Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

What are some examples of
extreme mood changes in a narcissist?

The ability to be having a nice/normal time and the slightest thing can trigger a rage and complete change in mood and personality. There is a flash in their eyes and then that’s it 💥

Anything can trigger this in my experience depending on the day. A sigh, a look on my face, asking for something, expressing an opinion, making too many cups of tea at his house, honestly anything.

Before I knew about narcissism I used to tell him that it felt like his anger was always just bubbling below the surface. I tried to understand and help him work on that but obviously it was a waste of time. I also wondered about bi polar at times before I knew about narcissism, because of the extreme/rapid mood changes. In the end I think he just fed off the drama and the upset it caused for me, the more I took, the more he gave.

There was no need for any of it ever.

I think one of the hallmarks of narcissism is the disproportionate rage/reactions to things. I said I didn’t have many mushrooms on my pizza and he raged at me for 36 hours for example. A bystander could have been forgiven for thinking I had done something really awful.

I also noticed that if he was seeming particularly thin skinned/unstable, if I massaged his ego by saying nice things and flattering him I could improve his mood. You could literally see the process the more flattering I became, it was like a dark cloud lifting. I guess that was me being manipulative, but basically I was trying to do anything to avoid another onslaught, this was also before I had figured anything out but it was part of the puzzle.

I stopped doing it as things got worse and I became more just like a rabbit in the headlights being careful about everything I said and did, it was the only way to minimise the abusive behaviour. It all seems very clearly NPD now, but when you don’t know anything about narcissism it’s just incredibly confusing, destabilising and upsetting.

The thing that really amazes me is their ability to completely hide/control this side of them around other people. I am certain that his ‘friends’ would not believe any of this stuff. It really is Jekyll and Hyde and associates +++
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I think the mood swings are during the discard.

They are with you but thinking of their other supply. Everything you do bugs the shite out of them. looking back I know when he started seeing someone new. I would close the car door with my hand and he would freak out that I left finger prints on the door. He would chastise me for 30 minutes on how to close the door without touching it.

If he was ready to go he would sit in the car and pout until I was ready. If we were out and I had to go to the bathroom, he would throw a temper tantrum saying I needed to see a Dr. YET he would disappear to the bathroom for 30–40 minutes to take a sh!t wherever we went. I think it was so he had a way to blame me for HIS lying and cheating. It’s the devalue stage and a tell tale sign there’s someone else !!

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-examples-of-extreme-mood-changes-in-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

Why did the narcissist target me and ruin my life?

Here’s a good way to see it…. They picked you, because they saw something they wanted in you. So to win you over, they essentially mimicked and replicated your behavior and your values and responses. They studied you, and attempted to mirror a version of you.

This is the background foundation of trauma bonding. It is a fake sense of spiritual connection that was never actually there to begin with.

So….. to simplify all of this in the most positive way possible…..

EVERYTHING QUALITY IN THEM, THAT YOU WERE ORIGINALLY ATTRACTED TO….. was really just YOU looking in the mirror, and being drawn to another person who you saw similar values to the ones that you value yourself.

So even though it was all fake on their behalf….

What they also did was show you the unique things about you that make you special…. The glow they will never have … the talent they wish they had…. And the standards and morals that create real success in life that they will never be able to apply to their own lives!!!

So even though it hurts to think none of it was real…. Truth is you fell in love with yourself and all the strengths you truly have!!!!

SO GIVE YOURSELF THE CREDIT AND STOP BEATING YOURSELF YOU!!!

They chose you, because they wanted to be you.

Sadly they have the attention span of a small 2 year old child, or crow or raccoon scavenging for food!!!

So don’t feel too bad when they chose a new target and discarded you, if anything that was a blessing….

EDIT**** some of you need to hear this right now !!!!!!!

The fact you are even on Quora….means that your healing has already begun, whether you realize or not.

The one thing that kept me from giving up, was when I discovered I wasn’t alone!!!
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Ok, I’ve been through it myself so I know how you’re feeling. That said, I’m also going to throw in an ounce of tough love.

First they didn’t “target” you per se. They cast a wide net and see who bites. The first couple of months are their (subconscious) tests to see if you have what they’re looking for.

What are they looking for?

someone who gives without expecting in return

Someone who will drop what they’re doing to soothe the narcissist

Someone who probably hasn’t been loved in a while, and melts at the alluring (and luring) words that come out of the narcissists mouth, with an unpredictable (in)frequency

Someone who has a need to heal a wound of feeling loveless in themselves by healing it in others (and likely working out a parental situation from childhood)

Someone who feels flawed, knows that others are flawed, and wants to love and accept the narcissists flaws the way they would want their flaws loved and accepted

Someone who has something of exception that the narcissist envies: kindness, intelligence, success, money, and usually some other concrete skill that the narcissist can exploit

Someone whose boundaries are weak translated in the form of over forgiveness

Someone who will write their own excuses and justifications for the narcissists behavior

Someone with a savior complex who will stop at nothing in their attempt to be the one who loved the narcissist back to life.

Right now this feels like this person ruined your life. I felt the same way.

BUT…one night I was on my terrace feeling sorry for myself and I said out loud (to myself) “You knew. You f+cking knew the whole time that this wasn’t right. And you let it go on anyway.” I know this will sound counterintuitive, but it was the most empowering thing I could do. I actually felt better after that.

Why? Because I did know. And I did let it happen.

I didn’t want to enforce the boundaries that I knew he was trampling over on a daily basis.

I didn’t want to face my own work project, that would require me to level up and that scared me sh*tless, so I worked on his projects.

I loved the things he said to me, even if I knew they weren’t true and were never acted upon.

It was like a warm bath that I knew I needed to get out of, but just waited until it was freezing cold.

Yes, I still think he’s a little sh*t, even if I’m able to feel compassion for what caused a clinical pathology that he will likely never heal from. But I’ll tell you this…I won’t ever abandon myself that way again. After him, at the first sign of stupid game playing - from anyone - I put down a very hard line. So he didn’t ruin my life, he crashed into my faulty foundations and gave me the opportunity to build them back up again.

If you’re willing, with time, distance & healing you will eventually come to see the role this person played in your bigger picture.

For now, take all of your anger, sadness, disbelief - let them all flow out freely without judgement. That means if you miss him, go ahead and miss him - just don’t get into contact. As you’re missing him just keep repeating - it wasn’t true. You have to retrain your brain to view the whole situation differently.

Find how you can take all of that emotional energy and transmute it into fuel to move you forward.

https://www.quora.com/Why-did-the-narcissist-target-me-and-ruin-my-life

[tellomon]

What's the one thing victims of
narcissistic abuse must understand?

The narcissist's behavior has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own insecurities and need for control.

The abuse ends and the healing begins when you drop them like a bad habit.
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That they are not a bad person or going insane. You have every right to stand up for yourself and not back down!
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That narcs don't ever change. It's no good wishing and hoping that they'll stop the abuse. It will only stop when you go No Contact.
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Healing is a personal journey, and it takes time to get through the emotion of it all. I think that we all need to take this painful journey at our own pace. And I think that depending on the severity of the victim's symptoms the perpetrator should cover all and any expense in said journey!!

God only gives his strongest worriers this battle and will give nothing more than we can take.

I wish you all peace and big big hugs during this battle, God speed.
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IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! You beautiful soul …were open and giving in love, unbeknowns to you, to the enemy. They used and abused your precious love, time and energy and for that they will need to answer to God. Praying that everybody who has fallen prey to these evil demons will have the courage and strength to overcome and heal in time xxx God Bless you.
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The abuse was not your fault. People with NPD choose high value, good people with excellent qualities. We are giving, loving and agreeable. We just didn't know people like that exist.

There is evil in the world, and we experienced it. Look at it for what it was, and move on. Now we can be more aware with new knowledge in future relationships.

https://risingabovenarcissism.quora.com/Whats-the-one-thing-victims-of-narcissistic-abuse-must-understand

[tellomon]

What is so dangerous
about a narcissist?

They are parasites, and will drain you of whatever they can, as much as possible. Their abuse can cause long term damage to your mental, emotional, financial, and even physical health.

You may be dealing with something much worse. I thought I was married to a narcissist until STBXGIC (soon to be ex going in circles) tried to kill me, and tried to have me killed.

Leave ASAP. It only gets worse, and can be more dangerous than you know.
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That you’re in close proximity with them. They’re are a predator, they’re an abuser, they use you for whatever means that they want. They don’t care about you. You are just an object to be used and discarded later like a cigarette butt.

They could kill you, they could drive you to suicide (like mine tried to do), they will play mind tricks on you which make it so you can’t move forward in life. They will make your physical and mental health diminish down to nothing.

These people are hideous. They’re not even a person nor human. They’re a hostile alien.

Get out while you still have some sanity…
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The most dangerous part about dealing with a narcissist is that you are dealing with the person who is before you—he is not real, and will do anything at first to reel you in. He is charismatic but fake, which makes him very dangerous.

People are just not their thing but getting someone to do what they want is their thing, and they will do whatever it takes to win the prize, including faking emotions—they have none.

Narcissists are determined and clever. They will literally do anything to stay on top—to be number one, including being your friend. And when you are no longer of use, you are discarded—on his part, there never was any allegiance or loyalty. You were once of use, but you have lost your purpose, so goodbye to you and hello to DISCARD.

In other words, a narcissist is all about himself and attending to his needs—there is no room for feelings, intelligence, logic, rational thought or reason.

Trying to deal with an empty heart and coming up empty handed is what makes a narcissist dangerous—they are void of any feelings, unless it will benefit them.
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They are very dangerous but they can have not just narc traits; it can be combined.

They accuse you of everything. They themselves are doing "Projection". They belittle people and lecture people like they are the adult and you are the child. They triangulate you against everyone and they also smear your name to everyone.

They are very verbally abusive. Some are control freaks. They use the silent treatment very often. And passive aggressive behavior. They are entitled; they do whatever they want and around whoever they want. They gaslight you and they do it so often it makes people think they are going crazy.

They also do that reactive abuse where they abuse you and once you react to their abuse tell you "You need meds and you're crazy". They use word salad and manipulate people. They also do that sleep abuse at home or phone or text. They go into ballistic rages. They bully and threatened people. They do that hot and cold and that Jekyll and Hyde thing.

It gets worse and worse the longer you stay with them. If they hoover you back with promises of change, they get you back to abuse you more. They smear your name from the beginning or at the end when you finally had enough.

Some are obsessed stalkers who think everyone is their own personal property. Trying to reason with them is like you're dealing with an adult child trying to teach common decency and you'll be better off banging your head against brick wall.

You could end up with PTSD or CPTSD. Double standard BS. It's like signing a contract with the devil. They can break the rules and boundaries but you better not try anything.

