Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

Page 24

What kinds of things did the narcissist do that showed their true colors?

Narcissist Rage. Disagree or have more knowledge on a topic for something that you've heard a narx philosophical view point on and you'll see their true colors, real quick. They know it all and you don't know shite!!!

Refuse to let a narkturd cross one of your boundaries. It will shock the living Hell out of you how they act. It is unbelievable, ridiculously over the top and over nothing!!! You'd think that you killed their kin or some sh!t, or poisoned the family pet.

They go into rages over what? I really never knew until the next day and it never made much sense, it was mostly just dramatic bullshit, maybe jealousy but it just didn't add up. The punishment didn't fit the crime, so to speak but whatever it was, it was ALWAYS my fault.

Abused our dog and ended up threatening to kill him, if I didn't stop trying to explain my side of the story. (Wasn't allowed to stand up for myself)

Silent treatments galore, which after a while, wasn't punishment at all.

He couldn’t understand how to put his narkturd self in my shoes, ever, not even in “troll dummy terms.” The simple shite that a 3 year old child could sympathize with and fully understand after you explained it to them… he acted like he didn't get it, because they are weak, and refuse to take accountability for their bullshit behavior.

It's like you’re dealing with a bratty ass little kid, who's playing dumb with you, but being a complete smartass about it but it's a grown ass person, so you want to ask this mofo, “are you that stubborn, or just stupid?” I mean, “is it that , you can't see the forest thru the trees or are you Forest Gump?”

You can't do ANYTHING but walk away shaking you're head. You will never feel content. They are bat sh!t F*cking crazy, relentless, passive aggressive, jackasses and when they get bored, they have to start shite, they have to bully someone, and after that, they wanna act like, you’re the one who's the anatomical conundrum. It's beyond draining, you get so discombobulated, you walk away and leave your soul behind.

They are “Attention Whores”, like there’s no tomorrow. “Look at me, look at me, watch this!!” Hey! Hi! I am the NarKing, I live on Planet, “I, myself, me, my", where monkeys fly, no one is allowed to talk unless it's me or about me and people are puppets. (puke)

Bye Troll!!! xoxo xoxo xoxo
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The vulgarity and evilness that oozes from their mouths 👅 and mocking the misfortune of others, not just that but the fact that the compassion for anyone or anything is completely lacking.

Wickedness at its best!
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If you are reading this then you have certainly gone through this ..you will be familiar with the fact that one day you are cock of the walk and the next day you are a feather duster.

You are atop the pedestal and in a flash, you have been thrown from it and you are lying in the dust as they stand over you berating you.

The sudden switch from hero to zero, from princess/prince to pauper, from “good person” to “bad person” is perhaps the most confusing, bewildering and upsetting part of Narcissist’s behavior. But that’s how they show their true colours.

Victims cannot comprehend why they were being feted as the love of our life on Monday and then by Tuesday they are the devil incarnate.

You were groomed, lied to, used, conditioned, triangulated manipulated, controlled, gaslighted, love bombed, devalued, discarded, smeared, emotionally abused and brainwashed by a sociopathic animal .

That sh!t Changes You …Forever …. Forever !

You are unlikely to accept it, the emotional hold of the seduction and the golden period prevents acceptance of this sudden fall from grace for a very long time.

Remember a normal person can't just turn love off - but a narcissist can turn it off as easily as they turned it on because showing love is a tool they use to manipulate and fool people !
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Words used to devalue are real nasty.

Lack of empathy shows although this may confuse you when they want to love bomb you.

Isolation attempts. Smearing family members deliberately so that I may look at my family differently.

Raging over stupid things. This was really traumatic for me. Today I cannot stand anyone screaming. I just disappear.

You need help. A narcissist just looks away. I hurt my knee seriously and still needed to care for two toddlers. He played deaf and still left me on my own. Of course my knee swelled up more and more.

Silent treatment. When he had no quick reply to explain his behavior, he would serve me silence. Or perhaps love bombing someone.

He was renting another apartment. The first time the utility bill came to my home, I thought that the utility company made a genuine mistake. The second time aroused my suspicion. Yes he tried to fool me. So I am working real hard to pay independent school fees and Mr entitlement wasting it for his many escapades.

I did have a gut feeling that he was cheating. He was real good at hiding. I tried to expose this but never found evidence. But I know that this was definitely happening.

High expectations. The minute he is parking his car should automatically mean that should be the minute food is ready to be served.

Five minutes late from work means I will be called loads of names.

The kids achieve something. All his credit. The kids on bad behavior. All my fault.

Calling me a bad mother because I work, yet he takes pleasure in spending what I earn.
 
Hypocrite!

Control - wanting me to stop working yet cannot give me from where the money is coming from to keep my sons in an independent school. Reality was he wanted me financially dependent on him. Please never depend financially on a narcissist. That will be your demise.

Seeking to make me jealous when in the company of other females. By the time I had my sons, I stopped caring altogether. You just get tired.

Refusing to do anything as a family. I bet many thought I was divorced a long time before.

Zero self control. This was scary stuff. You realize that this person is not able to control his anger.

So many lies and gaslighting. You catch him and he spins more lies with a straight face.

Guilt tripping. Criticizing me that the house is not spotless clean and yet he does nothing to help. But I have to manage two kids, the home and my work. Super woman!

Obligations. One tiny little chore he does means that he has built the Great wall of China for you.

Lazy. Loads of crappy talk but doing one big nothing. I think they fear the future as they are cowards deep down.

Bullying. Too many episodes.

He is sick. Life stops for everyone and we are all slaves. I get sick. Who cares?

Ugly memories and thank God I exited this horrible marriage. There is no way I would have escaped chronic illness or insanity had I stayed in this situation.

https://www.quora.com/What-kinds-of-things-did-the-narcissist-do-that-showed-their-true-colors

[tellomon]

Why do most narcissists
almost never say
"I Love You"?

Words are cheap, even cheaper and f*cking rubbish when coming out of narcissist’s ugly mouth.

Narcissist says whatever it takes to lure you in, foremost it means flattering language.

Narcissist says what you want to hear.

It’s easier to control you when you are manipulated.

Narcissist is selling you false hope, future or whatever the situation might be, or narc’s hidden motive.

Narcissist believes his own thoughts but he/she knows he/she is f*cking liar.

Narcissist purpose is to convince you - what matters to narcissist is that you believe
whether it’s true or not (and it’s not, narc lies as his dayjob).

Narcissist loves talking, blaa blaa blaa.

When narcissist says he/she loves you, it means he/she loves to USE you. Period.
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Saying 'I love you' throws you off guard.

It would NEVER occur to you that a person who 'loves' you would be capable of doing the things they do TO you. Usually when a narcissist says 'I love you' one of these things HAS happened or is GOING to happen.

1. You DID something for them or they are GOING to ask you TO DO something for them.

2. They have done something TO YOU or they are GOING to do something TO YOU that in no way shows 'love' for you.

3. They have either TOLD or going to TELL some other person that they have NO 'love' for you.

4. They have either acted out or are GOING TO act out in front of people as if 'love' is the last thing they have for you.

5. You did or said something that made THEM 'look good' in front of others or they are GOING TO ask or demand that you do or say something that makes THEM 'look good' in front of others. Often at the expense of you NOT 'looking good' in front of others.

A narcissist saying 'I love you' is usually either a manipulation get you to do MORE FOR THEM, a 'reward' to get you to continue DOING what you do FOR THEM, or a smoke screen to keep you from seeing what they are DOING TO YOU.

HESITATE to give a 'proper' reaction when a narcissist says 'I love you' or treat the narcissist EXACTLY the way the narcissist treats you and see how many times you hear 'I love you' from a narcissist. Withdrawing or withholding 'love' is a narcissists favorite punishment for what you DID or DID NOT DO that was of no benefit TO THEM.
They don't seem to be capable of 'loving' another person, but they are great at showing 'love' for what that person DID, is DOING, or CAN DO FOR THEM.

'Love' for what the person 'did' for them is all in the past. 'Love' for what the person 'is doing' for them is all in the moment. 'Love' for what the person 'can do' for them is the elusive and ever moving carrot on a stick that is supposed to keep the person DOING FOR THEM.

There is no doubt that a narcissist can 'love' what you did, are doing, or 'can do' FOR THEM, they just can't 'love' YOU for doing it. That would give 'YOU" too much significance instead of the significance being on the 'what' you did, are doing, or can do FOR THEM. It often seems like a narcissist is trying to brainwash you into thinking that you 'owe' them your eternal and totally unconditional 'love' because they are 'letting you' DO FOR THEM.

In return, they 'give' you 'love' that is totally conditional on what you are doing FOR THEM at that MOMENT.

They seem to 'love' the 'what' they want from a person and hate the who for HAVING the 'what' they would 'love' to HAVE for themselves. Now ain't that some confusing sh!t about 'love'.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-most-narcissists-almost-never-say-I-Love-You

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

What happens if you cause a narcissist injury?

You can expect a few of the following scenarios;

They will “ice you out”, become cold, emotionally removed and unreachable. Their behaviors are justified, as anything that happens to them leaves them feeling highly insulted.

They makes the rules up as they go along and don't hold themselves to the high expectations they place on others.

In extreme cases, they can become dangerous, violent and threatening. This by far, can be the most frightening outcome, as the emotional detachment, paired with the perceived “injury”, which is often blown way out of proportion leaves all logic and rational thinking out the window.

Prepare for the mind f*** of a lifetime (pardon the f* bomb, there's no other way to describe it). They will create some serious crazy making and exaggerate what happened. Mole hills to mountains is an understatement. Rest assured this will follow you for a long time coming.

Remember the world according to a narcissist turn around them. They justify their actions sometimes putting what sounds like a philosophical/self aware twist on it; calling it cause and effect, boundaries, karma and consequences of actions. It's all about controlling their environment, being right and fluctuating between extremes.

You are at their mercy, and if you wrong them you'll pay dearly.
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You become ALL BAD.

Very BAD.

Very very very BAD.

You have betrayed narcy ! you have threatened and punctured his all-consuming warped sense of entitlement.

Therefore, you deserve to be taught a lesson and severely punished by narcy.

Paranoid, fragile narcy now hates you, hates the words coming out of yr mouth, hates the ground you walk on & the air you breathe and the space you occupy.

You have triggered narcy’s rage.

Cold-hearted, unrepentant, vindictive toxic rage.

Expect to be emotionally & psychologically tortured, mentally tormented, slandered, sabotaged and discarded in the most insulting & shocking ways.

But, surprisingly (and this is the good part), all of that really has nothing to do with you.

It has everything to do with the narc’s personality disorder.

What you are witnessing after the narc “injury” is the disorder in action.

The so-called “injury” is simply the narc’s distorting & over-reacting to something most ppl wouldn’t bat an eye at.

But narcy will try to blame you.

Don’t fall for it !

Get out your little eensy violin and play some weepy tunes for the pathetic loser.

Then toss your head back and laugh, as you exit & depart forever.
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The narcissistic injury is like beating a hornet’s nest with a stick. Run for cover, no matter how crazy his reaction was, and NEVER go back.

I have answered too many questions like this. A narcissist is an insane person trying to pass for normal. There is nothing you can do to change his ways. Nothing. His brain lacks certain circuitry that you use in your life without being aware of it.

His reactions are knee-jerk reactions. He cannot help himself. He is mentally ill. Leave him alone. One day, years from now, he might question his very existence. He might even seek help.

That motivation needs to come from him. As long as you defend yourself, no matter how much truth is on your side, you will always lose and you will hate yourself for having tried. He is much more f*cked up inside than you can imagine. You cannot experience how he sees the world. Don’t try. Patience and compassion will not make a dent in him.

Leave, learn, and live.
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They sulk. Oh boy, do they sook and whine. They are miserable, and misery loves company. If they're hurt, then you will be too - they'll make sure of it.

