Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

@ronaldculley
0 seconds ago
HEY!! Are you listening to this??? IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. I got my own problems with fake guilt.

Narcissists Play
Power Games

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9Zq5fVPtx0&t=1095s



Page 17             

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Why will a narcissist
leave you forever?

You gained a lot of weight, lost your teeth, went bald, had trouble with your private parts, lost all your money, don't have any friends, and now you live in a dumpster. You were told you have an illness that can't be cured, and the last time anyone saw you, you were begging the narcissist not to leave. It's pretty certain this would happen unless the narcissist thought you were lying, and they could take all the credit for your problems.

With a narcissist, when they say "forever" or "never," it might only last a short time, like a few hours or days. For example, they might say, "I never want to talk to you again," but then call you just two hours later and say, "You never tried to call me." Or they might say, "I never want to see you again," and then a month later, find you and say, "It's been forever since you saw me."

There are three words that narcissists use a lot that should make you worried: 'forever,' 'never,' and 'always.' When they say these things, it's like a warning sign.
_______________________________________

Simple, all you have to do is have no more resources for them to rampage through or rape. They can't handle having no money or having you use their money. Narcissist are very selfish people!

In the beginning of a relationship they may seem like they are very giving and genuine but it's all a show. All they really care about is what you have, which is way more in the end what they ever give you. They're just out to use everything up you have and that's it. Then, once all your resources are gone, they move on to greener pastures.

https://www.quora.com/Why-will-a-narcissist-leave-you-forever

[tellomon]

Is it really difficult to
live alone?

Wow, not at all! I think it’s far more difficult to live with others. I work any hour of the day or night and sleep when I’m tired. I eat when I want, what I want, and I have long stretches of quiet time to do my work. I’m on Zoom calls at any hour and I never have to bother someone when I get up to go in the office. Everything is always right where I left it, and laundry can happen at any hour. I’m a bit of a neat freak so straightening up the house can happen at any hour.

I can sing off key if I want. (I don’t.) I have a dog who loves to play and we’ll get a good chase going in the middle of the night. There are moments when I’ll get up to go outside to hear the owls in the middle of the night or look at the stars. I have armadillos here and they don’t see well or frighten easily so I’ll go out at night and get fairly close.

I’ve lived with others and I remember sneaking off in the middle of the night to the living room to write or to get some work done. I don’t have to do any of that.

I don’t know why anyone would think it’s difficult to live alone. It’s way easier.
_____________________________________

I love living alone.

I love the silence, beauty and symmetry of my house.

I love sleeping in the middle of the bed, sometimes diagonally.

I love setting up my own rhythm, reading far into the night, writing early in the morning, opening the fridge and calling an apple with peanut butter "dinner".

I love getting a bowl of fruit and flowers for the dining room table.

When I wake up on Sunday mornings I lie there still and feel the cadence of my own heartbeats and know I have a beautiful day stretched out before me, with a sky that is blue and crisp and anything but empty.

I think everyone should live alone at least once in their life.
___________________________________

Whether living alone is difficult or not can vary greatly from person to person. Some individuals find living alone to be liberating, empowering, and enjoyable as it allows them to have independence, privacy, and control over their living space. They may appreciate the ability to make decisions without having to consider others and find solace in the peace and quiet that living alone can provide.

However, for others, living alone can be challenging. It may lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and a lack of social interaction, especially if one is used to living with others or being surrounded by people. Additionally, managing all aspects of daily life, such as cooking, cleaning, and paying bills, can become overwhelming for some individuals when they live alone.

The key factors that determine whether living alone is difficult for a person include their personality, support system, social needs, coping mechanisms, and overall well-being. It's important to prioritize self-care, maintain social connections, and seek support if needed when living alone to ensure a positive and fulfilling living experience.

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-really-difficult-to-live-alone

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

The FAILURE FILES
A Ron Tello Studios Production

               

https://www.ozroundtable.com/index.php?topic=83

[tellomon]

WHAT THE NEW SUPPLY WILL BE EXPERIENCING

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ns2FFJSMBk

@TanjaT-od4nw
6 hours ago
Narcissist as a wolf in sheep's clothing.:
"If you feel sad, I  can eat you."


@JulieShah-in7zz
6 hours ago
New supply or supplies were sat in the wings waiting. Probably totally unaware they are about to enter one of the most toxic abusive relationships of their life. I have to accept he will be destroying more lives... women and children....I feel desperate for them.


@maryolinger9465
6 hours ago
God bless the new supply as they unknowingly encounter the eventual toxicity!! Andrew -Thank you for these educational sessions!! All folks please heed Andrew's unparalleled knowledge, wisdom and instruction about these narcissistic topics!! Love and encouragement to you Andrew and all community folks!!

[tellomon]

Are narcs scared to be alone?

               

I would say so. Many are essentially scared/abandoned children living in adult bodies. Some do isolate, as they genuinely struggle with tolerating criticism, any form of rejection. Narcissists are painfully sensitive human beings. The external world presents a major threat to narcissists, yet they are highly dependent on the external world.

Some do carry a very strong fear of abandonment, and genuinely believe that everyone will leave them. Sadly, they sabotage themselves and bring on the very thing that they fear. The false self is a protective shield. Their attempts to avoid abandonment are entirely dysfunctional.

I believe that many experience a profound sense of loneliness, but they do not know how to do mature/committed romantic relationships. Their insecurity drives them. They do not possess the social/emotional skills necessary to function as healthy relationship partners. Their brains did not develop as they should have.

As a result, they must put on an act. They cannot bond, cannot connect in the ways that we can. They are developmentally arrested. I have some level of empathy for them, as I can only imagine what they feel within on a daily basis.

I believe that they deeply resent their dependence on others/the external world, but cannot do much about it. Some feel entirely empty without “adequate” narcissistic supply, so I imagine that their “good feelings” escape them very often. There is no stability.

Although this may be a rather unpopular opinion, I believe that they are controlled by the fear of abandonment once they have idealized someone. I felt a great deal of desperation in the covert’s people-pleasing/love-bombing behaviors.

I could tell that he was desperate to be liked, to be approved of. I do not think that he believed he could keep someone around, keep someone coming back without putting on a show of (fake) generosity. What I experienced was a frenzy of giving.

I experienced the child who was desperately seeking approval and acceptance, even if it meant pretending to be who he was not. The child who was frequently criticized and negatively judged. The child who felt entirely defective and inadequate.

I experienced his failed mirroring attempts, as they were very obvious when I was face-to-face with him. It really did remind me of a child who is desperately trying to fit in, imitating his/her peers, trying to gain approval.

I experienced the adult man who is angry with the world, angry with how he was made to feel during his childhood, angry with women for overlooking him and rejecting him, obsessed with trying to prove himself.

The adult man who is ashamed of his deficits/shortcomings, his lack of accomplishment. The adult man who is far too hard on himself. The adult man who is consumed with envy, always comparing himself to others.

He claimed superiority over me when I rejected him (the rejection was well-deserved), which demonstrated that his grandiosity was truly a defense. I believe that his destructive defenses protected him as a child, helped him to cope with an emotionally painful childhood. I am not inadequate. You are inadequate. I am not defective. You are defective. I am not inferior. You are inferior.

Deep down, he is still carrying the negative voices of those who brought him down as a child. He is carrying negative core beliefs. He anticipates rejection and abandonment. Vulnerability was dangerous as a child. He was frequently emotionally invalidated.

I believe that the narcissist very often engages in projection. The narcissist is essentially dumping his/her shame, insecurities, childhood pain, negative core beliefs onto you. The narcissist is essentially labeling you with his/her negative and unwanted traits/qualities.You become the parts of the narcissist that he/she desires to disown.

I once felt a sadness in the room while I was preparing to go back home. I looked over toward him. He was in a fetal-like position with his eyes closed. I sat back on the bed and gave him a hug, reached out and touched his hand. He grabbed onto my hand with an intensity that felt very genuine. It surprised me at the time, and I genuinely felt bad for having to leave.

I could feel an intense desperation when I chose to close the door on him for good. I could feel the pain of his inner child, the pain of not knowing how to get his needs met, the pain of his childhood. Our last conversation may never entirely leave me. I sometimes regret accepting his phone call, but the conversation helped to strengthen my decision to abandon ship.

I really had to fight myself after that conversation, as I was very aware of what was going on within him by that time. He unknowingly confirmed all that I had sensed, all that I had picked up on. How can you trust someone who will always put themselves, their feelings, their needs ahead of you? You cannot stay open to someone like that. You must protect yourself, your heart. Put your compassion to the side and preserve your mental/emotional health.
__________________________________

In my experience, narcissists do not like being alone.

