Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

Page 28

Do narcissists knowingly and purposefully hurt their partners, why?

They will never admit that they are Narks, but by all means they intentionally go out of their way to make your life as miserable as possible.
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Yes, absolutely.

They target you because they want to watch you fall from grace and know it's because of them.

They want to see your suffering, they want to see you die slowly.

They want to watch your body slowly fall apart, they want to watch your mind slowly come unraveled.

They want to watch it as you start using drugs in order to cope with their abuse.

They want to watch your sadness as they program your children against you.

They want to watch you as you scream in pain and wish they would just get back to who they were.

Who they were in the beginning was just a projection of who you are to trick you into their web of torture.

That's it, absolutely nothing else…

You may think that they target you because you're kind, beautiful, wonderful person, empathetic…NOPE

They want to destroy all those things about you, they see goodness and kindness as weakness and stupid.

They want to rob you of your life savings, your dignity, your respect, your goodness, your kindness, and your empathy.

They want to burn everything about you and laugh in your face while they are doing it..

They want to completely destroy you.

Save yourself and get out of the relationship now.
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Imagine, if you will, a very, very bad driver. They have a long history of running people down without remorse - over twenty hit and runs and counting.

Whenever questioned about it, they deflect the blame -

“I was running late for the dentist, which is why I drove at 60 miles an hour through downtown".

“My windshield was cracked at that spot so I didn't see them”.

“The old lady shouldn’t have been crossing there".

“How am I supposed to dodge a pregnant lady driving her pram straight at my car!”

“Its not my fault my instructor didn't teach me how to avoid groups of school children when I'm drunk".

“He made a very hurtful comment as he bounced off my hood, nobody asks me how I am!"

On and on the terrible driver goes, mowing down person after person. Its never their fault, and they never improve their driving. Do they know they hurt people? Do they mean to hurt people?

That doesn't matter.
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YES THEY DO.

It is who they are…it is their nature.

And they enjoy it very much, your suffering is actually what makes them feel good.

I’ve lived around these people my entire life and I have noticed this is the case.

Many of you can’t fathom someone who was the love of your life is now a monster who could absolutely care less about your existence and loves to watch you fail because of THEM.

It’s unspeakable to you that someone like this could actually exist.

Well, the truth is that EVIL does exist on planet earth and you are now a witness to it.

It’s a betrayal and destruction like no other on this planet.

The devil is in the details.
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Think about it this way. They envy you. You are the light that people are drawn to. They want to be you but can’t. So instead they’ll destroy you. Make people hate you. Bring you down. Because if they do, they’ll be better than you. It’ll make them feel better about themselves. It truly is evil and you won’t see it coming.
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Yes all the time and every time. They are not interested in love. Love for them is no motivation.

They are our precise opposites. For them to survive and thrive, they must destroy us. The more destruction they create, their ego will feel more powerful.

Now if I come at you directly telling you my wish to destroy, you will run far away from me. So they use deceit and manipulation to reach their goal.

So to remove narcissism from this planet, we should starve narcissists from destroying us.

For a good human being, depression should mean learning lessons and becoming more true to the self.

For narcissists, depression means deprivation. They are weaklings unable to face the self and so become more desperate to hurt us.
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They don’t necessarily know they are a narcissist. Especially because that would take an actual diagnosis to be completely sure of. This would be very difficult because they would never get diagnosed because they don’t think they have anything wrong with them (everyone else is he problem).

So no, they do not usually know that they are a narcissist. But do they know they are hurting people? Yes. 100%. That is what makes their game so much fun for them. They enjoy the pain they can cause because it means THEY were the ones who could cause such damage to someone. It makes them feel powerful to know they have so much control over another person. And it is all very very intentional.
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To gain total control of their mind, body and spirit. Their intention from the time that they meet you is to be the best imposter they can be. The Narc that you meet will only be this great person until he knows he can control you.

Then, Mr. WONDERFUL disappears, never to be seen again and the monster shows his true colors and intentions. With their newly gained control over you, the games of shame will crank up. They strip you of your mind and self-esteem. Destroy your heart. This is all done with the control they now have from breaking you.
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The narcissist is aware they're a torturer. It could be you that is not aware of what they are. You may merely think of them as vain, or as having problems with “object relations”, or some guff about staring at reflections or wounded children.

They know what they are. It's just you who cannot face it.
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They don’t care. This is hard to explain, because you could say “yes” and you could also say “no”, but either answer is going to be interpreted through your perspective, which is not their perspective. Even saying “They don’t care” does not convey how they experience this, because you look at it from what it would mean for YOU to not care if you were hurting someone. It’s not the same kind of “don’t care”.

They don’t understand what it means to hurt someone. They only understand how it makes THEM feel to control someone else’s emotions. They have little to no empathy. They don’t understand that you have feelings outside of how your reactions make them feel. They know that they’re hurting you, but they are not emotionally mature enough to relate to what that even means. It’s a vague concept. And it’s a concept that they couldn’t care less about. Your feelings are not even an after thought.

They can see you crying. They can see you are upset. But there is no “you” behind the tears. Your tears only exist to either make them feel powerful, annoyed or indifferent. Other than how THEIR feelings are affected by your displays of emotion, nothing else exists.

You aren’t a real person. Only they are. You display emotion, but only they have feelings. They are the only thing that matters. You are a prop in a movie about them. You are a thing that does stuff for them. They are the sun and you are a planet. They are the star of the movie and you are an extra. You aren’t real. You don’t matter. You only exist to serve their needs.

Do they know they’re hurting you? They don’t even understand that question. Why would it matter?

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/Do-narcissists-knowingly-and-purposefully-hurt-their-partners-why

[tellomon]

Sadistic type narcissist use this tactic of leaving you hanging or simmering when you need to discuss things on your mind or in your heart. They will easily talk to you when they need something, but anything you need they just can’t bother and when they know it bothers you.

They make sure to continue to invalidate you and watch you squirm. Sometimes you may even feel angry that you are being invalidated and they will then point to your reactions as “crazy”, “abusive” or just act like they don’t hear you, or even disappear because you were starting a fight.

It’s all so dehumanizing to be treated like your thoughts, feelings and needs are not important enough to be validated by someone who claimed to love you. This is the crazy making of narcissistic abuse. It’s best to leave these relationships and find people who are authentic and can reciprocate your generous heart back to you. Keep healing survivors.

[tellomon]

What happens when you finally stand up for yourself and say what's on your mind to a narcissist?

You will find yourself paying a vey high price, that’s for sure. It’s not a joke, as some have mentioned. They will make you pay, even if they, “allow,” you to speak your mind at first. You will pay.
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Narcissists get offended when you stand up for yourself. Narcissists take it as an insult; it hurts their egos. You have challenged narcissists. Deep inside, they fear losing control and authority over you. Narcissists will use all their tactics to get control over you.

Narcissists will try to gaslight you into believing that you are the problem. Don't fall for it. They are very disturbed individuals; they believe everyone should operate in ways that make them comfortable. Let them be uncomfortable and alone in their world of fantasy, envy, and the need to micromanage and control others who threaten them. You set your boundaries and continue making them suffer.

Leaving narcissists is very important too; being with narcissists and standing up for yourself will bring more problems to you from their side.
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They turn it all around and make everything you’re saying - your fault.

Then - they become the victim, with the ‘oh poor me’ song-and-dance; blaming you for why they are hurt so bad by all that you’re saying.

Ohhhhhh - you are about to open Pandora’s Box.
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They’ll feel threatened and be angry. Then they’ll unleash whatever brand of npd is their specialty. You might get the disappearing act, the stone cold act or maybe the talk that ends with you apologizing. You’ll get to know their predictable pattern of BS. Their narc supply is insecure when you stand up for yourself. There isn’t room for both of you to have your needs met, in fact your narc doesn’t know or care what your needs are, except how they pertain to getting what they want from you.

Once you’ve identified a true npd, the only thing you can do is put as much distance between you and them as possible. They are the mud, you are the lotus.
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I did this recently, and it has been akin to opening the gates to hell, she has gone to a full on attack on my mental health..she told me two weeks ago that I had to move out, but not until after Christmas.. because its family time… We have two teenage children. So I registered with some accommodation agencies. I told her I had done so, and now she is denying ever having said I had to move out. Now it's got to the point where I can't even think straight.

My advice, make sure you're in a strong enough place, mentally, to deal with the fallout. I thought I was mentally strong enough, I now doubt that is the case.
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Well, this is an important question, because, what will happen afterwards can be a major traumatic event, or a series of traumatic events.

What I want to say, first of all, if you have to, at a point, do this to anyone, you have been doing it wrong. Because, you should be up front and honest about your feelings as soon as red flags, or questions arise, concerning the ways things are playing out.

It should never be built-up.

You should never just pacify anyone. Especially, your significant other! Or hold back what you want to say even once. Everything should be dealt with on the spot of the moment in question.

The biggest mistake I made was allowing any type of behavior that I didn't like continue. To be particularly honest, because I did allowed it, I have chalked up the failed relationship to being 100% my fault. This is paramount in any relationship to label and talk about any concern, as it happens. No - if, ands or buts!

With that being said, when you finally do stand up and say something you can probably expect a few different things.

Everything can be projected back to you in a way you ain't going to like or be able to deal with easily. They will shove it right back and in a crack that they found a long time ago. They have been analyzing you from day 1 and they know what you are weak too. They don't even use it til it's effective.

Now this varies with each person. And it is not only a narcissist that will do it. If a person has ill will towards you and has been hiding their true intentions they can act in the same way. So, don't think everyone is a narcissist. Because, that is super popular now. Just see that it may be a person that is deceptive.

So be careful when you come at someone, especially if you haven't from the very start of the unwanted behavior. Because, built up aggression can be misdirected and not used effectively if not handled on the spot.

This is very important. This is a big deal because then emotions get in the way and you can leave yourself vulnerable when you least expect it. Because, you where trying to tell them they were wrong. They can push this right back at you and make it stick harder. Trust me!

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/What-happens-when-you-finally-stand-up-for-yourself-and-say-whats-on-your-mind-to-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

27 Inspirational Quotes
To Live By That Remind You To Always Stand Up
For The Truth

1. "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." — The Lorax

2. "We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." — Elie Wiesel

3. "Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, and others make it happen." — Michael Jordan

4. "Strong people stand up for themselves, but stronger people stand up for others." — Suzy Kassem

5. "The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything." — Albert Einstein

6. "What's the point of having a voice if you're gonna be silent in those moments you shouldn't be?" — Angie Thomas, "The Hate U Give"

7. "How much of human life is lost in waiting." — Ralph Waldo Emerson

8. "A real man will be honest no matter how painful the truth is. A coward hides behind lies and deceit." — Iona Mink

9. "If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter." — George Washington

10. "I would rather die fighting for what is right than live passively amidst all that is wrong." — Suzy Kassem

11. "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." — Martin Luther King, Jr.

12. "In a world that demands you to obey the wrong rules: Being rebellious is right." — Jenna Galbut

13. "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." — Mark Twain

14. "I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who is for or against. I'm a human being, first and foremost, and as such I'm for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole." — Malcolm X

15. "The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a section gang, a football field, in an army, or in an office." — Dwight D. Eisenhower

16. "Stand for what is right. Even if it means standing alone." — Suzy Kassem

17. "You must never be fearful about what you are doing when it is right." — Rosa Parks

18. "Courage isn't having the strength to go on — it is going on when you don't have strength." — Napoleon Bonaparte

19. "Your silence gives consent." — Plato

20. "Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder." — Rumi

21. "It takes nothing to join the crowd. It takes everything to stand alone." — Hans F. Hansen

22. "Don't ever let anyone break your soul. You have to stand on your own two feet and fight. There are those who would give anything to see you fall, never give them the satisfaction, hold your head up high, put a smile on your face, and stand your ground." — The One Who Never Backs Down

23. "I am fire — if you want something salty and sweet, with no opinion, I am not the woman for you. I spit flames, often." — Janne Robinson

24. "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." — Albert Einstein

25. "Being able to admit you're wrong is important, but so is standing up for yourself when you're right." — Suzy Kassem

26. "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." — Dumbledore

27. "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." — Winston Churchill

https://www.yourtango.com/2018320349/best-inspirational-quotes-stand-up-what-you-believe-in

[tellomon]

Standing up for yourself is self preservation, standing up
for others is act of nobility.
The Courage To Stand Up To A Narcissist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zKTI5VOM8k

False self is Ego and True Self is the Spirit of God - 
Spiritual War of Good vs. Evil.
When You Stand Up To The Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUxLTF_Z8TI

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

If the actions don't match the words...
Just walk and never look back.
Stop Projecting Onto Narcissists
~Protect Yourself~

In this episode, The Little Shaman discusses dynamics
with pathologically narcissistic personalities.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufzcIndJF8E

[tellomon]

It's just wild, and also extremely frustrating that most people have absolutely no idea on earth (and can't begin to fathom or believe it's possible when we try explaining) how extreme/serious REAL NPD truly is. It makes US sound like the crazy one!
Rules In Narcissistic Relationships

@nopereradicator
8 months ago
A few of the rules:
Don’t talk about my crazy.
Have no expectations of me.
Don’t ask me any questions.
Rules are for you. I do what I feel.
What’s yours is mine. What’s mine is mine.


@NarcSurvivor
8 months ago
Any rules are typically double standards, where you’re not allowed to have any boundaries. Yet they keep their lives very private. So they can judge and criticise you and demand for you to conform to their expectations. While you can’t do the same for them. Everything is one-sided in a narcissistic relationship. There’s no space for you to even exist as a separate individual, because it’s just all about them.


@sa2417
8 months ago
They have a warped sense of reality but they know what they’re doing is unacceptable, hence their covert mode and the normal act in public.


@cleonagretelgodinho2881
8 months ago (edited)
One thing I’ve noticed is that they see everything as winning or losing. If you get your food before them they have lost. If they miss a chance to sit in the front because they were late they have lost. If you are crying and they are happy they have won. It's all about winning and if they lose then you will pay the price for it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhF4yRaJ1qs

[tellomon]

Do narcissists ever care?

Yes! There are 3 main things that mean the world to the Narcissist, because if they don’t have at least 2 of these things going for them, in their eyes, they have nothing. The things Narcissists care about are very self-serving and superficial. But they are a true reflection of their Narcissistic Insecurity and the emptiness they have inside.

