Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

Page 20                                                 

What does it do to a
narcissist if you laugh at them?

     Ha ha ha....
—That is the Ultimate Insult to a Narcissist. Their script is no longer working, and it feels like a slap in the face. At first, they will look confused…— Then, they will try to attack you with their “Sharp Horns“.

But, show them NO Fear. Stand your ground, let the Bull know you are ready to grab it by The Horns. You are letting them know you will No Longer tolerate their behavior.

BUT…

Do this once you are already. Have one foot out, otherwise there's HELL to pay—

WARNING: Do Not Mess with a Raging Bull, you might get Horned.
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Prepare yourself for a hate strategy that may perhaps last for years. Evil people are dangerous and therefore please do not play with fire.
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They. Get. Mad.
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When you laugh at a narcissist, it's a form of sarcasm. It's a way to put them in their place and to let them know that you're not impressed by them. It also makes you feel better because it gives you a sense of power over the narcissist. They may be immune to your words, but they can't ignore the laughter.

https://www.quora.com/What-does-it-do-to-a-narcissist-if-you-laugh-at-them

[tellomon]

How could a narcissist do what he did to me and be okay with himself? Why does he view me negatively when he lied and used me?

That is exactly what a narcissist does.
They have no qualms about trashing you, telling lies about you to others.

Use you. Oh boy! That is all a narc in you - To. Use. You. And a narc feels absolutely zero guilt or remorse about it. They feel entitled to lie about you, use you, cheat on you. Don’t you realize you made your narc do these things?

It’s time to educate yourself about narcissists. Narcs are so toxic you will never ever understand how they think. A narc’s thinking is totally bizarre and you will never understand it. Believe me I’ve tried.

They are incapable of normal healthy thought patterns. So a narcissist feels entitled to lie, cheat, use you because THEY have decided you deserve everything they do to you.
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I’m so sorry that you’re at this particular point in the healing process because it’s the hardest.

The narcissist is okay with himself because as far as he’s concerned, he’s done nothing wrong. Narcissists never take responsibility or accountability for their actions; it’s always your fault.

The narcissist doesn’t view you negatively at all. He views himself negatively and is projecting that onto you. He’s saying "Here, I don’t want this negativity, you take it instead".

Let the narcissist do his narcissistic thing with someone else. Rest assured that he’s going to treat everyone the exact same way that he treated you. He’s taught you a very important lesson. Never give your heart to anyone who doesn’t respect it.
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Narcissists do not think and feel the way other people do. They act without much regard for other people’s feelings and are very self-centered. They will twist the truth and be judgmental in order to make themselves feel better or get attention because they are spreading a juicy story (at others’ expense). Their world view is based upon themselves doing no wrong and making their own rules.
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Crimes against humanity start by dehumanizing a group of people.

Once you are no longer seen as human, heinous acts can be committed against you.

Every single malignant (non-self aware) narcissist I’ve met believed that they were the victim.

Let’s look at the hallmarks of narcissistic behavior:

Either seeing others as 100% good or 100% evil: If they see you as 100% evil, you have been dehumanized. Everything they do to you is because you are “evil” or at least an anatomical conundrum who is asking for it.

If they do recognize that they are doing something illegal, they will justify it - use your kid against you in court? Well, that’s justification for that time you “humiliated” them.


Lack of affective (emotional) empathy plus entitlement: This means that their feelings matter and yours don’t. They are special. You are not. Some have pretty good cognitive empathy. They know what you are feeling, they just don’t care.

Even if they do recognize that they are in the wrong (they are human after all), don’t expect an apology unless it’s a half ass non-apology said to keep from losing you as the supply. A gray area non-apology will allow them to backtrack if needed to save face later.

They are living in a state of reaction to certain triggers. Many of their actions are subconscious. That’s why it’s called a personality disorder. They are reenacting unhelpful (toxic) patterns without having a clue they are doing it.

They really do believe that they are the victim. They may have no or low empathy towards others but they surely feel it for themselves.

https://www.quora.com/How-could-a-narcissist-do-what-he-did-to-me-and-be-okay-with-himself-Why-does-he-view-me-negatively-when-he-lied-and-used-me

[tellomon]

What is a supply to a narcissist?

Narcissists wish to feel great all of the time, but as they never do anything that warrants this feeling, they resort to being greater than other people.

This fake and phony superiority is highly corrosive, as it is false, it is a lie. It necessitates tearing others down to make them feel worse than they are, on order to make the narcissist seem better than they are by comparison.

“Narcissistic supply” is a fancy term for abuse.

In order to abuse the narcissist back, improve yourself. Become superior to them in all ways possible, by being a better version of yourself each day. Don't worry about having a tantrum around them, your disgraceful and stupid behaviour merely makes them look better than you. Take your attention away from them, and use it to practice things, clean, plant, make.

You are reversing the flow of abuse, as the narcissist starts to look terrible in comparison to this new, more industrious version of you.

Abusing narcissists is your supply.
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I mean think about it. The Narcissist lies to you. You tell them they are a liar and manipulative. Is that good supply? Does the narcissist want to hear they are a liar and are manipulative? No. They want to be adored. Admired. Coveted.

Narcissist lies to you. You believe said lie, or you maybe know it’s a lie but choose to ignore it. Even worse, you delude yourself into believing the lie. You’re good supply. You admire the narcissist, you stroke their ego and you believe the facade.

A good supply is a doormat. Someone willing to be used and abused or is oblivious to it.
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It is feeding their ego.

That can take many forms- it can mean flattering them, laughing loudly at a lame joke, complimenting them, agreeing with them when they talk nonsense.

It can mean flirting with them or sleeping with them.

And it can mean staying in a relationship with them, long after the niceness of lovebombing (which was phony) has stopped, and you are being devalued and demeaned. It can mean looking after them, and doing all the housework (narcissists don’t help out with menial) and doing the lion’s share of all the childrearing- while letting them go out to play, which is often narcissist code for cheating on you with other supplies.

All you will ever be to a narcissist is supply- probably temporary and fleeting- no matter how much they assured you this time it would be different. They never felt this way before. You are The One, this is special. They said the same things to your predecessor, and will say them to your successor, and you will be devastated, because you believed the lies.

Please, do one thing- read about narcissism, to see how it all works, and what is going to happen to this glorious relationship.

The best summary I have found is a short, clear, book- "Is there A narcissist In Your Life?" Amanda Clymont, Amazon.
Read it, and weep for the time you have already wasted- just, please, don’t waste too much more.
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Someone who is always pumping them up, telling them how great they are , especially in front of others. Someone who always does what they want them too. On the flip side someone who is so controlled they will stay despite being subjected to horrible abuses and still try to win the narcissists approval.
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In the context of narcissism, a "supply" refers to the attention, admiration, adulation, or other forms of emotional sustenance that a narcissist seeks from others to boost their self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

Narcissists have an excessive need for validation and admiration from others to maintain their fragile self-image. They often rely on external sources of validation to feel good about themselves because they lack a stable and positive self-image.

Narcissists may seek supply in various ways, such as through praise, compliments, attention, loyalty, and even fear or intimidation. They can be charming, charismatic, and manipulative in their interactions with others to elicit the desired responses that feed their ego. Narcissists often have a sense of entitlement and believe that others exist to serve their needs and fulfill their desires.

The term "narcissistic supply" is used to describe the attention and admiration that narcissists crave and actively seek out to bolster their self-esteem. Without a steady supply of validation and admiration, narcissists may experience feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, and inadequacy, leading them to become increasingly manipulative, controlling, or even aggressive in their interactions with others.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-a-supply-to-a-narcissist

[tellomon]

"If they are unhappy, they will make others suffer for it".

Narcissists Are Controlling

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-JfMap6KkI

[tellomon]

"They believe if they don't trick, lie, manipulate and control people, they don't get what they need."
Narcissists and Manipulation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmPJHyz2ijQ

[tellomon]

How does a narcissist secretly
manipulate their partner?

It starts from the very beginning.

Even if for half a second they feel as if they are actually being sincere, because they can never be, it's a setup from day one.

They make you think that you are the sun and the moon and they are the living embodiment of your soul mate.

But because you are not on the proverbial pedestal for long, they make you feel that the failure of the relationship is totally and completely your fault.

Your fall from grace has left you confused with many questions. Questions they will never answer or even validate. You actually start to believe it was all your fault.

They isolate you from the people and things you love so you only have them to turn to, but no real advice, support and most especially love is ever given. Only more questions…

They have you believing that you are the problem. If the relationship ends, it was all because of you. Though you have been abused in ways you can not even describe, they will turn the tables and label you as the abusive one…the one they needed to discard, only to be left a shell of yourself all the while they have someone new waiting in the wings.

The lack of closure is quite possibly the most manipulative thing they do because you have so many unanswered questions, so many doubts…doubts about everything, especially yourself. These manipulative tactics are not so “secretive” once you start to understand. But when you are in the thick of it, one might view these tactics as secretly manipulative, but the writing is on the wall…you just need to put the correct words together to form the sentence that will save your life…

NO Contact is the ONLY Way! NO NEGOTIATION!

Then their secret manipulation is not so secret anymore.
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Narcissists often use various manipulative tactics to control and exploit their partners. Here are some common ways in which a narcissist may secretly manipulate their partner:

Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the narcissist seeks to make their partner doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. They may deny things they said or did, distort the truth, or make their partner feel like they are crazy or overly sensitive.

Love bombing: In the initial stages of a relationship, a narcissist may shower their partner with love, attention, and affection to create a strong emotional bond. This intense display of affection can make it difficult for the partner to see the narcissist's manipulative behavior later on.

Isolating the partner: Narcissists may try to isolate their partners from friends and family by criticizing them, creating conflict between the partner and their loved ones, or by monopolizing their time and attention.

Manipulative guilt trips: Narcissists may use guilt as a tool to manipulate their partner into doing what they want. They may make their partner feel responsible for their unhappiness or use past mistakes to guilt-trip them into compliance.

Silent treatment: Narcissists may use the silent treatment as a form of punishment or control. By ignoring their partner or giving them the cold shoulder, they can make their partner feel anxious, insecure, and desperate for their attention.

