But at least equally as important, the narcissist has lost the person who has been the best tool for regulating their emotions.

When they lose their main object of projection, doormat, unexpectedly, they lose their sense of grounding.

No longer having an outlet for their toxicity, which they must now live with.

It slowly kills them.

So if you discard the narcissist when they were not quite ready to leave you, just know you would have pulled the carpet from beneath their feet, shattering their overall sense of stability.

They will most likely want you to stay, return to them, and will do whatever it takes to achieve this.

Just make sure you expect these behaviours from them, as it will be easier for you to ignore when they actually happen, no matter how convincing.
_______________________________

Not all narcissists experience nightmares, but research suggests that individuals with narcissistic traits may have a higher likelihood of experiencing certain sleep disturbances, including nightmares. This can be linked to underlying issues such as anxiety, stress, or unresolved emotional conflicts that may be more prevalent in narcissistic individuals.

Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and while some people with narcissistic traits may have nightmares, others may not. Nightmares can be influenced by various factors, including personality, mental health, life experiences, and stress levels, which means the relationship between narcissism and nightmares is not straightforward.
______________________________

My ex narc said he had “dreams” though he said he didn't recall a lot of them, but I got the feeling they weren't pleasant.
_______________________________

There aren't any actual statistics about narcissists having nightmares, so all the answers you get will probably be based on people's personal experiences with the narcissist they know.

The last narcissist I was involved with claimed he didn't dream. However I know he did and they were usually nightmares. The ironic thing is how telling they were about who he really was. Two of them stand out in my mind:

The first was that he and I were taking a shower together and I abruptly got out. Within seconds after I left the bathroom, a truck plowed through the wall and crushed him. He awoke screaming and immediately told me that he knew that was what was going to happen; that I would walk away from our relationship and leave him irreparably damaged.

Lol, As it happened, I did walk away but I was the one who was damaged. I personally think that his nightmare was the beginning of him projecting everything that was wrong in our relationship onto me.

The second one, he woke up yelling from fear. He said that in the nightmare, he was sleeping and a noise awakened him. He laid still and in the corner, he saw a dark shadow floating towards him until it enveloped him. He told me he felt like it was pure evil and it was attempting to take over his body.

Again, it seemed prophetic about the other side of him that was going to be in control very soon in our relationship.

I like to think that somewhere in their subconscious, they know there's something not quite right with them and it reveals itself in their dreams.

Of course, the next day, he denied any memory of having nightmares and insisted he never dreamed at all.
_______________________________

I don’t know if all do but my ex certainly did, in that he had bad nightmares much more than the ‘average person’. Graphic, horrifying, violent nightmares that regularly woke him up and bothered him during the day. He’d often text me about his nightmares and talked of the violence and malice in them.

The bad dreams often involved his children and he was very disturbed by some of his dreams. It was strange to wake up to some of his text messages and I sometimes wondered if he was a bit crazy with all his negative energy. Here’s some of the many ‘nightmare’ texts he sent me in quite a short space of time (approx. 18 months):

“OMG. Nightmares, nightmares, nightmares, extremely detailed, fantastic, accurate, descriptive gory, violent. Ignore the following [paragraph edited out] panic, screams, horror! Wake yourself up!!!! Quick is it a dream?”

“Didn't have a good night, I had absolutely horrendous nightmares. Not in a good place right now with a few issues”

“Slept really bad last night, horrible nightmares again, awake time and time again”

“I had the most horrendous nightmares last night, woke up nearly shouting. Gory, violent and so vivid!”

“Feel absolutely shite today obviously didn't sleep well, had nightmares about the kids and they really stick with me through the day”

“I am shattered, went to bed just after midnight, had some horrible nightmares”

“I slept like shite, had some nightmares about the kids, and was awake early”

“I had a horrible and disturbing nightmare last night”

“I'm so tired. I had horrible nightmares”

“Second rubbish night sleep in a row, really long, tense and horrible nightmares”

“I didn't sleep well, I had some really horrible nightmares”

“Didn't sleep well. Had some stupid nightmares”

“Lots of nightmares last night”

“I slept horribly last night, couldn't stop thinking and revolving in bed, then had nightmare”

“Didn't have a good night, I had absolutely horrendous nightmares”

I wonder if all the sinister dreams and bad things he witnessed in his sleep were him seeing his true self? The damage he had done to others over the years, haunting him.

Who knows?

https://www.quora.com/Do-all-narcissists-have-nightmares

[tellomon]

How do narcissists destroy their own relationships?

Narcissists are experts at ruining their own relationships, which is one reason why you can never make them happy.

Their self-sabotage comes from three main reasons:

1. They can’t see the whole picture:

Narcissists can’t see you as a complete person. You’re either “all good” or “all bad” in their eyes. When something goes wrong, they can’t stay positive about the relationship and assume it’s over.
Because of this, when they see you as “all bad,” they might do or say things that seriously harm the relationship.

They might:
Say something so hurtful that it changes everything.
Reveal your deepest secrets.
Destroy something important to you.
Cheat on you.

Once they switch back to seeing you as “all good,” they forget ever thinking you were “all bad.” They don’t remember saying or doing anything hurtful because they "never felt that way." This is when you’ll hear things like:
"That never happened."
"I would never say that to you!"
"That doesn’t sound like me."


2. They need constant admiration (narcissistic supply):

Narcissists have a powerful need for attention and validation, which overrides everything else.
They get this supply in two ways:
By being admired, praised, and validated.
By feeling powerful and in control, often by putting others down.

They might:
Ruin your laundry by leaving a pen in their pocket, just to mess with you.
Get fired from their job, cutting off family income, just to get attention.
Keep lying, even if you’ve warned them you’ll leave if it happens again.

3. They need to protect their image:

Narcissists care deeply about how others see them, so they’ll sabotage their relationships to maintain their image.

They might:
Put you down in public to look powerful.
Flirt with younger, attractive people to boost their own attractiveness.
Transfer money into their name to stay in control.

If their image includes being a victim, they’ll sabotage themselves to create more victim stories.

They might:
Post a picture while driving to make sure they’re not seen as a safe driver.
Be aggressive with their kids to ensure they only get supervised visits.
Spend all their money so they can claim to be broke.

But is it actually sabotage?

Or instead, is the narcissist getting exactly what they need?

While it appears that the narcissist has ruined their day, their financial security, their relationship with their kids, the narcissist has actually secured narcissistic supply. That’s their primary need.

The narcissist has gotten exactly what they wanted.
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Narcissists can undermine their own relationships in several ways, often due to their personality traits and behaviors. Here are some common patterns:

Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often struggle to empathize with others, which can lead to emotional neglect. They may dismiss their partner's feelings or needs, causing resentment and disconnection.

Manipulation and Control: They may use manipulation to maintain control over their partners, which can create an unhealthy dynamic. This includes gaslighting, where they make their partner doubt their own perceptions and feelings.

Entitlement and Expectations: Narcissists often feel entitled to special treatment and may have unrealistic expectations of their partners. This can lead to frustration and disappointment when their needs are not met.

Fear of Vulnerability: They may avoid vulnerability and intimacy, which are crucial for healthy relationships. This can result in superficial connections that lack depth and trust.

Inability to Handle Criticism: Narcissists can react defensively or aggressively to criticism, making it difficult for their partners to express concerns or feelings. This can stifle open communication.

Self-Centeredness: Their focus on their own needs and desires often leads to neglecting their partner's needs. Over time, this can erode the foundation of the relationship.

Idealization and Devaluation: Narcissists may initially idealize their partners but can quickly shift to devaluing them once the initial excitement fades. This cycle can cause significant emotional harm.

Lack of Accountability: They often refuse to take responsibility for their actions or mistakes, which can lead to unresolved conflicts and a breakdown of trust.
Jealousy and Possessiveness: Narcissists may exhibit jealousy and possessiveness, leading to controlling behaviors that can suffocate their partners and create a toxic environment.

Inconsistent Behavior: Their behavior can be erratic, leading to confusion and instability in the relationship. This unpredictability can make it difficult for their partners to feel secure.