They might try to blame someone else for their pain. They won't take any responsibility for their own role in whatever got them hurt. They want someone else to fix it, and they'll keep whining till they get their way.
______________________________

They are more likely to ‘punish’ you and then perhaps hoover. The detrimental affects on you will be harsh. Hoovering is probably the last thing to enter your head. They will react very very badly to any insult or injury you have dished out. They may go rogue to start with, but be very cautious and careful. I say this not to scare you but you need to be aware that there are usually consequences for anything you have done to them.
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In my opinion and in my own experience, a narcissist's reaction to narcissistic injury is, typically, rage (please note that rage can be either very clear to see or silent. Silent rage is still rage.), dysphoria (seemingly low and depressed) followed by inevitable revenge.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-if-you-cause-a-narcissist-injury

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_injury#:~:text=In%20psychology%2C%20narcissistic%20injury%2C%20also,their%20pride%20and%20self%2Dworth.

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists target you?

Because you have something they want.

Because they just Target you to destroy you because they don't like something about you.

Because they want to watch you fall from grace and realize it's because of them.

Because they want to be the reason why you want to end your life (no joke).

Because they want you to make them look good. And then they love it when you start to feel bad, have anxiety, have depression they love it as your body slowly falls apart and away from itself.

Because you have money, a nice car, a nice place to live. They want to take advantage of this situation 100% and steal everything away from you.

Because you're completely high status. They want to bring you down from that status and make you feel horrible.

Because you keep talking to them and give them lots of narcissistic supply by agreeing with everything they say.

Because you're highly empathetic.

Because they want to use you sexually.

It's all about using someone and then discarding them in the trash when they are done with you.

The reason they Hoover is they want to finish the job destroying you.

Instead let's all have a nice day by leaving all narcissists in the dust and get a cup of coffee together. Good day.
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Because you know too much- all their dirty little secrets, their lies, their sickness. You will be deemed the crazy ex just like the partners before you. The next SO will find out eventually, unless they keep their head in the sand and look the other way.
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Narcissists are able to attach to you, but only negatively. They cannot love you, but they can definitely hate you.

Narcissists stalk you because they're envious of you.

They cannot have what you have, for you have happiness. They cannot feel happiness, it is alien to them. Instead they feel triumph, dominance, victory, superiority.

Your happiness enrages the narcissist. They see how it sustains you, protects you from hardship, draws others to you.

They cannot have it, because it comes from hardship, gratitude, humility — and these they will never yield to. They want it, but they refuse to work for it.

As they cannot have it, they must destroy you, they must triumph over you, taste victory, dominate you, crush you.

The narcissist stalks you to irritate you, disrupt you, they harass you to steal your happiness.

Allow them to irritate you, don't fight it. Take the energy and do something that will make you happy once you have completed it — it's a powerful fuel, if you can endure the initial discomfort.

Let them watch your success

let them eat their heart out,

for now you have two things they do not:

Happiness

and the ability to make happiness from sadness,
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The narcissist did not pick you at random. You were not chosen by chance. They followed a system. They followed a plan. It was a conscious decision. They singled you out. They purposefully selected you as the object of their attention.

Many victims believe that narcissists target weak people. They believe narcissists go after people who are not strong enough to withstand pressure. But that's not completely true. They target people who are easy to manipulate. But they also want their targets to be strong.

Narcissists target people based on superficial things. They pick people who are physically attractive. They pick people who are powerful, successful and important. Because they know they're going to get a lot of supply from tearing someone like that down. They're not going to get much out of tearing a person down who isn't that attractive. And doesn't have any money or success. Because then there's nothing for them to sabotage or destroy. There's nothing to fuel them to take down that type of person. Because they're already down on their luck.

Which is why there must be something on the surface that attracted the narcissist to you. And once they've gained access to your life, the progress they make depends on your boundaries. If you have weak boundaries, they're going to deceive you. And they're going to take you down. Regardless of what position you have in life. It doesn't matter if you're a doctor or a lawyer. It doesn't matter if you're a war veteran. If you don't have boundaries, they will take advantage of you.

They target people who have recently left a relationship. They target people who are going through a difficult time. Because then it makes you more susceptible to the abuse. You're more willing to tolerate it. And then they will change you at a core level. By the end of the relationship, you will be a completely different person. Because they strip you of everything that makes you who you are. They strip you of your indispensable qualities. But it's not because you were weak.

They target strong people who are in a vulnerable state. And then they exploit them while they're in that state. While they're still able to take advantage of them. But the narcissist will not let you blame them. Because they see it as though you gave them the opportunity.
You let them do it.
You let it happen.
You made it a possibility.

In their minds, you didn't have to tolerate it. You didn't have to stay with them. They see it as though you ruined your own life. Because if you didn't accept that kind of treatment, nothing would have happened to you. That's just how narcissists think. They don't see it as though they're ruining your life.

They see it as though you're doing it to yourself. As though you are the cause of anything that happens to you. Which they then use to justify their actions. Which is why the longer you stay with them, you start seeing more and more abuse.

It gets worse and worse. Until you start to lose yourself. Because you're giving everything to the narcissist. But there's no point complaining about the narcissist to the narcissist. Because they don't care.
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Narcissists seek out targets who both look good and feel good on them.

If you have what it takes to complete those parts of them which are empty, in much need of patching up, they will hone their sights in on you.

It could be that you have good social connections and financial wealth.

Or maybe you are generally giving, hardworking, and all-round competent, and they can already visualize the various ways in which you can service them and their needs.

Or perhaps you have a genuine warm personality who wants the best for people, and you build good relationships with people easily and are viewed favorably by your peers and the community more at large.

The latter is an interesting one, because narcissists so often want to come across as nice, caring, empathic, and they never quite manage to pull it off.

If they can become close to you, they might feel that through their association with you, people might finally start to see them in the favorably light under which they aspire to be seen.


Not to mention, they directly benefit from your good nature.

While the narcissist may gain, you, the target, should be careful. No-one owes it to themself to be used. So keep the following principle in mind –

When you are getting close to someone new, just make sure you are receiving back roughly what you are putting out. Keep an eye on the “give-and take meter”, make sure it is broadly in balance.

And when someone starts taking much more than they give, consistently, time to sign out.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-target-you

[tellomon]

What is it like being in a relationship with a narcissist?

Horrific beyond any imagining.

Of course, the start is beautiful and wonderful and everything you never thought you’d have. And then? And then it becomes a walk through the 7th circle of hell. But by that time, it’s hard to even know what’s going on - those of us at the receiving end start to tell ourselves stories which are totally distorted (there must be something wrong with me; I’m such a terrible person that even a monster can treat me badly; I am worthless…)

Some who have never experienced this kind of relation-shite may minimise the survivor’s experience - not because they’re insensitive, but because they’ve never gone through it (thank God). The only people who can truly understand the impact are those who have been through it. We are tribe.

There are no winners in a narcissistically abusive relationship; the narc goes on their merry way to screw up another person’s life, and we, the survivors, end up with myriad issues including, for some, PTSD. One never comes out the other side without having sustained significant losses - financially, spiritually, physically, socially, psychically.

BUT - and here is the gem - the survivor is given a chance to build a life which is better than the one they had before. I am grateful for the lessons the narc taught me; I am worth more than abuse, my track record of getting through shite is 100%, my garden is growing back after being burned to the felafeling ground.

The narc will never learn from what they do - they will continue to live shallow, ineffectual, sad lives.

So, while it’s utter hell, if we do the work to heal post-discard, life is astonishingly beautiful. I would urge anyone who has been through this to embrace the opportunity to be your best self despite the work it takes to get there.
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A relationship with a narcissist is highly exploitative, abusive, rife with heinous levels of deceit, acts of serial infidelity, manipulation and crazy making.

Narcissists are exceedingly parasitic, charlatans and exploit their partners at every turn. This provides them with narcissistic supply at your expense. There will be no reciprocity on the narcissist’s part and a complete and utter lack of care for your needs, emotional and physical well-being. You’ll give to a fault and invest in what you believed was true love and authenticity.

This could manifest in emotional / financial investment, plans for the future that will never come to fruition and maybe even moving in with the narcissist at break neck speed. They need to lock you down before you spot the red flags. The more entangled you become, the narcissist knows it will be harder for you to leave.

In the initial love bombing stage, the predatory narcissist will be on their best behaviour, keeping their mask firmly in place as they rope you deeper into the relationship. You’ll be under the impression that the narcissist could be the love of your life as they shower you with attention, adoration and “loving” compliments.

The narcissist’s sole intent with their love bombing campaign is to hook you in before devaluation sets in. Narcissists know that most prospective supplies would run for the hills if they show their true insidious and deplorable intentions at first. Hence the narcissist’s charm offensive which nothing could be further from authentic. The narcissist knows they need to lock you down in order to get their elixir known as narcissistic supply.

Some of you have seen this list before, others may have not. However, when you enter the devaluation phase in a narcissistic relationship, here is what to expect and the atrocities you’ll be subjected to:

Manipulation, exploitation, gaslighting.

Pathological lying / deceit.

Leading doubles lives.

Infidelity; promiscuity, serial cheating, having hidden dating profiles and hookup apps across multiple platforms.

Physical health; subjecting you to the possibility of contracting a raft of STDs as they feign exclusivity while banging tf out of multiple sex partners simultaneously throughout your relationship.

Blame shifting, sidestepping accountability for their countless misdeeds and betrayals.

Addictions; drugs, alcohol, pornography, compulsive masturbation, sex and / or gambling.

Financial abuse.

Triangulation; introducing third parties into the relationship to create jealousy.

Verbal abuse, put downs, shaming and blaming.

Intimacy avoidance / withdrawal.

Shirking domestic responsibilities; failing to maintain the home, clean, cook, shop for groceries or pay bills - they’ll expect all this from you.

Intermittent dosing; when you’re into devaluation, you’ll be sprinkled with reminders of how they were during the love bombing phase to keep you in the game and supply them with zero fs given and no reciprocity.

Future faking; promising you a bright future with no intent on following through.

Grooming and lining up your replacement at a time of their choosing - this doesn’t include the string of infidelities prior to the new replacement being found.

Smear campaigning; playing the victim, trashing your good name to anyone who will listen to illicit sympathy to set the storyline in place for their discard.

Duper’s delight; the feeling of power and control they get to sadistically gratify themselves when they deceive you relentlessly. This gives them a sense of power and control over you and the relationship dynamic.

As you can see, narcissists are highly dangerous individuals to become emotionally involved with. The second your supply begins to become predictable and less potent, the narcissist will actively seek your replacement. You aren’t making the grade for them anymore despite your back breaking efforts to recapture who they were during the love bombing phase - which will likely never return.

Narcissists are the epitome of social sewage bottom feeders and the only way their appalling abuse and betrayals can be stopped is to exit the relationship, block, go no contact and slowly start your journey to recovery without the dead weight of the narcissist pulling you down deeper to the depths of misery you never dreamed possible.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-to-people-in-relationships-with-narcissists

[tellomon]

.

[tellomon]

"At the risk of sounding like a narc...this is about me, what I'm dealing with".

Is it harder for a narcissist to discard someone they’ve been with for a long time or does it not bother them at all?

The length of the relationship doesn’t bother them at all, it’s the person they are in a relationship with. They can leave a +30 years marriage for (an online sl*t) With no regrets if that **** is meeting their needs and satisfying them.

It's the value of the supply, satisfaction, adrenaline, youth, positivity, attention, sex, money, place, they get from the person.

And no one is ever enough for them, they will use a person until drained and go search for a fresh one to suck the life out of them.
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Time has nothing to do with it. If you are providing things the narcissist requires, he will keep you around , especially if he is able to do whatever he likes behind your back and you are oblivious to it. The narcissist often likes a long term partner to project an image of a perfect relationship to the world, but behind closed doors he is always looking for new supply and most likely cheating on the long term partner

What makes a narcissist discard you is the finding of another supply who has more to offer, who will also never question what the narcissist is doing, and will supply the narcissist with the validation and admiration he requires at all times. The narcissist will discard you if he gets bored , if you fall ill , or if and when he so decides for whatever other reason.

A narcissist has no empathy or feelings whatsoever, so discarding someone they have been with for a long time means nothing to them, especially if they think the grass is greener elsewhere.
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Discard is not the leaving / ending / walking away that a NORMAL person does, which includes talks, grief, sadness blah blah

You can still break up with a narc and get discarded.