Projecting their insecurities: Narcissists often project their own negative traits onto their partners. They may accuse their partner of being selfish, controlling, or untrustworthy when, in fact, these are traits that the narcissist possesses.

Triangulation: Narcissists may involve a third party, such as an ex-partner or a friend, to create jealousy and insecurity in their current partner. By triangulating relationships, the narcissist can maintain control and keep their partner off balance.

Financial control: Some narcissists may use financial manipulation to control their partners. They may control access to money, withhold financial resources, or use money as a way to exert power and influence over their partner.

It is important to recognize these manipulative tactics and seek support if you believe you are in a relationship with a narcissist. If you feel that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, consider reaching out to a therapist, counselor, or a domestic abuse helpline for guidance and support.
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It's really hard for me to explain how he does what he does.

It makes me less willing to try and makes me feel kinda dumb. That's exactly what he wants.

But the manipulation and gaslighting is so subtle but often enough that after 4 years, I'm not me anymore. I'm a nervous wreck. My anxiety is on another level and I'm actually seeking mental health services but that's also playing into his hands and giving him the perfect ammunition to tell everyone how crazy I am and how great he is for putting up with me.

HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I NEED HELP, NOT BECAUSE IM CRAZY, BECAUSE I'VE GOT SOME IDIOT TRYING TO MAKE ME CRAZY!
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Before a narcissist secretly manipulates their partner, they must first, manipulate themselves.

Abuse of all kinds is all about the abuser gaining two things that they feel are otherwise missing from their lives:

POWER AND CONTROL

A narcissist doesn’t understand, that gaining POWER OVER others by placing others UNDER their control, only gives them the ILLUSION OF POWER. They desperately seek that of which they do not have. And because a narcissist will not search within themselves to find their power, they falsely believe that they will obtain it from you.

Feelings of powerlessness, are just that: feelings.

Power is a mental construct, an illusion of something tangible. Yet day after day, toxic people set forth to find and obtain this elusive power. Once they believe they have, it is very difficult for them to let it go. They believe they NEED it, to feel good inside.

And this is where your power resides. A narcissist needs you, not the other way around. They have been secretly manipulating YOU into believing that YOU NEED THEM.

You can’t GAIN POWER over someone. There is no upward movement of power. You must stay where you are, and push others beneath you. Manipulation is used to gain POWER OVER your partner, all the way up to large sectors of society, and comes in many forms.
Here are a few:

Gaslighting: A narcissist makes you question your reality. Narcissists and psychopaths believe that if you question yourself, then you will have to turn to them, to find “the truth”. They gain POWER OVER your very ability to think for yourself.

Blame Shifting: They are always right and you are always wrong. They are good, you are bad, and should be shamed and punished. What a powerful position to be in - and how lucky are you, to be with such a good and altruistic person.

Moving the Goal Posts: Determining how and when the game ends, gives a narcissist a powerful sense of control over you. You believe you have satisfied a request but uh-uh, not just yet ... you forgot to, or what if you, or, it’s not exactly what I was thinking, or I thought it was what I wanted, but now ...

Refusing to Resolve: A narcissist will never resolve a conflict. This is mainly because they can’t admit when they are wrong. No wrongdoing - no problem. A narcissist will placate you, with circular conversations and false apologies. They have no intention of ever actually atoning for any hurt or trouble they might have caused.

After you realize this, you stop even attempting to have any sort of real conversation with them, or seeking resolution with them. THEY LOVE THIS. To them, this feels like freedom. To you, it feels like oppression. And it is. Just another tactic to gain POWER OVER you.

Feeling powerless is a judgement, that comes from within. However, if this is not realized, and you believe that others have the ability to give and take power, as if it were currency (which, btw is a great example of an illusion of worth - power and money are cousins) then you are susceptible to allowing others to POWER OVER you, to place you beneath them.

ALL THIS WORK just so the narcissist can feel less powerless. I wrote up top that a narcissist must first manipulate themselves ... this is it. They’ve created this alternate reality, that so many others follow along with, creating so much devastation in its wake. When what they sought, was right there, inside of themselves all along.

https://www.quora.com/How-does-a-narcissist-secretly-manipulate-their-partner

[tellomon]

 

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

What is the narcissist’s
last trick?
Part One

Dr. Melissa Kalt, M.D.
Trauma/Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Expert, Physician,
Author Jun 10


The narcissist’s last trick is to take you down in court.

Highly successful narcissistic abuse victims are treated differently than lower earning narcissistic abuse victims by the legal system.

Your success is held against you…

This conscious and subconscious bias against your success is based on scarcity thinking. The belief is that there is not enough to go around and that if you have a lot, you must have earned it at the expense of your partner. The system or individual starts with a perception of you as selfish, regardless of whether it’s true.

You start your interaction with the legal system as a tall poppy, someone just waiting to be knocked down a bit, to be lowered to their standard. The greater your success, the faster and harder you must fall. Underestimating this impact is costly. (I detail another 7 costly mistakes leaders make after narcissistic abuse here.)

To be fair, this bias is not limited to the legal system. Scarcity beliefs and tall poppy syndrome are pervasive throughout all of society.

The covert narcissist presents as the ultimate victim

This is the modus operandi of the covert narcissist – to be the victim or hero (or both) in every story. They play the role well.

Because you’ve been trapped in the drama triangle for years —even decades – you’re accustomed to the roles of persecutor and rescuer. Once you’ve committed to leaving, you’re no longer willing to rescue. To the outside world, this makes you appear to lack empathy.

Now one might argue, a trained professional should still be able to discern the truth.

I wrote this book to show them how.
https://go.melissakaltmd.com/discern-the-truth

And they should. But most can’t. Out of laziness or lack of knowledge, they see “he said, she said” and throw their hands up in the air, absolving themselves of responsibility for seeing the situation clearly.

They believe the evidence shows they are correct.

The covert narcissist in a narcissistic collapse LOOKS like the victim. They are often disheveled, scattered, and appear to need support and protection. You, on the other hand, appear to have it all together. You are smart, successful, and you’re making things happen.

Your success is an agitator…

Your success and your story are irreconcilable by the listener. Their bias results in cognitive dissonance.

You are clearly smart. You wouldn’t have tolerated abuse for decades.
You are strong. You would have contacted the police if things were really that bad.
You can support yourself. You chose to stay in the relationship.
Moreover, because you have the developmental skills of whole object relations and object constancy, you remember the good with the bad in the relationship. The covert narcissist only sees you as “all bad” while interacting with the legal system.

To the professional, untrained in narcissistic abuse, your story doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t fit with the intelligence, success, and strength they see in you.

This disconnect is agitating. It’s easier to assume that you’re lying.

Many professionals don’t understand the trauma bond…

To be fair, no one can understand the trauma bond without experiencing it. This is one of the reasons it’s imperative to have someone who has recovered from narcissistic abuse guide your journey. (I’ll teach you how to break your trauma bond in this free training.)

A woman told me recently why she quit therapy. She described the therapist’s last words to her, “The first time your husband cheated, he was wrong. The second time your husband cheated, he was wrong. The third time your husband cheated, you were a fool.”

This is a therapist that doesn’t understand the trauma bond.

The legal system often doesn’t understand it either…

They don’t believe a smart, successful person would stay in an abusive relationship.
They don’t believe you’ve been abused for 10, 20, 30 or more years.
They don’t believe you’d take an abusive partner back.
Without a thorough understanding of the trauma bond, you look like either an idiot or a liar. Neither is good in the legal professional’s eyes.

Legal decisions have little to do with justice…

Doing this work, I hear extreme stories on the regular…

She opened credit cards without my knowledge and now I am responsible for half this debt.
He destroyed numerous valuable assets when he was angry.
She slept with my boss, and I was demoted.
He used my income to pay for his “escapades” with other partners.
She gave joint funds to his friends and family without my permission.
He spends all his money going out with the guys, not on our kids.
She refused to work for two decades and now is accustomed to our “lifestyle.”
Many states are “no fault.” The narcissist’s shenanigans aren’t even taken into consideration. If children are involved, their well-being is always prioritized.

Legal decisions are often based on who has the ability to pay, not on justice. If you have the ability to pay for legal fees, maintenance, and child support, chances are good that you will.

How to use your success to your advantage to thwart the trick…

Your success is well-deserved. You are smart, committed, and motivated. This is a great opportunity to use it.

Your single best move in any legal interaction is to complete your narcissistic abuse recovery journey as quickly as possible. If you’ve left the relationship and worked with a therapist, that’s a great start. There’s more.

Next, you must eradicate your rumination habit, which is extremely costly and moves you further from your goals. After that, you create clarity by understanding the dynamics of the relationship, why the narcissist behaves as they do, and why you respond as you do. You’re then ready to break your trauma bond and stop attracting narcissist drama. From there, you rewrite your subconscious patterns and beliefs.

At that point, not only does your legal situation improve, but your success becomes limitless. This is the work I love to do with leaders. If you’re one of them, DM me, “I’m ready,” and let’s have a conversation.

Excerpted from an article originally published on Medium.

Dr Melissa Kalt, MD is a leadership catalyst, narcissistic abuse survivor turned recovery specialist, and CEO of Sustainably You where we help Soul-driven leaders transcend their past experience of narcissistic abuse to create greater impact and fulfillment while they change the world.

Disclaimer:

This answer is for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or legal advice. It’s a recount of how I’ve been able to help myself and others heal from narcissistic abuse and how it may help you. For more, follow Antifragile Narcissist Survivors with Dr Melissa.

Though I am a doctor, I’m not YOUR doctor. Please consult a local professional for your particular medical and legal needs and circumstances.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-narcissist-s-last-trick

[tellomon]

What is the narcissist’s
last trick?
Part Two

The narcissist's last trick is to discard you.

This means that they will suddenly and abruptly end the relationship with you, without any explanation or closure.

They will act as if you never existed, and they will move on to a new source of supply.

They will do this to make you feel worthless, rejected, and abandoned. They will also do this to avoid any accountability or responsibility for their actions.

They will try to make you believe that you are the problem, and that they are better off without you. This is a cruel and devastating way to end a relationship, and it can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and betrayed.

