Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

Page 31

How does a narcissist react to confrontation?

Narcissists are big bullies but also big cowards. (Ask me how I know) It’s been my experience with the two in our immediate family that they do their worst behind the scenes but when you find out and confront them, they are not so brave. Of course, a confrontation intensifies their smear campaigns.

At least now they have something to smear you with. Just a note of caution, they NEVER tell what they have done to you or said about you with no cause, other than jealousy or envy. They are the whiniest victims you’ve ever seen!
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Co-narcs hate confrontation. They hate it because it calls them to the carpet to take responsibility for their actions. They don’t want to be responsible for their deplorable behavior or the way they treat you and others. They despise accountability because accountability forces them to take a look inwardly instead of outwardly, which is where they are always looking.

They may shift the blame back to you by suddenly changing the focus of the conversation from their behavior to something you did instead. They may simply fume and walk away and then not speak to you for days, ignoring any effort to discuss what happened - stonewalling.

They may suddenly rage and spew all kinds of verbal machine gun style threats and abusive comments your way. Some even become physically violent if they feel they are losing control of you or the situation.

Each covert narcissist is a little different in their approach and they usually will tailor it to your perceived or actual vulnerabilities.
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They rage when they get called out. They immediately try to turn it around on you and start listing your negative traits. It’s always someone or something else’s fault why narcs behave the way they do. They don’t accept responsibility for their actions and accountability is nonexistent with them. If you feel you need to confront a narc, be sure you have your exit plan mapped out because it’s gonna be scorched earth.
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Very very simply put? They will turn it back on you and make you feel like you’re the crazy one. They’ll deflect and divert and make it all about you until you have no leg to stand on. Totally not worth it. The ONLY thing that I ever said to my ex narcissist that rattled him was I SEE YOU,...
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Lies, always lies and a Toss salad of lies, Blaming you & others, excuses, non answers, re-direct, silent treatment and if your lucky a Hydrogen bomb gaslight. Remember you're in just one of many bugs in the “Spider’s web”.
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They lie, they leave the room. They will do anything to not have the conversation and to not acknowledge a problem. Even if you had them on surveillance cameras, heard and saw everything they did, somehow the camera is wrong. Everything they do is Right. Everything you do is wrong. And the world revolves around them.
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Covert narcissists don't like confrontation as they prefer to be the man behind the screen, the sorceress who makes others move just by willing it. Confronting them with accusations makes them combatitive.

Best to stay off the radar.

If you have any ability in acting at all, you can easily construct a character who the narcissist feels superior too, and then you can safely influence them from there, directing their endless aggression elsewhere.

Do you really want to win, or do you just want to look like you're winning?

https://www.quora.com/How-does-a-narcissist-react-to-confrontation?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

Why are narcissists never happy? Are they in capable of being happy?

Narcissists are never going to be happy because of their unrealistic expectations and parasitic, jealous, envious, and selfish nature. Whatever they get makes them happy for a little while, then they crave more.

Narcissists want more. Narcissists are never satisfied with the things they have because they keep comparing themselves to others. Narcissists compete with everyone for more attention, admiration, and validation. Narcissists live their lives in jealousy and enviousy.

Narcissists have unrealistic expectations from people around them; they want unlimited narcissistic supply from people without being questioned or putting in effort, which is not going to happen. Narcissists always have high expectations; if they are not fulfilled, they keep anger and grudges.

Give narcissists everything they want, and still they aren't going to be satisfied. An unsatisfied person is going to always be unhappy.

Dealing with shame and what people think about them is one of the reasons narcissists just can't live happily.
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In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson,

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well”.

Happiness is NOT a goal. Happiness cannot be bought. You can’t find happiness by chasing after it. Neither is happiness a ‘final’ destination.

That’s the problem with NPD’s. They’re totally incapable of creating their own happiness because they believe someone MUST create it for them.

No wonder ALL NPD relationships falter and fail as the NPD is going about ‘finding’ happiness totally wrong.

Show true, real love and care. Show compassion, show patience, gentleness and kindness to people around you and instantly, happiness sits on your shoulder, meets you at the door. Happiness envelopes you and follows you where ever you go.

Manipulate, triangulate, abuse, lie, cheat, deceive, rage, gaslight - and you expect to find happiness? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Let’s modify the question: (there’s a double negative)

Why can’t narcissists be happy? They are doing and trying everything to feel happy but they are not, they are always miserable.

Why is that?

Step inside the shoes of those closest to the NPD and live as them for a month, a week, a day, an hour.

No. NPD’s are NOT trying everything to feel happy. On the contrary, what NPD’s do to those closest to them is the antithesis of happiness.
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Unfortunately, they will never feel happy and they are not happy that you’re happy. That’s the reason you hear most people say to get revenge on the narcissist, live your life and be happy.

They are forever children trapped in adult bodies and don’t know how to be happy. They get off on causing harm and unhappiness to others because they can’t be happy. They are tormented every day they are alive and will hate you if you tell them you love them.

Somewhere along their life when they were a child, they were abused somehow and some way. To cover this abuse, they developed all these ways (masks) to protect themselves because there were not protected. They learned to be mean, they learned to be hard, they learned to hate themselves thus learning how to exact this pain on others.

There intent in life is to wreak their evilness on others to hopefully get them to feel like them, empty. So they cannot be happy because they do not know happiness. Stay away from them so that your happiness will not be snatched away.
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True happiness is a state of mind that’s based on a foundation of self-validation and security. When someone feels safe, secure, and loved, their mind is primed for happiness.

Narcissists lack this foundation. They don’t have any self-validation to rely on. Instead of feeling secure, loved, and confident, they feel insecure, unworthy, and inadequate. In this condition, true happiness is out of their reach.

But narcissists can still feel happy at times. Whenever someone says or does anything that makes the narcissist feel special or important, it suppresses the narcissist’s internal feelings of unworthiness and inferiority, resulting in the narcissist feeling relief/happiness.

This external validation is the only thing that gives a narcissist any sense of happiness, but unlike internal validation, external validation is not a permanent, reliable power source. It comes and goes. Still, narcissists are so dependent on external validation that they spend their entire lives trying to keep sources of it in constant supply.

External validation makes the narcissist feel better for a short time, but it does not change how the narcissist truly feels about themselves. It doesn’t give them self-esteem. It doesn’t morph into self-validation. All it does is put a temporary bandage over their deeply-rooted feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy.

https://getoverthenarcissist.quora.com/Why-are-narcissists-never-happy-Are-they-in-capable-of-being-happy

[tellomon]

.

[tellomon]

"You don't have to ask a narcissist one question about their childhood; they'll put you through it".
What You Don’t Know: Narcissists are Actually Victims of This

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eziBH59j2q0

[tellomon]

Being an empath is a true gift. We are taken  down for a time but resiliency is a healing balm that will come and recharge us.
WHEN THE EMPATH STRIKES BACK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qB-JamEcjg

[tellomon]

3 Cruel Tactics Narcissists Use to End Relationships Without Warning!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwG5eJA1Ias

[tellomon]

Narcissist hates peace.
WHO YOU WERE BEFORE YOU MET THE NARCISSIST

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3T7gZJI-PM

[tellomon]

Why did the narcissist target me and ruin my life?

They picked you because they saw something in you they wanted. To win you over, they copied your behavior, values, and how you responded to things. They studied you and tried to reflect a version of you back to you.

This is the basis of trauma bonding. It feels like a deep connection, but it was never real in the first place.

So, to break it down simply and positively: everything you were attracted to in them was actually just you seeing your own qualities in the mirror. You were drawn to the things in them that you value in yourself.

Even though it was fake on their part, what they did was highlight what makes you special—your glow, your talents, and your morals, which lead to real success. These are things they’ll never have or be able to live by.

So while it hurts to realize none of it was real, the truth is, you fell in love with your own strengths. Give yourself the credit you deserve and stop being hard on yourself!

They chose you because they wanted to be like you. But their attention span is like that of a small child, always moving on to the next shiny thing.

So don’t feel too bad when they chose a new target and discarded you, if anything that was a blessing.
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Narcissists target you to fill the emptiness within them.

Whatever value you possess is their aim.

Whatever chinks you have in your personal armour is what they seek to expose.

Whatever doesn't kill you, can make you stronger.

No one deserves to be abused. By anyone. Change is inevitable. Such is life.

A hard knock school, sometimes. Always be learning. Evilness truly does exist.

If you keep being repetitively targeted, time come to change some boundaries.

Stop, pause, self reflect.

Understand your value. Know your foundations. Work out what you need, before your wants.

Burn old bridges.
Build some new ones. Put up a gatehouse.
Establish a solid observation post.
Stop the marauding hordes. There be dragons. Don't get burnt again.
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Because you have something they want.
Because they just Target you to destroy you because they don't like something about you.
Because they want to watch you fall from grace and realize it's because of them.
Because they want to be the reason why you want to end your life (no joke).
Because they want you to make them look good. And then they love it when you start to feel bad, have anxiety, have depression they love it as your body slowly falls apart and away from itself.
Because you have money, a nice car, a nice place to live. They want to take advantage of this situation 100% and steal everything away from you.
Because you're completely high status. They want to bring you down from that status and make you feel horrible.
Because you keep talking to them and give them lots of narcissistic supply by agreeing with everything they say.
Because you're highly empathetic.
Because they want to use you sexually.
It's all about using someone and then discarding them in the trash when they are done with you.

The reason they Hoover is they want to finish the job destroying you.

https://thetoxicnarcissist.quora.com/Why-did-the-narcissist-target-me-and-ruin-my-life

[tellomon]

Do Narcissists have a plot or do they just hurt
people for their own gratification?

Narcissists don’t actually formulate a plot to hurt you.

While there’s an overlap of sadistic behavior and NPD, wanting to inflict pain isn’t part of the DSM criteria for narcissism; rather, the misery narcissists cause to others is more akin to collateral damage.

The crux of the issue is that narcissists DON’T CARE if/when they hurt you, due to their lack of empathy.

Your feelings are meaningless to a narcissist, so your pain is a non-issue to them as a result of their selfishness.

In the beginning, you get them super high and all of their behaviors reflect that, also because of their selfishness.

They simply are not thinking of anything other than how great they feel basking in your reflection: it’s ego supply. And it supports the narcissist’s mask by giving them access to your traits to mirror, as well as feeding their sense of grandiosity.