These behaviors can create a toxic cycle that ultimately leads to the deterioration of relationships, as partners may feel undervalued, manipulated, and emotionally drained.
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People with NPD, and especially coverts, will degrade and devalue the people closest to them. This has the effect of slowly pushing away the people that should mean the most to them.

Additionally they get bored, supply gets stale and they chase shiny new supply. This entails lots of lies and cheating, eventually unraveling their intimate relationships. Inevitably they will cycle through people as they use them up which just further validates the cycle until one day they end up alone or worse, under the control of a worse Narc than themselves. They live pitiable, miserable lives strewn with the wreckage of people they have hurt.
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Of course, let’s dive in.

Listen up! Narcissists are the architects of their own demise. But let’s break it down, real alpha style.

First off, you have to understand that a narcissist is always in the hunt for validation. They crave admiration like a lion craves the thrill of the chase. It’s all about ego-feeding. But here's the twist – they’ll never find satisfaction. It’s an endless pit. See, they need their partner to constantly boost their self-esteem, praise them, worship their every move. It becomes a dictatorship of incessant neediness.

Now, put yourself in the partner’s shoes. At first, it might feel like you’re dating a king or queen. The charm, the confidence – it’s addicting. Narcissists can make you feel like you’re the only person in the universe. But quickly, that charm turns into control. Their partner is forced into a role of servitude. Their dreams, ambitions, even opinions start getting overshadowed – nothing more than a shadow to the narcissist's spotlight.

Which brings me to the classic cycle. Boom! The narcissist will build you up just to tear you down. Gaslighting, manipulation, making their partners question their own reality and sanity. It’s psychological warfare. Slay your spirit right down the middle so you feel like you need them. They isolate you from family, friends, caging you in their own little kingdom of chaos. It’s their world and you're just living in it.

Eventually, the facade starts to crack. No matter how grand you think you are, people catch up. Their false self can’t hold up forever. The partner sees the truth – the insecurity, the fragility masked as grandiosity. Once that mask slips, respect is broken, trust goes out the window. It’s a house of cards collapsing inwards.

Here’s when things turn explosive. The narcissist can't handle being exposed, so they go on the offensive. Blame-shifting, calling out every fault in their partner to deflect from their own failures. Their partner, drained and depleted, either breaks away or is left as a hollow shell. The relationship becomes so toxic it implodes.

But here’s the kicker: it’s always a pattern. The narcissist never learns, never grows. They move to the next target, bringing the same hellfire and chaos. It’s all about the next high. No introspection, no growth. Ironically, for someone so obsessed with their own greatness, they never achieve true fulfillment, never savor the tranquility of a genuine, loving relationship.

At the end of the day, a narcissist is their own worst enemy. Their endless quest for validation becomes their undoing. Every relationship burned to ashes, every bridge scorched beyond recognition. They’ll never change because they refuse to look in the mirror and see the flaws staring back.

Want to avoid this chaos? Value humility, integrity, respect. Build real connections, based on mutual growth and support. That’s the real power, the real strength – something a narcissist will never grasp. Stay sharp. Stay strong.

That’s it. That’s the truth. Real talk.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-narcissists-destroy-their-own-relationships

[tellomon]

What does a narcissist do when they can't control you?

When the narcissist can't control you anymore, certain things are going to happen in this dynamic. First of all, the narcissist is going to hate the fact that they can't control you. The narcissist hates this. Remember, they think that you belong to them, and also that the relationship is very transactional. You are their property, so they own you, and they believe they can do whatever they want with you.
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When a narcissist loses control over you, they start hating you and twist the truth to make you look like the villain in their story. This helps them justify their bad behavior like lying, cheating, and stealing, especially during a breakup. They’re just using you to release the anger they've held onto their whole life.

Winners and Losers.

To a narcissist, everyone is either a winner or a loser. If they can’t control you, they’ll try to make you feel unimportant. They start arguments over petty things just to prove they’re better than you. This is where they begin to devalue you.

Devaluation.

In a relationship, a narcissist uses you to feel good about themselves. They think they’re the "winner" if they control everything, while they see you as the "loser" if you’re kind or considerate. Your love and efforts are seen as weaknesses, making them feel like they can get away with anything. They’ll make you question yourself even when they get caught.

Don’t Engage.

Don’t let their hatred and twisted reality get to you. Giving their fantasy any attention only distracts you from focusing on yourself. I’ve been there—trying to prove myself to others because of the lies a narcissist spread. But that only wasted my time and energy. Instead, focus on getting back to being you.

Give Them Their Own Misery.

Instead of fighting against their lies and manipulation, spend your energy on reconnecting with yourself. Stop caring about their twisted story. Take back your power by not caring what they think or say about you.

Give to Yourself.

It’s time to be there for yourself, just like you’ve been there for others. You deserve it. Take control, focus on your goals, and leave the narcissist’s games behind.
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When they start feeling that way at that moment in time you already know they hate you, a lot. Pray they leave quickly and quietly. But they won't, they can't, and they are not, you are. Whatever it takes because the narcissist has to get even now.

The dirty narcissist will try to control the way people see you. You'll notice, hmmm, I haven't gotten a text message all day. Does anyone know I exist? People you normally speak to will pretend they don't see you and turn around. You will feel very insignificant. They go straight for the jugular. You might lose your job, you could also become homeless.

Effective immediately because you are an abuser. You will be getting a TPO. Count on it.Then they will be in control because you will be locked up in jail for some bullshit charge. And there is plenty more. That was a female narcissist , had it happen to me recently. I'm telling you, they will hate your guts. Just for control. Those sick waste of life, two timing, back stabbing turds.
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When a narcissist can't control you, they typically respond by flipping the situation around and making you the villain. They'll accuse you of using them, being crazy, or even being the narcissist in the relationship. This can be particularly confusing, especially if you start questioning yourself and worrying that you might be the problem. But the fact that you're concerned about this and willing to research it is a clear sign that you're not the narcissist.

When you stand up to them, they won’t understand or accept what you're saying because they believe the world revolves around them. To them, their outbursts of rage or prolonged silent treatment were completely justified.

They'll become furious that you reacted to their abuse, and in response, they may discard you. After that, they often embark on a smear campaign, spreading lies about you to anyone who will listen and twisting the truth to fit their narrative.

In the end, they'll look for one last way to make you suffer, whether it's financially harming you, lying to your family, or finding some other way to make you pay for their own deep-seated self-hatred.

https://www.quora.com/What-does-a-narcissist-do-when-they-cant-control-you

[tellomon]

What is the saddest truth about being the victim of narcissistic abuse?

The fact that none of it was real. When you're in a “normal” relationship and it comes to an end, there are still things that you can hold onto. You still share good memories and experiences with the person.

You can still look back on it, good and bad, and be glad that you had the experience. You've grown with this person and they with you. You've changed each other and, generally, there is that mutual acknowledgment of this fact. Even if it ends badly, there is an acknowledgement of the other person.

Of their thoughts and feelings. It was real and even though it may have come to an end, for whatever reason, that will never change. You can still take some good from it.

With a narcissist it's completely different. When the discard occurs and the fog lifts, you begin to put the pieces together, the picture that is revealed to you is not an easy one to process. You have to face the reality that none of it was real. You were lured in, manipulated, abused, replaced and then discarded by a heartless predator who sought nothing more than to control you for their own gratification.

You find yourself going back over everything that happened in the relationship, both good and bad, and seeing it in an entirely different light. You realise that everything about the relationship revolved around them. Their wants and their needs. That you were alone this whole time. An indoctrinated slave to a mentally dysfunctional individual, who only ever pretended to love you to get what they needed.

There is literally nothing to hold onto. Nothing to take away from it, except the feelings of hurt, betrayal and misery. The good times become tainted as the true nature of them is revealed and the bad times take on a horrific new meaning. You are forced to face the fact that the person that you were in love with, the person who had spent all this time professing their own undying love for you, never even cared about you.

You thought them the love of your life. Your soul mate, but to them, you were nothing. They never had any interest in you. They never cared about you. They never even really saw you. All they saw was what you could do for them. They had as much emotional attachment to you, as we do to an appliance. A microwave or a vacuum cleaner. And when you stopped functioning the way that they wanted you to, they dropped you off at the dump and went shopping for a new appliance.