1. Image.

So, the first thing that means the world to the Narcissist is their image. The way they look, dress, etc. Image is everything to a Narcissist. Sociopaths, on the other hand, would have no issues rolling out of bed and walking to a corner shop all ruffled and unkept because they do not care how they look or how they are perceived. They make an effort only when it suits them.

But Narcissists, especially in their prime years, are obsessed with looking good and appearing to have it all. The Covert Narcissist, specifically, is very strategic with what they allow people to see about them. When they walk out of that door, they see it as a performance. Everything has to be in line with the image that they are trying to push.

Narcissists invest time, money, and energy to look good and get people to think quite highly of them. Everything they do is to improve their reputation and status. And the only people who get to see behind the disguise are those closest to them like their partners and children.

2. Narcissistic Supply.

The second thing that means the world to the Narcissist is their Narcissistic Supply, which usually comes as a result of that fake image that they have created. They need attention, compliments, and praise to feel good about themselves. They need to know that they are loved by the masses and held in high esteem. They also need that dark Narcissistic supply that they get from hurting and betraying those that they claim to love.

And in order to get this, they have to deceive people into getting into a relationship with them. The amount of effort the Narcissist puts into getting their Narcissistic Supply is enough proof to show how much it matters to them. With Narcissists, people are just a means to an end, and that is why they are not able to truly love or care for anyone. Because all they want from us is their Narcissistic Supply. It makes them feel powerful and in control.

3. Money & Power.

The third thing the Narcissist cares about is Money and Power. Money helps them to boost their fake image and purchase more and more stuff to distract from their miserable existence and try to make themselves happy. They refuse to accept that money cannot buy happiness. So, they are driven to be successful so that they can have more.

They have also realized that with more money, they can have control over more people. They can use their finances to keep certain people in their lives. And with money, as with everything else, the Narcissist cannot have enough and is never satisfied with what they have. With more money comes more power, and Narcissists take pleasure in controlling the lives of people and being feared.

Narcissists are weak, insecure, and highly dependent on the people around them to make them feel better about themselves or distract from their inner turmoil. So, they do care about their fake image as this is their green card to get access to more people. And more people mean more Narcissistic Supply. Narcissistic Supply is the Narcissist’s fuel for life. And finally, money and power are tools to help them gain even more control, maintain their image and provide further Narcissistic Supply.
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No, not unless it involved them 100 pct. my ex would ask me the same thing three or four times. I finally told him maybe if you saved your old texts from me you would know. If I talked about me or problems I was having he would say get out of your feelings. He never cared. Why? Because it wasn’t anything he cared about.
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Narcissists can exhibit care, but it's often different from how most people understand or experience it. Their "care" is generally shaped by their own needs, desires, and self-interest rather than genuine empathy or concern for others. Here’s a closer look at how narcissists might show care:

1. Self-Interested Care:

Instrumental Care: Narcissists may show care when it serves their interests or helps them maintain control. For instance, they might be attentive when they see an opportunity to gain admiration, support, or benefit from a situation.

Transactional Relationships: Their care is often transactional; they may show kindness or support when they expect something in return, such as validation, favors, or continued admiration.

2. Superficial Empathy:

Surface-Level Empathy: Narcissists can mimic empathy or concern to maintain their image or manipulate others. This empathy is usually superficial and tends to disappear once it no longer serves its purpose.

Performative Actions: They may engage in caring behaviors that are more about showcasing their generosity or morality rather than genuine concern for others.

3. Conditional Care:

Conditionally Supportive: Their support or care is often conditional, depending on whether the person or situation aligns with their interests. They may withdraw their care or support if they feel it is no longer beneficial to them.

Expectation of Reciprocity: Narcissists may expect to be rewarded or acknowledged for their care. If their expectations are not met, they might retract their support or become resentful.
4. Self-Preservation:

Protecting Their Image: Narcissists may show care when it helps them protect their self-image or reputation. They might engage in caring behaviors to avoid negative perceptions or to appear socially acceptable.

Managing Conflict: They might act caring to manage conflicts or restore harmony when it benefits them, but this care is often aimed at avoiding consequences rather than fostering genuine relationships.

5. Emotional Investment:

Limited Emotional Depth: Their emotional investment in relationships is generally limited. While they might appear to care, their emotional depth and capacity for true empathy are often shallow.

Self-Focused Reactions: They may react to situations based on how they affect them personally rather than out of genuine concern for others.
6. Manipulative Care:

Exploiting Vulnerabilities: Narcissists might use care as a manipulation tactic, leveraging it to exploit vulnerabilities or to gain control over others.

Creating Dependence: They may care in ways that foster dependence or loyalty, ensuring that others remain tied to them and continue to provide the admiration or support they crave.

Understanding the Dynamics:

Narcissists are capable of showing care, but it is typically self-serving and lacks the depth of true empathy. Their care is often conditional, transactional, and focused on meeting their own needs or maintaining their image. Recognizing these patterns can help you navigate relationships with narcissists and understand the motivations behind their actions.

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/Do-narcissists-ever-care

[tellomon]

What happens if you confront a narcissist’s lies?

Nothing is more frustrating about a narcissist than trying to confront them! It's more of a hassle than any of their wacko behaviors. This is what happens in a nutshell.

You (girlfriend/wife/boyfriend etc.) "Hey, I saw an email pop up on our computer and notice it's some dating site saying you have matches. Do you want to explain what this is all about?"

Narcissist: DENY - "I don't know what you're talking about babe. How was your day?"

You: "What? I saw on the computer that you're on a dating site. What's going on?"

Narcissist: BLAME - "Why are you going through my emails? Would you like it if I went through your stuff? Jesus, why don't you just trust me. It's you that is the trouble here. I can't believe you go through my private stuff. I shouldn't even tolerate this from you!"

You: "Well if you would stop cheating for once, I would trust you and wouldn't have to snoop through your stuff!"

Narcissist: GASLIGHTING - "Oh are we going to go down this road about me cheating? Do you reeeeaaallly want to do this now? Fine, what about your friend John that you went out to dinner with last week huh? Yeah, I'm a guy and I know how guys think. He wants you. You f*cked him didn't you? I saw how you talked to him at the cookout last weekend.

You were laughing at his jokes and you even suggested that he try your potato salad that you brought to the party. I saw you! You were flirting right in front of me you whore. See, I can never trust you. You continue to make my life a living hell. I don't even know why I give you so many chances. Yeah, why don't you and John go date and leave me alone. You like him so much, go be with him and leave me the f*ck alone!

You: "What are you talking about? I can't believe you would twist this all on me? You know and like John, you moron! *You're tempter is rising and you are now defending yourself. You can't help it, you're hurt at this point* (This is ALL done on purpose by the narcissist and you and I always feed into this game they play). So, you and the narcissist are now in a screaming match. You further try to defend yourself and you are feeding right into the narcissist's biggest trick! "You know John and I have nothing going on! He's been my friend since grade school and he's married and I'm friends with his wife!"

Narcissist: NARCISSISTIC RAGE - "You're nothing but a disgusting whore. I hate you and you can now eat dinner alone by yourself. Look at what you started."
(Narcissist leaves and runs into the arms of the very girl you caught him cheating on with that email)

You: Because you can't understand what the hell just happened, you further research this damn email! Now that he's left the house and you are in peace, you pour a big glass of wine and relax and focus more on this email and everything else that he's been up to! You reach out to this girl in email and you guys have a talk! You hear straight from the horse's mouth that he is in fact, sleeping with this girl and he is on his way to her house as you speak!

You later found out that he told her that he's single and that he said he's in love with her and actually wants to move in with her! You need to be sure so you ask for receipts! She sends exchanges between him and her as evidence. Bam, you are NOT crazy. You got him in the bag. He's 100% guilty and now you have hardcore evidence. You wait until his arrival. But what you are about to do is make your life hell because you must always remember, narcissists always win in conflicts. ALWAYS

Narcissist: STONEWALLS - It's a new day so every bad thing the narcissist did prior, you can't hand them accountable for! (strolls in at 9am the next day) "Hey, I'm hungry, anything to eat?" (kisses you on the cheek).

You: (with your printed out receipts) "You were with her last night! I spoke to her before you showed up at her house! Look, we had a nice talk about you last night."

Narcissist: NARCISSISTIC RAGE = NARCISSISTIC INJURY: (this is when they are backed into a corner and they can't escape and feel vulnerable) "You spoke to her? I can't believe you just started all this drama over nothing. If you weren't always causing drama in my life, maybe I wouldn't cheat on you!"

You: "I knew it, you never loved me. You always treat me like sh!t. I'm leaving you."

Narcissist: DISCARD/SILENT TREATMENT: "Fine, we are better off without each other. Good bye and you will NEVER see me again! You ruined us, not me. Bye! (Narcissist leaves and enforces a silent treatment on you). You will not hear or see him for some time. This is when he is out looking for new supply or spending time with existing supply to kill time until YOU come around and apologize to them.

You: GUILT/HURT/SHAME - You reach out frantically to the narcissist and get nothing but unanswered calls/unread texts/blocked on social media. It's like he vanished from your life for good. Because those who date narcissists are co-dependents with an anxious style of attachment, we can't shake the anxiety of losing them for good. Our whole life comes to a stop. We need to make things better. You love them so much. You miss them so much. You are worried about them.

Narcissist: (Btw, he's not reflecting on all the shite he's done, he's living it up with his supply) but he finally answers your call because you are acting like an annoying Irma Grese. Here comes what starts the circle of hell all over again. FALSE APOLOGY - (this is when the narcissist pulls you back in with false remorse and sincerity) "I miss you too baby. I hate that we keep on fighting like this.

I know I'm messed up in the head. I love you, but I hate you too because you drive me nuts." (Note: You drive them nuts....lmao). I know you want for us to be together, but you know we need to like trust each other and things have been so dark for us in the past, I don't know if I can be with you again but it will take baby steps for us to get back on track."

You: "I love you and I will do anything I can to make us work. I'm sorry for everything."

Notice, this is still shifting the blame on you. You are still looked at as the fault to this whole situation in their eyes. No matter what you say or do, you will now be the one to try and put all the effort into the relationship to "make it work" because you still feel guilt for even having the fight.....because you truly love them.

But, they truly CAN'T love you and therefore they will never have the ability to take ownership for any hurt that have caused you. It's a hard lesson to learn. But, almost all of us feed into the fake apology and we start the narcissistic relationship cycle all over again. But, every time you start it up again, the abuse and crazy making gets worse. After just months, and worse, years of taking them back, you will be left with no identity of your own anymore. You will lose yourself to the grips of them. No contact and realize that you can't help them.

This is a true description of my life with a narcissist and it's a pretty common scenario of what it's like to be in a relationship with one.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-if-you-confront-a-narcissist-s-lies

[tellomon]

Can you describe a narcissist having a meltdown?

You know when you’re in the grocery store and you hear a two year old screaming from 7 aisles away? And the kid is so upset that even if his mother gives him what he’s screaming for, he’ll just keep screaming?

Now imagine an adult doing that, but instead of screaming, he’s yelling crazy accusations that make no sense and go around in circles. He’s demanding things you cannot do. The more you try to calm him down, the angrier he gets. He just goes and goes and goes. You end up on your knees in tears begging him to stop and begging him to clarify what it is he wants you to do.

He just keeps going and it just never makes any sense and he gets angrier and angrier the more upset you get. And then he suddenly calms down. Maybe he goes out for a cigarette, 10 or 15 minutes go by as you stare into space with a dazed look on your face, wondering what the hell just happened, and then he walks back in, sits on the couch, grabs the remote and non-chalantly says “Finals start tonight. Wanna watch something else while it’s recording? Oh hey! Will you grab the chips?”

It’s like that.
____________________________

It’s like watching a 3 year old having a temper tantrum, but much more violent and extremely erratic. The screaming, rage and blame are over the top insane. I have witnessed my ex husband’s face grow from a beet red to purple due to his anger. I secretly hoped when he was lashing out at me that he would have a heart attack and die.
_______________________________

They don’t have meltdowns in any real sense of the word. They put on mini-dramas - everything (EVERYTHING) is scripted and choreographed before you ever see it. Everything about them is FAKE.

Fake tears, fake kindness, fake friendships, fake love. Since everything about them is a lie, their “meltdown” will be, too. All it really is? Just more playacting to get you to feel sorry for them. They suck up the sympathy, empathy, and prayers, and CARING (poor guy - so nice and never seems to get a break) like a shop-vac.

FAKE, FAKE, FAKE. I can’t stress strongly enough what liars they are. They are great actresses (and yes, I say “actresses” because every felafeling one if them is a Diva).

So, no matter which brand of narcissist you’re dealing with, whatever it is they’re doing to make it look real? Smoke and mirrors, and nothing else. Zero substance, and oh the drama - give every single one of them an Oscar.

The best thing you can ever do is ignore them - I promise, if Meltdown number one wasn’t enough, he’ll come up with different ways to get attention. If you’ve got one, ditch them. There’s nothing about them worth holding onto.
_______________________________

Imagine someone becoming SO Unhinged, seemingly “Possessed” by an EVIL Entity, and Spewing Hateful Words at You—Just indescribable…

You Can NOT Unsee It—Once You See It.

https://www.quora.com/Can-you-describe-a-narcissist-having-a-meldown

[tellomon]

Doesn’t the narcissist ever become tired of being manipulative? Are they capable of seeing a better way to deal with people?

It's their way of life, and they feel good about it. Being a bad person aligns with who they are. It's egosyntonic, a fancy of saying what they think and feel aligns with how they view themselves.

The irony is that sometimes they will pretend to feel "bad" about something, yet they justify their abuse and using others somehow, the same way a serial killer hugs the corpse of a woman he murdered, stating "I never knew this was the best way to get close to you; I see it now!"

The serial killer example is a stereotype, but it's the only way I can describe a narcissist's twisted morality, because narcissists don't have any morals.

Now there are some people who claim to be narcissists who state they "care" about their loved ones, but this care only extends so far. You also have to be careful with a narcissist claiming they are telling you the truth. I don't trust any of them online either.

I personally have narcissists in my family, and I've studied them for years.

I can tell you exactly what this "care" means. It means, you are a possession, and a piece on the chessboard. The closer you get to them, the more they pull away. They want someone they can control and have power over.

You're NEVER going to get close to a narcissist or psychopath. You're never going to feel those "warm fuzzy" feelings, and if you do, it's all coming from your imagination, prompted by the narcissist's actions (usually the lovebombing in the beginning).