The discard is a combo of flipping the script and becoming an absolute nobody to them after some epic bad treatment, triangulation, as if the r/s/ marriage/ shite show never really existed.

So back to your question:

No, they discard you as if you are their worst enemy, you will be shock and awed at the treatment you get, even after you do the leaving. NOTHING is normal with these folks from beginning to end, to after end.

He reversed the MF script as if he was leaving me.. it was so felafelled up i had to refer back to my divorce papers to see who was plaintiff and who was defendant.

However, he had no intention of ending this…. it was all in my hands to try to save it, and all in my hands to walk away. i had a 20 year relationship with myself, and him as the ghost of the devil.
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No it doesn't bother them at all. No good memories, no hard struggles that you and your narc went through together could prevent them from discarding you.

The only way to keep them with you is if you are useful to them, in the sense you meet their expectations, idealizations, etc.

They are unable to love anybody unconditionally because their empathy is impaired. They have terms and conditions for their partners to live by. If you fail just 1 criteria, you're out.

Narcs are capable of feeling hurt, and if you hurt them, you're out as well. Even if you didn't intend to hurt them. Their empathy is only for themselves.

Learn from other people's experience, if you spot a narc, run as far as you can. If you don't want to spend your life being tortured emotionally because mind games are their thing.

I knew this one person who displayed at least 85%-90% of the cluster B traits (BPD, NPD, APD - psychopathy and sociopathy mostly, and I suspect he's a malignant narc), he was so keen on playing mind games. One minute he's friendly, next he'd ignore me for no apparent reason, while 5 minutes ago he laughed and joked with me. He might not be aware of the games he played but he definitely enjoyed it.

He was hell to deal with.

Don't waste more time. Just go away and leave before your narc exhausts you.
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This question implies that the N cares about a relationship in terms other than supply. For certain, the N cares about nothing other than maintaining their own position of grandiosity, superiority and power. Relationships provide the N with supply which stroke and reinforce the N’s grandiose feelings.

The N is skilled at juggling multiple sources of supply simultaneously, whilst making each supply feel unique and special. The N will discard a supply instantly if the supply doesn’t cooperate. To the N, the entire world is supply waiting for them to tap.

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-harder-for-a-narcissist-to-discard-someone-they-ve-been-with-for-a-long-time-or-does-it-not-bother-them-at-all

[tellomon]

What would make a narcissist happy with his or her significant other?

Nothing. The answer is nothing.

The narcissist's needs/wants/desires/expectations are constantly changing. True happiness will never be found.

However, they most definitely get their kicks out of making their victim squirm.
They love holding power over you and making you look and feel weak.
They love to criticize and insult.
They love to embarrass you.
They love to lie to and about you.
They love to make you feel like you are nothing.
They love gaslighting you…blame-shifting.
They love to cheat and not get caught.
They love to cheat and get caught…because “What are YOU gonna do about it?!?”
They love to make you feel absolutely crazy.
They love to make threats.
They love to isolate you.
They love to make you apologize to them for something that was completely and clearly their fault.
They love to run away from responsibility.
They love to make others pay for their actions.
They love to not take responsibility for any of their actions.
They love control.
They love dominance.

The only way to avoid any of this is to not allow them to hold that power…unfortunately, you're head over heels in love with the persona they've played so far. They LOVE when they realize that they've ‘got you' and they can now transition from the love bombing to the crazy-making. They've got you all set up in their web, and it's time for the spider to start coming out.

It's SO very easy to fall for their games. They present themselves to you as absolutely everything you've ever wanted…and more. You're too busy oodling over them to realize that they are too good to be true.

We all know the warning, “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.” Well what if you've been single and lonely for years, just waiting for God to answer your prayers and send you the ‘one' you've been waiting for. Then randomly, you meet this person who you have SO much in common with.

They may even have a few minor flaws, but you justify those because everything else about them is A-MAZING…and you truly believe that THIS is your answer to all those prayers. THIS is who you've been waiting for all of your life.

…and you're hooked. In love with the complete stranger you've gotten to know…having NO idea that THIS isn't who they are AT ALL.

That's what they love.

That's who they are…and that's what makes them happy.

God bless anyone who has ever been a narcissist's pawn. God bless their children. God bless all of those falling for one right now. God bless all of those going through ANY stage of the game. You're life will be forever changed.

https://www.quora.com/Who-is-a-narcissist-happy-with-1

[tellomon]

They see you as an object. An object to use (that´s all).
What the Narcissist Really Sees When They Look at You - It's Disgusting!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQcln-mEqCo

[tellomon]

It’s always about what the Narcissist lost or is losing, rather than about the pain they were causing.
C.S. Lewis Reveals: The Hidden Danger of Narcissists Among Us

Welcome to C.S. Lewis Insights, your premier source for exploring the profound wisdom and timeless teachings of C.S. Lewis. In this video, we delve into C.S. Lewis Reveals: The Hidden Danger of Narcissists Among Us, uncovering the rich layers of meaning and insight that Lewis has to offer. Whether you're a long-time admirer of his work or new to his writings, our content is designed to provide deep, thoughtful analysis and inspire your faith journey. Join us as we explore the literary and theological legacy of one of the most influential thinkers of the 20th century.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zJip-HGBTE

[tellomon]

What does a narcissistic smirk mean?

It is a look of evilness, inhumanity, and smug superiority that is not grounded in reality.

It is a distinct look you do not forget and you know this person making it at you is not human and manipulating you.

Narcissists have a contempt for other people that is distinct to them and being in the presence of someone who does not respect you and wants to do you harm if intimidating and life-threatening.

https://www.quora.com/What-does-a-narcissistic-smirk-mean

The narcissistic stare and narcissistic smirk

@NewtralHuman
1 year ago (edited)
The smirk and grin literally looks like demonic contempt!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fve5iO5xZDo&t=178s

[tellomon]

Why do narcissistic people fake apologies?

Whatever narc does, please always remember, it’s not for you, it’s solely for his / her benefit.

Why they fake apologies?

In my case, to get rid of me because his mask is now known to me and he’s afraid everyone knows the truth about him.

Gaslighting. To make you believe everything is okay, not a problem, when it’s not. He will still do the same treatment to you. Lying, manipulating, gaslighting, cheating, abusing.

To tell others, that he has apologized. His image should stay as a good person, isn’t it?
 
Please refer to my initial sentences, whatever they do, it’s for their benefit only, including apologizing.

A narc has no ability to self-reflect. How then he can apologize if at the first place, he doesn’t feel any remorse? If no remorse and not followed by changing behavior, how could it be an apology?
________________________________

Because they can. It's just part of being a narcissist. One of their greatest talents is their ability to revise history and put the blame on you.

This is because another trait of narcissism is an absolute refusal to accept responsibility for their own mistakes.

Right after they do something egregious to you and it blows up in their face, they will panic about possibly losing you. At that point, you may get the most sincere apology you have ever heard. They might even shed a few crocodile tears to reinforce their regrets.

You are likely to believe them because how could anyone fake that kind of humble sincerity.

Hah!!!!! The narcissist got you once again. This is part of their smoke and mirrors routine. Once you accept that heartfelt apology and forgive them, they will become complacent. And why wouldn't they? They now know how easy it is to dupe you.

After a short time, it annoys them that they have taken the blame for something. It doesn't make sense since they are superior to you in every way. This is when they decide to amp things up by gaslighting you to make you accept responsibility.

The scary thing is that you can never be sure if they are just lying about their version of the event or if they have actually convinced themselves that it really happened that way.

My ex once lashed out at me a week after giving me a heartfelt apology and began ranting that it was actually all my fault. I whipped out the recording I had made of the entire fight which refuted his claim.

He listened to it with steam coming out of his ears, called me nasty names for recording him, threw his phone at me and stormed out of the house. But, he never brought that particular subject up again.
___________________________

Narcissistic individuals may fake apologies for several reasons:

Manipulation: They often seek to manipulate others to maintain control over a situation or to avoid the consequences of their actions. A fake apology can serve as a tool to disarm someone and regain power.

Self-Preservation: Narcissists may apologize insincerely to protect their self-image or avoid criticism. They prioritize their reputation and may feign remorse to appear more favorable in the eyes of others.

Lack of Empathy: Many narcissists struggle to genuinely empathize with others. Their apologies may lack sincerity because they do not fully understand or care about the impact of their actions on others.

Desire for Validation: A fake apology can be a way to elicit forgiveness or validation from others without taking responsibility for their behavior. They may want to maintain relationships or avoid isolation.

Avoiding Conflict: Sometimes, narcissists may issue fake apologies simply to diffuse tension or conflict, allowing them to move on without having to engage in deeper accountability or change.

Understanding these motivations can help individuals recognize insincere apologies and navigate interactions with narcissistic individuals more effectively.
___________________________________

The only reason for the constant apologies would be to pacify you momentarily and then move on like it never happened until the next apology. If the narcissist is so sorry why do they continue to repeat the same behaviors only adding insult to injury by apologizing for actions that they intentionally do and are not sorry for, empty apologies have no substance or genuine feelings for anyone accept for themselves, don't listen to their words just watch their actions and that will show you who they are, they are very good at manipulation and convincing you that you are the problem even though their actions are very plain to see but their words are just that: words.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissistic-people-fake-apologies

[tellomon]

What does a narcissist apology sound like?

NO ONE knows. They’ve never heard one…boom boom…!

Seriously though, this is how it goes.

Me: ‘you did something wrong and its hurt my feelings / f*cked my life up’.

Narc: *hours of denial and changing the subject and ‘accidentally’ missing the point*

Me: (sticking to my guns), ‘yes, I hear you, but you still hurt my feelings / f*cked my life up’.

Narc: (seeing I’m not gonna back down), ‘yeah well, I’ve been under a lot of strain lately cos of my job / ex / financial worries / serious medical issues / the stock market / any other excuse, and I’ve been very depressed / considering suicide / emigrating, so my minds just been elsewhere’…*boo-hoo poor me*.

Me: (empath), ‘oh, I didn’t realise you were depressed / really ill / suicidal / bankrupt’ (starting to feel a tad guilty for mentioning MY feelings).

Narc: *passive aggressive sniff* ‘oh, it’s OK, it’s just that I struggle sometimes with all this stuff I have to deal with, and, like, when you attack me like this, it just makes everything SOOO much WORSE…!’ (starts to eye knife block in kitchen for suitable implement to cut wrists with).

Me: ‘oh my god! I mean, sorry, sorry, NO! I wasn’t having a go at you! Look, let’s just leave it, OK? i’m really really sorry I’ve upset you! God, I feel awful! (wishing I’d never opened my mouth and feeling dreadful).

Narc: (piously)’ that’s ok, I just, you know, I’m sensitive’ *wipes away an imaginary tear*.

Me: ‘look, don’t worry about me, I’m fine, let me cook you dinner. You have a nice warm bath and I’ll pour you a glass of wine. Love you!’.

Narc: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

THAT is how it goes, generally, til you remove your head from your ass.
_______________________________

No matter how big or how small the offense, narcs do not apologize. They're never wrong. They never behave badly. In their minds the worst possible crime they could be guilty of is trusting that you would grasp their awesomeness. They're the ones whose worst trait is that they “love too much” or “give too much.” [Insert eye roll here]

If you ever hear a narcissist apologize, and that's a big if, it will sound like

“I'm sorry you feel like I hurt your feelings.”

“I'm sorry that I forget you're more sensitive than other people.”

“I'm sorry that you can't handle being wrong.”

“I'm sorry there's so much going on in your life right now but this can't all be about me.”

“I'm sorry I didn't just step back into line like everybody else does around you.”

“I'm sorry you don't believe me.”

It's much more likely that if they've offended you they'll just stare at you for a moment then turn around and walk away, often while you're still talking. They'll disappear for a while then when they're back in your space they'll make small talk about dinner or TV like nothing ever happened.

