Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

I said " I've turned the 'I Care' button off."
How To Make A Narcissist
Go Bonkers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpUly5CUy9U

Page 18       

[tellomon]

What are covert narcissists afraid of?

Being found out.

They can’t stand to let anyone else in on their secret life of deceit while they parade themselves as the victim. That and really looking at themselves in a mirror…in the eyes, not just while they preen and primp, but having an honest conversation with yourself in the mirror…they can’t do it.

Example: my CovNarc used to ask me what Skype was for and to help him change his ringtone because he didn’t understand smartphones…turns out he plays dumb on purpose so he can lead multiple ladies on at once and WOW, was he a hacker and a half…he just didn’t realize that I’m smarter than he is.

I love the screenshots that I have of his multiple accounts and the chicks he was having online long-distance full romances with…I showed them to his face and he told me I was a “f***ing nutbag” and making it up. Staring at the evidence!! I could go on for days and we were only together for 10 months. I truly believe my ex falls under the psychopathic covert narc heading for certain. I’ve never met another human so devoid of a soul.

When I looked him in the eyes and said “I see you!” the rage and hatred that flashed in his eyes…I’m lucky I survived. He was driving, speeding down the freeway and telling me he was going to shove me out of the car and kill me and leave me on the side of the road…That was his reaction all because I knew who he really was now. I have a 5 year protection order from a judge signed last week.
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Covert Narcissists don't have their own personality. They live through others. Think about this for a while.

CN have lots of fears. Their main fear is that you're doing ok and have forgotten about them. CN cannot cope with this reality as they need you to be reacting to their theatrics.

Other fears: getting too close to their real self. They are afraid of feeling any emotional pain. They are afraid of you being stronger than them because they know they are phonies. They are afraid of not having someone to mimic…They are afraid of getting close to anything real. They don't attach to people; they live through them. They don't love; they pretend to love. There exist a deep emptiness within them. They are afraid to face the truth.
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Covert narcissists fear self contained people. They only feel comfortable when they have some kind of leverage over you, when you have some kind of emotional neediness they can exploit.

If you are happily going about your business, you make the narcissist feel irrelevant, powerless, impotent. This is real ghosting — they are nothing more than a phantom. They can't affect you, but they crave your attention — you can affect them. Self containment takes practice — begin now by doing things for yourself.

In particular, calming yourself down.
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Covert narcissists, like other individuals with narcissistic traits, often have deep-seated insecurities despite their outward appearance of confidence and superiority. Some of the fears that covert narcissists may experience include:

Fear of Rejection: Covert narcissists may fear being rejected or abandoned by others, which can stem from their fragile self-esteem and constant need for validation.

Fear of Failure: Covert narcissists may have a strong fear of failure because they tie their self-worth to external achievements and validation from others.

Fear of Inadequacy: Underneath their facade of superiority, covert narcissists may harbor feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness, leading to a fear of being exposed as not as perfect as they present themselves.

Fear of Vulnerability: Covert narcissists often have difficulty being vulnerable or showing their true selves to others because they fear being judged or criticized.

Fear of Losing Control: Covert narcissists may fear losing control over their image, relationships, or situations, as this threatens their sense of power and superiority.

Fear of Intimacy: Covert narcissists may struggle with intimacy and genuine emotional connections because they fear being truly known by others and losing their perceived sense of control.

It's important to note that each individual is unique, and not all covert narcissists will experience the same fears to the same extent. These fears can contribute to the maladaptive behaviors and coping mechanisms commonly associated with covert narcissism.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-covert-narcissists-afraid-of

[tellomon]

How do I find value after
narcissistic abuse?

Here goes:

Silence to me is PEACE. Peace in caps please as I had longed for that all my life.
FREEDOM! So much of that!
These two alone already make for an awesome life.

Focus more on the self. View yourself like an eroded human being. Build it up all over again. Learn to love yourself with a passion.

Spoil yourself when you feel you deserved it.

Be kind. This world needs that!

Smile more!

Be positive! Today may be depressive but tomorrow something good is gonna happen!

Enjoy a simple life.

Be authentic.

Go for walks in nature. So very refreshing.

Get a pet. They will show you loyalty like no human being can.

Keep your eyes open. Live life more alert and watch out for those that need you.

Carrying a shopping bag, holding the arm of an old lady. At times we are too blind whilst living.
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Firstly, I admire that you are trying.

Narcissistic abuse is potentially fatal. You are still here and your life-spark has not been extinguished by their incredible maltreatment. Respect.

Finding value again is a slow and painful process. Patience with yourself is key because essentially your idea of self will have been obliterated.

It starts with paying deep attention to your inner world. What activities/ ideas/ connections bring you warm feelings? These feelings will be whispers at first, so you have to create the quiet space for them to arise. Follow the threads of those whispers, even when it is basic stuff like “I really like tea and not coffee” or “being near water is soothing”. Write those things down.

For me it helped to write out everything I remembered liking in the past and feeling into whether I still did. Sometimes our preferences change. Our values change less, so exercises that help you find out what they are help too.

Sometimes narcissistic abuse puts us on a new path, but that path can take years to reveal itself. You have to be attuned to your inner voice, the whispers first. In Taoism they call it living from the inside outward.

Often, we end up in narcissistic relationships because we live the other way around - from the outside (what do YOU, dear narcissist, need) in. Often we have been trained not to listen to our own inner voice and it's needs and intuitions. We've been told we are TOO needy by people who put their needs first above everything. We've been told our intuitions are wrong or that we are being oversensitive.

Learning to listen to your inner voice can also put you face to face with your inner critic. That critic is an interlocutor, and not your own inner voice. Your own inner voice is calmer, more curious and compassionate - and has often been drowned out.

I wish I could offer advice that worked quickly, but there isn't any that really works long term. Part of why we end up with such people is ignoring our own inner cues and feelings we don't deserve better treatment.

We have to learn to value and treat ourselves as we value and treat others. Think of how supportive and forgiving you were to that toxic individual! Be that forgiving and supportive to yourself. With yourself, there will actually be results.

Once we can truly connect with our inner compass, our values become clearer on their own.

Wishing you healing and much much strength.
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By realizing you never valued yourself before narcissistic abuse.

You can’t find something you never had.

You have to create it.

All the narcissist did was exploit your baseline state of emotional health, which was dictated by an unrealistic expectation that someone like them could make you happy (a desire likely put there by a caregiver who you never realized was exactly like them) and make it worse by tricking your brain into thinking they could make you happy if you could just manage to get their approval and validation, just like you tried to get all those years from your caregiver.

And just like your caregiver, the narcissist currently in your life never plans on giving it to you, either, but it tickles them to no end to know this and watch you try.

It also makes them feel important, powerful, and clever, because they know something you don’t, and that is, that you are doomed to forever chase the unobtainable.

And what kind of person continually pines after the things they can’t have, wasting precious time, never learning any lessons, and taking everything they do have for granted?

If you’re thinking, “people with authentic inherent value,” you’d be wrong.

Narcissists do that.

But wait, so do we, as the victims of their abuse! How can this be?! We aren’t narcissists.

Because that’s what was modeled for us by the people who conditioned us to think we have no value, who set the stage for us to continue to look for it in the very same types of people as they are, which is why we find ourselves in this constant cycle of unhealthy romantic relationships as adults after being raised by narcissistic parents.

Realizing that there are parts of us that are similar to those who have abused us isn’t an easy pill to swallow, because no one wants to be like their abuser, and no one wants to admit that they played a part in the abuse they endured at the hands of those crummy people.

But we must if we want to heal. It’s mandatory!

Once you fully acknowledge and embrace the parts of you that you’re not proud of, instead of ignoring them like you did with your parents and partners (which by the way, only further delayed ever seeing those things in yourself), then you can work to ameliorate yourself of those qualities, and in doing that, you will find your worth, your strength, your ability to be happy and love yourself, and those are the things we never had before that we can now take pride in and value.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-find-value-after-narcissistic-abuse

[tellomon]

How can you prevent narcissists from bringing
you down?

Much easier said than done, but try not to take anything they say personally, no matter how much it stings.

I know it’s not easy to hold your tongue when someone is trying to get your goat, but it is worth it to not give them the supply they crave.
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Narcissists devalue you to make themselves feel better.

It’s little passive aggressive comments mostly.

Just realize that these people are envious of you and that you being you makes them jealous.

Remember this always:

Narcissists are afraid of being themselves.

They want you to see them for this fake person that they know they are not.

You being yourself makes him jealous and envious and they want to destroy you because of it.
So just know that when they are making comments that are negative towards you that you are doing something right and good.
And see these comments as an example of your power and goodness that you are shining into the world !!
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If you have been conditioned and prepared to deal with narcissists, from past experiences, there are limitations on the harm they can cause you because you would have trained your boundaries into a sturdy position. It is a matter of enforcing what you already know.

Of course, you must not get romantically involved with one, because they will make it their life mission to break through your boundaries if you are romantically involved.

But in most other settings, such as work, acquaintances, friendship circles, distant family, etc, there is clear scope for you to keep interactions superficial and high level, while your boundaries are intact, at least for the most part.

The secret (well, not so much a secret) is to not let the 'relationship' go deep – keep your emotions in check, avoiding bondage, apply what you know, and you’re good.

Oh, and never expect much, keep the expectations’ bar low.
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If you have the resources - LEAVE.

They do not learn.

They do not get better.

And as long as you deal w/them, it is depressing. There are ways to ease their control over your life if you must remain in a relationship w/an NPD.
From my personal experience - create a separate life for yourself as much as you can. I kept and maintained all my good friends, exercised (walked and yoga), and did a lot of volunteering (until Covid hit, and then we moved - but I’m looking to get back into it).

OH, and maintain a personal, SEPARATE bank account, so you will have some personal security should you need it!!!!

Create a more healthy personal life as much as you can. Once you take back your life - you will begin to feel better about you. Screw the NPD, they are angry, spoiled, miserable liars…it is ALL them, not YOU!
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It’s hard, very hard.

I took an old friend out to dinner tonight. My husband behaved like a child. We went out at 1pm to celebrate my friend’s Birthday. It was a very nice restaurant but of course my husband made a scene. My friend, I might add, is a man who said to me that he was scared for me by his outburst.

My husband is a narcissist and acts like a spoiled child. I will no longer apologize for my husband. But I am glad my friend saw how he acts. It least now someone else saw his true colors.

You see I no longer love my husband, but I do care about him. He is childlike and mentally ill. He has poisoned his mind with alcohol abuse, no longer drinks hard liquor but the damage has already been done; is super paranoid and he thinks I’m out to get him which is far from the truth.

My daughter has said to me to make him leave. I can’t do that as he won’t leave. Nobody gets how these people are. You tell them over and over again, but unless you witness it, you will never believe it. I have amazing love for our God, speak to him daily, listen to music which helps me.

Now I only work part time, but I’m in a good place. You really can’t love these people because they don’t love themselves so I try not to do anything with him. That’s why I speak to others though Quora, if I can warn one person to not get involved with a narcissist, then I have done my job as a caring and good person.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-you-prevent-narcissists-from-bringing-you-down

[tellomon]

       

NOW TRENDING

[tellomon]

Does America really want this? Trump has made it clear that the Supreme Court is under his control, when they give him total immunity, he takes over, he will bypass Congress, the Constitution, and nothing will get in his way he will rule absolute.

********************

Take your Democrat fantasies with you when you crawl back under your rock, little troll.
    _________________________

Of course not. Trump is our President. Not our Emperor or our King. There's no such thing as an “absolute right.” That's overreaching.