The beginning of my relationship was the happiest that I've been in over ten years. I soared higher than cloud nine. I thought I'd found my place. My meaning. The reason that it had never worked out with anyone else. It felt ment to be. That it was destiny. That we were destined to be together and she encouraged this thinking. Parreting back to me my emotional sentiments.

But that's all it ever was, mirroring. The person that I was in love with never even existed. They were a work of fiction. A fabrication, tailor made just for me. Tailor made with the sole purpose of locking me down so that my admiration, love and eventual pain could be extracted.

It's such a hard thing to come to terms with, if not near impossible. It completely changes the way that you look at the world and the people that you share it with. I had no idea that people like this even existed. I thought that the only people who had to worry about people pretending to be in love with them were celebrities and the rich.

I have often thought that it would have been easier if she had died rather than be revealed to be what she was. If she had passed away, the image of her in my mind would not have be so thoroughly obliterated. The memories that we shared would not have become tainted and the loving words that she had spoken to me would not have taken on the form of poison, poured into my ear.

At the end of a relationship with a narcissist there is nothing to hold onto. Nothing to take away except heartbreak, betrayal and pain. You're left in the shattered remnants of your life. Alone. With nothing to show for it, but wasted time, poisoned memories and a world view that has been warped beyond recognition.
________________________________

The loss of innocence. People can live a lifetime without ever having the experience of heartbreak, deep sadness, sudden betrayal, lack of empathy, fake love, and trauma associated with an attachment to a narcissist.

If it happens, it changes you forever. Many people try to put a positive spin on the change, saying it causes you to grow and love yourself more. I disagree. I have had a life full of cognitive and emotional growth. I never had a problem loving who I am, what I have accomplished, and how I treated others throughout my tenure here on planet earth.

I didn't want or need to experience falling in love with a narcissist to become a better person. I have instead regressed. It has shaken my view of humanity, and my faith in the same. I knew there was evil in the world. I just never knew it could be disguised as love.
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I think the saddest truth about being the victim of narcissistic abuse is realizing that while you have been trying to build a solid, loving and mutually respectful relationship with a narcissist, for all this time they have been trying to knock you out of your balance and bring you down to their level.

It is extremely difficult to comprehend why another human being would want to do such a thing to someone who tries to bring them to their best self. It seems childish, cruel and disruptive just for the sake of it. And that is truly sad.
_________________________________

The saddest part is the inability to describe it, but a close second is the abrupt deletion of the principle of ‘what goes around, comes around’ from your life. In this situation, you do not reap what you sow, and fairness becomes a distant memory in a way that defies words.

Sure, some people have great verbal skills, but there is no way to aptly make another person completely understand the soul-crushing completeness of a situation like that, unless they have experienced it themselves.

There’s no other place in life where you do everything that you believe to be right, forgive like a saint, swallow unbelievable acts against your dignity, apologize for things you didn’t do wrong, and keep attempting to challenge the horrors of it all by being the best ‘you’ that you can be…and get nothing back for it but the absolute inverse of what such positive and selfless acts in life and between people ordinarily would.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-saddest-truth-about-being-the-victim-of-narcissistic-abuse

[tellomon]

What are some questions a narcissist can’t answer?

One question a narcissist can't answer is "Who are you?"
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Anything involving the truth and anything involving accountability.
They will gaslight you, lie and scapegoat someone else.
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These are 5 questions all narcissists can’t answer:

1. What makes you happy?

Narcissists hardly know what makes them happy, not to talk about defining happiness for another person. Hence, when you ask narcissists what makes them happy, you might hear a thing that concerns their ego and high self-esteem. But when it comes to what makes you, the questioner, happy, they are likely not to have good answers.

2. Why won't you admit you're wrong?

As we mentioned initially, a narcissist has a potent tendency to avoid responsibility and push blame on the people around them. It normally serves as their means of escaping responsibility and admitting their mistakes. Hence, when you point out situations where they push blame and ask why they are always doing that, they would likely leave or stay silent.

3. What's your definition of love?

Love, in the general language, is the drive towards love and hate, actions and reasons, and other things. Normal people have love within them and share that love with those around them. But for narcissists, their love is all for themselves. The irony of the situation is that to feel love is to share the love, and since narcissists' love is all about themselves, they feel that it's only the people they can manipulate who love them. Hence, they can't define love as a feeling that doesn't have to revolve around their ego.

4. Why do you care more about outsiders' thoughts than that of your lovers?

A narcissist is like an entrepreneur, always searching for new means to ground more money. But in a narcissist's case, they want to have more people in their arsenal to aid their manipulation and have people shift blames. Hence, if you ask them why they care more about what outsiders think about them than what you, as their lover, think or feel, they are likely not to give a full answer. The main aim is to have more people to manipulate, so they won't tell you.

5. What do you feel you need to adjust?

Life is about growth and adjustment to several things. It might be the manner of thoughts, the display of actions, or learning new things. It's all about changes and growth. But a narcissist is perfect; they don't see the need to adjust and change some things about themselves. So when you ask them what they feel they need to change about themselves, they are likely not to answer because they feel they are the best and there is no need to learn more or change for any reason.
_________________________________

Any questions about themselves. About their past. Any kind of question like why do you love me. What about me makes you love me? They wont answer or will struggle to answer because there is no answer. They dont love you and never have. There with you to take there mind off themself. Your destruction, to them, is like any hobby, its just somethin to pass the time. That's how much they care about other people.
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If you mean questioning the behavior of a narcissist, anything that starts with “why.” Narcissists don’t like to realize what they do to other people, and asking them “why” makes them feel vulnerable because they have been caught with their pants down, so to speak.

Vague questions let them twist your words around so that you look like the guilty person. The more specific you are in asking the narcissist “why did you do [specific incident],” he has to focus his attention to himself and see his ugly behaviors. They just aren’t built to scrutinize themselves when they are made aware of their short-comings of being a decent human being.
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I may be wrong, but I have a few…

Who are you?

Who are you truly?

Do you realize you need help?

Do you truly love/ respect yourself?

What do you truly want in life?

If something where to happen to you, who would truly grieve or care?

Do you really think your social circle is real with you?

Are you being realistic with yourself?

Do you have any true love within your heart?
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Its more like what are the questions a narcissist WONT answer.

They are capable of answering any question you ask. They just dont like to so they dont.

Or, if they do, they are very vague or skirt around the question altogether.

They are not there to give out info, they are there to take info……..and anything else they can get from ya.
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1). Tell me about your past mistakes?

2). How did you contribute to your problems in your past failed relationships?

3). Tell me about three areas of weakness that you need to grow and improve in?

4). Tell me about an embarrassing moment in your life?

5). What does your wife/husband, children, friends, coworkers think about you?

6). Who is the person or people you would give credit to for where you are today?

7). What is the best advice you received from someone?

8). Who are your three closest friends?

9). Describe the top ten traits you like or admire in the most significant person in your life…

10). Tell me about a time you got triggered by someone? What was the deeper issue that caused you to have that reaction?
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A narcissist is like a parrot. They can remember what’s said before, or situations that lead to emotional reactions.

This means finding answers to questions related to what’s may happen in the future will be very difficult for a narcissist.
_________________________________

A question my NPD ex couldn't answer:

Do you have any flaws?

I asked him this a couple of times, when he kept on telling me everything that was wrong with me that ought to be corrected. The closest to him answering was, in a very sweeping way: “Oh I have many flaws” - but the only example he could come up with was saying that he was very dominant. And this was in fact not a flaw to him but instead a proof of his (self proclaimed) superiority.

https://fphlhibflhdupulk.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-dislike-being-questioned

[tellomon]

How does a narcissist react to being ignored by someone they're trying to provoke?

Not well.

Narcs love attention, even negative attention, so the provoking is an attempt to get that attention. If the attempt fails, the narc either has to slink off, defeated (not a usual narc thing) or try harder to get the desired attention, which means provoking even further.