Narcissists have lots of demons inside, more than most people. Narcissists are unable to face these demons, come to terms with them, and shift them into a better place by doing inner work and healing. They simply are incapable of doing this.

These demons are running loose inside the narcissist, out of control.

Instead, narcissists try and suppress their demons. But suppressing the demons can cause a lot of internal pressure to build up. Hence, they need a target to project these demons onto.

The only way the narcissist can relieve the pressure of the demons, is through projection. Otherwise the narcissists implode from the pressure, and obviously they can't have that.

Therefore, narcissists struggle being alone, because being alone means they are without a scapegoat to project their demons onto.

They need someone to take the pressure off them, and absorb this. In other words, they need someone to take on their pain… their demons. (HINT: new supply)

And this person should always be at their service.

https://www.quora.com/Are-narcs-scared-to-be-alone?no_redirect=1

[tellomon]

What is behind a narcissist’s mask?

A narcissist is a broken human operating in emergency mode in which every now and then there is a short circuit and burnout of subsequent circuits. Narcissist is a broken robot who blames everyone for what he/she does.

Control, deception and manipulation are the essence of his existence. Behind the mask there is dirt, emptiness, a black hole, contempt, hatred, evil in its purest form.

An incomplete asymmetrical smile that a narcissist will give you at times when a normal person would not smile. Behind the mask is an absent, predatory blank stare without expression, dilated pupils like demon eyes. Behind the mask hides darkness, pain and suffering, the need to fit in with the crowd and spill the pain onto others.

Behind the mask is lack of love, lack of honor and respect. Behind the mask hides a monster, a demon. Behind the mask is insecurity, low self-esteem, abomination, complete lack of moral principles, lack of compassion, lack of conscience and lack of remorse, fear, shame, anger, sarcasm and irony, delusions, fear of abandonment and rejection, meanness, shame, madness , wickedness, envy, selfishness, lack of empathy, conscious choice of evil.

A narcissist is a parasite and over time you start to see him/her for who he/she really is and not for what he/she pretends to be.
______________________________________

I have spent the majority of my life amongst narcissists. Let me tell you what I learnt:

Sheer evil is definitely behind that mask

You will be played in a very unique way. Played so that this evil being extracts from you the required supply

Someone that will create unique damages to your health, emotions and mental well being.

Someone that will destroy your important relationships for you

Someone completely devoid of any moral values

Played for own advantage. And you will most probably be discarded in the most harshest of ways.

Become smart please. Cut them off your lives. That is only when you start to experience peace and start your healing journey.

It is crucial for each and every single human being inhabiting planet Earth to know this important information. The way planet Earth is devolving, we are all bound to meet narcissists one day or another.
_______________________________________

A narcissist is someone who is broken inside and acts in a panicked and erratic way. Sometimes, their mind gets overwhelmed and causes them to break down even more. They blame others for their actions and don't take responsibility for themselves.

They thrive on controlling, deceiving, and manipulating others. Underneath their confident facade, there's darkness, emptiness, and a deep hatred. They wear an unsettling smile that's different from a normal person's smile. Behind their mask, their eyes show no emotion, like the eyes of a predatory creature.

Inside, they lack love, honor, and respect. They hide their true self, which is like a monster or demon. They are insecure, have low self-esteem, and lack moral principles, compassion, conscience, and remorse. They feel fear, shame, anger, and jealousy. They can be mean, selfish, and lack empathy. They make conscious choices to do evil things.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-behind-a-narcissist-s-mask

[tellomon]

Top 10 Behaviors and Traits of The FEMALE Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mNsvKgZxHQ

@decipher8057
29 minutes ago
Stop talking about my mom.


@kristinaprice8727
1 hour ago
You nailed my mum.

@kristinaprice8727
1 hour ago
Entitled to take your life as she gave it.

[tellomon]

The only way to win the game is to stop playing
Stop Letting Narcissists
Destroy Your Peace

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZHZ6sR3PdE

[tellomon]

Only victims of narcissistic abuse will truly understand, and even we are shaking our heads in disbelief. We get it and yet we don’t. It’s truly unbelievable the new lows these people will go to.
Narcissists Have
No Limits

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mRK2f99eF0

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

"Whilst I was Channel Surfing, I found this Jem of a Psycho Narc on the move."

                                  I blame the mother...

The Strangler - Official Trailer |
 1964

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLm2HhhnlA0

Storyline

Leo Kroll, a lab technician in a large unnamed city, is responsible for the strangulation murders of several young nurses. He feels that in some twisted way, he is getting back at his overbearing shrew of a mother. Leo also kills the nurse who is taking care of his mother in the rest home she is staying at. As a result, Mrs. Kroll dies from a heart attack. He also kills an arcade worker whom he feels can identify him.
___________________________________

@searchforthestrangler5034
9 months ago (edited)
A fine movie made at the time when the real Strangler had still not been captured in Boston.
________________________________

Buono Showcase
dougdoepke12 May 2013

It's a Buono showcase. His restrained portrait of an unattractive, mother-hating serial killer is a grabber. No wonder he loathes his bed-ridden mom. Obviously, she's brow-beaten him his whole life, taking what little self-esteem he ever had.

Now, at thirty, he lumbers around like a fat rhino among sleek gazelles, picking off single women one-by-one and leaving cheap arcade dolls in their place.

Somehow in his twisted mind, however, she won't stay dead. No matter how many times he kills her, there she is back again in her bed, making whining demands. He's almost a figure of pity as much as loathing, and it's to actor Buono's credit that he manages to create the difficult mix.

I like the cops here, especially Sgt. Clyde (Barron). They come across more like real cops than the usual. At the same time, their interviews with suspect Kroll (Buono) are little gems of thrust and parry. Director Topper films in straightforward fashion, without the sinister lighting that might be expected, but with good judicious use of close-up.

This is not a slasher-type movie. In fact, despite the lurid material, the movie comes across more like a dark psychological study than a horror film, thanks mainly to Buono's shrewdly calculated performance and Topper's refusal to play up the violence.
________________________________________

FEATURED REVIEW
6/10

Forgotten Thriller

This low budget effort with Victor Buono ought to be some sort of cult classic but somehow has fallen off the radar. While not quite a proto-slasher, the film's protagonist has several of the tropes that distinguish the genre: psycho-sexual disfunction with an Oedipal basis; social awkwardness/sexual frustration with the opposite sex, and a kinky fetish, this time out for carnival-prize dolls.

No blood or gore (that's why the film is called "The Strangler" instead of "The Slasher"), but there is an approach to the sexual element of what Buono's character does that must have been daring at the time: Buono's climaxing as he undresses one of the dolls he won at the arcade is no less shocking for the fact that we only see his reaction in close up from the neck up.

There's also a police procedural element that gives the hint of a giallo, although the film hardly suggests that genre in style or design. An intriguing character study of a disturbed individual operating in broad daylight that deserves a bigger audience than it has.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058622/?ref_=tt_mv_close

[tellomon]

Of course they constantly act as the "victim" and constantly claim you're the villain. Because  "You are only rebellious in the eyes of those who can't manipulate or control you."
Why The Narcissist HATES
You! Personalities Narcissists
Do Not Like Whatsoever!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRKm_M3ZKJk

[tellomon]

They hate themselves thru you.
Yes, The Narcissist
Hates You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzwFk9LzU6A

[tellomon]

It’s amazing how nice and charming they are in the beginning. It’s amazing how good at faking the way they feel until they realize that you love them. Once they know you’ve fallen in love it’s all over. Their true self started coming out!
Yes, Narcissists Can Change - Here's How

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Y0A4GxX5Io

"The best hope for a narc is no hope at all."

[tellomon]

          

[tellomon]

"They aren't looking for a partnership or trying to build a life with someone. They are looking for someone who will do things solely for them."
Discarded By The Narcissist: Why It Happens, What to Do About It

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTHQezVsq1g

@7superswede
5 years ago
''The narcissist is stuck with the person they hate THE MOST; themselves''- BRILLIANT!!!


@elizabethparker9507
5 years ago
Never give them the time of any day ever again


@ifeanyiarua9856
4 years ago
You can never make them happy no matter what

[tellomon]

With narcissist it's like the old saying "Damned if you do and damned if you don't".

Narcissistic Relationships: Can You Be
The Perfect Supply ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aj_DIQoBbWU

[tellomon]

Is it because narcissist can't feel the love, that's why they keep torturing people in hope of making people show how much they love them and hoping that they can feel something?