Narcissists’ constant search for external validation is their main priority, bar none. Everything else just falls to the wayside… including awareness of any consequences of their behavior, to others or even to themselves.

Because NPD is a shame-resistant disorder at baseline, when a narcissist inevitably does end up causing you to suffer as a result of their behavior, they’ll need to protect themselves from any sense of responsibility in it.

In this way, narcissists do enjoy harming you because it’s palliative. It’s like taking an Excederin tablet for a migraine: it’s pain relief.

That pill feels SO good precisely because it takes away the misery.

Lots of things can be the panacea for a pwNPD; this is how projection functions: by applying the narcissist’s own toxic motives to you… in other words, no need to feel bad for you when YOU deserved it anyway!

But devaluation has by far the highest level of potency.

Because of narcissists’ immaturity and low emotional intelligence, they are ridden with jealousy over anything anyone else has that they don’t.

This is why they seem to go from idealizing you to hating you overnight:

the very same qualities that attracted the narcissist to you soon make them envy you.

And envy to a narcissist is experienced as hatred.

Once the narcissist hates you, they can no longer feel gratified or validated by your goodness. The very memory of it all blows away with the wind as if it never happened, due to their lack of object constancy and their poor emotional recall.

Lack of empathy means narcissists can’t attach feelings to memories, and they can’t miss you because they never bonded with you.

Instead they switch you to negative supply status, and there’s no coming back from that (other than fake, mini-love bombs used as manipulation whenever the narcissist still wants to use you).

That’s how the disorder manifests: its purpose is to offload any and all uncomfortable or complex emotions the narcissist is unable to process.

This includes any sense of guilt about harms you’ve suffered as a result of their selfishness.

Their NPD kicks in and causes them to perceive any negative outcome as because of you, so to their mind, you’re only getting what you deserve.

No need to apologize to you for your suffering the natural consequences of your own actions.

Apologizing would mean admitting fault.

And the narcissist must hold fast to their fantasy of greatness, because they are nothing without it.

Narcissists’ grandiose delusion leads them to feel so god-like in power that they believe they have the ability to not only judge you but decide your fate as well.

Narcissism, acted out, is an impulse and not a scheme.

https://www.quora.com/Do-Narcissists-have-a-plot-or-do-they-just-hurt-people-for-their-own-gratification

[tellomon]

Why does a narcissist act like it's nothing when they hurt you?

Narcissists don't care about your feelings, so they don't want to bring up bad things that have happened before. Narcissists want to escape accountability and responsibility for what they have done.

If a narcissist talks about things that have happened from their side, then they have to take their share of blame, which they won't take. Narcissists believe it's not worth their time discussing issues with you.

Narcissists create drama and chaos in relationships to punish you and to get more narcissistic supply, then they will act like nothing happened because they got what they wanted at the cost of your feelings.

This is Narcissist's favorite tactic of gaslighting that there is no problem in the relationship from their side; it's you who needs to put effort into fixing things. Narcissists will make you look like a crazy person in a relationship.
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If you are asking why they pretend nothing happened after they have behaved poorly, they are gaslighting you. This is an insidious form of emotional abuse to make the victim doubt their own memory, reality and sanity, and also to make you be more easily manipulated next time.

Narcissists do not do accountability.
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Narcissist take no accountability of their actions. They are not answerable to anything especially their own destructive actions and abuse. Instead they play the victim and turn the tables on their victims.

They don’t understand the needs of others and absolutely lack empathy hence they can’t comprehend the amount of damage that they do around to their loved ones. They can bring heaven and earth down that’s ok and inconsequential in their mind. But the slightest inconvenience caused to them will set them in to a narcissist rage and they will bring down the roof.

https://risingabovenarcissism.quora.com/Why-does-a-narcissist-act-like-its-nothing-when-they-hurt-you

[tellomon]

Why can't people see the positive in a narcissist?

The formula is simple.

We have a person who flies into a rage when you say ‘no’ to them.

But they love to violate your boundaries and push your buttons and can’t stop doing it.

So you either say ‘no’ to their violations and risk them flying into a rage, or you let them violate you to their hearts content. Please choose one.

What’s so positive about that?

Oh, you mean they’re supposed to be sexy, they’re supposed to be highly intelligent, and highly successful?

None of it is what it seems. They are either drunk on unearned glory or drunk on abusing someone, or bored out of their minds and looking for someone to abuse.

What appears to naifs as sexiness, intelligence, success or some other virtue is just them successfully upselling (lies and masks) themselves to naifs. It’s their drunk on glory mode, which consists of lies and masks plus a victim who isn’t yet aware they are a victim because the truth hasn’t come out yet.

And .....

...if you ever get close enough to them to scratch beneath the surface, you will find that they’re not sexy, intelligent, nor anything positive at all. Because you will eventually discover that all they are is abusive. Abuse is their overwhelming quality that dilutes all their other qualities.

Abuse does funny things to us. To borrow a phrase from Rain Martin, "Abuse pollute each treasured memory with the truth. Abuse kills the sexiness, the intelligence, the anything positive".

It is hard to associate abuse with any positive qualities.

Narcissists are reservoirs of stored up abuse waiting to be unleashed on someone.

All their supposed positive qualities are just the bait to lure unsuspecting victims in to abuse. They trick you into engaging with them, and then they degrade you.

The positiveness only stays for as long as the mask stays, for as long as you still don’t perceive them as an abuser.

The positiveness is a mask.

Lose the mask and you lose all the positiveness.
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Let me dispel this by saying something nice:

They generally take care of themself and look their best. The better to fool you with.

They can be ambitious. They can use you and use you up to get what they want.

They Smile a lot. To fool and manipulate you.

They know what they want. They don’t care who they hurt to get it.

They are paper trained. They rarely poop on bare floors.

They're generous to a fault. To themselves.

I think that’s about it.

I tried I really did. It is hard to find nice things to say about people who intentionally hurts other people, try to destroy them actually. And then walk away without a care or concern about the damage they did. It’s hard.

If anything else comes up I will add it.

ok here goes:

They clean up nice. At least their mom’s think so.

Deep down they are really nice people, (That’s why we bury them at 12 instead of 6 feet when they die).

They are rarely late. Unless they owe you money.

They rarely owe you money, unless you give it too them. (think about it).

They are good at making promises. Keeping them, not so much.
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Believe it or not most people know something is off about the narcissist even if they have not researched narcissism . People generally put up with a narcissistic person because they know the drama that surrounds them and don’t care for it.

The nice guy act : fake. The friendship : fake. The love: fake. Decent people cant stand the smug superiority , can’t stand the passive aggressive self absorbed righteous bs , they simply put up with it to keep the peace . A narcissist translates this as people liking them. Truth is they are very unliked and suffered to the narcissist’s ignorance . There is nothing likeable or positive about a true narcissist because the disorder infiltrates every facet of them, every friendship, every relationship , every job.

They are alone , they are living in their trauma and they do not experience the calm connection with their inner world as others do, therefore have to orchestrate things so they feel comfortable and in control. They are malicious in their intentions and they are abusive. It’s a tragic way to experience this lifetime.

There’s nothing positive about narcissism apart from the self knowledge and strength it ends up giving the survivors of it. It will teach anyone who who comes into contact with a narcissist at least one meaningful thing about themselves .

The narcissist is obsessed with winning but really they lose every time eventually . There’s your positive.
________________________________

Narcissists work tirelessly to empower us with a deeper understanding of whom to avoid in our personal and professional lives.

They make you appreciate people not tainted by the dark triad. Mere jerks or monsters are far less problematic - a breath of fresh air by comparison.

Narcissists do so much to raise awareness of emotional abuse. I cannot say enough about the educational initiatives they undertake. So many of us now know about gaslighting, breadcrumbing, intermittent reinforcement, the silent treatment, and projection. Without the help of narcissists, we might otherwise be ignorant of the power of these awful techniques.

In short, narcissists are terrific people! I learned so much about judging people’s actions rather than their words. They make PTSD real by bringing it to us; no way could we get that experience from a book.

Thank you so much, narcissists - you’re the best!

https://www.quora.com/Why-cant-people-see-the-positive-in-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

Coverts are the WORST kind of narcissist...the crazy making BS they put you through is Hell.
3 Ways a Covert Narcissist Masks Themself

@fifilafleur5555
6 months ago
When I have cried and shown my emotions because I’m passionate about telling the truth of what actually happened, the evil narcs have used my hurt and emotions against me saying I’m crazy and mentally unstable. This is what they do!!! So you have to be stoic and unemotional which can be incredibly difficult when your enemies are lying about you. It’s so soooooo painful. And infuriating.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9up5VTIRJo

[tellomon]

@edwardelliott5756
3 hours ago
I have seen this in my ex wife's eyes many times.  Her eyes turned totally black for the entire eye.  It was like watching a horror movie only their were no special effects artificially producing them.  It happened most often when some craftiness of hers was exposed for the scam that it was.  Her voice got intense and deep.  And lest you think this was my imagination, my daughter saw this several times herself.  The scary thing was it could happen in a split second at any time.   If this is not demonic possession I don't know what is.

What Makes Narcissists Eyes Turn Black

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d56JsjuXwE

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists walk away when you tell them the things they have done wrong?

They can’t handle the truth.

This would mean they are imperfect. This would mean you aren’t under their spell anymore. You no longer are willing to put up with their sh!t, their accusations, their control, their lies. Since you aren’t willing to put up with their sh!t anymore, what then are you providing them?

Unconditional love? They think it is impossible for you to love them unconditionally if they aren’t perfect. They believe they are only worthy of unconditional love if they are perfect. That means you no longer see them as lovable. You can tell them this isn’t true a million times. You can tell them despite a hurt, you love them still. You will allow 100’s of slights, but don’t tell them one slight, one hurt.

You can tell them you love them because of their imperfections, despite them. None of it matters. Their idea of themselves being perfect is not to be debated or questioned by anyone. You say they hurt you, they will tell you they are done with you, because now they have a litany of reasons, most of them what they did to you, of why they must discard you.

At this point they need to walk away, ignore, blame shift, project, gaslight so their house of cards can stay erect. Anything except accept the fact they are not perfect and take ownership of the one time you pointed out they hurt you. Now they know they will no longer be getting fuel from you.

You’re useless now. Unless you say you are sorry for pointing out how they are flawed and allow them to treat you however the hell they want to, or more so grovel at their feet.