It's like being on a merry go round with the devil. They never apologize for anything they do but try to make you apologize for everything you're not doing or saying. They are pathological liars and cheaters and will accuse you of everything they are doing.

Even if someone was to hurt themselves because of what they were doing, they would tell everyone "Look, I told you they are crazy". Some are on the side of the Dark Triad and you see the pain they've caused.

Did you ever see their eyes when they abuse you and you react, how evil their eyes get? They might even laugh.

I would go no contact with them and all their enablers and flying monkey turds so you can heal and become healthy.

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/What-is-so-dangerous-about-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

How is being "discarded"
by a narcissist any different
than a regular break up?

Oh there are quite a few differences actually.

With a normal breakup there will be closure with that one last adult conversation where both parties will ask questions and receive answers.

In a narcissistic discard there will be no closure and you can forget any of your questions being answered.

With a normal breakup both parties will most likely stay single until healed.
With a narcissistic discard the narcissist has already gotten another supply lined up way before they discarded you.

With a normal breakup each party will try make it easier for the other party, as painless as possible.
With a narcissistic discard the narcissist will make it as painful as possible.

If you share a house together the normal person will wait and let the other party find alternative accommodations.
With a narcissist they won't wait for nothing, they don't care if you go sleep in the streets as long as you leave the second they say "Go".

If there are kids involved with a normal breakup, the parties will find a way to co-parent.
With a narcissistic discard there will be parental alienation.

With a normal breakup there will be no guilt tripping or blame put solely on one person.
With a narcissistic discard the narc will make their partner feel confused, put all the blame on their partner and make them feel extremely guilty.
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Because you won't see it coming Narcissists will pretend everything is fine.

The difference is:

They'll break up with you in a very cruel way.

They won't care/consider your feeling at all.

They'll completely ghost you… POOF! they're gone, leaving you baffled & wondering what happen.

They won't give you any explanation because they've been grooming the new supply the whole time leading up to the discard.

Narcissist wants you to chase them and pour your heart out while they ignore all your text messages & phone calls, having no intention of giving you closure.

Normal people talk to you at some point about why they want to break up / leave you.

Narcissist will throw you away like yesterday's trash with no remorse as if you never meant anything to them.

Because you didn't get with the narc's program as docile Supply... THAT'S the difference.

Sorry folks, that's how they are.
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From my personal experience:

You will feel guilty, alot; it might even lead to depression. You will think that you’re a horrible person for messing it up with such a wonderful person. You won’t be able to get  closure because they’ll disappear *snap* just like that.

They won’t show the slightest care for you, thus enhancing the feeling of guilt and that will make you genuinely believe that you’re the most awful person on earth. All the people both of you knew will turn against you. You’ll have trust issues and self-esteem problems.

Now that I’m thinking about it, it’s torture.
Nothing like a normal adult break-up.

But the most painful thing you’ll experience is when you realize you’re the wonderful person and that you didn't deserve any of that vicious disrespect and savage abuse.

Ahh it’s fking painful, oh well. And your pain becomes the narc's delight. Sick b@sturds!

Good luck to you !
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Narcissists must have supply available. You have failed to hold up their grandiose vision of themselves by not being fully available at all times to admire and worship them like a god.

Keep in mind that when you do things for yourself the Narcissist will consider this a slight and it will cause an injury to them.

Furthermore you are expecting a normal amount of reciprocity which is also causing the Narcissist an injury. They are entitled to your full attention and they owe you nothing.

Lastly, the relationship has become boring to them. It turns out you are a human being with flaws. You no longer match with the fantasy in their head, therefore you are not good enough. This causes them an injury because they are too special to be with someone so ordinary.

Now the Narcissist must find new supply.
But you can bet they will not give up their current supply until they find a suitable replacement.

However, since you have injured them so gravely they must also punish you. Negative attention is still attention, and it doesn’t really matter to them if you are in love or in pain. If this particular Narcissist is sadistic they will, of course, prefer the pain.

The Narcissist will start hunting. You will notice signs of cheating such as them suddenly caring more about their appearance. Guarding their phone and internet much more closely, and changes to their routine. They will lie about this so blatantly that it will trigger cognitive dissonance for you. If you feel a great deal of confusion, its a good bet the Narcissist is lying and gaslighting you.

You will find the the Narcissist is now accusing you of cheating. With my last Narc he would accuse me of cheating, then he would accuse me of accusing him of cheating, and then he would deny the cheating.

He started talking about himself in terms of how desirable he was. For example, he would say that he knew what women wanted and that he had the things that women would want. Except some of the things he would say about himself were aspects of his history and personality I never knew about. Of course, they were also lies. He was simply practicing the story he would tell about himself to someone new...the New Supply.

He would morph his personality. Sometimes I would drop by his house and although he still looked the same physically, it was like I was with a completely different person. This was because he was busy learning to mirror someone else who he was engaged in love bombing with.

He would go on work related trips and on these trips there would always be some tragic circumstance which caused him to spend money. For example, he ended up having to stay overnight in Las Vegas by no fault of his own. He managed to lock his keys inside his car and it cost him $500 to get into his car.

But the story he told about the tragic incidents of that night were bizarre. The story kept changing for several days until he had figured out the final version he wanted people to believe. Of course, all of this was meant to garner my sympathy so that I would be so busy feeling sorry for him and marveling over the bizarre “facts” that I could never get to the simple truth.

He was there with another woman. If I were to question this story, he could immediately criticize me for being a terribly uncaring person who was questioning the motives of a good man who had just gone through a terribly hard time.

He started getting extremely sensitive and defensive anytime I talked about sex. He would engage me in gaslighting and word salad if I brought up the subject. In fact a single mention could ignite a rage filled verbal attack that could last for hours.

He would also gaslight me. For example he would insist that I had accused him of having an affair ( I hadn’t ) then he would attack me for accusing him of this. Then the following day he did the same maneuver except that “affair” turned into “affairs”.

Unfortunately for me the Narcissist managed to hoover me several times. But eventually I stopped reacting and disconnected emotionally. Frankly his mental illness was so deep I found it interesting to observe and would sometimes trigger him on purpose to set off his reactions.

One time he melted down severely for a couple of hours straight. He literally went from one maneuver to another. It was like watching an actor practice his roles. I simply sat quietly and observed this. He essentially schooled me in several of his manipulation tactics. I used this knowledge to reexamine and explain aspects of our history from a new perspective.

Once I was able to see what he was doing it became clear exactly what he was up to. Each time he met with another women, he would accuse me of cheating. Each time he had sex with another women he would become reactive to talking about sex. Each time he went off on a trip with another woman he would come home with a tragic story of how he was wronged.

The reality is, the Narcissist can not just cheat. They need to cheat and triangulate you with the cheating in order to punish you for all the harm you have caused them. So they will tell on themselves.

By this time I was primarily in the picture because of his daughters who had asked me for help. I gathered evidence against him and reported him to the authorities.

A couple of days later my car suffered from a catastrophic failure of the entire cooling system. This was the third time he had sabotaged my car. But, I dealt the Narcissist a heavy blow and stopped his hoovering. He of course attempted to smear me all over town. But I was expecting it, and prepared ahead by connecting with many people in a way that would contrast deeply with the image of me he tried to portray to them.

The Narcissist is actually very weak. But because they are so desperately weak they can act out in very harmful and even dangerous ways. That’s why a proper defense requires that you understand what makes them tick.

There is some controversy about if the Narcissist knows what they are doing, or if they are simply so deeply engaged in their mental illness that they can not be held accountable.

I am here to tell you that the Narcissist knows exactly what they are doing. They are doing it consciously. Because the original injury happened when they were very young, they have been practicing their manipulation strategies for a long time. So they aren’t necessarily thinking about it ahead of time.

Sometimes they are just running a game on you that they have run hundreds of times on other people because they know it is effective. Make no mistake. Their intention is to control and have power over you and they will use whatever means is at their disposal to do so.

The Narcissist does not consider this wrong. They will justify in their own mind that what they are doing is perfectly ok. They escape guilt and shame even within their own mind, by engaging in an enduring delusion that is so deep that if they were to see through it, they would literally die. This delusion is the false self. And because there is no other self, the death of the false self is the same as death.

During the time I knew this particular Narcissist there were three or four moments of clear, unadulterated truth. In these moments I saw that the Narcissist was fully conscious and aware of what he was doing, and that he was fully committed to it without reservation.

How do you know you are about to be discarded? Open your eyes to the sickening truth about the Narcissist and it will soon be obvious to you.

When you are walking on eggshells, deeply confused, cannot think straight, dive into depression and possibly suicidal thoughts, are being blatantly abused, but still being held onto the Narcissist is preparing to discard you.
 
When you suddenly find that everything about you is wrong, every secret is being told around town and every bit of information you ever shared is being used to sabotage you the Narcissist is preparing to discard you.

When you can see that the Narcissist blatantly hates you, but will not let go of you, he is planning to discard you, and the moment he finds suitable supply you will be cut off like you never existed.

When he tells you stories that are too fantastic to be believed and doesn’t even bother to cover his lies, he is coming close to a replacement. Because when that lie becomes so blatant that you finally call him out on it, he will use your normal reaction to prove to the world what a crazy, unstable b!tch you are.

Be advised: The Narcissist will not just let you go. He will attempt to destroy you as well. Part of his discard will include smearing you. He wants to make sure that in the end it will all be your fault. You will have no one to turn to, and that other people do not see his game, and will not believe you if you try to tell them. In fact, it is very likely that his new supply will become his strongest supporter and helper in this goal.

He has been doing this all his life, and he is exceedingly good at it. Don’t take it personally. The person before you went through this. The person he was sleeping with while he abused you will also go through this.

It is very likely that this pattern will continue in the Narcissists life until the day he dies. When you are discarded, you have been handed your freedom. Guard it jealously. It is hard to admit that you have been played. But if you can admit it, you will prevent another Narcissist from doing the same thing to you in the future.

https://www.quora.com/How-is-being-discarded-by-a-narcissist-any-different-then-a-regular-break-up

[tellomon]

What is the best punishment
/consequence for a narcissist?

TIME

The sordid, chaotic, selfish life of the narcissist has only one punishment that is fitting....TIME!

TIME strips the narc of their beloved physical attributes. That once glowing smile is now just an overstretched over-tanned juvederm skin balloon, along with some graying cracked veneers.

Their once magnetic charm and charisma has seemingly vanished. Now, the narc becomes an empty air bag of nervous energy.. a desperate attention seeker… kinda boring actually. Their sex appeal is gone too. Its been replaced with a fake pair of over-groped dented tits, and some Colombian stretch underwear to forklift their saggy asses.