The narcissist's last trick is designed to inflict maximum pain and damage on you, while they escape unscathed. They will do this to make themselves feel powerful and superior, and to avoid facing their own insecurities and flaws.
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In the world of mental chess that narcissists play, the final gambit, the last trick they pull from their dark, twisted sleeve, isn't just a move, it's a grand finale of manipulation and emotional pyrotechnics.

It's what I call the "Emotional Houdini Act" - the ultimate vanishing trick, leaving you questioning your own sanity, reality, and worth.

Picture this: After rounds and rounds of gaslighting, manipulation, and the roller coaster of highs and lows, just when you think you've seen it all, they pull the carpet from under your feet.

This isn't just ghosting; it's disappearing with every piece of belief, confidence, and self-esteem you had. It’s crafting a narrative so compelling, your friends, family, and even your dog would second-guess your version of events. It's an art form, a masterclass in psychological warfare, and you're left on the battlefield wondering where you even are.

This move, this devastatingly brilliant tactic, is the narcissist reaffirming their place at the center of the universe—at least, their universe. They twist the narrative, playing the victim or the hero as it suits them, leaving you as the villain in the eyes of the world. It's rewriting history, erasing your contributions, your pain, your voice from the story of your own life.

But here's the twist, the moment of clarity, your wake-up call. This isn't just a trick; it's your liberation. Their final act, their coup de grâce, ironically, is the key to your chains. The moment you realize that their disappearance, their rewriting of history, is their admission of defeat. They've played their last card, and it's a sign, a clear signal, that you're free.

Free to rebuild, to redefine, to reclaim your narrative and voice. This is where you rise, where you take the pieces they've left behind, and you build a fortress so strong, so authentically you, they couldn't penetrate it if they tried. This is your rebirth, your phoenix moment.

So, when faced with the narcissist’s last trick, smile. Know that this is where you win. It's where you take everything they thought they took from you and turn it into armor, into wisdom. It's your turn to be the architect of your future, and this time, the foundations are unshakeable. Stand tall, stand proud, because the game is over, and you, my friend, are the undisputed champion.
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The last trick is once you are totally hooked and blindly in love..... once they have wronged you many times but convinced you you’re in the wrong: once you have begged for it to be like old times again many times and after you have totally compromised your values by forgiving things you never believed you could.... they pull the discard.

They disappear or go no contact as if everything was all a dream.

They have likely already lined up or been in their next relationship so they totally are unbothered by the break up.

Meanwhile you are addicted and feel as if they owe you all you were promised. You won’t understand how someone who you loved so deeply could just disappear like that or move on so quickly. You may go years or a lifetime before you love someone so deeply and you will never trust anyone with such innocence again.
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If there's nothing left they can do, if they have soundly and irrevocably failed, when they cannot blame anyone else, they cannot browbeat people, or manipulate the situation, when their failure is so obvious and public that no twisting of words and facts can fix it, then the narcissists will fall back on a classic last resort favored among primary schoolers:

The last trick of a narcissist is to say that they wanted it that way and that that's how they like it.

Here are some prime examples:

She didn't dump me, I dumped her, I was tired of her anyway.

I didn't want the promotion anyway, I'm too good for that job.

I didn't go bankrupt, I got tired of the business and was tricking the bank to get out.

I wasn't fired, I quit because everyone there is incompetent.

They didn't reject me, they were just too blind to see my genius.

This trick is based on an astounding ability inherent to many narcissists: being able to convince themselves of their own lies, no matter how ridiculous, unbelievable, and transparent they are to everyone else.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-narcissist-s-last-trick

[tellomon]

What is the narcissist’s
last trick?
Part Three

This gets seldom talked about because in most cases, narcissists will Hoover and try to slowly lure a person back into this perpetual loop of abuse, manipulation, and control, but what SOMETIMES happens is a narcissist will DEAD you in the end.

The narcissist will DEAD you when he can see no other option and has decided to cut you out of his life forever.

This usually happens after multiple brief spouts of the silent treatment, preemptive discards, and of course, a lot of verbal abuse and sabotage on the victim - but DEADING someone or carrying out the FINAL DISCARD is a serious full measure used to absolutely destroy the relationship like it never happened, absolving the narcissist of all responsibility and preventing any further contact with you.

Why does this only happen to some narcissistic abuse victims but not all, you ask? Well, this will happen if the narcissist deems you UNOBTAINABLE- you’re most likely married/in a committed relationship, or have otherwise REJECTED the narcissist’s attempts at wooing you and he knows he cannot have you.

This may happen once you UNMASK the narcissist- you have exposed them for what they are and you have confronted them on their poor behavior. They will go to great lengths to deny everything and blame you of course, but once a narcissist knows you are onto them, you become a danger and a liability so they must GET RID of you.

Lastly, this may happen if a narcissist has found a NEW SUPPLY that he values more than you. He needs you to leave his life and not interrupt him during his narcissistic gameplay with his new target - you will only make things complicated for him so he has to push you out of his life.

When a narcissist DEADS you, it can be one of the most painful experiences you will ever go through. The person you thought you loved and cared for has completely turned on you and ABANDONED you. They will show you no compassion and will surely project all of their anger, cruelty, and blame unto you.

The narcissist will use every measure of cruelty to cut you down, make you feel worthless, and paint himself as the superior winner in the situation. He will at first, delight in your agony, pleading, and devastated reaction to his SHUNNING of you, but this will only make him double down on his torture - he MEANS to hurt you so much that you will LEAVE HIM ALONE.

He does not care how you feel, what you think, your side of the story - nothing. He wants you to cease to exist, and if it were legal to kill you, he probably would.

I’m sorry for anyone who has gone through or is going through this. It is incredibly painful and it will take time to heal from this. Know that your narcissist will give you NOTHING in terms of closure, answers, apologies, empathy- you will get NONE of it, so don’t go looking for it where it does not exist.

The person you thought you knew is GONE. If you try to contact him, he will ignore and/or block you. If you go to him he will look at you as if you are NOTHING and he will turn his back on you. He will take not a shred of culpability for the situation, and if he can smear you and make others believe you are at fault “crazy”, “obsessed”, he will.

You have to let this go, and I know how hard that is. Please seek therapy, go NO CONTACT to protect yourself, and work on your own self-love and care. It will take everything in you to move forward from this type of devastating betrayal and desecration but you WILL get through this. Best of luck.
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I'm not certain if the last trick that all Narcissists attempt is the same. All I know is my ex Narcissist's last trick was to attempt the final kill shot because to her, destroying me was only a game.

After being together for 27 years she'd walked out of my life as if I was nothing more than a temporary convenience for her. In fact, that's what she told me. She said that she was only with me because it was convenient and that her only goal was to get her hands on my Mother's wealth. My Mother insisted that I needed to file for a divorce or else. But I refused, so my Mother removed me from her will and decided that if my wife had left me for a man who was a convicted murderer then I must have been the worst husband that any woman could ask for.

My wife turned out to be a fraud and so my Mother disowned me for it. Go figure. Family is meaningless to me because all my family ever did to me was used me and treated me like crap. Talked behind my back, accused me of being something that I would never be.

And falling for my ex's pity act. I curse my ex Narcissist, I hope she burns in hell for deliberately turning my life in to a living hell of being alone and being judged by others due to her malicious lies.
________________________________

The last trick of a narcissist is often one of their most destructive and damaging tactics to gain control over their victim. Narcissists are generally skilled manipulators and they use a variety of techniques to keep their victims under their control.

Narcissists have been known to devalue, degrade, absurdly criticize or monitor the behavior of those around them in order to extort compliance or loyalty. They may also employ guilt-tripping tactics or constant emotional blackmail in order to maintain control over the people closest to them.

At the end, when all else fails, the narcissist's last move is often what experts call “Hoovering” — named after an old vacuum cleaner brand — wherein they attempt to entrap you by any means necessary; this can range from making false promises about changing for the better (which rarely happens) to projecting an image that everything has returned back “normal” and nothing bad has happened between you two (even though it clearly did).

It's important for victims of narcissistic abuse understand that no matter how hard they try, it will never be easy being around someone who thinks only about themselves. To protect yourself from falling into another cycle of manipulation at some point down road - seek help from a professional therapist who specializes in treating narcissistic personality disorder so that you can learn healthy coping strategies!
_______________________________

They have a lot of “last tricks” as it takes years for them to let you go!

Usually you get tantrums, faux suicide attempts, false reports to police, f*cking your best friend or worst enemy, anonymous text apologies at 3am. That sort of crap.
______________________________

Bait you with money.

After my divorce and having nowhere to go..I was promised a flat that my parents would pay for. I refused to believe it. My brother swore that they would do it. I only came back based on that promise because I could not afford anything where I was abroad.

My parents are wealthy and own several houses, garages and so on. This was another future faking. As soon as I arrived, I am told that I am the liar and they never said that. Now I am up sh!tz creek.

Careful of narcissistic families. And if there is a Golden Boy or Golden Girl in the midst…..there is always an agenda.

It is very very hard for me to write this. Narcissists are obsessed with money and inheritances and they will use all tricks to have you at their beck and call. Their slave.

Oh by the way, they believe they are immortals. But they have a lot of cognitive dissonances within…..they are also panicking. I have been trying very hard all those years to understand the mind of malignant narcissists and I admit my brain is still like….nooooo…..no one could do that !

Oh yes they will.

I do now believe there is evil in this world.
________________________________

The narcissist's last trick is to leave the victim feeling crazy and powerless.

After spending months or years trying to please and accommodate the narcissist, the victim finally realizes that they will never be good enough. At this point, the narcissist has already moved on to their next victim, leaving the previous one feeling like they're going crazy. The victim feels helpless and alone, with no idea how to make things right.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-narcissist-s-last-trick

[tellomon]

What is the narcissist’s
last trick?
Part Four

The narcissist’s final ploy is a cunning display of manipulation designed to leave their victim utterly bewildered and doubting their own sense of reality.

Here are some hallmarks and highlights of the intricate psychological tactics narcissists employ and how understanding these can empower victims to reclaim their lives.

