Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

PAGE 30

Narcissists hate those they cannot manipulate or control.
7 Types of People a Narcissist Hates The Most

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMw1A_G_EQw

[tellomon]

They just suck the life out of you. Being with them is a constant struggle for sanity until you just crawl into your head and wait for death.
How the Covert Narcissist Weaponizes Against You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqUa-tlca_s

[tellomon]

The narc sure can put it out but when they meet their match....THEY SURE CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!
WHEN THE NARCISSIST MEETS THEIR MATCH

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCQcrSyv2vo

[tellomon]

Will narcissists destroy
someone’s life?

My life was destroyed by a narcissist. Sweet people pleaser in public, an abusive abomination at home in private. She systematically swept my legs out from under me and crushed my spirit and will to live.

I was demeaned, shamed, accused of cheating, over and over until my head and emotions were churning.

She almost cost me my life as I turned suicidal. I was told was not good enough for her in so many ways. I was trauma bonded and could not leave. She told me I was worthless but would not let me go.

Recovery was years in the making. I was miserable for years. Life sucked and I saw no way out.

A narcissist will destroy you with no concern for you at all.
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Let's just say the difference between them and a socio/psychopath is that Narcs have fear. From law. From authority. But they are still dangerous. They can drive people towards suicide.
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DONT f*ck with a narc. They ARE dangerous.

These are the killers of the world. Just walk away f*ck revenge…they're better at it than you for sure.

Dangerous people….very…
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Dangerous as Hell. It can escalate when you start standing up for yourself and asking questions of the Insane bullshit your being forced to accept.
_______________________________

They all are in a sense, as they're emotionally abusive. As far as physical, my ex wasn't. Too hard to hide physical abuse, and he needs everyone to think he has a bleeding heart. ( His words not mine ).

I don't know if they set out to make your life hell, as they don't think they've done anything wrong. They think anything they do to you is your fault.
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Absolutely, and without hesitation.

They will harm you, not caring if you'll be okay or not.

They can be very spiteful, and they'll keep coming up with ways to make your life miserable.

To those facing such people, turn to God for help. When someone is determined to bring you down, seek the help of the Almighty in Heaven, and you will find salvation.
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Yes, absolutely they will. You don’t have to do anything to them. They can just think you did, with no proof. Especially a covert narcissist, they are so devious and deceptive. A lie to them is completely justified if it helps them achieve their goal.

To destroy another’s life is great entertainment. They just sit back and enjoy the fireworks. They will destroy their own child without a thought.
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Yes. My life is destroyed and I have no idea how to un-destroy it. It seems just so damn simple on paper....but mentally, its the hardest thing I've ever had to try to do. Every single day....

....and he destroyed me in ways that affected my kids. I was always yelling at the kids and taking my frustrations out. I was so deep in his reality that I was really losing my mind. I suffer, my kids suffered... all because of one wretched human being that is not suffering from the loss of the family, or the house, or the kids, or the marriage.
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Oh definitely yes, the victim can expect total annihilation, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially. As soon as one sees an inkling of a red flag, meaning something isn't adding up they should immediately sever ties and go “ no contact."

Narcissists are master manipulators. They will feel absolutely no shame or guilt for their behavior or treatment of you. The situation will only get worse never better.
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Narcissists are mentally challenged in a negative way. We can surely infer that the destruction they bring down on someone's life is the outcome of their deformed brain structure. But the twist is, outwardly they seem normal like us.

Their cocoon is beautiful, attractive, magical….and we are simply awestruck and exhilarated by their pretence. What emerges is not a butterfly…..but a soul-sucking vampire.

A narcissist destroys someone's life by abusing them to such an extent that the abused becomes a shadow of their former selves.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is one of the most unfortunate episode in any one's life. We are promised a life of happiness, trust, soulfulness, positivity and mutual growth. The narc puts us on the highest pedestal, we touch the clear blue sky and float in spongy masses of cloud….only to be thrown at turbo speed in hell…. forever .

The most pathetic element in a narcissistic relationship is being thrusted into the pit of disrespect, despair and negligence after being worshipped by the narc. The narc actuality did not idealize us, but trauma bonded us. This trauma bond is real destruction.

https://www.quora.com/Will-narcissists-destroy-someone-s-life

[tellomon]

“In order to manipulate somebody, you have to know that you are lying.”
Covert Narcissists are
Damaged People

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jw84QYZUMrU

[tellomon]

They want the authority of a king, and only the responsibility of a toddler.
The Immature Mind of the Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjotVphzUKM

[tellomon]

You can hear it in this lady’s voice. She’s fed up and she’s very very wise, she ain’t lying about any of this sh!t.
The Ways the Covert Narcissist Tries to
Hurt You

@georgesontag2192
6 months ago
As more of this narcissistic information comes out, the more marriage will become obsolete. It's too risky to sign legal contracts when covert narcissist exists.

@happyhealthyblessed
8 months ago
They are so evil it’s not even funny.

@sadboi7537
8 months ago
I was ghosted/given the silent treatment twice during seriously pivotal moments toward the end of our “relationship”. She even said, verbatim, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow” during the last time we spoke to each other. Fast forward two weeks later, and absolutely nothing. No response via text or phone. I then changed my number a week or so after that and hope to never hear from that demon ever again. The mind f*ckery they put us through is mind blowing. Good riddance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fe1SyP05Jpw

[tellomon]

"The person you love most will hurt you the most".
Do you agree with this quote?

I’d paraphrase to say that the person you love most has the ability to hurt you the most, if you let them.

Love of any kind is a great feeling. Love for a spouse, children, friends, family or pets is what being human is all about.

The one thing that is persistently left off the list, though, is love for one’s self.

Loving your own character, values, efforts, contributions, resilience, determination, empathy, personality and integrity means that whatever ultimately happens where others are concerned, you will survive.

Knowing that you’ve always operated from a place of compassion and care means that you aren’t to blame and haven’t failed when those you ‘loved most’ made their own choices or went their own way. It was their prerogative.

As long as you’re breathing, you still have value and the ability to contribute positively.

https://www.quora.com/The-person-you-love-most-will-hurt-you-the-most-Do-you-agree-with-this-quote

[tellomon]

What do people benefit from emotionally abusing someone?

This is a good question, allow me to answer as best I can.

Abusers have trouble with self-esteem. They are couch potatoes, veritable parasites who live off others. They never learned how to manage their own discomfort and they have no idea how to manufacture their own self-esteem.

Every ounce of self-worth an abuser has - comes from others. They constantly need external validation of how special they are. How does this work?

Someone likes them and they like this. But it isn't enough, they need more. So they devalue the victim and watch the reaction. If the victim can't take it they leave and this upsets the toxic person.

But if they can take the abuse, and they remain - the toxic person feels so sensational they dish out even more. Little by little they garner self-esteem this way.

People who emotionally abuse others often do so to improve their own self-esteem.
______________________________

It is all in their twisted minds - but they believe by devaluing another, elevates them. It gives them a momentary emotional lift. Please remember that those who are filled w/anger and contempt towards others - are not rational, or emotionally healthy people. If you are looking for a logical reason, don’t. It is not logical or rational.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-people-benefit-from-emotionally-abusing-someone

[tellomon]

How do narcissists destroy their own relationships?

Narcissists destroy their relationships by not truly being in them.

What they destroy is the relationship you were having with yourself, along with the hope that kept you around, accepting their treatment. That’s the entire relationship: hope. The hope that your soulmate will return to the person they were during the love-bombing phase.

But narcissists move on after love-bombing, and they do so blatantly. It’s you who insists on calling that dynamic a relationship. The narcissist, on the other hand, doesn’t even realize or care that they’re supposed to be in it. They don’t aspire to be in a real relationship and likely thought they made that clear when they started devaluing you.

So, in reality, narcissists don’t destroy relationships. How can they destroy something they were never truly a part of?
___________________________

Of course, let’s dive in.

Listen up! Narcissists are the architects of their own demise. But let’s break it down, real alpha style.

First off, you have to understand that a narcissist is always in the hunt for validation. They crave admiration like a lion craves the thrill of the chase. It’s all about ego-feeding. But here's the twist – they’ll never find satisfaction. It’s an endless pit. See, they need their partner to constantly boost their self-esteem, praise them, worship their every move. It becomes a dictatorship of incessant neediness.

Now, put yourself in the partner’s shoes. At first, it might feel like you’re dating a king or queen. The charm, the confidence – it’s addicting. Narcissists can make you feel like you’re the only person in the universe. But quickly, that charm turns into control. Their partner is forced into a role of servitude. Their dreams, ambitions, even opinions start getting overshadowed – nothing more than a shadow to the narcissist's spotlight.

Which brings me to the classic cycle. Boom! The narcissist will build you up just to tear you down. Gaslighting, manipulation, making their partners question their own reality and sanity. It’s psychological warfare. Slay your spirit right down the middle so you feel like you need them. They isolate you from family, friends, caging you in their own little kingdom of chaos.

It’s their world and you're just living in it.

Eventually, the facade starts to crack. No matter how grand you think you are, people catch up. Their false self can’t hold up forever. The partner sees the truth – the insecurity, the fragility masked as grandiosity. Once that mask slips, respect is broken, trust goes out the window. It’s a house of cards collapsing inwards.

Here’s when things turn explosive. The narcissist can't handle being exposed, so they go on the offensive. Blame-shifting, calling out every fault in their partner to deflect from their own failures. Their partner, drained and depleted, either breaks away or is left as a hollow shell. The relationship becomes so toxic it implodes.

But here’s the kicker: it’s always a pattern. The narcissist never learns, never grows.

They move to the next target, bringing the same hellfire and chaos. It’s all about the next high. No introspection, no growth. Ironically, for someone so obsessed with their own greatness, they never achieve true fulfillment, never savor the tranquility of a genuine, loving relationship.

At the end of the day, a narcissist is their own worst enemy. Their endless quest for validation becomes their undoing. Every relationship burned to ashes, every bridge scorched beyond recognition. They’ll never change because they refuse to look in the mirror and see the flaws staring back.

Want to avoid this chaos? Value humility, integrity, respect. Build real connections, based on mutual growth and support. That’s the real power, the real strength – something a narcissist will never grasp. Stay sharp. Stay strong.

That’s it. That’s the truth. Real talk.

https://risingabovenarcissism.quora.com/How-do-narcissists-destroy-their-own-relationships

[tellomon]

The narcissist/psychopath uses communication as a means to control you and “stonewalling” is a passive aggressive technique used to send the message you are NOT valuable or worthy of communication.

This is especially hard to co parent with, as no issues around children gets resolved, Most people get dismantled during a silent treatment because there are questions that are NOT getting answered, and topics that receive no mutual understanding. The silent treatment is a way to assert power and should not be confused with no contact. No contact is a way to heal from narcissistic abuse. It gives the target /victim respite from abuse.

The silent treatment is a punishment for the victim/survivor to understand that they are not in control. The narcissist is in control. My domestic violence therapist says speak and stand in the truth. Many survivors will struggle to find their voice after abuse. Keep speaking up as you are worthy of your voice. Your testimony may be the road map to another’s healing journey. Keep healing survivors.

[tellomon]

Is it possible to be a narcissist and a really nice person at the
same time?

No.

My father just sent me a supposedly loving birthday card and a huge check I will not cash.

Behind my back he has smeared my name.

He has turned the entire family against me.

A musician that I know keeps sending me supposedly nice emails.

Telling me he missed my show and wanted to work with me again.

Behind my back he has smeared my name to a local promoter I actually referred him to so he could get a show.

These people have no shame, remorse and will throw you under the bus at a drop of the hat.

This includes your family, relatives, husband, wife, lover, friend.

Them being nice is all an act to reel you into their web of abuse and trick other people to get power and control.
____________________________

Yes, it is possible for someone to exhibit narcissistic traits while also being perceived as a nice person. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and not everyone who has narcissistic traits meets the clinical criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Here are a few points to consider:

Narcissistic Traits: Many people can display narcissistic traits, such as a desire for admiration or a lack of empathy, without being overtly harmful or abusive. They might still engage in kind or generous behaviors, especially if they feel those actions will enhance their image.