You’re talking about someone that is typically not conscious of their feelings or motivations. Narcissists DO “feel the love”, or what they think is love. Most of them do not fully realize that they are not experiencing love in a “normal” way. If what you feel is all you have ever felt or known, how would you know that it isn’t normal?

When you say “hoping that they can feel something”, you’re implying that narcissists don’t feel anything. Narcissists experience intense emotions. They feel plenty, they just feel it in a disordered way.

When a narcissist idealizes someone and that person falls in love with them, it feels like love. The narcissist truly believes that they are in love. They feel validated and important and it is a satisfying, intense, euphoric experience. They “torture” people when that fantasy crumbles.

They think it’s the other person’s fault.

They don’t realize that they were never actually in love and they don’t realize that they had ridiculous expectations that were doomed to fail. They are angry and disappointed. So they punish you. It has nothing to do with trying to get anything out of you. They’re just angry that you didn’t fulfill their perfect fantasy.

When they manipulate you, they are trying to put their world back in order. They are trying to get you to read their script, whatever that script is, so they can believe what they want to believe and feel what they want to feel. Their life is like a movie about them, and you are a character in the movie.

You are supposed to read your script in order to tell the story that they have already written. If they are torturing you in an effort to get you to do something, it’s because you aren’t reading your script correctly and you are messing up their story.
___________________________________

If I’m reading this question correctly - and perhaps I am not - I am trying to identify what kind of person would think or believe that torture is an effective means to force a person to love them.

Narcissists don’t think or believe that. Narcissists are remarkably logical, usually analytical and quick to grasp a situation. Besides, they aren’t necessarily looking for love the way most people understand it, they are looking for a proxy of love, in the form of admiration, status and an absence of criticism. That’s what love looks like to a narcissist.

They know - as most “normals” do as well - that torture is not likely to get them what they want. They’re not stupid. They are observant and they can quickly figure out if you are going to be able to give them what they need and want, and be consistent about it.

If you feel that you are being “tortured” by a narcissist, it’s because you failed to provide the admiration, status and support for their self-esteem.

I think your question is one big ball of projection. It is not the way a narcissist thinks in spite of what you might have read on Quora or seen on Youtube.

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-because-narcissist-cant-feel-the-love-thats-why-they-keep-torturing-people-in-hope-of-making-people-show-how-much-they-love-them-and-hoping-that-they-can-feel-something

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists act like they don’t want you when they do?

Because they are spoiled, selfish, brats. They only ‘want you’ as long as you provide them w/some service (supply). They do not care about you. They want you to want them. They want you to be available for them whenever they want. They want you to give give give.

But - they don’t want YOU! It is not and “act”. It is who/what they are. You are nothing more to them than something to use at their whim.
____________________________________

Because, they do not want you.

I can feel into why you are asking this question and I am sorry to be the bus that hits.

A narcissist does not want you once they ‘have’ you and that is normally during if not right after the ‘love bomb’ session ends..

Once had, you are done, spent, in the bag.

They act indifferent to you from that moment onwards, with, maybe some crumbs here and there to keep you hot on their tail.

In reality, they couldn’t wouldn’t give a sh!t about you if you were to drop off the face of the earth.. There are other people to take your place.

You see, the life of a narcissist is only ever lived through the eyes of the ones that adore them.... Makes them feel big, powerful, the almighty.

Might sound like I am exaggerating in the above statement.. sorely, sadly, I do not.

The best way to counteract a narcissist who acts like they don’t want you, is to close the chapter for them and not act like you don’t want them, but to mean it.
____________________________________

The truth is, they don’t want you.

Not long-term, anyway. You are replaceable, don’t convince yourself otherwise. These disordered people have no attachment to people. They are always looking for the next thing. They don’t want you. The sooner you understand and accept that, the sooner you can extract yourself from this very abusive and eventual heart-destroying situation. xo
___________________________________

It’s their typical manipulative control tactics to keep you hooked and confused. It’s not really you they want, rather the needs you can fill for them. Also the validation that they’re superior and winning at whatever game they’ve cooked up to prove it.

Always be skeptical of how they appear or present themselves. It’s often the opposite of what’s underneath. Ignore words and appearances, actions more accurately display true intentions eventually.

https://explorenarcissism.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-act-like-they-don-t-want-you-when-they-do

[tellomon]

Will the narcissist abuse the new supply?

A narcissist abuses anyone and everyone that gets close. The reason they “love-bomb” a person is to make them dependent and submissive. Someone who falls in love with a narcissist will sometimes put up with a lot. Most partners of narcissists are not aware their partner is involved with anyone else.

Narcissists need people because they are sometimes willing to provide the aggrandizement that they crave. They do not actually “fall in love” because they are incapable of attaching to another human being in a meaningful way.

Yes, the narcissist will abuse the “new supply”.
__________________________________

Yes, absolutely.

They will use the same tactics as they used on you, or possibly worse, as they’ve learned new things after you. It’s also why you’ll almost for sure get hoovered, as they devalue the replacement, and they will still need attention. They will carpet bomb old supply to see who might come back for another round. This will also be used to triangulate and torture the replacement.
____________________________________

Every single human being gets treated the same by the NPD.

They follow a predictable pattern. It’s not something that they plan; it’s just something that happens, basically without their will. At least they are not conscious about it. I will clear those things up... keep reading.

Their pattern is:

Idealization aka Love Bombing or obsession-Basically when this happens, the NPD starts to get obsessed with the new person, because the new person brings them excitement. They crave on drama and excitement, and they constantly stroke their ego. This is the closest the NPD will ever feel like being in love. Basically in reality what happens is the Narcissist is not loving the victim, they are incapable of love.

Emotional/Affectionate Empathy, they simply love the way the victim makes them feel about themselves, it’s all about them. Idealization is an unconscious process that just happens. Imagine a kid buying his favorite jacket, and getting obsessed with the jacket, the kid on his mindset thinks that he loves the jacket, he has no idea that he is obsessing over that jacket, however keep in mind the kid loves the way the jacket makes him look.

Devaluation- After a period of time the kid starts to get bored of the jacket. This happens consciously. Would the kid have imagined that he would get bored of his favorite jacket?
 
Absolutely not, it just happens.

The narcissist gets bored of the victim and the relationship ends in here. They almost never discard, they just vanish. Now the victim was on pedestal and living on cloud 9, suddenly the person that they loved vanished and disappeared. The person that they loved started going cold on them, ignoring them, being less affectionate, showing no interest, while the victim is left on addicted to their love.

Now this is where the things gets tricky. The victim starts to beg, plead, cling for their one inch of attention while they are bored and they keep ignoring. The victim constantly calls them on their toxic behavior. This opens up the victim's vulnerabilities and the narcissist manipulates, refuting everything that they did. The victim keeps sticking to their side constantly seeking for a closure, answers and something that never existed.

How are they supposed to give you answers when they have no idea what is going on, when they never felt the things you felt because they are incapable of feeling those things? They have no answers to give because they never existed. The more the victim wants them the more they withhold it, because that feeds them attention; they live for the spotlight.

I dated one for 4 years. I wrote 5 long ass texts trying to make sense of what she was doing, pouring my heart off, my every emotion. I never got a single closure or answers. That’s what left me more confused back in the days, because I was hoping the person that I once knew will be back, while I never knew the real person.

I only knew her mask or facade. The more I craved for answers, the more I got manipulated. She could shoot herself and never give me the answers, because she knew deep down inside how much I want them. So basically everyone will follow the same fate, no matter what.

The kid will get obsessed with his favorite toy-get bored and throw the toy away in the box, then take it back whenever he feels like doing it, because the toy is his possession. So learn to value yourself and learn to be a smart toy, you are a human being and you deserve better.

Do not allow anyone to view you as their object. That’s the best advice I can give. Learn to grow from this experience and go on with your life. You will save yourself a heartbreak and tons of mental and emotional abuse.

https://thenarcissistandyou.quora.com/Will-the-narcissist-abuse-the-new-supply

[tellomon]

The disturbing thing is they act on your emotions so you have to be emotionless to keep peace. It's like living with a wild animal.
Stop Explaining to
The Narcissist!
This Works Better!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0sxnUSTJa8&t=60s

@adrianrosas5741
4 years ago (edited)
“Unless you like having 6hr arguments over nothing”...... I remember those days


@imaninfjer6763
4 years ago
I've finally learned this with my narcissistic sister. Don't play the game. Leave them to their misery. My anxiety has disappeared with this attitude.


@BibleRevelation2012
4 years ago
They are fighting themselves, not you.