Then if you bring up the thing that just happened, they'll say “I already apologized for that” which in Narcanese translates to “I gave you time and space to cool off. I feel great. You should feel great too.”

The exception to this rule is that if they haven't worked out their safety net (the next person) they'll have to say whatever keeps you with them because they cannot be alone. Without someone on the other side of the see-saw they don't know who to be.

That apology will sound exactly like a real apology. But be careful…the apology was made under duress.

Think about the stories you've heard of home intruders or kidnap victims. Many of the escape stories involve the victims telling the perps that they understand them, they're on their side, they promise they won't go to the police.

Or think about when we watch a movie and a protagonist, with a gun held to their head, says 'you'd better kill me because I'm going straight to the police’ and as viewers we're yelling at the TV “You're gonna get yourself killed! Why wouldn't you just play along!?” That's because in life or death situations we recognize the need to say whatever it takes to make it out alive.

A narcs emergency assessment dial isn't set to life-or-death. It's set to comfort. So just like the way you might promise a home invader that you won't call the police and then run to your phone the minute the invader can't see you, the narc will say the necessary words then go back on all of them the moment he feels it's safe to do so.

That apology would include all the elements of an apology that you use to gauge sincerity. Just know that a person who meant their apology would at least try to keep it. If it looks like they're not even trying, they're not. Run away.

In the case of a kidnapping, the rule is never let them take you to the second location. In the case of the narc, never let them take you to the second apology. Once the apology-averse narc has given you the first “sincere” apology and gone back on it, you can bet this will be your future. Get out before they do it again.

They will do it again.

https://www.quora.com/What-does-a-narcissist-apology-sound-like

[tellomon]

10 Most Wicked Ways the Covert Narcissist Tries to Trigger You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLayEHNefRA

[tellomon]

The 10 Cruelest Ways a Narcissist Controls You
With Fear

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3UUEG5pmXY

[tellomon]

The Biggest Signs of Disrespect by a Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NycJPfUwxpY

[tellomon]

Thermostat
Yahoo
/
1 Sherry



Ron Tello
 
From:
m86thecat@yahoo.com
To:
Sherry Kopack

Thu, Sep 5, 2024 at 6:23 AM

https://www.zoro.com/cadco-thermostat-30194ec/i/G402281950/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=surfaces&utm_campaign=shopping%20feed&utm_content=free%20google%20shopping%20clicks&campaignid=21460994824&productid=G402281950&v=&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw8rW2BhAgEiwAoRO5rNnfGlcfEDEAUgqEtVbZPgkecDSiR1KAeavupBPY1LKo8w_Pa4FaqRoCm6oQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

What about propane?

-R

 
From:Sherry Kopack
xxxxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
To: Ron Tello
m86thecat@yahoo.com

Fri, Sep 6, 2024 at 10:23 AM

Is the thermostat for the buddy heater that I bought for you last year? If it is, why did the thermostat go out after only one winter of use?
Bob Wells has made negative comments about those buddy heaters. I don't remember what propane heater he says is better. But if the cost of the thermostat is under $20., I suppose I can get it.

You need to report to James about all that you do, and the hours you have put in. The hours must add up to 5 hours a week. James will be taking photos of your completed jobs. Please keep a list. James and I are creating a list of everything you need to keep up on. You say you don't know what all you can do when you finish the jobs?
Some of these jobs are an ongoing one. Pine needles are always falling. Please keep them cleaned up. When I come up there once a month, I expect to see that the jobs are done. You must keep up with the snow shoveling as well. I don't want to come up there and walk on top of snow that has not been shoveled. Please keep the pump uncovered from snow as well.


When you can prove to me that the jobs are being done, then I will pay for your propane once a month, on the first.
_________________________

Landlord Obligations for Habitable Premises - The Basic California Law
In California a landlord is required to provide a safe living environment for the tenants and the law has been established under the California Civil Code. The failure of a landlord to provide such conditions can lead to violation of the law and impose civil and, at times, even criminal liability upon the landlord. This article shall outline the requirements imposed.

The Basic Law:

Under the California Civil Code, landlords of a property must ensure that certain conditions are met which make the living space habitable and safe for potential lessees.

 These conditions include ensuring proper electric, gas, and plumbing utilities, heating as well as installing proper locks and security systems. If a landlord fails to meet these requirements, the lessee has the option of deducting the costs of repair from his rent or vacating the premises with no constraints. A landlord can also be held liable for certain breaches of security that occur on his property, if the unsafe condition or act could have been foreseen or prevented.

https://www.stimmel-law.com/en/articles/landlord-obligations-habitable-premises-basic-california-law

______________________________

Must a Landlord Provide Heat in California?

By Kim Dieter,ContributorUpdated Dec 14, 2018 1:42 a.m.
Before the tenancy begins, a landlord ensures the rental unit has a working heating system.

California landlords have a legal duty to look after the well being of their tenants by ensuring the rental property is fit for human habitation. Part of this obligation is making sure you are not too cold in winter. Generally, the landlord must supply heating to the main rooms and keep the heating system working. If you do something to break the system, however, the repair cost is down to you.

Tip
A landlord is obligated to provide tenants with a way to heat their home during cold weather.

https://screm.com/are-landlords-required-to-provide-heat-in-california/

_______________________

THE CRIME OF ELDER ABUSE IN CALIFORNIA - PC 368

Elder abuse is covered under California Penal Code Section 368. It covers a wide array of criminal offenses that may occur in different situations.

Victims who are 65 years or older are given special protections as abuse of seniors have increased dramatically in Southern California.

In fact, the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office has a separate elder abuse unit that specializes in aggressive investigation and prosecution of these types of cases, which is commonly known as senior abuse. It's important to note the victim does not have to be a senior citizen, but only a dependant.

The law provides protection to any dependant adult who has mental or physical limitations that would impair their ability to perform daily normal activities. In most cases, defendants of an elder abuse case are a family member or a caregiver.

Elder abuse can occur in different ways, including:

physical,
mental, or
financial fraud.
It's a criminal offense to willfully cause or allow an elder or dependent individual to suffer unjustifiable pain.

This means that an individual does not have directly abuse an elder. If they are the caregiver and knowingly allows an elder to be abused, they could be charged with elder abuse.

Physical abuse is causing pain or injuries of an elderly victim, such as any type of:

abrasions,
bruises,
fractures, or
burns.
Physical abuse also includes neglect, abduction, abandonment, or sexual abuse.Emotional abuse is any type of mental suffering, such as ridicule or isolation.

A common example in Los Angeles County would include a situation where a caregiver refuses to allow an elderly person to have contact with other people.

Financial abuse includes stealing, embezzlement and defrauding an elder's property, such as forgery or identity theft.

Elder abuse can be filed as a misdemeanor or felony offense, depending on the specific circumstances and the defendant's criminal history.

There are numerous scenarios where you could be charged with elder abuse, but it typically includes situations where you are accused of taking advantage, neglecting, or abusing an elderly person under your care.

It also includes allowing this to happen. Elder abuse is often domestic violence related.

If you are facing accusations of abusing an elder, you need to contact a Los Angeles criminal defense lawyer at Eisner Gorin LLP immediately.

Don't make any statements to police detectives as you may incriminate yourself. Our lawyers need to closely examine the allegations and specific circumstances in order to start developing an effective defense strategy.

Let's take a closer look at the legal definition, penalties, and potential legal defenses for elder abuse below.

CALIFORNIA PENAL CODE SECTION 368 – ELDER ABUSE
Under California Penal Code Section 368, which is listed as crimes against elders and dependant adults, elder abuse is legally defined as follows:

Any individual who knows, or reasonably should know, that an elder or dependent adult who, under circumstances likely to produce great bodily harm or death, willfully causes or allows an elder or dependent adult to suffer or inflict unjustifiable physical pain or mental suffering, or having care or custody of any elder or dependent adult, willfully causes or allows the person or health of the elder be injured, or willfully causes or allows the elder or dependent to be placed in a situation in which their health is endangered, is punishable by imprisonment in a county jail for up to one year, a fine up to $6,000, or both, or sentenced to state prison for up to four years.
In order to be convicted of elder abuse, the Los Angeles County prosecutor has to be able to prove, beyond any reasonable doubt, certain elements of the crime. These elements include:

The victim was at least 65 years old, or
You knew or should have reasonably known the alleged victim was at least 65 years old at the time of the abuse
You willfully caused unjustified physical pain or mental suffering on the victim or allowed another person to do so
Your actions occurred under circumstances that could have endangered the health or life of the elder
The term “willfully” means it was on purpose or deliberate. Unjustifiable pain or mental suffering means causing some type of pain that is not necessary, or that is excessive under the specific circumstances.

Circumstances that could have endangered the health or likely to produce great bodily harm means a significant physical injury.

However, it's not necessary that the elder actually suffered a great bodily injury, only that they were placed in a situation where it could have happened.

It's important to make note here that a prosecutor can only convict you if you had a legal duty to act.

https://www.egattorneys.com/domestic-violence/elder-abuse#:~:text=Penal%20Code%20368%20PC%20elder,may%20occur%20in%20different%20situations.

[tellomon]

Narcissists listen to Satan but believe they are God, hence, those who question them are considered blasphemous and deserve to be punished.
7 Lies Satan Whispers to a Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VxMmAKAZWU

[tellomon]

A repeated pattern of hurting or annoying someone isn't a mistake - it's a decision.
5 Dumb Demonic Things Narcissists Do To Annoy You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZC7zuTNqlqU

[tellomon]

Narcissist people are
very weak. Is it all part of an act?

Narcissists are weak people with and are slaves of their own ego. Narcissists are weak and needy people who can't survive without using people. Narcissists are parasitic in nature; they need to feed on people's emotions, energy, and other things to regulate their self-esteem.

When narcissists don't get what they want, they'll throw tantrums to get their needs met. It's easy to hurt narcissists because they are very sensitive to their own feelings and have a fragile ego. Narcissists main agenda is to use and abuse people to look powerful. Narcissists also suffer from other mental conditions. Narcissists are so weak that they can't resist the temptation to cheat or control their other needs.

Even if narcissists are unaffected by people's emotions, if something doesn't go their way, then get ready for their childish tantrums.
___________________________

They don't do any of the things they're supposed to when faced with a simple issue so they of course have no adaptation nor tolerance for such. They simply don't see doing things they see as degrading (thinking things through, apologizing, getting over things, shutting up, telling the truth etc, other simple human things) as an option.

They know they can and should but refuse to and will do everything in their power not to. Not being able to get their way by whichever malicious means makes them angry as they go into narc collapse. Its not an act, it's the consequence of being an extremely self absorbed malicious power greedy idiot who refuses to do things that they deem beneath them.

https://thedarkworldofnarcissistbysevinc.quora.com/Narcissist-people-are-very-weak-Is-it-all-part-of-an-act

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists start to hate you for no reason?

They might hate you for several reasons:

They hate themselves.

You have real happiness, which they don’t.

They’re jealous of everything about you: your life, upbringing, success, choices, friends, and family.

They have negative thoughts in their heads that make them feel bad about themselves, and they take it out on you.

Their Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) makes them bitter and hateful, so they end up hating you.

When you spend time with a narcissist, you’ll notice they’re often angry, unhappy, and full of hate. It’s just who they are. As the saying goes, "Haters gonna hate." Narcissists are haters, all the time.
_________________________________

The narc doesn’t hate you, he hates himself. He hates what he can’t have. He hates the qualities and the character that you behold, the ones he’ll never have. He hates the life you live, your friends, your personality, wisdom, your family, and pretty much anything that pertains to you. Why? Because he would love to be in your shoes, but CAN NEVER WEAR YOUR SHOES!!!.

He knows that and it hates you for that very reason.
________________________________

Because they are simply toxic. They don’t care about anyone, and they get jealous for no reason. It’s best to avoid narcissists at all costs. They think they are better than anyone else but in reality, they are worthless.
______________________________

Because Narcissists are evil. Period.

Evil is irrational and destructive. That is the substance of evil.

We may want to continue asking “Why…?”, “But…” and the line of questions would lead nowhere, because our questions are rational. Evil is a dead-end street. It destroys for no reason. It can only be described and labeled in metaphysical terms, but can never be understood from a rational and ethical point of view.