Situational Behavior: Individuals may behave differently in various contexts. Someone might be very charming and considerate in social settings but struggle with deeper relationships or empathy.

Social Skills: Some narcissists can be very skilled at social interactions, using their charm to create a favorable impression. This can lead others to view them as nice, even if their underlying motivations are self-serving.

Cognitive Dissonance: People can hold conflicting traits or behaviors. A person might genuinely care about others in some situations while also exhibiting narcissistic behaviors in others.

Personal Growth: Some individuals with narcissistic traits may work on self-improvement and develop greater empathy and kindness over time, leading to a more balanced personality.

In summary, it's possible for someone to be both narcissistic and nice, depending on their traits, behaviors, and the contexts in which they operate.
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Going back and forth alternating between cruel and nice is text book devaluation.

They are cruel to break your spirit, make you feel lower than a snake's belly, remove your self respect, then they will do something that in a normal relationship would hardly get noticed but in your frame of mind it seems like a very thoughtful and nice thing, it could be as simple as them bringing you a cup of coffee, then its back to the mean cruel bullshit or the silent treatment.

If this is happening to you, you need to make a conscious decision to not let it affect you. Recognise it for what it is and protect yourself.

They are trauma bonding you. This crap will give them rent free space in your head after they are long gone. It’s the foundation for an escape route for them just in case they fail with the other source and I guarantee you they have one or two of those.

Protect yourself.

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-possible-to-be-a-narcissist-and-a-really-nice-person-at-the-same-time

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

For some of us, making boundaries isn’t easy because of childhood issues. Remember a boundary isn’t to keep people out or direct them how to behave.

A boundary is what we tell others what we will and won’t tolerate for our own personhood and comfort. We Are Allowed To Have Our Boundaries. DO NOT LET THE NARCISSISTIC PERSON minimize or disregard your boundaries, as not important or fair.

Only you decide what’s fair in what you will and won’t tolerate. It’s okay for you to have a boundary and walk away when you feel you are being disrespected or having your boundaries violated. Journal it, and if it happens three times or more it’s a pattern and it’s a toxic relationship. Healthy people will respect your boundaries and discuss your discomforts. Narcissistic abuse survivors, keep Learning and Healing.

[tellomon]

.

[tellomon]

The Moment Narcissists Realize You’re No Longer Fooled!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2COzZS77qng


:tello" 'I don't wanna who they ant'tn... And the thgat are stuoid.

[tellomon]

editorial. Oooops.

[tellomon]

     

[tellomon]

This video has been removed for violating YouTube's policy on violent or graphic content

https://www.youtube.com/live/eRMSOXcFRes

[tellomon]

Narcissistic abuse is a public health issue and not a reflection of your character, but rather the maladaptive behaviors of someone, who causes ABUSE in the relational space. It’s traumatizing and destabilizing to the lives of many. It cannot be said enough “they are predators”.

[tellomon]

From: Ron Tello <m86thecat@yahoo.com>
To: Robert Farrell <keg911@aol.com>
Sent: Monday, September 23, 2024 at 03:34:58 AM PDT
Subject: Your show

This video has been removed for violating YouTube's policy on violent or graphic content


 
From:
Redacted
To:
Ron Tello

Mon, Sep 23 at 6:09 AM

Because bob let Jim dox johnny yarborough the violent part was when he showed Johnny's criminal history you can't do that so johnny there should be somewhere in the email bob got that should tell him who did it when someone is reporting youtube usually gives you a timestamp where the violation occurred once you look at the time stamp then you can know who reported you if not then youtube must have done it on its own let bob know this please.


 
From:
Redacted
To:
Ron Tello

Mon, Sep 23 at 6:19 AM

They need to stop allowing jim to do whatever he wants on their platforms he is going to get these channels did if it was on my shite I would have dropped him immediately not caring how mad he gets I don't think bob likes the idea of you being on my show I can't think of any other reason as to why he would use your avatar like that



From:Ron Tello
m86thecat@yahoo.com
To:
Redacted

Mon, Sep 23 at 1:55 PM

Hi.

Avatar is public domain, I don't care how my work is used and abused. It's actually a tad flattering.

Bob, everybody is afraid of me. It's psychology at its worst.

They will talk about me but won't talk with me.

Bob has shown himself to be a hypocrite on several occasions.

(I plan to address the issue on my show. My new equipment is on its way and when I get it....the show begins in a very unconventional way.)

I blogged a bit of it, from his community page.

Give a looksie:

https://www.ozroundtable.com/index.php?topic=510.25600

Here's the full avatar/meme Bob exploited last night.


"The show has returned".

https://www.youtube.com/live/eRMSOXcFRes

[tellomon]

From:
Redacted
To:
Ron Tello

Mon, Sep 23 at 6:11 AM

I don't know what was up with bob using your picture but when he does that he's trying to make a statement.


From:Ron Tello
m86thecat@yahoo.com
To:
Redacted

Mon, Sep 23 at 1:56 PM

Well if he is trying to offend me it's not working.

[tellomon]

      Do empaths scare people?

I don't think that scare is the right word. I would say it's more like intimidate people. I believe emotions scare people. I don't understand the reason for that however.

To be able to feel is the most important thing we have as humans. Empathy truly is what love is. When we love the people in this world whether or not they are close to you is our true calling during this life.

To love one another. In fact if you use the Bible for your " basic instructions before leaving earth" as a guide than you are living your purpose. The new covenant that Jesus gave to us was only to laws: love God first and love others as you love yourself.

I think that people are too worried about appearances and have stopped caring about others and selfishness is darkness.

When light shines upon darkness, it is intense.
___________________________

People, in general, are dangerous.

A better word to use is ‘threatening’.

Empaths threaten people who cling to their self-delusions and public masks.

They don’t mean to. They see the falseness, the cord to pull, because they see a person in pain.

Empaths threaten the status quo. They can’t stand to see injustice or suffering. They will spout some serious truth and f*ck sh*t up for those who cause such imbalance.

Unless you’ve got some serious evil you keep hidden, Empaths are of no danger or threat to you.
______________________________

Empaths can evoke a range of reactions in others, and whether they scare people often depends on individual perspectives and experiences. Here are a few reasons why some people might feel intimidated or scared by empaths:

Intense Emotions: Empaths are highly sensitive to the emotions of others, which can sometimes lead to overwhelming emotional experiences. People who are not used to such depth of feeling may find this intensity unsettling.

Vulnerability: Empaths often have a strong sense of vulnerability, which can make others feel exposed or uncomfortable, especially if they are not in touch with their own emotions.

Perceived Supernatural Abilities: Some people might view empaths as having a "sixth sense" or special abilities to perceive emotions, which can lead to feelings of awe or fear.

Boundary Issues: Empaths may struggle with personal boundaries, sometimes absorbing the emotions of others. This can create discomfort for those who feel their emotions are being intruded upon.

Misunderstanding: People unfamiliar with the concept of empathy may misinterpret an empath's behavior as being overly emotional or dramatic, leading to fear or discomfort.
While some may feel scared or intimidated, many people are drawn to empaths for their ability to listen, understand, and provide support. Ultimately, reactions vary widely depending on personal experiences and beliefs about emotional sensitivity.
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It’s funny that all narcissist commenting here will deny the existence of the Empath. Yes, we exist. No, I did not put my Ex N’s needs above my own. Hence the reason his ass was kicked to the curb. Not all Empaths are co-dependent. I fell in love with a total fraud. I held him accountable on a million occasions for his shite behavior, because I could feel in my bones that something was very “off” about him as a human being.

I have an uncanny intuition and can often feel when something is not quite right about ones behaviors or people in general. It’s an energy and a vibe they put out into the universe that gives them away. Narcissist tend to vibrate on a very low frequency.

Narcissists don’t have the ability to really read a person or to feel the human condition. They are however very experienced at manipulation. They have no emotional empathy, whatsoever. Cognitive Empathy is not the same as emotional. Cognitive Empathy is the ability to understand ones pain, joy, bliss, grief, ETC…but it does not afford them the ability to actually feel it. (Even non Empaths, who are NOT narcissists, have the ability on some level to feel ones energy.)

So naturally, narcissists assume Empaths do not exist. This is not shocking to Empaths or news worthy. It just is what it is. We are not fictional characters. Some of us have a very heightened sense of Empathy. Does not make us crazy or codependent. I would rather be hyper-vigilant and feel EVERYTHING, than have to live in the skin of a narcissist on any given day. I would rather suffer their abuse, than be the one inflicting harm unto others.

Narcissists can deny an Empaths existence in this world. I get it. I would LOVE to deny the existence of narcissists in this world. However, I live in reality, so here you all are. And here I am.

I cannot speak for all Empaths but I can speak from my own experience at least… My ex narcissist is very afraid of me. Whoever told narcissists that Empaths are easy to walk on and never experience anger or angry outbursts of any kind, needs a right smack to the back of the head. While I may understand, sympathize and even actually feel someone’s energy, that in no way makes me a doormat or a garbage receptacle for a narcissists rage and shame.

Believe me when I tell you that eventually my squirrely wrath was felt by the ex narcissist on a level in which he won’t dare cross my path or cross me ever again in his miserable sham of a life. I am no one a narcissist really wants to go up against. I don’t back down either. Especially when I’m fighting with integrity and honor for what is right and just. And especially for the underdog.

So let’s just see who would win your hunger games. While the battle may take time, you will eventually walk away from the battle exhausted and still hungry, because at some point, even I won’t be worth your time. And this, my dear narcissists, is done by design.

Stay blessed my fellow Empaths.

https://www.quora.com/Do-empaths-scare-people

[tellomon]

Are Narcissists Afraid of You?
6 Reasons They Never Come Back!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khBTvIVxFqk

[tellomon]

Do narcissists deserve sympathy?

IT’S NOT A MATTER OF WHAT PEOPLE DESERVE…

IT’S SIMPLY THAT YOUR SYMPATHY IS MISPLACED.

YOU’RE WASTING YOUR TIME.

Anything invested in a narcissist is wasted and a waste of your time.

Like, the biggest and most substantial waste of time.

Maybe ever.

Not only that, your sympathy, empathy and compassion;

They will be weaponized against you.

The narcissist counts on these things, from you.

It’s already baked into their game plan.

They will be weaponized against you in order to continue to inflict the maximum amount of damage.

At the most opportune time of their choosing, in which it will REALLY sting.

If you know this, you effectively abuse yourself.

You’re a willing participant.

And most of us, don’t like being abused.

It’s not a good feeling.

And moreover, with a narcissist, this will ALWAYS be the end result.

Nothing you ever do, or don’t do, will result in any alternative outcome.

The die is already cast.

So again, it’s not what anyone deserves or doesn’t deserve.

It’s only that you’re wasting your time, effort, money, and energy.

And, we only live once.

The hour is getting late, and there isn’t a moment to spare.
__________________________

No.

They know what they’re doing.

It’s a conscious decision to be an abuser.

They do the same kinds of abuse to many people their whole lives before targeting you.

Anyone who says any different is a narcissist or psychopath themselves or someone who is not educated.

No pity for the wicked.
______________________________

Yes. From a distance.

Feeling compassion, though, is not the same thing as accepting abuse or mistreatment. It’s not the same thing as forgiveness, in my opinion. The narcissist in my life is an incredibly damaged human being, the damage was not of his own doing, and for that, I have compassion. I do not forgive the damage he has caused, though, and I don’t feel any moral responsibility to do so. Maybe some day I will, and I hope I do for my own sake, but not because he “deserves” it.

TLDR*: I have compassion for the pain he carries, but not the pain he causes.
________________________________

Hell no!

On a bad day, I think that all they deserve is to be locked up or send away to the fictional island of “Narcos”, where they can spend the rest of their sad lifes eating away at each other.

On a good day, I just think that they don’t deserve anything whatsoever!
_________________________________

Do Narcissists deserve compassion?