But if the victim stands fast and continues to ignore, it is a brilliant tactic, because the narc has nowhere to go without getting so extreme he’ll look an idiot. So, great idea, keep ignoring. You will win eventually.Narcs damage people. Everyone normal should know about narcissism.

This is surprisingly easy, because they always act the same, all the time, and they do the same things to people over and over again. There is a narc pattern. So one good book will do it. My favourite book on narcissism is "Prepare to be Tortured- the price you will pay for dating a narcissist". AB Jamieson, Amazon. It covers all the layman needs to know about narcissism, and is written in a clear, concise, colloquial way.

It goes through the pattern, which is really helpful if you want to know what is ahead of you and how the whole thing will play out. It starts off with relationships but then moves on to chapters on narcs with money, narcs and control, narcs as friends and colleagues etc. It also has a list of traits- red flags, so you can identify them, and stay away from them.
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Watch tf out!
When narcissists attempt to provoke or elicit reactions from someone and that person ignores them instead, the narcissist often responds quite poorly. They typically react with anger, hostility, threats, and attempts to control or regain the psychological upper hand.

The reasons an ignored narcissist reacts this way stem from the inherent qualities of narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists have an overwhelming need for attention and validation which they expect others to provide, to bolster their inflated but fragile egos. They feel entitled to provoke and manipulate to get reactions.

Being deliberately ignored cuts off that much-needed supply of attention and emotional reactions. This sends the narcissist into a tailspin, making them feel enraged at the perceived rejection and extremely insecure about losing their perceived position of power and control.

In response, the provoked narcissist will likely retaliate through emotional abuse, gaslighting, verbal attacks, threats regarding the relationship, or by attempting to restrict and control the person ignoring them. They essentially pull out all the stops to force the desired reaction of attention from their target. For the narcissist, even provoking negative emotions is better than being ignored completely.

The underlying message they convey through an intense reaction is “How dare you ignore me!” Narcissists feel entitled to other’s attention, even if gaining it requires unhealthy behavior. And they lash out when denied. Essentially, an ignored narcissist reacts very poorly due to the blow it delivers to their disordered psyche.
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They're pissed.

Even if they seem decent on the outside, on the inside they are in a rage. They become wounded due to the fact that you are not providing the supply or fuel that they need, crave, and must have.

Now you must be punished, some how, some way. The honeymoon is over and now you will be constantly devalued while triangulated with a secondary source of supply. Given your true and honest nature and due to the realization that you have become aware that you are ensnared by a covert Narcissist, exposure is inevitable.

Huge narcissistic injury.

Unknown to you, you have likely been causing narcissistic injury, after narcissist injury which will inevitably result in your unexpected and severe punishment. You have now become a negative source of supply. You have awoken a fury in this Narcissist and your punishment is currently and covertly in the works and you have no idea.

Then one day, surprise! You're abusive, you're a cheater, drug addict, thief, alcoholic, pill popping, doctor shopping lazy bum that never does anything, plus your mean and hateful so nobody should like you. The victim of a smear campaign, harassment, untrue gossip, character assassination, and you are now discarded like trash. You are now left crushed, helpless, isolated, confused, heart broken, miserable, and slowly everything is taken from you via the double-bind tactic.

As a narc survivor once stated: "You were like a cup of fresh coffee. If you want it sweeter, you can put some sugar in there. But as time goes on, it becomes stale, depleted, consumed. Now that the coffee is consumed, all that's left is the empty cup, it's trash that is thrown into the bin".

That's how a narcissist views you. Like an object or appliance. A temporary luxury with an expiration date. Once you're drained, they are on to the bigger better deal ie. New Supply.

So you rebuild yourself slowly, heal yourself, and try to move on. Your light begins to shine again, you have revamped yourself and rebuilt yourself to some point although you still suffer cognitive dissonance, or two conflicting beliefs.

Now comes the Hoover. The Narcissist charms you back knowing they have your heart. Love bombing, devalue, discard, now you're left on the ground like a corpse that just had all the positive energy and life sucked out of you all over again.

Go no contact, delete them from your phone, move away if possible, disappear, take legal action if necessary and remove this toxic waste from your life forever and pursue a happy relationship with someone of like mind that won't abuse and manipulate you.
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The more you IGNORE the NPD the more the NPD will reach out to you. The more you chase the NPD the more the NPD will run. The more control you take back the more the NPD will want that control back. It's a battle of WILL's with them. They will possess your WILL. They get your will. They keep your will. They break your will. They destroy your will.
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Narcissists often react strongly to being ignored, especially if they are trying to provoke a reaction from someone. Here are some common responses:

Increased Aggression: They may become more aggressive or hostile, attempting to escalate the situation to regain attention.

Manipulation: Narcissists might resort to manipulation tactics, such as guilt-tripping or playing the victim, to elicit a response.

Attention-Seeking Behavior: They may engage in dramatic displays or seek attention from others to compensate for the perceived neglect.

Denial or Dismissal: Some may downplay the importance of the person ignoring them, claiming they don't care or that the other person is insignificant.

Outbursts of Anger: If their attempts to provoke fail, they may experience rage or frustration, as their need for validation is unmet.

Silent Treatment: Ironically, they might respond with their own version of the silent treatment, attempting to regain control by ignoring the other person in return.

Overall, a narcissist's reaction is typically driven by their need for validation and control, leading to a range of emotional and behavioral responses when they feel ignored.

https://www.quora.com/How-does-a-narcissist-react-to-being-ignored-by-someone-theyre-trying-to-provoke

[tellomon]

Will narcissists leave their partner if they find
someone else?

Ron Culley
Narc abuse recipient in progress
1 day

Count on it, guaranteed. Everybody knows this. We read Quora!
____________________________________

If the present partner has caught on to the lying and calls him/her on it then yes. Narcissist people need someone who falls for their every move. Who won't confront them about the lies. You start standing up for yourself, and I guarantee your Narc will leave you for another person.
__________________________________

The narcissist leaves you for someone else because that person is shiny and new! The narcissist craves novelty. The narcissist needs stimulation from the thrill of the chase. Plus the narcissist is always shopping for new partners because they know that if their current partner were to learn the truth about them then they might be abandoned.

Ultimately, the narcissist is always ready to drop their partner for someone else who they perceive to be more capable of enhancing their own status. This means that the narcissist is constantly searching for another, better partner. As soon as they’ve got a new partner locked in they ditch the old partner.

Usually they either ghost that partner or they intentionally get caught cheating. Either way, it’s a huge mind-F for the person they left. The narcissist gets bored very quickly. This cycle repeats itself forever.
_________________________________

SOMETIMES.

Depending on the situation.

Suppose they find the exact thing they want in the other person, they will leave.

These could be things like:

Money.
Status.
Social acceptance.
Housing.
Devotion.
You name it. Whatever they keep the company of their partner for.

If they find the equivalent of it in a new person, they won't hesitate to leave the partner, start treating them like a homeless stranger, ( OR MAKING THEM ONE ) and paint them as an obsessed psycho that's refusing to accept the relationship being over.

BUT...
...if they find someone else, which in 99% of the cases is inevitably going to happen,  they feel that they need their partner still, to keep certain benefits,

The difference is then, the narcissist will stay in the partner's home to use it as a place to rest their weary head and unload their dismay and loathing on the partner, for feeling like the partner is keeping them hostage.

After which they can, fully rested and stress-free, continue on building their new and exiting relationship.

Yes, sometimes they leave.

And when they don't, they still do.
_________________________________

Yes. If they think they can do better than you or “want to keep their options open” they will. Narcissists tend to think that they deserve the best of the best and if they don't think that's you, they will upgrade because they think they are entitled to perfection and will not settle for less. Hope this helps and stay strong!
________________________________

Narcissists commonly have a pool of victims, each of which meets their needs at any given moment. Narcissists have no boundaries and they never invest themselves in a "relationship".

There usually is no "one person" in the "life of a narcissist". Rather, there are people who believe they are in a relationship with a narcissist in which (again) the narcissist makes no emotional investment.