[tellomon]

The best revenge is living well!
How to Take The Ultimate
Revenge on a Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_AUiSp_TwY

@MeCynthiaAnn
4 months ago
I came across this, and I thought I would share it
————-
This might be hard for some to hear…it’s verbal abuse, not love. When an abuser tells you or anybody else that they love you, let’s be clear…that’s not love, that’s abuse of another kind. You see, an abuser uses words like a fisherman uses bait…to catch you and reel you in. An abuser abuses with words, words that are designed to deflect, distract and deceive…”I love you” coming from someone who destroys you — mentally, emotionally or physically, by neglecting or by betraying you, is like a hungry lion telling the deer, “let’s pray before we eat.” Prayer before dinner sounds good unless you’re the dinner. The words “I love you,” sound good unless the person saying it delights in destroying you: “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6).

Don’t confuse an abuser’s words with an abuser’s beliefs…when the words contradict the behavior, it’s like an apology without change — it’s manipulation. Abusers verbally abuse with baited words to manipulate, control and disarm…to reel you in. Abusers say what they know you or their flying monkeys want to hear…Jesus recognized this false confession: “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me” (Matthew 15:8).

When you are the prey, don’t think that someone who prays over their dinner with beautiful words is any less of a threat. Words are abusive when they prey on your emotions. And let’s be clear…the words don’t have to be, “I love you.” Any words that cause a victim to cling to false hope, believe a lie or trust evil, is verbal abuse.

[tellomon]

Feelings are Facts.
The Narcissist's Opinion

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jWTjkZtSbg&t=158s

@micahcraven6576
11 months ago
Tips for arguing with a narc- Don't. You aren't even presented in the conversation - you're just a means to an end - something to validate their internal echo chamber. You can have the same conversation five times but if the narc feels inner guilt and shame around the subject- then what they formulate becomes the only reality.

[tellomon]

Why can't you reason with a narcissist? Everything is twisted to make them to be the ones in the right.

You cannot reason with narcissists or other manipulators high in narcissistic traits because, when you voice concern on Matter A, which can be something completely reasonable, honest, and transparent, they pretend you are actually implying something completely different – Matter B, which happens to be something of great offence to them.

The narcissistic person, by wholeheartedly believing (or pretending to believe) that you implied Matter B, you have “attacked” them in some way in their books, even though they (purposely) missed the point completely to try and gain leverage, they are now in their full right to try and deliver punishment upon you, or so they think anyway.

It's a pretty filthy habit they have – always priming their targets up to be on the receiving end of that which they struggle to cope with themselves.
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Because that is their way of being. It’s precisely, exactly how they operate, in order to obtain their goal of fuel, Supply, superiority and control.

If they came with an instruction book, or if they were an ad on TV, the fine print would say….

WARNING! Repeated and extended exposure to the narcissist is at your own risk. Excessive and prolonged use of narcissistic interactions has been shown to cause confusion, trauma-bonding, PTSD, and, in some cases, even brainwashing. You may find Narcissists are habit forming. In lab rats, they have been known to cause panic attacks, heart attacks and cancer.

Do not expose the narcissist to extreme emotional outbursts, or you will likely be punished (by them). They are known to be easily aroused into anger, jealousy, rage and attacks of violence.

Check with a medical professional before engaging with a narcissist, to see if they are right for you. It’s always a good idea to have a physical assessment by a medical professional, prior to engaging with the Narc. Always follow your doctor’s orders.

Side effects include, and are not limited to:

Feeling crazy. Depression. Isolation. Loss of finances, your things, jobs, friends, anything of value. You may no longer enjoy things or people that you used to enjoy. Wondering if your friends still like you. Questioning why the Narcissist said what he said, and what you should have said or done differently. Ruminating… Yes, for hours, days and weeks, about the same thing, over and over.

Restlessness. Insomnia. Weight gain. Dementia, or believing you have it. Insanity. Trauma-bonding. PTSD. Change in personality. Guilt. Shame. Remorse. Being fatally flawed. Being wrong, oh-so-totally-wrong. Feeling that you’re a bad person.

Lack of ability to win an argument. Lack of logic, so they say. Over-thinking. Over-working. Feeling like a slave to the Narcissist. Feeling different than you used to be. Feeling like you don’t know who you are anymore. Feeling like no one likes you. Feeling like you should try harder. Feeling like it’s your fault. Everything.

Weight loss. Ill health. Overall feelings of lethargy. Lack of motivation. Bouts of unending crying…. over nothing. Hostility. Anger. Emotional over-reactions. Meltdowns. No interest in life.

Symptoms similar to bipolar where you’re excited and hyperactive one minute, and then depressed, the next. Rapid and major mood swings. Sleeping too much. Not sleeping enough. Nervousness, anxiety. Heart palpitations. High blood pressure.

Feelings of worthlessness. Unending and unrealistic optimism because tomorrow is a new day. Living in your head. Inability to love like you used to. Feelings of inferiority.

Other symptoms which were less reported in studies include: Death.

Take the narcissist into your life only with the approval of your medical professional and seek out their advice if you experience any of the above symptoms. Having a narcissist in your life has been known to be habit-forming. If you find you cannot cope in daily life, we recommend you discontinue seeking out the narcissist, and seek medical advice.

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Only you can know if the narcissist is right for you! Most people experience joy and happiness and life like no other! Ask your doctor to prescribe you a Narcissist, today, so your life can begin anew!

(I would say I’m joking and have a good laugh if this wasn’t all SO TRUE!!)
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It is a brain disorder, a Personality Disorder diagnosed in the Mental Health field.

Please take a moment and Google Narcissistic Personality Disorder and get an idea what is happening in that person’s head. Also check out how you yourself should interact with them and what to expect from them. Narcissist firmly believe whatever they think is true and since they are the center of their world, no one else’s opinion matters. Don’t even try. Instead set up rules for yourself to maintain a healthy mental state.

https://www.quora.com/Why-cant-you-reason-with-a-narcissist-Everything-is-twisted-to-make-them-to-be-the-ones-in-the-right

[tellomon]

What does it mean when a
narcissist starts being nice after devaluing you?

When narcissists are being nice to you, it is very dangerous. Narcissists act nice when they want something big from you, don't want you to leave a relationship, or want to show they really love and care for you.

Narcissists being nice, kind, and helpful is to show that you are the problem. Narcissists don't have any problems with you; it's your behavior that makes them angry. Narcissist acts of niceness and kindness confuse victims; in the end, victims of narcissists start doubting themselves.

Suppose narcissists were bad all the time, then it would have been easy for victims to leave relationships. Acts of niceness and kindness keep victims of narcissists in relationships for a longer time.

Narcissists act nice whenever they want benefits; narcissists don't do anything for free.
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You shouldn’t be around if he (or she) has discarded you. He’s nice for the worst imaginable reasons. You shouldn’t even see he’s nice. You should be unreachable, unavailable, not interested. Period.

Show him he can keep his fake niceness.

You should be looking for sincere niceness in authentic humans.

When narcissists are nice, the whole atmosphere gets scary and puzzling.

Did you expect anybody to answer they believe a narcissist is being nice because he loves you and wants you back?

Beware of a narcissist’s sudden love.
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Pure speculation guess here.

Because they are not in a total discard phase. They are not through with you yet. Perhaps they are strengthening the trauma bond keeping you guessing about what’s going on. They may just be having fun playing mind games with you. If they are a true narcissist keeping you off kilter and unbalanced, it translates into being in control.

Just making you wonder what their agenda is keeps them front and center in your mind. If they still want to play, that is exactly where they want you. If that is what is happening you need to make a decision.

You have to decide if you are going to keep playing. You don’t have to do much of anything. Follow their lead, wade through their BS and things will return to normal when they decide it’s time. It will stay normal until they decide to play again.

The flip side of the decision is to decide not to play anymore. It will take some work on your part actually a lot of work. If you haven’t already, you need to separate. Next you need to go no contact. Cut all communications between the two of you. Ignore their attempts to circumvent the barriers you’ve constructed and close off any weaknesses you become aware of.

No contact takes a lot of alert awareness. It gives you a chance to clear your mind of the narcissistic fog. It allows you to think clearly without their influence, interference, lies, and manipulations. The peace of mind and knowledge that you are again in control of your life again is your reward for a job well done.
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They act like they're "so nice", but the truth is that they use this "niceness" as a weapon. They use it to get their way.

Anything you do or say that is not 100% aligned with what they want, will cause them to label you as "mean" or "negative" or "hostile". They will cry a river over everything you're "doing" to them and will try to get people to see you as the aggressor. You will then be viewed as the problem, because how could you be so cruel to someone so NICE?