Yesterday, not literally, but yesterday I had such compassion. Let me qualify this again by saying my answer applies to the pwd NPD I knew (Covert malignant) and any other narcissists who knowingly target and abuse their victims. It was that compassion that allowed me to allow the the Narcissist to re-enter my life. Only to be abused. Again. And then again. Til I had enough of the lies, false apologies and promises. It was that compassion that was my undoing.

Narcissists know exactly that what they are doing to victim partners, they know they are immoral . Not only that, they often get sadistic pleasure out of getting away with as much as mindfuckery- use and abuse- as they can. Why else would they hide and isolate their victims, if they didn’t know they are wrong?

Narcissists also hide from the law the crimes they commit, stealthy enough just to stay below the radar much of the time.

So maybe I have compassion for any past neglect or abuse that may have happened back in their childhood. But as adults, this is no excuse for intentionally inflicting pain and damaging others as way of life. They have a choice in how they treat others. No, I have no compassion for Narcissists. From my particular stance it serves no purpose, compassion only feeds their narcissism, they are pathological predators.

And so as others have stated, I’ll save my compassion for those that deserve it: the victims of narcissistic abuse, or any type of abuse, including my Quorian brothers and sisters and me. Narcissistic abuse is a very real thing and I’ve compassion for you whose lives are forever changed but who do the hard work to put the pieces (of their lives ) back together again.

To be whole Again. Be blessed, because you have much love to give and the will receive love from another who equally loves you back.

* "TLDR" is an abbreviation for "too long; didn't read"

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/Do-narcissists-deserve-sympathy

[tellomon]

Is there a narcissist in your life? How do you deal with him or her?

Ignore them. Go no contact. Do not engage with them. If you must deal with a narc, use the Grey Rock Method. Never give them a reaction, especially an emotional reaction. Do not give them any narc supply, which includes reactions, any emotions, adulation, praise, attention, etc. Be boring!
____________________________

The worst experience in my entire lifetime! They decimated my life and took everything I ever loved. So yeah, they are the utmost representation of evil.
__________________________

You go with the flow.

You take the path of least resistance.

You go downstream, do not paddle upstream.

You learn to accept them for who they are.

You realise that this is all about you, it is not about them.

It is your turn to learn that you should not look for happiness, fulfilment, or satisfaction, in others.

It is your job to instead realise you need to find the essence of those feelings in yourself, and then you will match up with people who are compatible with those feelings within you.

Resist the feeling which may dawn on you from time to time, which is that you should change the world and the people in it. That is not your job.

You can only focus on changing yourself, and the narcissist would have taught you a lot in a short amount of time… if you knew how to listen.

Now, it's your turn to learn the lessons, do not resist the changes which are trying to unravel within you.

It probably means you will need to leave the narcissist, amongst many other changes.

Go with the flow.
_________________________

No contact is the best rule of thumb. They are consummate manipulators and will become utter poison in your life no matter how much you think you can keep them at arm’s length. That said, there are times when you are in contact with one because of work or a friend’s relationship.

So I would recommend treating such individuals always at arm’s length. Apathy is your best “control” within the relationship. Do not give them any ammo in terms of your weaknesses, secrets or vulnerabilities as they will only use this against you eventually when they’re looking to discredit you.

If they sense you’re on to them they will more than likely want to distance themselves from YOU since they fear being revealed. Apathy will insure they will have no interest in making you their “source”.

https://www.quora.com/Is-there-a-narcissist-in-your-life-How-do-you-deal-with-him-or-her

[tellomon]

Why will a narcissist stick to a lie when you have proof and they know it?

They do not care about the truth. They do not care about morals, honesty, integrity. They don’t have the same agenda as neurotypicals. Most NT’s don’t even have an agenda. Narcs always have an agenda. And it’s always hidden.

If you knew their agenda, you would run away and fast. They must hide it in order to get you to succumb to their agenda, unknowingly. If you look for it, you will find it. The light bulb will go off in your head.

It’s never about whether they are lying, not lying. It’s not even about their words they are choosing. It’s not about what they are pretending it’s about. They are telling you a story about this person or that person. They are talking about this or that. It’s not about this or that. It’s about the emotional chaos, sadness, or anger their words are creating inside of you. FUEL, BABY, THAT’S PRECIOUS FUEL to them. Your emotional rise = their gain. Fuel.

Their words are the train car driving into your soul. The train is there to pick up the passengers. The passengers are your emotions that they then steal from you, driving them, empowering them, keeping them going yet another day.

What is it all about? The lies. It’s about pushing your buttons. They know them, and they will push them. They exploit them. They know your weakness. They know your strengths. They will use your weakness against you.

They will use your strengths for their own gain. You’ll find yourself giving them all the work, effort, things, that you should keep for yourself. But no, they are better than you, they should have the best of everything, not you. They know what makes you happy and excited. They will pretend to offer you that. But don’t be fooled, they only dangle it to pull you in.

They will never fully deliver on that. You’ll be the one giving to them, not vice versa. They give you a little in the beginning, only to withhold it and later take, take take. They little they gave will far be out shadowed by what you will give them over the long haul.

They are full of false promises and big words that sound so good. Too good to be true all right. They seem so magical, so charming, so charismatic. All a facade. They are charmers all right… it’s the apple on a stick being dangled in front of a horse, always 1 foot away. They know what makes you angry.

They work hard to get you emotionally off balance. It’s the best way to keep you confused, adrenaline pumping, emotionally toxic. Why? So you can’t think straight. They will think for you. They keep you off balance. They keep you second guessing. They keep you hoping for something you’ll never get but you believe you will.

FUEL. Ahhhh… the ever wonderful fuel they so desperately need, every moment, all day long. And you’re just the one to give it to them. They are taking, taking, taking, fuel, all the while you’re giving it, trying to get them to admit to their lie. They are laughing all the way to the bank with their FUEL they are stealing from you as you are floating on your cloud of integrity.

They always have a hidden agenda. This agenda is in place to keep them on top of their pedestal of superiority. It keeps them above you. You’re an underling, and don’t forget it. Sure, they will say you’re their favorite… and right now you are, because you're giving them fuel. You’re still an underling.

You’re just the bestest slaviest-slave they know, right now. (Richard Grannon coined that term, and I absolutely love it! It’s so true). But, in an hour, when they leave and go get fuel somewhere else, that person is their new favorite.

They are the master. You are the servant. Don’t ever forget it. If you do forget, they will remind you. You have a degree? They are better at that field than you, and they achieved their level of greatness without a degree, so you were the stupid one who had to go to school to learn it.

You have a high IQ? So do they, and they don’t have to brag about it, because they already surpassed you and their IQ is no doubt higher than yours. Go ahead, insult them. See how well that goes over. They don’t care about the truth or lies. They don’t care about your proof or lack of it. They care about superiority.

Being better than everyone in yours and their circle of people. They care about getting fuel. They care about you doing what they say and when they say to do it. They keep score, and it’s always 3 for them and one or none for you.

So you care about the truth? Oh, good… they know this and will use it against you. They will lie just to push your buttons. they love watching you squirm. Then you have to wrestle with your moral fiber. Do you be true to yourself and call out their lie in order to seek truth and justice? Or do you stay within your kindness boundary, your do-unto-others philosophy, and not be rude to another human?

After all, if they don’t admit to the lie, maybe they believe it’s the truth, right? And if they don't admit to the lie, then maybe you’re somehow wrong. Maybe somehow, someway, they aren’t lying, right? Maybe you got the facts misconstrued. Maybe you are mistaken. Maybe you’re crazy in the head like they’ve been saying for some time now. maybe they’re right and you’re wrong.

And how awful would that be, to be wrong and accuse someone else of a horrible lie. Now wouldn’t that make YOU the lesser, less moral BAD person??? And them, the good person? Yes, why yes it would. they know all of this. they know how you are. they know your moral fiber, character and eternal goodness. they know the demons you wrestle with, they know you care about truth and justice, the facts, honesty, decency and they purposely extort this.Why?

Because they can. Because it’s fun for them. BECAUSE IT GAINS THEM FUEL. BECAUSE IT ACCOMPLISHES THEIR HIDDEN AGENDA. THAT’S ALL THEY CARE ABOUT. Checkmark. Mission accomplished. Another round goes to them. Another notch in their bedpost. You, siting their in your moral fiber, while they keep winning each round.

They will create these lies obscurely, as in strongly insinuating, but not absolutely stating it. That way, they can say, “I never said that.” And then if they did say it, and you can prove it, they say, “I never MEANT that, oh you took me SERIOUSLY?” As they laugh. Round 500 goes to the Narc. But you, you keep coming back for more. More lies, of course. You get angrier. They get more fuel.

They stay on top as master, while you grovel around beneath them, seeking out their approval, lying in the filth that spews out of their mouth and onto the ground at their feet where you’re lying… you trying to get them to admit to the truth. They are yanking your chain. They are dangling you on the yo-yo, while they hold the string. They are the puppet master, and you are the puppet. Think not? How do you feel around them? Like shite, depressed, sad, angry.

That’s how you feel. Except for those fleeting, few and far between highs that you live for. Those are called bones they throw you. The bones gets less meaty, and sparser. So why the hell do you keep going back for more? Why do you continue to be around them? Because you just KNOW you can get them to admit to the truth, so you can win. But no… They win every round. Checkmate.

If you really want to win, you simply find out their hidden agenda. It’s easy. It’s that which THEY keep coming back to YOU for. Money. Sex. Attention. Power over you. Something you’ve got which they want. A nicer car. A better place to live. A nice meal out. A quick roll in the sack. And, you give it to them, or they wouldn’t come back. They will even pretend they don’t want it.

But… they always take it once it’s offered. You think it’s your idea that which you offer them. Oh no, sweetheart… they got you to give it, AND they got you to believe it was your idea. You think you’re autonomous, an adult who makes her own decisions. Oh no. The chain. They are yanking it, even when not in your presence, because you’re thinking about them 24/7.

So, how do you win? How do you find the truth? You withhold that which they want. Then, YOU walk away from THEM, and you do it BEFORE giving them fuel. That’s how you win. But it will only be this round. There will be another, and another, another round as you go back in the ring. That is, until you continue to NOT give them fuel and they realize it’s useless to try. You will then see the discard as they leave and don’t come back.

But, get them to admit to the lie? Oh hell, no. They count on your honesty. Your morals. Your integrity. That’s exactly what they need in order to gain fuel from you. Realize this. They are using your goodness against yourself.

You’ll then realize that it’s you who are lying. To yourself. If you look deep within yourself, you know the truth. You pretend to believe they have some goodness, honestly, and decency within them. But have you really seen it? Are they there for you when the chips are down?

Oh hell no. Them being a decent, moral human being…. That’s the biggest lie of all. They aren’t. They can’t. You can’t give away or be that which you don’t have or are not. They don’t have it in them. No remorse. No guilt. No true sympathy. No empathy. Realize this. To display any of these traits, they have to fake it. Fake. Fake. Fake.

The thing is, lies must always have a cover of truth in order to be hidden, in order to exist. Lies embed themselves in truth… they are always covered in truth. You are the truth. Extract yourself, removing the truth and they will then be exposed, having to deal with their own trash.

So start with you. Quit lying to yourself. Walk away from them. Quit beating your head against a wall trying to tell yourself that which you already know deep inside of yourself. The truth of who they are. Liars. When a liar lies, then you actually have the truth. They are a liar. They just proved it.

There is your justice. Knowing they are true to who they really are and not who you both pretend they are. A liar. A cheat. A manipulator. A bad person. A thief who steals others goodness and energy, things. And you, you stopping the lies you tell yourself… that they are a good and decent human. No.

They are not. Stop the madness. No, not everyone is like you, caring about goodness, truth and honesty. It starts and ends with you. Not them. We must face the truth of who they are. We must face who WE ARE to expect them to be, that which THEY AREN’T. Justice will be served when you start giving to yourself, that which you used to give away to them. Your goodness. Your integrity. Your power. Your servantry. Your autonomy. Now that is justice… when you keep all that for yourself. You deserve it. They don’t. That is truth. You taking care of you. You’re the only one who truly can. The truth will set you free.

https://www.quora.com/Why-will-a-narcissist-stick-to-a-lie-when-you-have-proof-and-they-know-it

[tellomon]

Are narcissists evil or mentally ill, and do they know that they are?