Narcissists are perfectly happy to use you, and make it seem like a relationship, whether a parent, partner/spouse, or friend. I cannot even really call them either of those titles because they are meaningless with a narcissist. You're just playing the role of a dunce, a big dummy trying to show love for someone who sees you as an idiot.

I'm sorry for not mincing words, but that is exactly how they view you. As my ex-narc said "stupid people deserve to be fooled."

It's amazing. These "people" can hold you in their arms, say "I love you" every day, and go places with you, live together with you and spend lots of time around you, and yet, they never bond. They just don't bond, they don't connect.

And so it's so very easy for them to just view you as a stupid fool. A dummy who does everything for them, and acts like a freaking sycophant.

The sooner you realise this, the sooner you cut that tie and throw them away. They deserve to have to face the consequences of their actions. They need to go "find" themselves literally and figuratively, in the gutter. Maybe a bit of humility can be attained once a narcissist stops getting everything they want.

Speaking of which, some narcissists and psychopaths do enter therapy. I have heard of one psychopath who is trying to "control" his impulses to use people who seem naive, but he says it's very difficult. Still, I give him credit for trying.

That's exactly where all the narcissists belong. They shouldn't have anyone to feed or leech off of; they need to be left alone, so that they can work on themselves, whether or not the therapy works, I don't care. I just want people to stop supporting them and helping them out. Leave them alone.

If they cannot be helped, then we need to open more mental hospitals again, since narcissism is listed as a mental disorder. The government and the APA shouldn’t be dumping them on society, expecting us to clean up all the mess.
_________________________

No, they actually never tire of it. They love it. It’s all they know how to do. They’ve been doing it to get their needs met since early childhood, and it works for them. They see no reason to change, and couldn’t even if they tried.

They’re too lazy and entitled to do things a “better” way. They like their parasitic lifestyle, and expect us to just continue to deal with it, it doesn’t matter what it does to us real human beings.
___________________________

You would think they'd get tired of it, wouldn't you? It's exhausting dealing with them, for sure, and it doesn't make sense that anyone could actually be like this all the time.

And yet…. that's exactly how they are, relentlessly and undendingly. So, they lose people constantly, and try the same tricks over and over again, thinking the next person will have different results. But it just never does— people get tired and leave, or they're trapped and CAN'T leave, but disengage, which is emotionally checking out and a form of leaving.

Why a narcissist can't see this is because it's just the nature of their disordered mindset. When we're children, we have that magical thinking phase where we think we should have whatever we want and do whatever we want without consequences. But we grow up and the maturity, experience, and ability to empathize with others enables us to be teachable.

A narcissist doesn't have those qualities. They can TALK about those things, usually disparagingly when they're criticizing another person, or projecting their lack of those attributes onto someone else. They don't take responsibility and they are incapable of true remorse. Remorse is the catalyst of changed behaviors.

They feel none of that— they're only “sorry” that others stop buying into their bullshit and refuse to take their abuse. And since want someone to take on all their bullshit, they keep looking for the one who WILL, permanently. After all, in their minds, their machinations work in the beginning, so….their manipulations DO work. They just can't ever find that “perfect source” to take it perfectly forever.

Even if they DID, though— their boredom, general dissatisfaction, lack of empathy, and selfish nature's prohibit them from appreciating the “perfect doormat”.

Humans just aren't capable of remaining forever young, forever healthy with no needs of their own, forever submissive, or EVER perfect.

Narcissists can't handle that.

https://www.quora.com/Doesn-t-the-narcissist-ever-become-tired-of-being-manipulative-Are-they-capable-of-seeing-a-better-way-to-deal-with-people

[tellomon]

What is the narcissist’s
last trick?

In the world of mental chess that narcissists play, the final gambit, the last trick they pull from their dark, twisted sleeve, isn't just a move, it's a grand finale of manipulation and emotional pyrotechnics.

It's what I call the "Emotional Houdini Act" - the ultimate vanishing trick, leaving you questioning your own sanity, reality, and worth.

Picture this: After rounds and rounds of gaslighting, manipulation, and the roller coaster of highs and lows, just when you think you've seen it all, they pull the carpet from under your feet. This isn't just ghosting; it's disappearing with every piece of belief, confidence, and self-esteem you had.

It’s crafting a narrative so compelling, your friends, family, and even your dog would second-guess your version of events. It's an art form, a masterclass in psychological warfare, and you're left on the battlefield wondering where you even are.

This move, this devastatingly brilliant tactic, is the narcissist reaffirming their place at the center of the universe—at least, their universe. They twist the narrative, playing the victim or the hero as it suits them, leaving you as the villain in the eyes of the world. It's rewriting history, erasing your contributions, your pain, your voice from the story of your own life.

But here's the twist, the moment of clarity, your wake-up call. This isn't just a trick; it's your liberation. Their final act, their coup de grâce, ironically, is the key to your chains. The moment you realize that their disappearance, their rewriting of history, is their admission of defeat. They've played their last card, and it's a sign, a clear signal, that you're free.

Free to rebuild, to redefine, to reclaim your narrative and voice. This is where you rise, where you take the pieces they've left behind, and you build a fortress so strong, so authentically you, they couldn't penetrate it if they tried. This is your rebirth, your phoenix moment.

So, when faced with the narcissist’s last trick, smile. Know that this is where you win. It's where you take everything they thought they took from you and turn it into armor, into wisdom. It's your turn to be the architect of your future, and this time, the foundations are unshakeable. Stand tall, stand proud, because the game is over, and you, my friend, are the undisputed champion.
_____________________________

The narcissist's last trick is to discard you. This means that they will suddenly and abruptly end the relationship with you, without any explanation or closure. They will act as if you never existed, and they will move on to a new source of supply. They will do this to make you feel worthless, rejected, and abandoned.

They will also do this to avoid any accountability or responsibility for their actions. They will try to make you believe that you are the problem, and that they are better off without you. This is a cruel and devastating way to end a relationship, and it can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and betrayed.

The narcissist's last trick is designed to inflict maximum pain and damage on you, while they escape unscathed. They will do this to make themselves feel powerful and superior, and to avoid facing their own insecurities and flaws.
_____________________________

In a narcissist's twisted world, their final trick is their most devastating. Before they leave you for good, they need to utterly destroy you. This isn’t just an option for them it’s a necessity. They want you to feel completely worthless, to break you down to your core.

You see, everything a narcissist does follows a predictable cycle: value, devalue, discard. It’s their blueprint, a deeply ingrained pattern of behavior that they repeat over and over. This is who they are, and they won’t change. On the surface, they might seem successful, charming, and even powerful—people might not believe you if you told them the truth. But behind closed doors, they are entirely different.

The last trick they pull before they leave is subtle and insidious. They covertly work to break you, to make you feel like you are nothing without them. They want you to be anxious, depressed, even contemplating the worst, all to feed their sense of superiority. This isn’t about love or care; it’s about control.

They need to keep you in a state of dependence, making it easier for them to manipulate you. If you start asking too many questions or begin to see through their facade, they’ll discard you quickly, but not before leaving you in pieces.

The goal is to leave you so broken that, even after they’re gone, you’re too damaged to move on. They’ll ensure that when they walk away, you’re left questioning everything, blaming yourself, and feeling utterly destroyed. This is their twisted way of ensuring you’re easier to control, should they ever return. It’s about making sure that they are always in a better position than you, feeding their delusion of superiority.

In their mind, they must be better than you. So, they tear you down, making sure you’re left on the floor, broken and defeated. Meanwhile, they’ll play the victim to others, painting you as the problem and themselves as the ones who were wronged. It’s a sick game they play to ensure they always come out on top, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

This last trick is their way of ensuring they can walk away unscathed, leaving you in a state of ruin. But remember, this is not about you it’s about them and their need to feel superior. They don’t care about the pain they cause, only that it serves their purpose.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-narcissist-s-last-trick

[tellomon]

Laugh in their face and say, "You're textbook".
5 Best Ways to Make
a Narcissist Panic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_liNQoCqOWo

[tellomon]

"The greatest thing about this journey is... No response is consistent. Not great at all."

[tellomon]

  " I nearly swear if I get out of this life....I will  .....  (Fill In The Blank).

You think Pop-ups ads are bad........Look for me.
I have your links. Do YOU have my six?


https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.409563862159&type=3


lol.....................................

[tellomon]

  "Censorship coming at me?  Not news. The latest...".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wcez8rVETVU

[tellomon]

"I was GraveRobbing. All the "stiffs" said they were Narc abuse vics. Out of the graves & into the streets. Abusers BEWARE!!!"

[*Brum6y*]

Do you know of any narcissists in American politics?

[tellomon]

Political Narcissism in American politics

Sadiq A. Qatari
PE Consultant at Saudi Aramco
June 20, 2024

Political narcissism refers to the presence of narcissistic traits or controls in individuals involved in politics. Narcissism is generally characterized by a preoccupation with use, a grandiosity of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. When these names entered the political arena, they could have a significant impact on political and industrial control.

He discovered that seekers with narcissistic tendencies often have an excellent appetite for flattery, praise, and flattery. Traditional models are treated to embody superiority and admiration, and they may have an entitlement to power and privilege where this fire for validation and admiration can contribute to creating innovation.

Studies also found that there is a positive relationship between Narcissus and the participation of political forces. People with higher domains of narcissism took to greater action in business politics such as contacting politicians, signing a petition, joining documents, donating money, and voting in elections. However, it is important to note that narcissism does not necessarily confer political ideology or party affiliation.

The concept of collective narcissism is also relevant to the context in Yemen. Collective narcissism refers to the grandiose group and the need for external validation. This can be viewed by people belonging to a social group or by the group. The narcissistic group has been linked to intergroup groups and can have political consequences.

It is worth noting that there is a multifaceted relationship between narcissism and politics related to the topic. While some studies suggest a positive relationship between narcissism and political participation, other studies highlight the potential effects of narcissistic power on democracy and cooperation.

Understanding the role of narcissism in politics is crucial to analyzing cyber and technological policy control, most notably in democratic processes. By learning about political narcissism and its studies, we gain insight into political motives and activities in relation to their potential for society and governance.

SEE MORE:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/political-narcissism-american-politics-sadiq-a-qatari-keu5e/

[tellomon]

The Most Narcissistic Presidents in Modern U.S. History Ranked

The full list shown in the study, ranked by standard narcissism scores from highest to lowest, can be seen below. Any score over zero is considered above average.

Lyndon Johnson (1963–1969): 2.167
Theodore Roosevelt (1901–1909): 1.528
Richard Nixon (1969–1974): 1.412
Franklin D. Roosevelt (1933–1945): 0.903
Bill Clinton (1993–2001): 0.649
John F. Kennedy (1961–1963): 0.630
Woodrow Wilson (1913–1921): 0.526
George W. Bush (2001–2009): 0.314
Ronald Reagan (1981–1989): -0.153
Herbert Hoover (1929–1933): -0.242
Harry Truman (1945–1953): -0.538
Warren Harding (1921–1923): -0.739
Jimmy Carter (1977–1981): -0.775
Dwight Eisenhower (1953–1961): -0.780
George H.W. Bush (1989–1993): -0.864
Gerald Ford (1974–1977): -0.912
Calvin Coolidge (1923–1929): -1.007
William Taft (1909–1913): -1.032
William McKinley (1897–1901): -1.087

https://www.newsweek.com/most-narcissistic-presidents-modern-united-states-history-ranked-1743670

[tellomon]

It's impossible to describe being abused by a narcissist without sounding like a narcissist.
4 Things a Narcissist NEVER Gets Over

In this video, we're going to talk about the 4 things that a narcissist NEVER gets over. These are the things that will keep them feeling insecure and angry throughout their lives.

Narcissists are incredibly insecure people, and these 4 things are the key things that keep them feeling that way. By understanding these concepts, you can start to heal the damage that has been done to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR_yPjKiEEc

[tellomon]

Gone In 60 Seconds.
No! The Narcissist Doesn’t Need You & This is Why

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmgLHjGzX6E

[tellomon]

1.Own worst enemy.  2.Immature.  3.Dependent on others.
3 Things a Narcissist ISN'T Aware of

@jackieyesudas2571
1 year ago
Totally and 100% correct.  Narcs are miserable and lonely humans.
My narc husband did every single thing that you mentioned in this video. He abandoned me and our two sons after 30 years. We are free from this controlling and evil man now. 
Thank you Danish. I am on my healing journey.

@breezybreezy
1 year ago
Narcissists are not aware of how predictable they are once their patterns are exposed. They also underestimate people but once you see the tricks you can't unsee them, and then you can just see them coming.

@JamesNGames
1 year ago
In my experience, it's fascinating to observe how individuals with narcissistic traits seem to possess a keen self-awareness, yet they consciously choose to overlook the impact of their actions on others. It can be quite perplexing to engage with someone who seemingly disregards the feelings and needs of those around them, even when they appear fully aware of their behavior.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UVivb6ATQs

[tellomon]

7 things a narcissist despises the most:

1- they will help strangers instead of you
2- accountability reveals the truth about them
3- you enjoying their life without them
4- your genuine connections and relationships with other people
5- anything that contradicts their agenda
6- your authentic self, your talents, skills and ability to be yourself
7- when you abandon them. you are proving them wrong

7 Things a Narcissist Despises The Most

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1waRmdlt5Y

[tellomon]

From:JH Simon
jhsimon@substack.com
To:Ron Tello
m86thecat@yahoo.com
Wed, Sep 18, 2024 at 5:42 AM

A Deep Dive Into The
Narcissist’s False Self

The ‘false self’ is a concept which lies at the core of narcissism discourse, yet is rarely thoroughly explored. In some ways, it is as ambiguous and difficult to define as the True Self.

I’ve contemplated the false self for years, both as an idea and as it might exist in myself, which often spurs feelings of resistance. This internal pushback provides the first clue about the false self: It does not want to be exposed.

So what is the false self hiding?

To Know What Is False, Reveal What Is True

Let’s begin by considering the True Self and the Ego.

The True Self is your internal blueprint. It is your universal and ancestral potential, which is compelled to contribute to the game of evolution by expressing its energy in the world. The True Self contains your emotions, your instincts, your nature, your drives and your archetypes, such as the warrior, the diplomat, the sage and the lover.

The True Self allows you to express energy in the world in fascinating forms, from the capacity to assert your strength, to your ability to lead others, to finding clever solutions to problems. Yet the True Self has no mind and no eyes. For that, it needs the ego.