Let them go!
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They love nothing more than criticizing you mercilessly, but if they think you may even hint at something they’ve done wrong, they will do all they can to shut you down and silence you.

They just can’t tolerate being held accountable.
___________________________

Because in their eyes they do nothing wrong. They are empty inside, are easily offended and refuse to take Any sort of criticism albeit constructive or just criticism. Telling them the truth about themselves is like a smack in the face. Their fragile egos just do not allow for Any type of judgement or criticism. We are just supply for a narcissist pure and simple.

If we go against Anything they do or say we become the Enemy. So, by leaving they will then go and find another source to boost there ego and make them feel powerful once again. It's Nothing you did or said, It truly is all about there inner demons. Prayers to all dealing with narcissistic abuse.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-walk-away-when-you-tell-them-the-things-they-have-done-wrong

[tellomon]

No one falls in love faster than a narc needing
a place to stay.
Never Let a Narcissist in
Your Home

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReIDbi0ukUI

[tellomon]

The devil doesn’t come to you as an enemy. The devil comes to you as a friend. Your supporter. Your hero. Charm. Flattery. Support. Those are the devil's methods. The narc is a possessed entity.
A Narcissist Will Never
Fulfill You


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7he21-Hhe9c

[tellomon]

Demons are real! And they attack when you have good in your heart, because that's what pleases God!
Science Has Proven Narcissists Have Demons in Them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbA_YoAWOZI

[tellomon]

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

@ronaldculley
0 seconds ago
I have reached out to so-called Professionals to help me with my narc abuse issues. They have all refused to deal with me. I figure THEY ARE NARCS TOO!

[tellomon]

So many empaths struggle with that quest, "Am I the narc"? But many psychologists will tell you, the fact that you're asking that question means that you are not the narcissist. A narcissist would never asked themselves, "Am I evil; am I a narcissist"?
5 Signs You Don't Have
Evil Energy Like That Narcissist


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgDrkmcjLxo

[tellomon]

Can a narcissist become really dangerous?
How dangerous?

TONS OF NARCISSISTS KILL THEIR PARTNERS EVERY SINGLE YEAR.

Narcissists are well known to have little to no self control. So to my mind, each victim is ALWAYS at risk.

ALWAYS.

And hey, the victims never suspected that they could be killed by their partners. This simply because narcissists are very COVERT.

They show you one thing when in fact they are the complete OPPOSITE.
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If being the lead cause somebody commits suicide is a danger then yes they are.

If crossing them and having your property, careers, and reputations systematically destroyed can be considered dangerous yes they are.

If being fooled into thinking you are in the relationship of your life and that person is actually and purposely causing emotional pain that will lead to lifelong problems with your sense of well being, self worth and can give you PTSD, depression and a whole list of other mental ailments is dangerous then yes they are.

If being around a person that will sacrifice a years long friendship for personal gain with no remorse and no regret is danger is dangerous yes they are.

If being around someone who can fly into a rage for a slight, be it real or imagined and physically attack you is dangerous, yes they are.

If being around someone who can tell two different people two different lies about each other to cause a big fight between them is dangerous, then yes they are.

Yes, they are dangerous, you’ve been warned.

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If they are well-socialized and non-violent, it is unlikely that their transgressions will exceed the threshold of petty, manipulative mind-games, denials, and well-disguised bullying.

If they are NOT well-socialized, are aggressive, and preserve grudges as a curator might preserve relics, THEN ALL BETS ARE OFF. Anything can happen then; such a person will escalate a conflict unilaterally and strike unexpectedly in unpredictable ways.

In Layman's terms, they will F*CK YOU UP!

https://www.quora.com/Can-a-narcissist-become-really-dangerous-How-dangerous

[tellomon]

Is it common for a narcissist to tell the victim that they can't have any good conversation with the victim because of the victim's behavior?

Of course it is common…this is their mantra! ( one of them anyway…)

You are blamed for EVERYTHING! They can't speak “rationally” to you because YOU'RE not “rational.” They can not be kind to you because you deserve to be punished and learn a lesson for how you ‘behaved.’

This is not only projection. This is the definition of blame shifting! Every single bad thing they have done they will accuse YOU of doing and more than likely…you have not done one single thing! Except maybe try to salvage this insane relationship and salvage your very own sanity which is on a slippery slope. How could it not be?

You are now not only questioning your own behavior…your own sanity….they literally start getting you to think you have done them wrong and then YOU are just wrong. Every day! All the time! And it will not end until you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, walk away and NEVER look back!
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Wait, you didn’t know your behavior was unacceptable? You didn’t try to stand up for yourself, did you? I know you didn’t tell them they were wrong, right? You should stop trying to find fault in everything they do.

Just because they made a mistake (or 5,000) doesn’t mean they’re ALWAYS out to hurt you (they only try to hurt you one out five times). You really should stop being so controlling. That might limit their ability to deceive you, which will then be your fault.

If you really wanted to make things work, you’d just accept them as they are. No questions asked. Believe that the sky is green and trees are blue, just like they said. They really need your support on these things. When you can see the error of your ways, and you can apologize, you’ll be forgiven and conversations can resume.

I actually believe this is the dialogue going through their minds.
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Yep! Once you know you know. The fog kept you from knowing and during those times.. you gave him what he needed.

not anymore. Now you can standup .. speak up. You can be sarcastic … smart mouth.. not pussy foot anymore and you are no fun anymore.
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Related
Do narcissists hate their victims?

Not until their 'victim' ceases to be THEIR 'victim'. Up until then, it just seems like they 'hate' you. One of the most 'exposing' answers you get from a narcissist is when you ask "Why do you act like you hate me so often?" and their answer is "It has nothing to do with you." or "Why does everything have to be ABOUT YOU?"

They can be looking at you like they could kill you, talking to you in a tone of voice like you're a stray dog in their trash, looking at you like you absolutely disgust them while giving you the silent treatment, or be totally ignoring you or anything you say and if you ask 'why' they're showing you nothing but 'hate', they accuse you of being 'self centered' and 'making everything about you'.

Duh, when somebody is looking AT YOU like they 'hate' YOU. Talking TO YOU like they 'hate' YOU. Looking at YOU like YOU disgust them. Ignoring what YOU are saying. Giving YOU the silent treatment.

What kind of f**ing idiot would try to tell YOU that these things 'have nothing to do with YOU' and the ONLY reason you would confront them is because "YOU are trying to make everything about YOU"?

If this bullshit is directed AT YOU it has EVERYTHING to do 'with YOU' whether it's YOU they actually 'hate' or not.

The least a 'victim' can do for themselves is get the hell away from the narcissist and make themselves 'worthy' of being 'hated' instead of just being talked to and looked at like they're 'hated'.

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-common-for-a-narcissist-to-tell-the-victim-that-they-cant-have-any-good-conversation-with-the-victim-because-of-the-victims-behavior

[tellomon]

From:JH Simon
jhsimon@substack.com
To:m86thecat@yahoo.com
Fri, Sep 27 at 12:51 AM

The Lost Child In A Narcissistic Family

Uniqueness, spontaneity and agency hold no value in a narcissistic family. Instead, everyone is reduced solely to a role that serves the narcissistic parent’s grandiose false self.

The spouse acts as a central pillar to legitimise the narcissist’s grandiosity. The spouse also stands in as an emotional sponge which protects the narcissist from having to be vulnerable with the children. The spouse generally puts out fires and plays the peacekeeper in the home.

The golden child becomes an expression of the ‘light’ side of the narcissist’s grandiosity. They are the narcissist’s protégé; the one who the narcissist pins their hopes and dreams on.

As for the ‘dark’ side of the narcissist’s grandiosity, frustration and negative emotions need to be syphoned off to maintain the integrity of the false self. After all, a ‘superior’ and ‘special’ person cannot have flaws. For this, the scapegoat of the family acts as an outlet. The narcissist shames the scapegoat, humiliates them, rages at them and blames them for everything that goes wrong. Where the golden child can do no wrong, the scapegoat can do no right.

Finally, the divine child is the narcissist’s mascot, playing a ceremonial role to give the family a positive brand in public.

The only person who lacks a defined role, is the lost child. Their sole task is to keep quiet, and never rock the boat.

Access Denied

The lost child is usually a middle sibling, or in some cases, can be the youngest. Once the narcissist has separated two of the children into ‘perfect’ and ‘disgusting’, i.e., into ‘good’ and ‘bad’, then they stop caring about the rest.

This is the simplest way to look at it. There are exceptions, of course.

Some families have two narcissistic parents, and the children can be split into two camps, depending on birth order and gender. The divine child can also be an exception. Much like the golden child, the divine child can do no wrong. Yet what separates them is that, unlike the golden child, nothing is expected of the divine child. The golden child is supposed to live up to the narcissistic parent’s demands — to become competent, special and powerful according to their parent’s vision. The divine child, on the other hand, is ‘the baby’, and adored simply for being the baby. You can think of the golden child as the narcissist’s ideal version of themselves, and the divine child as the child the parent could have ideally been before their narcissistic wound emerged. Both are projections.

In some narcissistic families, a child is designated as a surrogate parent and told to look after their younger siblings. In this case, the surrogate parent is given a position of importance that has nothing to do with the narcissist’s grandiosity. They simply play a functional role which frees the narcissist from the pressures of their parenting role.

Any child who fails to claim a position during the ‘scramble’ for roles gets left behind. While they are unlikely to be tossed out onto the street, they subliminally come to understand that there is a VIP section in their family, and they are not on the list.

The narcissistic parent then goes about maintaining their ‘realm’ of grandiosity, shining the light (and darkness) of their attention on the children in the ‘club’. Meanwhile, the lost child gradually comes to feel unseen. They might fight this reality for a time, using aggression to wrestle some attention, but the narcissistic parent is quick to put them back into place. Over time, the thick, heavy, corrosive fog of shame washes over the lost child, as they sink deeper and deeper into a haze of obscurity.

The Vertigo Of No Identity

In the family home, nobody enquires into how the lost child is feeling. Nobody asks them questions, or pauses to share a genuine moment with them. Family discussions involve the lost child sitting there like a mute. If the lost child does pipe up, they might get a blank stare before the conversation continues without them, or someone interrupts them halfway. Nothing the lost child shares is taken seriously. If the lost child is depressed, or upset, or struggling with something, nobody notices or cares.