A person who is mentally ill has impaired thinking and behavior without much personal control. Mental illness can be treated. A person will show improvement in their behavior after getting the right treatment.

Narcissists are evil in human disguise. Narcissists come into relationships only to use and abuse you. If you see, narcissists don't contribute anything positive in your life; whatever they do is negative. If narcissists do something positive, then they have hidden motives behind it.

You love narcissists deeply; you do everything for narcissists; you sacrifice your needs, choices, and decisions; what you get in return is abuse and blame. You have no answers for their horrible behavior.

You compare narcissists with evil; they both have the same motives: abusing and taking everything from you.

Anything good a narcissist does for you comes with a price. Narcissists are takers, users, and abusers. Narcissists not only cause problems in your life; they cause problems in every profession and every field. Getting rid of narcissists is a blessing in disguise.
___________________________

They know what they are doing to you.

They know it hurts you and THEY DON'T CARE

So yes, they are EVIL

And they are WEAK

Scapegoats have gone through hell and back and are still loving, kind, giving and empathetic.

And this was back to people who abused them.

Compare these people who have gone through the exact same abuse accept worse in a narcissist family to the golden child..

Narcissists are WEAK and what they do to people is EVIL.
_______________________________

They are evil, and they do know it. They target their victims and start immediately the inconsistencies that sooner than later just create a terrible feeling of unworthiness, and lack of caring about you or your feelings. and when you try to talk to them about it its always dismissive and nothing ever changes.
________________________________

No more than a mosquito does, buzzing around your head, looking for a landing site.

Narcissists have rewired their brains, short circuted them. Instead of the long and arduous process of doing things of value in order to improve their self-esteem, narcissists take the quicker and more ecstatic path of stripping value from others.

First, the narcissist slips their proboscis inside you, injecting a narcotic and anti coagulant, to induce euphoria, and prevent your natural defences from clotting up and blocking their feeding tube.

Then when you're feeling all warm and cosy, they begin to drain you of good feelings. They swell and bloat with the stolen validation that is supposed to sustain you, keep you moving forward in life.

Once this horrid process is done, you're always left itching for more. Resist this urge.

Never enable a bloodsucker, a leech, a parasite,

They spread disease!
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Narcissists may not think they are a bad person but are fully aware of their bad actions.

Narcissists can view themselves as many things, attractive, intelligent, enigmatic, and superior to name a few. They live life on their own terms based on their needs regardless of the cost to others. People in their life are their for a purpose, namely to be used. They aren’t bothered that they treat people badly and justify it without self blame. If people in their life catch on or react to their bad behavior they discard them or continue to treat them poorly if allowed.

Narcissists may also attempt to cover their bad behavior by doing faux selfless deeds to help others. This is a clever way to make them look like a good person. What people don’t see is the hidden payback that will be expected. Nothing is free, real, or healthy in a relationship with a narcissist - it is all bad.

https://getoverthenarcissist.quora.com/Are-narcissists-evil-or-mentally-ill-and-do-they-know-that-they-are

[tellomon]

Narcissists find fault in everybody but themselves.
How Narcissists Will Test You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmGye9bSUAY

[tellomon]

Narcs always say, “It’s only YOU that I’m like this with, you’re so hard to be around”. Ugh, they blame their victims for their own nasty behavior…. But really they are saying, "how dare you call me out on my BS!"  They hate our strength and truth.
Angry Narcissists Are Master Whiners

It's no secret that narcissists have anger issues that can be ugly and punitive.  But Dr. Les Carter exposes how their anger is tied to whiny complaints befitting a confused child.  They are illustrating how incapable they feel when required to maneuver through adult highs and lows.  Your task is to see their anger for what it is...a desperate attempt to make you responsible for their immature ineptitude.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrfsGsw9TBE

[tellomon]

How do empaths destroy narcissists?

1. They can deeply hurt the narcissist’s pride.

People who are very perceptive and emotionally intelligent can see through the narcissist’s facade. They know exactly what triggers the narcissist and aren't afraid to call them out. With their strong resolve, honesty, and reasonable anger, they can shatter the narcissist’s fake sense of self, causing long-term damage.

Unlike the narcissist, these self-aware empaths don’t need validation from others. They face the narcissist with confidence, standing firm in their principles and sense of right and wrong. Their truth overshadows the narcissist’s lies, making them a tough opponent.

2. They set firm boundaries that are non-negotiable.

A strong empath is honest about who they are and what they will not tolerate. They value peace and self-worth, and they don’t let others pressure them into doing anything they don’t want to. They set clear, firm boundaries right away, without room for negotiation.

This upfront rejection is something a narcissist cannot handle, as they expect complete control over others. However, a super empath will never accept such treatment and will quickly end the conversation if the narcissist doesn’t back down.

Highly empathetic people can easily recognize the narcissist’s fake persona and sense the emptiness beneath. They quickly see that the narcissist has a distorted view of themselves, others, and the world.

Their sensitivity helps them read the narcissist’s behavior and avoid falling into their manipulation. Any attempts by the narcissist to manipulate them will be met with predictable resistance.
__________________________

Empaths destroy narcissists by fighting fire with fire - they suppress their empathic traits and allow their narcissistic traits to come to the fore. The manipulated becomes the manipulator and they make life miserable for the narcissist, which will eventually lead to the narcissist leaving and staying away. At that point the exhausted empath regroups and allows their narcissistic traits to recede and their empathic ones to strengthen again.

At least, that’s the theory. Some call it an empath supernova. A faster, less harrowing method of defeating a narcissist is just to leave - cut them off in every way, go no contact, and never allow them access to use you in any way again.
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There is a dark side to true Empaths - once they’ve reached their capacity, as they carry so much of others’ negativity and drama around without really even knowing all of it, they snap. They go cold and/or manipulative to protect themselves.

I imagine once they’ve had enough of the Narc’s fun, they’ll turn - but understand that it’s not to defeat or destroy… it’s to protect themselves. My advice is to stand up for yourself - don’t let a Narc’s cruel games defeat YOU. That’s how you ‘win’ with a Narc.
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I don’t recommend you do any thing to defeat the narcissist. Why? What would it accomplish? Nothing but an ongoing battle. Trying to defeat the narcissist would only keep you entangled with him/her. Why spend time trying to defeat a person who never loved you, cared for you, connected to you, manipulated you, love bombed you, lied to you, cheated on you, etc..?

Your focus should be on yourself. How do I get out of this toxic relationship? How do I get healed? How do I move on? How do I get freed mentally, physically, and spiritually? How do I defend myself? Why not think about the person who is the most important one in this relationship, that’s you, not the narcissist. The best way you can defeat a narcissist is go no contact, enjoy life, be the best you, and move on to sooner or later in life, find someone who can love you for you, and wouldn’t think twice about abusing you.

That’s the way an empath defeats the narcissist. “You will no longer have control over my life”. “You will no longer have access to me”. “You will no longer cross my boundaries”. “You will no longer have to hide whatever you’re doing from me because I no longer care what you do”. “ I’m free from your demonic curse”. Stay protected and stay free that is definitely the best defeat. You have to be willing to put in the work for you.
____________________________

In my opinion, an empath always, always beats the narcissist.

The empathic person lives in the grace of God and the narcissist does everything to please the Devil.

Now who is the more powerful?

Enough said.

So no matter what the empathic person goes through, there is a huge force behind that person to survive and to become happy again.

And behind the narcissist is an evil darkness who manages to deceive even the narcissist.
______________________________

It's important to note that the idea of empaths "destroying" narcissists is not a healthy or productive way to approach relationships. A better approach is to focus on recognizing and avoiding unhealthy relationships, including those with narcissists.

That being said, empaths and narcissists can often be drawn to each other in relationships. Empaths are often very caring and empathetic individuals who are highly attuned to the emotions of others. Narcissists, on the other hand, may be drawn to empaths because they can provide a source of validation and admiration.

In order to protect themselves from narcissists, empaths can work on setting healthy boundaries, recognizing red flags in relationships, and prioritizing their own well-being. This may include seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist, as well as educating themselves about narcissism and other personality disorders.

Ultimately, the best way to "destroy" a narcissist is to avoid engaging with them altogether. Narcissists thrive on attention and validation, so by withholding these things and refusing to engage in their manipulative behaviors, it is possible to reduce their impact and protect yourself from their harmful effects.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-empaths-destroy-narcissists

[tellomon]

How can I fix a narcissist?

You cannot fix a Narcissist. There are experts of Psychology that cannot fix Narcissists. There is No Treatment and No Cure.

You didn't break the Narcissist and therefore you can't fix them. It isn't our job to fix other people No matter how much we love and care for them. They have to believe they need help and want the help.

Look, my mother was Dx in 2018 with NPD. She went to therapy for ten years before the Dx and it made her so much worst. She became more Grandiose, Selfish, Self-Entitled, Egocentric, Controlling, Hateful, and she started stealing more. When Narcissist go to therapy it isn't to help heal their traumas…it's to strengthen their “False-Self.”

People don't seem to understand that the Narcissist built the “False-Self” when he/she was a kid and continued to keep building the “False-Self” until he/she has it mastered. A Narcissist CANNOT & WILL NOT give up the “False-Self” and when they finally do it is nothing short of Hell. I saw my mother's true-self and it was down right horrifying and the negativity was so thick in our house you could cut it with a knife. Their humanity is gone and the older they get the worse they get!

I don't know why people think they can fix Narcissists when some of the greatest minds can't do it!
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No. In their minds, they have no problem that needs to be fixed. Everybody else, is a problem.

If you are unwilling to remain in this parasitic relationship -you are the problem.

If they find another fling, and you don’t like it - you are the problem.

If you have your own opinion, or if you are happy - you are the problem.

If you were an Angel, and sacrificed everything, including your last breath, you would be a problem, and a Narc would see you as a threat to their ego.

They never change for better for anybody, or any reason. They gradually turn into more hard core old and miserable Narcs.
_________________________________

Everytime you work hard to help them, they will punish you for trying. They see the person trying to help them as a person telling them they are wrong, not good enough, or inferior. They punish you for doing nice things for them, yet also expect you to continue to do nice things for them.

They can't see you as a positive influence, because they think you are wanting them to change (and you are wanting them to change), you are judging them, showing the narc they are not perfect, and you are not behaving as if they are superior to you or smarter like they view themself to be.

So all your kindness gets you is contempt, hostility, anger, and the narc punishing you in secret while playing you for the fool. They will take what they want from you, lie, play you like they don't understand so that you will waste more time explaining, they will frustrate you, cause you to beg, and they do these things for pure enjoyment of watching you try so hard for them while you waste your time and they think you are stupid.

My ex won't work at a job. He doesn't want anyone telling him what to do, plus he always thinks he's an expert. He's not though, and he doesn't care but if you tell him he isn't doing a good job, he will steal from you.

The only thing my ex works hard and is really good at is stealing, lying, and pretending to be helpful while he is backstabbing you, and keeping secrets. He is only a hard worker when it benefits him and someone else is suffering.

He works hard at cheating you and cheating on you. He works hard at creating and telling stories of his greatness in some way, his knowledge, future faking, and gossiping lies about you so that he can isolate you from friends and family.

I once made a list of my ex's positive attributes and talents, I told him of a not for profit business I wanted to create, and that if he could be loyal to his work and the business he would fit perfectly in a certain important position at the business.

He listened with interest, took the list, and never even wanted the job made just for him. He did however show that list to people to convince them he was important and how I was begging for him to come back to me. He twisted everything around so that I looked desperate and needy and couldn't live without him.

To me, he only ghosted. Wouldn't talk to me, give me answers, try to move forward with business, nothing. Just used the compliments I have him to use against me, and feel good about himself.

You can't heal people that think they are perfect. You can't change someone who thinks they are superior to you. You can't guide to help a person who sees themself as smarter than you. You can't waste your time on people that will string you along until you have no time left to take care of yourself.