Evil makes no sense, but has always been there.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-start-to-hate-you-for-no-reason

[tellomon]

What kind of parents cause narcissism?

Narcissism can develop in response to abandonment or neglect at an early age. The child has no guides to help him develop past early stages where children are naturally narcissistic. The person simply never matures past this stage due to the wounding that occurred.

In a sense they are frozen in time from an emotional development standpoint. If you consider the behavior of an infant and compare this to the behavior of an adult narcissist you will see the parallels pretty easily.

It can also occur when parents are neglectful but also spoil the child. For example the parents are always too busy or simply emotionally disconnected from the child, but will purchase gifts and toys for the child to keep them occupied. The child gets the message that they are entitled to have whatever they want as a substitute for love. Regardless of how much you try to connect with the narcissist as an adult they are unable to connect with you. But they will expect you to provide them with whatever they happen to want.

It can also occur when growing up within a narcissistic dynamic. The narcissistic parent will generally pick a scapegoat and a golden child. They will project their shame onto the scapegoat who will frequently grow up to be a codependent. The golden child will be held up on a pedestal, but expected to succeed in accordance to the narcissist vision, and never loved for themselves.

Oftentimes the golden child is the one who will become narcissistic. The golden child got the narcissists approval and attention but only when they behaved like the parent expected them to. Since the narcissistic parent thinks being a narcissist is the perfect way to be the golden child will learn how to behave like a narcissist. When not behaving like a narcissist the golden child will receive criticism.

They are never able to develop their independent identity and since the narcissistic parent can change the rules at will they are always looking to the parent for instructions on how to be.

In order to survive a narcissistic parent a person must practice self abandonment. Their only purpose is to serve the parents needs. This situation causes deep shame because the child is taught that their natural self is abhorrent and unlovable. As the person grows older they will develop a number of coping strategies and deploy defensive strategies to protect themselves from this shame.

In the case of the golden child behaving in a way which mirrored the parent earned them the acceptance of the narcissistic parent, so it is a defense mechanism they will continue to employ. The scapegoat child also carries this shame but their defensive strategies leave more room for self reflection.

When the golden child is reflecting the narcissistic parent there is no room for self reflection because the narcissistic parent is already perfect and any suggestion that they are not will send them into a rage, which is by all means something that the children learned to avoid doing.

https://www.quora.com/What-kind-of-parents-cause-narcissism

[tellomon]

What Is Narcissistic Stonewalling?

Alright, let's get into it. You want to know about narcissistic stonewalling? Fine. Brace yourself, because this is a serious topic that has real consequences for your mental health and relationships.

First off, narcissistic stonewalling is all about CONTROL. It's straight-up emotional warfare, carefully orchestrated by someone who thinks they’re the center of the damn universe.

This isn’t your average, run-of-the-mill silent treatment you might get during an argument. No, this is a calculated, manipulative tactic used by narcissists to dominate you. It’s a psychological chokehold, meant to leave you gasping for any scrap of attention or approval they might toss your way.

Imagine you're having a disagreement or even just trying to communicate — it doesn't matter what the topic is. The narcissist will shut down, give you the cold shoulder, or disappear altogether. They won't respond to your calls or texts, they'll ignore your presence, and they'll watch as you squirm, get frustrated, or even beg for a reaction. This is PREDATORY.

Why do they do it? CONTROL. It’s all about making you feel insignificant and powerless. They want to destabilize you mentally and emotionally until you start questioning your own sanity. This is not just some random behavior; it's a power play designed to keep you on edge, doubting yourself, and dependent on their validation.

And let me tell you, it's toxic as hell. It erodes your self-esteem, makes you feel unworthy, and can lead you straight into a tailspin of anxiety and depression. Trust me, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life, and recognizing it is the first step to breaking free from it.

So, what should you do? Simple. As soon as you recognize narcissistic stonewalling, DON'T take the bait. Don’t let them see you sweat. Distance yourself if you have to and surround yourself with positive influences who genuinely care about you. And remember, you have the power to walk away from toxic situations like that. Hold your ground, value yourself, and don't put up with this manipulative garbage.

Life’s too short to be anyone’s emotional punching bag. Make a stand. Get out if you have to, and reclaim your power.

There you go — raw, unfiltered, and to the point. No sugar-coating here. You wanted to know about narcissistic stonewalling? Now you do. Use this knowledge to protect yourself and live strong.
_____________________________________

Stonewalling is the opposite of cooperation, but has built in plausible deniability, so it’s a favorite tool of any narcissist.

Imagine you want to put in a garden bed. Your reasoning is sound and most importantly, it would bring you satisfaction and joy. You work diligently, collecting wood to build a raised bed, research your soil and buy seeds. You get your starts going, and go buy everything you need.

Your narcissist partner ignores your project for the most part, but makes a few disparaging comments. At some point you ask for help to cart the soil from the driveway to the garden bed. Your narc had said he would help, but now that the time has come, he’s dragging his feet (stonewalling 101). He finally makes it to the driveway, and even though he’s there to “help and support” he immediately starts criticizing all your efforts.

The raised bed isn’t right, your soil amendments are wrong, where are you planting the tomatoes, and on and on and on, until all of your enthusiasm is drained and your joy in creating something useful has been completely crushed. Even a saint would want to erupt or just throw in the towel and walk away.

Meanwhile, your narc is smirking and enjoying your frustration. Ultimately, you end up asking your girlfriend to come help you.

Why are they like this?

Because destroying your dream gives them all the supply they crave. And if you call them out, the fight that follows gives them even more supply. And they’ll use the plausible deniability to say “What!? I was only trying to help!”
_________________________


Its passive-aggressive childlike behavior.

Low EQ.

A healthy adult will communicate even if needing a few days to cool off. The toddler runs away.

I was subjected to “ the lesson” so I would “get it” and the abuse and trauma it caused because I didn't. I rewarded it until I understood what “it “ was. He would not communicate with me at all. Just silence.

“It” was not me. “It” was a damaged man who did not have empathy or respect for others. The lesson was a degree in abnormal psychology.

Narcissistic stonewalling is a manipulative tactic often used by individuals with narcissistic personality disorder. It is a form of emotional abuse where the narcissist completely shuts down and refuses to engage in any meaningful communication or discussion. This can leave the other person feeling frustrated, confused, and invalidated.

When a narcissist engages in stonewalling, they essentially build a wall around themselves and refuse to let anyone in. They may ignore your attempts to communicate, give you the silent treatment, or dismiss your concerns and feelings without any consideration. It can be an incredibly isolating and damaging experience for the person on the receiving end. The purpose of narcissistic stonewalling is for the narcissist to maintain control and power in the relationship.

By refusing to engage in communication, they are able to avoid any accountability or responsibility for their actions.

It is a way for them to manipulate and exert dominance over their partner or those around them.

Stonewalling can be particularly harmful because it undermines healthy communication and prevents the resolution of conflicts. It creates a toxic dynamic where the narcissist holds all the power and the other person is left feeling unheard and unimportant. Over time, this can lead to a breakdown in the relationship and significant emotional distress for the victim.

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who engages in narcissistic stonewalling, it is important to recognize the signs and take steps to protect yourself. Here are some strategies to consider:

Educate yourself: Learn about narcissistic personality disorder and the tactics that narcissists use. Understanding their behaviors can help you detach emotionally and see through their manipulation.

Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the narcissist and communicate your expectations for respectful communication. This may involve stating what behavior is unacceptable and what consequences will occur if those boundaries are crossed.

Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can provide emotional support and guidance. Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting, so having a strong support system is crucial.

Practice self-care: Take care of your own well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and reduce stress. This can include exercise, meditation, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing hobbies.

Consider professional help: If dealing with a narcissist becomes overwhelming or starts impacting your mental health, seeking therapy or counseling can be beneficial. A therapist can help you navigate the complexities of the relationship and develop coping strategies.

Remember, dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, but it is important to prioritize your own well-being. You deserve to be in healthy, respectful relationships where your voice is heard and valued.

I will never again engage such evil and vile treatment from someone I was kind and generous towards.

You deserve reciprocation and this is not it.

Being ignored can have a significant impact on self-esteem. When someone you love ignores you, it can make you feel unworthy and unlovable, damaging your self-esteem and self-confidence.

You're better than this.

“To get you to comply, break and submit. Stonewalling is used when you didn’t behave according to the Narcs rules and need to be told a lesson. It’s used to break your spirit and make you a better toy. It’s atrocious, inhuman and the best thing to do is kick the narc to the curb. Let them stonewall a brick wall if they want to.”

I should have walked away when early on he told me in passing conversation……

”If someone does something to upset me I wont say anything. I will just wait and watch and see if they say anything like, they are sorry or something….”Unless they block me then I am just done with them”.

No, they blocked him because they were done with him and that toxic sh!t.

He waited for the responses, to ignore them further and watch them grovel. I was one of them. He always had unread messages that were “people he didn't want to talk to right now”. And then I became them.

We were a bunch of losers to make him feel good when we were being “used” but didn't deserve a care after being ripped apart and thrown away. It was sadistic.

What is attractive about someone who hates themselves that much, to hurt you like this, just for “loving/validating” them?

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/What-is-narcissistic-stonewalling

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

How can you be friends with a narcissist?

Azzh@les. It’s all about them, they feel like they’re owed something, they rarely keep up their end of the friendship and they’re draining to be around. They talk and talk and talk (or in the case of the coverts, barely say anything yet always want something like it’s their birthright). In another word, crappy. Narcissists suck! That’s why they’re called vampires, and they make others into vampires with enough exposure.
____________________________

Constantly prop them up emotionally and mentally by telling them they are great. That they have great ideas and are the best in their field.

They will be in competition with you, let them win (always).

Let them walk all over you. Act like it’s not happening.

Let them trigger your insecurities. Suck it up and have zero emotional reaction because if you do they will use these against you.

Hang out with their other disordered friends and let them trigger you too, don’t say a word.

Agree with everything negative and bad they say about everything and everyone.
 
Remember that they talk about you behind your back too.

Go eat and do what they want. Don’t have places or plans that aren’t theirs as you will pay if something is not their idea.

Expect that you will be betrayed.

Expect that you will be the one doing all the work to keep the relationship alive.

Expect that the only reason they are your friend is to use you for your kindness, generosity, contacts or to sadistically hurt you for entertainment.

Better yet leave them behind and make new friends.
_______________________________

1. Be agreeable. Just let them relish their imaginary cloud of pleasuring their ego (Think of them as ego addicts who cannot stop masturbating their ego or they'll die).

2. Be interesting. Keep up with interesting perspectives on things. Have passions and hobbies. Have a good grasp on current affairs, sound general knowledge and be a bibliophile. Then learn to keep all this handy when a narcissist decides to talk about one of these subjects.

3. Be average looking. Yes, try not to be too attractive. You must not be as presentable as the narcissist you are trying to be liked by. If you are too attractive, they might resent you. Or they will want to date you. We want to keep things casual.

4. Complement them. Be an expert at admiring them. Exercise caution while doing so. Narcs can sniff false words like dogs sniff bones.

5. Look up to them. There's nothing better for a narcissist than being a teacher and you to become their prodigy. Feign respect and inspiration of a narcissist. This is cakewalk. Once you have manipulated them into believing you respect them enough to follow their footsteps in life, you can get them to do pretty much anything.

6. Be available. So the narcissist has finally started warming up to you. What's next? S/he will automatically assume that you are theirs at will. You must become available at their convenience. They would want to gossip with you. Take you to their spiritual quests. Expect you to follow their passions (But be suckier than them at it).

7. Degrade the people they dislike. Now that you are in their close circle, expect the narcissist to confide in you about their hatred towards people including their family members, seniors and other friends. Join them in degrading the people they hate and you two would be inseparable.

8. Play hide and seek. If you are too available, too eager, too dependable, too agreeable, too interesting, too attractive, things would inadvertently go kaput in a matter of months (days even). Remember, a narcissist likes to play the game of run and chase. Otherwise, where's the fun? You must seem important. By important, I mean you can't be too available or they would quickly take you for granted and eventually devalue and discard you. Learn to keep the balance between show and hide. It is much like the art of seduction. You must be a seeker of pleasure. You have to earn it!