Their once captivated stadium full of supply has dwindled down to only a few leftover bleacher seat rejects willing to still entertain them. TIME now forces the narc to see their ugliness squarely in the mirror.

As TIME passes friends and family have become tired of the narcs antics. Now, they hide from, refuse to answer their calls, and secretly poke fun at the narc. TIME has exposed the narc. That smug fitting mask that once protected their despicable selves is now punctate and worn and now slips regularly with ease.

TIME has struck the gavel against the narc. TIME has decided their fate…TIME now banishes them straight to Bogeyland forever...rot there.
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The best punishment and consequences narcissists face when they start to age.

Aging narcissists face karma. They pay for what they have done. Once a narcissist starts aging, they don't get things easily. It's hard for them to maintain the mask; they don't have the energy or patience to maintain the mask to attract supplies. People start figuring out who they are because of their past history and their inability to maintain a mask in front of people.

Aging narcissists behave in a very wicked way; they are unable to control their emotions and frustration. Health problems make them feel insecure, anxious, and tensed. If they have money, they can keep a person for benefits, but it's still hard for them to control the person. The person they keep takes advantage of their old age. They isolate themselves; it's like they have lost the battle. What they have hidden inside for all those years can be seen very easily by looking at them. Aging narcissists live a horrible and miserable life. What they have done in life, they are getting in return with interest.

Narcissists suffer in the end. Hoo RAY!
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Being left to live the life they imagine they deserve, without you as their trusty home base, their back up.

Leaving them in their vacuous, vapid world where they can flirt, fantasize and fk, with reckless abandon…but without you to come home to and take for granted.

Giving them the freedom to pursue their “friendships” (their acquaintances) until they wear people out and expose themselves as the socially awkward fks they are.

By moving on, by building a life of value, pursuing your goals, dreaming new dreams and making them real. Leaving the N free to pursue all the options he’s deluded himself into thinking he has. Letting it run dry and not being there for him.

By loving and being loved; by having a stable, reliable, worthwhile relationship with someone. By finding a life partner. Leaving him to burn through all those gals he has his eyes on. All those gals he lights up when he sees. All those gals he’s compared you to. All those gals that won’t be thinking about him anymore than you will. As he grows old, and all his scavenging and manipulating and conning and grifting puts him right back at the start of the game…while everyone else has been moving forward.

By quietly laughing to yourself about all his delusions for the future, knowing they add up to all the failures of his life that got him this far. Or didn’t. And knowing he’s too dumb to see it.

By letting go. And letting him be someone else’s problem.
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For all of us, looks fade with age.

It's not pleasant to deal with for anyone, but generally we accept it, make the most of what we still have. We're grateful for good times, for love given, received and made.

We look at younger people and see them without jealousy or bitterness.

Many flowers still bloom. We can look at the sky and feel grateful that we are alive.

Now consider the narcissist…

They don't actually need to be punished. That's not in any way a defence of their behaviour or the evil that they do, be that from hurting people right up to being a danger.

This is their entire parasitic life.

Dwelling on what is a punishment for them means you're just swimming in their shitstream.

You are better than that. Breathe in and out and thank your lucky stars you've not had the life of pain they have, and can't handle.
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I don’t like to think about this, truthfully, because there are people that I still love who are malignant narcissists, whom I have had to remove from my life for my own sanity and well-being.

Some have already left this earth, and I don’t like to think of the repercussions they might be suffering right now from all their earthly actions. I hold onto the old adage that it is not our place to judge, and so whatever was going on with them, in their mad minds, that caused them to behave the way they did on this Earth, let a Higher Being judge them for those deeds.

As for their punishments here on Earth, I can tell you that as they age, their supply dwindles, and reality begins to seep into their false image. It becomes harder and harder to deny the wrinkles in the mirror. They become more moody and disagreeable than ever. There are less and less takers and the well soon dries up. They usually replace some of their fuel with belittling anyone and everyone they meet, but even that isn’t enough to sustain them.

If they are lucky enough to have money, they might be able to employ some staff to pour misery onto. Most of them turn to drugs or alcohol to escape their reality. Of course these only add to their depression.

Those that don’t turn to drugs, seem to actually become delusional. For instance, a 70 year old narcissist might think everyone who is kind to them is coming on to them. Or they regress back to childhood, and decide to go back to college, hang out with all the college kids and act as if they are of college school-age.

Or a person who has long-since lost their looks to “age”, might decide that they still have a chance at modeling or to become a famous actor, and begin putting together a portfolio and searching for a talent scout or manager to promote them. They end up spiraling in their madness, sometimes becoming so out of touch with reality that they let all of their responsibilities go by the wayside as they obsess with their new fake persona (buying cars they can’t afford, getting cosmetic surgeries, instead of paying their mortgage).

They become so entrenched in their fantasy that they begin to tell people they are famous, and even begin to believe their own lies. Eventually reality catches up to them. Hollywood rejects them. Tyra Banks laughs in their old wrinkled face. The mortgage company forecloses on their house. BMW repossesses their car.

They find themselves shunned by the other college kids, who just find them creepy and weird. And so they begin to spiral into a depression, so deep and so dark… as their madness overtakes them.

Those lucky narcissists that have have wealth or people addicted enough to remain in their life, will spend every last minute they reside on this planet, making life miserable for those who are around them.

But the remainder do end up all alone, suffering through their last days in a puddle of self-pity, total and complete despair. They usually die alone, encompassed by their own stench, and are not found until someone reports the smell of their rot.

Sounds pretty, huh?

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-punishment-consequence-for-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists act like nothing ever happened?
They act like they never did anything wrong.

Narcissists cannot empathize. Other people only exist to meet their needs.

They live in an inflated bubble of their own fantasy world to protect their fragile ego. They distort, rationalize, twist facts, and delude themselves to avoid anything that may cause unwanted feelings like shame.

When you have an altercation, or when they do something awful they project - a narcissist doesn’t have to experience anything negative in him or herself, but sees it as external. Those traits are projected onto someone else or a group of people instead. You become the one who is selfish, weak, unlovable, or worthless.

They believe they DID do nothing wrong, it was you that was the problem, and once their needs are met, they totally disregard and forget it even happened because they have no emotional attachment to it.
____________________________________

The narcissist acts like nothing ever happened because to him nothing ever happened.

What piqued my curiosity was this very thing. In the beginning of our so-called relationship I never experienced this type of non-reactive person. He was even keeled I thought. Compared to the household I came from. Everybody in my family would talk,react argue,apologize and move on or not and we laughed alot.

I thought I came from a rather strange family. Little did I know that my family was my rock.

As time went on I realized this narcissist had no heart. When he began to treat me like I was not his equal. He made decisions, was secretive about finances, and then the other women. With all this, he was calm and cool like nothing ever happened.

So it ended up with the narcissist controlling everything and it was a confused mess. The narcissist just didn't want to even communicate. It was like I was living with a dead person.

Live and learn.

https://explorenarcissism.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-act-like-nothing-ever-happened-They-act-like-they-never-did-anything-wrong-They-just-move-on-to-the

[tellomon]

Why would a narc treat you
like garbage, abuse you through
texts and suddenly be reasonable and nice?

NARCISSISTS HATE YOU.

That's why the narcissist treats you like garbage.

And sends you nasty texts.

They just don't like you, ok.

And all the nasty things they say is how they feel about you.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you can't possibly think that a narcissist actually cares about you.

They can't, they're disordered.

In order not to hate themselves, they gotta hate you.

Now, why would they be nice after that?

Because they're not ready to leave you yet.

And as long as they're not you'll be going through a cycle of abuse and intermittent reinforcement with them.

As time passes, the abusive periods will become longer, while the nice periods will become shorter.

In due time, the niceness will be completely eradicated.

Until you'll be left with the abuse only.

The real person, the one that hates you.

Then, after some time, they'll leave you without a warning.

They'll just block you and dissapear.

Some time later they'll probably try and get with you again.

And you'll get to see the fake nice version again.

And if you entertain it, you can repeat all of the above.

Infinitely.

All of this, is because they're a narcissist.

And that's why.
_____________________________________

Because they are crazy.

They are impulsive and don’t live in reality. They aren’t accountable for any treatment they give out.. they’ll say they didn’t do it, they were joking, it didn’t happen. It’s all a game. All they want is a reaction to feed off of.

They don’t care if it’s a good reaction or bad reaction, your reaction is their food. Starve them. That’s the only way to get rid of them. Don’t try to make any sense of it, it never will make sense.
_______________________________________

For confusion… they're trying to determine what they can get away with — what you’ll tolerate.

Why? Because they have identified you as someone who they wish to use… they need to have you confused…it sets you off balance, leaving you reeling from the mind f*kery and hopefully you won't notice when they are stealing something from you, most notably your energy and goodness, your money or maybe your friends etc.

If you know someone to be a true narcissist, it's best not to engage. Ignore their antics. Treat them with respect but don't let their hooks set in. What they want most is your reaction, once they get it they will pursue you for greater thefts. When you finally figure them out and cut off the Supply, that's when they toss you out to the curb.
_____________________________________

This is just the way they are.

Literally, they can go from raging at you for hours, pissed off beyond belief, for something they did, but are blaming you for it.

Then 10 minutes later, comes out and says “hi honey, what should we east for supper?” Like nothing happened because in their mind, nothing really did happen. It was just you raising a fuss over their abuse, which isn’t a concern at all to them, so it is easy for them to rage and then settle down, within minutes.

Not degrading. Just saying….. think of a toddler, throwing a tantrum because they didn’t get the attention they want 24/7 or the didn’t get the toy they wanted. Or they are tired or hungry. As soon as they find something to distract them, they come out refreshed and a whole new person, with a whole completely different mood…. This is where shite is so confusing.

With mine, he would sit there and rage at me for an hour or two, throw his fits, over sh!t he causes and he was mad and rearranging my reasoning to his distorted reality. I stopped defending myself, when he attempted to reverse the convo and issue back to me. He hated that, I knew that he did that.

Maybe too much information, but he would ask me to have sex with him after he threw his tantrum and went apesh!t. It’s like he loved fighting and then sex right after. In the beginning it was “make-up sex.” But it soon became excessive with him. But I was so traumatized and bonded, although I knew what was happening and that I shouldn’t allow it, I still stayed long after.

They literally are up, down and all around in less than a minute. They go from laughing with you, sharing videos, to 2 minutes later you’re still laughing, enjoying the rare moment together; you try to show them a video you found funny, but you’re completely ignored. They stop laughing. Head into their phone. And you can see the small smirk on their face, knowing they know you know they are purposefully ignoring you.

I literally could not keep up with the constant mood shifts, for no reason.