It's a narcissists wet dream for you to ignore your own needs to provide for their wants. One way or another you will suffer, and watching you suffer delights them and fills them with supply. They don't see how they cause their own problems, they see how they cause your problems.

That is the control over you that they crave. You become a puppet for them to play with. They don't care that you are helping or trying to create a win-win scenario, they only care that they win but you lose.

You can't be logical for an illogical person. You cannot care for an uncaring person. You cannot sacrifice for someone who wants to create havoc in your life.

Your life needs your attention. The narc will never try to prioritize you or give you space for your own needs. They will cause you to put your needs away and cater to them with everything you got. They think they win when they are actually losing.

It's just a tangled web they weave. In the end, they will watch as you are tangled in the web, then they will crawl away to build another web for some other sucker who dares to want to come too close to them.

You and I can not make a narc want to change. They are very comfortable with the way they behave. It's just a waste of your time, emotions, and creates problems for you.

Someday it will all be clear to them. Not!

Take care of yourself, let the narc figure it out for themself. They think they are smart, but they never learn the right lessons.

God bless.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-fix-a-narcissist-15?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

For some of us, making boundaries isn’t easy because of childhood issues. Remember a boundary isn’t to keep people out or direct them how to behave. A boundary is what we tell others what we will and won’t tolerate for our own personhood and comfort. We Are Allowed To Have Our Boundaries. DO NOT LET THE NARCISSISTIC PERSON minimize or disregard your boundaries, as not important or fair.

Only you decide what’s fair in what you will and won’t tolerate. It’s okay for you to have a boundary and walk away when you feel you are being disrespected or having your boundaries violated. Journal it, and if it happens three times or more it’s a pattern and it’s a toxic relationship. Healthy people will respect your boundaries and discuss your discomforts. Narcissistic abuse survivors, keep Learning and Healing.

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Are all narcissists losers?

Your narcissist is a loser.

They had to wear the mask and lovebomb, otherwise you would have seen what an actual loser they are. The charisma is just a front. Their words hold no value. They think if they say the right things and act a certain way they’ll get what they want. Which is ultimately to make you feel like sh!t because they are “better” than you.

They will still be doing the same activities 10 years from now. They know what they are doing. They could stop, seek help. They won’t because they don’t want to change. They ruin everything they have you are not the exception.

Everyone else is the problem, not them. You mean nothing to them. You were just a ride to the grocery store, sex, or an ATM. They don’t care about you whatsoever. They’ll have someone else the same night, they probably already forgot your name.

Go no contact. They will never stop being losers.
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Often…?
Always would be more accurate.

They, of course, would view their “successes and failures” from a narcissistic framework: new or recycled supply on hand; duping a partner (again) successfully & parasitically feeding off whomever they can hook into, etc.

Breaking a person psychically, emotionally, physically/sexually, financially and spiritually would give cause for a narcissist to celebrate - the epitome of a loser and abject failure.
____________________________

Well, let's see…………

They lack

Love
Empathy
Can't have a normal relationship with a partner for more than a few months at a time
Can't keep a job for very long , unless they're being coached or motivated by someone else
Can't make friends. They do have many acquaintances
Like to drink excessively
Like to partake in illegal drug substances
Can't manage money effectively
Have poor decision making
Make lousy business partners
Make poor parents. No nurturing on their part
Emotionally unavailable
For the most part, they don't have their own residence
For the most part, they do not have their own vehicle
Like to engage in criminal activity
For the most part, they have long rap sheets. In and out of jail or prison
They manipulate people
They control people
They abuse people, especially their significant others. They engage in terrible name calling, verbal abuse, mental abuse and some do engage in physical abuse
They punish their significant others with long silent treatments
They are extremely negative
They are grumpy
They are envious of others
They believe to be superior then others
They are secretive and act shady all the time
They can't be trusted with pretty much everything
They use people
They don't appreciate anything you do for them. They take people for granted
They have poor communication skills
They like to cheat on their significant others
They are pathological liars
They are vindictive. They hold grudges
They can't apologize for things that they say and do and really mean it
They have no remorse or guilt for things they say and do
They play emotional mind games all the time
They start off great in bed, but end up being mechanical and cold
They thrive on drama and chaos
They have to win at everything. They play dirty
They are never wrong
I could go on and on, but you get the idea!

You tell me, are they losers?
__________________________

The word loser often refers to someone with no ambition, who blames other people for their misery, and doesn't have a "life."

In that sense, are narcissists losers?

Narcissists prey on other people and get jobs through nepotism or sneaky means. I know NPDs who have lied on their resume to get jobs they don't deserve. They steal from people and use them.

Narcissists also blame other people, and gang up on them. This actually makes the victim the loser in a sense.

Narcissists have no authentic self, and many are "losers" in that regard, but they are popular with other losers like themselves.

Yes, narcissists are the true losers, because they get by through lying, cheating, stealing, being abusive, bullying, etc. And they are fake.

But society views them as "winners," because our society is sick and has strange priorities.

It's the real winners who have to put up with the bs they are doled out by a psychopathic society, combined with the abuses they've endured by narcissists.

In that sense, narcissists are losers, but the entire structure of society, the things you read about in your paper, the idiotic politicians, the vapid celebrities, the schoolteachers sleeping with students, the daily unaliving of innocents...we created this society because we feed energy into losers.

It's time to stop.

https://www.quora.com/Are-all-narcissists-losers

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

.

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists manipulate?

Depending on what happened to the narcissist as a child, and the control it had over them, they developed habits and various ways to cope and deal with it. They learned what they could control, even very small things. The idea being, someone wouldn’t allow me to say what I was thinking, left me alone when I was afraid, violated me in the dark, only allowed me to eat at a certain time even though I was very hungry earlier, left me with a person who verbally or physically abused me, made me wear clothes that I hated because kids laughed at me, never let me sleep with my door open, etc.

As a child, a feeling of total helplessness, no control over anything, made to feel that they didn’t matter. As time goes by, coping skills become habits, habits become intrenched and becomes a way of life therefore, whatever works for them gives them control, the control gives them power, so they learn to perfect them. They learn to read people to know what skills to bring forward in order to manipulate them to get what they want.

This constantly gives them back the control they didn’t have as a child. They never got over or got rid of the worthlessness they felt which is why when they get critiqued and or criticized, they blame, gaslight, lie, divert, deflect, take no responsibility, and will try to make it all about you.

They will not admit to being wrong, they’re extremely passive aggressive, will never apologize because the biggest part of them is saying, “nothing in this world is more wrong than what happened to you” therefore they cannot emphasize with anyone. As they go along in life encountering different people with different personality traits, they continue to perfect their skills.

They have all the patience in the world, they had to learn patience to tolerate their childhood. Never underestimate one, don’t try to fix them because they will hone in on it and see it as trying to control them with malicious intentions. After all, the people who made them feel worthless, were nice to them, gave them gifts, even spoke the words, “I love you”.

They don’t really need anything that you would have to offer because their life is all about them. Some may have pets and might seem to care about them because the pets can’t see them nor judge them, they control the pets, they become everything to the pets, but if that pet needs some kind of medical intervention, in pain etc.. they won’t get help for the pet because there’s no empathy.

Don’t ever think you can show them enough love to change them because they have no idea what it is to receive it because it looks like control and something to take their power away, besides, to themselves they’re still worthless. So to answer your question, who would dare stay around a person like this long enough to fall in love with them?

They know it, therefore if you have something they want, the observation starts and the manipulation begins. Unless you take heed to the red flags and break all ties, they will latch on to you with the grip of a pit bull, have the patience of Job, will consume you, devour you, then discard you.
______________________________

Narcissists manipulate for several reasons, often rooted in their psychological makeup and personality traits. Here are some key factors:

Self-Protection: Narcissists often have fragile self-esteem. Manipulation serves as a defense mechanism to protect their self-image and avoid feelings of inadequacy or shame.

Control and Power: Many narcissists seek to exert control over others to feel powerful and superior. Manipulating others allows them to maintain dominance in relationships and social situations.

Validation and Attention: Narcissists crave admiration and validation. They may manipulate others to receive praise, attention, or affirmation, reinforcing their self-worth.

Lack of Empathy: A hallmark of narcissism is a diminished ability to empathize with others. This lack of empathy can lead to manipulative behaviors, as they may not fully understand or care about the impact of their actions on others.

Fear of Abandonment: Narcissists may manipulate to prevent perceived threats to their relationships. They often fear abandonment or rejection, leading them to engage in controlling behaviors to keep others close
.
Emotional Exploitation: They may exploit the emotional vulnerabilities of others to achieve their goals, whether it’s gaining sympathy, avoiding responsibility, or achieving personal desires.

Avoiding Consequences: Manipulation can also be a way to evade accountability for their actions. By twisting situations or playing the victim, they can deflect blame and maintain their self-image.

Understanding these motivations can help individuals recognize manipulative behaviors and establish healthier boundaries in their relationships with narcissists.
____________________________

Narcissists have no moral compass and like to be in total control of their victims.

They only care about what they want. They have no love in their hearts. They take pleasure in manipulating and controlling your emotions and feelings. They have one mission.

Control and domination. A narcissist will spread lies, and you will feel defeated. They break you down. When you meet them, they are charming and complimentary.

They slowly turn into the person they are. They are con artists. They have black hearts.  They will do whatever they want. You do it as they will abuse you, and you will fear them. They will destroy you and move on to someone else. They will leave you with nothing.

Or they will stay with you and beat you down. You will be depressed and lose all self-confidence; A narcissist will threaten you. They will tell all of your friends lies about you. They will watch you suffer and destroy your life. They will change your personality and drive you crazy. You can’t win with these liars and criminal minds. They will force you to do things against your will.

They will cause you great pain. Make you jealous on purpose. The outside world will think they are a prince of a guy. They treat the ones closest to them like garbage. They separate you from the world. They are ruthless.

You have no chance. If you stay, you will pay.

No excuses. Run Away from them.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-manipulate

[tellomon]

When Narcissist Feels Suffering And Regret Everything, This Is
What They Do

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhUvfSB2zJI

What Are The Hidden Triggers That Cause Narcissists To Panic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cYbmHvua9k

[tellomon]

How do you know when a narcissist is completely done with you forever?

Narcissists are 100% done with you forever after they do this:

1. They will become distant.

The first sign that a narcissist is done with you is that they will become distant. They will slowly stop spending time with you or answering your texts or calls. When they hang out with you, it'll be brief and awkward, like they're just tolerating it for now. If this happens to you, know that it will probably end soon.

2. They will ignore everything you say.

One of the signs a narcissist is done with you is that they will ignore everything you say. They might just disappear and stop responding to your emails and texts. They'll ignore you in public too. If you try talking to or saying something to them, they'll pretend that they don't hear you or ignore it altogether.

Narcissists tend to pretend they didn't hear what you said or repeat something back to you that has nothing to do with what you said. If they start tuning out all of your concerns and ideas, it's usually because they don't want to spend more energy on you than necessary.

3. They will devalue and criticize everything you do.

When they are done with you, narcissists will devalue and criticize everything you do. You are either perfect or worthless. Narcissists will constantly put you down, undermine your efforts, and criticize you. They will continuously nitpick at everything you say, do, and wear to put you down and make themselves feel better.

Narcissists will say things like, 'You're too fat,' 'You're ugly,' or 'No guy would ever want you.' Narcissists do this because they want to ensure that there's no way for you to feel good about yourself or be successful, so that they can feel superior to you.

4. They will not reply your texts or calls.

Suppose you're messaging or calling your narcissist, and they don't respond. In that case, they may not be interested in being with you anymore. They might even go days without responding. This is because they do not feel invested in you and have no intention of following up on the conversation.

They will simply ignore you, which is a way for them to let you know that you are no longer necessary to them. Narcissists are never really that interested in talking to people they don't see as being helpful to them in some way. So if they don't have any reason to talk to you anymore, it's because they're done with you.

5. They will spread nasty rumors about you.

When a narcissist is done with you, they'll try to destroy your reputation by spreading nasty rumors about you. They'll tell their friends and family that you cheated on them, stole money from them, or did something awful. They'll start talking behind your back and making up lies about how terrible of a person you are.