This is hard for any victim to understand. They think everything is fine and they believe they are "in" a "healthy" relationship. They are not.

All "leaving" appears to be is "the end" but in fact there is never closure with a narcissist.

So from the narcissist's perspective they are busy with someone and another victim thinks they have "left".

Narcissists don't leave, they just discard.
______________________________

Yes they always do as a matter of fact, they usually are already friends with them, flirting, talking, texting, meeting up behind your back many times throughout the relationship, then hit you with the discard
_________________________________

Well truth be told they are Never ever exclusive EVER ! They have no morals ok they have several places ( people ) to go to to attain what they need .

They are big liars, they steal. they destroy .

They look for empathetic people with huge hearts that they can isolate minulaption and mentally mind f*ck.
__________________________________

Yes!!! It's called supply… granted supply comes from everybody around the narcissist but if the mistress gives the narcissist more supply then his wife does then yes he will leave her.

My narcissistic ex husband divorced me for his married mistress and only told me 2 months after he filed for it over text message. When I tried talking to him and asked him what the hell is happening, he flat out refused to talk to me but he did blame me.

On my birthday he sent me another text message telling me to “get the felafel out of my house”, his mistress moved in the same day I moved out. All the while when I asked him if he was having an affair with this particular woman he told me… “Are you crazy, she is old and married”. It's always the ones they bad mouth that you can bet your whole life on that they cheating on you with.
________________________________

No. They will either be badmouthing you to the new person, or trying to somehow come between you, possibly try to get you back just to feed their ego, then become the same person you left or worse, or may even start trouble with this new person.

If you share kids, they will definitely try to alienate the kids from this new person. Nothing reasonable or responsible about the narc, and they will definitely not be happy for you when they are so miserable (even if they have someone new). The narcs I know are aggressive, possessive, over the top jealous, envious of your happiness, etc.

They will try to make you miserable somehow. Your new partner should be made aware of this sicko and their possible tricks. They will try all the tricks they know.
______________________________

Hell yeah they do, then they Hoover you back in, making you think that you're the only one. That they love you and have to have you in our lives and couldn't stop loving you if they tried. It's all bullshit. They always have someone on the side. Whether you're the primary source or you're the dirty little secret, there's ALWAYS someone else. They can't have this one person, you'll bore them. It's heartbreaking when you suspect it but just can't place it, but life-shattering when see it for yourself. But it's the norm for them.

https://www.quora.com/Will-narcissists-leave-their-partner-if-they-find-someone-else

[tellomon]

10/11/2016 6:06AM
Luka Luciano
Luka
fyi sherry has been talking shite about you saying your a freeloader living off her lazy bum drunk...she is spending night with kevin in vta says she made you sleep in her rv not in a relation ship any more planning to give you the boot. a conspiracy pretty low that is why i am writing hate cheaters liars backstabbers lame ass way to do things she made herself out as a victim not cool...

[tellomon]

What is it that narcissists don't want you to know?

THAT THEY’RE FRAUDS.

Complete phonies.

That they have no authentic self or sense of self.

That their entire existence is a show. An act.

A fake.

Who they show the world they are, is an amalgamation of numerous conquests and the personalities of lovers or people that they momentarily admire, and adopt as their own.

And that deep down, they know this.

And their greatest fear, is that becoming public knowledge.

If it were publicly exposed, the shame would be unbearable to them.

But, there’s no way in hell that they’d ever publicly admit that, willingly.

There isn’t a thing about them that is inherently genuine.

They’re a fraud.
________________________________

Well, they don't want you to know their true intentions, who they really are, what they are capable of, and what they have done in the past.

In other words, narcissists do not want you to see behind their facade, they want you to see only the facade and accept the facade as the real them.

They don't want you to know they are only in it for themselves, that they are takers and not givers. They try to come across as givers at the beginning, but that is part of their expert ploy to give a little at the beginning, but only take later once you are hooked on them… after they have transformed you into a narc-junkie, their junkie.

They don't want you to know that they do not care about you, have never cared, and have no ability to care in the future. They do not have access to attributes like emotional/ compassionate empathy - and so are handicapped in the area of giving a f*ck about others. Despite all that, the narcissist will do everything possible to make you think they care, to give them that much more leverage over you.

They don't want you to know that they are unable to generate good feelings from within, and so they are unable to radiate anything good from themselves because they have nothing good to offer. Anytime the narcissist is in a good mood, is looking happy, cheerful, they have stolen that good energy from someone else as supply, part of their take and take style relationships.

Narcissists do not want you to know that it is in your best interest to run from them, fast and far, as they are no good. They are seriously the Joker disguised as Prince Charming, and if you haven't noticed yet, you will soon find out.
_______________________________

Narcissists don't want you to know their true intentions, who they really are, what they are capable of, and what they have done in the past. Narcissists do not want you to see behind their fake facade. They want you to only accept them, because of their fear of rejection and abandonment.

They don't want you to know they are only in it for themselves, and that they are takers and not givers. They don’t want you to that they will try to destroy every opportunity they get.

They won’t tell you that they know you’re strong, and noble which makes them weak and immoral.

They won't tell you that they need you far greater than you ever needing them.

They won’t tell you that your happiness reminds them of their inability to happy.

They won’t tell you that they have a great deal of self-hatred, and self-loathing.

They won’t tell you that they fear rejection, and hate being called out on their behavior or criticized for anything.

They won’t tell you that they live a double life with many different skeletons in their closets that will scare you like the boogie man.

They don't want you to know that they don’t care about you and have no ability to care about you, and for you. They do not have access to attributes like compassion, empathy - and only think about what they want or need from others.

Despite all that, the narcissist will do everything possible to manipulate you, to give them that much more leverage over you as a way to control you. They don't want you to know that they are unable to generate good feelings from within, because they have nothing good to offer except chaos, confusion, and emotional terror.

They don't want you to know that there is a significant and profound fear of abandonment residing at the core of their inner psyche. They deal with inner demons, and emotional torture.

Underneath the confidant exterior is a weak, vulnerable, and insecure individual who is empty, shallow, and afraid. Narcissists do not want you to know that it is in your best interest to run from them, as fast, and far away from them as you can.
___________________________

Narcissist don’t care if you discover things about them. They care if you tell others.

If you are going to expose them then they care and they will discard and destroy you.

But first they will try to confuse, spin the truth, minimize what you suspect, and lovebomb you back into compliance. If that doesn’t work they have to destroy you and all that you love so that you look crazy and so no one will believe you.

If you discover they are cheating on you that’s okay they have already told people it’s you that’s cheating. But if you have proof they are cheating then they care. And will destroy you.

If you discover they are stealing they will make you feel like it’s your fault and that if you had loved them you wouldn’t have forced them to do it this way.

If you discover that they are selfish and cruel but hide it behind a mask of deceit they will have to hurt you so bad that you doubt what you see cause they will do it with love and kindness

Nothing you know about them will be true. And they will make you think that you deserved to be deceived and destroyed for how you hurt them. Cause in reality you were nothing to them and their words fooled you but the words should have alerted you when their actions stopped matching.
___________________________________

They are fully aware that they are evil within. But can never tell you that as that will automatically scare each victim away.

As long as you are useful to the narcissist, they will keep you around them. Manipulated in all creative ways. Once your fuel serves them no purpose, you're yesterday’s garbage.

Love has nothing to do with this relationship. Love means nothing to this inhuman being. Counting how many suicide victims they lead to is more important as that means they are super powerful.

Being able to take you from cloud 9 to six feet underground in a few minutes gives them a thrill. A unique kind of fuel.

Us crying, becoming angry, getting sick, we harm ourselves gives them pleasure. A unique kind of sickening pleasure.

Deep down they hate us. They cannot stand that we can laugh, smile and be generally happy just because we feel blessed. They have lost the child that once lived inside that body. We can still act like an innocent 5 year old with those we feel safe with. A narcissist has to act the part.

If disaster strikes your life, expect panic, raging and zero support from the narcissist. They will not hesitate to up and leave in the worst of the worst moments of tragedy.