Meanwhile, the lost child lives with a burning sense of unworthiness. They feel as though nobody sees them, hears them or cares about them. Without a mirror from others to give them feedback, acknowledgement, approval or guidance, the lost child loses a sense of who they are. Their only companion in their lonely world is shame; that burning sense of inferiority and worthlessness. A dark heaviness takes hold of them, as they find themselves sucked deeper and deeper into an internal abyss, feeling as though they are floating in infinite space.

The lost child eventually develops a ‘schizoid’ personality and grows detached from the world, experiencing it through a psychological glass window. Nothing feels real in this state; not even the lost child themselves.

Plagued by despair while aching from the pain of not belonging or even existing, the lost child continues drifting through the dark abyss, before noticing a light in the distance.

Awaiting them is Utopia.

A New World Of Possibility

The lost child’s alienation from their family often carries into the real world. Lacking foundational interpersonal skills, they struggle to find a spot in social circles at school and in the community. They spend the majority of their time alone, feeling lonely even when surrounded by people. They may develop one-on-one special relationships with other lost children, and this might eventually grow into a friendship group of ‘outcasts’. Yet the lost child’s internal state remains intact: They feel like an alien in outer space.

Without a world to connect with, and with shame swelling inside them, the lost child retreats from their pain and into their mind. They typically develop a rich imagination, conjuring up countless pretend scenarios where people love them or they can be the hero. This helps medicate their feeling of being unlovable and impotent in the real world.

The lost child also develops a long series of crushes, picking out special love interests who might ‘choose’ them and pluck them out of obscurity. These crushes usually remain in the lost child’s imagination, however, with the lost child staring and longing from afar.

In their spare time, the lost child may spend countless hours reading, binge-watching or playing video games. This dissociated state acts to numb the lost child’s pain while giving them a sense of peace and control.

The lost child will often dabble in creative pursuits. They do this intuitively as a way to give shape to the unspeakable reality that is their life. After all, how can you voice something which does not exist?

Being an outsider for much of their life, the lost child gains a one-of-a-kind bird’s-eye view of the world. While others are wrapped up in the minutiae and triviality of daily action, the lost child sees only the bigger picture. Unaffected by the bluster and drama, and undistracted by social demands, the lost child has nothing but time and space. They spend it observing the world, as patterns and insights gather in their rich imagination, and they begin to connect dots nobody else sees.

An Indispensable Perspective

The world is a chaotic and confusing place. Unceasing events in our lives and society at large create ripples and waves of overwhelming emotions and problems. Someone in the house leaves their dental floss on the sink every damn day, and you are ready to burst. Two of your close friends are no longer on speaking terms, and you find yourself playing diplomat while losing sleep over the drama. Your lover has been acting strange and distant recently. Long hours at work are making it harder to honour your commitment to your basketball teammates. Such are the demands of living in an inter-connected world. You have no time to process, let alone make sense of your life.

Enter the lost child.

The lost child barely notices the mess on the sink, too lost in their imagination. They coolly observe their school or work drama from their lonely spot and wonder if it matches that psychology book they spent all weekend reading. An acquaintance of theirs, overwhelmed and over-stressed, soon notices the lost child doing nothing and confides in them about their relationship problems. The lost child consults their rich imagination and deep knowledge, and suggests something the acquaintance had never thought to consider. Half-impressed and half-sceptical, the acquaintance thanks the lost child and goes about their day, wondering how they will implement this enlightened bit of advice.

Herein lies the paradox of the lost child. From their dispensable and disposable place, they become uniquely indispensable. With their creative way of thinking, encyclopedic knowledge and bird’s-eye perspective, the lost child can offer immense value. In many cases, this value is squandered, as the lost child, riddled with low self-esteem and a lack of agency, remains in their place of obscurity.

For the fortunate lost child, the world comes calling. In such a case, some one notices the lost child’s exceptional worth and encourages them to share it. Lost children are often famed painters, prolific writers and brilliant philosophers. They go from being cast out of the world to transcending it, while transforming society in unfathomable and unimaginable ways.

If you happen to be a lost child, know this: You are worthy. But only when you learn to see yourself. Rise to your Higher state, and direct your lost inner child to follow your light back into the world.

God knows it needs you.

[tellomon]

Takes practice to stand in your boundaries. Narcissists behave like you don’t get to say “no” or have a boundary of mutual respect. Narcissists hate boundaries because their belief system is if it’s not their idea then it’s not the truth. There is constant relational abuse with a narcissist, who must dominate a person instead of collaborate with a person. Reciprocity and mutual respect is the foundation for all healthy relationships. Find people who give you respect back, keep healing survivors.

[tellomon]

My therapists says “they aren’t on your team” , my oldest says “they aren’t worth your time” and my heart says “they never loved me to begin with”… When ending a relationship with a narcissistic personality there will always be the narcissist’s supporters who abuse by proxy. In your darkest moments, remember there are other survivors out there who understand the toxic web of the narcissist. Keep healing survivors.

[tellomon]

Are vampires a metaphor for narcissists?

In a way…yes.

A metaphor to assist those who truly still have NOT come to their awakening. A vampire cannot understand love in the normal sense.

A vampire probably has one thing and one thing only in mind…instinctual drive…ie..like a wild animal…

To find food supply…to fill up his empty blood supply line with unsuspecting victim blood.

If the victim is willing…as long as they are willing…the vampire will continue to drain their victim of supply.

When this happens it is insideous…to the victim. They (narcissist) hide in the shadows (with mask off) decieve their victim into allowing them (to gain supply from them) future faking, lying…

Then they use all the abuse tactics…to traumatize victim. This paralyzes the victim into a state of… Confusion and chaos…

The victim is still trying to find the human side of the (vampire) (narcissist). Where is he?

The victim cannot see through all the poisonous fog to run.

It isn't until they DO get away that they start to have their awakening. Or possibly an awakening to red flags because their vampire mask slips at times…

If the vampire wins out in the end…the victim also becomes a vampire.

Yikes! Better to run now while you can.
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They most definitely are! They will seek to control you, whilst manipulating you at the same time. Their whole being thrives on your reactions to what they say and do. They can make you believe that yellow is green, and vice versa, and turn your whole world upside down.

You begin to question everything about yourself and can even convince you that you’re the one going mad. It’s power to them and they love it. Eventually there will be nothing left of you. You can feel emotionally and mentally drained and feel so bewildered by it all.
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I believe it's spot on even the fact that they can look at a mirror and not see themselves they never will they see somebody totally different than we see basically they see nothing because that's what they are and they never will be anything that's the horrible psychology that they must deal with but never understand fully they don't have the ability.
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All the good in you- is their fuel. You think you're going to be ‘the one' who can withstand their abuse until it no longer exists, or love them through it, but you'll wear yourself out into energy overdraft.

When it's all said and done, you'll be a shell of who you were.

The only differences between a vampire and a narc is that the narc feeds all day and doesn't appear threatening until it's too late.

https://www.quora.com/Are-vampires-a-metaphor-for-narcissists

[tellomon]

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[tellomon]

Should we cry for the person who hurts us?

In fact, people like to hurt us more and more as often as possible than helping. It's their self centered nature. We can't do anything about it.

Do you know why?

It's a human tendency to see the person lying flat, never to rise up in life. What do we call such a person? Call them by their name. That's understood.

You'll find such minded people everywhere. Home, work, life, YouTube......
It's a competitive world.
Be the Hunter and not the Hunted.

F*CK those guys.

[tellomon]

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[tellomon]

How do you make a narcissist feel guilty for hurting you?

They are emotional vampires. They live to hurt you they love to do it again and again. Most narcissists don't feel guilty. The ones that do it takes a lot of explaining. And you have the right to not explain to a narcissist. They can fake regret. They pretend they're sorry.
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If you want to make a narcissist feel guilty for hurting you, it's important to recognize that traditional methods of appealing to their empathy won't work, as narcissists typically lack the ability to empathize. They aren't moved by emotional appeals or guilt trips the way others might be.

Instead, you can attempt to educate them on how their behavior has impacted you and others. By helping them see how their narcissistic traits play out in real-life situations, you can show them how this type of behavior can damage relationships over time. Provide specific examples of when their actions have had especially negative consequences, and use clear, factual communication to help them identify why their behavior was harmful.

Setting boundaries is another crucial step. Clearly outline what is and isn't acceptable in your relationship moving forward. If you're unsure how to navigate this, there are many resources available books and articles that offer insight into narcissistic behavior from both clinical and personal perspectives.

But here’s the twist: to truly unsettle a narcissist, focus on your self-improvement. Narcissists care deeply about superiority—they need to feel like they're associated with superior people, even as they attempt to sabotage them to maintain their own sense of dominance.

By improving every aspect of your life your appearance, health, home, and overall well-being you indirectly make them aware of their own shortcomings. This can trigger a deep sense of shame within them, not for the harm they've caused you, but for failing to destroy or surpass you.

While narcissists may not feel guilt in the way most people do, they do experience a kind of self-directed guilt when they perceive themselves as falling short of their own selfish, mercenary standards. Your success and resilience can cause them to be mortified by their own failures, leading them to experience a twisted form of guilt not for hurting you, but for not being able to maintain their facade of superiority.
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First of all, the narcissist does NOT give 2 flicks about what they’ve done to you. What you feel is irrelevant. In the narcissists’ eyes, you totally DESERVED it! What’s important is they feel good and the shame monster is kept in check.

Second, once the narcissist starts to feel shame (NOT GUILT), they will crank up their rage and accuse you of any or all wrong doing, even whipping up BS out of thin air just to feel better.

Do your feelings ever matter? NO!!! Your feelings has never mattered and never will. Give it another day, month, year or decade, it will not matter.

Do yourself a favor and stop expecting that anything you do to the narcissist will result in positive change to your relationship, not today, not tomorrow not in a decade. Leave and go NO CONTACT if you can. Your LOVE CANNOT SAVE THEM. Show love instead to yourself. It is kind, not selfish.
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The narc knows that he is hurting you. He does that on purpose. He hurts you to make you feel inferior and to control and manipulate you. He knows what he’s doing to you and chooses to do it. He doesn’t care that he hurts you. He only cares when he no longer gets the right reaction out of you. He wants you broken, crying, weak and vulnerable. He doesn’t want you strong and confident.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-make-a-narcissist-feel-guilty-for-hurting-you

[tellomon]

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[tellomon]

What talents do narcissists get jealous of?

Everything. They are jealous of every little thing about anyone.