The Narcissist's Final Gambit: The Emotional Houdini Act

1. The Grand Disappearance: After a protracted period of gaslighting, deceit, and emotional turbulence, the narcissist executes a dramatic exit. This isn't just ghosting; it’s a calculated retreat that leaves you feeling forsaken and perplexed. They vanish completely, depriving you of any form of closure.

2. Manipulating the Narrative: In their wake, narcissists weave a new storyline that casts them as the protagonist or the wronged party, and you as the antagonist. This narrative is so persuasive and manipulative that it causes even those close to you to doubt your account. Friends, family, and colleagues may be swayed by the narcissist's version of events, leaving you isolated and questioning your own reality.

3. Emotional Warfare: This strategy is a form of psychological combat. The narcissist's aim is to erode your confidence and self-worth completely. By causing you to question your memories and experiences, they seek to keep you ensnared in a state of confusion and self-doubt.

4. Reinforcing Their Centrality: Through this act, the narcissist reasserts their position at the center of their universe. They manipulate the narrative to ensure they remain the focal point, casting themselves in whatever role benefits them most. They thrive on the chaos and suffering they leave behind, as it bolsters their sense of dominance and control.

The Road to Freedom: Reclaiming Your Strength

However, this ultimate act of manipulation can also be your moment of liberation. Recognizing the narcissist’s final gambit for what it is—a desperate bid to maintain control—can be the key to breaking free from their influence.

1. Recognize the Strategy: Understanding that the narcissist’s vanishing act and narrative manipulation are deliberate moves helps you see through the deceit. This awareness is the first step toward reclaiming your power.

2. Take Back Your Story: Seize control of your narrative. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who believe in your truth and can help you rebuild your sense of self. Your experiences are valid, and your voice in your personal story is important.

3. Establish Firm Boundaries: Setting strong boundaries is crucial. Protect yourself from further manipulation by cutting off contact if necessary and refusing to engage with the narcissist’s attempts to reel you back in.

4. Focus on Healing and Rebuilding: Concentrate on healing and rebuilding your life. Seek therapy or counseling to work through the trauma and regain your self-esteem. Invest time in activities and relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment. Life worth living is a combination of discipline and surrender.

Choose your hard wisely. What kind of hard is satisfying to you long term? What can you do to improve your wellbeing? Acting on your positive and life affirming ideas (no matter how small this might look like) every day is foundational. Strong conviction about small things will turn into a substantial momentum and inspire you to take much more bald steps in the future.

5. Embrace Your Rebirth: This is your opportunity to rise from the ashes. Use the pain and lessons learned from the narcissist’s manipulation to create a stronger, wiser version of yourself. Your resilience and strength are your greatest assets. Investing your time and efforts in understanding yourself and learning the mechanisms of abusive psychodynamics will help you recognize similar patterns and avoid getting involved with a similar type of maladaptive personality.

Knowledge is power. Once you learn the patterns of highly insecure and/or entitled people, you will recognize them after one or two interactions.

In summary, the narcissist’s final schtick is a testament to their manipulative skill, but it is also their last, desperate attempt to control you. By recognizing this tactic and reclaiming your narrative, you transform their act of emotional warfare (in reality it is their desperation) into your moment of liberation. Stand tall, tap into and embrace your toughness, and become the architect of your future, where you are the undisputed creator of your own story.
______________________________

The last trick of a Narcissist- once they can't deny any longer all of the abusive things they did or said during your relationship, and you've completely moved on-and you've begun sharing your story:

Is that a Narc will get Flying Monkeys (their friends or family members, or NEW supplies they are dating that are oblivious to what the Narc is truly like) to spy on you and message you.

The Flying Monkeys will message you things like, “He feels really bad about what happened.”

What happens when you don't respond to them, is eventually their messages begin to change from trying to convince you the Narc feels bad, to:

“Okay, we KNOW you know he used you, and manipulated you. But you have to let this go now and move on.”

When all of this begins to happen- you truly just need to ignore all of them.

Because here's the thing: It doesn't matter what these Flying Monkeys say to you.

If a Narc truly is sorry about what they did: they would be able to face you themselves.

People who are truly sorry, don't need other people to apologize for them. They OWN their mistakes.

That's part of maturity. You have to be able to stand on your own two feet- and acknowledge the wrong things you have done YOURSELF.

A narcs heart will never heal- unless they face their victims and can truly Repent on their own.

But- that's why Narcs are continually on the run.

Trying to hide their shame and guilt, by avoiding the past, and just trying to make themselves consoled by sleeping with a new woman or man.

All it does- is build an even taller wall of shame.

And each new Supply- is like a new brick being added to that wall.
____________________________

The narcissist’s last trick is that they have to destroy you before they leave you, before everything goes south.

They have to destroy you, and the reason why they destroy you is because they don't want you to move on.

They don't want you to be okay.

They don't want you to be that person that they met right at the beginning.

They don't nurture you.

They don't nurture this relationship. This isn't a relationship about growing and creating something together. This is about competition. This is about hierarchy. They've got to be better than you all the time.

So, this is why they want to destroy you before they leave, because if they destroy you, you are on the floor, you are crying. You're not going to be able to move forward. You're not going to be able to forget the narcissist.

That is what they want. They want you to not forget them because they think that if they leave you on the floor over here, they're going to come back for you, and you're still going to be on the floor waiting for them.

They don't want you to get better because if you get better, you get stronger, you get your power back. If you get your power back and you get stronger, you're able to move forward and live your life, and they know that you will do that. But they don't want you to leave them behind; they can't do that for themselves. They can't heal from this. They can't heal from any of their trauma that they have gone through. They're not self-actualized.

So, their last trick is they put you down, they press your buttons, and they make you feel like you are nothing. They use all the secrets and all of the intimate things that you have told them because you trusted them, and they use all of that against you to put you down because they know that's going to hurt the most.
_______________________________

Well I just learned two new ones.

One is the 'zinger” where they insult you in a fast quick sentence in the middle of a monologue seeking to get it to go to your subconscious. Step -parents who are narcissists do this. Blah blah blah You have never followed a plan to ever get anything accomplished in your life. Blah blah blah. I experienced this and watched a narc girlfriend do this to boyfriend's two kids in front of me and say rotten things about them to me.

The other is “couching” which is when you put an insult in between a compliment or two. An example would be that they say,”I know you try so hard to always be clean and neat. You have to face that you are not attractive though and have an annoying personality: you may never have a husband or career. I think that it is wonderful that you try so hard, and that you try to look attractive. That is to be commended.”

Then the person cannot understand why someone nice would lie to them and start to think that maybe what they say is true. These are two evil and sly and sneaky ways to tear down the victim.

The narcissist wants to tear down the self-esteem of their victim and destroy their potential in life. It is so sad and evil. It is evil and sad because the tactics work and cause so much destruction. I worked with a woman who was doing this to me. Many people have done this to me because I was nice and they were not. They destroyed my potential and I let them. I am fighting back and trying to recover at an older age. I will be 57 in a couple months.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-narcissist-s-last-trick

[tellomon]

Do narcissists have the capacity to care about the pain they cause others? Do they ever think about anyone other than themselves, or do they lack empathy entirely?

Yeah and yet no.
They can and could, but they don't and won't.

This would be especially true if they would be unable to benefit from it. Thus as to why they can put on a performance if need be for they would be aware of what would be deemed as a favorable reaction, but once more may easily lose interest or cut it off if they would become bored, not at all interested or caring if it could possibly ruin someone else's day.

Better yet, they may intentionally cause a ruckus just to amuse themself. It is rather bizarre how transactional they can become, and how easily bored that they can be from their drama as well.
__________________________________

Short answer: "NO, they don’t".

If they get caught, they pretend to care only because they are caught, but how can you feel bad about something you’re intentionally doing to people? They are well aware of the pain they are inflicting on others.

That’s why in public they are the sweetest, kindest, loving people and behind closed doors they are complete monsters. Only way you can turn on and off inappropriate behaviors is if you are aware of what you are doing.

So the answer is NO. They lack empathy: the part of their brain where we care about hurting others is severely undeveloped in these creatures. They only care about themselves and their self-centered agendas.
___________________________________

They enjoyed it. That is the truth.

So the more damages they cause, the more they feel powerful. Look what significant power a narcissist has over us!

Of course, they are not going to admit this.

So take the power back please. Show this individual how strong in character you are. The narcissist damaged me? As if!

I am smiling. I am happy. I am determined to heal. So F*CK 'EM!
____________________________

Rest assured that their empathy is below zero. If it were not below zero, there would never be so many victims resorting to suicide by the thousands every single year.

Do you think that a narcissist will show any remorse if he/she knows that the victim resorted to suicide? No. To the contrary, the narcissist will feel fakely powerful and will be determined that the next victim will resort to suicide in a shorter time span.

That is the truth about narcissists. Never be fooled by evil people.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-have-the-capacity-to-care-about-the-pain-they-cause-others-Do-they-ever-think-about-anyone-other-than-themselves-or-do-they-lack-empathy-entirely

[tellomon]

Why so many victims of
narcissistic abuse commit suicide?

Because they make their victim seriously want to die (from all the abuse and mind f*cking). They are pure Evil/ Demonic. The victim feels like they are worthless and no good to anyone (what they've been told by the narc). They feel death couldn't be any worse than life is right now.
_________________________________

If a person has spent their life (from birth, forward) in any number of relationships of this type and at some point has a breakthrough or realization that this has been their life’s history, the potential becomes heightened. If the breakthrough/realization occurs late in life and repeated attempts to extract themselves from the abusive relationship(s) fail, I can see hopelessness and despair taking hold and that option of escape becoming a reality.
________________________________

To my mind, a victim of narcissistic abuse has the following options:

Exit the relationship - please act like a statue and allow the Grand Narcy the honor to discard you to avoid narcissistic injury.

The narcissist makes the final discard.

Finish in a mental institution.

Suicide.

All four consequences are gross, especially 3 and 4. The healthiest option is 1 but I fully understand that a victim may not have the luxury or willpower to exit the relationship.

The final discard is gross when considering that despite the fact that the victim would be ready to appease the abuser, but still gets discarded. This automatically triggers a trauma in the human being but we need to understand that many a time we may adore someone but that someone may not want us in his life.