The ego is your representative in the world. It analyses, judges and makes decisions aimed at what it deems to be in your best interest. The ego determines which actions will keep you safe, nurtured and prospering in life. It also alters how you interact with others, customising your personality in different contexts to better get your needs met.

You might be submissive and appeasing, aiming to soften others into supporting you. You might be hard and aggressive instead, hoping to force cooperation. If you judge someone as ‘inferior’ or detrimental to your standing in society, you might grow contemptuous and detached, looking to avoid being negatively influenced by them.

When isolated, the ego seems like a cold and greedy tool of manipulation — which is precisely what it is. The ego is a tool of the mind which evolved as a needs-meeting machine. Yet a world driven by ‘machines’ leads to exploitation and ruin. Humans are motivated by much more than their basic needs.

Purpose. Beauty. Meaning. Love. Belonging. Connection. Joy in being. These are just some of the authentic qualities which are beyond the ego. To function in a way that is beneficial to humanity, we need a healthy ego which allies itself with the True Self.

Harmony Within, And Without

A healthy ego aims to accurately read our inner reality i.e. the mysterious designs of our True Self, while harmonising it with outer reality i.e. what the world demands of us.

The True Self is indeed a mysterious metaphysical organism, with each person seemingly born having a unique ‘nature’. A person’s temperament is driven greatly by their True Self, along with what they are drawn towards and what resonates with them.

Some people are warriors by nature, craving the challenge of conquering and shaping the world according to a higher design. Others are thinkers and philosophers, able to access hidden realms and share their discoveries for the benefit of mankind. Some are abrasive by nature, others are healers.

When a person has a regulated nervous system, has successfully attuned to their True Self, and possesses an understanding of how reality and the world work, then the True Self can better actualise. Such a person intimately knows and accepts their nature. Armed with a healthy ego, they go about negotiating their place in the world.

Unless, of course, they carry complex trauma, in which case their trajectory is vastly different.

[tellomon]

If you’re with a narcissist, you’re running for your life too — it’s just that no one has told you yet.
Motivations of Narcissists: Expanded
[DEEP DIVE]

In this deep dive, The Little Shaman discusses the motivations and mindsets of pathologically narcissistic people.


@charlietaylor1985
4 years ago
I feel sorry for all of those people that has or is dealing with a NARCISSISTS person. They can mess you up, destroy your life and don't seem to bat one eye.


@maryn1834
4 years ago
Always a crisis.  A constant vortex of chaos and drama for no real reason at all.


@jonsmith8083
4 years ago
Dealing with them is like trying to kick water up the stairs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C8XtAHKGVM&t=40s

[tellomon]

How does a narcissist choose his supply?

Narcissism is a crime of opportunity.

Narcissist are emotional predators constantly looking for supply. If the supply is easy to get, they will take it. However, if there is someone they see as benefiting them more, they will keep the now wounded “easy” prey and stalk the “higher” prey. Once they have the “higher” prey, they will just walk away from the easy prey leaving it critically (mentally) injured.

Now if that new prey gets away or they are done with that prey, they will go back to the now injured first prey, who will not put up a fight. This might sound graphic, but it isn’t nearly as horrible as when it happens to real people.

The emotional damage these creatures cause is worse than anything a person could do to another person.

It is literally emotional rape, over and over. To make it worse the narcissist blames the poor soul getting raped to the point the victim can’t fight any longer and starts to believe it is their fault. The victim is left emotionally in critical condition barely hanging on to sanity, while the narcissist goes out for just “another hunt”. Narcissist live for the hunt, trap, conquer and destroy, then just leave feeling powerful not think a thing of it.
_____________________________

Whether male or female narcissist, they have criteria for their supply. The spider wants to find a certain type of fly for their web. Fun, compliant, supportive, SERVING. It has to be gratifying for THEM. Lining up supply is the narcissist’s constant focus, so they are experts at evaluation. Dating sites and social media provide the most options.

Their criteria resembles:

Good appearance, but not more attractive than themselves. If N is a 8 for looks or status, you are ideally around a 7/6. In public, attention is on them. Control dynamic.

Pleasing nature. You are settled (have own living space, steady job) and not embroiled in drama like active divorce, custody battle, sick parent, unemployed.

Humor is important because narcissist must be entertained. Usually not interested if you don’t drink.

Mannered. You are the supporting cast member, not the star. You are a #2. No alpha types.
Caring nature (read: people pleaser). You will be asked questions to validate. For example, “tell me about your family and your parents.”, “What was your last relationship like?”, “Who is your role model?”

Sex. On the table from go. “My friends say these dating sites are all about sex. What is your view?”, “How many dates before sex?”, “How was your sex life like in your marriage?” A narcissist will not waste much time. Get to love bombing or move on to next potential.

Finally, are you suggestive? Start with dirty jokes, then have you ever…, then your darkest secret fantasy is…. Shows you can open up.

On face value, this list is fine, but the difference will be how fast the narcissist can evaluate. A normal person may have similar preferences but will take time to get to know you and build a connection. A sign of a narcissist will be moving very fast and feeling like you are pushed into an instant relationship.

Then, there is some control testing during love bombing like going quiet for a day after sex or asking you for a big favor too soon - small loan, borrow your car, pick up something way of town. It is a temperature check to know if you are committed. For those recovering, most are embarrassed by the things done to keep the N happy - we didn’t know.

A narcissist may break their criteria in bad times. Anyone can be short term fix until someone better is found. Narcissists are sharks. There is no shame, because you can be discarded. No empathy. You were lucky to be with them in their own mind.

Go no contact and always move forward.
_____________________________

Two words. Vulnerability and availability.

To be a successful supply they must be vulnerable- willing to show excitement at the Narcs presence, be submissive in thought and action to all the Narcs likes and dislikes, be enthusiastic about putting the Narc first.

The supply must give and give more as time goes on to show their loyalty. We wouldn’t want the Narc to grow weary of the supply now, would we? You must be willing to please them at all costs.

Keep in mind that while the supply is doing all of this,they have no idea that it will not be reciprocated . They are thinking this is a substantial relationship with a future. They will receive breadcrumbs From the Narc (while being conditioned through intermittent reinforcement) because the Narc cannot “give” in return - not in a real way.
A word about availability: The Narc needs someone who spends time with them, does what they enjoy- all when the Narc wants it.

These are two important features of the perfect supply because the Narc just “might” stick around longer because of them.

Keep in mind- it is all a matter of time until the relationship ends. It’s all fun and games at first, but when it starts to require something of the Narc it soon becomes boring and frantic.

This is when they search for a new, shiny supply who is vulnerable and available ……. And the beat goes on.......

https://www.quora.com/How-does-a-narcissist-choose-his-supply

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists search for you in other people after discarding you?

Narcissists believe the grass is always greener on the other side.

They think that every new supply will be just like the old supply or, better than. Unfortunately the narc spends most of their life looking for that perfect person in which they never do. This perfect person is supposed to be the narc's puppet, adhere to every word the narc says and does.

The narc is in control not their supply. The reason why you get discarded is because you've been used up, you have already been replaced and you are no longer adhering to the narcs demands so they found someone who will, or, so that's what the narc thinks.

You also have to remember since they are so dense in the head, since they never gave you any closure they think you'll be waiting there for them and that this break up is only temporary.

You the former supply doesn't know this and believe its over this time. While you the old supply are left devastated, the narc is busy screwing and using this supposed perfect puppet. However after months go by this perfect puppet isn't so great after all due to the fact that they are catching on to the narcs lies and they too are getting the hot/cold shoulder.

The narc now is upset because they thought they found their perfect puppet. So what does the narc do? Like any typical narc they start contacting other possible sources and old former supplies then just like that you come to their creepy mind.

To answer your question the narc believes that their supply is their puppet and is supposed to put up with their sh!t. When it doesn't work out they just move on to the next and believe that every new supply will be different yet the same like their old supply.

That's what the narc wants in a partner. This is why all their relationships end up short term, brief and fail. The narcs perfect person doesn't exist because no one will put up with it. Now this also depends on the type of supply.

If you were the type to put up with their shitty behavior, were the one who stayed the longest and gave them the supply they needed then yes they will look for you, if you were a sh!tty supply that only provided temporary relief for them then the narc will begin to think back and in his head say you know if this were so and so she would put up with me.

By the time the narc realizes that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, by the time the light bulb goes off and they contact you, its now to late for them because you the old supply have moved on, you're getting married to your real soulmate looking towards that wonderful life ahead of you.

The narc now feels defeated because everything they took for granted is now in the hands of someone else who will truly appreciate you, love you the way you deserve to be. The narc then moves on once again and continues their path of failed, destructive relationships until they get decrepit, old and no longer can attract supply. They end up alone later in life. They are such pathetic losers!

This is how the narcs mind operates that's how sick and twisted they really are.
____________________________

Narcissists often seek out new sources of validation and admiration after discarding someone because their self-esteem is heavily reliant on external affirmation. Here are some key reasons why they might search for traits of their former partners in others:

Validation and Supply: Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration, known as "narcissistic supply." After ending a relationship, they may look for new partners who can provide similar validation or who possess qualities they found appealing in their previous partner.

Comparison and Idealization: Narcissists tend to idealize their former partners and may seek to find someone who can match or surpass those qualities. This comparison allows them to maintain a sense of superiority and control over their new relationships.

Fear of Abandonment: Despite their outward confidence, narcissists often have a deep-seated fear of abandonment. By searching for familiar traits in others, they may unconsciously attempt to recreate the dynamics of their previous relationship, seeking comfort in the familiar.

Lack of Self-Awareness: Many narcissists lack insight into their own behavior and motivations. They may not fully understand why they seek out others who remind them of their ex-partner, as they are often more focused on their immediate needs for attention and validation.

Emotional Regulation: After a breakup, a narcissist may struggle with feelings of emptiness or loss. Seeking out new partners with similar traits can serve as a coping mechanism to fill the emotional void left by the discarded partner.

Manipulation and Control: Some narcissists may intentionally seek out individuals who resemble their exes as a way to manipulate or control their new relationships. By projecting their past experiences onto new partners, they can maintain a sense of dominance.

In summary, the search for familiar traits in others after discarding someone is often a complex interplay of emotional needs, validation-seeking behavior, and a lack of self-awareness.
_______________________________

Narcissist do not search for us in every person they want a relationship with. The narcissist may compare the previous supply with the new to make her feel jealous and to create triangulation. He will make this new person believe his ex wants him back. This creates the illusion he is highly sought after.

The narcissist plays a lot of mind games. He is lying constantly to both woman and the sad part is they love him and want to believe the lies. But sooner or later they will have to face the truth. The narcissist loves no one. He does not bond, nor have empathy. It is impossible for the narcissist to love and care for you. He is self focused. The only thing the narcissists cares about is narcissistic supply.

He can pretend to love you but the fact is he is incapable. Those feelings were shut down. And they cannot return. The narcissist needs narcissistic supple in order to exist. He cannot regulate his own self esteem. So he uses others for the purpose of regulating his self esteem. Narcissist have many sources of supply. No one person can fill all the needs of the narcissist.

The narcissist is looking for a person who can be an endless source of narcissistic supply. He thinks this one will be different at least in the beginning. We all eventually fail them in their eyes. When we do fail the narcissist blames us. We failed him just like all the others and he thought we were different. He is looking for that perfect person who’s supply never grows stale.

We all know relationships do not stay as they were in the beginning, but they grow into something more meaningful. A deeper lasting love where two people are devoted to each other. There is love and mutual respect for one another. Not so within a narcissistic relationship.

Narcissists are always looking for something better to prop up their false image. They may stay in a marriage for a long time, but it is not a good marriage. They are always disappearing, and you have no idea where they are. They lead double lives they could have a man or woman on the side. While you sit innocently at home. Taking care of the home and children.

You make them look like a normal husband and father. So it benefits him at this point to stay in the marriage. The moment you no longer benefit him he will start looking for a new supply source. You cannot love these narcissist enough.

The kinder you are to them the worse they treat you.
___________________________

They are not searching for you, or anybody else. They are searching for that ideal image of “someone”, their ideal person. Once they thought they find that ideal person in you, so you thought it's about you. It's not about us, they just saw that “something” in us, and now they are seeing in someone else.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-search-for-you-in-other-people-after-discarding-you

[tellomon]

Why are narcissists so vindictive after the discard?

Let’s take a closer look at what really happened before the final discard.

Did you ask the narcissist to treat you with respect and dignity?

Did you catch them lying or cheating?

Did you refuse to lower yourself to meet one of their ridiculous demands? Were they betraying you behind your back?

Did you finally reach your breaking point with their abusive, cruel behavior and call them out? Did you see through the mask and notice the childish, temperamental, judgmental, and selfish person they really are?

Did you stand up for yourself?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, the narcissist feels betrayed.
In their twisted reality, they believe you wronged them. Now, they want to punish you, discard you, and erase you from their lives.

They shift all the blame onto you so they can absolve themselves of any wrongdoing and move on to their next target without a hint of remorse. At some point, they realized they couldn’t dominate you any longer, that they were losing control of the relationship, so they decided to leave first—just to make sure they were the one to end it.

Are you feeling hurt, confused, and blindsided?
That’s exactly how they want you to feel.

Has the person you thought cared about you suddenly transformed into a cruel and cold-hearted monster? That’s the real version of them.
 
Have they withdrawn all affection, leaving you with nothing but cold silence? Consider yourself punished and banished.

Are they smearing your name in your community, workplace, or among friends and family? They’re doing this to control the narrative, portraying themselves as the victim and you as the offender.

Are they acting like you never existed? It’s because they felt rejected and, to preserve their fragile ego, they’ll abandon you without hesitation to feel superior.

In their distorted view, you are wrong, and they are right. You are discarded, and they’ve moved on. But understand this: no matter what you did or didn’t do, this was always going to happen.

Narcissists are incapable of healthy, stable relationships. They will find reasons to criticize you and make you feel unworthy. But you deserve better. These people are unstable, delusional, self-serving, manipulative, and stubborn.

By standing your ground, you’ve preserved your dignity.
______________________________

Once they discard you, narcissists want to hold your feet to the flame by blaming you for the fallout of the relationship and every single thing that went wrong. They hate you because you either refused to give in to them, you called them on their bs, you tried to uphold a boundary, or you otherwise did NOT give them what they want.