People say they really aren’t insecure, but I think they are. They feel inadequate. Or else they feel angry that everyone had it “so easy.”

For example, if they grew up with a single mother, dirt poor and on welfare, they might hold a grudge against anyone who came from a higher-class.

I once knew a really nasty psychopath who called me a word I don’t even remember anymore because it’s so archaic. It’s the word “Yuppie.”

It’s a word to denote someone from a comfortable middle to upper-middle class. He absolutely resented me for it, while pretending at first to like me.

That was so far from the truth! I was never a yuppie at all, and yet he projected all of his hatred on me.

He reminded me very much of the next one I would run into. They both looked similar. It is incredibly eerie. They both had that same attitude too, and seemed to hate anyone who had both parents and were middle class or wealthy.
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Literally anything. Having something they want. Being more accomplished than them. Being a more empathetic human being than they are. They can’t stand any of it. Narcissists have to pretend they are somebody that they aren’t just to get people to like them. Whereas, a kind and caring person can just do it naturally. Narcissists feel completely entitled to all the money, fame and glory that one can aspire for. But are not willing to put in the work most of the time that others are.

Most narcissists are aware of their flawed thinking. They know their behaviors and demeanor are, quite frankly, just not that appealing to others. That they are lacking in empathy. That they are extremely entitled and have double standards. That their feelings of grandiosity just aren’t entirely merit. Some of them struggle with this while others probably double down on it.

Narcissists are empty, hollow shells. They don’t really have any core self. They aspire to be like the people they admire but they can never really live up to those aspirations and I’m sure on some level it eats away at them.

They’d never admit any of this though. Who would?

https://www.quora.com/What-talents-do-narcissists-get-jealous-of

[tellomon]

How do narcissists talk?

They brag a lot: They love to boast about their achievements, talents, or possessions.

They constantly talk about how great they are and seek admiration from others.

They dominate conversations: Narcissists tend to dominate conversations and steer the focus back to themselves.

They interrupt others or redirect discussions to ensure they remain at the center of attention.

They fish for compliments: They use subtle or direct tactics to get compliments, fishing for reassurance about their appearance, accomplishments, or abilities.

They exaggerate or lie: They stretch the truth or outright lie to make themselves look better or more important.

They manipulate facts and events to fit their desired image and gain admiration from others.

They belittle others: They put others down or make condescending remarks to boost their own ego. They use insults or sarcasm to undermine and devalue those around them.

They use charm and flattery: Narcissists can be charming and charismatic, especially when they want something from someone. They use flattery and compliments to manipulate or gain favor.

They play mind games: They are skilled at manipulating others through mind games and emotional manipulation. They use subtle tactics to confuse or control those around them.

They got a big f*ckin' mouth that will not stop. It's worse than Covid. That came and went. A narc's BIG F*CKING MOUTH IS FOREVER.
_____________________________

Narcissists tend to have distinct ways of communicating and speaking that set them apart from others. Here are some examples:

Narcissists often speak in an exaggerated, grandiose manner. They like to make themselves sound much more important, successful, or special than they really are. They brag about their achievements, possessions, or status, even if those things aren't that impressive. Narcissists want to make sure everyone knows how amazing they are.

In conversations, narcissists tend to dominate and talk mainly about themselves. They rarely ask questions or show genuine interest in what others have to say. The conversation is all about them and their perspective. Narcissists love to hear themselves talk and will interrupt or talk over others if they feel their spotlight is being taken away.

Narcissists also have a habit of being dismissive or critical of other people's thoughts and opinions.

If someone disagrees with them or offers a different viewpoint, they are quick to belittle, ridicule, or invalidate it. They believe their way of thinking is superior and won't tolerate any challenges to their ego.

They often use manipulative language tactics. They make statements that sound like compliments but are actually designed to put the other person down. Or they make vague, empty promises just to get what they want in the moment. Narcissists are masters of using words to control and exploit others.

The way a narcissist communicates reflects their deep need to feel superior, admired, and in charge at all times. Their speech is often self-centered, critical, and manipulative - all in service of feeding their inflated sense of self.
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Brief, abrupt, and obstinately foolish. I endeavor to avoid engaging with narcissists. Their conversations are repetitive and tiresome. I impose a strict time limit when interacting with certain family members, declaring upfront,

"I have only one hour to be on this call." Naturally, they attempt to extend the conversation beyond the allotted time, but I simply terminate the call. On occasion, I falter and inadvertently answer their calls.

Yet, if it weren’t for these rare lapses, I wouldn’t entertain or engage with these spiteful narcissists. There are two such individuals within my family whose company I find particularly distasteful and draining. In my view, interacting with them is an exhausting and uncomfortable experience.

https://anarcissism.quora.com/How-do-narcissists-talk

[tellomon]

What happens when narcissists do not
get their way?

You want the real, raw answer?

Chaos ensues. Narcissists are walking ticking time bombs, they're explosive when their deluded reality gets shattered. You ever seen a spoiled brat denied his candy? Multiply that by a thousand.

First things first, narcissists thrive on control. They live by manipulating everyone around them, feeding off the power trip of having things their way. Take that control away and BOOM, they're like cornered predators. They lash out, their facade crumbles, and the true madness begins.

Now let’s talk reaction. They go through stages: denial, rage, manipulation, and then the victim card. First, they won’t even believe it’s happening. Their hubris blinds them. They’ll deny reality, twist and turn everything until it fits their twisted narrative. “This can’t be happening to ME. I’m PERFECT.”

When that fails, RAGE kicks in. Explosive, uncontrollable rage. They lash out at anyone and everyone. They’ll scream, shout, make threats, throw tantrums like you've never seen. Hell hath no fury like a narcissist deprived of their way. Their ego can't take the hit.

Next, they go into overdrive mode on manipulation. These master manipulators will pull every trick in the book. Lies, gaslighting, deceit. They'll turn everyone against you, pit people, and wage psychological warfare to claw back their power. They’re like conniving snakes, slithering and twisting reality.

And here’s the climax – when all else fails – they play the ultimate card: The Victim.

Suddenly, the big bad narcissist is now the poor, misunderstood, and unfairly treated soul. Crocodile tears, sob stories, making you out as the villain. Classic charm offensive to regain sympathy and control. They’re shameless.

Listen, dealing with a narcissist is dealing with a relentless storm, a whirlwind of chaos. When they don’t get their way, you see their true nature. Destruction, madness, manipulation. They play the victim to weasel their way back. But make no mistake – it's all calculated, all a ploy.

So let it be a warning: When narcissists don’t get their way, they become destructive forces. Stand firm, stay sharp, and never feed their ego. Handle their tantrum for what it is – the flailing of a powerless tyrant. And remember, your strength lies in NOT giving them the control they crave. Make your stand. Boom. F*ck 'em.
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Narcissistic people, when they not get what they want, often throw tantrums, kind of like kids. But not the typical child tantrum where they kick and scream. Grown-up narcissists do it differently; it's like an adult version of a tantrum.

Instead of throwing themselves on the ground, they might give you the silent treatment or completely ignore you. They get really mad, and to deal with it, some might scream or even get physical if they're bigger and stronger. It's because you didn't give them what they wanted, and it hurt their feelings.

They might pretend they're not hurt, but deep down, they are. And to get back at you, they'll try to hurt you too. It's like a revenge thing. That's why it's crucial to understand that narcissists can't handle being told "no" because many of them never had limits set for them.

So, if you stand up to a spoiled narcissistic person and tell them "no," brace yourself for a difficult and toxic experience. They're about to take you on a rough ride. Wear a crash helmet.
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Narcissists love to get their own way, at all times.

When a neurotypical adult does not get their way, they adapt. They may feel a bit bruised or disappointed but they brush themselves off and live to go on another day.

Healthy parenting requires modeling this type of acceptance and adaptability to young children as they will certainly encounter situations where things do not go to their liking.

Not the Narcissist! No, behind that mask of perfection, Narcissists are extremely thin-skinned. They view anything other than getting their way as an all-out affront. They feel exposed, fragile, rejected, and betrayed.

A Narcissist will seethe with anger. Often, even the slightest hint that they are not getting what they want will trigger a violent rage. This may turn physical.

Another tactic is revenge by smearing or other cowardly, covert actions. A Narcissist might sabotage someone, or harm physical property. They might engineer a mishap at work, such as a project file going missing. Be very wary when a Narcissist behaves coolly as they are plotting their revenge.

As Narcissists do not respect boundaries, they will go all out to “persuade” you to give them what they want. They will manipulate, gaslight, guilt trip, offer you attention, gifts, or sex, anything to make you let them have their way. Once they get it, they despise you for being weak.

The expression “my way or the highway” was made by a Narcissist. It’s the only way they know!
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Expect to see manipulation.

The narcissist doesn’t view anyone as a person, rather an object to their means. If a narcissist isn’t getting their own way I would fully expect to see the silent treatment very soon if you’re not already getting it.

The silent treatment is a form of abuse and is very damaging. They will completely ignore your existence, to you this may appear like the final discard, however it never is. The silent treatment is used as a form of control.

When they ghost you or just act like you never existed they know what that is doing to you. They know the thoughts you will have and expect you to panic and blow up their phone with texts or calls, all will be ignored.

By simply contacting them this is a reaction and it is the response they look for to get fuel. When the silent treatment happens you must not respond in any way at all, not even to tell them that you won’t tolerate it, this is now a game of the narcissist.

It’s done to break your will and make you fold so you conform to them. When you don’t react to the silent treatment they will complexly change tack and hoover. Throwing little crumbs your way to try to get you to respond and get you back on the hook. I must stress this again, the silent treatment is a form of abuse.

if you respond to the Hoover then you are willingly handing your power to the narcissist and they will begin the push pull dynamic of pulling you in, then pushing you away, that’s the cycle and it will always be that way until you choose to be a survivor rather than a victim. I know this is hard, I’ve been there and endured a smear campaign that was so brutal it left me broken for a long time.

Please I urge you when the silent treatment comes don’t respond or react, you must go grey rock, you can not show this person a weakness in your armour or they will zone in on it and use it to destroy you.

Stand your ground, don’t tolerate abuse, physical or mental. You put a nail in a hole you make that mark, you take the nail out that impression is still there, that can’t be subtracted from the record. A sorry won’t suffice, they know exactly what they’re doing and it’s all designed to break your will.