I have read many a story here on Quora and many relate about victims finishing with mental problems or resort to suicide.

If you stop and think, it is actually the narcissist that should finish in a mental institution or commit suicide and not the once healthy victims. Because they are ultimately not mentally stable and are full of rage.

Why resort to suicide?

If the victim is completely isolated from their own family and so feels completely alone - what are their thoughts when there is no help from anywhere? Are help line attendants well trained to understand narcissistic abuse?

If the narcissist is obsessed with destroying you, should we be surprised that the victim has suicidal thoughts? This obsession may last years not months!

At times narcissists are so insidious that they convince others to hit at you too concurrently. So the poor victim does not in fact have to deal with one enemy at a time but various different ones at the same time. This to any normal human being can cause too much stress.

The children of narcissists, in my opinion, are given too much of a disadvantage in life. This is much worse than coming into this world as an orphan. They faced the ultimate betrayal.

Adopted children - yes of course the narcissist - especially females adopt children to use and abuse. I hope the authorities address this issue.

Not everyone has a strong character. Not everyone is capable of saying "No more, you moron!"

Some may be too trauma bonded to do anything about their situation. Here I recall the mass suicides inside cults.

Conclusion: Yes there are too many suicide victims due to narcissistic abuse simply because narcissists know exactly how and when they should lead a victim to desperation.

Because that was their main aim at the beginning of the day. Their inner toxicity is transferred to us normal human beings and because they took our healthy emotions, it is very easy to give up on life when we are subjected to their abuse, sometimes lasting years.
_________________________________

Narcs are the worst abusers.

Their numerous mind twisting games and tactics are to the extreme. If a victim does not know that the person she/he is being abused by has NPD, they may tend to blame themself and suffer from poor self esteem. The victim doesn’t know that the person (NPD) created a false self that will drive them crazy.

These unaware victims can blame themselves, as the NPD tries to convince the victim that they are the ones to blame for everything. Narcs also gaslight in order to try to make their victim question their own reality.

Even when victims have figured out that they are entangled with an NPD, many will suffer a lot of disbelief, confusion, depression, anxiety, PTSD, anger, resentment, etc.

Victims can get hooked to the narc through trauma bonds. It is like getting hooked on drugs. They can have a lot of cognitive dissonance about the relationship. Their logical mind tells them one thing and their heart tells them another. This causes a lot of internal confusion. It Is extremely hard to leave NPD abusers. That makes a victim feel even more distress, as they feel embarrassed and weak for not leaving. They don’t know why they can’t just leave.

Victims can’t wrap their heads around the idea that they got themselves into this, and they can’t believe how the narc could dish out such insane abuse and behaviors to the smartest, strongest, nicest person.

How could the Narc be crazy about you for a short time, then they bully you, control you, and create unnecessary conflicts on purpose, and when they are done with you, they leave or you leave them?

It is so unbelievable. Narcs try to destroy people in every way, and they use up the victims resources. After all of this, they have no remorse. Some narcs rage like a devil for hours. They hold innocent people as prisoners of their disorder. They often blackmail people into staying with them. Narcs falsely blame others for their dirty deeds. This is enough to send some victims over the edge. Many victims/survivors suffer from emotional, psychological and physical problems due to the NPD/s in their life.

For me personally, I have mainly dealt with a lot of cognitive dissonance. I have not suffered from depression, PTSD, anxiety, etc. because I am a very strong person with a strong self esteem, and self awareness.

I always knew that the problems were within my NPD partners all along, even before I started doing all of my intense research on what was going on and my discovery that they had NPD. My research started 3 months after I started dating Narc #2. I have been with #3, for a total of 10 years.

I have often thought, if I wasn’t the person I am, I don’t think that I could have endured all of this. What happens to those who are not as self aware, or unaware of NPD, or who are not strong enough to take all of this?

I understand how defeated a person can feel. I understand how isolated and lonely they feel. I understand the injustice they suffered. Victims feel very alone within the NPD relationship, as well as for a long time after the relationship has ended. I understand how the victim can feel like they have been fooled and trapped.

I understand the fear of meeting another NPD and falling for them. Many victims go through this more than one time. The victim is so stripped down by the perpetrator(s) that they feel as if their life may never be normal again.

At some point, victims come to realize that because they have good traits that predators seek, that they will need to be on guard, put up stronger boundaries, be more vigilant in looking for NPD traits in people they meet, etc., in order to avoid being ensnared again in the future.
_________________________________

Because of the poison that infiltrated their life. The hell they went thru ripped away their ability to feel happiness, and left them in perpetual darkness with little hope for anything but more darkness. The light at the end of the tunnel pulls away. They never get any closer; it never draws near.

Their faith in themselves and in humanity in general got shredded with words intended to maim and destroy. Words that demeaned and shamed them into shadows of the people they once were.

Hope and love was repeatedly offered then snatched away with callous intent for someone else's amusement. Someone that was trusted to have their best interest in mind who instead tramped thru their life like they never mattered and had no worth or value.

Because they were gradually and meticulously slowly killed from the inside out with malice and intent, and was left to fester and rot.
_____________________________

Because the narcissist has a way of being your very best friend and your worst enemy at the same time.

You start doubting yourself, falling in their traps, falling for their fake generosity that comes at a cost. They show up when you need help, to save the day, which is helpful but only to throw it in your face later. “ After all I've done for you.” Now you owe them and the guilt trips are always in front of people to make you look bad. They minimize and exaggerate so that everyone around you has a distorted view of you and what you are like and one day you look around and don't even have a shadow.

God forbid they have unknown jealousy of you or they will isolate you, wait until you are super low and then dump you and make you think it's your fault. No one likes you when it's them who tainted your reputation without you knowing it.

If you just hang in there, time will bring all their lies back to you and you will find out what they have done and said. These people are so good at manipulating to get what they want and spare no expense, even death that is indirectly or directly caused by them. Some go for years without ever being caught.

Here is a great example:

The Interrogation of Stephanie Lazarus*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLSNPkf8RCU
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Sherri_Rasmussen

https://www.quora.com/Why-so-many-victims-of-narcissistic-abuse-commit-suicide

[tellomon]

In a general context, how does a narcissist typically respond when you stand up for yourself?

They don’t like that one bit as they want all the control l00% of the time. As soon as you disagree with them, you become public enemy #1.

They will hate you and begin their quest to destroy you.
_______________________________

A narcissist will deflect, deny, gaslight and blame-shift to make themselves the victim & you the abuser; they’ll smear you behind your back to convince their enablers that YOU were abusive toward them (just for asserting yourself, expressing feelings or attempting to have a conversation that does not revolve around praising them).

Otherwise, they ignore you and move directly to smearing you behind your back (my stepfather’s fav). They will never speak with YOU about what “happened” or apologize to you but will go on and on behind your back to people who were not there and have nothing to do with the matter at hand which the narc made sure was never actually addressed.

Once they feel successful in their smear campaign (wherein they continue to triangulate their enablers against you), they may love bomb you as though their insanely abusive behavior toward you never occurred. My toxic family of origin presented with this cycle of abuse, smearing, and love bombing as a means to control me (the scapegoat), keep me quiet and in the role of scapegoat to absorb all of THEIR toxic shame.

It worked for decades because I was conditioned at such a young age to believe that my voice, my feelings, my autonomy and reality are meaningless & nonexistent. The TRUTH of who you are and who they are is reversed by the narcissists so that they may live with themselves, actually believing that they are “good people” and harmless victims while the harmless, victimized scapegoat is the problem who must cope with carrying the burdens of the entire family’s shame and self-loathing.

It is a soul murder like no other.
______________________________

They get worse. They start blaming you for everything that’s gone wrong. You’re to blame for their being unhappy; for you having to stand up to them when the “how DARE you” mental games start.

Narcissists cannot fathom anyone standing up for themselves. They simply cannot process that you’re no longer grovelling at their feet, being the puppet they have jerked around.

Narc’s can’t understand that your rose colored glasses have come off and you see them for the vile manipulator that they really are, and you’re no longer at their beck and call.

They’ll Irma Grese and whine and try every play in their evil book to tear you down or try to make you feel guilty. DON’T LET THEM DO THAT!! You can stop the bullshit they’re peddling and when they realize you’re no longer taking the bullshit they’ll either carry on or shut down entirely, or at least give themselves a chance to regroup to try a new tactic. One they haven’t used before or an old one they think you won’t remember.

DO NOT give them anymore chances. Either leave if they live with you or throw them to the curb and don’t let them back in. Either way, end it now for good... for your own good. Stay safe and God bless.
_____________________________________

Be prepared for the rage and the slew of counter accusations of All your alleged lies, infidelities, faults, deliberately withholding money, sex, etc., etc.. It will be ugly, physically threatening as they might fly across the room and physically tower over you, or scream in your face or worse, physically grab you, dominate you into silence.

It will never go well. Narcissists do not like to discuss any problems when they fully believe that they are totally in the right. Quietly pack a go-bag, leave it at a friends house, along with any cash you can manage to keep, and find a new place to live. Then when they go off to work, pack up, hire movers, and quietly leave. File for a Restraining Order ASAP.

Remember, the most dangerous time for a partner is right after they leave, because you have fatally wounded them, and the consequences could be life threatening. Been there, scary. Be safe.
________________________________

They would probably take your standing up for yourself as a put down to them and say something like “There you go putting me down again” cuz everything of course has to be about them good, bad or indifferent.
___________________________________

When you stand up for yourself, a narcissist typically responds in one or more of the following ways:

1. Defensiveness and Denial: They may deny any wrongdoing and become defensive, often trying to turn the situation around to make you seem unreasonable or overly sensitive.

2. Manipulation and Gaslighting: They might attempt to manipulate you or gaslight you, making you doubt your own perceptions of reality.

3. Blame Shifting: Narcissists often shift the blame onto others, including you, to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

4. Anger and Aggression: Either verbally or emotionally, attempting to intimidate or bully you into backing down.

5. Playing the Victim: They may portray themselves as the victim, seeking sympathy and support from others to make you appear to be the aggressor.