A lot of times they will plan a situation, then stage it and act it out. It usually involves something that irritates you, like you just finally sat down and the narcissist says, can you grab my charger, I think it fell behind my chair. My response, I exhibited frustration. Due to endless hours of cleaning, that of course had no help with.

Of course this was the reaction the narcissist was intending to provoke out of you, so you act annoyed; irritated and probably moody, but there is one main rule of the narcissist. Do as I say; not as I do.

Basically, saying they can do and say whatever to you; but you are not allowed to hold them accountable and you also aren’t allowed to say and do whatever you want.

You play by their rules; you’re just an object to them, like a possession. You’re aren’t a person to them.

You play their game, you start to adapt and figure out their game; you master the way to stop the game, you’ll know when it is time. You’ll be to the point, where you want to check yourself into another universe, to escape them.

But although we may completely despise this person, you’re disgusted with them, you know they are impacting your mental and psychological wellbeing, but you can’t seem to let them go. This is a strong trauma bond.

We know we need to get out, but it’s “safe” here for now. When you have had enough, you’ll know. And it will take you, the strong person you know you are, to pull yourself away, cut all contact, and fking breath again. LIVE. Once that fog is gone, it’s like sh!t have I been dead this whole time with them?

It literally feels like you’re being reborn. They suck your soul and every last bit of energy left in you if you let them.

https://www.quora.com/Why-would-a-narc-to-treat-you-like-garbage-abuse-you-through-texts-and-suddenly-be-reasonable-and-nice

[tellomon]

Can you be a self aware narcissist?

They do exist and and those motherfkers are dangerous.

I think narcissism is on a spectrum when it comes to self-awareness.

You've got that moron who basically is just inconsiderate and selfish and careless with peoples feelings on the low end of the spectrum, and on the high end you've got somebody who's a piece of sh!t and knows exactly what they're doing and gets off on it.

The self-aware ones are the ones with the high levels of cognitive empathy. They're the ones who can tell exactly how you're feeling, and then with no remorse they'll exploit that for whatever suits their interest.

Those are the ones that will take your secrets that you told them in your vulnerable moments and use them against you for personal gain or for their own sick enjoyment.

These are the ones that will divorce you on the day of your mother's funeral and steal all your money on their way out.

These are the ones who play victim and publicly shame you for being an abusive psycho, even though, I got to say, these are some of clingiest a*sholes I've ever come across, with their abandonment issues and their accusations and psychotic jealousy.

And, yeah we've all got issues, but normal people don't use that as a piss poor excuse to abuse others, and then gaslight you into believing you're the problem.
______________________________________
Related
Can a self-aware narcissist be helped?

No

They know exactly what they have been doing the entire time.

These are some of the things self aware narcissists use for their self help:

When you are in pain they leave you behind and help themselves cope with them losing your attention by sleeping with someone else.

They help themselves ahead of you at the all you can eat buffet. Then when it comes time to pay they forgot their wallet.

When rent comes due they somehow don't have the money. Instead they helped themselves by buying a new car. Now, not only is rent due but you have to pay their car payment. They want you to thank them for their shiny new car.

The next day they total their (your) car because the night before they self helped themselves to 5 six packs of beer on your credit card.

Self aware narcissists are aware that they can get what they want by manipulating you.

They have been self helping themselves to you since day one.

Time to shut down the all they can eat buffet....

https://www.quora.com/Can-you-be-a-self-aware-narcissist

[tellomon]

They are masters at using the guilt with us. It took me a while to find this out. Yes they are ruled by their feelings.

The Narcissistic Guilt Trap

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSlujastcww

[tellomon]

They are users period. Run like hell. You can't believe how ill these people are.

The Fantasy of The Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdHyXKDOq7g

@cindyc.1572
5 years ago
I was raised by a narcissistic mother. She never showed me love. I ended up with a narcissist and I tried so hard to get his love but of course there was none. I guess I searched out a person like my mother and tried to get that love I was denied my whole life. I realize now that I am a lovable person and I am free of these narcs. Their loss.


@eajosephedward
5 years ago
And  really empathic people are a real threat to them,  and those who are really talented and really articulate with their.minds those narcs try to diminish, minimize and sabotage them because they are grave threat to them and one of their biggest dislikes is being called out..


@1991windsor
5 years ago
I pretty much ignored every red flag in the beginning and it wasn't because I didn't want to accept what he was it was because I had no idea what narcissism was until I couldn't ignore the flags anymore and went to the internet.  My biggest lesson in all of this was to always trust your gut it will never lead you astray.

[tellomon]

“Narcissists believe what they want is more important than a person's life.”

Why Narcissists Are Dangerous

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIk72D5Sy-U&t=2s

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

A narc is disconnected from its soul.  It is like a robot that looks like a human.

5 Things You Need to Know About Narcissists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIyymYnuMoA

@ronaldculley
My ex narc not only would assign me tasks around the house, she would show and tell me how to do it. So who wears the tool belt in the house?

@pattyholmes127
5 years ago
Three (impossible) rules for getting along with a narcissist:
1--Agree with everything they say.
2--Do what they tell you.
3--Give them what they want.

@plumduff3303
5 years ago
The sad thing is you think they love you.
Reality is that they really don't although they love belittling and spending all your money and breaking your heart.

@bbelizy9627
5 years ago
If I had to pick only one video for a narc victim to listen to who doesn't understand what is happening to her or him, out of all the Youtube narc expert videos, it would be this video. This would be the one video I would give to the victim to help him or her. To me this is the most urgent information to give to a victim. The victims are living in constant trauma and psychological torture. They are in serious danger.

[tellomon]

When a Narcissist Gets Angry,
You've Defeated Them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVQ2S1_Qkks

@carparthero
1 hour ago
In addition to anger, when the narcissist tells you things like:

-You've changed
-I got no use for you
-You're crazy
-You only care about yourself

They are really telling you that they have lost control over you.

At that point it's checkmate in your favor. 

Keep winning!

[tellomon]

There is a difference between an excuse and an explanation.
Narcissists Need A Partner in Their Denial

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6Y8gN0kbNU

@penelopelambson9128
4 years ago
This is where the codependent becomes complicit in this mess.


@AFFTFOMSICHTS
4 years ago
The last Hoover I ever responded to my ex narc. i told him this exact thing. You live in a fantasy land and always have. I don’t. You can no longer try to convince me or manipulate me into believing “I’m a negative person” for seeing the reality and not believing in your delusions and fantasy.


@mauricenunez73
4 years ago
I hate narcissists. They are people who can’t do sh!t for themselves and manipulate good people around them to carry them through life. I haven’t seen any of the narcs in my life become suicidal, only threaten to do it. My reply is “go ahead, make my day.”


@blessOTMA
4 years ago
I wish I had back the decades of pointless " cheer leading" I put out for narcs who had no intention of actually moving forward. Great video.

[tellomon]

Do narcissists really ever suffer for what they do to their victims or do they just get away with it?

NPD types are constantly suffering. They have to overcome their regular morning depressive state by abusing other people, and/or consuming drugs and/or alcohol in a vain effort to self medicate the effects of their lack of essential brain parts away. They have to figure out their emotional responses and practice them in the mirror, and try to devise lose/lose situations for other people so they can feel, if not superior, then alive.

They have to fume and cook up revenge plots for people who took half a second too long to smile at them, or worse gave them friendly constructive criticism. They have to consider a lifetime of regrets and then lay them at the feet of innocent people. None of this sounds like flourishing nor thriving. Happiness to them is fleeting and usually involves some kind of abuse, whether of themselves or others.

In terms of justice, they do seem to get away with their horrific abuse. I don't hear of any getting thrown down disused wells with a case of six hand grenades without their pins or even a good ol’ fashioned hanging. I read supposedly that in France they can be incarcerated for up to five years, and under their legal system it is guilty until proven not guilty with the onus on the accused to prove their innocence.

I will say this: when they've demolished your life and you're sitting around in the dark wondering why you're not sleeping, eating and have panic attacks when you leave your house, and they're off having a wild time going to sex parties with the first guy who came along, you feel like there is no justice in this world.

Ultimately they suffer, and that is good enough for me. They just don't have the brain parts to even fully comprehend what they have done to you, so punishment with an eye to rehabilitation is not going to happen. Punishment focusing on corporeal punishment seems to be the best thing to hope for, but sadly is out of fashion.

It isn't that they won't face up to their horrific behaviour, merely they can't as they lack the full set of brain parts. You'd be better off expecting a cat to become an astrophysicist than expecting a narc to admit to themselves even how they are. Their whole existence is geared against this ever happening!

It is enough that they suffer full stop.

Look, people who have been through their evil nonsense must drop this idea of getting “justice”. Yeah, yeah, I know, it is… unjust… but it will consume you, absolutely consume you. It is a form of abuse nigh impossible to prove to the judiciary, who often enough have trouble even comprehending this personality disorder, coupled with the fact that the NPD is an accomplished, practiced grandmaster liar and they can call on their flying monkeys to back them up…

The whole criminal justice procedure would just traumatise you even more! What helped me is: they suffer. Even if you never waste another half second of your life on these creatures, they suffer. When you wake up in the morning to deal with the flattened fried crap they turned your life into, and slowly start to get somewhere dealing with it and can feel happy again, even for a minute at a time… they suffer.

It seems like they get away with it, but in the end when they've lost their youth and can't attract new victims and implode into a vicious pile of pus ridden garbage, that's justice. They are their own punishment, and they can never escape.

Their inescapable suffering is your justice!
_____________________________________

This is an interesting question. Do narcissists really ever suffer for what they do to their victims or do they just get away with it?

If you look at it from a normal human beings point of view, then yes they suffer. Any normal human being that loves someone and values someone doesn't really hurt that loved one for kicks and giggles. And if they lose that loved one, they have regrets.

However, for a narc, they can't face the consequences so they are constantly in denial. They'll never admit there is a problem. It's really all about their fragile ego and they will go to whatever lengths necessary to protect it. Whereas a normal person would work within a social, ethical, and legal framework, these guys are hell bent to ignore these boundaries. Which is what makes them so dangerous.

To answer your question, yes, narcissists do really suffer for what they do to their victims but because they are narcs they will never admit it, and deceive their own selves into believing that they actually got away.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-really-ever-suffer-for-what-they-do-to-their-victims-or-do-they-just-get-away-with-it

[tellomon]

Has anyone ever sued their
narcissist and won?

I don’t think Narcissists are as difficult to deal with in court as they are in home. Just prepare for a DUMB but RUTHLESS stupid evil idiot. You can easily win, if prepared. I don’t mean simply winning over them, I mean DESTROYING THEM.

They are so careless and irresponsible that they probably already gave you tons of ammunition.
_____________________________________

I did. Successfully.

It was a LOT of money, and a whole lot of gaslighting/heartache, but I nailed him. Seized his only asset, his estranged wives home, but did it.