So, like little children, they are going to pout and make you KNOW that they are resentful. They do this by devaluing you, throwing tantrums, throwing every insult and hurtful criticism against you, and ultimately booting you from their lives.

They WANT you to feel like garbage so THEY can feel good about themselves.

The reality is, the narcissist f*cked up. The narcissist could not maintain a healthy, lasting relationship with you. The narcissist is never satisfied and cannot see the good in anyone beyond what they can TAKE.

They treat people like they are disposable. That’s why they LOVE dating apps, because they can recycle through people on a whim, and torch those that aren’t worth keeping around (usually the ones that have enough self-respect to draw the line).

They are angry because they are incompetent, lack character, and have no real love for themselves or other people. They are wizards of loneliness and misery, and they will drag anyone they can down with them, especially when they are done with you.

They are cold, calculating, and cruel, and they know EXACTLY what they are doing and how to HURT people the most - especially those who care for them and try to see the good in them.

Does that sound like a happy, healthy, stable person to you? NO! They’ve been angry their whole lives. They were angry and resentful while with you, and they will be spiteful and hateful long after you’ve gone.

This makes them feel superior, when honestly it’s quite sad and pathetic.
_____________________________

Narcissists often display vindictive behavior after a discard due to several psychological factors related to their personality traits and coping mechanisms:

Wounded Ego: Discarding a narcissist can be perceived as a significant blow to their self-esteem. They often see relationships as a means of validation, and being discarded can trigger feelings of rejection and inadequacy.

Need for Control: Narcissists typically desire control over their relationships and their environment. When they are discarded, they may feel a loss of control, prompting them to retaliate or seek revenge to regain a sense of power.

Fear of Abandonment: Many narcissists have an underlying fear of abandonment. When someone leaves them, they may react with vindictiveness as a defense mechanism to cope with their anxiety about being alone or unworthy.

Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often struggle to empathize with others, which makes it difficult for them to understand the emotional impact of their actions. This lack of empathy can lead them to act vindictively without considering how it affects the other person.

Projection: They might project their own feelings of inadequacy or failure onto the person who discarded them, leading to blame and hostility. This can manifest as anger or a desire to harm the other person.

Revenge as a Strategy: For some narcissists, enacting revenge can be a way to restore their self-image. They may believe that by retaliating, they can demonstrate their power and worth, even if it comes at the expense of others.

Social Reputation: Narcissists often care deeply about their public image. If they feel they have been wronged, they might engage in vindictive behavior to "save face" or to manipulate others’ perceptions of the situation.

Understanding these dynamics can help individuals navigate relationships with narcissists and recognize the motivations behind their vindictive actions.
___________________________

Because they don't have to keep pretending that they are decent human beings anymore. The moment they discard you, they show their REAL TRUE SELF and this is one of the scariest things you will ever see.

They might have shown you bits of their real personality before, the lies, cheating, anger, manipulation etc., but they still kept pretending if they saw some benefits in it.

The moment they discard you, they don't care anymore whether you see their real self or not. Their thinking is very primitive and black and white, they don't have any long-term insight, so for them what happens in this moment is an indication of how things will be forever.

The mask comes off. You see all the evil, ugliness, nastiness, emptiness and downright DARKNESS of this shell of human being. Nothing in life prepares you for seeing a TRUE SIDE OF A NARCISSIST. It's scary, disgusting and revolting.

This is real them. All what was before was an act to get you hooked and compliant.

https://www.quora.com/Why-are-narcissists-so-vindictive-after-the-discard

[tellomon]

The more you know about narcissistic abuse, the more you realize your upbringing didn’t help. Those fairy tales we read as children. I guarantee every “Prince Charming” is a narcissist or psychopath or both since 40 percent of narcissists also have APD traits. Keep learning survivors.

[tellomon]

What are some noticeable signs that a narcissist is faking concerns?

Narcissists are masters at showing fake concern. Narcissists are not bothered about your problems or health; they are curious about knowing your health problems and other problems.

Narcissists words never match with their actions. Narcissists might be very good with words, but when it comes to action, you will never see their efforts. Narcissists will dictate orders instead of helping you out; in some cases, narcissists may also get angry because of your problems, but they will cover up their behavior in the name of concern.

In some cases, a narcissist may also help you out because they don't want to get into the problems because of you or they just want to brag about how much they did for you. No matter how many problems you might be going through, a narcissist will be living an absolutely normal life, like your problems didn't affect them. You will be suffering; narcissists will be having a good time; they will just cover up their behavior with nice words.
________________________

When they give unnecessary or unsolicited advice without asking any questions of what you actually need. When they become angry or impatient if you do not react the way they envisioned you should (i.e. taking their advice or thanking them profusely for their concern).
__________________________

Typically, when a Narcissist is faking concern, it’s followed by asking you to do something for them.

For example, you have a recently deceased relative and they surprise you by inquiring about them. They may ask you if you were left money or property.

Then, they may ask you for money to invest in one of their latest “no fail” investment schemes.

Should you decline, they will say that you will throw away any inheritance you received.

You will be manipulated, bullied, stalked and harassed to give them your money.

The only way out is to cut them off completely.

Remember, Narcissists have no empathy and any “concern” is to manipulate you into giving them something else.
______________________________

I think narcissists are excellent actors. If you have already clearly identified someone as a narcissist then it's safe to assume that all their emotional responses are fake, with the exception of concern for themselves which is very genuine.

My girlfriend used to make a point of telling me how kind she was to old people and vulnerable animals. The very fact that she chose to pointedly reference this was something I found odd at the time and later realised that is it was an attempt to persuade me/herself of a level of empathy that in reality she was incapable of feeling.

In summary, I would say that the clearest indicator of fake concern would be if it appears too much, too emphatic and over the top.

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/What-are-some-noticeable-signs-that-a-narcissist-is-faking-concern

[tellomon]

Are narcissists good people who are just bad
to be around?

Narcissists are evil in human disguise.

Narcissists come into your life to destroy you; they take everything from you. Narcissists main motive is to see your downfall and destruction. Narcissists don't have empathy, sympathy, or remorse; they come into relationships just to feed on you. You give everything to narcissists; they take everything from you, and then they destroy you emotionally, mentally, and even physically.

For narcissists, every person is an object to be used, abused, and replaced. It's better to keep away from narcissists. No person should be around narcissists. Narcissists will destroy anyone who gets close to them.

Narcissists are evil; their sole purpose is to take everything from you. It's the mask, which doesn't allow people to see who they are.
_____________________________

This answer is going to seem harsh and it might feel one sided, however, once you have lived with a Narcissist or have grown up with a Narcissist as a parent, you see the Narcissist for who they are.

Narcissists are NOT good people.

There is nothing good about them. Sure, they can do nice things for you, but there is ALWAYS something in it for them whether it is to get Narcissistic Fuel, money, material things, sex, someone to blame for their bad behaviors and to regulate their emotions, housing, and food. I (the Narcissist) did something for you and now you owe me!

Narcissists steal everything from you. They criticize, belittle, ridicule, devalue, give you backhanded compliments, steal and/or break your things that you hold dear, tell you lies about yourself and about the people you love.

They use and abuse people to gain a sense of control and to build their self-esteem at someone else's expense. They take our “Free Will” away from us. Narcissists don't like people that are different from them. Why? Because they don't know how to deal with differences.

They are schemers at the core. They don't understand love, mercy, compassion, and have little to No Empathy.

Narcissists never take any responsibility for their actions. They just look for someone to blame. If you are their child and they don't like you, will then, you are blamed not only for their (Narcissistic parent(s)) behaviors, but you are blamed for every problem in the family and you are responsible to solve the family's problems and it doesn't matter how old you are. Narcissists groom their children to take care of them, not the other way around as it should be.

Narcissists will NEVER see the other person's side of things because

1) They have very little empathy.

2) They are so selfish that all they think about is how are they going to get their needs and wants met.

3) Their Self-Entitlement is so deep that they believe they have to right to treat people as they see fit. They have the right to punish people. They have the right to withhold important information from people. They have the right to take what they want from people.

Here is something to think about…when I was little and playing by myself, my mother used to get so angry that she would physically beat the crap out of me. Some of my favorite toys would come up missing. My mother never hugged me. She never comfort me when I had bad dreams. I was four years old and knew I couldn't go to her for anything.

If I was bullied at school I couldn't go to her for help. If I didn't know how to do my homework I couldn't go to her for help; therefore my homework didn't get done. I never went to her for anything as a child. I knew to not bother her because it could be bad for me.

Anyone that can use and abuse someone and sleep soundly and think they did nothing wrong is evil. In my opinion. It isn't just a brain problem it is a heart problem when it comes to Narcissists and maybe it is a soul problem as well.

Narcissists walk in darkness and they hate the truth.
___________________________

Above anything else, narcissists are empty. Empty of inner resources, and unable to even participate in social situations with any idea of reciprocity. Everything - absolutely every little thing! - is a contest, and a contest which the narc must ‘win’ in their own eyes. If you have a car, they have a ‘better’ car - or at least they claim to. Rinse and repeat for an entire empty and wasted lifetime. Just imagine it…

I have known narcs to do intensely evil things and some of them seem to do them for pleasure. Some say that they lack ‘empathy’, but they have enough ‘negative empathy’ to say and do things for the sole purpose of hurting a person. Then that person is criticised further for ‘over-reacting’ to ‘a little joke’. If you want to know whether their behaviour is ‘evil’ or not, I suggest you place close attention to the things which please them, and how those things please them.

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/Are-narcissists-good-people-who-are-just-bad-to-be-around-They-dont-seem-to-understand-humans-Is-there-an-inherently

[tellomon]

Do narcissists ever
really forget you?

A narcissist won't forget you, even if they act like nothing happened. Once they're done with you, it might seem like they move on quickly, but they don't. If you've been with someone for a long time, you can't forget them overnight. Even though a narcissist lacks empathy, they remember you and the benefits you brought to their life. They are extremely jealous and still think you belong to them, even after you've left.

A narcissist won't forget what you gave them or how you made them feel. They're addicted to control and always want to know what you're doing. They will never get over their need for control and the pleasure it brings them. Like an alcoholic hiding a bottle, a narcissist knows where you are and keeps track of you.

The relationship with a narcissist was an illusion, and so is their behavior afterward. They may seek revenge and blame you for everything because you didn't meet their expectations. A narcissist believes their own lies and finds it easier to blame you and make you feel like the problem.

A narcissist's happiness is just an illusion. They may come back when new relationships don't meet their needs. They are afraid you'll move on and be happy without them. To them, everything is black and white; if you're doing well, they feel like they're losing.

A narcissist leaves not because of you, but because of their own issues. They might appear happy with someone new but can always find a reason to come back to you. They won't be honest about their feelings, just as they weren't when you were together.

You'll hear from a narcissist again because they can't forget what you offered them. They remember you as the person who exposed them and escaped their control, but they'll see you negatively. You won't forget what they did, which helps you keep them out of your life. You deserve peace and better treatment.
_____________________________

I am so very sorry. No. They don’t miss you.

They don’t miss your jokes, because they didn’t actually think they were funny in the first place. They don’t miss going out with you, because they were paranoid the whole time of bumping into one of their other targets.

They don’t miss spending the night with you, because that was just a necessary thing they had to tolerate in order to get laid. They don’t miss the phone calls, because they never really had any interest in what you had to say, anyway.

They wanted to see if they could catch your eye.
And, they did.

They wanted to see if they could entertain you and get you interested in talking to them.
And, they did.

They wanted to see how you would react if they told you everything you wanted to hear.
And, they did.

They wanted to know if they could.
So, they did.

It was all for show. The whole entire thing was for show, and to see if they could. And, now that it’s done, they aren’t interested in you. They just wanted to know how you would respond to them. So, they found out, and that was enough for them. They’re done now and moving along. I’m so sorry.

No. They don’t miss you, because they never actually wanted you.

PLEASE KNOW:

It isn’t because your jokes aren’t funny. They’re humor is broken.

It isn’t because you aren’t worthy of going on a date. You’re magnificent, and deserve such treatment. It’s that you aren’t the only one they were grooming.

It isn’t because sleeping next to you is torturous. You are a comfort, for sure. They just don’t know how to be comforted.

It isn’t because you don’t have anything interesting to say. It is because they are so self absorbed, they cannot imagine the experiences you are telling them. So, holding a conversation is tedious, to them.

None of these things is because you are lacking in anything. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY worth missing. They just don’t have the capacity to do so. I am so sorry. They lied about all of it.
_______________________________

No, they cannot genuinely miss you, as in you as a person — your values, beliefs, personality and identity.

They only miss what you provided them, which was their narcissistic supply source. They miss what they could take from you. They miss having an emotional punching bag they could abuse to pump up their egomaniacal delusions.

They miss having a person that trusted them which allowed them to hide things, lie, cheat and steal at their pleasure. They miss having someone to manipulate and use. They miss all of that in you because maintaining a victim is easier than hunting, snaring and securing a new victim.
______________________________

Yes, narcissist do miss people, but I have found the narcissists in my life miss you in the way they miss a misplaced tool. What I mean is they miss having the use of you in the same way they do a favorite screwdriver.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-ever-really-forget-you

[tellomon]

 

[tellomon]

What are narcissists
best at?

Their true talent, the gift in which they excel, is to hurt and destroy the people who love them the most.
___________________________

They're very good at analyzing people.

They're skilled at studying and observing your reactions to see how you handle certain situations. For example, when they don't call you back, they pay attention to your response. This helps them gauge whether they can manipulate you further.

When you have strong boundaries and hold them accountable without wavering, the narcissist understands they can't manipulate you easily. They observe these small details from the beginning. If you're someone who lets things go or doesn't make a big deal out of it, let's say the narcissist ghosted you multiple times, they realize they can cheat on you because you don't confront them or take action, yet you remain in the relationship.

Narcissists can identify who they can manipulate and who they can't. That's why they study you, to understand how to manipulate you effectively. They assess how much you're willing to tolerate and how much you won't tolerate.
____________________________

Lying. How do you know they are lying? Their mouths are moving. Believe nothing they ever told you or even showed you. Don’t even believe their name.

Destroying their own lives. Anything they ever did failed, and anything they ever will do will fail. Their mental maggots will self-sabotage every. single. time.

Self-hatred. They know deep down they are worthless. That is why they require the praise or negative energy of others. It fuels them.