6. Silent Treatment: Some narcissists might resort to the silent treatment, ignoring you as a way to punish and manipulate you.

Overall, their response is typically aimed at maintaining control and protecting their fragile ego and fake self-esteem.
____________________________________

A narcissist will lie, cry, look for allys, do anything possible to con you. They can be wonderful if their seemingly wonderful behavior serves their own personal agenda. And please do not forget, many people who are not pure narcissists still have the tendencies of a life-long People-Using jerk. Kick them to the curb.
_____________________________________

Be prepared for the extreme silent treatment, alternated with extreme provocations. Be prepared for all kind of shenanigans, smear campaigns, lies, and rewriting history.

Those people have no decency, no real values. They will use whatever methods on hand to belittle you and destroy you. Normal people cannot go down to their levels. I know I just cannot.

Leave before they discard you for they can be extremely brutal and violent people underneath their “angel masks”.

They want to win at any cost and any means will justify the end. They will always see you as the enemy. Very paranoid people. They also fear abandonment very much, so sticking up for yourself demonstrates a real threat to their imagined sense of power.

Be prepared for a very, very dirty battle.
_________________________________

Generally, they love baiting you and causing arguments. Where most of us get exhausted fighting with people, it empowers and gives the narcissist a nice hit of Supply.

Plus they love when you try to stand up for yourself, because they enjoy beating you back down, and crushing your spirit so that you’ll think twice before doing that again. All part of their master plan to chip away and slowly destroy you.

https://www.quora.com/In-a-general-context-how-does-a-narcissist-typically-respond-when-you-stand-up-for-yourself

[tellomon]

 

[tellomon]

What To Do When People Don’t
Know What They’re
Talking About

Today’s post is a continuation from the last one, and it’s about what you can do when people are talking but they don’t know what they’re talking about. 

It’s a common behavior. For the most part, it has innocent roots. In my training program and coaching work on Dealing With People You Can’t Stand, I use the label ‘Think-They-Know-It-All’ as shorthand for a person demonstrating this trait or behavior. Where the Know It All actually knows a lot, the Think They Know It All knows just enough to be dangerous.

Because I know that so many people who don’t know but think they do are just doing what people so often do, my first advice in dealing with them, whether it’s their chronic behavior or it’s become acutely unpleasant, is to do what may seem unthinkable to you at the time.

Give them a break

If you ever find yourself dealing with a person who doesn’t know what they’re talking about, try this. Give them the benefit of the doubt. The way you do it is you make excuses for them. “I guess you didn’t see the research that came out on this last month,” or “You were probably busy with something else when they studied this and drew a very different conclusion” or “You may be as surprised as I was to find out that (that) turns out not to be exactly what happened.”   

Instead of contradicting them straight out, invent a reason for their not knowing what you know. They were busy. They must not have seen. Nobody must have told them. This just came in. Something. Anything. Helping them save face helps them face the facts that you’re about to give them. Giving them an alternative to having to defend themselves keeps them from becoming defensive.

Tell it like it is

If you have data and sources, put it out there. As my instructors in school used to say, "Show me your sources". Or as my grandfather might put it, “So where is it written?”   The nice thing about providing evidence is that, even if people don’t follow up to check it out, it adds authority and credibility to what you have to say. Of course, a person may disagree with your source, but that’s a deeper level of conversation, and at least reality is a way in.

Use Junk O’ Logic

Don’t know your source but know there is one? Dealing with someone who is intractably determined to keep their foot in their mouth? Another great escape that you can utilize to great effect  is the old advertising principle of Junk O’ Logic. 

This is an advertising principle discovered in the 1950’s, that says you can give most people two unrelated ideas as if they are one idea, and if you congruently present them as if they are one idea, people are usually inclined to make sense of it. This principle has been used to great effect  in cigarette, beer and auto advertising, and just about everything else besides.   

Turn on the TV, open a magazine, look at a billboard, and chances are you’ll be seeing an image that has nothing to do with the product.

How do you use this? Simply take the errant information and hook it together with your information, and act like they are somehow related. This creates a sense of confusion, sends the person on a  trans-derivational search for meaning that will keep them occupied long enough to stop pressing ahead on a road to nowhere.

“Thanks for bringing that up! You reminded me of an article I read in which…(and provide the new information)”.

If your data is compelling, or you sound more authoritative, the person may realize they are out of their information league, and will take the life saver you’ve thrown them.

This works because when people don’t know what they’re talking about, they are less likely to be attached to it. That’s not always true, particularly in matters of politics and religion. But in most other areas, it gives you and them a way away from what isn’t so to something that is. Give people a way to go along with you, chances are they will jump on your bandwagon.

This approach has long-range ramifications too. If people learn through time and consistency that you do know what you are talking about, they will be less inclined to challenge you.

https://www.artofchange.com/persuasion/what-to-do-when-people-dont-know-what-theyre-talking-about/#page-content

[tellomon]

They always play the victim, especially when
they start the problem.
Narcissists & Accountability

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhYYCb6x6qg

[tellomon]

It’s not that they CAN have a toxic impact on you,
they WILL have a toxic impact on you.
5 Signs Of A Narcissist's Toxic
Impact Upon You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSwPZhdbL_I

[tellomon]

This kind of person doesn't just hurt you. They relish the complete destruction of your life.
They laugh at your isolation and pain.
How Sociopathic Narcissists
Set You Up For Hurt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAClX6KcFcM

[tellomon]

"Re-Take!"


@ronaldculley
2 weeks ago
Narc: "Are you going to be nice to me?"
Me: "Are you going to respect me?"

69 Likes
3 replies

@deevinityplayfairpremium
2 weeks ago (edited)
The Narc: No you have to respect me, I’m the important one. Soooo, are you going to be nice to ME! …

Please respect me, even you don’t have any reason for it. Please or I will make your life difficult! I want respect! Even I don’t CAN respect myself.. Please lower your self respect and be like me.

Are you going to be nice? Just start…

Me: I’m just a mirror. You will get, what you show! Just take a good look at yourself, without me having to do anything behind all your own!.

“Wisdom is key and the devil comes in many shapes.” Stay woke folks..


@san-rf3jo
13 days ago
Omg that’s all I hear if I try to discuss anything


@san-rf3jo
13 days ago
Sooooo fragile!!!!!

Narcissists Are Fragile
(And It Makes Them MORE Dangerous,
Not Less)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hZiTkPKCB0&t=1427s

[tellomon]

They want you to take good care of them and to be their punching bag at the same time.
Your Role In A Narcissist's Life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fUdg2Tfcj4

@goodgracious6364
4 years ago
Narcs actually think that YOU should feel honored that THEY have allowed YOU into THEIR broken lives!


@mysticat7652
3 years ago (edited)
"Your job in a narcissistic person's life is to take the blame for EVERYTHING. "  Exactly.


@Feinrizulwur
4 years ago
They need to be served and want money and support. And they give trouble in return.

[tellomon]

You can’t ever expect to reason with insanity.
The 3 Main Motivations of Narcissists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhI-9bvEyN4

@katherinegarratt7467
4 years ago
Thank you Shaman for this Podcast. I agree with you that the narcissist's fear is deep-seated. They are in a constant state of panic and need to assert control of others in order to feel secure. They seek personal power over others and their way of achieving this is to behave with sadism. Narcissists enjoy observing the suffering of others. They feel strong when their cruel remarks cause emotional pain for their victims.

Narcissists are manipulative and calculating. It is not unreasonable to say that they are always plotting. The narcissist lacks self-esteem and is extremely afraid of others which explains why they so desperately need to assert their power. The humiliation of others is an ego boost for the narcissist. This boost, however, never lasts and so the cycle of abuse continues.


@erikafreebird6449
4 years ago
Your explanation totally reveals why anyone goes crazy when involved with a narc. I never felt so suicidal as when I was in the vicious cycle with a narc. It's like they suck your confidence, common sense and sanity right out of you.


@odette8905
4 years ago
Absolutely agree. The narcissist is in pure survival mode, likely from pre-age 2 emotional under-development. Sad. But not our responsibility anymore. Thank you Little Shaman. Your work is phenomenal in this field - you are one of the few who really gets it, inside out.

[tellomon]

It’s a never ending process of dealing with a
5 year old child masquerading as an adult.
6 Common Behaviors of
Toxic People

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ci0plJZACkM

1.  Gaslighting
2.  Stonewalling
3.  Blame-shifting
4.  Projection
5.  Deflection
6.  Dog-whistling

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

It’s sad and pathetic, they will take their distorted views with them to their grave. No alternative views.
No considerations. No second thoughts. No compromises.
What Makes A Narcissist's
Arguing Style So Impossible?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDZETo79ASM

@fred.k9875
6 months ago
To argue with narcissist is a fruitless endeavour.


@rhododendrons_509
6 months ago
I didn't walk away to teach them a lesson - I walked away 'cause I finally learned mine.


@oklahomaisok
6 months ago
They argue in circles because they don’t have anything to back up their argument. So round-and-round we go.


@yukio_saito
6 months ago
They think of a compromise as losing a fight. So they become more antagonistic even if it's a subtle conflict. There's no such thing as a constructive conflict with them. It's always destructive.


@carparthero
6 months ago
The most despicable thing about a narcissist is that they know exactly what they’re doing and know it’s wrong. They simply don’t care.

Narc conversations (especially when you raise a concern) are more like contests than reasonable discussions. You must be defeated by any means necessary. Narcs aren't interested in mutual understanding and cooperation. They are only interested in domination, power, and control.

[tellomon]

Just imagine being dishonest 24/7, all your life. Imagine being dishonest not only to others, but also to yourself,
all the time. In worst case, narcissism is like a semi
psychosis, it seems. It's scary.
Why You Can't Take A
Narcissist At Face Value

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xAEERJegmU

[tellomon]

The arrogance with these people is through the roof.
To them, everyone else is stupid.
A Narcissist's "Stupid And
Proud Of It" Syndrome

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa268I5uWj4

@yambapiano9473
2 years ago (edited)
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great”
- Mark Twain


@hopeinhumanity.
2 years ago
They get offended and tell you that you don’t know how they feel. It’s pointless to present facts because they think what they feel is the ultimate truth despite indisputable facts.