9. Buy their crap. Now that your crap has been sold, you must wholeheartedly buy into their crap. You have chosen to stay disillusioned in a morphed reality of a pathological people-user and now you must submit to it completely or you'll be caught!

10. Congratulations, you have come so far. Now, that you have decided to live a life of deceit and imagined greatness, forget about finding true happiness and enjoy your newfound immurement. Who knows when would the flying carpet be pulled out from underneath your flying self in narcland?

You have been warned.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-you-be-friends-with-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

"If you like what you see here, show me some much-needed love..."

[tellomon]

Do narcissists hope for 'the one' or 'true love'?

No.

What narcissists really want is endless sex, money, and new challenges to conquer. They can’t truly experience love. They might try to feel it, but they do it by finding new sources of attention.

You’ll never find real, lasting love with a narcissist—along with peace and happiness.

From my experience with a narcissist, I’ve learned that I will never again tolerate any form of emotional abuse. No matter how charming or well-packaged someone might seem, nothing is worth sacrificing your mental and physical health.

If you're dealing with a narcissist, learn about the disorder, figure out what you love and value, and then, when you're ready, explore all the possibilities out there. If you do the work, you'll look back and see that the relationship was with someone who couldn’t love and only aimed to break you down. And you’ll be grateful you got out.
_________________________

Narcissists often have a complex relationship with the concepts of "the one" or "true love." While they may express a desire for deep emotional connections or idealized relationships, their motivations and understanding of love are typically rooted in self-interest and validation rather than genuine emotional intimacy. Here are a few key points to consider:

Idealization: Narcissists may idealize the idea of "the one" as a way to fulfill their need for admiration and validation. They might seek partners who reflect their own self-image and enhance their status.

Fear of Vulnerability: True love requires vulnerability and emotional intimacy, which can be challenging for narcissists. Their fear of being exposed or rejected often leads them to maintain emotional distance, making it difficult to form authentic connections.

Short-Term Relationships: Narcissists may engage in relationships that seem intense and passionate at first, but these often lack depth. They may move on quickly when the initial excitement fades or when they feel that their needs are not being met.

Control and Power: For some narcissists, the pursuit of "true love" can be more about control and power dynamics than genuine affection. They may seek partners to enhance their own sense of superiority or to fulfill their fantasies.

Inconsistent Feelings: While they may yearn for an idealized partner, their feelings can be inconsistent, often swinging between admiration and devaluation. This instability can make sustaining a meaningful relationship challenging.

In summary, while narcissists might express a desire for "the one" or "true love," their approach is often more about self-gratification and less about mutual emotional fulfillment.
_________________________________

Yes they do. Unfortunately they are not capable of love nor commitment and intimacy terrifies them. They destroy it or tear it down to avoid intimacy.

It is also why they go all in with new supply. With the new person they believe that “this is the one” until it's not. Which it could be but they destroy it.

Imagine how exhausted and depressed they must be.

Now go live your best narc free life.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-hope-for-the-one-or-true-love

[tellomon]

Do narcissists go out looking
for their next supply like
"Who can I destroy next?"

No, they are looking for the perfect one in the next supply they find and on that stage they are not really thinking about their future selfish, chaotic behaviours.

The destruction starts when they realise the supply has insecurities, health problems, financial problems, etc. like any normal human being but also when they feel the victim is totally dependent on them.

The more attached the victim is towards the narcissist and pours out genuine feelings, the more they feel sick and bored as the chase is over and supply comes without minimum effort and narcissists are not grateful as they feel totally entitled to it.

Narcissists are mentally ill predators; the more the victim resist his charms the harder will be the love bombing but also more painful will be the discard at some point in the future.

https://abusivebehaviour.quora.com/Do-narcissists-go-out-looking-for-their-next-supply-like-who-can-I-destroy-next

[tellomon]

Do narcissists underestimate people more often than not?

Ron Culley
Friday
It is my observation that a Narc will “Size-Up” their target, take the first step to take it for a test drive and seal the deal all in a matter of an afternoon. Don’t over-estimate the power of a Narc on a re-supply mission.
__________________________

Narcissists consistently overestimate themselves (that’s why they feel so entitled and so resentful), but that does not mean they necessarily underestimate others. Some do. Anyone can. Especially when one lacks an accurate picture of one’s own relative importance.

But some are terrifyingly astute at spotting strengths and weaknesses, and some have fine cognitive empathy skills. They can tell how someone else feels - and they will use that skill to bond with you. They will exploit your strengths and use your weaknesses against you. And a lot of them believe to their core that every interaction - no matter how small - is a power struggle. So they have a lot of experience strategizing.

It’s best not to make assumptions about how others see you.
___________________________

Very much so. In the narcissist's world they are number one. They are the centre of attraction. Everything revolves around how they feel, what they want and what they do. Your only ever their spare fuel tank, for when they start to run low from all of this adoration they seek. Narcissists are so selfish and thoughtless, so deluded by thinking everyone loves them and how wonderful and popular they are, so caught up in themselves that they forget or rather don't even think for a minute that people are starting to see them for what they really are.

Give someone enough rope and they will hang themselves, is a saying that comes to mind with these type of people. People who narcissist's hurt and abuse, have one advantage over the narcissist, they begin to heal,… unlike the narcissist.

With this healing comes strength, education and the realisation that it's not themselves who were weak, but the very person they idolised. You're not weak because you love, care, have feelings, are considerate, thoughtful and all the other wonderful things that make you the special person you are. You're weak for having none of these, for using and abusing people for your own selfish needs. For not, or refusing to see, what damage you cause, without trying to turn it around and making out your the innocent party or the real victim, as the narcissist would tend to do.

Victims of narcissistic abuse eventually see both sides. They see the abuse they have suffered and endured in the name of love. But more importantly they see this person who they loved, for what that person really is. Once you see this, you are now in control with what you do with this new found knowledge.

The narcissistic partner or friend, if not aware of the homework you have done, has seriously underestimated your ability to grow and learn, whilst they still play. You have the power now to decide if you will do the discarding of them.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-underestimate-people-more-often-than-not

[tellomon]

 

[tellomon]

What is the difference between merely being selfish, and/or being a narcissistic personality type?

https://www.quora.com/unanswered/What-is-the-difference-between-merely-being-selfish-and-or-being-a-narcissistic-personality-type

[tellomon]

"Look what I found!"

What is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is often described as an “invisible” form of domestic violence since the abuse and trauma are not immediately apparent. It occurs when someone, for example, is forced to isolate from friends and loved ones or when they are prohibited from accessing their own bank account or other economic resources. In effect, the abuser is making the victim cut all ties to the outside world so the abuser can exert a significant level of control over the victim’s life and daily activities.

The term “coercive control” made its way into the mainstream in 2007 as a result of Dr. Evan Stark. He published a report describing coercive control as a pattern through which abusive partners (most oftentimes males) employed a combination of violence, intimidation, isolation, humiliation, and control to victimize their spouses or significant others.

When it comes to coercive control, the threat of physical violence is only one dimension within a complex interplay in an abusive relationship. To summarize “coercive control” Dr. Stark declared that it is not just what men do to women, but what men prevent women from doing for themselves.

California Courts Recognize Coercive Control as a Form of Domestic Abuse
Appellate Courts in California recognize coercive control as a form of domestic violence. For example, in McCord v. Smith (Cal.App.5th 2020), the Court specifically held that coercive and controlling behavior is a form of domestic violence under California’s restraining order laws.

In McCord, the Court stated that seemingly isolated events need to be evaluated in a broader context of the relationship to properly assess the “totality of circumstances” for purposes of issuing a restraining order. The Court in McCord highlighted a series of text messages sent from the abuser to the victim that threatened the victim’s peace of mind. The Court indicated that the evidence presented, when viewed in its totality, reflected a spouse intending to exert dominion and control over their significant other.

California Law Now Recognizes Coercive Control as Domestic Violence
Despite California Courts recognizing the concept of coercive control, there was no actual statutory prohibition against this form of domestic abuse. That changed in September 2020 when the Governor of California signed a bill into law clarifying the state’s Domestic Violence Prevention Act that coercive control constitutes a form of domestic abuse.

Specifically, the law amends Section 6320 of the Family Code so that “disturbing the peace of the other party” (which is grounds to obtain a DV Restraining order) includes coercive control. The California legislature unequivocally recognized that actions that result in the destruction of “mental or emotional calm” of a victim is a form of domestic abuse, even when there is no act of physical violence.

Statutory Definition of Coercive Control
Within the amended Section 6320, coercive control is defined as “a pattern of behavior that in purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with a person’s free will and personal liberty.” The statute goes on to include examples of coercive control. Those examples include the following:

Isolating the other party from friends, relatives, or other sources of support;
Depriving the other party of basic necessities;
Controlling, regulating, or monitoring the other party’s movements, communications, daily behavior, finances, economic resources, or access to services; and
Compelling the other party by force, threat of force, or intimidation, including threats based on actual or suspected immigration status, to engage in conduct from which the other party has a right to abstain or to abstain from conduct in which the other party has a right to engage.

https://castrolawoffices.com/blog/california-law-coercive-control-form-domestic-violence/#:~:text=Statutory%20Definition%20of%20Coercive%20Control,include%20examples%20of%20coercive%20control.

[tellomon]

What Is Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse, also called "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence", can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.

This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith or class.

Victims of domestic abuse may also include a child or other relative, or any other household member.

Domestic abuse is typically manifested as a pattern of abusive behavior toward an intimate partner in a dating or family relationship, where the abuser exerts power and control over the victim.

Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature. Incidents are rarely isolated, and usually escalate in frequency and severity. Domestic abuse may culminate in serious physical injury or death.

Are You Being Abused?
Look over the following questions to think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner.

Recognizing the signs of domestic abuse
Does your partner…

Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
Put down your accomplishments?
Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
Tell you that you are nothing without them?
Treat you roughly—grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
Blame you for how they feel or act?
Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
Make you feel like there is “no way out” of the relationship?
Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with friends or family?
Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?
 
Do you...

Sometimes feel scared of how your partner may behave?
Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behaviour?
Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
 
If any of these things are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without help, the abuse will continue. Making that first call to seek help is a courageous step.

 
Always remember...

NO ONE deserves to be abused. The abuse is not your fault. You are not alone.
DON’T worry about threats to your visa. We have information about visa options for your situation.
DON’T worry if you do not speak the local language. We can get you help in many Languages.
Power and Control Wheel

Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic abuse and violence and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the abuser, when reinforced by one or more acts of physical violence, make up a larger system of abuse. Although physical assaults may occur only once or occasionally, they instill the fear of future violent attacks and allow the abuser to take control of the victim's life and circumstances.

The Power & Control wheel is a particularly helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by an abuser to establish and maintain control over his/her partner or any other victim in the household. Very often, one or more violent incidents may be accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.

(Source: Developed by Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, Duluth, MN, https://www.theduluthmodel.org/)

Emotional abuse includes undermining a person's sense of self-worth through constant criticism; belittling one's abilities; name-calling or other verbal abuse; damaging a partner's relationship with the children; or not letting a partner see friends and family. You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
Does not trust you and acts in a jealous or possessive manner.
Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
Monitors where you go, whom you call and with whom you spend your time.
Does not want you to work.
Controls finances or refuses to share money.
Punishes you by withholding affection.
Expects you to ask permission.
Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
Humiliates you in any way.
Psychological abuse: involves causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner or children; destruction of pets and property; “mind games”; or forcing isolation from friends, family, school and/or work.

Financial or economic abuse: involves making or attempting to make a person financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding access to money, and/or forbidding attendance at school or employment.