Their "niceness" isn't real, because there's an agenda behind it. It's only about getting what they want.

https://psychopathologyandpsychology.quora.com/What-does-it-mean-when-a-narcissist-starts-being-nice-after-devaluing-you

[tellomon]

Narcissists are very secretive. They truly enjoy hiding the truth from others because it gives them a sense of superiority.

Internally they think and feel one thing, while externally, they try to convince you of the exact opposite.

They will do what it takes to keep their little and big lies from you because they want you to believe who they present themselves to be.

In fact, their narcissistic drivers are all agenda-based and are designed to feed the False Self and fictitious character they have created.

I want you to know this more than anything. To never again get taken in and down by a False Self, you need to be a True Self.

You need to heal yourself, to have a Real Self, which means doing the inner work on your Inner Being, and then you will walk through life, never having to deal with this insanity and this Soul destruction ever again.

[tellomon]

What happens when a
narcissist lies to you?

Should you ever catch a narcissist in a lie and confront them, you will certainly face at least one of the four Ds. They will either DENY, DEFLECT, DEVALUATE, and/or DISMISS you.
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That's all they do. The question should be what if one tells you the truth-and the 2 answers to that is die of shock, or realize they're not a true narc. Just have narc traits. A genuine narcissist always lies and looks you straight in the eyes while doing so. It's like blinking—natural. And because they're not stupid they know what they're doing and they don't care. Narcissists are the best of the best as far as liars go. They can fool anybody.
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That depends on what you do about it.

If you do nothing, then nothing changes. The narcissist will continue to lie to you if you will take it.

If you know the person is a narcissist and decide to leave, then what happens is you can then go and Live Your Best Life.

Stay away from narcissists.
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Gaslighting, deflecting, stone walling, silent treatment, blaming, anger, tantrums, more lying, evading, crying, screaming, patronising, demeaning, aggression, disrespect, manipulation, blame-shifting, name calling, swearing, escaping, devaluing, ignoring, deviating, diminishing, hypocritical, raging, uncaring, ignorance, deny, deny, deny, deny, deny and deny again.

You'll get everything but the truth.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-when-a-narcissist-lies-to-you

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

"They don't care about truth!"
If only I had known this before discovering the ugly truth
about that kind of people.

Truths Narcissists
Cannot Accept

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/nSk0KnrbBjg

[tellomon]

What are narcissists
like when you are not their target?

You may never know who they truly are.

The first psychopath I got involved with (I went to therapy for this one), died recently. On his obituary, people were stating what a wonderful guy he was! Oh yeah! Really wonderful! Such a nice, sweet person, sure.

The zinger was that they also said he was "extremely charming and charismatic."

Ay, there's the rub.

Most psychopaths and NPDs are charming and charismatic, it’s the “mask of sanity” that they all wear.

By the way, you might be wondering why I was looking at his obituary.

I’ve actually been waiting many years for this moment. Does that make me a bad person too? Honestly, when I realised how many years I spent in torment over him, I could care less what anyone thinks about me. This guy almost made me commit suicide.
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Oh - they can be fun to be with. They always want to be the center of attraction. They (overt, anyway) want to push the envelope socially. Be outrageous. Be dramatic.

If you are not a threat and they are in need of supply - they can come across as very generous, caring, funny and intelligent.

You only know them for what they are when you peep behind the mask.
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When I’m not the target for the narc, I am invisible to him or he uses me as his sounding board because he is so angry at the current target. He will rant and rage about the target; he will pace, he will vow revenge, and he will seek me out from my safe place at home so that he can tell me all about the new target and why he’s gunning for that person.

He’s relentless. Someone is always his target. There’s never a moment when he isn’t zeroing in on someone.
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They are absolutely charming individuals.

You think they are full of empathy. They are usually knowledgeable about a lot of subjects, know alot about NOTHING. Very nice to others. They APPEAR to be normal folks. Then you start to notice their stories don't match up, but you give them a pass. It doesn't matter, it's only a meeting. It's only a gathering. You just keep it moving.

You never realize you have met the wolf in sheep's clothing!

https://www.quora.com/What-are-narcissists-like-when-you-are-not-their-target

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

How does a narcissist
want you to feel?

A narcissist wants you to feel many ways.

They want you to feel in love or infatuated with them.
They want you to feel like you cannot live without them in your life.
They want you to feel insecure and powerless.
They want you to feel tolerant of their behavior.
They want you to feel willing to do anything for them to be around.
They want you to be available for whatever they need at all times.
They want you to be dependent on them physically and emotionally.
They want you to be blind to what they are and what they do.
They want you to be dependent on them financially if they're wealthy.

This is an unhealthy, toxic relationship that you do not want to continue.

Narcissists want you to feel all these things while they feel nothing for you.
Break the trauma bond by severing all contact, and in time, will feel happiness and grateful. Okay, so that's how narcissists want you to feel, pretty much feel like they're on top and you're at the bottom, like they're superior and you're inferior.
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I think I have earned the medal of realizing how these make you feel. Since this may help other victims, here goes:

1. Confused

2. Depressed as nothing you will ever do is ever good enough

3. Sad because of the toxic environment

4. Uneasy. What will happen during today, the next hour or the next minute?

5. Frustrated. Why should I live my life dealing with negativity?

6. Angry because of the continuous lying and gaslighting.

7. Traumatized. The raging alone is to run away from!

8. Disgusted. Why do humans choose to live such a low quality life? Why do they abuse their children?

9. Humiliated. When the narcissist wants to devalue you in a unique manner, rest assured that they will invent the perfect humiliation scenario.

10. The sad realization that I lived a huge lie. This is too gross!

11. Guilty as in me choosing the worst human being to father my children. Yes this is hard to deal with.

12. Incredulous. How come I never realized the game of narcissism much before?

13. A winner. With my simplicity, I realize that I have always lived a noble life even though scapegoated for far too long.

14. Numb as there is no way that I will ever react to narcissists ever again. Who wants supply from me must be joking.

And a serious hunger grows in me every single day to expose narcissism. All human beings must realize their game. And the less victims they find, the more the probability that narcissists have to feed off each other.

And a great believer in Jesus Christ. This is my cherry on my cake.
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Like them.

Less than. Worthless. Unloved.

Trapped, beaten, tortured.

They want you to feel what they feel every single minute of their lives.

Here is the BIG thing you may not have noticed: They don't think about you long enough to care.

Topic at breakfast: me me me me me me me
Lunch: me me me me me me
Dinner: me me me me me me me

You are an appliance.

https://www.quora.com/How-does-a-narcissist-want-you-to-feel

[tellomon]

Can a narcissist be defeated?

Absolutely yes.

You have to defeat narcissists by becoming emotionally and mentally independent. Once you become emotionally and mentally independent, it becomes very hard for narcissists to manipulate you.

Truth and constructive criticism act like an acid on narcissists. Always bombard narcissists with truth; narcissists can't handle truth because it hurts their false image. Stand your ground; narcissists get scared when you fight for yourself.

Detach yourself from narcissists. When you are no longer attached to narcissists, it makes them scared. Narcissists are afraid of losing control, power, and authority over you.

Be happy and successful; it makes narcissists very angry. Narcissists are pathologically jealous and envious people; they can't see you doing good. Narcissists live in pain and anger when they see you thriving.

Finally, you have to leave narcissists. After leaving narcissists, go no contact with them forever. Be successful and happy; this will make narcissists feel terrible about themselves.
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No.

But you can waste a lot of energy just to give them temporary (and I mean very temporary) whiplash. They are not normal people and will not internalize any moves you make as you would. Besides, if they infect you to the level where you actually exact revenge, that means they have poisoned you. Narcs are complete and utter destruction. If you allow yourself to get stuck in this frame of mind (it’s a normal stage, so I don’t judge yourself) you prevent healing and are CONTINUING to be obsessed with the narc, which is exactly the effect the monsters have on people.

The best revenge is to heal, be happy, let it go over time and in your own time. Heal so hard that they no longer affect you. They become a vague memory, just so you don’t forget what they really are and make the same mistakes. If we don’t heal, we move right on into another covert and it all starts again. We can only do this so many times before we are tapped out.

They are merciless creatures, and each new target teaches them more effectively how to entrap and torture the next target. Most of us have experienced abuse as children, these monsters have no excuse for their terrorism. None.
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Yes.

It’s simple! Here is how to do it:

1. Deflect.

This is an essential skill when dealing with a narcissist because it allows you to protect yourself from their manipulative tactics. Deflection involves redirecting the narcissist's energy back to them. Deflection is not just about ignoring the narcissist's words; it's also about not taking them personally. That is the most important thing. It involves understanding that their accusations, insults, and attempts at manipulation are not a reflection of you but rather a reflection of them.