@rachelcarmina3958
2 years ago (edited)
I like the term "Ignorant and proud of it". I've had to deal with far too many people like this. The less they know about something, the more they pretend they know what they are saying. The "stupid and proud of it" has become the real pandemic in our world.

[tellomon]

They’re not always mean. They can be super nice when
they want something from you!
Why Are Narcissists
So Mean?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJX04FNLYeQ

@shelley7975
2 years ago
They are notorious for going for the jugular vein, and then act like it was no big deal. The ironic thing is they think they are the nicest person in the room. When they reveal their ugliness you never look at them the same way again.


@HeeersEllery
2 years ago
The meanness was ultimately a Godsend for me. If it wasn’t for the meanness, it would have just been the gaslighting slowly driving me crazy and further into severe depression. The meanness was the catalyst that allowed me to say that I’ve had enough of being treated like sh!t and finally end the relationship.


@jod6cindy
2 years ago
A lot of them think their sarcasm, irreverence and bitchiness is attractive, or appealing. To me, it's an instant (and permanent) turn-off.

They absolutely know what they do is wrong because they
don't do it everywhere and around everyone.  It's deliberate.
Why Narcissists Use Selective Meanness

They know how to be nice in public. You see the rage in private.  Avoid them like the plague.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAb8WWXeziU

[tellomon]

The narcissist actions never match their words.
The only sure thing about them is that they are natural,
compulsive liars. They will say anything to you
that benefits them.
WHAT THE NARCISSIST
MEANT WHEN THEY SAID…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=la8RrLq_yoo

@jennifernewton4637
5 hours ago
EVERYTHING meant something different than what was said.


@marieeakin8534
2 hours ago
Narcs have hooks of hate (not love) & seek to have hosts carry their heavy baggage.
Be Wise & Be Well. 


@warriormom5843
1 hour ago
Freakish how they all pull the same sick BS, isn’t it??

[tellomon]

The gas lighting and projection lead me to taking
responsibility for behaviour that wasn't mine.
Why Do They Do That?
Common Narcissistic Behaviors & Why
They Do It

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sEcK4bq2nk&t=141s

[tellomon]

The more logical your solution is, the more they will
punish you for suggesting it.
Why You Can't Help
Narcissists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPmxw3s-Z3A&t=15s

@beth8275
1 year ago
People that have no business being in relationships are just beyond impossible.


@leepiper4621
1 year ago
When you're interacting with a narcissist, and there's conflict, you feel like you're in an alien world.


@Nancy-yw1rr
1 year ago
You can't help anyone who won't accept new information.


@byefelicia7736
1 year ago
TRUTH!! 1000%. There is NO reaching them. No matter how nice you say something, how genuine you are being, in how many different ways you TRY desperately to explain something or offer a solution, how much evidence you present, it does not matter. They will not accept it.

If they feel something, its fact to them. Period.

It is extremely crazy making and frustrating.

[tellomon]

What will a narcissist do
when it becomes hard to control you?

When you slip beyond the narcissist's grasp, the ensuing chaos can be tumultuous and unpredictable. Lacking the ability to manipulate, a narcissist finds themselves adrift in unfamiliar waters. Their go-to strategies falter, leaving them bewildered and unprepared.

Accustomed to perceiving themselves as superior, narcissists are profoundly shaken when you defy them. Without the ability to synchronize their perception of past, present, and future, they focus solely on the immediate challenge you pose, perceiving it as an affront to their carefully structured existence.

In retaliation, they may resort to cold detachment or explosive anger—a tactic known as narcissistic rage. The silent treatment serves as a manipulative tool, intended to force you to reflect on your actions and conform to their desires. They play on your hopes for a harmonious resolution, manipulating your emotions until you relent, restoring their dominance.

Alternatively, their frustration might manifest in overt aggression. Through shouting and harsh accusations, they aim to break your resolve, coercing you to shoulder the blame and submit to their will. Such outbursts are not just expressions of anger but strategic moves designed to corner you into compliance, ensuring they remain in control.

By employing these severe tactics, narcissists close off avenues of dialogue and problem-solving, choosing instead to control the narrative of the relationship. Unable to process their vulnerabilities and too proud to expose their insecurities, they opt for dominance over genuine connection.

Thus, when a narcissist feels their control slipping, they perceive it as a loss of order in their meticulously managed life. They will persist in their punitive measures until their sense of control is reinstated, with you as their unwilling participant in this distressing cycle, subjected to their harsh treatment until they deem their authority reestablished.
___________________________________

Get frustrated! You are not supposed to make them haul you in. You should know this by now. It might get so bad that their frustration leads to rage. This of course is not meant to happen so early in the relationship especially if they have not yet secured you as a supply.

You having got a glimpse of their true self could lead to them feeling embarrassed about losing control of the situation and they could well back off for a while.

Don´t believe they regret what they have done to you. They don´t! They are just worried that they might have sabotaged valuable supply.
__________________________________________

I’m willing to bet you would get the Discard.

Narcissists don’t like you thinking for yourself or showing resistance. The only time I told mine “No, I won’t pay your rent “, I received my discard via Text. Basically it said thanks for nothing, I’d supported this guy for 6 months 100 pct financially. That’s what I got.

They must have total control. But fear not; they will hover awhile to see if maybe you’ve had a change of heart.

https://www.quora.com/What-will-a-narcissist-do-when-it-becomes-hard-to-control-you

[tellomon]

Why does a narcissist go
hidden when exposed?

They hide because of shame. They know they did something wrong, but they can't face or admit their actions. They're not mature enough to handle it, so they choose to hide instead.

They also get angry when they're caught or called out.  They throw a temper tantrum because they don't like being exposed.

They use hiding as a form of punishment. They want the person they're hiding from to feel bad for knowing their secrets. They expect you to worry, call, text, and spend time looking for them. They want you to feel sorry for discovering the truth and miss them. They want you to panic and feel depressed because they believe their manipulations and mind games have created an addictive bond.

Narcissists are never truly alone. They always have someone to hang out with. They separate their friends into different groups so that their different personas don't cross paths and their fantasy world doesn't collapse.

Each group serves a different purpose for them. They have backup friends to run to when they need to hide from another group or person. They maintain different facades for each subgroup, and they manipulate and charm each group for their own benefit.

The narcissist is planning their escape. They will show their face again to test the waters and see how people react. If the incident or the fact that they disappeared is brought up when they return, they will have a huge destructive blow-up and leave again for an even longer time.

They want you to forgive them, never mention what happened, and be grateful that they came back. They want to feel like their manipulations and tantrums were successful and that they have control over you and your emotions. They want you to depend on them and accept any abuse they dish out.

They hide to forget. They rebuild their mask and boost their ego, so when they return, they don't remember how bad they felt. They feel self-righteous and confident again. The narcissist regroups, pulls themselves together emotionally, and feels powerful and in control once more.
_________________________________

Because that causes them narcissistic injury and it also makes them face themselves. If you have escaped this devil, I highly highly recommend you give your life to Jesus since He saved you from a murderer.
_______________________________

Shame.

They know they did wrong, they cant face or admit their actions. They cant be adult enough to face it, they wont change their behavior, so they hide.

Anger. They get angry for being caught, called out. The person is throwing a temper tantrum.

Punishment. They are punishing whoever they are hiding from for knowing their dark secrets. You are supposed to feel bad that they are gone. You're supposed to worry, call, text, spend your time looking for the person. You're supposed to feel sorry for discovering the truth and miss them.

You're supposed to panic and be depressed because of the trauma bond, manipulations, and mind games they have played should have caused your brain chemicals to make you have an addiction withdrawal.

The narcissist is never alone. The person is hanging out somewhere with someone, guaranteed. A narcissist lives in a way that they compartmentalize their groups of friends. They keep people separate so their fantasy world cant come crashing down.

They have backup friends. They do this specifically so they have a place to run to when they feel the need to hide from any other sub group or person. They have a slightly different persona for each subgroup. Each group gives them a type of needed supply.

Subgroups may be:
A) Family.
B) Friends with relationship partner.
C) Neighborhood bar girlfriend and buddies.
D) Street friends or criminal buddies, prostitutes, musicians.
E) Work associates or church group.

These subgroups don't know about each other and they are not to cross paths. They are safety nets, sources of supply, resources, entertainment, others they can charm and act grandiose and special, and to be manipulated.

The narc is plotting his escape. The narc will show their face again to test the waters. If the outing incident or the hide and seek game are brought up when they return as an accusation or blame, they will cause a huge abusive destructive blow-up and leave for longer.

They want you to forgive them, never mention it, forget all of it, feel so grateful that they returned that they feel like their manipulations and tantrums succeeded and they are in control of you and your emotions. They want you to be dependant on them. They know you will take whatever abuse they do to you and they are the ruler over you.

To forget. They are building their mask back up and getting their ego boost, so when the return they wont remember how bad they felt. They will be full of self righteousness and confidence. The narc has regrouped, pulled his/herself emotions back together and is feeling powerful and in control again.

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-a-narcissist-go-hidden-when-exposed

[tellomon]

How do you spot
a covert narcissist?

Oh, my God! Where have you been my whole life?
I’ve never met anyone like you. I can’t believe how much we have in common.

You are nothing like my other ex’s.
They were so abusive. I even had to get a restraining order on two of them because they wouldn’t leave me alone.
Yea, I know. They were that crazy!

Are you serious? I love that too.
We have so much in common. I honestly think you might be my soulmate!
I know we only met last week, but I f*cking love you.

I can’t wait for you meet my friends. I mean, I don’t really have any, but I can’t wait for you to meet them if I ever get friends.

Of course I do Yoga.
I’m a spiritual guru.
Why do you think we connected so well?

It’s all about acceptance, awareness and forgiveness.
This is very important, make sure you remember those three words when you find out I’m married, and all the numerous guys on the side.

I tend to stretch the truth, and lie a little bit.
I mean, it’s small lies, but the more bonded you get to me is when the whole truth, and nothing but the truth will come out.
It’s gonna hurt, I’m not going to lie.
It will destroy you.