If we gave our President an absolute right to do anything, we'd be begging him / her to abuse their power. “Separate, But Equal. Branches”.

https://www.quora.com/Does-America-really-want-this-Trump-has-made-it-clear-that-the-Supreme-Court-is-under-his-control-when-they-give-him-total-immunity-he-takes-over-he-will-bypass-Congress-the-Constitution-and-nothing-will-get-in-his

[tellomon]

           

[tellomon]

Squirrelington
Hahahahaha!!!! Ain't that the truth!


David Neal
You spill more gas, it doesn't work as it should and you end up taking it off so you can pour gas!


Nick Petersen
Or buying a conversion to the old style.


Dominic Blais
Its not in purpose, it is in practice. They don't do anything to real polluters while regulating dumb sh!t like this. Not the oil companies and fracking companies poisoning the water. Because only fascists get to a point supreme court and EPA leaders. Its not like Green Peace gets to vote for who runs the EPA. Its nazi businessmen who are the problem and want to make sure they don't get regulated.


Glen Freeman
Actually it’s the courts who state that liability is the cost of doing business and that cost is passed onto consumers


Terry Easter Flag-Man
Bought one took it back

[tellomon]

Can a narcissist just walk out after 5 years, leave everything,
and forget the past?

Yes. Mine left just before our 29th anniversary. They can turn everything off and walk out of your life like it was a hotel room.

Things that you thought were shared and important, you suddenly realize meant nothing to them, including you.
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Hell yeah!
That's their thing.

Just out of nowhere you're getting kicked out or they're leaving. No build up or symptoms of a problem. Well besides the normal bullsh!t. There one minute, gone the next.

More than likely they found new supply. You got boring. They could care less about years together, time spent, memories, and most of all..... YOU.

It doesn't phase them one bit that you're crushed or hurt.
They figure you deserve the feelings you are experiencing.
You are nothing to them now. It's like they never knew you, just a stranger.

Narcissist don't store the past, memories, good times, vacations, holidays, etc as we do. They have them up there somewhere but it's too hard to find them. We never had a special place in their head or heart.

We're jumbled in with yesterday's trash, and just like *SNAP* it's over.
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One of the more distressing things that victims of narcissist have to accept, is just how little they mattered to the narcissist.

So yes, a narcissist can leave after 5 years- heck, after 40- leave everything (including pets and children) and forget everything.

You see, it is all about them, and their selfish interests, and to hang with how that makes their partner or children feel. They are finished with that chapter- time to move on to another, shinier, newer model of Supply and treat him or her the same.

So when all you did was love them, care for them, look after them, and sacrifice your youth, your looks, your career, your friends etc. - this is how they are likely to treat you.

That is why I am on this site, trying to tell everyone who is with a narcissist that no matter what you do, and how many sacrifices you make , the narcissist will probably leave you, suddenly, cruelly, for no apparent reason, and without a backwards glance.

For more on how and why this happens, read "Is There A narcissist In Your Life?" Amanda Clymont
Amazon.

She has been where you are- learn what to do now.
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Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health (READ: Illness) condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.
While I can provide some general information, it's important to note that every individual is unique, and the behavior of someone with narcissistic traits can vary widely.

In the context of a relationship, a person with narcissistic traits may exhibit behaviors such as manipulation, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a tendency to prioritize their own needs and desires above those of others. It is possible for a narcissist to abruptly end a relationship, leave everything behind, and seemingly move on without looking back, as they may not have the same emotional attachment or sense of responsibility towards the relationship or the people involved.

Narcissists often struggle with maintaining long-term, meaningful relationships due to their difficulty in forming genuine emotional connections and their tendency to prioritize their own needs. As a result, they may be more likely to walk away from a relationship without much consideration for the impact on others or the history shared in the past.

If you are in a situation where a narcissistic individual has abruptly ended a relationship and left without looking back, it can be a painful and confusing experience. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to process your feelings and navigate the aftermath of the relationship.

It's worth noting that while individuals with narcissistic traits may exhibit certain behaviors, it is not possible to diagnose someone with a personality disorder without a proper evaluation by a qualified mental health professional.

If you are concerned about your own well-being or the well-being of someone you know, I recommend seeking guidance from a mental health professional for personalized support and advice.
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Absolutely!

Out of nowhere, they'll give illogical and weird excuses to leave you. Excuses will be like they don't know where the relationship is going, they aren't ready for a relationship, they have to focus on their careers, etc. All of a sudden, they will remember that they have their careers to focus on. This is crap!!

A narcissist won't even care about your feelings.

Even when they will apologise for their actions, they will make it look as if they are obliged to apologize. You will lose your sanity over them. You will try to communicate everything in details yet they will reply with an “OK”.

For a narcissist, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, any amount of time doesn't matter. When they feel like their so-called “needs” aren't getting fulfilled anymore, they will leave.
Off they go to Greener Supply Pastures.

So when a person leaves you, even after you've made all efforts of saving the relationship, open the doors for them and let them go with dignity. They don't even deserve your anger!!

https://www.quora.com/Can-a-narcissist-just-walk-out-after-5-years-leave-everything-and-forget-the-past

[tellomon]

In the context of a relationship, a person with narcissistic traits may exhibit behaviors such as manipulation, a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, and a tendency to prioritize their own needs and desires above those of others.

[tellomon]

Narc:
         Ron, you don't have any Rights.
         You are a squatter.
         You are trespassing.
         You are living here illegally.
         I HATE YOU!

"You physically BROUGHT me here 9 years ago".

[tellomon]

If narcissism is an incurable brain disorder, don’t narcissists deserve compassion?

No.
They are not sick.
They know exactly what they are doing.

They are evil. They are selfish.
And they WILL f*ck you up!

They are liars. They manipulate you to serve their interests. They do not deserve any compassion and they will never change.

It's the people .. who think they have a brain disorder, which is incurable …they are taking their side.

It's generally therapists untrained in personality disorders.

It's the lack of healing help.

It's the victim blaming.

It's everyone who doesn't understand narcissistic abuse.

Sounds harsh?
Good!
Because any sympathy for them will destroy your life and that is even harsher.

Get tf out.
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Yes, they do deserve compassion.

But, we need to remember that we don't deserve the way they treat us.

One of the most damning things is that when we try to be compassionate to people we forget to love ourselves. And then it starts, the devalueing, demeaning, abuse, etc.

So, in conclusion, be compassionate, but don't forget to love yourself.

This content is available for free and if you're reading this in a paid space or behind a paywall you're being ripped off.
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I think anybody suffering from a chronic condition, be it physical or mental, deserves compassion; compassion is one of the traits that make us human. So yes, narcissists deserve compassion as much as the person battling cystic fibrosis or depression.

As a society we have help and support in place to help individuals with most conditions, practical support, emotional support and medical support. It is there, it is available, just say the word and help can be yours.

Ah, problem.

My ex would never accept help. She has no problem so why should she? It was me that had issues not her. She never did anything wrong, it was my interpretation of her actions that was askew, her actions were normal.

So therein lies the problem.
My compassion led me down the path of trying to help her, to try and work out the issues we were having. Unfortunately this particular path led me to the brink of the abyss, from which I was lucky to escape with my sanity intact.

So I cannot feel compassion for her, as she will do nothing to warrant it.
 
Instead, I pity her. I pity the paucity of her emotions.
I pity her ability to never feel love like the love I once thought I felt for her.
I pity the hell that she re-lived in her mind everyday and I pity the fact that she will repeat these actions, replay the games, for the rest of her life.
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It's not a disorder that makes them unaccountable.

People who are unaccountable deserve compassion from society and individuals just as society and individuals both deserve to be able to function while unaccountable people are treated separate.

People who are accountable for their actions are just that, disordered or not, they are their own responsibility, not yours,

They know what they do, and before anyone says "They can't help themselves ", ask anyone who's had their inmost core and lives ripped apart by a narcissist for what they had to do to "help themselves" and not shoot the said narcissist in the head.

You may conceptualise the need for compassion for someone who has a diagnosed low impulse control over a distorted emocional vision of the world when you separate it from the control others had to have because of emotional harm and, same as what narcissists where purportedly subjected to, deep trauma,

But the more I read about the subject, the more I can't understand why should any such separation be made.

Either they are accountable or they're not.
And just like with any other condition, this is the only perspective that I'm interested in.

https://www.quora.com/If-narcissism-is-an-incurable-brain-disorder-don-t-narcissists-deserve-compassion

[tellomon]

What are some ways to get a narcissist to admit they are wrong without acknowledging that they were right?

               

Believe it or not... Narcs, can’t admit, or even believe that they are wrong.

What’s wrong with you?! Don’t you know that all Narcs know that they are perfect like Mary Poppins in every way?
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They already know where they are wrong. It would be impossible to avoid it so completely without an understanding of the situation. Admitting blame is what they pathologically avoid and are incapable of.
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Don’t waste your time dear. They will never admit they’re wrong. Remember, that's what makes them a Narcissist… They think they’re superior!
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There is no way to get them to admit that they are wrong.

They will do anything and everything to get around it, including denying that the event happened, turning it around on you by saying that you made them do it, steering away the conversation to bring up some unrelated event where either you did something wrong or where they did something wonderful. If they are publicly shamed whereby there are multiple witnesses to a bad behavior, they may just cut the wronged person off completely in order to avoid apologizing.

They are extremely insecure and ashamed of themselves, and are constantly trying to show the world an ideal image. They have no empathy and don’t understand that it is OK to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. They can’t forgive others for hurting them, so they don’t believe others are really capable of forgiveness either. Their solution therefore is to never BE wrong.
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So, the narcissist was right but you want to get them to admit they were wrong?
Gaslight much?

If this is the case you shouldn’t do this.
You are no better than what you claim they are.
__________________________________________

Ron Culley

It is not possible.
Next question, please….

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-ways-to-get-a-narcissist-to-admit-they-are-wrong-without-acknowledging-that-they-were-right

How do you get a narcissist to see where they are wrong?

It's impossible, if they're unaware of their condition.

An untreated narcissist can't self reflect and acknowledge their shame, so to avoid seeing and feeling it, they use grandiosity to convince themselves and their supplies that they're special, and refuse to accept any form of criticism or blame for anything that they do or cause.

They will project their bad feelings onto you, because you're wrong and it's your fault.

End of story.
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You don’t.

That’s pretty simple.
A narcissist will never see that their ways are wrong and if you’re lucky enough that they actually do, they would never admit it. A narcissist will never actively admit to a mistake unless they for some reason think it would benefit them more than do harm.
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LMFAO! That, will never happen! Narcissists are utterly incapable of finding fault in their actions. You have to understand. They are delusional! They don’t live in reality. They live inside of a fantasy in their mind. Every event that occurs in reality is altered to fit the narrative of this fantasy.

And in that fantasy, you are the SOLE cause of every single event that leads to conflict.

You have a better chance of seeing pigs fly!
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You can lead a horse to water…

Narcissists will never accept blame, but you can make them hurt. If the narcissist understands that you can and will punish certain behaviours, they will be much more careful about how they will behave towards you.

Only able to attach negatively, it should be understood by now that they will hate you forever.

Still, you have things to achieve, and if you must weather the hate of the eternally jealous, so be it.

It's the subtle things that hurt narcissists most.
The gentle exclusions, the implied rejection, death by a thousand paper cuts on the highly sensitive head of their Pathologically Grandiose Self.

By keeping it subtle, you protect yourself from backlash. You use your image as a shield from which to snipe behind, you twist the knife just the right amount.

In order to be in the position to hurt the narcissist, you can't just work at the same level as them — they lie, which makes them seem much greater than they are.

You must put in work.

The only way to beat them is to massively outwork them, so that even the advantages of their lies, their fake and phony image are not enough to equal your increased output. Once you are a hard working, high status person, your opinion counts again, as does who you choose to socialize with or (more telling still) who you choose not to.