And of course if a narcissist becomes a parent, then you will know what SCUM OF THE EARTH is all about. Simply because the WORST OF THE WORST KIND OF BEHAVIOR is how they behave with their own flesh and blood.

This is truth!

https://nvsyndrome.quora.com/What-is-it-that-narcissists-dont-want-you-to-know

[tellomon]

Is there such a thing as a former narcissist?

You might see the term in an obituary, like:

Earl T. Dingleberry, 81, of Jizzcycle, MI, a formerly living narcissist and absent father who is survived by his three children, Buck, Freida, and Kitty, as well as his shell of her former self wife Deborah…

But while they are alive, once a narcissist, always a narcissist, kinda like how sober people in AA still refer to themselves as alcoholics.

Narcissists get worse with age.

Way worse.

I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage that it’s easier to fool someone than to convince someone that they’ve been fooled, and as such, people tend to double down on their misguided beliefs as a way to avoid coming to terms with that. Well, the same idea applies to people who have been kidding themselves all their lives.

If a person refuses to take any accountability whatsoever for their actions at age 40, why on Earth would anyone think they’d start at age 81, when by that point they’ve accumulated twice as many things to be ashamed of?

They wouldn’t, and they don’t.

They die as narcissistic as they’d lived.

And with their passing, they leave in their wake a dysfunctional family full of generational trauma.

Poor Deborah will be lost, having no idea how to reconcile her learned helplessness that her husband instilled in her, and will live out her final days full of mostly regret. Not knowing what to do with herself without having someone’s abusive behavior to enable, she may adopt a cat who is really mean to everyone but her to fill the void. She may also start cutting or engaging in risky anonymous sex, but at age 79, she’ll probably just go the mean cat route.

Buck will carry the torch for Earl and narcissistically abuse his own wife and children, ensuring that the Dingleberry name is synonymous with dysfunction.

Freida, a lesbian schizoid and prescription painkiller addict, is too afraid and ashamed to seek human companionship, so she is content barely leaving the safety of her home, and occasionally scissors the giant, life-size Minnie Mouse stuffed animal she ordered from Amazon.

And Kitty, poor Kitty, already with 5 kids of her own to a narcissist who gets off on humiliating her, will eventually divorce him for a sociopath who will molest two of her kids, and beat her to death.

You see? Narcissism is a never-ending cycle of trauma that is passed down to each generation. If you don’t end up a narcissist and pass down the trauma yourself, then you either couple up with a narcissist who will, or you end up with some other form of dysfunction that will ensure your eventual demise.

Nothing stops that freight train.

You either get on, or you’re dragged on, and then tossed off while it’s moving full speed.

Former narcissist? Please.
__________________________________

They are embarrassing. They finally realized that normal people actually smile even if there is no other reason than being friendly to a taxi driver. So, these narcs realize how likeable truly kind people are and they start walking around with this pathetic constant fake smile on their face.

Bit like the grumpy rabbit who has no friends in a children‘s Book I used to read to my kids: the grumpy rabbit would go to his neighbor (the hedgehog) put a carrot under the hedgehog‘s nose and say: here‘s a carrot, now be my friend‘!
__________________________________

No, but there are self-aware narcissists who have a handle on their condition, understand narcissism’s impact on others, and are willing to work towards improving their lives and the lives of those around them.
_________________________________

NO! Unless he/she only has traits of narcissism and not the full Personality Disorder. The person must be willing to go to therapy and can handle the vulnerability of being open and explore why he or she is acting narcissistic.

People with true Narcissistic Personality Disorder are so full of shame and damaged from childhood that they cannot go there in therapy. It is way too painful and shameful to relive their childhood pain. They were five to eight years old when their parents abandoned or smothered them.

That’s why they act like that! They will leave therapy when it gets deep and emotional. Or blame others for their actions. It’s a very sad and incurable Disorder. Therapists/ Drs really don’t encounter too many Narcs because they run before they can help them. So we have to deal with their horrible abuse! Ughhh
___________________________________

Dr. Sam Vaknin is an accomplished writer who also has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Other esteemed and/or high functioning people have come forward as having these traits. They don’t appear to have changed their personalities completely. Rather, they seem to have an awareness of the condition that they have channeled into more positive aspects.

It’s highly unusual for anyone to initiate and undertake this level of introspection and self assessment, never mind someone with a personality disorder. After all, a shark doesn’t question why he’s a shark. At this level, they may have taken the test out of curiosity, or because they feel that something is fundamentally wrong or missing.

Like most people, those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are quite fine with who they are, thank you very much. It’s the rest of the world who has a problem, because they are gullible and stupid.

Most “recovering” NDP’s are doing so because they are in trouble. The point being that they did not initiate the change themselves. They can say that they went to anger management, AA, and the psychiatrist to appease others, often with considerable noise and resentment, but they don’t change. They will use this as a tool to wear down the skepticism of spouses, employers, and others by proclaiming “Hey! I’ve changed!” followed closely by entitlement.

A shark will always be a shark. It was born to be a predator. With self awareness, it is possible to redirect the more positive aspects into something constructive. Vaknin writes extensively on the topic including first hand experience, educating others. Other self aware NPD’s may temper themselves; this is more likely to occur into maturity. However it is prudent to be skeptical. Time will tell.

https://thenarcissisticlife.quora.com/Is-there-such-a-thing-as-a-former-narcissist

[tellomon]

What is the typical day like with a narcissist?

Early in the “relationship”, they are attentive and can be fun.

As time goes on, and they know/think they’ve got you…they begin to diminish you. Not only will they be snide and sneering much of the time. MOST of the time, they simply ignore you. They will ogle others, compare you to others, and treat you with less and less consideration.

So it can take a few months or some years to get the full gist of who/what they are. BUT ultimately you become non-existent to them, while they are out collecting more supply. so I agree w/those who say it is “lonely”. But it is worse than that - bc they led you to believe, so see, that it could be so much more - b/c you are ‘in a relationship’ all by yourself. There is a deeper emptiness and sadness, than just feeling lonely.
__________________________________

In a word? Lonely.

At least this was the way I experienced it. You wake up with another person in the house and go about your morning ritual of showering, clothing yourself, and having the first cup of coffee. Although you’re not alone, technically speaking, you feel alone. Because there is no true emotional intimacy, you are your sole caretaker. One must be fiercely and ridiculously independent and self-reliant. Or alternately: malleable and extremely dim.

Conversation floats at the surface. That is safe. As an introvert with a hefty disdain for parlor talk, it was often painful to engage. But you have learned rather quickly that taking communication to unplumbed depths leads to quizzical glances and what feels like contempt. Whatever plagues you—problems at work, problems with an ailing parent, problems with your health—is not to be brought to the table and discussed. You cannot be perceived as remotely problematic.

Communication is really challenging. Scratch that, there is no communication; you’re talking at each other. When talking with a narcissist, you must say what they want to hear. You figure this out via trial and error. So there’s no spontaneity, because you have to be one step ahead of them, always contemplating how to respond in a way that makes them feel validated.

It’s a lot like playing chess, because you have to anticipate what they’ll say next, and how you’ll respond to that and so on. Pointing out that what they said was hurtful, astonishing, or outre or offering constructive feedback is not a good idea, as in ever.

You already know that you’re going to do what they want to do. They set the agenda. “Today, let’s do something that you enjoy” isn’t in a narcissist’s lexicon. If you’re highly flexible, your interests catholic, and you don’t have to have things your way never-ever, this might not pose a huge inconvenience.

But it is something that you have noticed over time: everything revolves around their likes and dislikes. They pick the restaurant. Even if you like the restaurant and would have picked the same one, the niggling problem is … they got to choose it, not you. They choose where you go and what you do together.

You know those folks who take their dogs everywhere? That’s what you feel like—a devoted pet, carted around just for company. Not a human being with complex thoughts and feelings.

Okay, to be fair: every now and then, you do get to choose the joint activity. When this happens, you approach it with a strong dose of skepticism; what does your partner want—? Something, that’s for sure. Or maybe not … are they secretly resentful, making mental hash marks to use against you later? The answer to this is: yes, they are.