Nailed him.

Exposed him totally. He knows now, not to mess with me, so has slithered off, silently, to new supply. (Who will quickly nail him too). I feel I owned my narc, exposed him and shamed him, as he so deserved. It was a tough, and expensive road. He is now living in a camper in someone's field, feeling the shame he deserves.

He did NOT destroy me, and is cowering about that now. He LOST the war. Profoundly. What a battle it was though!!! He tried to relentlessly destroy me, and failed. It has been a horrific experience. Huge toll on me, but I won! Exposed him epically! Has been tremendously difficult, but nailed him.

Narcissists are NOT smart. You simply understand what you are dealing with, and gather evidence. I easily accessed his emails, because he was so omnipotent, and had no clue. It sunk him! “these are my passwords. I have nothing to hide". Those same passwords accessed other email accounts he had hidden. Busted! LOL! Resulted in me successfully suing him. What a horrible journey though!
______________________________________

It's not easy because narcs use a tactic called smear campaigns which ruin the victims reputation resulting in isolation.

Being a survivor who won ….you have to play mental chess with them I did this and it as draining and almost made me insane.

But somehow I studied him ….I stopped reacting. I silently played the fool.

Used his own strategic tactics on him.

Recruited my circle of trusted people which were mostly doctors counselors and detectives.

I made a paper trail of my mental health my drug free life and exploited the crap out of that maniac .

Yes it is possible.
___________________________________

Tough question as I can imagine it is born out of being on the end of this horriffic abuse .

There’s a lot of talk about money in the answers but I don’t believe money is a motivation for a victim . Neither is control . Justice and exposure of the abuse is what I find is a common theme . A victim wants some kind of justice.

Here’s what a victim of narcissistic abuse will be thinking . ‘If I sue then everyone will find out what's going on then all the people who didn’t believe me will realise what happened. He will lose his precious image , I will overthrow him and bring him to his knees and he will have nowhere to hide. I will force him to face himself . Everyone will know what I went through , because right now you still ARE reeling from what u went through , you should be , it was vile .

You hate him and all the people who only believe abuse if they can see it. You are let down by friends and family , enablers .You may be on the end of a smear campaign , you are probably depressed and isolated . Is it any wonder the thought of dragging HIM through Hell is more than inviting ?

The wounds of this kind of abuse hurt so much because they are invisible . Somehow this makes the suffering all the more heavier to bare. It exhausting explaining it to people who may not even care or understand , it’s traumatic talking about it just to tell someone what’s been going on. At least with cuts and bruises you don’t have to speak or explain . This is a violation of the heart and soul.

What is the payment for that ? What victims want is to be believed and to expose the abuse.

The issue is , if he hasn’t already started to claim to be the victim then this is when he will and boy will he do just that. YES, you have the truth on your side but guess what , when a narcissist is involved it gets all the more distorted . We are not discussing a rational person, we are talking about a highly disordered person who has spent their entire adult life getting very well versed in manipulation , projection and lies .

They will start an episode of behaviour so dark that you will truly see what it’s like to go to war with a narcissist . What I mean is if you think you know them now, you will truly know them if u take them to court . Their life depends on people believing their spin , if that is under threat they will go to any length to destroy you and your reputation .

They will manipulate everyone they can near and far , people they know you don’t get on with, any medical condition you may suffer from , they will go after your children , your house , your family , your job , and your emotional state . They will break you down with such flabbergasting attempts at lies , smears and untruths that you will reach peak madness. It will be a continuation of the abuse. I must press this point .

You would also realistically have to decide whether this was going to be a civil or criminal case. Many narcissists operate in the very grey area between the two. There is SO much evidence you will have to produce . This alone can re traumatise you having to look through photos , emails , txts , social media etc…

You will have to recount every thing that was said and done to abuse you and document your decreasing mental state and back that up with witnesses and evidence . Will these witnesses testify in court ? Many people care but they just don’t want to get involved .

As I said a narcissist is an expert at playing the victim . On paper and in person.

The rage you feel may seem to be able to counteract any malicious behaviour from the narcissist but that is a high level of constant stress. I’m talking that ball of anxiety and fear you had every day X 10 . Every thought will be taken up with this , every conversation .

I can understand that you’ve tried the ‘being happy without him is the best revenge’ but the thoughts of suing can be overwhelming . You don’t imagine anyone would fail to believe you faced with your evidence but court is a cold hard unforgiving place . Only solid evidence will be taken into account . Only you know if that solid evidence is there and you’ll only know that by talking to a solicitor .

Talking costs a lot when solicitors are involved . Every call , every email , every letter , all of it is on the clock .realistically I would put by at least 50k if you are seriously thinking about it . If that kind of money is not available then perhaps really rethink it. You could go to a no win no fee law firm, but there also costs there and really do u want the best or some freebee ? You need the best representation if you are going to put yourself through this hell. You want people experienced in these cases .

You need someone who truly understands NPD and can explain this in court to people who may never have heard of it . Ultimately it’s the judge who will decide but the jury are the strangers who will determine their verdict . That is hard to accept . Strangers will be assessing if they believe you or your abuser . This alone is tormenting .

Make a list of the things you want to gain by going to court . Be completely honest . Make a list of risks. Again be honest . Now compare the two .

Understand the law on coercive control and mental abuse in your country . Look up similar cases which ended in prosecution. I know that in the UK the law was passed on coercive control about 2 years ago and only one man has since been convicted . The maximum sentence is 5 years .

Let’s say your ideal outcome happens . Let’s say he’s sent down for 2 years . (That would be a serious conviction ) Two years pass. It comes close to the day of his release . You are now in utter fear and dread that he will be coming after you . You know he can’t but can you imagine what this would have done to a narcissist . He would have been carving your name on the wall every single day.

Court cannot be taken lightly . It’s a serious affair made even more serious when a narcissist is involved . It feels righteous to want to do it after emotional and psychological abuse but there is so so much to consider .

If you are still in recovery it’s an absolute no no . It could possibly send you into a breakdown . This is how narcissists operate . I can tell you that for sure . I would recommend waiting a year from ending a relationship with a person like this before contemplating anything .

You MUST put your own healing first . Then and only then can you look at it more objectively . The ruminating thoughts that trouble you will fade eventually . Great people will come into your life . Give it time . Give yourself time . Be kind to yourself.

I don’t believe in karma so I won’t leave some crass comment like ‘he’ll get his’ BUT one of the downfalls of the narcissist is that their arrogance makes them think they are untouchable . They will at some point abuse the wrong person , lose their grip on their perfect image , or run out of people to gaslight and fool. Probably all three. Most decent people see it eventually and steer well clear . Most people always felt there was something up with this person but couldn’t put their finger on it.

Rest assured you will never have to live with the level of paranoia and self hatred they live with every day of their lives and yes I hate to say it but you healing without them and becoming your true self once more will put them in an absolute rage . Boohoo ! Your success will literally drive them mad. Remember that.

Sorry this was really quite long . I hope it helps .

https://www.quora.com/Has-anyone-ever-sued-their-narcissist-and-won

[tellomon]

Have you ever tried to
sue a narcissist?

I'm currently embroiled in a legal battle with my narc sister.

Keep a diary. Document EVERYTHING.

Record every telephone call if you can.

Screenshot or download each and every SMS. I'm using an iPhone and have the device set to purge after 1 year and using a special app that lets me download and keep SMS conversations.

Save all emails.

Force conversations to email or SMS if at all possible.

Since my dispute involves the estate of a deceased parent, I hired a lawyer.

Never say or do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a judge.

Difficult but not impossible. The key is to have good documentation and organize things so the court sees through the lies.

Before talking with a lawyer make sure you have a clear and logical diary of events. Make sure you include as much evidence as you can on your position as well as documentation on any abuse the narc dishes out.

For example as part of my deposition I included an email series where I ask my sister about an event and she responds telling me it didn't happen. (Even though I have evidence to show said event DID happen). My lawyer also understands that my sister's tactic is largely to deny deny deny. (And we have some interesting evidence lined up when it comes time for questioning)

Your lawyer need to see YOU as reasonable and the other party as unreasonable.

Seek out Rebeca Zung on YouTube. Her SLAY program on dealing with narcs in court is well worth the money.

Be persistent. Narcs are emotionally week and you WILL persevere if you're persistent

Do some research ahead of time on your case. Google is your friend. I was able to find case law that supports my position.

Feel free to PM me or respond to this comment. I keep track of responses.

Edit: What happened? My lawyer made an application to the court, it was challenged and we're now in the discovery process. Questioning happens next month. We have the upper hand but she's resisting.

https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAfterNarcissism/comments/127iwwy/have_you_ever_tried_to_sue_a_narcissist/

[tellomon]

The #1 Trick For Bringing
A Narcissist To Justice

Narcissists fight DIRTY.

In battle with a narcissist, whilst trying to get resolution, sanity or even a scrap of decency, it may seem like all you get is MORE traumatisation.

Narcissists can feel IMPOSSIBLE to defeat.

But … this isn’t the case.

In today’s Thriver TV episode, I am going to hand you the REAL way to bring a narcissist to justice.

https://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-1-trick-for-bringing-a-narcissist-to-justice/

[tellomon]

The scary thing is how many of these people are existing among us.
The Most Dangerous Kind of Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0sR7jRyIo4

@aliasno.4andover644
2 years ago
Narcissist are Vampires
Psychopaths are Werewolves


@marijkevandermeer2772
4 years ago
Their behaviour is not human...


@whygohome172
3 years ago
Can't fix them! CAN'T love them into wellness....they hate you!!!


@frugalfrugal1307
4 years ago
Sam Vaknin described it as if they had been body-snatched. There is nothing of the original person/narc left behind. They have been entirely consumed by evil and all that has been left behind is the demon in the meat suit who is toying with his unsuspecting victims for his own recreation and entertainment.

[tellomon]

What are the signs that
a narcissist is miserable?

Narcissists are miserable in so many ways:

When the narcissist is especially miserable, he or she will be moody and contemptuous, which can lead to narcissistic rages.

When the narcissist is miserable, he or she will snap at you for minor things, sometimes becoming full-on sessions of emotional terrorism.

When the narcissist is miserable, he or she will refuse to do any chores in the household.

When the narcissist is miserable, he or she will be passive-aggressive and nitpick you to death.

The narcissist will make you aware of his or her misery by pouting or moping around publicly.

The narcissists will show you that he or she is miserable by throwing tantrums when you reasonably ask him or her to do anything they don't want to do.

The narcissist is miserable when he or she launches into tirades or rants about something or somebody he or she doesn't like.

The narcissist is miserable when he or she is outdone in absolutely anything.