Draw your line, set your boundaries and stick to it my friend. I wish you peace and happiness, remember, the second you walk away you become a survivor and regain power, that’s how you truly defeat a narcissist.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-when-narcissists-do-not-get-their-way

[tellomon]

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[tellomon]

Is 20 too old to go trick or treating?

I love Halloween. I mean, I really, really love it.

But going out trick-or-treating after you’re older than, say, 14, is seriously creepy. It reeks of narcissism and entitlement. (“But my Mom still thinks I look cute dressed up like Jason….”)

If you’re like me, you find other outlets for your Samhainmania (I didn’t make that word up). You can do one of four things:

#1. Do up your front lawn or house in a good scary way, and dress like a zombie or witch or Lurch or whatever and hand out candy.

#2. If you’re really into the trick-or-treating aspect (seeing people’s great houses, etc.), then take a kid. (Make sure you actually know the kid.) You can dress up, too, but do NOT ask for candy (see above under “seriously creepy”).

#3. Throw or attend Halloween parties.

#4. Work in one of those “Frightmare” Haunted Houses for charity.

Your life isn’t over once you’re done trick-or-treating. Your tastes just need to be refined.
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No, as long as you act cute and little and have a cute costume, go right ahead. It will be fun and your neighbors will find it hilarious and fun. I would consider you cool for still wanting to do this.

To all those people who think that 12 is too old to trick or treat, you’re insane. Because teens are still children and can do the fun things that other children get to do. You are not an adult until you turn 18 and even then, if you’re still a kid at heart and feel like dressing up, eating candy, showing off your costume, and having fun, that should be allowed. I just don’t get all of the hate that people have for people who want to have fun.

So go, enjoy your night. Just don’t do anything stupid or immature like trying to scare the neighbors. That’s the only reason a person should be “banned from trick or treating.”

Honestly this whole “12 is too old to trick or treat” thing has me pissed and I’m about tired of it. I am in no way at all mad at the person who asked this question. I’m glad you want to go trick or treating still. It shows that you are strong in who you are and insecure about little. I like that.

Anyway, I am simply venting right now because so many people are closed minded and stupid and just absolutely immature about the “teens can’t trick or treat” thing. If a teen or young adult wants to trick or treat, let them have fun for crying out loud! You incompetent @sshole with no sense of enjoyment.

https://www.quora.com/Is-20-too-old-to-go-trick-or-treating

[tellomon]

"I got one. Ruffly 1988, I was living in Topanga Canyon. October 31st. I made my way back to my El Monte Culley Homestead where my brother took it over with his ol' lady and their hot and cold running rug rats. I went Trickin' with them. The same route that me and bro did in the 1960's.

Here's the scary part: The same people in the same houses with the same landscape, and their same cars and the same dogs were still there.

In 20 years, nothing changed, except the daughters who were then my age, and you can guess where they went. Onward. Not my way-ward.

Retro does not quite say it. It was a Rod Serling night. True story, so suck it like a lolly pop ".

[tellomon]

The longer you go without the narcissist, the less you want to have anything to do with them. Then one day you wake up and realise that you never want to have anything to do with this person again and it's done forever.
When a Narcissist Realizes You are NO Longer Interested

@ronaldculley
0 seconds ago
So much WOW! Have you been reading my blogs?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goNJKywAxYc

[tellomon]

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[tellomon]

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[tellomon]

How do you cope with someone who is not consistently narcissistic?
You run away. Period.
5 Signs You Have Fooled & Defeated the Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naTCzXwbpyU

[tellomon]

They are jealous of your humanity and very existence.
3 Crimes a Narcissist Commits out of their Jealousy for You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tl0EFGtOw8

[tellomon]

Satan's butthole on a weather forecast and other indiscretions in our country today.

Kamala makes DESPERATE mistake Hurricane Helene

@ronaldculley
0 seconds ago
I am an American Patriot. Criminalize me. Bring it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbsRtVLqDww

[tellomon]

Why would a narcissist say, "You're getting to see the best version of me right now"?

When a narcissist says, “You’re getting to see the best version of me right now,” it can carry several underlying meanings, each reflecting typical narcissistic patterns of thinking and behavior. Here are some possible reasons why they might say this:

1. Self-Aggrandizement and Image Management

Narcissists are deeply invested in managing how others perceive them. By stating that you’re seeing their “best version,” they are reinforcing their self-image as someone who is superior or exceptional. It’s a way of reminding you (and themselves) of their perceived greatness and how lucky you are to witness it.

2. Control and Manipulation

This statement could be a subtle manipulation tactic. By suggesting that you’re seeing the “best version,” they may be implying that there are less desirable sides of them that they could reveal if you don’t continue to behave in a way that pleases them. This can create pressure on you to maintain their approval or favor.

3. Love-Bombing or Idealization Stage

In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists often engage in love-bombing, where they shower the other person with excessive affection, attention, and praise to hook them emotionally. This statement could be part of that idealization phase, where they’re presenting themselves as perfect and desirable. They want you to believe that this is their true self, making it harder for you to leave if their behavior turns negative later on.

4. Masking Their True Self

Narcissists often wear a “mask” to hide their deeper insecurities and flaws. By highlighting that you’re seeing their best version, they may be subtly acknowledging that they are actively working to present an idealized version of themselves, one that is not necessarily authentic. It hints at the idea that their true self may be far less appealing or more problematic.

5. Expectation of Admiration and Praise

Narcissists crave admiration and validation. By declaring that you’re seeing the best of them, they may be fishing for compliments or praise. They expect you to acknowledge and appreciate their greatness, reinforcing their need for external validation.

6. Testing Your Reaction

A narcissist may say this to gauge how you respond. If you agree or validate them, it feeds their ego and reinforces their belief that they are exceptional. If you don’t react the way they expect, they may become upset or see it as a challenge to their perceived superiority, potentially leading to narcissistic rage or passive-aggressive behavior.

7. Implied Warning

There can also be an underlying warning in this statement, implying that things could get worse. They may be hinting that they are on their “best behavior” now, and if things don’t go their way, you might see a less desirable version of them. This creates a subtle form of emotional control, suggesting that if you don’t maintain the current dynamic, they could shift to a more negative or harmful version of themselves.

8. Reinforcing the Power Dynamic

By framing the current moment as the “best version” of themselves, the narcissist reinforces the idea that they control the dynamic and that their behavior is something special or rare. It’s a way of subtly reminding you that they are in charge of how they present themselves and when they choose to show their “best.”

Conclusion:

The statement “You’re getting to see the best version of me right now” is likely meant to serve multiple purposes: boosting the narcissist’s ego, managing their image, and subtly controlling the dynamic between you. It reflects the narcissist’s constant need for validation, manipulation of others’ perceptions, and desire to maintain power in the relationship.
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It's a thinly veiled threat that implies “i could be so much worse.” This is nothing more than an excuse for bad behavior.

To me, this is almost the same as saying, “I'm so much better than I used to be. You should have seen me then.”

If you have to point out your vast personality improvements to people who didn't know you then, chances are nothing has changed.
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It means, oh hell!! This is the mask they want you to see, the facade and when it crumbles, and it will, you will see the real person. You will be confronted with a vile, manipulative, cheating loser who will always, always blame you for all of their problems. My suggestion is run away as fast as possible.
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In some contexts a narcissist saying “I’m only like this with you” is supposed to make you feel flattered and ‘special’ by implying that they are not ‘like this’ with anybody except you. Often, a more accurate statement would be “I’m only like this with you because you are the ONLY person WITH ME at the moment.” During or after a jealous rage, attempts to isolate you from others, dominate your time, or control your interactions is when you’ll hear “I’m only like this with you”.

Whether the statement is “I’m only like this with you” or “I only act this way with you” makes YOU ‘responsible’ for what he/she is ‘being like’ at the moment or how he/she is ‘acting’ at the moment, good or bad.

A little research and you will usually find they HAVE been and/or ARE being “like this” with a number of other people and a number of other people have seen him/her ‘act this way’ before. A pattern of never being responsible for how they are ‘being’ or how they are ‘acting’ at any given moment. They are justified, you are responsible.

https://www.quora.com/Why-would-a-narcissist-say-Youre-getting-to-see-the-best-version-of-me-right-now

[tellomon]

What do narcissists get from using people?

The main reason a narcissist goes after someone is to use them as a tool. They’re not just looking for attention because they can get that from their friends. What they really want is someone to help them get through life.

When a narcissist becomes your “partner” (I’m being sarcastic here), you end up helping them pay their bills. As the relationship goes on, they’ll ask you to sign for loans and other important papers to buy cars, houses, and other things.

But first, they’ll shower you with love and make big promises about the future. They might ask to move in with you or even get married. They’ll act like ideas for a new car or home are coming from you, but really, it’s all for them.

Another reason they use people is for social status. Having a partner makes them look more normal, like they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a spouse. Many narcissists become parents, and some have children outside of their marriage, though I don’t like the term “illegitimate” because the kids didn’t choose to be born.
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The number one reason a narcissist chases anyone is simply to subdue and utilize them as a tool. It isn't necessarily attention, because they can get that from their "friends." They are looking for someone to help them survive in this world.

When a narcissist becomes your "significant other" (note my tone of sarcasm here), you serve as someone to help them pay their bills. As things progress, they will ask you to cosign with them for loans and other legal paperwork to obtain automobiles, homes, and other property.

But they lovebomb you first and futurefake. They will ask you to move in with you or marry. They will make it appear as if the idea for a new car or home came from you, as if it's also for you. But it's actually meant for them.

The secondary supply a narcissist obtains through using someone is the social standing. They have a "front" now and can appear like a normal person with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a spouse. Too many of them become parents and a great many will have illegitimate children while married, although I do dislike that term because the children did not ask to be born.

The tertiary supply is the attention. You make the narcissist "feel alive" with your presence at first, and they feed off of your energy. As time progresses, they show you who they actually are, and begin to spit venom at you quite frequently, until it all escalates into major blowouts from time to time. You begin to wonder "who is this person I married?" This is when you realise you were majorly defrauded and had been used the ENTIRE TIME.
_______________________________

Narcissists often exploit relationships and interactions for several reasons, primarily centered around their need for self-enhancement and validation. Here are some key motivations behind their behavior:

Validation and Admiration: Narcissists seek constant affirmation and admiration from others to bolster their self-esteem. By using people, they can receive the praise and attention they crave.

Control and Power: They may derive a sense of power and control over others, which reinforces their self-image as superior. Manipulating or using people allows them to maintain dominance in relationships.