Narcissists might even go so far as to accuse you of things that aren't true or try to make it look like they're the victim in this situation. They'll tell people that you're crazy and that they don't want to be around you anymore. Narcissists wish everyone to think highly of them so they can feel better about themselves.
_____________________________

CELEBRATE!

Ding dong, the witch is dead! Unfortunately, that is rarely the case, however, because a narcissist considers their former supply their permanent possession. They keep close tabs on you via mutual friends and social media looking for the precise moment to make a surprise appearance.

It often takes form in a seemingly innocuous or innocent “happy birthday” text. It’s all but a trap to lure you back. This chase feeds their bloviated egos and confirms for them they are still in control. Once you fall for the act, however, the game is over and the narc will proceed to punish you for making it work so hard.

What do you do next? RESEARCH as much as you can on the personality disorder otherwise you’re doomed to repeat the pattern again and again. The biggest mistake victims make is believing these human impostors are capable of change. They’re not.

They are incapable of feeling empathy. You don’t matter to them. Your only value is what you can provide for them. Causing chaos, strife and misery give narcs a sense of omnipotence. It’s why the NO CONTACT rule was created. The only healthy relationship with a narcissist is a faded memory and firm lesson of what to avoid for the rest of your life.
____________________________

When you've unmasked them, told them what they are, threatened them in some way (most often legal), or aggressively (verbal) insulted them and kicked them out. It could be one of these reasons or more.

While narcissists seem to enjoy arguing and setting people off, they don't like being dished this back, and they get a narcissistic wound when someone their equal in power comes along. The irony is that they often choose someone strong to bully, but they will leave eventually, knowing you’re going to figure them out. It’s as if they want to be found out and punished.

Since narcissists "mistake" kindness for weakness, the only language they seem to understand is violence and aggression. If you made a narcissist do a double-take of any sort, you've gotten to them. If you’ve seen them stumble for a moment and a look of apprehension in their eyes when you just cut them down, oh, they will usually be through with you.

Of course, they will run away, and try to act "normal" again later, if they do a minor, non-serious hoover—but they know they cannot cross you again. This is why they will often just run and hide and sometimes pop back up sheepishly, but they won't ever come back into your life to re-romance you.

They know you're too keen on who they are. And they cannot ever recreate that whole scenario since you know their routine.

The really stupid ones could try a decade later if they’re really out of supply, but not always for romance. I heard a story once about a woman who said her ex-narcissist was in jail and came back after ten years asking her for money.

I also had a “friend” who I think it ASPD who asked me for money after they were in jail. This was years after I had seen this person, and we really weren’t friends, I was just being used for convenience. And I knew, so I really just stopped talking to them.
____________________________

If it’s your first rodeo - oh, man, I shudder for those who have endured multiple narcissist partners - you’ll be quite surprised that someone who treated you like something she’d scrape off the bottom of her shoe with a stick will later get back in touch. It is astonishing.

Seeing that letter stopped time for a moment. I couldn’t situate what my senses were telling me within the reality I knew. Mine is a covert narcissist, and a grotesque coward, but the chance to tweak me once again (stimulus, response: “Hah - I can still hurt someone”) overcame her craven, abject emotional timidity.

They are never done with you. You remain a trophy on their mantle: “We had drama - I mattered to him, so I existed,” she tells herself. When she tries to get in touch, she’s polishing that trophy, and perhaps looking to get her name engraved with an updated year on the plaque.

It never ends. Do not be flattered by it: you never mattered to them. You’re a known supply, and they could run short at any time. Any contact from them is at best an insult.

You should be prepared for that text out of the blue, a letter with sickeningly familiar handwriting, or a phone call with that voice on the other end, for the rest of your life.

Delete the text without reading. Open the envelope at one end without removing the letter, shake it to see if there’s any cash, then toss it. If there’s a call, be polite, remote and superficially friendly (think: retail counter worker, but don’t go overboard).

Be boring: mention no success or anything you’ve done that you’re proud of - the goal is to not be worth her while. The word “No” without further elaboration is acceptable.

Do not attempt to lash out or score points - they’re looking for drama. If questioned as to why you’re saying No, ignore or give muddled, incomprehensibly roundabout answers.

Their attempt to reconnect may never come - count yourself lucky - but you will never be sure as long as they’re still alive.

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/How-to-know-when-a-narcissist-is-completely-done-with-you-forever

[tellomon]

What is something that repels narcissists?

When they feel they are losing control. Their ability to control others stems from their behavior being so abnormal that others aren't equipped to understand it solely through empathy and intuition. However, over time, their victim will start to catch on, maybe not fully, but enough to realize they're dealing with a lunatic.

Worse, the victim might read a description of a narcissistic pervert or "Malignant Narcissistic" personality disorder and make the connection. At that point, things can start to go wrong, especially if it's their main victim.

A secondary victim can be easily discarded, but leaving the main victim is much more complicated. They will launch multiple strategies to find another victim and reinforce their control. They will also try to do as much harm as possible to their victim in their rage.
_________________________

Being seen as 'boring' by them as in offering neither agreement or disagreement to statements they make. Basically 'grey rock' method.

Not seeking their attention or responding 'properly' when they seek your attention. An unacceptable response (ignoring) their 'silent treatments' or an unwillingness to 'participate' when they need or want your attention or something from you.

Not having or not 'showing' that you have anything to offer them that will be of benefit to them. Not having anything they can benefit from deems you 'useless'. Having, but not 'showing' for them or 'sharing' with them makes you 'useless' or 'too selfish'. Hard to believe that a narcissist is repelled by other people's 'selfishness'.

Not being afraid to 'publicly' call them out on a lie, manipulation, devaluation, smearing, intimidation, threat, or reality altering 'show'.

Simply refusing to play their games by their rules. They are repelled by people who 'frustrate' them.

A narcissist will not be repelled by someone doing these things ONE TIME thinking 'that'll be the end of that'. They are repelled by a person who does these things consistently, but ONLY to them.

They are often repelled by people who seem to have 'figured them out', but are 'unaffected' by them.
___________________________

Narcissists tend to be repelled by certain behaviors and characteristics in others that challenge their self-image or demand accountability. Here are a few key factors that can repel narcissists:

Assertiveness: People who are confident and assertive can intimidate narcissists, as they often prefer to dominate relationships.

Boundaries: Establishing and maintaining clear personal boundaries can deter narcissists, who typically disregard others’ needs and limits.

Authenticity: Genuine individuals who are comfortable with themselves and do not seek validation from others can be off-putting to narcissists, who thrive on admiration and approval.

Lack of Interest in Flattery: Narcissists seek admiration and compliments. If someone shows disinterest in flattery or does not engage in their need for attention, it can drive them away.

Emotional Stability: Those who are emotionally grounded and do not easily react to manipulation can be difficult for narcissists to control or influence.

Accountability: People who hold narcissists accountable for their actions and do not tolerate excuses or blame-shifting can create discomfort for them.

By embodying these traits, individuals can create a dynamic that is less appealing to narcissists, potentially leading to distance or disengagement from those toxic relationships.
________________________

Telling the truth.

Enforcing boundaries when they try to make you compromise yourself.

For example: If a narc disrespects you by saying negative things about some personal issues you shared with them,don’t give the narc a second chance to do it again.

Confront them with the intent to enforce your boundaries

“I thought I could trust you with the information about (insert subject). You have no business saying those things.You wouldn’t even know what I was dealing with until I told you Don’t disrespect me like that again”

Narc response:

“You misunderstood”

“I was only joking,stop being so sensitive”

“OMG why are you treating me like i’m evil?”

The narc might try a reversal technique:

Crying.

Playing the victim: “People don’t see that I’m just trying to help!”

Try to snuggle up to you to make you forget: “are you still mad at me?”

My advice: Nail The narc. “Get out of my face”

Don’t return calls

Don’t hang out

Ignore them.

Be brutally honest. “I don’t want to speak to you,because you can’t be trusted”

Put the subject in their face,make it unavoidable.

Don’t give them any option to manipulate or disrespect you.

When the narc sees that you will hold them accountable, they will either stop,try to subvert you, or leave you alone,because you’re not an easy target.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-something-that-repels-narcissists

[tellomon]

How does a healthy person move forward after narcissistic abuse?

Listen up! This isn’t going to be a puff piece filled with soft, comforting little lies. Your life has been turned upside down by some toxic narcissist, and you’re here looking for answers, right? Well, buckle up. It’s time to step into the ring and fight for your own damn life.

First and foremost, you need to understand something crucial. You survived. You're a lion who was thrown into the gladiator pit, and guess what? You're in one piece, which is more than your tormentor can say about themselves.

They’re still trapped in their delusional world where everyone else is just a prop. So take a moment right now and recognize your own strength. Digest it, own it, and let it light that fire within you.

Alright, let’s talk about moving forward. It's war strategy time. You’re going to follow a simple but hardcore game plan. This is not for the faint of heart. Ready?

1. **CUT ALL CONTACT:**

I don’t care if they’re texting you, stalking you on social media, or sending you flowers. It’s done. Block them, ghost them, disappear like Houdini on a bad day. If you don't, you're feeding the beast that tried to break you.

2. **RECLAIM YOUR LIFE:**

They didn’t just poison your past; they tried to poison your future. So, recalibrate and reclaim. Get back to the things you love. Start new hobbies. Meet new, REAL people who respect you. Reinvent yourself if you have to. It’s your life, and you’re in charge now.

3. **BUILD THE WALLS HIGH:**

Emotional Fort Knox, people! You’ve got to build your inner defenses so strong that no narcissist can ever breach them again. This is about self-respect, self-love, and self-worth. Know your value and safeguard it fiercely.

4. **GET FIT MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY:**

You’re not a victim; you’re a warrior. Train like one. Hit the gym or use slay fitness on Slaylebrity VIP social network, eat clean, and strengthen your mind. Read books that toughen you up, listen to empowering podcasts, and hang around people who lift you higher. Narcissists prey on the weak. Make sure that’s never you again.

5. **SEEK OUT LEGENDS:**

Greatness attracts greatness. Find mentors and role models who embody strength, wisdom, and confidence. Absorb their knowledge, emulate their success, and become part of a circle that pushes you to excel.

6. **KNOW YOUR WORTH:**

Engrain it so deeply within you that doubting yourself isn't even an option. When you walk, walk tall. When you speak, speak with conviction. When you love, love yourself first.

7. **NEVER SETTLE:**

Tell yourself right now that you’re done settling for anything less than excellence. This applies to relationships, career, and personal goals. Mediocrity is for those who are content to be mediocre. You’re going somewhere - make sure it’s somewhere great.

Look, life’s going to throw punches. Sometimes they land hard. But you’re not here to lie down and take it. You’re here to rise, fight, and conquer. You don’t get through narcissistic abuse by licking your wounds. You get through it by roaring back at life with the strength and ferocity you never knew you had.

This isn't just about surviving; it's about thriving. You’re going to look back at this and realize it was the catalyst that launched you into a life so phenomenal it will make that narcissist sick with envy.

So get up. The world awaits the unstoppable force you’re about to become.

Stay hard, stay relentless, and never, EVER back down.
____________________________

I would highly recommend counseling with what I'm about to disclose.

Doing this alone is extremely difficult and you will need a lot of support.

If you have been abused by this population for decades I would recommend a psychologist as most counselors will not be able to understand what you have gone through.

If you are reading this then you most likely have suppressed your wants and needs in order to please a narcissist or psychopath.

And you have been stuck in surviving that experience for quite some time.

When you come out of these relationships many people don't even know who they are or what they need.

When they start to figure out what they want and need and move forward trying to get that need met many of us freeze because our body feels it's in danger.

When you were constantly walking on eggshells and everything was about their needs everything was okay (for a couple of minutes).

The moment you started to talk about your needs wants and desires that is when the Narcissist would devalue you, abuse you and even sometimes threaten your life.

So, coming out these relationships when you start to move towards something that makes you feel good and is a need you have had for years puts your body into fight or flight mode.