Narcissists are miserable almost constantly. They live in a world of misery, and as we know, misery loves company, so they think, "Why don't we inflict someone to somebody else?"

But the truth is that no amount of suffering they make you feel will alleviate the misery that they go through in their mind.

They feel, "I'll just inflict maximum suffering on others and my misery will go away."

Wrong.

Narcissists have zero self-awareness into their own suffering, and they repress it because they want to appear superior. When they feel too stressed out by their internal whirl of suffering, they inflict pain on you.

Narcissists will show their misery outwardly rather than inwardly, so be prepared for a lot of games where they take their anger out on you. They want total dominance, both over their own feelings of misery and over you.
_______________________________________

Narcissists are miserable because a lot of human happiness comes from the happiness of others.

The same part of your brain responsible for empathy, the Left Anterior Insula Cortex, is also responsibility for feelings of well being.

The truth is that as individuals we don't have a huge amount of success. There are downtimes, setbacks, long dark nights of the soul, and some hard won victories.

Being able to share in the lives of others, to laugh with them at troubles we can relate to, console them in hard times, celebrate their achievements gives us access to so much extra happiness.

Relating to others helps to ease the pain of loneliness, and sharing offers us opportunities for the joy of understanding and being understood.

Happiness lost to us if we must always be better than everyone.

https://thetoxicnarcissist.quora.com/What-are-the-signs-that-a-narcissist-is-miserable

[tellomon]

Why should we forgive
the narcissist?

       

To forgive is NOT condoning what that person did to you and you are not condoning that person's behavior.

What you are doing when you forgive it to let go of and to release all the bitterness, anger, hate, and feelings of vengeance against that person. Remember...the only person you are hurting is yourself by not forgiving.

Do you think that person cares how you feel?
No.

Do you think your unforgiveness is hurting that other person?
No.

I know it is very difficult to forgive but when you continue to dwell on that person and what he/she did to you, you are giving that person all your power and control. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK and start loving yourself! That's what forgiveness is all about.

My husband's ex exhibits all the characteristics of a covert narcissist. Although he has always been a positive and optimistic person it was his Christian faith that helped him overcome 30 years of narcissistic abuse. If you can't afford therapy and you don't have a Church or Christian friends you can lean on, find a NPD support group in your area or via a website group. They can provide the support you need.

You will overcome.
I know you will.
________________________________________

No.
And I do not think it is necessary.
Acceptance, yes.
Forgiveness, no.

First, the only thing in this ordeal I am responsible for is being too forgiving. I always forgave his poor behavior and abuse. I forgave his cruelty when I did not understand where it was coming from. I forgave all the pain he caused me in our relationship when we were still together.

I think healing from this type of abuse is when you STOP forgiving someone who hurts you. You say “NO MORE, you are NOT forgiven this time, you are a bad person and I am done with you.” You accept, heal and move on.

There is no need to forgive a person who does not see any wrongdoing and furthermore manipulates you trying to lay all blame at your feet. This is not a person seeking repentance and feels no remorse, therefore not deserving of your forgiveness. Even more so, they do not care to be forgiven so why should you beat yourself up thinking that is requisite for you to heal yourself?
Why should you take this burden?

Forgiveness is between them and God.
It is not my job to forgive a person who hurt me.
__________________________________

HELL NO!

Why?
Because they know exactly what they did to you.

Just to let reality slip into your mind for a moment let me refresh the part of your memory that needs to be refreshed.

And I’m not talking about the fantasy person you fell in love with, that was not real…

The person that you saw in front of you gaslighting you, hitting you, cheating on you, lying to you, yelling at you, scaring you, abusing you mentally, psychologically and emotionally.

That is WHO THEY ARE

That is the person you were in a relationship with.
That is the reality.

You do not have to forgive someone who actually hates you, despises the ground you walk on and never loved you.

Not now, not then, not EVER!!!

https://www.quora.com/Why-should-we-forgive-the-narcissist-What-should-I-do-to-get-past-the-hurt-and-extreme-disappointment-caused-by-an-NPD-person-after-going-no-contact-How-do-we-regain-a-sense-of-peace-after-the-trauma-if-we-cant-afford-therapy

[tellomon]

What happens if
the narcissist’s New Supply is always agreeable?

This won’t change the narcissist’s behavior at all, but it will please them. Not for very long though. Narcissists have tremendous eternal boredom, so soon enough, they’d get sick and bored to death of the doormat you’ve become. This will likely bring a discard for you. With a narcissist, you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. They’re never pleased for long, and will never be satisfied or unbored.😱👀
____________________________________________

THE NARCISSIST WILL NARCISSIST.

Like they always do.

No one can stop the narcissist from narcissisting.

No matter the type of character they possess.

And no matter which behavior they choose to exhibit.

The narcissist WILL devalue every partner they'll ever be with.

And they WILL have the desire to fk the life of those who care about them.

Anyone.

And under any circumstances.

Devaluation is a manifestation of their disorder.

It's inescapable.

The narcissist devalues because they hate the thing/person they're devaluing.

They hate them because the disorder pushes them to look for a new host to extract supply from.

They have to hate them because the only other explanation for preferring to be with random strangers despite their partner bending over backwards for them, giving them everything they can and staying a caring and faithful Clown Slave, is the narcissist being fked in the head.

And that's just a possibility they're not willing to consider.

Therefore their Clown Slave has to be a crackhead from hell.

And, nartechnically, be the one who's pushing the narcissist away and deserves to be betrayed with the fury of hellfire.

Agreeable or not,

The narcissist doesn’t give 2 fks.

They have a need for supply to tend to.

No one cares how nice you are.
________________________________________

The Narc, all Narcs, run the same patterns over and over. It does not matter how the new supply behaves, they are disrespected and treated the same as you were.
________________________________________

Looks can be very deceiving! However, they look happy with their new supply, because they are happy. Just imagine trading your car in for a brand-new shiny car. You would be happy too. Their new supply is giving them the same exact validation that you gave them when you first met.

That happiness that you’re seeing is only temporary, just like it was during the idealization phase with you. Idealization is a form of infatuation which starts intense then as time passes by it will eventually decrease to devaluation and toxicity. They have a new victim who is believing every lie, deception, and manipulation which gives the narcissist new narcissistic supply.

This is actually a high for them, no different than an addict getting a new fresh hit on a drug.
Or a kid getting a new toy, initially they’re happy and excited, but eventually they get bored or lose interest, and the toy gets tossed away.
That scenario is the same for someone who has NPD narcissistic personality disorder.

The happiness that you see from your perspective is only a false reflection of what the narcissist is mirroring from their new supply (let that sink in). The new supply is super ecstatic very happy, and the narcissist copies-mirror his or her behavior.

The happiness that you see is a facade, a mask that they wear temporarily until they show their true colors to the new supply. They tend to use very skillful manipulation, superficial charm, false promises, and future faking to their new supply, as they did with you.

As the new supply smiles with gleam thinking that they have found the one; the narcissist is also internally smiling with gleam, because they have a new supply source to add to their collection. The more the merrier in their delusional mind.

Narcissists are not interested in a healthy life-term potential partnership with anyone. They want or need short-term potential victims or prey, not a healthy relationship. They want a constant flow of attention, validation, adoration, gratification, obedience, pleasure, and loyalty with no reciprocity in which the new supply will be met with that sooner or later.

They want someone who they can control, manipulate, mislead, use and abuse. The new supply makes them feel good about themselves, providing their ego a sweet steady stroke, and that is why the narcissist looks happy with a new supply.
__________________________________

Related:
What happens when you are no longer the narcissist’s supply?

What happens when you're no longer feeding Narcy?

A lot of things will happen, such as:

1. Narcy will hate you with a vengeance.

The fog you've been in will lift…slowly but steadily until it's completely gone.

The good memories you had of Narcy will be hit with the functional reality of what they were…LIES.

You'll get angry. And get over it.

You'll become determined. And get to work.

You'll get down to business of rebuilding you and your life.

You'll learn to gracefully tango away from attempted hoovers while delivering devastating blows of narcissistic injury to ward off future hoover attempts.

You'll heal…mentally, physically, spiritually, financially, and emotionally.

You'll let go of your anger and resentment, but will never change your opinion of Narcy (he simply won't matter anymore).

You'll hold boundaries more firmly than Kilimanjaro. You will tolerate no one who attempts to cross them.

You'll set goals and achieve them.

You'll learn to smile again, laugh again, and love again.

You'll learn to love yourself, respect yourself and walk with grace and dignity.

You'll work on fixing things about you that you don't like.

You'll accept your share of responsibility.

You'll open up sexually and love with sheer reckless abandon, while still maintaining healthy boundaries and your independence.

You'll have your life back…but better than it ever was before.

You'll help other victims thru the murky waters of recovery.

If you've found yourself no longer as Narcy’s supply, count your lucky stars and the graces of God for the freedom and new lease you've been given on life, and then make the most of it!

You're free from hell….the hell of abuse. Don't ever go back to it.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-if-the-narcissist-s-new-supply-is-always-agreeable

[tellomon]

                                                       

[tellomon]

They find another victim. They don’t reflect.
They haven’t changed, they just move on.

WHY THE NARCISSIST
WANTS TO DISRUPT
YOUR HEALING

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quVPk7UD5nk

@marieeakin8534
27 minutes ago
The narc never wants to lose the position of control or feeling they own you.
Disrupting your healing keeps their game going. You moving on is impossible in their twisted mind frame. You know better so continue your healing path....because you need you now!
Be Well

[tellomon]

What/How do narcissists actually think and feel about people they can’t control?

If the narcissist cannot control you, they will either see no use in you, or see you as a threat.

If they do not have to co-exist with you, their best bet is to act as if you do not exist and accept you have nothing to offer them, good or bad. They will move on.

If they do have to co-exist with you, or if for some reason they cannot ignore that you exist, then they will likely see you as a threat. Narcissists see everyone around them as a potential threat, if they cannot avoid the person and are constantly reminded of that person but cannot control them.

The narcissist will test you, in every way possible, with the view to getting a handle over you. They do not want you to be someone who thinks, acts, breathes, or bleeds independently. They must have some form of leverage over you.

Otherwise, you are ‘equals', and that is not ok in the narcissist's books. Because being equals, immediately makes them feel ‘less than'. They must feel ‘more than', and the only way to achieve this..... is control.

When the narcissist has to co-exist with someone and they have absolutely no leverage over that person, it will seriously unnerve them.

It might even keep them up at night, thinking and wondering — how can I get a grip, control, over the person.

And they will really hate you for it, not realising the problem fully resides in them.

Absurd, I know.
___________________________________

They will call them everything in the book. They will treat them badly. But secretly they will have a respect but will never admit it. A supply they cannot control has strength and independence.
They respect themselves.
They trust themselves.