Emotional Supply: Narcissists often view people as sources of emotional energy or “supply.” They may draw on others’ emotions—whether admiration, love, or even anger—to sustain their own sense of worth.

Avoidance of Vulnerability: By keeping relationships superficial or transactional, narcissists can avoid genuine intimacy and vulnerability, which they may find threatening.

Exploitation for Personal Gain: They may use others to achieve personal goals, whether for social status, financial gain, or other advantages, viewing relationships primarily in terms of utility.

Narcissistic Rage: When they feel threatened or criticized, narcissists may retaliate against those they perceive as undermining them, using emotional manipulation or aggression to regain a sense of control.

In summary, narcissists often use people to fulfill their emotional needs, assert control, and achieve personal goals, while maintaining a facade of superiority and invulnerability.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-narcissists-get-from-using-people

[tellomon]

What makes covert narcissists so dangerous?

All narcissists are dangerous, but covert narcissists invert our ideas of compassion, altruism, trust, kindness, and meekness.

We come into this world automatically believing that compassion cannot be bad, nor can someone who appears to be nice bad, and we automatically believe that meek people are just meek without any duplicity in them.

We do not come equipped to second guess appearances. So we never suspect anything hiding behind that semblance of compassion or altruism, that semblance of kindness, nor do we suspect any hidden drive to subvert or control behind that show of meekness.

But covert narcissists are not compassionate, altruistic, trustworthy, kind, nor meek. They are the opposite. But you do not see that.

And when something is the opposite of what it appears to be, it is treacherous.

So covert narcissists are the very epitome of treachery. And treachery is the very epitome of dangerous. What you do not see will injure you the most, because you cannot avoid it, nor prepare for it.

You expect malice and injury from an enemy, but you do not naturally expect it from a friend or parent. You cannot expect it from them. It is unnatural and unhealthy to expect malice and injury from loved ones.

So with these loved ones, you drop your shield and show them your back, and if there happen to be any covert narcissists hidden amongst them, they will get treacherous access to your naked back.

Doing the things a healthy, well adjusted, trusting, loving person does with a covert narcissist is the worst thing anyone can possibly do. But you cannot know that.

The covert narcissist is Judas hiding amongst people you trust, they can accomplish what an entire army cannot, because they use the back door.

Betrayal is possibly the worst thing any human can do to another. And covert narcissists are the specialists in the art of betrayal. You might have first learnt the taste of betrayal from a covert narcissist.

But only someone you trust can betray you. The other kinds of narcissists, especially the overt and malignant, stand out too much, they are too obviously abnormal. It is easy to spot them, and they are either immediately irritating or quickly turn scary. Only the naive will trust them.

But covert narcissists will fool even seasoned narcissist spotters. Of all the types, covert narcissists require the most scrutiny for me to identify. This means that they are in possession of my token trust for the longest time of any type of narcissist.

After you’ve suffered your major experience of betrayal from your covert narcissist, you will find that you cannot naively believe anymore in any compassion, altruism, kindness and meekness that you see in people. You start second guessing every good thing you see, from anyone, even innocent genuine people. The covert narcissist has destroyed your token belief in goodness.

And what kind of world would it be if everyone cannot trust the kindness they see?

And people think you are crazy if you dare express any second guessing of someone’s apparent niceness, compassion or altruism.
____________________________

Absolutely yes. Covert narcissists are extremely difficult to spot. They appear to be loving, caring, and kind. They can easily win the trust and confidence of people around them, including yourself.

Covert narcissist victim's mentality in every situation gives them the benefit of doubt. They exactly know how to play victim card.

Covert narcissists are very cunning in spoiling your reputation; they will spoil your reputation by showing care and concern without using abusive words. People will believe that covert narcissists are very bothered about their partner.

Covert narcissists are very passive and aggressive in nature; you won't even realize for ages that you are being abused.

Covert narcissists are very good at covering up their cheating habits; it's very difficult to catch them cheating.

It's very hard to collect evidence and proof against covert narcissists because they know how to hide abusive behavior.

Covert narcissists will be sitting in front of you, talking nicely; they will be plotting something horrible about you with a cool and calm mind.

Covert narcissists are vindictive in nature; they will keep punishing for things that have offended them.

Covert narcissists will drain your energy completely by acting like victims. They keep feeding on your empathy and sympathy.

It's very hard to leave Covert narcissists because you feel guilty for leaving them, and they make you addicted to them.

Covert narcissists are wolves in sheep's clothes.

https://www.quora.com/What-makes-covert-narcissists-so-dangerous

[tellomon]

What does a narcissist "discard" look like?

It depends on the narcissist, but it usually involves:

Degrading you, and picking fights.

DARVO - Defend, accuse, reverse victim and offender. Basically, this is gaslighting. Where someone says, “I wouldn’t have done that awful thing to you if you hadn’t had made me do it…in fact, you’re ALWAYS doing that kind of thing to me. What’s wrong with you? You need to go get some help.”

Picking at your insecurities, and causing you to feel as if nothing you ever do is good enough, but if you only tried more, then maybe they’d be happy.

Then later, outright threatening to leave. They never actually leave. They always come back, as long as you let them. This is why a lot of relationships with narcissists end up with restraining orders
.
The discard can start at any time, and to those of us suffering from it, it looks like it’s coming out of nowhere. But to the narcissist, it’s like they’ve been living a secret double-life. They planned something based on an opportunity they saw, or an opportunity to be with someone else that presented itself.

Moving on can be scary, though, and it takes courage, and narcissists are absolute cowards in all things (including in self-reflection and in taking responsibility for their actions. Total cowards).

It might feel like suddenly your partner is never satisfied with you. They’re not supportive, they’re demanding. If you ask for something, they counter with something along the lines of, “Well, what about me?!”

In my case, the discard happened in waves, over about 3 years. My then-husband and I would have a series of a few good weeks (usually just weeks) and then BAM, he’d be grouchy and depressed and fighting with me about something again.

For most of our relationship we were “doing battle” with his first wife over money and their kids (the kids who lived with us, and his first wife is actually looney and delusional and unstable. I saw that first-hand for years and watched them squabble, disgustingly, for a very long time while I was made the primary caregiver to the kids…).

There was always something to be stressed over. There was always an excuse. Plus, my WasBand got a bipolar 2 diagnosis after our daughter was born. So there were always cycles to deal with, and some situation with the kids (usually major drama involving my stepdaughter). Until…one day….there wasn’t anything to worry about anymore. Things were stable.

Things seemed good. But my WasBand was still ornery and critical and unhelpful and refusing mental health treatment and not taking care of his bipolar. And when I tried to bring it up, I was told I was the crazy one, and that I was overbearing and entitled. Needless to say, that was hugely confusing.

I found out much later that he’d been cheating. The times when he was worst to me, those were the times when he had someone else making him feel like the hero he was in his own mind, and because I didn’t see that I was villified. Toward the end of our relationship, it turned out he had taken his levels of cheating up a notch, and when he got dumped by one of his girlfriends, he had a meltdown and presented it as just severe depression caused by ??, which finally resulted in his getting into an outpatient treatment program for alcohol abuse and depression.

That worked for a few weeks until he started drinking again. And…turned out, he started drinking again and treating me badly (insulting me in front of the kids, being generally unhelpful around the house, being abusive and shouting at me constantly while threatening to cut off my access to my car and my cell phone), right around the time he took up with his current girlfriend (who had just gotten a divorce).

So to make a long story end…narcissistic discard often feels, to the victim, as if it comes out of nowhere, and it works best on people who have poor boundaries and who are under the spell of a narcissist, but ironically it’s the discard that helps a victim see the light.

It’s a cycle of promises and insults and demands that the narcissist uses in hopes that their victim will stay engaged and just try harder to be better. But what the cycle really does to people who figure out their boundaries and worth, is make them want to leave and never look back.
______________________________

It looks like a stealth attack that takes you by surprise. This is because narcissists teeter on the edge of deciding whether to dump you and move on to your replacement or stay put.

That means they've been breadcrumbing you into thinking they really care while making up their filthy little minds. So you're feeling all warm and fuzzy when they suddenly lower the boom and tell you what a piece of sh!t you are, they never loved you and they're blocking you everywhere. Oh yeah, and they like to tell you they've found somebody new and they're much better in bed than you.

You're left in pain, wondering what the hell just happened while they move happily on. That's what a narcissist's discard looks like.
___________________________

Like looking a monster in the eye. You will be loved and just like that, they literally hate you.

Personally, it was the coldest thing that I've experienced from someone. Everything that you say and do, every bit of sense that you try talking into them will be met with gaslighting and then the dreaded stonewalling. Stonewalling is literally considered to be mental torture.

It has been 5 years and when I still go back to that place, I feel the panic try to rise up again.

It's the cruelest and nastiest thing that one can experience. You see the monster right in front of you, while the rest of the world will see a kind individual in them.

They will walk away from you, like you never existed at all. They will then post things to social media like their life is so good, while you sit there falling apart and in tears.

They will accuse you of being Everything that they are. Welcome to the world of projection. They will now proceed to tell the world that you are a bad person that lied to them. Again, everything that they did to you will be told as if you did it.

If they cheated on you, they will now claim that you are the cheater. If they lied about everything, they now tell everyone that you are a liar.

The worst is that they will torture you mentally all the while spreading lies and smearing you.

It's truly cruelty at it's finest.

https://www.quora.com/What-does-a-narcissist-discard-look-like?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists discard their partners?

We ask ourselves this question over and over—its so difficult to wrap our heads around because we were in love with, or loved and cared for, the narcissist. We forget the basic premise of the narcissist’s being: they didn’t love us the way we loved them.

They aren’t discarding a “partner” in the same way we think of this treasured and adored person in our lives. We were simply a means to an end. We were not “partners” to them but rather tools in a greater scheme. Discarding us is easy. It’s essential to their entire existence really—as part of a cyclical process they use to get what they need and want.

They have developed a repulsive skill set they perceive to be superior to our own. They do not have a moral compass but they count on our morality, our integrity, and our humanity to make their lives actually work. You are only a “partner” that served a specific, temporary purpose. And if you cracked their code before that purpose was fulfilled, they’ve discarded you out of sheer self-preservation.

You won.

In this vein, channel your empathy to understand the narcissist and “why” it chose to “discard” you—and perhaps “when” it became necessary. It’s completely ironic and sounds impossible, but if anyone can do it, you can.