Because you have had years of conditioning that if you ever got your needs met you would be attacked by the disordered person.

So, getting your needs met for you feels completely unsafe, bad, wrong, shameful and threatening.

So, how can you feel safe again? How can you unprogram these imbedded survival mode imprints?

Many of us sabotage perfectly good people because we feel threatened by getting our needs met.

You need to get up the courage to face this head on.

Little steps forward are going to hurt, they are going to be painful.

But in order to get your needs met one foot forward and sometimes a few steps back are going to happen.

The biggest thing to realize is that this may be a big reason why you never want to be in a relationship again.

Because you feel threatened...

If you have lived around narcissistic abuse you can get to the other side..it's going to take some time though.

One step at a time.
______________________________

Acceptance.

I can't tell you if you will eventually get over your abusive experience with a narcissist, but in my opinion and in my case, I'm pretty sure I will never fully “get over” mine.

Instead of pushing and forcing myself to get over it, I am learning about and practicing acceptance:

Accept the fact that you'll probably never get closure.

Accept the fact that you are no different to anyone else who came before or after you. You'll likely find there are other people who share very similar stories to what you've experienced.

Accept the fact that you weren't “special” enough to change them (as empaths, we sometimes feel like we can be the ones to heal or to charge someone for the better. In this case know that that is simply not possible. As loving and as strong as empaths are, we cannot re-wire another being’s mind or experiences). Don't feel like you've failed.

Accept your feelings - the good, the bad, and the ugly. This one is really important. We are taught that some feelings are bad, that to hate someone else is sinful, and that such feelings are not allowed to be felt and should be pushed aside. (That is about as helpful as knowing you're really gay but pushing aside your entire identity by marrying a straight person to please society.) Don't do that.

Feel your hurt, allow yourself to mourn and grieve. Remember that this is no ordinary break up, this is the death of your old self; your ideals; your innocence; the idea of your “soulmate”.

Allow yourself to feel anger and rage. After my discard, the rage that filled my entire body and every thought frightened me. I didn't know I was capable of feeling that angry. I'd sit up in bed grinding my teeth, riddled with insomnia and visualise vandalising my ex’s house and causing him harm.

It's totally fine to feel that anger because you have every right to feel angry. You've been betrayed and abused. Visualise it, write it down, cry, scream break something if you must (just leave your ex out of it).

Feelings will interrupt your life at the best of times and the most random moments (anything can trigger them). Learn to not feel inconvenienced by such feelings. Let them become you, really feel them, experience them for all they are. Then, like a wave washing through you, let them go.

Accept the fact that as strong as you may be, this is very possibly stronger than you and that you probably need external help in the form of therapy. There is no shame in seeking professional help.

In fact, if you love yourself, you should feel obligated to do so. You will probably find through therapy that you will come to learn a hell of a lot more about yourself than your initial anticipated outcomes.

Accept the fact that what you thought was love was actually infatuation, on both sides. Sure, maybe you were able to show them pure love at times, but we know how addictive a relationship with an NPD individual can be. If anything, we can compare it to a drug addiction.

Accept the fact that they are not some monster who willingly and consciously hunted you and “did this” to you: these people are sick, they are stuck in a glitch, a movie of finding the person (and people) who they believe will fulfill their lives for it to become the ideal they cling to. In a way they are the result of the people that were simply too sensitive to be in this world. They're completely lost in an endless loop.

Accept responsibility. You also made huge mistakes. By not enforcing your boundaries, by not trusting your gut, by letting it carry on for as long as it did… Deception will always feel horrible, but self-deception feels even worse.

Accept the fact that your family or friends can't really be “there” for you. As much as they want to, they simply won't be able to relate to or to understand what it is you've gone through (unless they also have experienced narcissistic abuse).

Accept that much time is needed, to understand and to practice acceptance, there are simply no shortcuts.

Accept that you cannot change what's happened. The past is stuck in the past. What you can change is the way you will let it affect you in the present and future.

https://www.quora.com/How-does-a-healthy-person-move-forward-after-narcissistic-abuse

[tellomon]

Is anyone good enough for a narcissist?

No one. Every relationship is a bitter disappointment to these evil people because their expectations are totally unrealistic.

They always expect the other person to be perfect, and by association to make them perfect. When this doesn't happen, they feel bitterly double-crossed, let down and lied to.

This is the script most narcissists play out in every relationship they are in their entire life.

In all relationships, the other person is expected to live for the narcissist. They are expected to do everything for the relationship and the narcissist while the narcissist does nothing, gives nothing, appreciates nothing.

You all are expected to be perfect at all times, to read the narcissist's mind and anticipate whatever needs the narcissist may have… and you should never have needs, wants, feelings or anything of your own and don’t ever make a mistake.

You are expected to carry all of the narcissist's emotional baggage, to be their punching bag, to sit on the shelf waiting to be played with like a baby doll and to never stop giving perfect, unconditional love.

You are not allowed to be angry, tired, stressed, hurt, sick or human in any way. If someone cannot do all of these things and many more, the narcissist cannot be happy.

However it’s time for you to stop trying for this person... and refuse to disappoint yourself any more. Remember, tolerance of abuse and abusers is not a virtue. A person with a miserable soul can never stand a person with a happy spirit. Let it go !
_____________________________

No living, breathing, walking being is good enough for a narcissist.

The only one good enough for a narcissist, is the one that lives in the narcissist’s imagination — the imaginary person which they have projected as being the perfect match to their needs, and which no living person could ever live up to.

Part of the narcissist's grandiose view of self means they feel vastly superior to others, and anything less than perfection is falling drastically short of what they deserve. As we all know, perfection does not exist, although narcissists always feel they deserve better, anything less than perfection is not enough.

So what does the narcissist want?

The narcissist wants someone who can consistently make them feel grand, special, on the highest pedestal, they want someone who will make them buzz, feeling on top of the world.

Worship them, simply for existing.

Accept they are the best and greatest, reminding them of this every day.

They want every aspect of their endemic grandiosity to be massaged ongoingly, by the perfect person.

Boredom? Insecurity? More boredom?

Come on my perfect mate, I can't have that!

You're job is to rid me of these feelings. You gotta protect me from my own feelings and thoughts. Protect me from myself. Because I certainly can't!

I only want to feel great, grand… and it's your job to see to it that I do.

What? What do you mean you can't protect me from myself?

Well, I sure in Hell can't, that's what I need you for.

Guess you're not the perfect one either.
_____________________________

It’s not a question of people being “good enough” for a narcissist. There will be many people a narcissist will know who will be “good enough” to be in their circle. The question is more about how long the relationship will last before the other person tires of being controlled, shamed and emotionally manipulated.
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Yes as long as you take all their verbal, mental, psychological, emotional and physical abuses. Then if they discard you, wait for their hoover and then accept them back in your life. If he kills you or break your bones due to violence, just prepare a will that says, I forgive you and still love you. Then wait for him in the after life and follow my same advice. You will be good enough for him even in the after life.

https://www.quora.com/Is-anyone-good-enough-for-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

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[tellomon]

Will a narcissist ever be happy with someone?

In the beginning of a relationship, yes, they are as happy as a child with a new toy. Most people believe that's an act, but it's not. They truly are strongly and intensely infatuated at their new romantic object, to the point where they will put that person on a high pedestal, hence the idealisation phase and the love bombing.

Now, whilst almost everyone tend to idealise and love bomb their new romantic partner, due to their lack of object constancy and magical thinking, narcissists idealisation is insanely irrational and illogical.

They'll regard their new romantic object as perfect and flawless being who can't do or say anything wrong. They'll take the newly acquired romantic object's words as the words of god and mirror their behaviour to the dot and parade them proudly to the world like a trophy.

Consequently, with such level of adulation, comes unrealistically high expectations. Once their hormones settle down and they are over the infatuation stage, they realise that their romantic object is just a mere mortal who's flawed and imperfect like everyone else.

Again, due to their lack of object constancy, their perception regarding the no longer new romantic object will switch from completely white to completely black. From the high pedestal down to the gutter, that marks the devaluation stage.

Will a narcissist ever be happy with someone? Yes, intensely and blissfully happy in the beginning of the relationship, but not for long.
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Nope. Because, at their core they hate themselves (the true self). Their superiority complex is attached to their fake self, the ‘ego’. Their true self has an inferiority complex. And, because they are enable to love their authentic self, they are unable to love anyone else either.

Hence, they do everything within their power to make others hate themselves too. Avoid them at all costs. You are worth so much more than anything they could offer.
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No.

Narcissists own all that they can see, they are entitled to all they become aware of. So, as your personal boundaries shrink, and you give and give, and give some more, the narcissist doesn't become grateful.

He can't appreciate it. You're merely giving him what's his. If you've given too much, and it hurts you to give just one more thing, he feels insulted. He may feel outraged that you feel hurt. You're hurting him by feeling hurt.

So once you've given a narcissist all that you've got, you'd better act like you like it. And if you are wounded or lacking because you gave too much, now he feels disgusted by your weakness.

It's not his fault, it's your fault. To his cruel unappreciating eye, you're weak, disgusting and probably foolish. You have nothing to offer. You're not tricking him. He knows what you're after.

Certainly boundaries also cover emotions. Most people believe others have a right to their emotions to some degree. Not narcissists. Narcissists are unique in that they specifically require others to submit their mental space to the narcissist.

They require you submit your perspective to them, and see everything the way they do. So, they need you to keep moving that boundary. You need to agree with him that your crying out in pain was a heinous violation against his dignity. That you were greedy and wrong and acted against his good nature.

You see, he also owns your good traits. Did you think you could keep that from him? He became aware of your mind space and its now his also. He's been giving and giving, sacrificing his boundaries in the hopes of making you happy.

You're greedily trying to trick him into giving one more thing, you want to take his feeling of being a good person and he's not going to let you have it.

Do you see why you cannot make a narcissist happy? You're not having a relationship with the narcissist. He's having a relationship with himself. As he becomes aware of you, he displaces you.

Anything that doesn't feel good, is rejected from his person and that becomes you. A narcissist doesn't really have any space in his life for other people. He only has space for garbage cans, and the garbage always must be emptied when it gets too full.

So the question is, can you remain fresh and sweet and useful as a garbage disposal for a narcissist or will he have to dump you out?

A narcissist will use whatever you give him, or whatever he takes, to feel happy with himself. (He doesn't have space for YOU, he only has space for how you make him feel about himself. )

He= he/she/they etc.
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No.

They cannot.

They are only about self preservation.

You are just a tool and object to relieve their impulses.

And after they relieve their impulses they're happy for about 30 seconds to 2 minutes tops.

And then it goes back to the same kind of behavior.

There's nothing that can be done.

The only thing that can be done is you leaving.

I've dealt with this population for over a half century and there's not a single one that has ever wanted to change.

They cannot love themselves as it's not possible because they cannot connect emotionally with their true selves.

What you see and have fallen in love with is a facade, a fake, a phony.

https://www.quora.com/Will-a-narcissist-ever-be-happy-with-someone

[tellomon]

How do narcissists get away with lying?

They don’t. Your question is proof that you’re aware. They just wear us down with the pointlessness of the argument and we finally give up and just don’t give a f*ck about them anymore.
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Because they have absolute confidence and conviction behind their lies.

They defend their lies with every once of energy and NEVER WAVER

They also know that if they keep repeating the lie their gaslighting will stick with people for good and implant itself in their conscious..

This convinces most everyone.

This is why their smear campaigns work so well.

This is how narcissist husband's, wives, family members, politicians, religious cults and bosses persuade billions of people of their lies.
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They do it covertly, they are nice to everyone one the street and torture their victims behind closed doors. If the victim complains no one believes that that nice people pleaser could behave that way.

The narcissist probably already poisoned the well and told everyone they are the victim and the real victim is crazy anyway. They gaslight people and get them to doubt things they saw with their own eyes. They deny, deny, deny then deny some more and shift blame. They spend their whole life fooling people, practice makes perfect.
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Narcissists are very practiced in the art of lying. Their whole facade is a lie so it is part of the package.