The narcissist admires these qualities because deep down the narc is insecure. This supply is smart and confident and the narcs envies these qualities. The narc knows this supply will find out their lies and will not tolerate their abuse.

These supplies will walk away and never look back.
_________________________________________

Narcissists typically have a deep-seated need for control, admiration, and validation from others. When they encounter individuals who challenge their control or refuse to be manipulated, narcissists may react in various ways based on their individual traits and the specific circumstances.

Here are some common ways narcissists may think and feel about people they can't control:

Frustration and Anger: Narcissists may feel frustrated and angry when they encounter individuals who stand their ground and resist their attempts at manipulation. They may view these individuals as a threat to their sense of control and superiority.

Dismissiveness: Some narcissists may dismiss or belittle individuals who challenge them as a way to protect their fragile ego. They may see these individuals as inferior or unworthy of their attention.

Manipulation Tactics: Narcissists may resort to more covert manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting or guilt-tripping, in an attempt to regain control over those who resist them. They may try to undermine the confidence and self-esteem of these individuals to make them more susceptible to manipulation.

Devaluation: Narcissists may devalue individuals who refuse to comply with their demands or who challenge their authority. They may criticize, insult, or demean these individuals in an attempt to assert their dominance and superiority.

Idealization-Devaluation Cycle: In some cases, narcissists may cycle between idealizing and devaluing individuals who stand their ground. They may initially idealize these individuals for their strength and independence, but when they realize they cannot control them, they may devalue them as a defense mechanism.

Seeking Alternative Sources of Narcissistic Supply: If a narcissist is unable to control a particular individual, they may redirect their efforts towards finding other sources of narcissistic supply that are more compliant and easier to manipulate.

It's important to note that narcissistic behavior exists on a spectrum, and not all individuals with narcissistic traits will react in the same way.
Additionally, the behavior of narcissists can be influenced by various factors, such as their personality, upbringing, and past experiences.

https://www.quora.com/What-how-do-narcissists-actually-think-and-feel-about-people-supplies-they-can-t-control-The-ones-who-stand-their-ground-and-look-for-answers

[tellomon]

What can narcissistic abuse
do to somebody?

Narcissistic abuse has been called "Soul Rape".

It totals the victim- mentally, emotionally, physically. The victim is left completely destroyed. The narcissist steals your time, energy, support network, your sense of self. I had a nervous breakdown.
___________________________________________

It is pure emotional and mental trauma, immensely destructive and nothing but evil.

I was married to a covert narc for 14 years, and I have never experienced abuse and such toxicity as I did with him and his family. I will never be the same person I was before I met and married the narc. The abuse has permanently changed me.

I will never be the same again, but I’m so pissed off at being abused that I’m not going to allow anyone to do that to me again. It is the most damaging thing I’ve ever experienced. My first husband hit me. My second husband tore me to shreds with his mental and verbal abuse. That, to me, was much worse.

I am working on being a better version of myself because the abuse taught me a lot about people and allowed me to separate the good people from the bad.
___________________________________________

My ex pushed at least one person to suicide (an employee). He told me shortly before the funeral that he wasn’t going to go because he didn’t think the family would want him there.
 
I’d seen their emails and I knew how my ex could push people into hating themselves. He is very difficult to interact with (if you’re a target). He told his postpartum depressed ex to kill herself, and has been pushing to break me for the majority of the last 14 years.
It will never work, but in years past I had contemplated it.

I have a nice life, and I’d never contemplated such a thing before. Nor will I again, because I see it all too clearly now and the power is diminished. But I’d never have thought about it in the first place, ever, were it not for the psychological mindf*k I suffered at his hands for so long.

Within the first couple of years I had become a withdrawn, insecure, panicky, confused, tormented, depressed, socially anxious, frustrated, jumbled mess.
I had started to believe I was stupid. I am not.

I had started to believe that I really must have a poor memory. I did not. My memory has been detailed and strong my entire life.

He’d rewrite things so confidently and I’d been so mentally beaten down that I began to believe that maybe I really was remembering wrong, like he said.

Maybe I really did deserve all of those laughing, pitying head pats he’d give me.

Maybe I really was too sensitive when he’d intentionally embarrass me in public - or in front of my own coworkers or family - with a giant grin and then openly admit that it was fun for him.

Maybe it really was my fault that he had a fling with the neighbor across the street and claimed that it was because of received (received!) a harmless and platonic message from an old college classmate I hadn’t seen in years. Maybe that made sense.

Maybe I did deserve it when he’d yell at me in public, maybe it really was okay for him to do the same things he’d crucify me for if I did them, maybe constant criticism was normal, maybe I was selfish for wanting the normal things he’d promised me for years (marriage, two babies), things he himself had promised and later told me I was only thinking about myself for wanting the same things almost everyone in the world wants, and does, because it’s normal to want and to do.

Maybe setting boundaries did mean I deserved retaliation.

It does a number on your outlook, your perspective on the world, your view of yourself. I did not harm myself and I never will, but his abuse won’t stop just because we’re apart and I did reach several very low points during those years when it crossed my mind.

It won’t again, I’m beyond that stage in healing, but I understand why people do.

It’s hell.

https://www.quora.com/What-can-narcissistic-abuse-do-to-somebody

[tellomon]

Can narcissistic abuse kill you?

The stress of narcissistic abuse gave me a heart attack. It almost killed me. Stress is a known killer. Creates all kinds of health issues, from cardiovascular and gastric issues to autoimmune problems.

Stress adds to high blood pressure. It can cause heart attacks and strokes. It adds to anxiety and depression.

Narcissistic abuse is extremely stressful. It kills people. As I stated before it almost killed me. The strain I was under was off the charts.

Let's not forget the people that narcissists push to the point of suicide. I cannot help but think at least part of the time it's intentional.
_______________________________________

If you are with a narcissist long enough, and I can say this with absolute certainty: your soul will die. And that’s all narcissists really want, anyway. Simply, every single aspect, every single atom of you.
________________________________________

Yes, it’s psychological murder. A slow painful death by covert abuse. They don’t even have to pull the trigger. They wait for you to do it for them.
_______________________________________

Yes.

The victim can start having suicidal thoughts and act upon them or their narcissistic abuser can do something violent to them which will put their life in danger.

Constant abuse over years can also become complex trauma which will deteriorate the victim's nervous system and affect their health in many different ways which can ultimately lead to suicidal thoughts (even years after the abuse ended) or complications.

Narcissistic abuse and complex trauma are real and they are never to be taken lightly.
___________________________________

Your beautiful personality is the very core of your being -- They will try to steal as much of it as they can.

You may have actually looked forward to when they would leave; Being alone was better than walking on egg shells. You could breathe easier knowing your every move wasn't being analyzed.

You didn't have to give a reason why you made what you made for dinner, or why you wanted or didn't want to watch a show. You didn't have to justify what you were wearing. You could talk to your friends and family freely. Your parenting decisions weren't undermined. Your housekeeping wasn't criticized.

There was no one to argue with... You could relax for a little bit, and recharge for the next battle when they came back home...

A narcissist has a lot of built-up resentment toward their significant other. They know that they are reliant on you for validation. However, they crave variety and are easily bored. As a result, they blame you for "tying them down" to a monotonous and mundane lifestyle.

This creates in them a great deal of anger towards you, because they do not want to rely on you, yet know that they must in order to get the validation that they so desperately need. They do not respect you, because they know you put up with a lot of abuse from them. You have done nothing wrong, but be overly giving and nurturing. Yet, they are angry with you and they blame you for all of their unhappiness...

Narcissists are such hypocrites that they pretend to have morals, standards, feelings, and a conscience, but they possess none of these. They will lie, insult, cheat, abuse, and disrespect you, but in return they will expect fidelity, respect, and all of your time and energy to be spent on them. They can do whatever they want, whenever they want, but you are to remain loyal and perfect at all times.

Narcissists have no boundaries. They feel entitled to say whatever they feel is true, and litter their opinions, whether it's rude, hurtful, or not true at all. They will then get angry when you defend yourself and blame you for causing "drama."

This isn't healthy, it's toxic... And, definitely not love...
______________________________________

Yes.

Any sort (or mix) of Cluster B disordered abuse can kill people outright, psychologically injure them severely enough for suicide to look like a rational option or, with a really devious abuser, end in death from lack of care when the target is ill.

My first husband, a fully aware and malignant narcissist, the latter 2 options were tried, with a lack of success, thank God. And I haven’t the smallest doubt that, if he’d come up with a foolproof scheme to murder me, he would have tried that. He had no conscience and no humanity at all. I think of him as The Evil Alien.

My second and current (covert communal cerebral) un-self-aware husband is very different from him in presentation, so much so that even after 9 years of single living after surviving husband #1, my warning bells failed to go off and he swept me to the altar in record time. My bad.

Like everything else about him, his abuse is lower-key than the first one’s. But the cumulative effect is still despair. And when he and one of his crushes tag-teamed me 20+ years ago, I once again found myself thinking seriously about checking out. I was saved by a garden shed, as I’ve written about elsewhere, and thus lived long enough to find Quora. But it was a near thing and no one should ever underestimate the destructive power of a disordered person. They can be, and frequently are, DEADLY.
___________________________________________

Yes !

That is their goal.

Narcissists want you DEAD.

They want you DESTROYED.

And they want to be responsible for your death (and don’t want anyone to know they were responsible).

They enjoy watching you slowly die inside from the various health ailments their abuse causes that will completely vanish if you leave them.

They enjoy you getting sick to the point that you no longer want to live.

They enjoy every minute of it.

And when you’re dead, they'll love the attention from people they'll receive over your dead body.

This is who they are.
This is who you are dealing with.
This is how serious this can end up if you don’t get out of the relationship.

https://www.quora.com/Can-narcissistic-abuse-kill-you

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Narcissists don't want your help----they want narcissistic supply. They will play the part of a willing patient until they’ve hooked you into giving them endless supply.
Accepting That You Cannot
Help Narcissists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFz5q8YkL-4

@carolloraine223
5 years ago
They DON'T want help!!!
Its not our responsibility to change them.
Move on!!!

[tellomon]

They are never wrong. You are.
Narcissists & Emotional Reasoning

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO0lThpiuqM

@kiefajordan6039
2 years ago
YOUR feelings are nothing them, THEIR feelings are facts to them.

 
@PolarBearPredator
2 years ago
So in short they are completely insane.


@masquarra
2 years ago
2+2=35 is how the narcissists calculate.

@manapeace
2 years ago
Great explanation of what I call “solution skipping”… rather than examining multiple solutions to find the optimal one for a particular problem, they dig their heels into a single solution… and better suggestions are a threat to their ego.