Worst Parent Award (this counts: being best at being the worst). Ghosts the other parent or accuses them of something hideous so they must stay away. Won’t let even a teen out of their sight. Puts the kid’s safety at risk by the revolving door of supply, including whores.

Puts themselves over the kid. My NarcoPath became a stripper and made the teen come to the show—kid is probably scarred. We were done then, but the past supply told me about it, and there was video. Also, NarcoPath, manipulates kids and makes them feel bad about being kids. NarcoPath would not buy the kid good food or would guilt the kid by having only the kid eat and say things like, “There is not enough for me, but I can do without…” (OK, histrionic).

Cheating. If you don’t think your narc cheated, please go get tested for STD’s anyway because they did.

Masters of the Temporary Mask. They are the best I ever met at creating an illusion of a great person. But it falls off shortly after to reveal the cruel tornado shite show.

Wasting Money. Classes they don’t attend, degrees they never finish, projects unfinished and left to collect dust. Car that is luxury brand and nice outside but transmission and engine are shite. Buying expensive gifts for others to impress but not enough money to pay their own bills. NarcoPath paid for friends’ luxury vacation but literally bought me nothing for a holiday.

Looking Good. And they will tell you. And they will want you to tell them. They go to yoga and the gym and dance to maintain that hot body. But it doesn’t last. However, their rotten shite brain and moral repugnance lasts forever.

Stealing. Check your stuff. They stole something…guaranteed.

Hurting People. Using all of the above, plus abuse and gaslighting and discard. And it hurts now, but it won’t forever.

Best Slob. I will bet your Narc had a dirty house or hoarder house. you might have had to clean up after them if you lived together, or you would get to live in squalor.

Being Stuck and Remembered as a Revolting Human Forever and Ever. They are stuck being them. As I said before, they are Oogie Boogie from The Nightmare Before Christmas, but at least he was funny. Take that sack off of them and all they are inside are maggots. Sorry to insult maggots. Imagine that life.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-narcissists-best-at

[tellomon]

Can a narcissist act like they are in love? Can they convince themselves that they are?

Yes, narcissists are quite adept at acting like they are in love. Often, they really are infatuated with someone in the beginning of a relationship, so it's debatable whether or not it's an act. As they aren't capable of actually loving anyone, it isn't real but they can believe it is…for a while.

But until their infatuation (lust or obsession) wears off, they can act completely besotted with you to the point that you are convinced this narcissist loves you more than anyone ever has.
_____________________________

I suspect that “I love you” goes through a filter in a narcissist’s brain before it exits their lips.

What they really mean to say is, “I love the way you make me feel” or “I love the things you give me.” Their feelings of love, then, are directly related to all things positive that they associate with you—good times, good sex, good company, good (fill in the blank here). “Love” is one big happy hormone party; it’s a very selfish emotion.

Which isn’t the same thing as “I love you”. Not at all. To really love someone, you have to be okay with a lot of things. You have to be okay with being disappointed in them at times. Pissed off at them sometimes. You have to actively admit that there are some things that you really don’t like about them … but there are far more positive things about them than there are negatives.

Narcissists, as I understand it, are very easy to disappoint. They’re not good with disappointment, or being bored or let down in any way, shape, or form. They view every imperfection as a fatal flaw.

So I think that they are lying to two people: to themselves, and the person they tell, “I love you.”
______________________________

Yes, they will.

Some of them don’t love you, know it and only pretend; during the love bombing phase. Who they really are comes out when they start being abusive; during devaluation.

For others, they truly believe they’re in love. The narc I was married to is a covert. He was able to seem in love because he behaved as if he was (during love bombing).

The truth is; he was high on supply, the attention he was getting and the love I felt for him. He didn’t marry me because he loved me, he married me because I loved him.

Narcissists are addicts. Without supply, they would have to face themselves and most of them have no desire to self reflect and face the fact they’re the common denominator is a trail of broken hearts and relationships.

When the relationship ends, they immediately get into another one. They’re “in love” again. If the new relationship ends, same thing. On to the next and they’re “in love” with them too. A pattern emerges and finally, you realize just how toxic they were and are.

In love? No, not love. It’s really self centered attention seeking.

The addict looking for their next fix. An endless yearning to fill a void that they’ll never fill.

https://www.quora.com/Can-a-narcissist-act-like-they-are-in-love-Can-they-convince-themselves-that-they-are

[tellomon]

Do narcissists really feel empty inside?

If you’ve experienced their abuse, you know what’s really going on inside them.

When a narcissistic relationship reaches a certain point, two things often happen:

Loss of Good Feelings: The things that once made the narcissist feel good and caused them deep envy are now gone.

Negative Feelings Take Over: They are left with feelings they don’t want to face, like confusion, betrayal, anger, and worthlessness. You become a reflection of their unwanted true self.

After this shift, the narcissist may feel:

Powerful: They feel strong for having defeated someone they see as an enemy.

Amused: They take pleasure in watching you struggle with feelings that they themselves couldn’t handle.

Validated: They believe they are better than you because they think they made you feel this way.

If only they were truly empty inside.
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It is said that they feel empty inside. That they don't have a life as the rest of us know it. They feel that they've got nothing going for them. That's why they mirror and copy other people. Part of their "filling up" is done in this way.

They will do this to fit in with another individual or a group. Their acting is carefully planned to get where they want to be, usually close to a potential victim. Once involved in the life of another person, as a friend, a lover, a business arrangement or whatever, they proceed to suck that person dry of energy, money, or anything they can get.

This is more of their filling up, however it's insatiable, they keep doing it. They are never truly "full".
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Nobody's home. A blow up doll has more emotion and life. If you keep looking ya might find a little dirty boy or girl crying for their mama. I wouldn't go there, the li'l demon child might bite you.

Or you'll find the fictitious narc in there with a superman costume on. Don't go there either.

In the movies, a person will knock on the door. After no one answers, they will open the door that somehow is always unlocked

“Hello? ….helloooo? Narc are you home?”

After you get silence, run. And i mean run like bloody Hell.

You're getting ready to walk in on psychotic episode of evil clowns, demons, demonic self, children's toys everywhere, hearing a little kid constantly crying “maaaaawmmmeee, where are you?”

Go in and try to go up the stairs if you want to! After you're midway up the stairs, everything goes black. You're in complete darkness hearing circus music. Followed by clips of your narc as a kid severely abused and or neglected. Make it to the top being nosey. I wont be there. The black person always dies first!

After I ring the doorbell, I'm out.

I'll stand in the street looking though. Nightmare on Elm street live? And I'm safe? I gotta see this. You'll unknowingly walk into the bottomless Pit that is going to suck every normal thing out of you. Spit you back out with nothing but the shell of you.

Stay at the door. Don't go in.
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In my opinion, what makes us human is love, happiness, being kind and facing the truth. Life can be that simple.

When I am kind to others, I feel happier. When I face the truth, life makes more sense to me.

Now if you try to think the way narcissists lead their lives, all becomes heavy and complicated. Their lives become a complex day full of lies, cheating, rages, drama and so many strategies to destroy. What do you think such a human can feel inside?

Most probably great fear of pay back from the victims and what can they look forward to?

More of the same.

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/Do-narcissists-really-feel-empty-inside

[tellomon]

What do narcissists lack?

Narcissists (People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder) lack the following:

Genuine Self-Esteem - Narcissists cannot form accumulative self esteem the way a non-narcissist can; instead they adopt Grandiosity - a sort of short cut to Fast-Track Self Esteem as a way to fill the gap.

Emotional Empathy - Brain scans taken of diagnosed narcissists have revealed that they lack much grey matter in the anterior singulate cortex, a part of the brain that generates and harbors emotional empathy - they tend to experience little to no emotional empathy for other people.

Whole Object Relations / Object Constancy - WOR is the ability to see one’s self and others in an integrated and realistic way involving both liked and dislike parts; Object Constancy is the ability to still retain positive regard or attachment to someone even when you are upset with them - per expert Elinor Greenberg PHD, without WOR/OC you can only see yourself and other people as either All-Good OR All-Bad, with No grey or in-between.

Ability to experience Long-Term Satisfaction - Self-Aware narcissists here on Quora will tell you that they cyclically experience.

Happiness for others or themselves.
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Empathy, mostly.

Plus morals, self control, ability to be humble, parenting skills, ability to love whole- heartedly. Manners.

And sometimes you believe they have no soul either.

And possibly a heartbeat.
________________________________

Self awareness, personal identity, self esteem, a moral compass, compassion, ability to truly love another, backbone, self control, self reflection. True happiness.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-narcissists-lack

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists
tell lies?

Narcissists are pathological liars. Narcissists lie because they feel as if they have a right to whatever they want, whenever they want, however they want. They lie to ensure they're able to dominate, manipulate, exploit, and silence people. They lie to maintain their false reality, and they lie because the truth makes them uncomfortable.

Narcissists also experience extreme shame; they feel shame when people find out they have made a mistake. A narcissist doesn't want to look flawed at any cost to avoid being shamed.

The worst thing is that narcissists believe they are telling the truth. Narcissists just want to see themselves as right and perfect in front of people, so they keep lying.

Narcissists lie to save themselves, not because their honesty will hurt you.
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They don’t have a sense of their own self. They don’t see people as individuals. They don’t think that they will last wherever they are. They are concerned with delusions of grandeur and are constantly future faking themselves.

They lie because they need you to say what they want to hear, so they tell you what you want to hear. They want a mirror. They want a fiction of their own self, and they want YOU to be the guardian of that fake borrowed self they invented.

They manipulate you to get what they want. They keep you around as long as you are of use to them. They are con artists.
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Duper's Delight! They enjoy playing mind games to see if they can get you to buy into some BS. When they succeed they feel superior. Even though actually being a liar makes them inferior to an honest person when it comes to being honest. But they don't see it that way, they don’t value honesty, they value winning, by hook or by crook.

They are only looking for the win NOT for the truth. So they will try any line of BS to test how gullible you are, with small lies to begin with, to see how much manipulative behavior they can get you to accept and persuade you they are still a “good” person.

They are “the people of the lie” If you stay in a relationship with a known liar, you are not winning; you are losing even if you succeed in proving they are lying in that instance. Once you get that niggling doubt that you are not getting the whole story don't wait for the other shoe to drop – get out while the gettin’ is good.

As M. Scott Peck says: “While they seem to lack any motivation to be good, they intensely desire to appear good. Their "goodness" is all on a level of pretense. It is, in effect, a lie. That is why they are the "people of the lie". High-Demand|Malignant Narcissism|Quotes from Peck's 'People of the Lie'|Geftakys Assembly|Spiritual Abuse & Cultic Tendencies.
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Because they are stupid and/or ignorant!

However, THEY think they are superior to everyone else, so there’s NO WAY anyone could possibly disprove/dispute/detect their constant lying. But like I said, they are actually stupid idiots who have NO idea how the real world really works and how smart the rest of us truly are!!!!

They do the same stupid, idiotic shite over and over again thinking they will get different results ‘next time’……and it just doesn’t work that way, but they keep on doing it! Their lies eventually come back to bite them in the ass as well, but they just can’t foresee the consequences….. and they pay no attention to hindsight either!

I’ve actually witnessed my ‘N-ex’ self-destruct because he tries to lie, cheat, deceive and manipulate his way out of all of the bad choices & decisions he makes. He is in complete ruins but keeps making the same bad choices & decisions over and over and over. Did I mention how STUPID they actually are????

https://decodingnarcissism.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-tell-lies

[tellomon]

Why does a Narcissist
seek to destroy?

Some reasons I found why narcissistic parents wanted to “destroy” me:

They want to destroy you because you are no longer accepting them or their toxic behavior. To be clear, the narcissist is perfectly okay with rejecting you. They especially will find the right moment in public.

A narcissist as in someone with narcissistic personality disorder lack a true sense of themselves. They must gain a sense of self through others. Further, to aggravate this mental illness, they are compelled to feel better and more powerful than others. They can only achieve this by putting people down—making people feel small.

How to stop a narcissist from destroying you?

The only thing that can stop a narcissist is by you not engaging with them.
The battle you are trying to win is not losing yourself.
Set the boundaries, GO NO CONTACT and NEVER NEVER LOOK BACK.
They are what they are and you now KNOW the TRUTH - Now continue forward.
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Inflicting pain on others is the only way they can measure who won. Winning is their personal balm it relieves a little pain from being unlovable and unworthy. Winning at least proves to the loser that he/she is the best. You lost, you are not. That feels so good, let’s play this game again.

A few minutes of gloating passes and suddenly they sense- it’s still not enough. So, they search about for someone else they can challenge, cheat, or simply beat. This time they need to hear the pain, see the pain, and witness the pleading of full surrender before they stop. Maybe blood will prove that I won. That’s glorious this time for hours.

Then the need to hurt someone badly just to feel OK bubbles up.

That’s the feeling they crave again.

But, they have to find an innocent victim to assault. Perhaps they can do this to a friend, employee, parent, sibling, stranger, child, dog, baby, anyone. Being such a coward they need to find a victim who will not talk. They realize they need someone to make this happen.

“Someone pure and innocent will never squeal, if I make them fall in love with me.” Hmmm, how about a “willing volunteer” that I can train to take it daily? What do I have to do to get someone I don’t know to abuse?

Then one day, they decide “to confuse the volunteer by making them fall in love with me very deeply. Charm them, love them, say all those loving things - then abuse them whenever I can.” They copy famous lovers from the movies.

That goes on like this until the challenge feels disgusting to continue beating someone that foolishly is still in love with me. So, oops the next beating is too severe. Threats are made. Time to run. Find a recruit to train and test, just this time do a better job.

Who will be my next “willing volunteer?”

This is what their life becomes.

Some get so good they can be sneaky about it. Covert acts causes emotional pain, but staying put to hurt the willing victims slowly over many decades. That requires many more devices in their toolbox. Revenge, torture, and betrayal blend into a lethal mix. But the pain is torturous and can be savored for many years. Some narcissists prefer never getting caught because they fear their own beat down coming from a cop, judge, or their cellmate.

Victims of a covert narcissist often feel as they are struggling against a phantom brooding cloud. One should understand that all these micro-changes in behavior are just the disorder seizing new opportunities in exploiting someone who loves or is completely innocent of what is coming next. This disorder is not logical to the recruit, so they bring more love to heal the wounds of the narcissist. A job that can only be accomplished by that exact predator who secretly covers up who he/she is in public.
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Because they know they are trash people who cannot become anything better, and they carry a lot of hostility and hold grudges for a lifetime; and so, what better way to get back at the world than to destroy an innocent person who loves them?