Narcissists who are not kept in check become increasingly grandiose, ever more dangerous in their delusions. You're doing everyone a service by taking them down a peg or two.

It's a dirty job.
____________________________________

Unfortunately, you won’t get a narcissist to see where they are wrong, because of many different factors.

One main factor is that they have no sense of self-reflection.
Self-reflection means to observe and analyze oneself in order to grow or change as an individual.
 
This is not the case for someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), because they have convinced themselves that there is no need to grow or change.
 
Self-reflection refers to in-depth awareness of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects that governs one's life, and a Narcissist’s Personality Disorder governs their entire life.

Self-awareness is also the process of mirroring and assessing yourself consciously, and those with NPD subconsciously mirror and assess your life, thoughts, feelings, emotions, and actions.

These toxic individuals create a false sense of connection with another person by mimicking their thoughts, feelings, interests, or behaviors. This is done as part of their abusive patterns to establish a rapport and build an unhealthy connection with you. With that being said anything that you try to bring to their attention or correct their behavior will result in wasted energy on your part.

Another factor would be that you can’t get someone to see where they are wrong if they don’t feel or think that they are wrong due to their deficiency of empathy, and lack of self-reflection.

For the most part they struggle with accountability and will easily redirect the issue onto you. Trying to get them to see where they are wrong or at fault is a losing battle, and not worth your time or energy even if you have concrete evidence.

You’re dealing with someone who is driven by grandiosity, arrogance, ignorance, power, and control. Narcissists have a very strong false sense of superiority, which makes anything that you try to bring to their attention invalid or having no value to them when it is coming from you.

So, whatever the issue maybe that you wish to address will only be turned around onto you so fast to show you all that is wrong with you. This is why it is not even worth addressing their problems to get them to understand what is wrong.

They know what is wrong, and they will find joy-excitement watching you try to challenge them or change them. It is a game for them when they see their victims attempting to display their wrong behavior, because this sends the message that they have you exactly where they want you to be.

The key take away is that healthy people who are self-reflective are aware of themselves, and they actually know themselves much better than anyone else.

This is the opposite for someone who is a narcissist, because they're too occupied manipulating, using and abusing others. They spend most of their time and energy observing and reflecting on their victims' vulnerabilities as a way to get their needs met.

It is important to work on yourself, know your self-worth, and do not waste any more time/energy on trying to get someone to see where they are wrong. Their problems belong to them -- NOT YOU!

May you know the signs. May you not remain a victim, and may you do whatever you can to protect your mental-emotional health.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-get-a-narcissist-to-see-where-they-are-wrong

[tellomon]

At what point will a narcissist go quiet?

In my experience, narcissists “go quiet” for various reasons and in different ways, depending on the type of relationship, the stage of that relationship, and whether they believe their silence or sudden change in behavior will have any impact.

Silence becomes a weapon to manipulate communication (stonewalling, withholding, switching off), a tool for training compliance (think interrogation rooms), or a punishment for not meeting their demands.

Switching Off: Narcissists, especially covert ones, use a tactic called “switching off” where they remain present in your life but suddenly “turn off” the expected interaction, reaction, and involvement. This is their way of signaling boredom, annoyance, or inconvenience caused by your presence.

It’s particularly common when it’s your turn to vent or express feelings, leaving you feeling shockingly disrespected. For them, it’s as simple as flipping a switch, but for you, it alters your reality, creating confusion without any clear reason. This silent treatment can be verbal or expressed through body language, like turning away from you or walking away suddenly.

This behavior, referred to as “bait and switch,” leaves you feeling foolish for being at a heightened level of energy alone. It’s a form of gaslighting, altering your perception and making you feel insignificant. Narcissists don’t form attachments, so the disconnect you feel is non-existent to them.

Avoidance: Unlike prolonged silence, avoidance is not meant to be a noticeable punishment but rather a “pause” in engagement for the narcissist to regroup and approach the situation anew.

At first, it manifests as endless excuses—they’re suddenly too busy or tired for you but not for others. Their mask slips, and they avoid facing the shame, guilt, and embarrassment from your altered perception of them. Avoidance occurs when you provide “negative fuel,” and they seek “positive fuel” elsewhere. They hope that by the time they return, you’ll have forgotten the issue and offer positive fuel again.

Triangulation: In romantic relationships, friendships, and work settings, narcissists go quiet with you while making it clear that they’re giving their time, energy, affection, and praise to someone else. They might even reach out to let you know they hung out with someone else. This tactic is meant to create insecurity and jealousy, making you work to regain your place in their life. They want you to feel as though you’ve “won” them back, irrespective of their previous mistreatment.

Silent Treatment: Silent treatments are used as punishment for confronting them, standing up for yourself, or not validating their self-importance. It’s a way to “teach you a lesson,” causing you to reflect on what you might have done wrong. It’s like an adult “time out,” forcing compliance in exchange for their presence in your life.

Silent treatments often come without warning, leaving you confused and desperate for resolution. When they return, they dismiss the past and show no acknowledgment of your feelings, often making you apologize for their silence.

New Supply: Narcissists go silent when they’ve replaced you with someone new, disregarding your feelings entirely. Yesterday, you were their best friend or soulmate; today, someone else has taken your place.

This reveals that they never valued you but rather how you saw them. When you no longer see them as they wish to be seen, they find someone who does. Complaining about you to their new supply, they “go silent” to enjoy the new relationship without your interruptions.

Discard: Sometimes, the silence means they are done with you for good. However, it can also mean they are plotting revenge for not seeing them as perfect. They go quiet to spread negativity about you or prepare to come back and witness your reaction. Their silence is strategic, aiming to regain control and prove you wrong.

A wise friend once told me, “You’ll know because they won’t even be able to look you in your face.”

Don’t wait to find out what’s coming next.
There is no acceptable reason for their silence. Whether they are switching off, avoiding you, triangulating you, punishing you, replacing you, or done with you, match their silence with silence.

Block them and remove them from your life. Recognize that shady, inconsistent behavior is enough reason to cut ties, even without an explanation. Silence is the best reaction to their silence because it allows you to observe their true intentions. Without your reaction, they lose power and reveal their own motives. You’ll realize your presence was never a necessity to them, merely an accessory. Pay close attention to their actions in your absence, and you’ll be grateful for their silence, wishing it had come sooner.
__________________________________

Mine finally went quiet, once I told him to f*ck off, get some therapy, leave me alone and told him about the great sex I was having with my new younger partner… 😊 Worked a treat…

Good Riddance to the nasty, lying kidult… 👏

Addendum… 3 years on and he still calls, leaves messages, sends songs. Mind you he is now 3 years with a new woman (victim). 🤯 I have him listed as Loser, so when Loser calls I ignore and delete. 🤣 He is delusional!
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A narcissist will go quiet as soon as you either stop feeding their need for supply, whether its positive or negative, or when you display true boundaries and internal fortitude. That's it. Remember…ANY attention or contact, even third party, is supply. That moment when you find yourself realizing by chance that the narcissist hasn't taken up any of your thoughts is a liberating moment. That is true freedom.
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Narcs generally contact you if they want something from you: attention, money, sex, validation; in one word, SUPPLY. This means that the first consideration is what they want right now.

Then they ask themselves whether you can provide them with that or not. If you consistently and continuously satisfied all their requests, they’d probably ask for more. If you often denied all their needs, they’d look for someone new.

In any case, I think there’s something extremely more important than knowing if and when a narc would go quiet; I think you should ask yourself what you really want. Do you want to wait for their next move and act accordingly? Do you wanna wait for someone who consistently let you down/hurt you/ made you think that you were never enough?

Ask yourself if you’re ready to cut off any contact with them; it’s something important, but we all have our own time and ways. The thing is, the less you engage in their mind games, the less satisfaction they’ll get, the more likely will it be to get rid of them.

Of course they can go no contact for a while and then they’ll come back; but the really important thing, is how you see yourself and what we had together. Spend your time understanding that better, so that you can decide for yourself what to do in case they come back.

Don’t let them decide what you have to deal with. Exercise your self awareness and empowerment; be the leader of your life; rebuild your self esteem while they are away, so that you won’t fall again for them if they come back to you. If they have a communication channel with you, you can never know whether they’re going quiet only for a limited span of time or the’re leaving for good.

But it’s not the point: be the one to leave for good. Not with words, arguments and so on. Be so focused on your life and your self love that whatever they decide to do will not change your feelings; you are the main character of your life, not an extra in theirs. Remember that.
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The point at which a narcissist will go quiet will be:

When they don't want to, or are unable to talk to you any more.

The problem with your lot is you think too much. Thinking thinking thinking. You don't listen to your gut.

Now I don't know if you know this, but your gut is actually a seperate organism. Hundreds of millions of years ago, a tube like organism swam through the primordial muck. A soft, fragile creature, its strength was that it had a massivley increased surface area on which to digest food, its weakness was that it was prone to being consumed.

At some point, one of these indeed was ingested, it recombined, and somehow merged with another organism that had a harder casing, but was limited by this casing, and its smaller surface area as to how much food it could consume.

And so the two combined their strengths and made their way better than either could individually, evolving, and mutating to this very day.

That alien creature still lives within you. Perhaps you can feel it now, doing its thing. It has more neurotransmitters than, and is older than your brain.

It is wise, and ancient, and most of all, it wants to live.

While you are dreaming, indulging in grandiose fantasies of love, prosperity, fame, your gut is right there at the coalface, processing the outside world in a very intimate fashion - you, your feet barely touch the ground, living in abstract realms as a disembodied intellect.

Your gut is like a noisy, lower class friend, whose rough and ready honesty you appreciate but ultimately ignore.

No matter how loudly and how long it screams at you:

"What a dick move! Did you just see that? Don't ya think that was just a lil bit f***ing weird?!? That b**** is f***ing LYING!!!"

You always have some perfectly reasonable, rational explanation for the narcissist's selfish, wicked and just plain odd behaviour.

Maybe you need to stop worrying about what the narcissist is thinking, and start listening to your rumbling tum.

It can spot them a mile off.

https://www.quora.com/At-what-point-will-a-narcissist-go-quiet

[tellomon]

"Did I already post this? Posting it again...."

Do narcissists suffer?

Very much so, it seems.

New studies have shown that highly narcissistic people actually feel stress and negative emotions more acutely than people who are not narcissists, in fact.

People often incorrectly assume that lack of empathy means lack of emotions at all. It doesn’t. Narcissists have mostly negative emotional experiences, and these are often very strong - disproportionately so - but narcissists are often very disconnected from these and experience them as out of control and coming from somewhere outside of themselves. This is overwhelming and scary, as well as confusing.

People also often incorrectly assume that not feeling bad for things you do to others equals not ever feeling bad at all, and again, it doesn’t.

It’s actually kind of ridiculous to claim that feeling bad regarding others is the only way a person can feel bad, so if they don’t do that then they must be happy all the time. Narcissists don’t feel bad for what they do to others because they lack empathy and even more importantly because they can justify their behavior. This does not mean they have no feelings or that they do not ever feel negative feelings.

Toxic shame, envy, jealousy, feeling not good enough, lack of self-worth, lack of identity and cohesive self-image, and much more make up the pathologically narcissistic person’s minute-by-minute existence and these things are exceedingly unpleasant.

Narcissists are also often confused about the way things work, unable to make decisions, unable to confront problems or solve them, and self-sabotage continuously. Lack of empathy causes them to have extreme difficulty communicating (among other things), they feel attacked all the time, and they are constantly terrified they will be exposed as imperfect, not good enough, etc.