Unless you are given a reason not to believe what they say you take them at their word. Their explanations may make sense at first. In time you start noticing discrepancies with what they tell you. You don’t really want fo believe you are being lied to or manipulated.

This is especially true when you are romantically attached and they are doing everything in their power to make you feel so loved and special. When you question them you can be criticized making you feel paranoid or insecure. Pretty clever really to blame you and deflect the lie.

You end up second guessing your reaction knowing it irritates them when you call them out. So it continues until you get wise and they find someone who hasn’t figured their game out yet.
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Because they don't care about you or anyone else other than themself.

The see others as objects or extensions of themselves the narcissist can use for their benefit. Even if it is massively disproportionate to the harm it would cause you. A moment of admiration is far more important to them than a lifetime of suffering for one of their victims.

Consider this, con artists will make massive donations to charity while financially destroying their victims. They simply don't care, they are celebrated and loved for a short period of time. Your only value is what the narcissist can get from you; validation, money, stature, access to more supply. A lie is a tool for them to get what they want.

They are master manipulators, learned at an early age how to lie and how it benefits them. Being at the receiving end of this behaviour results in cognitive dissonance. Their victims go into a state of continued acceptance because they can no longer mentally handle the mind “expletive “ that they are experiencing. It is especially difficult for individuals who tend to be honest and are highly empathetic.

I learned a long time ago that the best thing you can do is stop trying to figure them out. It takes up too much real estate in your head. Get away from these people and collect evidence to support your claims when they've realized that they've lost their supply and they try to ruin you.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-narcissists-get-away-with-lying

[tellomon]

Do narcissists ever care?

Yes, there’s one thing that narcissists really care about, something they can’t live without. It’s the most important thing to them, and it even makes them happy. That thing is control. Narcissists need control, and they can’t live without it.

So, what is control?

Control is when someone has power over what people do or what happens. Narcissists want this power over people and events around them. Even though they don’t actually care about others, they still need people to have control over. Without control, narcissists feel weak and unimportant.

They believe they deserve control because they think they’re better than everyone else. For them, control shows their superiority. Narcissists feel like they can only succeed in life by controlling others. It's all about winning for them, so they don’t just want control, they need it.

Without control, narcissists feel lost, like they don’t belong. To keep that control, they lie and manipulate people. They create a fake version of themselves to trick others. If they can control what you know and think about them, you’ll trust them and rely on them.

This is what covert narcissists want, they crave your trust, but they need to control how you see them and what you know about them. The more they learn about you, the more power they think they have over you.
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No, not unless it involved them 100 pct. my ex would ask me the same thing three or four times. I finally told him maybe if you saved your old texts from me you would know. If I talked about me or problems I was having he would say get out of your feelings. He never cared. Why? Because it wasn’t anything he cared about.

https://thetoxicnarcissist.quora.com/Do-narcissists-ever-care-7

[tellomon]

How do you show a narcissist you don't care?

1. Don't ask how they're doing or what they've been up to.

To avoid getting drawn into their world, don't ask questions about their life. The more attention you give them, the more they'll demand. Only ask how they're doing if it's absolutely necessary, like in a work situation or emergency. If you see them in person, just say hello and move on without asking about their life.

2. Don't agree with everything they say.

Narcissists love when people agree with them, but it's important to stay calm and not agree with everything, even if you actually do. If they say something untrue, you can calmly say it's not true, but avoid arguing. They crave validation, so if they think everyone agrees with them, they'll keep seeking it. Disagree politely without getting into a fight. If they ask for your opinion, you can say, "I'm not sure," or "That's not what I would have done." This frustrates them because it shows you don't fully agree.

3. Don't compliment them.

Narcissists thrive on attention and praise. They'll brag about themselves, but don't give them compliments. If they don't get admiration from others, they'll try to boost themselves up. Complimenting them only feeds their behavior. If they ask why you're not saying anything nice, you can say, "I don't really like giving compliments."

4. Don't respond right away when they say something hurtful.

When they say something mean, don't reply immediately. Wait a bit so they get bored of waiting for your reaction and move on to someone else. If they push too hard, you can calmly say how their words hurt you, but do it in a neutral tone without showing emotion.

5. Don't take responsibility for their actions or words.

Narcissists like to make others feel responsible for their behavior so they don't have to own up to it. Don't fall for this. If they try to blame you, you can simply say, "I didn't do anything." They often play the victim even when they're the ones being hurtful. Show them you don't care about their behavior by refusing to engage.
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By not caring, and instead “greyrock"ing.

They CANT STAND IT!! ITS THE BEST.

Just go totally monotone and give them NO TYPE OF EMOTIONAL REACTION AT ALL. Works wonders.
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By blocking them and going no contact. Move on. Walk away. See ya later, bye. Nothing shows them more than those actions. Especially if you’ve been a long term supply for them. Show them that you can do better without them.

Because they’ll never do better without you. They are stagnant people who just transfer issues from one relationship to the next. The story always ends the same for them. But it doesn’t have to for you.
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Depends on what your intention is. If you are interested in continuing the contact with all manipulative tactics for control, then you use a method called Grey Rock. This means you show no emotions to the Narcissist when he lies to you, criticizes, gives you words of praise and the ultimate silent treatment to punish you for not reacting.

For no reaction is like cutting off a limb. They need a reaction for fuel to keep their marginal existence and maintain their life line. So, with that said, if you are not willing to endure this game of checkers, and you believe you deserve better due to the kind and empathic person you are, and want to end this and your own denial of true feelings, then you go No Contact.

That means you block all lines of communication. If the Narcissist cannot contact you he cannot obtain the fuel needed for survival, and he will need to find a new target of fresh supply. This is at very difficult thing to do if you have become trauma bonded. You will actually experience withdrawal sensations because you are without your drug. Get a lot of support should you decide to go no contact and work a recovery program.

I wish you the best, as I was married to a Narcissist for twenty seven years, and then dated one for a year. Different person, same behaviors. As empaths we need to do our inner work, heal our abandonment wounds, get on a program of self care to give back to self what the Narcissist used, abused and sucked out of us!
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You say goodbye then block their number, their email, their social media and delete all their photos, texts, dms and any other correspondence with them. If they gave you any gifts send them back.

Tell any potential flying monkeys not to ever mention the narcissists name to you again. If they do, block them too.

Cut ties with their family members and the friends they knew before you. If anyone asks how you are doing without them say your life is so much better now.

All of this will get back to the narcissist who will feel slighted and they'll probably have a narcissistic collapse.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-show-a-narcissist-you-dont-care

[tellomon]

In general, do narcissists do well in life?

No, they usually can’t handle life well, either in personal or professional situations. They act like emotional toddlers and can't stand being hurt, even if it’s imagined.

When they feel slighted, they either explode in anger or quietly seek revenge. At first, no one believes the victim because the narcissist seems so charming. But after mistreating many people, others start to notice. Co-workers might either get revenge or complain, leading to the narcissist getting fired.

After being fired from too many jobs, with only bad references, they become unemployable. If they own a business, they mistreat their employees and betray partners, so eventually, the business fails when good workers leave.

They can’t plan for the future because their lives are stuck in past trauma. This often leads to irresponsibility with money, not saving for retirement, and eventually living in poverty.

By middle age, their children leave them. The scapegoated child either wants nothing to do with them or is too damaged by the abuse to help. The golden child, raised to be selfish, also won’t help. People who know about the abuse won’t step in, either. As they get older and lose their charm, they struggle to find new sources of admiration.

What’s left is the real, unpleasant person they are, without their charming mask. They may end up in a low-quality care home, where even the staff ignores their attempts to manipulate, leaving them alone and upset.
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If appearing to do well is doing well- then, yes! With Narcissists, nothing is as it appears. You only see what they want you to see. It is like a TV drama. A star, (no co-star) a cast of characters, (chosen by the star to make them shine), a setting (usually pretentious), props, make-up and wardrobe, scripted, directed, and rehearsed, for express viewing by an enamored audience.

The Narcissist anticipates rave reviews. If the reviews are less than stellar, if the applause isn’t loud enough, or if there are no standing ovations, the star will find a new audience that knows enough to clap loud and often! When the episode has been viewed, the star goes back to conjure up another script, directed by them and rehearsed with their cast of characters.

They will troll for an opportunity to put themselves on stage again as soon as possible and wait for the accolades they are certain they deserve. Such is the life of the narcissist!

When we watch a TV drama, we are entertained but we do not think for one minute that the characters are as brilliant, talented, beautiful, handsome, invincible etc. as portrayed. No matter how the lovers fawn over each other and avow their love and commitment, we know that they do not actually love each other.

We know that the house they live in is not where they actually reside. We know that the problems they face are not as easily and as quickly resolved in real life. The ‘loyal friends’ are probably rivals and adversaries off screen! No matter how ‘well’ the Narcissist appears to be doing, it is nothing more than a show!

Narcissists are their own worst enemies, creating misery for those around them, (especially their nearest and dearest), thereby generating hate and resentment in others, who then become their enemies. They makes asses out of themselves everyday. They worry about their image and fear exposure.

They expend much energy trying to maintain that impressive image, and they have to remember all the lies they have told and to whom. They compete with everyone and are the most jealous, vindictive people.

In the end, old age catches up with them. They have burned bridges and are pretty much alone. They are no longer impressive at any level because, after all, an old ‘anything’ is just an old, outdated, obsolete, primitive, worn out, slow, inconvenient, archaic curiosity!

They have not invested in anything real, never cultivated heartfelt relationships, never lifted anyone else except for their own benefit, never contributed meaningfully to society, and they have no legacy. So, No they don’t do well in life- actually they do pretty bad!
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I would say both yes and no.

A narcissist, more than almost anyone else on this planet, is reliant on external validation for who and what they are. So if you have a narcissist that starts succeeding in business and being fluffed as genius & successful for example, they could very well start snowballing into astronomical success.

On the flip side, if you have a narcissist who has repeated failure in relationships, each one chipping away slowly at the narcissist’s grandiose thinking, then a narcissist could start snowballing in the opposite direction. You could also have narcissists that “play it safe”, because they are terrified of either direction.

The type of narcissist that ends up unhappily married, no real hobbies, with little real friends and in middle management till the day they die. Even in my own life, I have seen all three of these scenarios take shape. So really I think in a general sense, it depends. But I will say the success is always reliant on external validation & supply.

I'd say a generally safe statement would be that a narcissist is tied very closely to:

a) the amount of supply they are able to obtain, and in turn the sense of self-worth & justification of their self-identity they are able to generate

b) the amount of narcissistic injury they endure in the form of abandonment, rejection, criticism, failure, etc.

If I were to look at aspects of life a narcissist might generally do better in than the average person, it would likely be in their career. A narcissist has a few major advantages in this regard.

For one, they have a lack of emotional empathy. Using people, backstabbing, manipulating for personal gain, stepping on others to pass them. If it comes down to it, a narcissist will put themselves first. Always. There is a power in that. Also, due to things like entitlement & grandiose thinking, a narcissist could think they were worthy of all the success in the world.

That is largely a glass fortress that can be shattered with even one strong negative comment, but as stated above, if lots of things support their view, they can reach astronomical success, wealth and power. Narcissists and highly narcissistic people are all over Hollywood, politics and business.

In terms of both their relationship with themself and relationship with others, a narcissist definitely doesn’t do well. Unless they are being flooded with supply, a narcissist will always be at constant war with themself. The false self, that's wonderful and their real person they internally feel is worthless, at a constant tug of war. Empty, jealous, slighted, fearful are just a handful of the many constant feelings.

And as for relationships, they will subconsciously be living out the same cycle over and over again, with each passing relationship giving them more evidence to internally believe they are very flawed. And if they happen to stay in relationships, the buildup of narcissistic injury and abuse will rear its ugly head. NPD, without some type of intervention or therapy, is unfortunately a death sentence in these two regards.

https://www.quora.com/In-general-do-narcissists-do-well-in-life

[tellomon]

Every accusation is a confession.
The Accusing Nature of Narcissists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgQ5lzu9HS8