Think about it, they want to destroy an innocent person, who also loves them.

That trauma bond they give you is the equivalent of what they want to do to themselves, but they are too cowardly.

Instead of destroying themselves, they intend to destroy you.

Trash. I mean, who does that?

Only someone who is pure trash.

https://explorenarcissism.quora.com/Why-does-a-Narcissist-seek-to-destroy

[tellomon]

.

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists like
to waste your time?

When the narcissist wastes your time, you begin to fall behind. You stop doing the things that make you stronger; you stop doing things that attract attention to you. Instead you chase your tail; you chase the marvellous person you think is hidden inside the narcissist.

This is a waste of time because that person doesn't exist. With your help, the narcissist cobbled this character together in order to keep you wasting your time trying to force the narcissist to put on that character, when they really don't want to.

You'll have to bribe them.

Even if they did want to put this character on, or even if it were really them, you’d still just waste time gazing at them adoringly all day long. Don't feel bad though —

you're definitely not the only one whose time the narcissist is wasting.
_____________________________________

Because they know your time is more precious than theirs, and it hurts.

In the same amount of time a neurotypical would see a beautiful day, a narcissist would see how much more beautiful the day could be and waste the whole thing.

They waste your time because they're angry, bitter, no fun to be around and jealous.

And sometimes they waste your time because they literally can not believe that they are.
_________________________________

One of the first main points that victims and targets need to understand is that the narcissist is using you for your ENERGY. Energy is also monetary in a sense. For example, how many Dior purses did you purchase for your female ex-narcissist, and if so, how many hours of your salaried or hourly wages was that? Everything comes from energy, and your energy was stolen to pay for their needs.

These people are just truly evil and will use you up until you have no more to give. Then they steal from you too, use your credit, and use you for sex all the while telling you “I love you.”

They don’t love you, they love what you can do for them.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-like-to-waste-your-time

[tellomon]

Is a narcissist capable of becoming a nice person?

Absolutely not!

It's a lifetime condition. Narcissists can't become nice people. To become a nice person, you need to have good morals, positive thinking, honesty, loyalty, caring, understanding, and integrity. Narcissists don't have anything positive. Just think they don't have anything good in them. If narcissists are doing good for someone or people, they have motives.

Narcissists are selfish, parasitic, selfish, and abusive. Narcissists only want their needs met. Whatever narcissists want, they will take it; it doesn't matter whether they are using unhealthy tactics. Narcissists will behave badly in every field. Another problem is that narcissists are pathologically jealous and envious, so they just can't see anyone doing good.

If narcissists had the ability to change, then there wouldn't have been so many complaints from people worldwide.

Narcissists are going to remain evil forever.
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Absolutely! A person with narcissistic personality disorder can become a VERY NICE person. They do so to manipulate and satisfy whatever their primal urges lust for. My ex was a VERY NICE person to me for many years. Little did I know during those years where I thought our love was growing, he was actively stealing my identity and cloning me prolifically.

His crafty smear campaign against AllThingsTerry was well under way. In fact, after investing 20+ years with this VERY NICE, but lazy as f*ck, unmotivated, brainfucker, and saboteur of AllThingsTerry, I only saw the real him a few years after he left…why then? Because he wanted me to.

These pricks are twisted and sick and deviant beyond the imagination of most folks. IF one is being “nice” to you, look around and ask questions…set up a few tiny cameras, because when they are “nice”, they are stabbing your back with that familiar smirk on their faces.

Dichotomous.

Chameleon.

Machiavellian.

Two…no, more like TWENTY-FACED (one for everyone with whom they are currently conning).

Masters of mimicry (They seem so perfect at first, don’t they?)

Looking back at my wasted time, had I only invested a few bucks in a tiny camera, I could have saved myself from a lot. I could have replaced him with a real man, a nice man. Looking back helps me to better understand what happened and when.

When MY ex was nicest to me, the timing correlates to him f*cking other married men in our rural community. When MY ex was nicest to me, he was generating clones of me and crafting usernames to bait other men, like “boygozdown”. When MY ex was nicest to me it was ONLY to ensure his ongoing ability to do horrible things to me.

Give up on your Pollyanna thinking. Figure out why you are tolerating garbage in your life. Spend some time alone without a romantic interest. Like, a few years, at least. Get into therapy. Pray. Pray. Pray. Get sober (if you are not yet). Address your fears, voids, and flaws NOW, and then, ENJOY THIS BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE OF LIFE.
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No and let’s not use the word “nice".

People who aren’t narcs need to learn to be LESS nice and to have some bark and bite and self interest and to not allow “empathy” to be used against them as a weapon.

Narcissists are not capable of behaving in non violent ways they are control freaks And masters of disguise they don’t change no . Your only choice is to get out ASAP and unfortunately depending.

On the type the reason they are so effective with the abuse is because they prey on people and then end up staying with people who have high levels of empathy and who are more patient and can self regulate . This is a recipe for disaster.

F*CK “NICE “.

Learn how to say NO.
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How can you ask if a narcissist can become a nice person? I assume you mean kind caring and concerned for people?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is having NO empathy.

What is the key to being nice? Caring about people

What do you need to care about people?

EMPATHY

If you are in a relationship with someone you know has NPD and you lack the insight to understand what that means on a basic level please seek therapy before deciding to stay so they can explain properly that this is not something that can be changed.
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They are truly extraordinary.

At first, they exude the utmost kindness, charm, consideration, humor, gallantry, and empathy one could ever encounter.

Yet, once you let your guard down, all those qualities vanish into an abyss, never to return.

Then, after disintegrating your spirit with their manipulative verbal assaults, they revert to being the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful and caring person you've ever known—until they inevitably aren't.
_______________________________

They are often capable of masking their intentions by being “nice” as a tool to deceive and manipulate others, but until they cease to become narcissists the answer would be no. People are capable of changing, it happens more than people think, but they have to change because they want to, not as a manipulation tool.

https://abnormalpsychology101.quora.com/Is-a-narcissist-capable-of-becoming-a-nice-person

[tellomon]

Can a narcissist realize they lost a real one?
If they can,
what do they do?

BWAHAHAHA! That is the reaction most people who have survived a relationship with a narcissist will have to that question.

Why? Because, sweetheart, every single person who gets involved with those lovers from Hell, seriously believe that they are “the one.” That's what narcissists do that is so destructive to our psyches.

These are things they tell you to make you believe they actually think you are what they have been searching for their entire life:

YOU AND YOU alone are what they need to complete them.

YOU understand them and no one else ever has.

YOU make them want to be a better man/woman.

Until YOU, they had never made love, only had meaningless sex.

YOU are their soulmate.

YOU are the first person they have ever trusted.

They love YOUR innate intelligence because it makes you capable of having a real conversation instead of mindless babble.

YOU must have been lovers in a past life because the connection between you is so strong.

As long as they have YOU, their life has real meaning.

YOU are the cure for their insomnia.

YOU have all the traits they want in a life mate.

If YOU ever leave, they will never be able to love again.

Every relationship they had dims when compared to what they have with YOU.

YOU are strong, beautiful, sexy, intelligent, kind, generous, unselfish and moral. No one in their lives has ever been so perfect.

They have never experienced real love before YOU. Being with you has made them realize that.

They want to spend the rest of their life trying to make YOU as happy as you make them.

They can't understand how it's possible that someone as wonderful as YOU could actually love them.

They believe YOU are their twin flame and unless you are with them, they will never be whole.

YOU are the only person who can save them from themselves.

THEY LOVE YOU. TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH. WITH EVERY FIBER OF THEIR BEING. MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. MORE THAN WEALTH OR FAME. THEY LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU. THEY REALLY LOVE YOU.

Bulls**t. Bulls**t. Bulls**t. The things they tell you are well used and field tested to prove they will work on even the most savvy and intelligent people alive.

Narcissists are clever. They know that if they bombard you with the sweetest, most endearing things anyone has ever said to you, YOU are likely to fall under their spell.

Lol, one of my favorite bulls**t lines from my ex was when he was talking about how much he loved his favorite ice cream which was “cookies and cream.” He looked up from his dish of it, reached across the table to take my hand and kissed it. Then, still holding my hand, he said:

“Until you, I've never had a “cookies and cream” relationship.“

Yeeech. Remembering those cloying, disgusting, over the top, tools of manipulation that regularly came out of that man's mouth, now trigger a gag reflex.

How can any thinking, sensible human being actually believe the garbage a narcissist spews? It's incredible but it works on us. We believe.

We are the “ONE.”

But so is every other person the narcissist has been in a relationship with before you. So will be every person who comes after you.

YOU are not the ONE. You are simply one more notch on their bedpost. One more mark who was taken in by a con artist. One more trusting person who was looking for an angel and ended up in bed with the devil.

You are just ONE more in a long line of people who believed they were actually special to a narcissist.

You weren't.
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Narcissists live in a fake and phony world, in which they constantly fantasize, using other people as unwilling participants in their little plays.

They are not interested in real, they hate real because it involves hard work, which is real boring. Life is painfully dull to the narcissist, so they need to overlay the world with fantasy just to remain insanely sane.

Far from wanting to get you, the realist lil *mpath back, narcissists loathe genuine people who get attention based on their honesty and authenticity. These are the kind of people they want to keep at a distance, as they effortlessly and accidentally narcissistically injure the narcissist — they'd sooner geld themselves with a spoon than hang out with real people. Besides, if you were at all real, you wouldn't care what some narcissist thought,

Because it's all fake and phony, just like them.
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Alright, let me break it down for you! When a narcissist realizes they've lost you forever, they go into a tailspin. Picture a ship that just got hit by a massive torpedo—chaotic, aimless, desperate.

First thing they'll do is PLAY VICTIM. They'll cry crocodile tears to anyone who will listen, framing you as the villain. "Oh, I gave them everything, and they still left me!" They'll say, as if they didn't suck the life out of you like a leech. They'll make sure their pain is on display for the whole world to see, hoping for a pity party.

Second, they'll PROJECT like they're in an IMAX theater. "You're the narcissist! You're the one who needs help!" They'll twist reality to paint themselves as innocent, taking the spotlight off their manipulation. Classic! It's a defensive maneuver straight out of the Narcissist's Playbook.

Next comes REVENGE MODE. They'll try to sabotage anything positive in your life. They'll badmouth you to friends, family, and even at work. They'll stalk your social media, looking for any sign of your happiness so they can crush it. It's because your well-being is a slap to their ego.

Fourth, they might DANGLE THE CARROT of reconciliation. "I’ve changed. I realize now how much I’ve hurt you. Let's talk." It's their sneaky way to get a foot back into your life. They'll say whatever they need to say, do whatever they need to do to reel you back in. But remember, it's all a game to them.

Then, comes the SHAMELESS REPLACEMENT phase. They'll flaunt a new person around like a shiny new toy, making sure you see it. Social media posts, public outings—anything to provoke jealousy. It's their way of saying, "Look, I’m still desirable! Look what you missed out on!" Desperate, isn’t it?

But here’s the kicker—they'll CRUMBLE INTERNALLY. Oh, they'll never show it. The bravado, the posting, the projection—it's all a mask. Deep down, they're devastated because you slipping through their fingers exposes the gaping void inside them. They aren’t capable of genuine love, but they love the control and attention you gave them.

And eventually, they'll move onto another victim. That’s all you ever were—a source of supply. Someone they could extract their narcissistic needs from. It's a relentless cycle, a never-ending quest to fill their bottomless pit of an ego.

So, remember, while it seems like a whirlwind of chaotic responses, it all boils down to one thing: their Fragile. Egotistical. Self. Once they’ve lost you, they’re spiraling out of control, desperately trying to regain that power, that superiority.

But YOU? You're free. Free from their toxicity. Free from their manipulation. Their chaos is no longer your chaos. You've won, and that fact alone is what destroys them the most. Stay strong and keep moving forward. Never look back.

Boom! There it is. That’s what happens when a narcissist realizes they've lost you forever.

https://www.quora.com/Can-a-narcissist-realize-they-lost-a-real-one-If-they-can-what-do-they-do

[tellomon]

How can a narcissist be surprised when you kick them out of your life
after years of abuse?

Yes.

They thought you were bluffing. Their system tells them you may threaten it, but you will never leave. If they did their job properly, you are too insecure/poor/isolated to think about it- so it means they did something wrong- and narcissists don’t like that.

They don’t actually care about you leaving- they never loved you, so it doesn’t much matter, but it is a blow to the ego, and they will have to regroup, smear you in case you tell tales about them, and get a replacement asap (they will always have a few side supplies they can rely on).

But the priority now is not the narcissist- it is you, and getting you through this to recovery. Well done- you have done the most difficult bit, now you need to block the narcissist, so the manipulations stop (they will make a point of trying to get you back to show their power over you, and so they can do the leaving ) and learn about narcissism, so you know what comes next.

You are not out of the woods yet- you have to rebuild your life, reconnect with your old friends, rebuild your self esteem, and go through the pain of giving up on your dream- but you can do it. And the more you know about narcissism, the easier it will be. The best book I found for this purpose is Is There A Narcissist In Your Life? Amanda Clymont, Amazon.

It is a good general guide, without psychobabble. It covers romantic relationships but also goes into narcissism generally, and narcissists as bosses, colleagues, friends, so it is a good guide to how to deal with them. Importantly, it also has a checklist of traits-red flags- so you can learn to identify them, and then you can live a narcissist-free life. You will never regret it.
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NO.

They perfectly know what they are all about and so, know that each relationship will always fail. For them as long as the daily supply is secured, that is enough.

Believe because it really is.
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Yes. When they realize you’re actually not coming back this time, it shocks them to their very core. You may have left them/stormed out of the house etc several times before, and they thought this was one of those times. But nope. This time you actually blocked them and cut off all communication because you simply had enough. And their pathetic little minds cannot comprehend this. Their house of cards crumbles.
_______________________________

Deep inside they are not surprised at all. Actually they are more surprised you stayed so long.

But a narcissist would act surprised, to blame you for everything.

It's nothing wrong to have boundaries. It's actually important to have to protect yourself. A narcissist hates that. So when the narcissist cross the boundaries and you leave. The narcissist understand why, but act surprised and blame you for everything that happened in the relationship. Even if you didn't do anything wrong at all.

Never take back a narcissist. It will be even worse the next time.
_____________________________

They are, and they aren't.