They feel powerless and victimized, even when they are claiming to be omnipotent. They live in a world where you cannot trust anyone, even yourself. Their experience of life in general seems to be that the world is scary, ugly, predatory, and totally unsafe.

People disagree with this sometimes; the narcissist’s act can be (superficially) very good. But it’s a scam. All of it. The reality is actually right there in front of us the entire time. All we have to do is look.

Do happy people do the things narcissists do?
Do happy people say the things narcissists say?
Do happy people have the problems narcissists have?
Do they have the mindsets narcissists have?
Do happy people need to hurt others to feel better?
Do happy people need to hurt others at all?

No. Happy people don’t have or do any of the things narcissists do.

Narcissists are miserable, confused, and empty people who suffer very much.

That is not an excuse for their behavior, but it does provide some insight into why they behave the way they do.

It’s a good reason to stay away from them, to be honest. There’s nothing you can do to ease their suffering because it has nothing to do with you at all. You can only become a target for their need to constantly vent it.
______________________________________

They suffer constantly in their mind, they cannot live a calm, peaceful, happy life because they are forever plotting, planning and trying to create situations that make them feel better. It must be exhausting for them. Every rejection, criticism hurts them to the core and they will go crazy trying to prove a point or get revenge.

I believe that a Narc has a self destruct button, it’s almost like their medicine is to destroy everything good in their life, it’s a constant treadmill that they can never get off.
________________________________________

Yes.

And they’ve been suffering likely long before you knew them.

Coming from a cluster B family I’ve witnessed their suffering on many levels. Do not, I repeat DO NOT give them your empathy, sympathy or attempt to console them in any way. Though they may suffer - they are very dangerous and have no qualms about using you for their pleasure, destroying you mentally to boost their self esteem, destroying your reputation to get ahead or taking anything of yours that they desire.

They will suck out your soul and destroy your life like a demon in a horror movie if you let them. You may not even know it’s happening until it’s too late.

Here are some of the ways they suffer:

They cannot love or accept love.

Instead They look for a fairy tale romance where they are loved, adored and treated as royalty without returning the affection, attention or hard work.

They cannot accept their real self as they deemed it unworthy and discarded it for a false persona when they were a child.

As a result, They feel like a fraud most of the time.

They are also emotionally arrested at a child-like state.

They cannot accept their own imperfections whether physical or in any task they take on.

This means they constantly feel like a failure.

They have limited, shallow emotions. They know they are not normal and work hard to emulate others to “fit in”.

They LOATH themselves behind the ego and bravado.

They live in a state of constant jealousy. They are unable to be happy with what they have, nor can they be genuinely happy for anyone else.

They must be better than everyone else - AT EVERYTHING , yet they are always reminded that others are better than them. This quest for perfection causes them to quit many things before completion. If they quit they can say they did not fail.

They go through depressive states where all the bad they’ve done that’s compartmentalized in their head leaks out. They hide from others during this time in shame, wallowing in self pity. This leads to projecting on those closest to them and eventually unleash horrific verbal, mental and physical abuse on them to relieve their shame and self loathing.

All of the lies, half truths, denials and embellishments come back to haunt them. They can’t keep it all straight or remember which version they told to who and it exposes their true nature.

Because they often believe their own lies for periods of time, they also truly believe they are a victim.

Yet, They know what they’ve done to others - so they expect it’s coming back to them. It makes them paranoid. They never feel safe for long.

They have trouble making friends. Superficially some may seem popular, but all their relationships are shallow. Despite their mask, many normal people can sense something off about them and steer clear quickly.

They are soooo lonely. They don’t appreciate the friendships, love and acceptance they are given. They crave unconditional love but cannot return it or recognize it when they have it. As a result they lose it all or throw it away. They all end up alone.

Their toxicity causes abandonment which causes them to seek to punish those that walked away - which causes more abandonment by those that witness what they do.

They are completely dependent on others to regulate their self esteem.

Nothing is ever enough.

They are filled with boredom and emptiness. They create drama to relieve their boredom.

Their anxiety goes through the roof when they don’t feel in control. This leads to embarrassing outbursts and unreasonable behavior.

They have limited self control over their behavior. As they get older it’s even harder to keep the false persona going and they can’t stop themselves from acting out in rage or revenge.

They have to have the final word / act of punishment. If they are cut off “no contact” before that happens or they perceive “you won” - they will suffer greatly and be consumed by anger and desire for revenge.

All of this can manifest in physical ailments like high blood pressure, auto immune disorders and chronic pain. But the Narcissist has a tendency to make things up for attention. So when they really are sick - does anyone believe them?

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/Do-narcissists-suffer

Because the world doesn’t comply with their wishes 100% of the time… they think the world is against them.

[tellomon]

Are all evil people narcissistic?

Yes, all evil is narcissistic.

Evil enjoys causing discord and chaos, bringing destruction to innocents, and making life difficult and harsh for people. Evil enjoys hoarding and being unfair. It takes without returning, or tricks you into thinking you’re getting a piece of the pie too.

This world was founded on narcissism. The people at the top want to keep the people at the bottom suffering. They taught you that the only way to find happiness is constantly striving to get that carrot, so they feed your mind with lies that are taught to you by your parents, the classroom, television...The RULING CLASS.

The more you strive, the less you find happiness. The less you find happiness, the more you become narcissistic, and the more the world becomes narcissistic. Whatever resides at the top of the narcissistic pyramid eventually finds its way down to the lower rungs, so that even the poorest people will kill one another for a piece of that pie too.

Now, evil is not necessarily being loud and defiant.
Narcissists would want you to believe that.

They would want you to believe that revolutions are unnecessary. Sometimes evil sleeps underneath doctrines and holier than thou personas. These people tell you that taking action against evil is evil. I always state to such dogmatic narcissists that if it were not for good people fighting back, black people wouldn’t have freedom today, and women would still be in chains too.

But I think that’s what they want. They want things to remain as they always were in the past. So being brave and defiant isn’t evil, if it’s meant for courage. If you were evil, you would want the world to remain stunted, blind, and in a zombie-like state. They wouldn’t want you questioning.

So evil can be very cunning too, and appear morally good. Evil can seem like a “defender of the law” when it’s actually an oppressor. You really have to question and dig deep sometimes, to understand how evil works. It isn’t always simply visible, and it has no problem projecting on you and making you out to be evil.
___________________________________

Yes they are. They knowingly cause grief and bad times for people, just so they can feel good about themselves. If you have ever seen that evil smirk when they do something horrible, then you would know that there is an evil person behind those eyes.
___________________________________

I will refrain from using the word evil in my answer. I will just relate to you what they do and then you reach your own conclusion.

Narcissists abuse own children most. Much worse than partners are treated.

Children of narcissists are never nurtured or told good life advice but are GROOMED to provide ever lasting toxic supply to the narcissist parent.

Children of narcissists are taught how to gaslight, guilt trip and manipulate others.

Children, when young, copy their parents and these are the tools these children are indirectly taught.

Narcissists discard their own children and partners like yesterday’s garbage.

Imagine you yourself think you are in a very good relationship and all of a sudden, your partner, or worse your parent, wants nothing to do with you.

The rages of any narcissist are very traumatic especially if you witness a certain look. That look is definitely not anything human.

A narcissist always manipulates from day one to the last day. Any honest human being will be very direct in relationships as has nothing to hide.

Narcissists are normally cheaters. They won’t cheat you with one but loads of other people.

Why do they alienate children from decent parents?

Narcissists cause immense damages in victims. It is so immense that a ton of people suicide annually.

My conclusion is only one.
If a narcissist is the worst kind of parent and should never be around young children in an ideal world, how do you expect this kind of human being to act with others?

You tell me.
_________________________________

They incarnate evil in the here and now.

They stand in opposition to everything good and true. They are lies instead of truth, hate instead of love, chaos instead of order, derision instead of compassion, opposition instead of cooperation, cruelty instead of kindness, confusion instead of clarity, war instead of peace, evil instead of good.

They are the inversion of everything good in humanity.

Malignant narcissists are referenced, throughout the Bible, as Satan, the devil, a stumbling block, your enemy, a roaring lion looking for someone to devour, the serpent, more crafty than any of the wild animals, the thief, a murderer, the dragon, the deceiver of nations, the beast, the powers of this dark world, the spiritual forces of evil, the man of lawlessness, the father of lies.

Here is an especially descriptive verse:

John 8:44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

I once "dreamed," while sleeping with my ex, that I was spooned with a giant, black, hairy hog with claws dug into my arms, instead of hooves. I was in a room where cots were lined up and other souls lay sleeping on them. I tried to scream, but no sound came out.

After some time, I heard my strangled voice struggling to scream, and even weaker, as if worlds away, I heard someone calling my name. I entered the bedroom, and I heard the voice of my partner, behind me, but something huge was between us, blocking the sound. When I came fully awake, I realized it was him behind me, his hands on my arms, and I could hear him.

I would not say THEY are evil. They are incarnated by evil in the world, at this time. Spiritual nature abhors a vacuum. A dark force has entered into the narcissist’s vacuum. One only has to contemplate the “psychopathic smirk” on the malignant narcissist’s face, the twisted joy experienced through inflicting pain on another, to confirm the presence of evil. That is the expression of the devil, Batman’s Joker, a sadist. There is a weak remnant of the human they were, or might become, far away, in another world.

I don't know about their future. I know they are not here for the good of humankind, at this time. I like to think this a temporary condition for them and for us.

https://www.quora.com/Are-all-evil-people-narcissistic

[tellomon]

Is it rightful to forgive the narcissist from his / her wrongdoings?

Hell To The NO!!!

The Evil Things The Narcissist Did To You, Over & Over Again, Were Done On Purpose.

Remember This:

The damage that was done to you is REAL and Sadistically Done For Their Pleasure.

You were NOT allowed to Speak YOUR Truth.

You were Shamed for not wanting to be abused.

You were told everything that went wrong, was Your Fault.

You were Blamed for the Toxic Person's Behavior and forced to accept it.

You were Invalidated daily.

You were told to just Shut Up & Take It — Be Submissive And Allow The Abuse.

NO, it was Not Your Fault.

Be Kind To Yourself. Forgive Yourself—NOT The Devil.
Do Not Allow Anyone tell you that YOU have a problem for not forgiving the Abuse/Abusive Person(S) — Whoever Tells YOU That, Send Them To HELL!

NO, You Do Not have to “Forgive" Toxicity to Move Forward and Don't let anyone Gaslight — Manipulate — Guilt Trip you into believing that — Again, Just Send Them To HELL!!

Go ZERO Contact with ALL Toxic Persons/Environments — Don't Look Back!
LOVE & Be Loyal To Yourself.
The Narcissist Does NOT Deserve Your Forgiveness, EVER.
_____________________________________

When you have the need to “forgive” someone else for what they’ve done…. When someone has done something bad enough that warrants forgiveness…. I don’t think anyone who did that level of deed is worthy of receiving it.

Forgiveness is never for the abuser, but rather the abused. It is to allow the grip they have on you… the mental stronghold to be released. Reliving the event over and over and giving it space in your memory and in your body is continued punishment and continued abuse. This is what forgiveness is about.

It is never to let someone else off the hook. It is never saying what they did was ok. It is never saying it didn’t matter. It’s never a Get Out of Jail Free Pass. A person doesn’t “let it go” because it was nothing.

You let it go because it’s putrid and foul and it’s stinking up the place. Are you going to eat food that is spoiled, or are you going to throw it away and forget about it? Are you going to keep cutting yourself? Are you going to keep banging your head against a wall?

Forgiveness is releasing the negativity, the horrible-ness in your body, from your body and getting rid of it. Keeping it attracts more negativity to you since like attracts like. It is a person caring for oneself by removing the negativity, breaking the bond that causes between you and the perpetrator, and hopefully filling that energy up with love, positivity.