For me, the typical day usually involved a temporary escape—going out for a “walk” or running errands so I could meet a friend. Sometimes I’d drive my car around the block, park it, and make phone calls. This was particularly true when I was going through a challenging time and needed a trustworthy sounding board.

But, I also needed to connect with someone with whom I could just be myself and not who my now-ex wanted me to be. Some call this “walking on eggshells”. It went deeper than that for me, as I found myself quashing my innate personality and aping the room-temperature/milquetoast persona that he found appealing: reserved, without strong opinions, and emotionally contained—but at the same time pleasant.

So incredibly f**king pleasant, like one of those creepy robotic dolls that blinks and talks in a Siri voice. A construct. Oh, and also pretty. That was the only way I’d get a compliment.

You wake up and put on your poker face. You cannot display any weakness, vulnerability, imperfections, or physical discomfort. You cannot express negative feelings or say anything that could remotely be construed as criticism. Believe me, someone with NPD can find hidden meaning in the most innocent remarks (hence the need for parlor talk). You can’t be yourself. You are like Star Trek’s Enterprise entering Klingon space: shields are up.

Each very mundane but highly-structured day, you wonder if this is going to be the day you finally crack.

That’s what makes the typical day with a narcissist really lonely.
____________________________

No day is typical, they all run a blur.

But this hasn't always been the case.

I used to smile, he used to love me. I was his everything as he was mine. We were the couple that everyone wanted to be. We were that love song that made your heart skip a beat. He was my forever. Was.

Now twelve years later at the age of forty-seven the fog is lifting and this is how ‘ my ‘ typical day goes;

I wake up in my bedroom at the far end of the house and rush to the bathroom to wet my face and pray that my eyes aren't as swollen as they feel. They are. I cry so much these days that swollen is really the new norm for me.

I hurry up back to my room because I know he'll be stopping in to say goodbye and he loves me before leaving. I don't want to appear anxious or sleep deprived from crying all night yet again .

As he leaves for the day he says ‘ I'll call you this afternoon ‘ , maybe we can go have a beer? Ok maybe I say, just give me a call. He leaves, everything is perfect. In his eyes anyways. It's all I can do now to keep my composure long enough for him to get out of the driveway before I fall apart again. He leaves, I crumble.

The phone rings sometimes later it's a friend or my mom or somebody so I quickly regain my composure ( or so I think) and cheerfully answer the phone and go into ‘ old me ‘ mode . Happy go lucky, life is grand kinda thing. I don't fake emotions well at all so ‘ my ‘ act is just that an act.

You see, this man, my love , my forever has just this year been unmasked for the narcissist that he is. So my days are tougher now then they have been for the past several years. For the past several years I've hated him and his self absorbed, self centered , egotistical all about me self. And was ok with that, because I was giving what he gave. Or so I convinced myself.

I mean who really says they love you and yet stays in a separate room at the other end of the house for six years? Won't have sex with you because you ‘ me ‘ are giving it freely to everyone who has one in their pants, and even some that wear the same type pants I do. All the while he sits in his favorite bar eight hours out of every day.

I of course work daily and then come home to tend to my daughter and all the animals we have, cook dinner and wait. Wait to see who is coming home tonight. Jekyll or Hide. Either one it doesn't really matter because they both create anxiety upon walking in the door.

So now, after twelve years of complete confusion, smothered in lavish gifts , continuous denial , all the ‘ what the hell ‘ days and nights ,eggshell walking and the constant defending of my character I find myself broken. Broken for what? The fact that I was to blind to see? Broken because I didn't leave years ago, or broken because of the reality of who and what he really is ?

Or broken because my heart is so big and the reality and knowing that what once was so amazing and my dream come true never actually existed. That what I experienced was possibly not even real. Broken doesn't even come close to what a day in my life with my narcissist is like. It's a torture unlike the other phases of hell.

Almost like a scripted book my story is that of everyone else who has awakened to the fact that they are in a love with a narcissist, a character who doesn't even exist. Or do they? Was none of it even real?

Surly it was. You can't fake a love like ours . Or can you? Was I sleep walking for twelve years? No , no he did all of those hateful hurtful things to me because he loves me. Why am I thinking like this, I'm the only one he's ever loved. I am his true love. His forever.

Until.. the fog started lifting. Until I started testing him. Until he couldn't even give me a generic definition of what loving me ( or anyone for that matter) felt like. He was for the first time ever speechless. Confused, and drawing blanks for everything I was throwing his way. And I was throwing simple easily answered basic fifth grade stuff.

Then my eyes started to open to what they refused to see for so many years. I was a stranger to his heart. His words said that I was his everything, his soul mate, his forever love. His eyes said nothing. How had I never seen his eyes? How had I missed so much. He was now a complete stranger . How did this happen? I need to see a doctor, this isn't really happening.

So my answer to what is a typical day with a narcissist like is this: it is the most gut wrenching agonizing pain ever . It makes the devaluation stage look like a walk in the park . My reality is that of a fairy tale, because of course fairy tales aren't real. As my past twelve years haven't been either.

This is the how my days are now that my narcissist has been unmasked. I wish this on no one. it literally has shaken me to the core and has me questioning my own sense of reality, I mean who was really living in a self made fantasy land? Him or me. How did I not see?

Today I read my exact story over and over again only in someone else's words. It's scary to see it play out so vividly, and not just be someone else's story. It's mine. And mine is like all the others, heartbreaking. Surely I will wake up and this nightmare will be just that. A nightmare.

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/What-is-the-typical-day-like-with-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

What are narcissists
discarding behaviors?

It’s cruel and it happens suddenly, it goes from 20–30 text a day to “why do I have to text you every day?

They have someone else suddenly in their lives, either a new source or an old one. They will make sure you know this person is around, by posting pics of them on social media or sending you a text of a pic with them. This is all part of the game. If you ask them about it they will deny it, they will turn it against you by making it sound as if you were being possessive or jealous.

They get distant quickly and make excuses to not show up at something the two of you planned for weeks. If you ask what’s going on they will say, “nothing what are you talking about?” If you mention that they changed they will say,”nothing has changed”. They will try to give you just enough attention to keep you hanging on. After all someday, you may be needed as a source again.

You will be confused, wondering, “am I being possessive?”, “am I imagining something is wrong”. You know in your heart something is not right, but he/she has convinced you it’s all in your head (gaslighting).

Suddenly, cruelly, they are gone and you’re left wondering what happened, doubting yourself. In reality they were not getting the fuel out of you they once did and see the new/old person as better fuel, for now.

Remember to a narc you are an object for their use, once they are bored of you they go to a new source or one they used in the past. But like a bad cold they will come back.

Please my friend, don’t fall for it. They did this once to you and they will do it again and again. If you want to get rid of them, call them out, then go NO CONTACT!!! Nada nothing.

Trust me they will destroy you if you let them.
_________________________________

Narcissistic discarding behaviors refer to the actions a narcissist may take when they decide to end a relationship or emotionally detach from someone. These behaviors can be hurtful and confusing for the person on the receiving end. Here are some common discarding behaviors exhibited by narcissists:

Sudden Withdrawal: Narcissists may abruptly cut off contact without explanation, leaving the other person feeling abandoned and confused.

Devaluation: Before discarding someone, a narcissist often engages in devaluation, where they criticize, belittle, or undermine the other person’s self-worth, making it easier to justify the discard.

Silent Treatment: They may employ the silent treatment as a form of punishment, ignoring the other person to exert control and manipulate emotions.

Blame Shifting: Narcissists might blame the other person for the issues in the relationship, refusing to take responsibility for their own actions.

Gaslighting: They may distort reality or deny events to make the other person doubt their perceptions and feelings, further destabilizing them before the discard.

Reinforcing Their Superiority: Narcissists often remind their partners of their perceived flaws or inadequacies, reinforcing the idea that they are unworthy of love or respect.

Hoovering: After discarding someone, a narcissist might attempt to re-establish contact (hoovering) to draw the person back into the relationship, often using charm or manipulation.

Replacement: Narcissists frequently move on quickly to a new partner, sometimes while still in the process of discarding the previous one, demonstrating a lack of empathy.