Physical abuse: involves hurting or trying to hurt a partner by hitting, kicking, burning, grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hair-pulling, biting, denying medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use, or using other physical force. You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner:

Damages property when angry (throws objects, punches walls, kicks doors, etc.).
Pushes, slaps, bites, kicks or chokes you.
Abandons you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
Scares you by driving recklessly.
Uses a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
Forces you to leave your home.
Traps you in your home or keeps you from leaving.
Prevents you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
Hurts your children.
Uses physical force in sexual situations.
Sexual abuse: involves forcing a partner to take part in a sex act when the partner does not consent. You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:

Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
Has ever forced or manipulated you into having sex or performing sexual acts.
Holds you down during sex.
Demands sex when you are sick, tired or after beating you.
Hurts you with weapons or objects during sex.
Involves other people in sexual activities with you.
Ignores your feelings regarding sex.
Stalking involves any pattern of behavior that serves no legitimate purpose and is intended to harass, annoy, or terrorize the victim. Typical stalking activities include repeated telephone calls, unwelcome letters or gifts by mail, surveillance at work, home and other places that the victim is known to frequent. Stalking usually escalates.

For Survivors
No one deserves to be abused. The abuse is not your fault. You are not alone.
Contact the Critical Incident Stress Management Unit (CISMU) if you are concerned that you may be experiencing any form of abuse or are in fear for the safety of yourself or your children.
If English is not your first language, you can request a language you feel more comfortable speaking when contacting CISMU to provide support.
You can also see Support Organizations to identify and contact an appropriate resource for your assistance (for both US and International).
Read how you can protect your digital privacy.

https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/what-is-domestic-abuse#:~:text=Domestic%20abuse%2C%20also%20called%20%22domestic,control%20over%20an%20intimate%20partner.

[tellomon]

Emotional Abuse Is Now Considered Domestic Violence in Some States. Where Does California Stand?

In June 2021, Connecticut became the third state in the U.S. to expand its legal definition of domestic violence to include emotional abuse (the specific legal term is “coercive control”). Similar legislation is in the works in five more states. Under these expanded definitions, domestic violence protections are no longer just provided for specific instances of physical abuse, but also for a “pattern of behavior” that controls, intimidates, or isolates a victim. In other words, victims in states with “coercive control” laws can seek restraining orders against their abusers for alleged emotional abuse, not just physical violence or threats of violence.

So where does California stand in all this? Can you be accused of domestic violence against your spouse or partner on the grounds of emotional abuse in California? Let’s explore this issue further to see what we can discover.

What Is Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse can take many different forms, but generally, it is defined as any behavior that is designed to control, intimidate, or isolate another person. This might include threats, name-calling, put-downs, constant criticism, withholding affection or love as punishment, isolating a person from their friends and family, monitoring their movements and communications, or even controlling them financially.

In some cases, emotional abuse can also escalate to physical violence. For example, a partner who is constantly yelling at their partner or trying to control their every move might eventually resort to hitting them or keeping them from leaving the house.

Why States are Now Defining Emotional Abuse as Domestic Violence
One in four women and one in nine men in the U.S. have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. And while it’s difficult to obtain exact numbers, experts believe that emotional abuse is even more common than physical abuse in relationships.

The challenge is that emotional abuse is often more difficult to prove than physical abuse, and yet can be, in some cases, even more traumatizing than physical abuse. Furthermore, the laws of most states only allow victims of domestic violence to get protective orders against their abusers by proving specific instances of violence–so victims are often unable to get relief in cases of emotional abuse. Former Connecticut state senator Alex Kasser, the lead sponsor of the coercive control bill in Connecticut, put it this way: “Many victims say that the invisible forms of domestic violence—coercive control— are more terrifying than physical violence. It’s time to update our systems and beliefs to reflect this reality.”

Where California Stands
California has long been at the front of the pack, strengthening its laws to protect domestic violence victims. For example, California was the first state to make stalking a crime and the first state to make cyberstalking a crime. It should come as little surprise that in California, you can be charged for any number of domestic violence crimes without ever making physical contact with the alleged victim. Many of these crimes fall within the definition of emotional abuse or occur within the context of such abuse. Examples include:

Stalking (PC 646.9)–harassing a person or acting toward them in a way that makes them fear for their safety.

Criminal threats (PC 422)–threatening a person with death or serious bodily harm, and doing it in a way that makes them fear they are in imminent danger.

Aggravated trespass (PC 601)–entering a person’s home or workplace without permission with the intent of fulfilling a criminal threat.

Cyber harassment–inflicting emotional distress via the Internet or other digital forms of communication (e.g., revenge porn).

California’s “Coercive Control” Law
Given California’s aggressive stance on all forms of domestic violence, it’s also not surprising that it was the second state to pass a “coercive control” law (after Hawaii and just before Connecticut). This law, which took effect in January 2021, defines coercive control as “a pattern of behavior that unreasonably interferes with a person’s free will and personal liberty and includes, among other things, unreasonably isolating a victim from friends, relatives, or other sources of support.” It does not specifically identify coercive control as a crime (mainly because it’s difficult to categorize a “pattern of behavior” as a crime). However, it does expand protections for victims of domestic emotional abuse by allowing them to seek protective orders on the grounds of this “pattern of behavior.”

Why would California pass a coercive control law when it already criminalizes many acts of emotional abuse as domestic violence? Because as with other states, up to this point, victims of domestic violence could only seek injunctive relief against their abusers over specific acts of emotional abuse, and if they could not prove those specific actions, it could be difficult to get a judge to approve a protective order. With this new law in place, accusers no longer have to make their case based on specific actions, but they can obtain a protective order by demonstrating a general pattern of emotional abuse.

What It Means for the Accused
In the State of California, it has been possible for a long time to be charged with a crime related to emotional abuse. In that regard, nothing has changed. What the coercive control law does is simply make it easier for a spouse or significant other to accuse you of emotional abuse and get a protective order against you–whether or not you’re ever charged with a crime. A protective order on its own can be highly disruptive to your life–forcing you from your home, disrupting your custody rights, and potentially impacting your ability to make a living or hold a professional license.

https://www.losangelescriminaldefenseattorneyblog.com/emotional-abuse-is-now-considered-domestic-violence-in-some-states-where-does-california-stand/

[tellomon]

.

[tellomon]

If in doubt of a narcissist, know that it's All for show!
They are very charming when they need something!
The 4 Biggest Times a
Narcissist’s Mask Falls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F81d3mDf-hE

[tellomon]

What does it mean when a
narcissist doesn’t bother to talk to you after the discard?

To put it bluntly, it means that you were given a get out of jail free card from your narc but your addiction to narc is still rampant. If you let your ex narc know how badly you’re missing him you just fueled them by letting them know they still have you hooked. Your ex is waiting for you to chase after them so they can continue f*cking with your heart, mind and soul.

Your discard was very hard and painful but hopefully you learned some valuable lessons especially in the area of setting boundaries. Yeah, you still miss your narc but realize that you were trauma bonded to a toxic relationship and chances are if you weren’t discarded you’d probably never leave. I also hung on to the belief that my ex narc would eventually change but knowing what I know now, that won’t happen.

Remember, people don’t discard people they love, they discard people they use.

Focus on yourself and go no contact forever. Narcs freak out when their discarded target just vanishes because narc needed you a hell of a lot more than you need them. Lastly, if you think narc made your life hell before discard just go back for round two and your hell will become super hell!
_____________________________

They don’t bother to talk to any of us after the discard. They hate you and are done with you, that’s the point of the discard lol. That and they’re too busy with your replacement celebrating and sexing the nights away. Don’t you know what a discard is for? They’re not your friend. They hate you and have thrown you away like trash on purpose.
____________________________

It means that 1. They’ve found a shiny, new supply and you’re a distant memory in their rear view mirror or, 2. You were devalued and discarded and are no longer worthy of their time & attention. But make no mistake, the hoover’s will come; in one month or one year or sometime in between. They’ll come.

You must never, ever respond, not in kind or in malice. Your words only give them fuel, which is why they hoovered in the first place. The biggest, most painful narc injury is…..silence. As far as he/she knows, you’ve dropped off the face of the earth.

Who cares if the narcissist is quiet, YOU be the one who is quiet.
____________________________

It means you have been given a great gift. Hoping to be contacted again by someone who has abused you is like hoping your cancer will metastasize. Don’t wish for it, and be grateful for every day of freedom you have.

https://explorenarcissism.quora.com/What-does-it-mean-when-a-narcissist-even-doesn-t-bother-to-talk-to-you-after-the-discard

[tellomon]

COMING SOON

YOU are the Treat.

[tellomon]

Are narcissists aware that they wear a mask?

The only time a narcissist is aware that they wear a mask is when something very traumatic happens to them and they are “broken open”. This is also the only time when they can make moves to recover from their personality disorder.

Other than that the answer is “No”.

A narcissist is not aware and would never want to be aware of their mask. The “construct”, mask or “false persona” is what keeps them together. Without it they are nothing. Behind the mask is a very weak and insecure person . Under no conditions would they want anyone including themselves to be aware of this.
______________________________

How many narcissists announced to you that they don’t keep their promises, don’t really care about anyone else, and are trying to appease you so that you would trust them then once you’re hooked they will show you who they are, and then lie about it, feigning victim so that you’ll feel guilty?

Well, that person wasn’t wearing a mask. The rest are masked.

Awareness is a funny thing, people are usually only aware of the things they care about. They don’t care to see things your way unless they’re duping you, and once they’ve duped you they don’t care to frame it as them being terrible, instead, they’re aware that they are winners.

They are aware of what they want, they are aware of how to get it, including when to lie and how to keep their lies straight, and they are aware of when they receive it and what they want to do with it.

So their awareness of what's happened and what they’re doing will never validate or look like your awareness. It will be framed around what it means to them.
______________________________

Narcissists often exhibit a complex relationship with self-awareness. Many narcissists may not fully recognize that they are wearing a "mask" or presenting a facade to the world. Their self-image is typically inflated, and they may genuinely believe they are superior or more deserving than others, which can blind them to their own behaviors and the impact they have on others.

However, some narcissists might have a degree of awareness about their manipulative tactics and the persona they project. They might understand that they are not being entirely genuine but justify their actions as necessary for achieving their goals or protecting themselves from vulnerability.

In summary, while some narcissists may have an awareness of their mask, others may not, and their understanding is often influenced by their level of insight and the specific context of their behavior.

https://www.quora.com/Are-narcissists-aware-that-they-wear-a-mask

[tellomon]

When God's Curse Visits A Narcissist And Causes Suffering

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKDpzkPgpXk

[tellomon]

5 Signs Someone in Your Life Was Sent by the Devil

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64rjs3A5LSY

[tellomon]

You are dealing with a child....
It will never be meaningful or authentic.
HOW CAN THE NARCISSIST
BEHAVE THIS WAY

@healing1106
1 day ago
Addiction freaks, adrenaline junkies, smart phones, can never sit still, always on the go,  always planning and breaking plans, looking for the next new shiny object.  Dealing with all of that was just like Andrew said....a one way ticket to destructionville....HELL, and I made it back from Hell, but I had to find the strength to pick myself up and try.  This channel made that happen for me, and I believe it was divine intervention.  Blessings to all who listen and apply the wisdom gained here!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xty8vFKiSoM

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists get
angry so quickly?

They get angry quickly with their target, as a form of manipulation/control.

It seems they have ‘lost' their temper, but in actual fact, they know exactly what they are doing, they know how intimidating they are being, and that is the whole point.

A narcissist rage/temper tantrum is used simply to get their own way. If it wasn't so frightening, and often dangerous to the victim, depending on how far the narc will take his rage, often to violence, it would be amusing. Just like a two year old throwing a paddy because they didn't get their favourite candy.

If you take notice, this ‘temper' very rarely rears it's ugly head when he is in the company of others. He will be charming, amenable, laid back, a perfect gentleman.

He saves his intimidating behaviour for behind closed doors.

These monsters are cruel, calculating and manipulative to their very core. Rage is just another weapon of control.

Please note, I used He, as experienced in my own relationship. It is interchangeable with She.
____________________________

Because they're not getting their way. They truly believe their way is the only way. So when challenged they become combative.