The best case for forgiveness I have read to date was this…. When you don’t forgive someone else, you hang onto the memory, you hang onto the event, you relive it over and over. You keep it alive, and you keep the event recurring over and over.

It is like YOU are now abusing yourself over and over with your memories of the event which cause continued pain. You are giving the event continued life. You are keeping yourself abused, as you are now doing the abusing by reliving the event. It’s the same as if you went back to that person and asked him/her to do it again, and again, and again.

Your body and mind does not know the difference between reality and thoughts / memories. Same impact on the body. So now, what happened once, you have done to yourself hundreds of times every time you remember it, by giving it life.

Are narcs worthy of forgiveness? Hell no.

Am I worthy of forgiveness to release the event? Am I worthy of being released from the bondage of what happened? Am I worthy of moving onto better events, and creating better more worthwhile new memories? Am I worthy of not reliving and abusing myself by reliving the event? HELL YES.
______________________________________

Hell no..

Why? Because they know exactly what they did to you.

Just to let reality slip into your mind for a moment let me refresh the part of your memory that needs to be refreshed.

And I’m not talking about the fantasy person you fell in love with, that was not real…

The person that you saw in front of you gaslighting you, hitting you, cheating on you, lying to you, yelling at you, scaring you, abusing you mentally, psychologically and emotionally.

That is WHO THEY ARE.

That is the person you were in a relationship with, that is the reality.

You do not have to forgive someone who actually hates you, despises the ground you walk on and never loved you.

Not now, not then, not EVER!!!

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-rightful-to-forgive-the-narcissist-from-his-her-wrongdoings

[tellomon]

          

[tellomon]

How do you make a narcissist see/understand that they are abusive?

You don’t.

They will never understand because they can only see things from their own point of view. It’s ME, ME, ME! All the time, 24/7.

Some say narcissists do understand, and that may be true for some of them. Those ones are abusive on purpose. You tell them what they’re doing and they say, “No, you’re crazy / you’re too sensitive / I didn’t mean it that way / it was a joke, can’t you take a joke? / I never did that, what are you talking about it? / it’s your fault, if you weren’t x, y, and z, I wouldn’t pop off…”

No. Just no. Don’t try to reason with a narcissist, you will never get anywhere.

Once you recognize someone is a narcissist, that is the end of the relationship because now you understand there was never a relationship there to begin with. That’s because narcissists are fake.

They are fake people.

They don’t have relationships. Everyone around them is something to be used, emphasis on THING. You are not a person to them, you are a THING. That’s why they can treat you so badly. You lack humanity to them. It’s like they’re color-blind to all the humans around them. In the same way a color-blind person does not see colors, a narcissist does not see other human beings.

In the meantime, the only non-human in the equation is the narcissist. They lack the basic requirements that makes us human: true empathy, compassion, an ability to love.

And here’s the thing: most narcissists have what is called “cognitive empathy.” That is, they know intellectually how you feel and what you want. They don’t feel anything about it. They use the information to manipulate you. So a narcissist who has cognitive empathy is actually more dangerous than a narcissist who has no empathy at all.

If you can’t walk away from the narcissist (because you have children together, whatever), understand that this is a non-human and you will never have a relationship with them. So you don’t have to try anymore. How freeing is that! You can now put your energy towards developing relationships with NORMAL people, people who will care about you back, love you back.

Obviously whoever wrote this question knows a little about narcissism, but not a lot. They need to go the next step and LEARN the parameters of what a narcissist is. Narcissists are very limited, so it doesn’t take a lot of time to learn about them. I have a space on Quora called “Making Fun of Narcs.” That because when I started learning about narcissists I depended on a space “Laughing at Narcs.”

It was a wonderful space, but for whatever reason, the founder got kicked off of Quora. I think he was trying to monetize his content and he did something wrong. Anyway, he hadn’t appointed any other administrator to the space and now only the contributors he named before he got kicked off can contribute to it. Because there is no active administrator, no one can vet the content and make sure it has at least a little humor.

And so now it’s just another Narcissism space, which can be scary and sad because narcissists cause a lot of damage and human suffering in the world. So go over to Making Fun of Narcs if you want to learn about narcissism but still be able to sleep at night!
___________________________________________

Listen - I tried. Endlessly.

I even recorded him numerous times during his insane outbursts and when I played the recordings for him he said “it hurt to hear them and made him sad.” MADE HIM SAD? HIM ABUSING ME MADE HIM SAD?

It doesn’t work that way. He is the victim in his story and despite mounds of evidence to the contrary he will work to destroy you (AND in my case not let me go until he was sure he could match any “evidence” I had - he’s a lawyer, it’s his work nature and suits his NPD).

Give up and let go. These folks are not out to support you at ALL. Even if you believed that. I promise you - if they’re a true narc you just need to walk away and never look back. Stay safe!
____________________________________

Oh please stop this quest now.
They know they hurt you.
They literally don’t care.

THEY DO NOT CARE that they have hurt you. They do not have the capacity to care that they have hurt you. If you tell them in detail, they will take note, so they can do those things ONLY WORSE, again. Please stop.

Tell your friend that the narcissist hurt you. Tell a counselor. Tell a parent. Tell your boss. Tell everyone, but DON’T TELL THEM. They literally care the least out of every other person you know. It’s just going to make it worse.

The best way to let them know they hurt you is to literally walk away and not come back. Be done with them and then they will get it. You don’t have to give details. You don’t have to tell them exactly what has happened. Just walk away, and don’t allow it again. They know they’ve hurt you. Please believe me when I tell you that they are literally waiting for a chance to do it again. AGAIN!!!!!

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-make-a-narcissist-see-understand-that-they-are-abusive

[tellomon]

I posted 2 pics side by side in facebook.
One was posted, the other was "Removed".

More on this story here:
https://www.ozroundtable.com/index.php?topic=8314.msg730706#msg730706

[tellomon]

What is the best way to respond when a narcissist says
"I miss you" or "I want you back"?

Ron Culley

Cancel your Man Card and start punching yourself in the balls.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-best-way-to-respond-when-a-narcissist-says-I-miss-you-or-I-want-you-back

[tellomon]

Why does a covert narcissists turn their back on you?

They hate you.

They care nothing about you, your thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, etc.. All that matters to a narcissist is the narcissist.
________________________________

So covert narcissists, otherwise known as vulnerable or introverted narcissists, will exhibit behaviours that are less overtly grandiose yet still deeply entrenched in narcissistic traits including a pervasive and obsessive need for admiration, a significantly diminished sense of empathy, as well as a very fragile and unstable self-esteem.

When a covert narcissist turns their back on you, it can be due to that fragile self-esteem as they are highly sensitive to perceived slights or criticisms, even constructive criticism. If a covert narcissist feels that you have threatened their self-image in anyway, even unintentionally, they are very likely to turn their back on you in order to protect themselves from further perceived harm (Akhtar & Thomson, 1982).

Turning their back on you can be a form of punishment which a covert narcissists will use in order to assert control and make you feel guilty or anxious (Miller & Campbell, 2008). The act of withdrawing their attention and affection, is a way a covert narcissist will ultimately use to manipulate you into conforming to their expectations or demands.

Covert narcissists typically experience ongoing difficulty in dealing with emotional intimacy and vulnerability so if a relationship becomes too emotionally demanding or exposes their insecurities, they will likely turn their back on you in order to avoid facing these uncomfortable feelings.

This can lead to the use of the silent treatment which, as a common tactic by narcissists, is used to exert control and manipulate others (Pincus & Lukowitsky, 2010). By turning their back on you and refusing to communicate, a narcissist, including a covert narcissist, is able to create a power imbalance that can make you feel desperate for their approval and attention.

Building on the aversion to being vulnerable, a covert narcissist, like most other narcissists, is typically afraid of being exposed as flawed and inadequate (Akhtar & Thomson, 1982).

Should they sense that you are getting too close to uncovering their true nature or vulnerabilities, they will turn their back on you in order to protect their extremely carefully constructed, albeit superficial, facade.

As a result of their protective measures, covert narcissists will project their own insecurities and shortcomings onto others. If they are feeling particularly insecure or inadequate, a covert narcissist will again turn their back on you as a way to project those feelings outward and avoid confronting them within themselves (Miller & Campbell, 2008).

Turning their back on you can be a self-preservation tactic. Covert narcissists may withdraw from relationships or situations that they perceive as threatening to their emotional stability or self-esteem.

References

Akhtar, S., & Thomson, J. A. (1982). Overview: Narcissistic personality disorder. American Journal of Psychiatry, 139(1), 12-20.

Miller, J. D., & Campbell, W. K. (2008). Comparing clinical and social-personality conceptualizations of narcissism. Journal of Personality, 76(3), 449-476.

Pincus, A. L., & Lukowitsky, M. R. (2010). Pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6, 421-446.
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Because their victims are a threat to them.

Their victims have seen behind the mask; have suffered at their hands and if they alert anyone to what the narcissist is really like behind the PR campaign, then the narcissist will be exposed as the poser, actor and fraud that they are.

If the narcissist has a great image to maintain, is popular and successful at keeping up the charade of a good person, then anyone who can be a threat of exposure will be brought down and lied about.

The way the narcissist sees it is: the best form of defense is attack. If they attack that person’s credibility and character, perhaps paint them out to be delusional, emotionally unstable and dishonest or worse psychotic then nobody will believe them if they do choose to tell the truth about the narcissist.

The sad part is that because the narcissist usually gets in first and are extreamely crafty and manipulative they are usually believed until more and more people expose them.

They also can easily make their victims look crazy as they make their victims crazy due to their blatent lies and perverse deception, victims usually react become very aggressive or emotionally wounded with symptoms of PTSD from the psychological abuse they put their victims through.

Narcissists are great at creating smear campaigns, they will say anything in order to keep their image intact.

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-a-covert-narcissists-turn-their-back-on-you

[tellomon]

I know you want this person to change, repent, care and atone for their behaviour.

But how can someone who doesn't think they have done something wrong, stop doing it?

Narcissists are a law to themselves. They believe they are God, answerable to no one.

In this delusion of "superiority" and "special entitlement," everyone and everything is an object to manipulate, mould, mine and exploit.

Of course, this means lying, cheating and stealing.

When someone is not genuinely remorseful, taking responsibility and caring about restoring whatever they have damaged, and much less the emotional devastation of those who trusted them...

Reoffending is not just probable... it's a given.

One moment of abuse is one too many.

[tellomon]

How can I protect myself
from a narcissist?

The moment you feel something is off..(and I'm not talking just a regular bad day that we all have..) not feeling well and being a little grumpy, etc. but a pattern…run! Do not walk..Run in the opposite direction and never look back.

Change your phone number, your email address, possibly even the current state that you live in.

And just a few red flags that now stand out to me like a sore thumb…

Every single person/partner in their life was a nightmare. They take no responsibility for anything regarding the ending of the relationship.

Finding humor in something that an otherwise human being would find sad or hurtful.

No ambition. Taking credit for someone else's work. Not willing to work for anything yet feel entitled to everything.

Talking about how important they are. “Highly respected,” even though they are usually the only ones who feel this way, and they have many scratching their heads.

Lying! Even some mild or ‘little white lies.’ They will grow exponentially, I promise you.

Lack of Empathy! Tons for themselves and all of their ‘tragedies’ that are pretty small in comparison to others truly devastating stories.

Once these things can not be unseen, unavoided..even if you just can't/don't want to believe it…always listen to your gut. It's never wrong. Never second guess yourself and this uneasy feeling. That's your intuition telling you run, don't walk. And never look back.
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If you have been conditioned and prepared to deal with narcissists, from past experiences, there are limitations on the harm they can cause you because you would have trained your boundaries into a sturdy position. It is a matter of enforcing what you already know.