Remember, narcissists thrive on attention and drama. You already know that if they cannot get a reaction out of you, they will feel defeated and powerless. So, when they try to provoke you, instead of responding with anger or frustration, deflect. Simply deflect. Stay calm, stay composed, and refuse to be drawn into their web of manipulation.

2. Disengage.

Disengaging is all about stepping back and not burning in the fire that has not been set by you. It is about not letting the narcissist push your buttons. It's about establishing boundaries and maintaining them. When a narcissist tries to encroach upon your space physically or emotionally, do not justify, explain, or defend yourself.

                                  You don't have to prove anything to them.
 
You can simply respond by saying things like:

"We remember things differently."
"If you continue to speak like this, I will not answer."
"I hear you, but this isn't my experience."
"I know my truth, and I am not changing that."
"I am stepping away from this conversation."
"This is not a topic I am going to discuss."
"We can continue when you're ready to communicate."

Remember, you have the right to remove yourself from conversations and situations that are harmful or uncomfortable. You do not owe the narcissist any explanations or justifications. You do not need to respond to their baiting or engage in endless debates. Simply disengage and walk away, and that will burn a narcissist inside out.

3. Decline.

Often, a narcissist will attempt to pull you back into their influence through various means. These can range from hoovering attempts where they feign remorse and promise change to more insidious strategies like gift bombing or charm offensives to make you lower your guard.

When you decline, you're asserting your independence and personal autonomy. You are signaling to the narcissist that you are aware of their tactics and are no longer willing to be a part of their mind games. You're making it very clear that you have your own mind, your own will, and that you see through their tactics.

4. Document.

Narcissists are skilled at gaslighting, at rewriting history to suit their narrative. They will deny hurtful words, dismiss abusive behavior, and make you question your own memory.

Through gaslighting, documentation serves as a vital strategy when dealing with a narcissist, particularly in situations where co-parenting or legal disputes are involved. It functions in two primary ways: documenting the positives and documenting the negatives.

5. Decide to be your best.

Decide to defeat them in the right way. Decide to be your best version possible. Deciding to be your best version possible means making a conscious choice to not let the narcissist's actions or words define who you are or how you feel about yourself.

It means choosing to prioritize your own well-being and your own mental and emotional health above everything else.

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/Can-a-narcissist-be-defeated-15

[tellomon]

How to write a legal letter of demand?

Type your letter.

Concisely review the main facts.

Be polite.

Write with your goal in mind.

Ask for exactly what you want.

Set a deadline.

End the letter by stating you will promptly pursue legal remedies if the other party does not meet your demand.

Make and keep copies.

Take cover, await the fallout.

[tellomon]

 

[tellomon]

What is a "collapsed narcissist"?

A narcissist is doomed to eventually experience a narcissistic collapse.

This usually happens when they are in old age, everybody has left them, and they are forced to be alone with their thoughts. A narcissist has to be other-focused, meaning that they get their energy from being a parasite on other people.

When that isn't there, they are left to sit there in their thoughts, and suddenly all their repressed trauma comes to the surface, and they experience a narcissistic collapse, which is basically them spiraling into a deep depression where they withdraw and isolate.

And it's a depression unlike anything a neurotypical can feel a majority of the time because the narcissist completely lacks an identity and an internal self-worth. It is just a dark place for them to be. And this is why you don't have to worry about getting revenge on them when they do you wrong, because this happens to all of them.

In very rare cases, there is an awareness from this, but a majority of the time, it's just a deep and spiraling depression. Everybody will eventually leave the narcissist. People do not put up with their kind of abuse forever. They catch on, and they don't want any part of it. LOL.
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It's the worst thing that could possibly happen to a narcissist. It often begins when the narcissist, as usual, goes through the cycle of love bombing, devalue, discard, and they discard their most current source of supply or one of them.

And then, suddenly, they realize they can't replace that person; they no longer have the ability to obtain the type of supply that they once did.

Of course, now the narcissist isn't getting the same kind of supplies they've got before. And even when they try to hoover that most recent supply, it doesn't work. LOL.

So, what happens?
The narcissistic supply becomes less and less available.

They become different; they start to reach out to anyone, anything for supply. This launches all their doubts and their fears about themselves and their lives. They go into sort of a "poor me" shock, and this leads to narcissistic rage, where it kind of just spews out on everyone around them.

And before they know it, they might be completely alone, and then they go back into the "poor me" thing, and it's a rotation. Then their self-esteem goes down, their rage comes up, they go into "poor me," and it's kind of an ugly cycle of a collapsed narcissist. LOL.

This is the point at which the false self and the real self sort of come face to face. It's sort of "meat," and it ain't pretty. What's happening is the narcissist's facade has been taken away; the mask is off, the narcissist is outed.

They are unable to continue to put the mask on; the mask doesn't work anymore. People can now see inside. They might literally start to hide; they might move out of town; they might become a completely different person, or they might just really dig their hooks into everyone who still is in their lives. It's what happens when all the fake "calm, cool, collected" mess is wiped away, and the ugly true face of the narcissist shows. LOL.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-a-collapsed-narcissist

************************

There is no cure for narcissism. Run for your lives.
The Collapse Of A Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MntaapzklE

[tellomon]

How can I feel positive again
after narcissistic abuse?

Narcissists appear to their victims as three layers:

1) The actual person, with the actual perceptions and motivations. No one else will ever know much about this person, most of what you’ll learn will be through inference, and little of it will ever make sense, because whatever a narcissist thinks, it’s so different from your thought process that even if you knew how they ticked, you wouldn’t understand it.

It may take years to even realize that this layer exists, since we tend to assume that layer 2, described below, is the genuine person.

2) The facade.
This was the phantom you interacted with. All the drama, mood swings and gaslighting the narcissist puts you through keeps you from focusing too closely on how little the facade offers, beyond a haughty superiority and entitlement, particularly once the honeymoon period is over.

3) The feel-good chemicals the narcissist doses you with through her presence, albeit on-and-off, creating a dependence. This is actually another layer wrapped around layer 2, because even though layer 2 may seem so alluring, you never get a chance to notice the truth about it, which is that it’s rudimentary and dull. You confuse your addiction to layer 3 with an attraction to layer 2. Think of layer 3 as a transparent wrapper.

To review: Your attachment to a narcissist is an addiction. You are glued by substance addiction to layer 3, but, gazing through it, believe you are in love with layer 2, which isn’t a real person. As the spell breaks, you come to learn about layer 1, which is unknowable and terrifying; even after understanding that layer 2 is a facade with no meaning, you will likely transfer your affection for it to layer 1, while still ignoring layer 3, which is really holding you to the narcissist.

The overwhelming emptiness of this situation is unmistakable.

The arrangement is highly painful for the victim, because thinking you’re in love with someone who’s either false (layer 2) or completely obscure (layer 1) while actually having no sensible reason for loving them, is a recipe for intense cognitive dissonance: a war breaks out between different parts of your brain.

Here’s how you will feel positive again: This situation I’ve described is so nonsensical that it’s unsupportable. You will you eventually understand that it is ridiculous, even if you never see it clearly.
The logical part of your brain has the upper hand over the addictive part, for two reasons. First, the addictive part is really stupid and has no arguments to offer in opposition to basic common sense beyond grunts of primal attachment. The other reason? Addiction is boring.

It’s unlikely that you will ever kill off the addiction, but your logical brain grows stronger over time, enabling you to see that the person in layer 2 is idiotic, and doesn’t even exist, while the person of layer 1 is a disordered monster.

The strength of the logical brain will be brought to bear through emotional distance: you will be able to appreciate that you were conned, yet understand that because you are not your thoughts.
The con doesn’t say anything about your worth - this is emotional distance in action; you will gain distance from the narcissist herself, realizing that not only is she dull, she doesn’t even exist as originally conceived; and you will also back away from the situation enough that you will remember how rich life and the world is, and how much else is going on around you which has nothing to do with the non-existent person of layer 2, or the actual person of layer 1, who will never show up to take part in life.

Cultivate detachment.
Don’t try to avoid thinking about it, but watch the feelings wash over you while calmly appreciating their larger insignificance: we all feel bad now and again, and then we feel better a few hours or days later. Accept the feelings will come back repeatedly - some meditators even say “Welcome” as they notice depression crawling toward them - and then detach from the feelings: don’t force them to go away, just watch yourself having them, and note their transitory insignificance. Why act on feelings which have no basis, interest or constancy?