@na2869
2 years ago
They do this cuz that’s what they do to other people so they assume u think that way too.
They often say & do things intentionally to hurt u so u must be doing that to them.
Since they operate this way, they believe everyone else does too….


@JollyCelery
2 years ago
This was the constant refrain in my ex relationship!  Every single thing I said or did was designed to humiliate, embarrass or upset him.  His poor  self esteem and miserable existence was always my fault.  The constant accusations thrown at you by these people are soul crushing.

@sarahrobertson634
2 years ago
Why bother interacting with someone who falsely accuses you all the time?  Just walk away.

[tellomon]

Narcissists do not stay for very long around people with excellent boundaries.
How To Reveal Hidden Narcissists In Your Life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtWtTYTbKpg

[tellomon]

NO is a fantastic test for disordered people.
What Happens When You Tell
A Narcissist "No".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB5I6G7jvVs

What happens when you tell a narcissist NO?

The center of gravity realigns the earth's axis and life as you know it will be vastly different.

If the narcissist is someone who wants the thing being asked for very badly they may attempt several tactics. Depends on what has worked in the past and how badly they want it.

A narcissistic person is all about the end product. They want what they want and feel entitled to have it.

They will ask, beg, manipulate, bribe, guilt, any possible tactic to get what they want even up to stealing an object. And in thier mind, if you had just given them the thing, they wouldn't have had to steal it in the first place. So the theft would be YOUR fault.

Now if theft is impossible, you have said no, and you intend to stick to it, plan to be busy. They will continue to bug you and annoy you about it, they are very tenacious, especially if they feel that you are the only one who can provide the thing. They will call, text, email, smoke signal whatever they can do to ask for and get it. So don't be available.

Now if the time has passed for the thing to be acquired. Say it's the day after a concert they wanted. The band is gone and concert is over. The narcissist WON'T be over it. You ruined their life and they hate you. You could have let them go but you didn't and now you will PAY.

Nobody does vindictive like a narcissistic person. They will have plenty of verbal digs, silent treatment, pretty much any way possible to inform the world they are mad. They sometimes spread rumors and their anger will at times inflate the situation or provide details that didn't actually happen in the story. Consider the worst toddlers tantrum you ever saw.

Now add adult size and strength, add cunning, add social media so they can crucify you in public as well, and add some adult intelligence because they even attempt to draw some of your friends away from you.

Narcissistic people are not good friends. Try a rabid badger instead. They are less vindictive and somewhat friendlier. Sooner or later EVERYONE will have to say no to a narcissistic person. That's why they tend to have different friends all the time. The last friend said no and was effectively replaced by the new sucker.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-when-you-tell-a-narcissist-NO

[tellomon]

@ronaldculley
0 seconds ago
Narc: "Are you going to be nice to me?"
Me: "Are you going to respect me?"

Narcissists Are Fragile
(And It Makes Them MORE Dangerous, Not Less)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hZiTkPKCB0

[tellomon]

Pride Mural DEFACED AGAIN,
Woke Leftists LOSE IT After People DESECRATE
Neo-Com Woke Flag AGAIN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5taSAMAOrs

@ronaldculley
12 minutes ago
Defund Paint!
Arrest tires!


@SuitorASMR
16 hours ago
Maybe if they stopped putting their stupid flags ON THE ROAD people would stop DRIVING over them.


@angela-bc5ym
13 hours ago
Stepping On a pride flag 5 years in jail. Sexual assault on a child 5 months. This world is evil.

[tellomon]

Miserable is an understatement.
Narcissists Are Chronically Miserable

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtAMd9hcC08&t=11s

@Ruby0465
2 years ago
I'm starting to believe that the older they get,  the more intolerable they get.  They just start snapping out of the blue for no reason...very scary.


@GullerudGallery
2 years ago
It's why I can't HATE them. Just avoid them as much as possible.


@MichaelSmith-jz7xg
1 year ago
Unless you are willing and able to join them in their misery, there’s really nothing you can do but throw up your hands and walk away.


@nanakwakudadeyakrofi2977
1 year ago
The more you learn about them the less you hate them and more you just pity them.

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Being with these types of people is like building your house on top of quicksand.
That Was Then, This Is Now:
Instability In Narcissistic Relationships

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Q8zJHDTre4

@goodgracious6364
3 years ago (edited)
One minute a narc can literally be thanking God for you, then the very next minute they can literally be sneering at you like you're the most disgusting person they've ever known--just because you disagreed with them about something minor! 
   It can shake you to the core and cause the hair to stand up on your arms.  It takes you aback because you will be wondering if you're dealing with the same person.  Then when you ask the narc what's going on, they just stare at you like they don't know what YOUR problem is!


@warorislam
3 years ago
A narcissist society is work harder not smarter.
They don't contribute to better a society because it thrives on chaos and confusion.


@geraldpomerantz4664
3 years ago
In 24 hours she went from "I want to make our relationship work" to "I don’t want a relationship with you" -phone hang up.
   You gotta block these crazies and save yourself! DO IT NOW!!!

[tellomon]

It’s so insane how they expect the world from someone while giving less than nothing in return.
Do Narcissists Love Other People?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8keyquAt6Tw

@suckafree6195
3 years ago (edited)
I knew who I was dealing with when my replacement dumped him and he posted “ today I lost the “thing” I love the most”. I had some closure that day. He also would say “I known you for so long, for you to leave me it hurts me”. Never did he say “I love you”. Horrible disorder they have. End of the relationship I didn’t even want revenge. I realized that he is his worse enemy. My revenge is that I’m capable of authentic feelings. He gets to live his life in fear of exposure.

@ruxandraserbanescu9831
3 years ago
“Narcissists love utility not identity “. If you have an identity you are more likely to feel instantly the dissonance in the narcissist and disengage;  thank you


@vibehigh5280
3 years ago
Sometimes truth hurts, but that's better than living in an illusions. It will heal.


@blessOTMA
3 years ago
They are so self absorbed, they never get to a place where there is another person.

[tellomon]

I love when a narcissist stops talking to me! I call that sweet peace!
The 3 Reasons Narcissists
Discard People

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie61BrtGeEY

@catalinaroses2298
5 years ago
His discard of me was so very painful.  It happened when I trusted and loved him the most.  Now, after nearly 2 years since he discarded me (and learning about narcissism soon after the discard), I am so grateful that he made it an easy way out for me of that fake relationship.  I knew he didn’t love me.  My life is better without the drama and triangulation and his irrational jealousy of my child.  Good riddance!!!

[tellomon]

I think a person's life experiences are very different when the first bully they encounter is their parent.
3 Painful Things Every Narcissistic Abuse Survivor Says

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-E4Rx89ZunI

@lindat1317
1 hour ago
That was the hardest—I wasn’t “me” anymore.  Everything I said I’d Never do, I did.  I didn’t recognize myself and my family didn’t recognize me.  By the time of discard, I was just a shell of myself.  I’m so glad I was stronger than I thought and although broken and scarred, I built myself back up and can spot that crazy in a nanosecond now.  Never again.


@elizabethborson1739
1 hour ago
I grew up with a narcissistic sister so it wasn’t a surprise.  When I left home at 20 years old, I thought I had escaped.  No, My first boyfriend was a narcissist, my first husband was and my second husband is a narcissist.  At least now I know what kind of people they are.


@ronaldculley
0 seconds ago
I'm hangin' Tuff, standing my ground. I am crippled but I'm not broken. Vids like this keep me centered. I Blog my studies.
https://www.ozroundtable.com/index.php?topic=8312.0

[tellomon]

MEME TEST: Combining Pieces

[tellomon]

Narcs are the most pathetic creatures on Earth.

The main thing narcissists
dislike and fear about you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHs7wd6THSI

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Who is Maria Consiglio?

As of my last knowledge cutoff date in September 2021, I don't have any information about a notable figure named Maria Consiglio. It's possible that she may have gained prominence or become the subject of memes, quotes, and phrases after that date. It's also possible that Maria Consiglio is a fictional character or a persona created for internet memes and jokes.

If Maria Consiglio has become well-known after 2021, I recommend conducting a search on popular social media platforms, websites, or forums to see if there is more information available about her. Additionally, checking online sources and forums where these memes, quotes, and phrases are being shared might provide more context about who she is and why she has become a popular subject of discussion.
___________________________________

I believe she is someone who is very in touch with reality and has opened up my eyes on a few demons that were disguised as people who cared and I appreciate her tremendously because my whole life I thought it was me that was the deranged one when all along it was those demons messing with me.
_______________________________________

I am in the same boat. I cannot find anything about her other than quotes/memes. She is very spot on, but I’d love to know more (is she an author, therapist, etc), her quotes always hit home.
_______________________________________

Her quotes about narcissists are always spot-on. If she’s a therapist, or author, I’d be interested in knowing her professional (contact) information.
I haven’t found anything specific yet either.
___________________________________________

I looked her up.

She's an amazing therapist specializing in relationships and personal growth. The quotes that she actually writes will have her name on them, or just have her logo. She's on Instagram. I found her there.

https://www.instagram.com/understandingthenarc/?hl=en

"I found her on YouTube".

https://www.youtube.com/@mariaconsiglio2033

**************************

https://www.quora.com/Who-is-Maria-Consiglio-I-see-a-lot-memes-quotes-and-phrases-by-her-and-would-like-to-know-who-she-is-Can-anyone-shed-any-light-on-it-please

[tellomon]

Narcissists don’t talk to you. They talk at you.
DO THIS When Narcissist Talks
to You!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLxCUhjGMj0&t=43s

[tellomon]

The fact they target certain people is enough proof of awareness for me. They are target based individuals, they have a plan and execute it, and then you.
Are Narcissists Mentally Ill?
Short answer: "YES"!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d76v-GUEGEQ

@MellyMae44
4 years ago
Of course they know the difference between right and wrong. My narc husband can be sickeningly sweet to people in public, but a profanity-screaming, object-throwing psycho behind closed doors.

And then the neighbors call the police because of 48 straight hours of screaming. He tells me before opening the door to the police, "Well, I hope you are happy," as if it's MY temper tantrum that the neighborhood got sick of listening to.

Then he turns on the charm and opens the door, seemingly confused as to why the cops are at our door, trying to charm them/joke with them like he's such a nice guy. They give truly Oscar worthy performances when they know they are being found out.

[tellomon]

What is Narcissistic
Gift Giving?

Gift-giving is a gesture used to express feelings of care, appreciation, or love towards someone.

However, what happens when this act gets entwined with manipulative intentions and why would someone use such a beautiful gesture for their benefit?

Here, we will understand  - a murky corner of narcissistic relationships that is worth understanding for better self-care and personal growth.

https://www.judgeanthony.com/blog/what-is-narcissistic-gift-giving