Of course, you must not get romantically involved with one, because they will make it their life mission to break through your boundaries if you are romantically involved. But in most other settings, such as work, acquaintances, friendship circles, distant family, etc, there is clear scope for you to keep interactions superficial and high level, while your boundaries are intact, at least for the most part.

The secret (well, not so much a secret) is to not let the 'relationship' go deep –

keep your emotions in check, avoiding bondage, apply what you know, and you’re good.

Oh, and never expect much, keep the expectations’ bar low.
_______________________________

Accept the reality and detach from it. You must leave, then devalue the thoughts and feelings of the narcissist to the point of indifference.

First, do not merely accept, but embrace the following: This person will never change, they are not waiting for the right person to save them, and you cannot “show them,” or “expose them,” or “win”; every time you open your mouth, you’re losing; the longer you stay, the worse the damage will be.

If they’re not yet gone, get rid of them.

You will think of revenge against them. Forget about it. Detach.

You will wonder what they’re thinking about, what they think about you. Stop it, and detach.

You will wonder how they’d react if you tried a particular action. Don’t. Detach.

They will move on quickly, and find other partner(s). You will wonder how they do it, whether they’re happier, et cetera. Stop wondering. Detach.

Are they thinking? Not much. Underneath the skillful manipulative facade, there’s little of interest. Don’t dirty your beautiful mind with thoughts about them. Detach.

Suffering grows from an attachment to desire. You are going to go positively Buddhist on this, and detach. There is more Buddhist in you than you think - you have the power to detach.

Of all the humans in the world, the narcissists are near the bottom in terms of goodness, value and importance. The thoughts of a narcissist are without value or importance. Detach.

Nothing is less important than what a narcissist thinks.

Detach.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-protect-myself-from-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

What types of things will a narcissist do to make them look like the victim and you the abuser? What extremes do they go to?

There are too many to list, but here is one:

Any time you express your autonomy, whether it be about your feelings, an opinion or knowledge on a subject, it triggers a hostile, abusive reaction in them. To escape accountability for their behavior they tell you & anyone else who will listen that you were “arguing” with them and they don't understand why “everything turns into an argument” with their victim.

Your autonomy is viewed as abusive toward them because you are stepping out of the role they have assigned for you wherein they dictate who you are. You're merely a pawn in their schemes to be used up for the supply you provide.

Smearing the victim behind their back with accusations that are actually confessions of THEIR behavior provides them with additional supply when the gullible/easily manipulated flying monkeys believe the abuser’s lies.

It’s a narcissist’s endless cycle for cultivating attention, sympathy, praise, and denial of truth to fit their delusional narrative. Their enablers pamper their victimhood and martyrdom.
_________________________________

Unbelievable extremes, even sacrificing their own children's mental health, and physical well being, which in my opinion is as low as any creature can go with getting what they want no matter who has to suffer.

For a narcissist I know and a couple I have known are pity seekers, meaning they will say anything against their spouse or children that literally destroys others' reputation all for the sake to have others feel sorry for them. One wants total control of the household, meaning they control all the finances, even what you are permitted to think or say will take your life if that’s the only means they see as an option to get and keep control.

Entitlement is a major issue when dealing with a narcissist, entitled without any reasonable reason for entitlement. Just according to what position the narcissist holds in your encounter with one is depends on how far one will go.
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The narcissist looks like this benevolent friend who is throwing you are party even though they know you don’t want it.

Or they buy you a gift which is really something the narcissist want, and if you are ungrateful you look awful.

They plan a trip that they want but know you wanted to stay home with the kids because they are so young.

Narcissists are evil.

They are not below plotting to win when they know you don’t want to do something that the 2 of you previously discussed. You had said no.

They will shame you in front of other people so you come out looking unfeeling and wrong.

They will remarry someone with kids, and when it’s your weekend to have your kids, the narc will bring their new girlfriends kids too, because he wants to go away for the weekend with the new girlfriend.

They put you in situations that are so unexpected you are caught off guard.
____________________________________

There are countless examples and strategies.

Here is one about being the eternal victim:

They push you away with their behaviour. Then they get angry at you for running away from them and pretend to understand nothing.

Don't act on it. Don’t explain yourself again.

That way they fool everyone:

Play the victim card
Shift the blame
Guilt trip and
Avoid responsibility

At that point:

Do not defend
Don't chase
Stay No Contact

To your advantage: Most narcissists aren’t able to communicate directly with you. They involve a third party (flying monkeys) or come back with mysterious remarks as a bait for you to get back on them.

Know what you stand for. Regardless of any dysfunctional attempts stay calm and carry on.

https://transcendingnarcissisticabuse.quora.com/What-types-of-things-will-a-narcissist-do-to-make-them-look-like-the-victim-and-you-the-abuser-What-extremes-do-they-go

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Is narcissism a demonic
stronghold? The devil was probably the first narcissist.

Whether it is, or isn’t, I can’t really say with any certainty.

But I do know, narcissists do a lot of sh!t that is representative of the demonic.

I know they’re capable of doing things that would turn most of our stomachs to even consider.

And I know they relish in it.

They thrive on people’s pain, fear, and sadness.

What’s that saying about ducks and quacks?

Whether they are or aren’t living and breathing demons, or demonically inspired, I don’t really know for sure.

But, I’m not going to take my chances, or entertain them.
_________________________________

No.

This is why an education on narcissists are necessary.

They have existed since the beginning of times. God even knew of them. He warned narcissist about what they do. He does speak of them as well in his word. If one has time they must also read about them in Greek times. Fascinating to read.

It’s necessary for everyone to also understand why you attract these kind of people so you understand the part we play in the situations of attracting them and why boundaries are so necessary for our own protections & future relationships as well. These individuals are very disordered, professional support is out here.

It could also be helpful for everyone just to make an appointment & talk with one just on a general basis. You might be surprised what you learn about yourself, I was. Words that brought so much light into my life which supported the strength I carry today.
____________________________________

It’s a mental illness. Pastors love to say it’s “demonic.”

Who cares it’s not curable? Walk away!

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/Is-narcissism-a-demonic-stronghold-5

[tellomon]

Why you can't feel bad
for the narcissist?

You shouldn't feel bad for narcissists because their abusive behavior is intentional.

Narcissists behavior changes depending on the audience they are around. If you feel bad for narcissists, they will take advantage of your empathy and sympathy to use and abuse you. Any softness towards a narcissist will lead to your downfall.

People understand that narcissism is the result of poor upbringing, and sometimes genetic factors also contribute to the development of narcissism.

Whatever you have gone through in childhood doesn't give you the right to abuse a person. Every person has their pain and problems, but it's important how you handle the pain and problems without venting your anger to the people close to you.

You don't have the right to treat a person badly.

Abusing is a choice; you chose to abuse a person. Abusive behavior is intentional; that's why narcissists abuse you behind closed doors. Narcissists very well know how to behave toward people outside.

Abusive behavior is not at all acceptable at any cost. Narcissists have to take responsibility to fix themselves or just live alone; narcissists don't have the right to spoil the life of any person.
______________________________________

They persist in predatory, opportunistic behavior that damages and torments other people. They do it deliberately in order to secure whatever it is that they need in the moment: attention, money, sex, housing, social status, whatever.

You think they’re just innocent victims trying to heal emotional wounds from their childhood? NAHHH. They target vulnerable people, figuring that anyone who’s naive enough to fall for their lies, deserves to be victimized. Horrible.
___________________________________

Because I have no sympathy or empathy for evil. They are heinous, vile, demonic entities and servers of Satan. They are sent to ruin people’s lives on purpose and with malice. They are not human, they just look like and pretend to be humans.
______________________________________

I don’t feel bad at all.

And for anyone who says I’m just as bad as the narcissist for that, have you seen the atrocities that these people commit on a daily level?

If you’re okay with that, go ahead and unfollow. Don’t even comment on my writing, because I don’t care.

I don’t believe in God anymore, I don’t believe in karmic justice.

The only thing that the narcissist does is create their own “karma” that eventually destroys them from the inside out, but there is no such thing as actual karma.

The narcissist creates cause and effect, but there isn’t anything “woo woo” about it.

Nobody is arresting narcissists for destroying lives.

So why should I care what happens to the narcissist?

The less of them that exist, the happier I would be.

Why would I want evil people to exist? So that they can abuse the good people?

Wow, that makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, keep defending narcissists, because they just “need love like everyone else.”

https://narcismdisorde.quora.com/Why-you-cant-feel-bad-for-the-narcissist

[tellomon]

How will a narcissist act when they've found a new supply?

This is the stage where the narcissist starts hating you more and has lost interest in you.

Narcissists are unable to tolerate your presence because your presence makes them angry and frustrated. You are considered the most horrible person; narcissists will treat you like you did nothing for them in a relationship. Whatever you do in a relationship will never be considered.
_____________________________________

It’s probably not the answer you’re looking for, but at some point...
... The Same Way You Were Treated.

If they’re any good at their craft, they will customize their love bombing and devaluation to the new supply. The same things do not make everyone tick. And what a narc does is find your particular character weakness and use that to their advantage.

So, while you might have abandonment issues, they will invoke jealousy and insecurity into your relationship.

The new supply might have financial insecurity so the narc will get the new supply financially dependent.

But here’s where the fork in the road meets; you would always be worried about whether they are cheating and if they’re going to leave you while the new supply will always wonder are the bills being paid and will they be evicted.

Narcissists are agents of Satan sent to rob, destroy or kill you.
That’s the end game.

And Satan is smart and cunning enough to get you one way or another by your weaknesses.

So, your experiences might be somewhat different, your narc will make sure you both have sleeplessness night, experience extreme confusion and anxiety along with a host of other negative and detrimental emotions.

Do yourself a favor. Cut bait and move on. Get a Bible and read it. Talk to God. He will help you. Go no contact and don’t worry about the narc and his new victim. Thank God you’re free and go live free from all the negativity the narc brought into your life.

I hope this helps. Good Luck and God Bless You.
______________________________________

When a narcissist finds a new supply, there are a few obvious signs they give away.

The main one though- is you can just feel it in your heart. Something just isn't quite right.

The narcissist starts canceling last minute to have a voice chat with you.

They'll state something like, “I'm going to be busy with work coming up soon- I won't be able to speak to you as often- are YOU going to be okay with that?”

They'll start “scheduling” times to speak with you. You will go from speaking with them constantly everyday for the first 3 months- to them barely reaching out to speak to you- maybe a “good morning” text, and then once at night before they SAY, “they're going to bed.”

You'll also know they've found a new supply because they start speaking differently. They begin “mirroring” this new person. They begin getting agitated with you quickly- and come up with excuses for why they can't talk to you long.

They also just begin to be really forward with their flirting with other people. They'll just “like” videos of other women- and if you confront them- they'll act as though you are making WAY too big of a deal. (which a normal person wouldn't act like- if they actually cared and loved the person they were seeing.)
_____________________________________

Your real question is probably “Was the narcissist just being mean to me and only me?”

And the answer is No.

They are mean people. Jerks. The best you can hope for is that he runs into someone more manipulative than himself who steals all his money, or if he hurt you really bad, a borderline psychopath like Jodi Arias who leaves his mangled body in a dumpster.

Otherwise he's just going to continue his profession as a con man, a shyster, a snake oil merchant, a crook, a hustler, a grifter, a swindler, a robber, a cheat, liar, low down dirty rotten POS.

Love and light,

https://narcissistlies.quora.com/How-will-a-narcissist-act-when-theyve-found-a-new-supply

[tellomon]

Why do people seem so much more angry these days? What has changed in our society that could account for this?