Because there is no rational argument in favor of loving or respecting the narcissist.
No addiction can triumph over a straight look at what was really there: Nothing - no love affair (layer 2 isn’t real) and no partner (there’s nothing behind the eyes of the person in layer 1).
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Surround yourself with people who are going to support you and build you up. People who will be happy for you when you achieve something. People who are happy when you are happy.

Get back to the hobbies and activities you enjoyed before the narc came along. Find new interests that make you happy and give you a sense of calm and comfort. I love to read but stopped because of the narc. He made it too difficult for me to take time to read and to concentrate, plus he interrupted me, pulled out my bookmark and was a total jerk about my books. I can’t wait to sink into a book and lose myself again. Find activities that make you smile, laugh and energize you.

Renew faith in yourself by helping others who are experiencing narc abuse. Your insight and experience will help others to escape, plus it will be a wonderful way to close that chapter in your life. You took a traumatic experience and used it to help others. Those on Quora have helped me tremendously by sharing their stories and validating that what I’ve experienced is not normal and isn’t love. You can help others, too.

Tell yourself daily that you are deserving of happiness, love and peace. And you are. For a narc to choose you means that you are an extraordinary person who is kind and compassionate. Know that you are valued and that you did not do anything wrong.

Blessings to you! 

https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-feel-positive-again-after-narcissistic-abuse

[tellomon]

                                                         

Do gun owners actually want to kill somebody in defense of themselves or their home?

Want to, no. Willing to, absolutely.
__________________________________________

Initially, I thought you to be a troll.

I was going to block you. After looking at your other questions I thought better of it.

My philosophy is: It is better to have and not need than to need and not have.

I, personally, believe that no gun owner is wanting to kill anyone. But, should someone break into my home it shows me that they have no regard for the life of my family, myself, or themselves. That is the reason I have guns in my home. It is for protection should the need arise.
_________________________________

No one wants to but don't confuse “want” with "will."
___________________________________

No, it is not the goal. Most realize that death is not like in the movies and want no part of it.
However, that said, I don't want to kill, but, better the bad guys than me.
_______________________________________

NO!!

Most people do not want to kill if someone is in your home that hasn't been invited and you have no idea what his intentions are. They are a threat to you and your family.
Who isn't going to defend themselves or their family?? Well, outside of the few pacifists to just go along with whatever…. and will ever try to hurt another... while probably decent people, they do that: Put their family's welfare above a criminal..

https://www.quora.com/Do-gun-owners-actually-want-to-kill-somebody-in-defense-of-themselves-or-their-home

[tellomon]

 

[tellomon]

Do narcissists have weird behavior with food?

Oh my god, yes!

Food has been a huge source of conflict, demands, selfishness, and abuse.

The first time I went out to eat with him, he ordered so much food it filled the table with plates, and it was just the two of us eating. Plus, I don’t eat meat and most of the food was meat. That was the first time he tried to cajole me into eating something I didn’t want.

I had not eaten any animals since I was fifteen. Apparently, that is a challenge to some disordered people. It is as if others’ food preferences or beliefs must be squashed because they don’t align with the Narcy-Narc’s (my son’s creative term—like Marky-Mark—lol) idea of what is right. As if what a person chooses to put in their bodies is offensive to them when it differs from what they do. Really weird.

He offered me meat for years before he finally gave up. But I wasn’t the only one. My daughter is also a vegetarian (raised that way until 3 or 4, and then given a choice). Narcy-Narc once gave her a real hotdog at the river and told her it was soy. She was hungry and ate it. I thought maybe he was concerned about her not getting enough food. Ha ha ha.

A few weeks ago, Narcy made chile verde, a pork dish. He knows damn well that my son-in-law is a devout Muslim and doesn’t eat pork! The kid fasts through Ramadan, and was a Virgin until married. He’s very serious about his beliefs and traditions. Of course, that’s a challenge to any narc.

I even warned him when I saw him making chile that O___ doesn’t eat pork.

That’s ok. He told him it was goat, and joyfully fed the Muslim f*cking pig! It was spiritual rape, in my opinion. And I don’t think that is dramatic. It’s one thing to violate someone’s eating preferences, and another thing to violate someone’s religious practices. I felt so badly that I made my daughter promise not to tell O____ what happened because narc was still here then and it would only hurt him to know.

Who does this? He purposely made a dish he knew would look and smell so good. It’s one of my favorite meals when he makes the vegetarian version. Yummy! Narc knew he could pass it off as goat, because Mexicans often have goat too.

Other minor things with the kids too, like getting them food that was clearly unhealthy just to piss me off, or letting them have an excess of sugar and soda, because he couldn’t stand that I was raising them with healthier food habits.

Narc’s Tai Chi teacher once said "Watch the way someone is with food, and you can tell their character". So true.

That may not be food-policing, but it’s more like food terrorism.

He also had no qualms about stopping for food somewhere with the kids and me, where he knew we would not be able to eat anything, and making us sit there while he gorged on his yucky food.
Nice dad.
Great husband.
NOT.

We were hungry too. Just had to wait for the baby to eat first. Always first.
___________________________________

Oh yeah.
Food is their god.
Live to eat, not eat to live.

All they ever talk about, boasting about where they’ve eaten. Every conversation would include as least one restaurant they have visited, even if it’s a snack, you have to be told every detail. And if you have gone somewhere to eat, they have to know what you ate, etc. Complete idiots. Total one uppers.
_____________________________________

“Is being unable to digest my own lies, and then barfing them up all over you as word salad weird enough?”
_______________________________________

In my experience food is a big issue. Very picky, critical, almost childlike refusals, tantrums and demands. Usually the first control tactic we learn and mostly outgrow.
______________________________________

I can't speak for all narcissists but mine refused to eat anything I cooked (except sweets). He would complain that I didn't buy the right kinds of food. Every day he would go out to eat. It's crazy.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-have-weird-behavior-with-food

[tellomon]

How do narcissists
shame you?

                     

Shaming is a narcissistic abuse tactic they use to control you. Shaming involves literally pointing the finger at you, shaking the finger at you, and telling you that everything you're doing is wrong. Shaming is a way of humiliating the victim and isolating them because it's the most isolating tool they have to make you feel horrible about yourself.

Narcissists use shaming in many different ways. They may shame you for things you've done or for things that were done to you. For instance, if you got into an accident and broke your leg, instead of expressing concern, they might say something shaming like, "What were you doing on that ski slope? I can't believe you actually went skiing. What did you think was going to happen?"

They constantly reinforce that everything you do is wrong and bad, even if it was something enjoyable. There won't be any support coming from the narcissist; their goal is to keep you isolated and feeling ashamed.
_____________________________________

Narcissists have developed the perfect mask.

A complex web of traits and features, designed to make them come across as normal, desirable and, of course, better than you.

They are uniquely special.

But these traits and features; the mask, is artificial.

Narcissists exhaust themselves, constantly, trying to keep the weakly supported artifice in place.

And then you come along, possessing positive traits, but yours are real, genuine –
you are just being yourself.

The fact you can carry yourself in a positive manner, effortlessly at that, because you are being your genuine self, angers the narcissist.

Their subconscious tells them something must be wrong with them, if they can't be normal and positive whilst at ease.

But they cannot accept this thought.

Accepting any truth as to their imperfection, is too painful for them to bear.

And this is why narcissists are always on the offensive, the attack.

Shaming, belittling you, usually in a subtle back-handed manner, before you have the chance to naturally shine and therefore making them feel shameful.

Narcissists want to erase your humanity, so they can feel more normal in their own skin.
__________________________________

A narcissist might shame you in the following ways:

Strive always to be in control: This can be as simple as impatiently snatching the broom from you when you’re sweeping and doing the job themselves. Refusing to relinquish control or to allow a person to learn at their own pace makes them feel incapable of ‘getting the job done’.

Use condescending stares/eye rolling: A patronising look can communicate a message like “I’m doing you a favour just by tolerating you and allowing you to be around me”.

Snicker and laugh at your weaknesses: That all knowing laugh when you make a mistake communicates how amusing you are in comparison to a person who wouldn’t make the same error. Quite often, the mistake is not even a mistake, but a snicker at something you simply did a different way to how the narcissist would do it. Not uncommon still is being laughed at even if you did something correctly, just to make you question yourself and think the narcissist knows something you don’t.

Speak about you in the third person when you’re present: When you’re discussed with someone else while present, especially in a non-favourable way, it can make you feel both shamed and powerless. For example, “Lisa has been so lazy around the house. She hasn’t done any housework, she just watches Netflix all day.”

When this is said to someone else in your presence, it shines the light on you without actually including you in the conversation. It creates an illusion of two people of ‘higher knowledge’ discussing you: the object of ‘concern’. Firstly, such a statement is subjective (Lisa might have felt a bit sick and watched Netflix for a few hours simply to unwind) and it forces you to either defend yourself or feel shame.