Public Disparagement: They may disparage the discarded person publicly or share private information to damage the other person’s reputation.

Emotional Coldness: A marked lack of empathy or emotional support during the discard phase can leave the other person feeling isolated and invalidated and abandoned.

Understanding these behaviors can help individuals recognize the dynamics of their relationships with narcissists and protect themselves from further emotional harm.
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They’ll ignore you or be very dismissive when you talk to them about a certain topic. Or even any topic. You’ll feel as if you are walking on egg shells and you are afraid to crack or break one of them as you “Walk” extremely cautiously through them like land mines.

Now these are not actual land mines or egg shells these are emotionally abusive behaviours from the narcissists part towards you. Making you feel very afraid to say something that might set them off into a rage or anger. Not a very pleasant way to interact with anyone.

They might try to embarrass you in front of others they wish to impress. But when and if they Discard you You Rejoice greatly for being Emancipated from an abusive and controlling relationship that is very toxic in the long run for you. Rejoice that you are FREE. I know you will be confused since you are Human and you feel an emotional attachment to your abuser.

That is what is called The Stockholm Syndrome.I hope you read about it and get yourself informed and fast. I’m not an expert yet…But I suggest you read and learn more from others who will know more than me. But beware of those who will answer your questions with the driving force of rage and anger and hatred towards the narcissists.

Uncontrolled rage and hatred will do nothing to help you sort out the toxic behaviours of narcissists who themselves are mentally ill. If you read a answer that seems to only fuel your rage and tries to “make drama and rage” I would suggest you don’t bother to read.If it is not fueled by Scientific logic and proper reasoning it Will Not Help you.

It ‘s like in a class room when a child throws a piece of paper to another and the class instigates the child by saying OHHHHHH!!! So the child is compelled by their own ego to react with violence and vengeance. Not helpful for anyone.

Peace and remember…Use you intelligence instead of your emotions. Emotions will help you detect what is negative. But it will not be useful for proceeding properly with the proper actions to take while being driven with rage. Peace to you.
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Distance from anything and everything that you are interested in/working on, or into, despite a previous “interest” in the subject, regardless of whether or not there’s a mutual benefit to the relationship, or even themselves.

Emotionally distant, this is really the norm anyway but less volatile, more aloof. I found more use of online games, more than usual. They’re minds are not wanting any of your essence entering they’re shutting you out.

Of course, that’s unless they’re triggered then expect an amplified more contemptuous version of their ego fortifications, but this time they’ve reinforced the army of the deluded.

Bigger hand grenades are thrown into conversations with a sole intent to hurt, More accurate snipers shoot to kill…

“It’s done you sh!t, I’m running away now. You now know me and I see no use for you because I completely understand how I’ve manipulated you and used you and now I’m in danger of facing up to myself and that ain’t ever happening regardless of what, if I could be aware, it is that I’m actually running from…Here you go, I’m me now so expect regular betrayal, total disrespect and all defences primed…I really need my secondary sources now, so I’ve ramped up my smearing of you to my work colleagues and friends while assassinating your character with my family whom you’ve known for 18 years and have never done anything to wrong any of them in that time, now they’re all thinking your on the verge of a breakdown. Except I know that to be completely untrue but I don’t like to see you’re dealing with my deceit in a positive manner, your seriously weak how happy you are is just disgusting, how can anyone reject me. Please play my games again”.

It’s so crazy, almost too surreal to contemplate.

So easy to rectify, such an obvious way to improve things, these are preventing you giving your unconditional love and the relationship growing. But their inability to genuinely compromise and their perception of themselves being even slightly at fault and not accepting responsibility for anything, infuriatingly hamper the narcs ability to offer any meaningful resolution or closure whatsoever.

Awareness was my salvation, understanding that the controlling behaviour was becoming easier to predict and the steering of any dialogue between us, by her was absolutely as expected, continual manipulation. If you ask yourself “What’s in it for me?” before any input from them you gain insight into their true intentions, regardless of what it is they want.

My discard ends in 2 days, she’s moving out, I’ve been healing for the last 3 months, since the fog began to lift. When you see their true self in it’s most self absorbed glory that’s when you know you’re done, blatantly displaying all of their muddled thinking, full blown, unadulterated narc mode… blaming you for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING!

An experience so un imaginable that’s it’s actually happening to you, completely born of the dark.

They’re attracted to light and work to gradually snuff it out but we can find our light again and burn brighter because of the knowledge we’ve attained. The truth is constant, the narcs never are.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-narcissists-discarding-behaviors

[tellomon]

How The Narcissist Gets Away
With Abusing People And Come Off As A Good Person

I think you’ve been there before. You learned everything about the narcissist, you know who the narcissist is, but the thing with narcissists is they have “lucky charms” that work for them and carry their dirty laundry while making sure no one sees that the king is naked. So, it is very hard to live in a world that seems to be created to breed and serve these cheaters and manipulators.

These chameleons have multiple faces that they proudly display to others and each face is more deceitful than the previous. They can talk and engage with any social group and be liked by everyone. However, there is a catch – they usually have one target they have in mind and that is a person who has qualities of compassion, integrity, and empathy. Why? Because the narcissist envies anyone who is better than them and in their mind, they become a threat that needs to be eliminated. The narcissist feels they must dim their light fast.

Sadly, the target will become enlightened to the true self of the narcissist, they will see behind their mask but they will not be able to do anything because they are so deep in the connection with them. This form of abuse happens in all kinds of relationships from romantic and family to work ones. It takes place in any situation where the narcissist is able to abuse and manipulate another human being.

So, how the narcissist is able to get away with all the manipulation and still be seen as a good person?

The narcissists are very skillful at managing the ways how other people see them. They can praise their ‘victims’ when they are with them in public, but demean them and criticize them behind closed doors. The narcissist has the ability to provoke others into reacting emotionally which will make them look unstable. That’s how the narcissist covertly abuses their victims – by making them look like they are the abusers and not the victims.

Whenever they get in contact with someone new, the narcissist is immediately labeling them as someone who may be useful to them and a threat or if not, they don’t bother with them. Those people who get labeled as a threat whether because of their education, talents, success, competence, or other qualities that are important to the narcissist, will first get praised and adored by the narcissist before getting utterly devalued and discarded.

The narcissist will build a mighty pedestal for their victim in order to stage their destruction. They will first idealize their victim, but they will later keep them off-balance by not letting them know where they stand in the narcissist’s life. That’s how the narcissist inflicts pain and doubt into their heart. Therefore, the chosen victim will get devalued and idealized at the same time together with the other victims of the narcissist until getting kicked off from the pedestal for calling the narcissist out on their sh!t.

In the narcissist’s labyrinth of manipulation, mind-games, and lies the only winner is the narcissist and the victims who are actually able to leave the narcissist and move on with their life.

Moreover, narcissists have something in them that makes people trust them. Whether it is their handsome appearance, their charm, their intellect, or something else, there is just something in them that is mesmerizing to others. This is called a “halo effect” in psychology which is a tendency for people to take one good trait (for instance: “They are so charming”) and then attribute it to the rest of their personality (They must be a smart and good person too!).

And because the narcissist spends their whole life designing a very alluring but false image about themselves, in front of other people they appear to be very caring, warm, and kind. They drive people in with their false trustworthiness and supposed but nonexistent integrity. They carefully choose their victims to be ones who have not yet seen their true self or are willing to disregard all the red flags.

If, however, the narcissist feels they are in trouble of being exposed, they will defend themselves claiming the victims are the problem because they want to cause problems without a reason.

And the reason why we are not equipped to deal with these manipulators is that when someone treats us badly and abuses us in some way, we tend to project our own sense of empathy and morality towards them and convince ourselves that deep inside they are a good person.

That’s why it is so important to validate our inner voices and speak up. If you are a survivor as well, then we should all raise our voices and spread awareness to confront these abusers. That’s how revolutions begin.

We are all in this together and we can stop this madness.

https://thedarkworldofnarcissistbysevinc.quora.com/How-The-Narcissist-Gets-Away-With-Abusing-People-And-Come-Off-As-A-Good-Person