They've planned this out from the start- to get all of the “supply” they can out of you for as long as they can, (sex, money you give them, etc.)

And once you begin refusing to give them those things- they begin to focus almost solely on their other victims.

They still will come back to you if you leave the door open- that's why you need to completely block them on everything and never speak to them again.
______________________________

They are both surprised and not surprised. I think on some level they know their behavior will drive people away but their little minds really hope they can keep being abusive and you will just stay and take it.
_______________________________

Yes, definitely.

And it will be the worst rejection ever, so would you want to get back together at a later date (after they told you they’ve changed), it will be payback on steroids. Because a) it proves that you can’t live without them, b) you are desperate and nobody else wanted you and c) the reasons you left them for, were not that bad since you’re going for Round 2.

They believe they are good people and all the issues are due to your insecurities, because of your neediness, you being petty etc. They just think they are living their lives like everybody else and you are the one trying to nitpick on everything and cause trouble.

The reasons you will give them to leave will also be dismissed as being petty, you not being invested anyway and using them, etc.

But when they realize that they can’t manipulate you in staying, all the niceness to get you to stay around will evaporate and it will get nasty.
_________________________________

They are “surprised” at how long it took you to “figure” them out.

It’s like for them you’ve finally won the Nobel Prize.

Once you set the boundaries then it’s time for the finale “speech” before they have to “walk away” from you. They do this intentionally because every relationship that failed for them ended in the same result of someone leaving them behind after a while of deceiving, conniving and abusing.

It’s their grandiosity and entitlement that keeps them a little “surprised”.

Apparently they see us as “property”. They don’t think that their little doormats want that fight or have the guts. There would be hell to pay. Underestimation is your best friend. They don’t like it when you discard them.

You get to narc the narc! Cut that fuel line and leave them scrambling with no back up. It’s gratifying. I’m glad I did it. It was the right thing to do. Give them what they’ve been begging for… but do it with the element of surprise…ABANDONMENT.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-a-narcissist-be-surprised-when-you-kick-them-out-of-your-life-after-years-of-abuse

[tellomon]

It takes 18–24 months to have your nervous system calm down after narcissistic abuse. Many more therapists are seeing PTSD after narcissistic abuse driving the psychological community to put “narcissistic abuse syndrome” in a future DSM. Healing from these relationships are difficult because the conditioning and intermittent reward / punishment used causes victims /survivors to have to work on feeling safe in the world even after the relationship ends. Many survivors describe their experience as seeing “evil” or a “ monster” and this is very different than breaking up with someone and just being mad. Keep healing survivors .

[tellomon]

           

             

Maximum Overdrive

A group of people try to survive when machines start to come alive and become homicidal.
When Earth passes through the tail of Rea-M rogue comet, the machines come to life and start to kill mankind. A group of survivors is under siege from fierce trucks at the Dixie Boy truck stop gas station and they have to fight to survive.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091499/

[tellomon]

What happens after you
humiliate a narcissist?

Do NOT EVER intentionally try to publicly "humiliate" a narcissist. It's hard enough to stay on the eggshells to keep from unintentionally "humiliating" the narcissist.

Intentionally "humiliating" people is the narcissist favorite pastime. Unless you are totally prepared to go for the kill or engage in a lifetime war, DON'T do it.

You're going to wind up wrestling with a pig, you're going to get dirty, and the pig is going to like it. There IS a much better way of dealing with a narcissist and that is ignoring them when they're trying to humiliate you.

A narcissist will often expose their true selves to other people by trying to "humiliate" a person who is doing nothing to them except ignoring them. When you ignore a narcissist, you ARE "humiliating" THEM.
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Hell breaks open!! They will dispute what you're saying and call you a liar to your face. They will be so angry, and the outcome will not be pretty. Rage will show it's ugly face.
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They will lose their mind because they can no longer control you for one. Their biggest fears are abandonment, rejection, humiliation, shame, and being exposed for who they really are to the people they have manipulated.

I recently caught a narc ex gf cheating but didn’t tell her I knew. I strung her along for a month to get some money she owed to me (I got every penny even though she tried everything to get out of paying me). I then contacted her ex bf (who she fought to keep me away from as she abused and cheated on him for 10 years, she REALLY didn’t want me getting his side of the story).

He told me everything about what a terrible person she is. We went out to eat, took a selfie together, and I posted it on social media. When she saw it she went ballistic and texted me “what you have done is the most hurtful thing anyone could possibly do to me.” I then replied thanks for my money, that I knew she was cheating on me and a total whore, and have fun explaining all this to all your friends, family, and children (they saw the post too).

She’s a 35 year old single mommy with two baby daddy’s and a lying, selfish, trashy, alcoholic, skank. All her friends, her kids and her family loved me. She can’t play the victim in this situation. I’d say I won the war, especially since this closes the door forever and I will never go back to her.

Catching a mentally ill person cheating is a total blessing. You can now walk away permanently and start the process of truly healing.
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It makes them crazy(er).

Not only have they lost control over you (using gaslighting and manipulation) as someone pointed out here…they are now EXPOSED for the cons and frauds they really are! And there is nothing a narc hates more than being exposed.

They are pathological liars who often actually believe their own lies, which makes them even more believable to everyone. They build their lives on sand, and put all their energy into maintaining the illusion of who they want to believe they are.

It took me about 30 years to finally bust mine and figure out what was going on. We did NOT know what NPD was in ‘my day’ (I’m almost 71 now) and I am so glad that people are now finally seeing it!

After I busted mine for serial cheating and pathological lying - he ran in the bathroom and threw up. I posted out (w/email evidence) what he’d been doing to me for years. And all he could say was: “How could you do this to meeeee?” No - “I’m sorry” or anything else of that nature.

After all his betrayals and abuse (decades) - he still saw it as ‘me’ doing it to ‘him’. This is how they think. And now, everyone knew. Most of ‘our’ friends stayed my friends. Our sons stood by me. He was now known for what he was.

This was over a decade ago, and he has simply erased it from his mind. That is another thing they do. He even went on to betray our own child when he was dying from cancer. Again - this is what they do. They do NOT live in reality.

They do NOT grow up, and remain somewhere between 4 - 14 for their entire lives (emotionally, not intellectually). They do not understand what it means to be compassionate towards others. They demand absolute loyalty, while they give NONE!

So do not expect it to get better after they are exposed. They do NOT learn. Their behavior patterns are hard-wired into them from birth by parents who are just like them. BUT…there is some perverse satisfaction in exposing them and vindicating yourself for the years of abuse and betrayal that you could never quit put your finger on…until you do.
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Either you face revenge if you attack him out of nowhere or you will make him to respect you if your humiliation is adequate response to something he did to you.

Narcissist is not that stupid he understands what he does and only does that because he can go unpunished, and he will not risk facing your revenge just to have few seconds of pleasure if he knows that you are capable of serious retaliation.
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You will get hurt, sometimes badly.

A narcissist is very thin skinned and does not tolerate any disrespectful behavior. In their mind, they are very smart and very entitled. They need to be in control of everything and everyone around them. They are also very emotionally immature. Think about arrested development.

If you piss them off, they will throw a temper tantrum of epic proportions. It could get physical, which is not good for you. They will destroy everything you have. They will try to turn your children against you, or have them taken from you. Narcs have been known to try and get you fired.

Immediate rumors will be spread about you. A narc’s favorite rumor is that you are mentally ill. It’s not worth humiliating and mocking them. Narcissists cannot be cured. The only cure for their victims is distance and going no contact.
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So that I am clear, your goal is to gain directives that will absolutely cause injury and permanent harm to a narcissist as one has undoubtedly harmed you, correct?

I wish I had super powers that could right all the wrongs done by bad people including narcissists that would accomplish just that and set the world right again, at least for a day. However, neither you nor I can “make sure” anyone collapses just as you could not ensure that a narcissist didn’t captivate, devalue, discard then damage you on a repeating loop driving you to the point of seeking the collapse of another human being.

I understand your need for revenge and the desire to outnarc a narcissist while gaining back some semblance of your former self. This wasn’t your fault and the narcissist should pay. However there are a few things you should know about NPD before you play:

*Not everything you’ve read is true or applies to every narcissist because like you, narcissists are still people, people with individual thresholds of I don’t give a f*ck and things that will make them f*ck you up more—exposure being one of those. That’s if you can make it stick.

*Not every narcissist can be exposed as some have got that aspect covered. Playing narcissist is quite different from being a narcissist. If in fact your target is truly NPD and you are not, the revenge you plan may result in your collapse, a mighty one at that.

Narcs can be quite cruel and unrelenting when doling out punishments. Some are true believers that you deserve to suffer forever for your wrongs. If you deliberately expose a narc for the sake of embarrassment, the narc will know it’s you. Narcs are notorious grudge holders. Forever quite literally means until death.

*Narcissists covet their image and find it more important than you, so while you were in love and blind, the narcissist was steps ahead ensuring that you could never easily damage that image without further destroying yours in the process. The playing field is not equal, you are at ground zero and the narc is off living his new life which you are likely not privy to. I bet the narc knows far more about you and how to shame you.

*Since humiliation is at a narcissist’s core of greatest fears as well as one of the greatest triggers for narcissistic rage, this is likely what you will get well before you attain a narcissistic collapse. Are you prepared for the rage that will ensue from poking a narcissist and threatening the very core of his existence—a bruised ego? Think this one through.

*Unless you are a spouse or family member, you will likely not enjoy the fruits of the revenge plans you seek because you are probably no longer around—the narc has probably vanished if you know too much and is keeping you far away from his new life and adventures and has likely already discredited/smeared you.

*Collapse is the end of the road for a narcissist, not usually the direct result of one former supply causing enough injury to “end” a virile narcissist for good. You are likely not the only allies/supplies this narc has and attempts at humiliation/shame/exposure is the only tool you believe holds enough value for battle. You are mistaken.

*Narcs are master manipulators with plenty of games you haven’t thought of, so the one you have thought of is the one a narc has thwarted many times more than you have thought about it.

In the end, the lamest of the lame and seemingly most useless helpless advice is the true solution: no contact. let a narc be if he is letting you be.

It’s unfair, it sucks but narcs if they are to collapse, will do it to themselves. You won’t have the satisfaction to see it most times but that just means you’ve healed and aren’t concerning yourself with the likes of a toxic person. Revenge is exhausting, usually doesn’t go as planned and often doesn’t taste as sweet as you imagined.

Imagine this, the narc is dead to you; being ignored by you is what killed him.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-after-you-humiliate-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

Why can't narcissists just be normal? Why do they have to play all these idiotic little games?

Because they were raised in the same chaos they present to you. Getting ignored? They were ignored. Being lied to? Empty promises? Their parents lied to them and disappointed them, too.

Understand everything you’re witnessing, the narcissist had to endure as a young person. Forced to compete with siblings for the narc parents’ attention, they learned about jealousy and triangulation. They criticize you because they were criticized.

Normal people seek connection for love and companionship. The narcissist only seeks to control, and wants retribution for the abuse & neglect they suffered. Playing these little games is how they start to control your mind, by chipping away at your self-esteem and confidence.
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Most people are pretty much fully adult by their mid-20s, though this does vary a lot by individual and life experience, but most narcissists are arrested in emotional development. They’re physically and intellectually adult but are akin to toddlers emotionally.

Adult relationships of give-and-take and mutual emotional support are alien to them and they see people as things to manipulate and get supply/attention from rather than full human beings with our own needs.

So playing games and being irresponsible allows them to get what they want without putting in any effort of their own. Some (coverts especially) have enough charm and charisma to pull this off indefinitely, faking their way through jobs, marriages, social organizations, whatever. The charmers tend to have insipid fan clubs who enable and cover and flying monkey for them because they have no lives of their own.
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They aren't normal people.
They are actually not human.

Some were psychologically and physically abused by a parent or both parents as a child. They could never do anything right, by the parents standards. Couldn't measure up. Screwed their head up. The games that they play, well that goes back to their abusive childhood.

They create an entirely different “them”. Tuck the real self away. Since their false self is imaginary, they have to constantly be on guard and protect the false image. They fool lots of people, but sometimes there will be someone that will start to see through their lies and try to expose them for the hypocrite they are.

That's when They will go into full attack mode. Protecting their mask. Every mind game, manipulation tactic and lie is to keep the false self alive and believable. You can't expect something that's atypical to act normal. You can't be normal if you're not.
________________________________

They are just angry kids, who haven't grown up since age 7–10.

Think playground bullies, surrounded by ill informed or stupid followers — those are their flying monkeys.

Sadly inside, they are almost empty vessels — choosing to fill their personal void, at high cost to everything they touch.

But no intrinsic value, within and/or of themselves.

Run away. Just because they behave like raging children, doesn't mean they need to drag you down to their level.

You are better than that. Stay positive.
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The normal for them is just the way you described it. So they are their normal self playing games and manipulating people who they can take advantage off. That’s their normal. That’s how they are wired. A narcissist perceives the world as they are.

They think people are out to get them. A narcissist has trust issues and always doubt others. We see the world as we are.

You are expecting an abnormal version of them. Which ain’t gonna happen.
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The narcissist brain never matures emotionally. At whatever point (usually between ages 4–7 I believe) they endure the abuse or trauma that they were unable to understand or process, their brain reacts in ways to save itself – the body, while parts of the mind gets left behind. May not be the best explanation.. but regardless —

They end up being a person in a 27 year old; a 36 year old; a 44 year old etc., in that body – but with the mental/emotional maturity of a 5 year old or 7 year old or what have you.

Hence, you get a very very selfish person, like a child. A person who throws tantrums like a child… usually when they don't get what they want or think they deserve – which is most everything. A person who “plays games" like a child.

A person who you cannot connect with emotionally as adults.. a person who rarely or never apologies (& when they do its usually part of their “game"). A person who is never satisfied. And on & on…
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Unfortunately, they can’t. Narcissism is a mental illness.

They learned at a very early age to use these little games as a way to survive in life.

They found that manipulation, lying were not only easy ways to get what they want but it made them feel superior to others. Now as adults, they continue lying, manipulating because this gets them what they want, enables them to get away with actions in a relationship that would normally be deal breakers, and they feel not only superior to others/supply's, but it reinforces the belief that everyone is inferior to them. Games are synonymous with narcissists.

https://www.quora.com/Why-cant-narcissists-just-be-normal-Why-do-they-have-to-play-all-these-idiotic-little-games