Inflate themselves through story: Sharing stories which paint the narcissist in a highly superior way makes the listeners feel small in comparison. Many narcissists are great storytellers, and in their stories, they are usually strong and superior. An alternative way they boost their image in a story is not just by raising themselves up, but by putting down the person who they are describing in their story.

Inflate themselves through assertion and deflection: A narcissist will avoid admitting weakness or to being limited. The narcissist might begin a sentence with “I never..” or “I always..”. For example, “I never get dumped, I’m always doing the dumping” or “I always get through the queue within ten minutes”. The second statement will come especially as a response to you saying that you had to wait for an hour. This separates them from the ‘luckless fool’, and makes them stand out as special.

Ask critical, rhetorical questions: For example, “Why did you arrange the plates like that?” or “Why are you wearing those pants for?” These questions have no real answer or purpose other than to shine a light on your supposed incompetence.

Refuse to empathise and support: When you share something genuine that’s important to you, the narcissist will shut it down as quickly as possible or simply ignore it. They might simply nod, change the topic, or analyse and problem solve what you are saying. They do this so you cannot influence their emotions. This rejection of your genuine expression makes you feel shameful and unloved. Nothing is overtly done, yet it feels off when you realise that the person to whom you are opening your experience does not care enough to empathise.

Not allow you to set boundaries: A narcissist might assume they know what’s best for you - without consulting you first. They’ll order your drink without asking, make decisions involving you without consulting, open your mail and so on. This objectifies you and makes you feel like the narcissist and only the narcissist knows what’s best for you.

Refuse to go along with your plans or allow you to influence them: The relationship is generally lopsided. They call the shots and decide where to go, what to do and for how long. They rely on the low self-esteem of their target to enforce this. Also, by not giving the target a preference, the narcissist can further erode the target’s self-esteem.

Make unwelcome, supposedly neutral observations: i.e. “You have hairs growing on your ears” or “You know, you’re always the first to finish your food” or “You need to buy new shoes”. This is designed to make you feel self-conscious without seeming like an actual attack.

Feign or exaggerate concern: By exaggerating concern, the narcissist can make you feel like someone who needs help; even though you didn’t feel that way to begin with. Although we do sometimes struggle in life, when concern is exaggerated, we can begin to feel like a basket case; i.e. someone who cannot cope with life. This fake or exaggerated concern normally comes with an accompanying look of worry.

Compare you to others: When the narcissist points out that someone they know can do what you can’t, or is better at something than you, they force you onto a scale of worth. Real or not, it is shaming and can be difficult to ignore.

A man could be trying to put on weight at the gym, and then have his girlfriend point out how muscly her ex-boyfriend was. A parent can (subjectively) explain to their single daughter that every other woman her age is happily married and has children. These subtle comparisons undermine and shame.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-narcissists-shame-you

[tellomon]

What does full blown
narcissistic personality disorder
look like?

I use my overt stepdad a lot as an example.

It looks like my stepdad asking my mother and I, “ why do you worship a man that killed himself?” My uncle had shot himself six months prior, and we had finally gotten a copy of the picture collage video of him and watched it together.

It looks like a full on rage, in which he clocked his own 16 year old son for eating a dollars worth of candy bars.

It looks like 13 year old me being grounded for two weeks for putting a wet spoon in the sugar bowl.

It looks like him manipulating my first therapist.

It looks like a few pamphlets lying around about boot camp for kids' reform schools, etc.

It looks like being screamed at and threatened for not eating the skin of a fish at dinner, and caving and eating it so the screaming will stop.

It looks like a minor child being denied medical attention by a medical professional, to the point that they are almost hospitalized for pneumonia.

It looks like having to prepare a power point presentation over complementary colors because he can't accept that he's wrong about them and won't drop it, or admit he's wrong.

It looks like a mother and child being kept in fear, because they are both being threatened to be killed, and it's to keep both under control.

It looks like 100%s on tests, but, getting the extra credit wrong and being grounded for it.

I can go on…

The worst thing it looks like though, is that everything looks just fine from an outside perspective. If the walls of the houses we lived in with that man could talk…f*ck.
___________________________________

You are living with a predictable, yet unstable person, who may blow anything out of proportion and start a massacre against you anytime, but you have no means to know what will upset them and so you cannot prevent it.

You know it’s coming, soon, and the signs are there (he starts showing signs of tension and becomes hypercritical) and them wham! it starts. You cannot even ask them what they want because by doing so you are implying that they will do something wrong and they are too great to accept it and just that is enough for the narcissist go into a rage.

You cannot make plans for your life. You cannot plan “So next week we are going to have a great family dinner” because the narc will probably ruin it all by having a fit of rage in front of all the invited.

You cannot be happy because “Now I landed my dream job and I will save money so I can go to Orlando next year” because the narc will call your boss and tell lies about you, break into your office and break everything, deprive you of sleep, make you go into a psychotic breakdown and you will soon lose your job.

You cannot buy new furniture or decoration because the narc will throw it all across the room and destroy it in the next fit.

You cannot be yourself. You are always walking on eggshells so as to not to give the narc a reason to go into a huge, but eventually he grows bored from not having anything to rage about and will find something to do so anyway. You can only delay the inevitable.

You change your behavior, way of dressing, voice tone, stops doing anything you like and sacrifices everything for the narcissist.

Until he has nothing more to suck out from you and discards you.
____________________________________

To describe this without using too many words:

You meet Peppa Pig, an adorable, lovable character you have wondered all your life. Where they have been? They ask you in not so many overt ways, to ‘feed me’.

However, if you don’t give them what they ‘deserve’ or ‘need’, because you see yourself on a one way street, then Peppa becomes evil, contorted, twisted.

EVIL PIG.

The real person is always lurking beneath and it’s not a pretty encounter if you happen to be involved with them.

https://www.quora.com/What-does-full-blown-narcissistic-personality-disorder-look-like

Evil Pig!

[tellomon]

Rising Above Narcissism ·
Posted by
Conscious Soul
2y

We of the women variety are notorious for trying to “fix” those we love.

Though this comes from a good place, we are inevitably not accepting someone else for who they really are, which puts us at risk to be hurt, disappointed, and let down over and over again.

We who are not narcissists project our goodness onto them, believing they are the same as us.

This is extremely DANGEROUS to do with a evil person because we end up essentially enabling them to continue their abuse.

Lesson to learn: Your goodness is essential to who you are. Cherish that, but don’t confuse it with helping evil people .

[tellomon]

Do covert narcissists experience remorse or guilt after destroying someone's life and reputation?

Nope. Not one drop of remorse or guilt. They enjoy it. It makes them feel superior and so powerful.😨👀 They love to destroy.
_____________________________________

The ones like my current husband, who Deny, Deny, Deny every single hurtful act they perpetrate on their chosen target, don’t seem to feel shame at all.

Why would they? They’ve just rewritten history so that what they said or did never happened. There’s nothing to feel shame for—the target is a delusional liar and probably disordered, but that’s their problem.

They skip off to their next adventure, leaving a heartbroken partner in their wake. They assume, based upon past incidents, that said target will get over it and that life will go on just as it has for most of their relationship. And in most cases, that’s exactly what happens.
__________________________________

Are you kidding?

This is the apex.
The pinnacle.
These are the “salad days” for them.

They do not destroy you unless you deserve it.
They really think you deserve it.

Let’s flip this around.

The narcissist has done all these godawful things to you—-and you discover that you can exact revenge. Pretty easily too. And no one will know it was you.

Now you might be a noble person of great character and pass on this opportunity.
But some people might take it.

For a moment think of all the terrible things your narc did to you and be honest—-wouldn’t a little revenge feel pretty good right now?
With no consequences for you?
I bet it would.

This is some approximation of how your narc feels after they’ve destroyed you.

Because even though you KNOW you don’t deserve it, and you KNOW they are the bad one, they think it’s YOU who is trying to destroy them—-it’s part of their protective delusion.

They honestly think you deserve it. As honestly as you think they do.

That’s why they don’t feel guilt. They can’t feel shame (hardwired to avoid it), so they transfer all of it to you.

Your destruction is just and right.

Now do you understand what we mean by.......

D - I - S - O - R - D -E - R -E - D ?

https://www.quora.com/Do-covert-narcissists-experience-remorse-or-guilt-after-destroying-someones-life-and-reputation

[tellomon]

Here's Proof of Why Silence
is the Most Impactful Revenge in a Narcissist's Life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fr8PoqSDcz8