People are not any angrier, but the internet has made many people appear angry.

I propose the answer is quite simple. So simple as to deceive most into not believing it could be possible.

People using social media are acting angry because of triggers posted by trolls. Trolling is the reason people seem angry.

The next time you are about to fly into a hastily typed rant about something or other, stop. Why are you so angry about a sentence written by a stranger? Could it be that it was written to make you lose your head? Intentionally placed in a feed to trip your proverbial trigger?

Real people are typically moderate in their actions and attitudes. Yet there is a proliferation of extreme, inflammatory, and just plain offensive content online claiming to be an authentic opinion. Is it, though? Or is it there to get you to argue a point of view more vehemently than you normally would because of the outrageous and polarizing way the counter argument is laid out?

Trolling is the new op/ed people. I think some people are so invested in this that they forget they are doing it. Entire personas on this very site are likely sham tropes meant to garner attention and controversy about hot button issues, like Narcissism or Psychopathy. Psychopaths don't get therapy, they don't self reflect and they don't tell people they are psychopaths. Use this information as you will. Do you think the next Ted Bundy is posting on social media?

He isn't, but someone who thinks it's fun to pretend to be him and is desperate to feel important no matter the vehicle most certainly is glued to his or her computer all day. The imposter lives for your reaction as much as a true psychopath lives to physically violate living beings. If you feel provoked, you probably have been quite intentionally. Just something to consider.
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I personally think jealousy is the biggest reason people are cruel. Even so called friends and family members will hate to see you do well and often try to pull you down. Second to that I find is controlling people they try to find positions of power so they can abuse you. I am so sad to say that most people I know in my life have been like this and it's made even worse by me being a people pleaser while trying to see the best in bad people. Be careful how much of yourself you allow people to take. Please never lower yourself to match that negative behaviour out of anger, you just keep being the best person you can be, bu***r the rest of them.
___________________________________

Your observation that people exhibit poor social skills, and are seemingly angry or hateful more so than in the past, appears correct. The question we must ask is why?

There are several reasons that might explain this. First, the fact even though we are supposedly more connected than anytime in history, we have less person to person or face to face interaction. This means people have opted for impersonal communication, and therefore lost the skills to communicate effectively. It is interesting to watch people in various social situations actually texting and checking social media while they are at dinner, or with other people. Sometimes even couples sit across from each other doing this.

Try if you can to imagine if all social media vanished, and all computers were suddenly gone, no more internet. How would the world change? News, and people telling you what to think would slow down. People would have to find things to do, perhaps then they would treat each other better.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-people-seem-so-much-more-angry-these-days-What-has-changed-in-our-society-that-could-account-for-this

[tellomon]

.

[tellomon]

Why do you need to stop feeling sorry for a narcissist?

You should never feel sorry for narcissists.
Narcissists have taken advantage of your feelings to use and abuse you.

People do understand that NPD is a disorder. NPD is a result of a poor upbringing, and genetic factors also contribute to the development of narcissism.

Whatever you have gone through in childhood doesn't give you the right to abuse a person.

Every person has their pain and problems, but it's important how you handle the pain and problems without venting your anger to the people close to you.

You don't have the right to treat a person badly.

Abusing is a choice; you chose to abuse a person. Abusive behavior is intentional; that's why narcissists abuse you behind closed doors. Narcissists very well know how to behave toward people outside.

Abusive behavior is not at all acceptable at any cost.

Narcissists have to take responsibility to fix themselves or just live alone; narcissists don't have the right to spoil the life of any person.
_____________________________________

By understanding how our feelings work.

Our feelings are a product of our thoughts. The thoughts that are likely to have produced your feelings of pity towards the narcissist are probably:

1- how unfortunate it is that the narcissist wasn't loved or validated as a child.

2- how sad that someone so brilliant (to the point of being a genius professionally in the case of the narcissist I fell for) can be so psychologically tormented.

3- how can someone so good looking, attractive, talented have such a bottomless void in their soul?

And you would be right in that they do deserve pity. But here's where it stops: Feelings of pity.

If you are tempted to act upon your feelings of pity, STOP.

Why?

Because that's when YOU start to become the problem for yourself. You are undertaking a responsibility which is not yours. You cannot fix anyone. You cannot make them happy. You cannot fill the void that was created so early in the life of the narcissist. Engaging with them in a dysfunctional relationship will not heal them. As tempted as you may feel you'd want to.

If that's the way you feel. I highly recommend that you read about real healthy love, not codependency disguised as love (which is what an entire industry of pop songs and movies is based on).

There is no better way to love a narcissist than setting healthy real boundaries for them (to the point of going no contact). By doing that, you are giving them an opportunity to ask themselves some important questions which they normally wouldn't when someone is being their love slave. If they do not see the opportunity (and most don't), then you would have at least retained your integrity, your SELF.

Drowning together with someone who is, isn't love. It's called suicide.
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In harming you and other human beings.

And no matter what you do, the narcissist will not change. It is the narcissist that must be resolute to face change and most of them are not courageous enough to do that.

So what is the use of feeling sorry for someone who still persists in harming everyone?
________________________________________

Oh, please! Is there a gun to your head?

Here’s how you stop feeling sorry. You accept what NPD is by reading books like Prepared to be Tortured. You do some serious soul-searching about why you want to squander sympathy on a person who doesn’t care.

You control what you think and what you feel. Not the Narc.

https://personalitydisordersmanipulation.quora.com/Why-do-you-need-to-stop-feeling-sorry-for-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

.

[tellomon]

HOW THE NARCISSIST CONTINUES TO FALL APART

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yshCcb4uQ4

[tellomon]

When Karma Strikes a Narcissist: This Torment Can Lead Them to Death!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-e4LIvympk

[tellomon]

Why Narcissists Panic And
Fear When They Can't Control
Their Victim's Life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf-ZfcLgZks

[tellomon]

Why does a narcissist discard
a good supply?

A narcissist will not discard a good supply.

A good supply is someone who will be meeting all of the narcissist’s needs and demands.

A good supply is at the narcissist’s beck and call *. Someone who is constantly putting themselves second and the narcissist first.
 
A good supply is someone who has something about themselves that intrigues that narcissist and makes them feel that they are important by associating themselves with the good supply.
This could be anything from having a lot of money, to being extremely well-educated or well-traveled, having a high-level career or some type of celebrity or know someone important.

A good supply can and eventually will be discarded for one of two reasons.
 
1. Either the supply is no longer meeting the needs of the narcissist and the narcissist has found someone else who is better in the eyes of the narcissist, or....

2. The supply has finally seen the narcissist for who they truly are and is no longer willing to deal with it.

One of the greatest fears of a narcissist is having their exterior stripped away and having their true self revealed and they will normally drop people out of their lives who have done this or have the potential to do it. They don’t want anyone in their lives who doesn’t think that the narcissist is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

If you are someone who has been discarded by a narcissist, consider yourself lucky. You may not feel like that at first, but it will end up being the best thing that could ever happen to you.
_______________________________

You are so right!

I finally saw him for who & what he was! I was totally turned off by him, I couldn't stand him anymore! He became repulsive to me. I had to be rid of him! I saw him as a weak, empty, dark soul, incapable of ever loving himself or anybody else! I asked him to leave & take all his things with him!

How dare he come into my world, my home & treat me the way he did! I told him, I would be ashamed of myself if I treated someone in the same manner he had treated me! This was 4 months ago. Next month it would have been our 12yrs Anniversary! Sad!
______________________________________________

I started seeing him like that too, but I was more repulsed / disgusted with myself for being duped and putting up with a scum /pos.
______________________________________

Narcs will leave their source of supply:

When you stop giving them what they want from you.

When you figure them out and they can no longer manipulate and control you.

Narcs get bored easily. If your narc supply becomes stale in their eyes, they will leave
or give you the boot.

Narcs may keep you around for a long time if they get some things from you. But, they will be getting their narc supply needs from other sources also.

Narcs live secret lives. They are like a bucket that has a big hole in the bottom of it. They will never be filled or satisfied for long, no matter what you do for them.

In the end, you feel like you wasted years of your time, effort and money, on someone who never noticed or appreciated how much you did for them.
_____________________________________

Make no mistake, narcissist’s are incapable of feeling love.

They don’t feel empathy nor possess a conscience.
You represent a food source to them, no more, no less.

Imagine the money in your pocket, and give each bill a name—Sally, Brenda, Joy, Nancy… and each time you buy something you have to say goodbye to the bill.

Seems ridiculous, right?
That’s what you are to a narcissists.

Once they’ve gotten all they can out of you, or grow bored, or find someone else they find more intriguing, you’re spent. You were never loved. You were fooled into believing your narcissist was something he’s not. They’re walking, breathing, human impostors. Pass it on.

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-a-narcissist-discard-a-good-supply?no_redirect=1

*
What Does “Beck and Call” Mean? Monarchs and masters in the Middle Ages would physically beckon (or the shortened beck) their servants by waving to them. If the servants failed to respond with this gesture, the master would then call — hence, the servant being at one's beck and call.

[tellomon]

What do narcissist women
want from their partners?

To let her do what she wants and for you to do what she tells you to do. That's my experience anyway.
________________________________________

Any narcissist, whether its male or female, wants total devotion from their partners! In other words, they want someone who will accept all of their evil and malicious behavior and activity!

A narcissistic girlfriend only wants to do what she wants to do.
She can cheat, the boyfriend is not allowed to cheat.
She can lie, the boyfriend is not allowed to lie.
She can end the relationship, the boyfriend is not allowed to end the relationship.

Basically, she cannot take what she dishes out. I was married to one. She did me all kinds of dirty but all I did was end the relationship.
I didn't cheat like she did.
I just ended it and she called me mean!

But totally disregarded with all the wicked crap she did to me and the many nights my heart was broken and could not sleep because of her. So yeah, they can dish out abuse and deceit really well, but simply standing up for yourself and saying NO to them totally crushes them!
_________________________________

My ex female covert would continually say, ‘ No one is ever going to stop me seeing my men friends’…I realised ‘no one’ was me and her men ‘friends’ were her exe's or farq* buddies. Hardest thing I've ever done, walk away, slam, bolt and weld shut the door to my life from this POS.

* Farq is the story of two different individuals, Irsa (Sehar Khan) and Kamal (Faysal Quraishi) who come together to form an unusual union under compromising circumstances.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt23050176/
__________________________________

My ex wanted to be treated specially, but wanted to be left alone….

She wanted to be adored, but also was self depreciating.

She wanted to go out with her mates (usually guys) and not be questioned about her whereabouts. When I went out, she would always state she was jealous, but would rather stay home, YET questioned where I was…..

She ‘wanted’ gifts, but ALWAYS stated ‘it’s up to you’ and you KNEW you didn’t have a choice - this was even with her own family.

They want subservience. They want total admiration, with absolutely NO reciprocation. They dislike being held accountable, to any degree.
They want you to be a mind-reader and instinctively know when they’re in a a bad mood. Yet, you are not allowed to have feelings.
Your opinions are usually wrong - even if they’re scientifically provable. Or, your opinion doesn't matter.

You are NEVER their equal - EVER. They can usually ‘prove’ that their life has been worse than than anyone else's.

There’s LOADS more - but it really just is that they want the upper hand and to be in control ALL the time and to the victim/family. It’s DRAINING.
____________________________________

There’s a lot of things they want. And most of what they want will get annoying as f*ck but by the time it gets annoying, it’s too late. You’re bonded and didn’t even know what was in the making.

Off the top of my head, here are a few things they want actually; it’s what they need:

Attention. Not the normal attention. But when they text, you best text back or you;re cheating on them. You know? Like they do to everyone they are with and what they are doing to you right now.