Or because you've questioned their actions. They live to harm people. And when we have discovered this behavior, we as normal people tend to ask questions. The narc will deflect this by throwing a fit just like a toddler does when caught doing something wrong. In fact, toddlers and narcs are quite similar in many areas.

Another reason they become angry is they're sensing you're extremely close to pulling that mask down. Pulling the mask off is a situation that they never want to be in. They have built this charade for years, and to distract you from revealing who they truly are inside, they'll become increasingly hostile in an attempt to confuse you.

The last reason I've personally seen a narc get super psycho over is losing their main supply. Once they've caught on to that supply making their exit, it becomes a war zone.

Deflection and deception is their main focus. If you're experiencing this then you have successfully pulled that grotesque mask off, or you've been made aware of the nasty behavior they've inflicted upon you or a loved one. Either way, no contact is the main goal. They will never change. Ever.
____________________________

Narcissists don’t have a big range of emotional coping skills. A neuro-typical will weigh options, think about outcomes, perhaps try different approaches before becoming angry. For a Narcissist, those types of thoughts are not within their capabilities.

A Narcissist lives in a near-constant state of terror that they will be “found out,” be declared, “unworthy,” and judged lacking. Their reactions to things are usually highly polarized, as they lack “Object Constancy,” and “Whole Object Relations.” They see things as either “wonderful! Awesome!” or they are “pathetic, worthless!”

Someone once told me that anger was simply fear being expressed. I’ve come to believe that is true. When anyone becomes fearful, the Fight or Flight system is kicked into overdrive. All humans will do one of two things…. we will flee or we will react with fear-based anger.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-get-angry-so-quickly

[tellomon]

What do narcissistic
survivors gain?

Increased knowledge of what’s actually in the world.

Increased knowledge of man’s capacity for evil, and how to discern it.

Increased strength of character once you piece yourself back together.

Increased self-knowledge.

Increased sense of direction in life.

Increased ability to forecast situations in life and dodge the bullets.

Increased understanding of other people’s predicaments and potential.

Increased ability to wisely and practically counsel others unfortunate enough to encounter such evil.

Good question - focus on the positive - and it was very cathartic listing those… I feel almost blessed to have been through it, numerous times, so I must be on the mend.
________________________________

To me the biggest benefit of surviving a narcissist is that you finally can confront your own issues.

Too many of us survivors like to play the victim and place all the blame on the narcissist. While we really may have been abused by a narc, at the same we allowed it to happen to us and many of us refuse to recognize that second part.

Narcissists do not exist in a vacuum. They need the Ying to their Yang in order to survive and thrive. Often times we forget that we were the Ying and refuse to confront our own issues. Then we run right out to make the same (or similar) mistake again and again.

Looking back at my own relationship, all of the signs were there. I was just so desperate for it to work that I ignored them all. Over my 24 year marriage I made so many accommodations and gave away so much of myself, that when it ended I barely knew who I was and what I was about.

Getting divorced forced me to confront my own issues. I am no longer so desperate to the point of ignoring my own needs. I confronted my need to be loved at any cost, even my own life. No longer will I allow myself to be used and abused at my own expense.

I have opened my eyes and seeing things for what they are. I am enjoying life for my own benefit and not some one else’s.
__________________________

Many of the survivors that I have seen have rich and nourishing inner lives. Many become "seekers of a higher reality" and develop curiosity about spiritual or philosophical matters. While not all have eschewed the material world many are very self-sufficient and low maintenance lifestyles.
_______________________________

After you heal, you become a more empathic human being because you touched rock bottom and was able to rise. And so you may have a better idea what others may be going through.

God blessed me with becoming more human and human everyday. Perhaps my ego is much less powerful nowadays and feel that life can be really awesome if we live it in a simple manner.

I showed the narcissist that I won the game. He played all types of evil games, and here I am stronger than ever before.

I learnt the lesson in a very tough way and there is no way I will ever date a narcissist ever again nor be within a mile of another one.

I have gathered enough experience and knowledge to share it here on Quora so that people won’t have to suffer as much as I did.

Money is no longer that important. Today’s society is obsessed with material things.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-narcissistic-survivors-gain

[tellomon]

They are SNAKES IN THE GRASS!
10 Biggest Secrets a Narcissist Doesn’t Want You To Know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XsOL8my1ms

[tellomon]

                                   

[tellomon]

Does the smear campaign against you always occur with narcissists?

Oh yeah.

They can’t have people actually LISTENING to the truth because their warped sense of reality is the only truth that should be believed.

In the ending of a normal relationship, the new partner only hears that they didn’t get a long and that the couple split.

In the ending of a narcissistic relationship, all you hear is how much they were wronged and how deplorable the ex partner is.

All the friends in a regular relationship only really hear that they went their separate ways and decided to split.

The “friends” of a narcissist will hear hate and lies spread so thickly it’s like peanut butter on bread.
_______________________________

The smear campaign is most certainly initiated as soon as the first devaluation or discard cycles begin. You can see the smear even begin before these phases if there’s a way for the NPD personality to triangulate between you and other supply / fuel sources— other believers in his cult Of The Perfect Victim.

“Look— she is so moody, crazy, mean, weird—-“ to his circle and even your family. There’s no way to avoid this phase. Then love bombing will reoccur. If you’ve decided to leave, and he cannot Hoover you back, then “The Smear” will intensify. FULL FORCE. This is when you find out who your true friends are. This is when you find out who his flying monkeys are.

This is when you make a decision to stay and be abused mentally— perhaps physically—- and for sure psychologically, or you get out and stay out. You have to stop worrying about what he says —what he does —what he believes— what he projects on the others about you and about himself. Be done. Get some good counseling, and please get out and stay out.

Good luck and peace be with you, always. He won’t change (or she) so you must be done. Go no contact.
________________________________

The smear campaign starts right at the beginning, you just didn’t know it went back that far.

How to deal with it? As hard and upsetting as it is, ignore it, don’t say anything.

The narcissist has set you up to look insane, a liar and an abuser so most people won’t believe what you have to say which feels even worse.

I defended myself once, to a neighbor who told me what my narc ex was saying about me, I was so mad and upset, as soon as I started defending myself, I just knew it was a mistake, the way the neighbor was looking at me… that bothered me for a long time so after that, I said nothing to anyone.

Very often, as time goes by, normal people start to notice things about the narc that are “just not quite right..” as more than a few people told me, “There’s something about that guy.” I still said nothing, just shook my head, yep!
__________________________________

When you’re with a narcissistic in the beginning, once they get you hooked and get bored with you, is that when kind of smear campaign starts against you?

The smear campaign doesn't start until they need it.

What I mean by that is the moment they somehow start to look bad as far as your relationship goes is the moment they pull out the smear campaign. During the love bombing stage and the hoovering stage they're amazing.

My idea of an ideal partner. Loving caring giving forgiving, and no negativity is needed. But when you start to question certain behaviors of theirs, or they start trying to change you and you won't comply, that's when it gets interesting. When you start to question them about some of their behaviors, that's when the smear campaign begins slowly.

See you're still with them and as long as they still have somebody giving them everything they want they have to keep holding on to you. But they may drop a few negative comments about you here and there to their friends or even to your friends. Just enough to kinda maybe start changing the way some people think about you.

Once they're off with her new fling and some more of the truth come out about them that's when the real smear campaign starts. That's where they pull out all the stops. They will say absolutely anything to anyone... Especially to your friends. To anyone who will listen.

The moment they start to look bad in any way is the moment they decide they need to make you look worse.
_______________________________

Short answer: My friend the narcissist smear campaign started the very first day that you met this demon. It is the cursed tongues of the snake pit that you were involved in with the narcissist and his narcissist family. You were being talked about the entire time behind your back and you were not even aware of it.

So, why should the smear campaign affect you now? Well, that’s because you had no idea that you were surrounded by demonic individuals who do not have your best interest in anyways. Now that you are aware of this snake pit the best advice, I could give you is to walk away silently and never allow these demons around you nor your friend circle that you trust ever again.

Do not allow them to have access to your life ever again. These demons are reckless, psychotic, demonic, unjustified, who have no self-worth, malicious, pure evil, and do not like you at all. They do not feel any remorse for the evil deeds in causing problems in your life through their malicious gossip hounds, and their precious flying monkeys that do their dirty work full of darkness.

So, “BLOCK! BLOCK! BLOCKITY BLOCK!!!! every one of these demon's out of your life because they are petty spineless abusers who will not benefit you in any way shape or form. Good luck as you heal and recover your reputation from the smear campaign. I will be praying for your speedy recovery. There are 8 million other people on this planet waiting to love and treat you like the loving human being that you are:)

https://www.quora.com/Does-the-smear-campaign-against-you-always-occur-with-narcissists

*****************************

10/11/2016 6:06AM
Luka Luciano
Luka
fyi sherry has been talking sh!t about you saying your a freeloader living off her lazy bum drunk...she is spending night with kevin in vta says she made you sleep in her rv not in a relation ship any more planning to give you the boot. a conspiracy pretty low that is why i am writing hate cheaters liars backstabbers lame ass way to do things she made herself out as a victim not cool...

********************************

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

What makes a narcissist
choose his victims?

They choose genuine people. They choose people they want to be like. Then behind your back they imitate you (steal your identity) while simultaneously smearing your name and reputation. They have done their research on you. They stalk and are extremely nosey.
_____________________________

They are both attracted and disgusted by strong and successful people with just a smidgen of self-esteem or family trauma. Attracted because those people are strong and admirable. They elevate you just having them in your orbit - but that’s the rub.

Narcissists hate themselves and protect themselves from that hate by conjuring a larger than life character who is confident and charming. Reality is they hate you because you have all those nice things - empathy, confidence. They don’t have those things, so because they can’t, they need to bring you down a peg or two million.

They will slowly and carefully set about addicting you to their charm while they plot ways to encourage you to kill yourself. It really is that bad. If you do find yourself in this situation trust your gut and run!
________________________________

Yes they do.

If you've been the victim of narcissist abuse then you'll remember they asked you a lot of questions during the honeymoon period.

They were actually interviewing you to see if you'd tolerate their crap. They love people who have a past history of being abused bc they know they'll tolerate abuse.

This is what flying monkeys are. They are people who have been abused and subconsciously find somebody to abuse them, so the narc picks up on it and uses them to their advantage.

This is why I say that a narc cannot abuse somebody who refuses to be abused and sets very strict boundaries.

Self professed predators admit that they look for people with weak boundaries bc they're easy to manipulate.
_______________________________

You were chosen because you were supplying what the narcissist needed. I suspect they started off treating you with respect and care?

This isn’t a hunting game, where they go out in search of that one perfect victim. They need and require some kind of positive (to them) emotional support to off-set the fact they can’t produce positive self values for themselves.

A narcissist is like a bucket with a hole in it. Every day they must source enough supply to fill the bucket. Every day it leaks out. Keeping the bucket full is a daily job they must find some kind of supply to fill.

When a victim stops ‘being the supply’ the narcissist will go and seek out someone else.

You weren’t ‘chosen’. You just fit their requirement at that time.
__________________________________

You can be sure if you are kind, authentic, genuine and intelligent, you are a mark for the Narcissist.

The smarter and more intelligent you are, the more you will attract the person with NPD. Why that happens is because the Narcissist is a great mimic. They know they have no real empathy so they sniff out those that do for their supply. They will copy and imitate your authentic traits so that when you engage with them, you are led to believe you are on the same page. That’s what they want you to think. However nothing about them is sincere or real and certainly, never authentic. They are mimicking you and who you are.
__________________________________

Whatcha got? A house they can squat in? A car they can “borrow”? Money? A credit card? A vagina? A mouth?

It might be monetary or to fluff up their ego. Are you the booty call or the rent check? Do they only call you after 11 pm? Are they gonna get ya next time with the their half? This b!tch use to ask me to watch his kids for him then go on a date!

Maybe you're the friend they text a picture of themselves ever so often to “get your opinion” on their outfit. Or do they only call when they need a ride to the airport?

Narcissists are the ultimate opportunists. They pick stuff, not people.

Don't give them sh*t!

https://www.quora.com/What-makes-a-narcissist-choose-his-victims