Empathize with the narcissist and it’s methods. Understand how the foundation, the walls, the roof, and the garden were all fiction—masking it’s shameful secret—whatever that may be. At some point, the tall tale will cease to exist, ironically, as it can not hold up to the principles of morality, integrity, and humanity.

The narcissist must avoid their own ruin at all costs, which includes foregoing some of the benefits realized from you, even if you were willing to continue. The reality they’ve created for you is on a time clock and they would never trust or believe another human being capable of allowing their existence forever and they see us as weak-minded and unevolved.

To them, it is only a matter of time before you will discover a truth or the whole truth, especially as you narrow in on it and get closer and closer to uncovering what they have built.

Like a dirty restaurant about to get a health inspection, they close up shop and disappear. You suspect why they have done this but it’s that whimsical narcissistic escape from facing accountability and from facing your knowing the truth that provides just a teeny tiny bit of doubt: you know the one little doubt your heart likes to pump up as having more influence than it should when compared to all your other experiences and observations.

If they don’t shut down the operation before you get your validation, you become a danger to their being and/or you can never be used again because you will have with utmost certainty—once and for all—this validation you were right all along and their brilliant con is over.
________________________________

Buckle up and hold onto your seats, ladies & gents. It’s going to be a wild ride!

A narcissist will discard of you in the most callous way imaginable. It will come out of left field and hit you right in the face like a hard rock. You will come out of it confused, bewildered and disoriented not knowing how the person who claimed to love every part about you, now thinks you are absolutely repulsing to them.

You can’t understand how one moment you are spending all this time together, staying in touch frequently, to now getting blocked, shunned, cut off and demeaned. You can’t fathom how cruel they are being to you, when all you did was be a kind-hearted person to them. You go from being the centre of their attention, to them now wanting nothing to do with you.

You will be quickly demoted from their supply chain when they have started to get bored of you; which happens with every single person they entangle into their toxic web. Once they have used up all the good things that you have done for them, then they no longer have any care to keep you around.

You were once their favourite and number one pick, but without a second thought they will kick you straight to the curb with a new person already groomed to take your place. This person is now taking up all their free time, and getting all their undivided attention and love-bombing.

They are saying all the sweet things to them like they used to say to you. While they are making you seem irrelevant by dismissing you out of their lives, they are telling this new person how special they are. They have found someone whom they consider to be “better” than what you have provided them.

Narcissists want variety, and don’t want to settle down or cater to meet the needs of one person for the rest of their lives. The thought of that is insane to them. They love the idea of people being loyal to them, but that will never be reciprocated back.

They want to be able to sleep with whoever they want without question, and expect you to put up with it, or else you will be tossed aside in an instant. They want to be able to flirt with neighbours, strangers, your friends, your family, co-workers or any random person they met online or at a club and they expect you to look the other way & accept it, or else you are crazy, jealous, insecure and controlling.

They want to be able to use their social media platforms as a way to hook up with other people, and could care less about your feelings about it. They want to be able to blow all their money on drinking and doing drugs, partying, the sex industry, gambling or anything other than taking care of responsibilities.

Then they will go and spend all of your hard-earned money too without hesitation. They will expect you to bend over backwards for them, sacrificing your dignity, self-respect and identity, and nothing will ever be enough for them, no matter how hard you try. They used to love hearing from you, and now they find everything that you do or say to be annoying.

They will say that you are smothering them, that you are needy, clingy and controlling. They will do all these things on purpose, and then they will turn around and blame you for it. You will finally get to a point where you confront them because it’s just getting too much and you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells just to make them happy.

They will discard of you when you start to call them out on their erratic, destructive, impulsive, irresponsible and reckless behaviour. In their minds they think “How dare you hold me accountable for deliberately hurting you!! Silly you, off you go.” They don’t want to hear any lip about how much pain, hurt, distress or abuse they have brought to your life.

They don’t want to listen to you telling them how upset you are that you caught them lying, cheating, or that you are bothered they flirt with other people. They don’t want to hear about how they are ignoring all your messages, and have been avoiding you. They want to be free to live their lives doing as they please, and don’t want to be held accountable for any of the ramifications of their actions.

They will also discard of you to elicit control over you. They do this just for the fun of it to see how far they can test you. One second you could be having the best time together, and you’ll wake up to only find that you’ve been blocked, they’ve changed their number, they’ve moved, they’ve quit their jobs and basically dropped off the face of the earth.

This will leave you in a state of panic and make you feel so abandoned because you grew so attached to them. You spend all your time just going crazy and trying to make it through each day when you can barely function. They leave you in unbearable pain while they seamlessly move on with their lives and slither like manipulative snakes onto the next victim without any regard for how they’ve left you to bleed out.

They will discard of you but not before they make you feel completely worthless, heartbroken, alone, and devastated. Before they send you off, their goal is to take more supply from you by watching you fall to your knees in pain not knowing how it all came to this.

They love seeing you sacrificing everything for them, when they fully know they have others waiting in line willing to do the exact same. You don’t understand how all the amazing memories, and good times you shared are now all crumbled to shambles in pieces while they are creating them with someone else.

They discard of you because they don’t care about you. Really, they don’t. This is the most important thing to understand. While you may actually be in love with them, be loyal, be faithful and giving; they don’t think the same way you do. They don’t understand commitment, or what it means to compromise for another person.

They think of themselves in every moment at all costs and won’t let a single person get in the way of that. They could tell you that they want to spend the rest of their lives with you, that they will never leave you, and the second you turn around, they will be with someone else telling them the same things, and have casted you out of their lives faster then you can blink. They want the freedom to do as they please, no questions asked.

They discard of you because it gives them the thrill of knowing they have dominance and power over you. They love watching you beg, plead, cry, and being in distress, losing yourself over them. They are smearing you to their friends, and anyone else who will listen about what a horrible person you are. Meanwhile, they are leaving out all the horrific things they said and did to you.

They will call you a crazy, stalking, annoying, jealous ex that won’t leave them alone when you try to just communicate with them. They do this as a way to triangulate you with their new supply and make them jealous. They want to make it seem like they have people head over heels for them, and that they have unlimited options.

They will discard of you because they don’t attach themselves to people. They will use whoever for whatever benefits them, and once something more enticing comes along, then it’s goodbye for you without a moments notice.

They may cut you off for days, weeks, months or even years and then suddenly reappear if it suits their needs. It doesn’t matter how much time passed, or how much damage they caused, they feel that they can come and go whenever they wish. They ensure that they choose the most empathic people, because we are the most forgiving.

They will know all the right things to say and do to win you over again and it will just be the same repetitive cycle of abuse.

They will discard of you at the worst possible time. You could be going through some really difficult challenges and they will use this opportunity to abandon you. They do this to show you that they refuse to hold your hand through the tough times, and be someone you can depend on.

They will find whatever you are going through to be an inconvenience to them, so they will just drop you for one of their other supplies that isn’t “whining and complaining” and that is available for them at their beck and call. They will discard you during birthdays,holidays or any special occasion.

If you are looking forward to something, they will find a way to ruin it for you and pull the disappearing act by ghosting you, giving you the silent treatment and refusing to engage with you.

They will also discard of you to make sure that you are submissive and complacent for future use. If they cut you off as punishment for standing up for yourself and you came back around begging, then they know they will have you right in the palm of their hands when they decide to worm their way back in, because you so desperately want to work things out with them.

You are willing to forget everything that happened just to get the chance to see them again. You are willing to sacrifice your own boundaries to allow a more open relationship that suits their needs because you don’t want to risk losing them again. You are willing to experiment sexually in ways you never have before just to keep them satisfied. It’s all madness!

They treat you like a slave, and will leave you in an instant no matter how much you loved them, cared for them, or how long you’ve known them. It doesn’t matter if you have been together for decades, months or weeks; they will do what they want, when they want, with who they want, for as long as they live.

They will discard of you mercilessly, and without any remorse. They will do it unexpectedly like they are holding a gun to the back of your head & pull the trigger after they hear your cries. They will come at you full force like a blunt trauma impact and watch you suffer. They will stab you in the back, and twist the knife even further each time you keep letting them come back for more.

Once they discard of you, please take my advice and don’t ever lower yourself to chase after a person who cut you out so ruthlessly. They aren’t worth your time, your tears, your compassion, your effort, or your love. The longer you stay with them, and the longer you wait around for them to decide to want you again, you will lose yourself a little more each time until you no longer even recognize who you are.

That’s not a life worth living for any of us. Every person deserves to be loved back when they give their all. Nobody should have to endure abuse, being cheated on and repeatedly disrespected just for one person. We wouldn’t want our friends or family to go through that, so why would we want that for ourselves?

Don’t ever think that you aren’t good enough, or that you won’t ever find someone else, or that you won’t be happy. Anything is better (even being alone) than being constantly hurt, used, walked on, degraded, betrayed and tossed away like garbage.

“The people that are quick to walk away, are the ones who never intended to stay.”

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-discard-their-partners

[tellomon]

Narcissists lack self awareness and overestimate their empathy. They know hitting you is wrong and may even know it hurts , but they aren’t motivated to care and often feel the victim deserves to be abused , devalued and discarded.

They don’t want to hear your anger or complaints about their behaviors so they devalue your character, spread rumors to those who would offer you support, and discard you in the most cruel and calculated ways, making you believe it your fault that the relationship is ending.

Narcissists want to do what they want to do without anyone telling them different. They are childish, scary and think they are superior all at once. If you continue to stay you will be abused more and more with less good moments in between.

Do your best to learn about narcissistic abuse and patterns and get away. Find support and trust you aren’t alone out in the world. Keep Healing regardless of the chaos because you deserve your contentment and peace in life . Stay Strong.

[tellomon]

Codependency originated with alcohol abuse. Most if not all survivors didn’t know that there would be a punishment/reward system in their relationships. That there are people who claim to be concerned about you, or love you, but are gaslighting your reality, shaming you for your vulnerabilities and erasing your personhood.

The trauma bond is like an addiction because we were conditioned to submit in the narcissistic relationship. Our brains were hijacked from the hormonal shifts of dopamine to cortisol back to dopamine /oxytocin and adrenaline.

The constant intermittent reward/punishment negatively impacts our brain . Narcissistic abuse healing requires 18–24 months to have your nervous system calm down, hormones in homeostasis and the shock to wear off of living a lie. Keep healing survivors.

[tellomon]

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