Be their sounding board for their annoying drama. At first you might believe some of their bullshit, and even feel sorry for them. But after time it will get old as f*ck and you will be annoyed beyond measure.

Believe their delusion. Because brother, they will bring it. I don’t care what they say, you have to believe them. They will say some of the craziest shite that will make you cringe.

And finally, believe their lies even if you catch them in one, which you will.
Believe every lie, exaggerated story, stretched truth and most of all believe them when they say they love you and you are their “one.”

The only reason you are their "one" this minute is because you are still blind to their bullshit.

Oh, one more thing.... The above aren’t wants.
It’s what all narcissist need to survive.
If you don’t follow the rules, there is another person/supply/SUCKER in line waiting for their chance at this caring person that just “can’t” catch a break.

https://www.quora.com/What-do-narcissist-women-want-from-their-partners

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

You will not find groceries at Home Depot no matter how many times you go there.
"Let Me Love You!" The Futility Of Loving Narcissists

In this clip, The Little Shaman discusses the frustration of dealing with emotions regarding pathologically narcissistic people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfNBYLcyjJE

[tellomon]

       

[tellomon]

How does a covert narcissist attack their victims?

Attack or rather constant warfare is what covert Narc does for a living.

You work and look after the kids and the Narc, do errands and help others, while the Narc’s job is to attack you as many times a day as possible.

Here are some of the methods of the cover Narc’s warfare:

1) They criticize your choices and nag about them any time they have a chance. They act as if they want a better life for you, and pretend their criticism comes from their desire to see you better off, which is one of the thousands of lies they keep in their pocket:

“You should have chosen another [boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, friend, school, major, country to live in, neighborhood, house, job, doctor, insurance company, whatever]” They will incessantly repeat that line when you are very tired, when you need their help for a particular issue or just plain emotional support, or any other moment when you are more vulnerable to their criticism.

“So, what have you accomplished with your major, ha? Nothing.” [disappointed look] They will completely ignore your good job, good pay, the respect you have earned as a professional and the standard of living you have accomplished with your choice of a major. The point is to minimize and offend you and make you look insignificant and unworthy. There is no point to argue with them, because that statement was a big, fat lie, and if you challenged them, they would shower you with more lies.

2) They mock you for inherent aspects of your personality or physical appearance and conceal the mockery as friendly jokes, but the implied meaning is always that you look bad, you are not good, likable or lovable the way you are:

“You’re so small and so militant! Who would expect that in such a small body! A small viper you are…hahahhahahaha” That is a typical backhanded ‘compliment’ of a covert Narc.

“Your heels wear out so quickly. Hahahahahaha! You walk like a soldier.”

“Your hair is so heavy/thin! No wonder your haircut is always a disaster.” [disgusted facial expression]

“Your face is so broad! You look like a pumpkin…hahahhahahaha! Delete that ugly picture”

“You look like a clown with these pants! Only a crazy person would spend money on such garbage!” [condescending laughter]
“Oh dear, you used to look better! Hahahahahaha. Put on some make up or something.”

“Get rid of that thing on your face! You had that lotion for zits. Go use it!” [condescending laughter]

3) They mock you, insult you, cross your boundaries and question you for the way you do things, especially very insignificant things, so you can never relax in their presence. They make a big deal of them and make you feel insecure and embarrassed, sometimes even ashamed to a degree you want to hide from the Narc:

“Why the hell did you choose this route? You are so stupid! There’s shortcut.” There is no point to challenge them for calling you stupid, because they will raise hell.

“Why did you say to your friend [X, Y, Z]?” They criticize the words you use, your tone, your laughter or anything else that is your individual choice or part of your personality, so at some point you learn to not talk on the phone when they are around.

“You should’ve added more salt and sugar in that bread! I won’t eat it!” [frustrated tone and they push the plate away] And this time they criticize the same bread they liked last month, exactly the same recipe. When you remind them it is the same recipe they liked earlier, their answer is…blank stare. There is no point to argue with them, because the food has nothing to do with their criticism. They just want to hurt you with their passive aggression.

4) They give you nasty flashes that you easily attribute to a bad mood before you become aware that it is pure hatred:

The angry look, the abrupt movements, the clenched fists and teeth tell you you shouldn’t exist. You start asking yourself what you have done wrong, perhaps you’ve said something wrong and hurt their feelings.

NPDs do that routinely and you routinely question yourself. Or you get used to that and just feel their nasty presence as a boulder on your back. At some point that boulder becomes part of your body and you don’t even notice it is there. It is part of your life.

5) They vigilantly watch your breath, posture, microexpressions and walk, so they can figure out your weak spots of vulnerabilities in order to more successfully hurt you:

It is not just watching. It is sick. They monitor you as closely as a doctor, who is monitoring your vital signs while doing your surgery. But the doctor would do it to make sure you are fine during the surgery.

The covert Narc will watch you with one single purpose: to measure the prey and carefully calculate the next attack. They watch with such intensity, that they may sit behind you and you can feel them penetrate your skin and bones and suck your breath out. It is a horrifying experience.

6) They rage for no reason. The Narcissistic rage is very difficult to describe to a person who has no personal experience with it. The Narc will just pick a fight out of nowhere and pour wrath like hell.

In my personal experience, it feels like simultaneous tornado, earthquake, fire and flood. Hell breaks loose. The Narc will leave scorched earth behind. They take no prisoners.

I often feel if I have survived such hell, I can live forever .

https://www.quora.com/How-does-a-covert-narcissist-attack-their-victims

[tellomon]

NOW WHAT?

Maybe I should have deleted that last email.

[tellomon]

"I think YOU are a NARC. Here's why":

1,000 billion broke souls on Earth, all holding out on you, M8. What a world....

[tellomon]

Was
LOST
AND
Now
FOUND

OZRT Admin.

It was only a glitch.

[tellomon]

If narcissists only gaslight, then they would not be
such a major problem on this planet.

Is there any way to
stop narcissist gaslighting?

By simply making the assumption that every word flowing from their mendacious mouths are lies. You can’t make them stop trying, but you can sure as hell stop allowing them to succeed.
_______________________________________

I went no contact and got myself out of the situation, finally.
When they're gaslighting you, it's pretty intense because you think you're losing your mind.

I mean you can argue with all of the burden of proof with the narc but it's a waste of time as they will simply deny the proof and carry on as if you're an idiot and how dare you question them?

Understanding that these clowns are just clowns and are damaged beyond repair should help you in making up your mind to leave their sorry a55es behind.

They simply can't be helped by you alone. So please don't lose your sanity trying to fix them or the situation….. because you simply can't, unfortunately.
_______________________________________

If this technique is used then you know exactly how to respond.

You don't..let it go

Gaslighting is denying your reality.

Or say: “I see"

Or look at them and say nothing and shrug your shoulders.

Do not get angry or try and get them to see your point of view because they will use you wanting to work things out against you.

Tell them nothing of what you know is true.

Because they will twist it around and make themselves look like the victim.

They will deny everything of what they said or did.

The last time this happened to me was in an intimate relationship.

After it happened I got my things and told her that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with her ever again and I walked out of her life forever.

You must have a zero tolerance policy for this kind of behavior.

Gaslighting is the hallmark of someone who is a high spectrum manipulator.

You should have absolutely nothing to do with a person like this.

If you can get away from this person I think that is the best way to deal with this kind of person.

Unfortunately you are going to run into this in other places where it won't be as easy to leave right away.

Do not respond with any emotion.

Do not get into any conversation with them because they will rope you into an argument and make you look like the bad person.

Stop talking and go do something else.

When you come back do not ever bring it up again.

If you do they will use it against you I can guarantee that..
__________________________________

You can't stop narcissists from gaslighting you.

For narcissists, gaslighting is one of their manipulative tactics to keep you in confusion and get your reaction by blaming you. The best thing is that you have to stick to the truth and stand your ground. Narcissists get afraid when you stick to the truth.

Grey-rock them when they are gaslighting; show them you are very uninterested in communication. Give the minimum response.

Leave their playground; you can't expect to feel good when you are staying in a very unhealthy environment. The best way to deal with narcissist gaslighting is by not giving any response.

https://fphlhibflhdupulk.quora.com/Is-there-any-way-to-stop-narcissist-gaslighting

[tellomon]

"Risky or bold? I'm posting to flakesbook."


   Big Tech is a Narc!

[tellomon]

What happens when a narcissist leaves you alone?

From my experience, they feel “free”. They usually go out drinking, partying and doing everything that they couldn’t do while in the relationship with you. They usually tell their friends and family how you were the one that ruined them, how you were the crazy ex etc.

It’s not fair. I know it’s not. But remember,

You lost someone that didn’t love you but they lost someone that loved them more than anything.

Karma will get their ass one day. 
__________________________________________

Hunt for new victims. Stalk former victims. Watch porn. Indulge in other self-absorbing activities and hobbies. Pretend to care about others by exerting the most minimal effort possible. Eat. Sleep. Pee. Poop. Groom. They’re extremely simple creatures and do not deviate from their routines much. They’re also incredibly boring after the initial fake shine turns dull.
_____________________________________

In my experience, my ex has never completely left me alone.

I got phone calls and other forms of contact even 2 years after I had left and gone no contact. It doesn’t affect me anymore. My ex is an empty shell and nothing more, and nothing would persuade me to pick up that phone.

However, they do disappear for long periods of time and some may go away completely, depending on what type of narc you are dealing with and the length of your relationship. When you finally go no contact and mean it this time, in time they will begin to back off as their need for supply will send them back hunting for a new target.

Or when you commit the ultimate offence, and cause narcissistic injury, yes they will  immediately seek revenge, but once they have done that they will disappear for long periods of time if not for good. They will find another target, repeat the cycle, it is the only way they can have a ‘relationship’.

And although it is painful to realise this when you are raw and hurting, it is best for us sentient and normal beings, that these toxic monsters disappear for good. They only ever serve themselves and their need for validation, for supply, to feed off the pain of their target. They will abandon you when you no longer serve this purpose. And they will do it with all the callousness and cruelty of the empty human shells they are.

My advice? Abandon them first.   
_____________________________________

Regarding the diagnosed one I knew?

Nothing good. That was for sure.

He seemed to feel compelled to get up to all sorts of trouble for whatever reason. Intentionally.

Indeed, nothing good happened when he was ‘left alone’. He was much like a child on the loose when left alone…

He would get up to all kinds of nefarious sh!t like the duplicitous little prick that he was. So untrustworthy was he. Just like a racehorse bursting out of the starter gate…he was finally free! As if being in a relationship was like being incarcerated for him.

When his partners weren’t around (including his ex wife), he would become even more of a child than he normally was and do all sorts of bad things…’behind her back’.

Like a kid in a candy store.

Porn. Drugs. Drinking. Frivolous spending. Making plans without discussing with his ex. Gambling. Flirting on his photography shoots and online.

Anything that he knew she would not be okay with or that she would disapprove of.

She caught him many times. He wasn’t that swift when it came to covering his tracks.

Their ‘relationship’ became a cat and mouse game where he was always trying to covertly get one over on her. She said that she eventually ended up only feeling like his mother and not like his partner at all.

He seemed to need a freaking babysitter when they were apart. Jfc.

She said that she felt that it was as if he was almost trying to get caught doing some (not all of course) of the things that he was doing.

You know what the worst thing is? He’ll teach his son to lie to and to f**k women around too. Just like his father taught him. Because that is what women ‘are for’. Only to f**k with their heads and to take care of their men anyway…no matter how badly they treat them.

Yuck. Who needs that sh!t? 

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-when-a-narcissist-leaves-you-alone