I’ll slowly let slip who I really am over time, just be patient. You won’t want to believe it, I know, but I can’t help myself. Every good quality I appear to have is what m I learned by mimicking people just like you. It’s how I deal with my shame and guilt of the evil that lies within me.

I’m very good at stirring up a reaction out of you. I mean, I’m damn good at it. Remember those restraining orders I told you about? Yep, you guessed it, I got them going real good. I’m kinda proud of myself. I know it’s sick, but we are all sick, right? I mean, you’re dating me. right? lol.

Makes me look like the victim doesn’t it? Isn’t it great how I can get people to act like crazed lunatics, react, and play right into what makes my body tingle with ecstasy, “Victimhood.”

But don’t worry, you are different than all the others. You actually put up with a lot more than they did. It’s why I LOVE YOU!

I know you think our sex is real, but you won’t realize how cold and distant I am until you get away from me. And let’s be honest. I’m kinda theoretical, right? I mean, I don’t seem like I’m all there, right? You have to remember it’s all about the performance and fake connection. Because nothing is real in my life.

But, here lies the problem. You will struggle to break free. It’s not like I put a spell on you. It’s just I’m good at what I do. And hell, I don’t even know I’m doing it. I’m attracted to your vulnerability, and kindness. There are millions of you roaming the earth, and I love it! It’s like a buffet of insecurities!

I really wish I was you! I wish I was anyone but myself, but I can’t be. It’s why I act like everything you like, I like. And all the kindness you see me attempting, it’s not because I’m nice, it’s because I need to appear nice.

It’s all about my “image” you asswipe.

Now enough about me.

What about you?

What makes you love an abusive prick like myself?

What makes you think you can change me when you can’t even change in you what attracted you to me.

That’s what I thought.

But hey, I love you.

I really do.

Do you love me?
    *********************

_______________________________

Does it matter “what kind of covert narcissist” you are dealing with?

No two narcissists are alike, just like no two people are alike.

But they follow similar patterns, are possessed by similar mal-adaptive traits, and will use you as their self-regulating tool until you have nothing left.

Narcissists make you believe they have the world to offer you.

And once you have fallen for this charade, they take, take and take some more, until you have lost yourself being emptied out of who you once were.

Once you no longer recognise yourself, and the narcissist towers over the ghost standing in the place of the old you, they can move on to the next.
_________________________________

They're the either the hero or the victim of every single story that they tell.

This is true for all narcissists but with a covert they will most likely be the victim. They will portray this in a brave tremulous way, especially if it's a female with her lip quivering so that you can't help but want to protect her.

They're extremely passive aggressive.
The manipulation is off the scale.
They will send you text messages that are screenshots of something that you sent them to try to make their point rather than just f*cking spitting it out. You will get called abusive for basically telling them to say what they're trying to say without using manipulation. They literally can't quite understand how that works.

Because they always have to be in victim mode, they will get pissed off at you for something you did not even do, turn it into abuse in their mind and then ghost you for days to punish you while you're sitting there wondering what the f*ck is happening.

Then they will just dismiss it from their mind without the slightest concern for your confusion. If you try to bring it up you will get ghosted again or called abusive.

Eventually, in their victim mindset, they will just ghost permanently without any warning, usually by f*cking somebody else.

And that's about it. Unfortunately it's not any more complicated than that.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-spot-a-covert-narcissist

[tellomon]

Is a narcissist
ever happy?

No, never.

They have this void inside. A black hole. They try to fill the void with supply while the black hole engulfs it, maintaining the void inside.

Imagine you're starving. You have all the food you ever need but you can only chew it but not swallow. This is a narcissist's plight.

They are desperate to satisfy the emptiness inside. Constantly needing supply after supply. Each time their need is only briefly met before needing re-supply.

They hope that the next supply will be the one to satisfy. It never is. They discard each one for the next. This is how the narcissist lives their miserable life.

They will never have what they starve for: The satisfaction of being whole. They can never be happy until that need is met. And for the unsuspecting supply, you suffer the wrath.

https://risingabovenarcissism.quora.com/Is-a-narcissist-ever-happy

What are the signs that
a narcissist is miserable?

Are they breathing?

Narcissists are notoriously miserable within themselves, that is why they need to tear down others and make the chosen scapegoat MISERABLE. It takes away their misery even if only in the moment of seeing someone else suffer. It energizes them to see others suffer where it saps them into misery when others are happy!

Sorry, no sympathy on my end about “their misery”. This is just on point and factual about the INs of their mindset.

Their misery is self inflicted slights because they see themselves much more important than all others and if not treated as such 24/7, they go into their twisted thinking and hard head of nothingness, obsessing on “How dare thee not worship me?”.

“How dare thee think this moment is about them?”.
"How dare thee think about anything or anyone, but MEEEE?” and if that “anyone” DARE feel happy because of something in their life that it is important, then beware. You will get the narcs unsupportive, insulting, criticizing, gas lighting tear down wrath to bring you down which in turn put the focus off your moment and back onto them, even if it is negative towards their ridicule. It still gets you from a happy high, to a miserable low in your head trying to figure out 'what the HELL?'

Then they win. You are miserable.
They are happy for that moment!

There is no pleasing these tyrants. You may appease them in a moment, but its always fleeting and only momentary and away they go on to the next perceived nothingness slight into their miserable way of thinking.

Don't worry, its never anything you actually have done wrong, its just how they are hardwired and NO ONE CAN EVER make them TOTALLY HAPPY nor should anyone EVER make it their mission to try and do so. Its mental, emotional and phycological suicide to try and dedicate one's life to appeasing an un-appeasable narcissist.

Some people think because they are miserable within that we should give them a hall pass and feel sorry for their misery, but that's total and utter BS. We feel sorry for them even though they go out of their way to EXTREME measures to make us feel like SH!T?

Nah, they do it to themselves because the are ANGRY SELFISH ME-ME-ME DEMONS!

Their misery is self inflicted and there is no cure. Not medication, not therapy, not enough comfort from you to love away their misery!

Its just who they are and always will be!

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-signs-that-a-narcissist-is-miserable

[tellomon]

What ten things make
a narcissist miserable?

Part One

1 – The Importance of Acknowledgment.

In fact, a lack of acknowledgment is a real threat to a narcissist. Indifference is even worse than hatred, as they would rather have a negative opinion than no opinion at all. Narcissists cannot stand it when they are not the center of attention, and they need to feel important and special. Therefore, avoiding them completely is often the best route.

2 – When People Speak Factually.

Their inability to absorb facts demonstrates their incompetence in approaching most adult interactions. Speaking factually throws them off-balance, as they are not skilled in the language of facts due to their tendency to lie and hide things.

3 – Resentment of Authority.

Narcissists have a strong resentment towards authority figures, as they see them as a threat to their inherent desires for power and control. They often have issues in professional environments, with reprimands for their behavior being a common occurrence.

4 - Rejection.

Being told NO and having it actually followed through is something that a narcissist despises. When someone denies them something, and they are resolute in their decision. It often triggers an angry response from the narcissist. Narcissists find it hard to understand why they would be refused, as they lack empathy and cannot comprehend what the other person is thinking or feeling. Furthermore, even if they attempt to comprehend, they refuse to accept this reality.

5 - Enforcing Boundaries.

Have you ever tried to establish limits with a narcissist? Most likely, they reacted in one of three ways: they either ignored you and dismissed your feelings, they acknowledged their error, promised to change, and then failed to do so, or they reacted with intense anger, threats, or even violence.

Narcissists cannot handle real consequences, and they are incapable of admitting when they are mistaken. Even if they recognize their error, they do not care. They frequently react excessively to boundaries and critical conversations as a means of intimidation to make you comply with their demands.

6 - Losing.

Narcissists have a reputation for being sore losers. They struggle to accept defeat, and when it occurs, they tend to lash out. They behave like young children who cheat during a board game and have dramatic reactions to losing. They may try to undermine the authority of the person in charge or humiliate the winner. Alternatively, they might feign indifference to winning or pretend to have let the other person win. In some instances, they may even claim victory after you've broken up with them!

7 - Public Embarrassment.

Narcissists cannot tolerate the idea of failure or public humiliation. They have very fragile egos, and if they believe they are being mocked or are not perceived as the expert or authority in a public setting, they will do whatever it takes to safeguard their ego.

They frequently resort to violent or emotional threats, try to out-do the audience, scream or yell, storm off in obvious anger, or laugh it off in public only to lash out later on loved ones. They may also fabricate lies about anyone who is an actual expert to divert attention away from their shortcomings.

8 – Expectations of Commitment.

Narcissists often struggle with commitment, despite believing they deserve complete loyalty from others. They tend to prioritize their own emotions, impulses, and desires in relationships, often disregarding their partners' needs. Unfortunately, some partners hold onto hope that the narcissist will change, despite the narcissist being in control of the relationship and able to change the rules to suit themselves.

9 - Vulnerability and Emotional Expression.

Narcissists may use cognitive empathy to pretend they are interested in others' emotions, but this is often manipulative. True emotional empathy involves putting ourselves in another's shoes, whereas cognitive empathy involves tapping into someone's emotions to gain access to their vulnerability. Narcissists may use false kindness and compassion to establish trust with their victims, but they dislike vulnerability and emotional expression, seeing it as a sign of weakness that they can exploit when their victim's defenses are down.

10 – When You Change The Status Quo.

Narcissists hate change when it’s out of their control. Staying in a relationship with a narcissist only perpetuates a vicious cycle of resentment and frustration.

If your aim is to make a narcissist miserable, the optimal course of action is to leave them. All other actions only fuel their manipulative tactics, leading them to believe that they still wield power over you. By choosing yourself and ending the relationship, you effectively demonstrate that they no longer have control over you.

Leaving a narcissist is the ultimate way to outsmart, overpower, and humiliate them. Walking away and building a life for yourself is the most effective way to get back at a narcissist.
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1.) Calling them out on their bad behavior because they don't want others to know how they truly are.

2.) Watching their every move. It makes obtaining side supply more difficult. It's like keeping an addict from getting high.

3.) Not giving in to their every selfish whim. Like not paying to go out to eat. They pout and spout off about how they never get anything they want but truth is they have more than anyone you know and most was given to them by you the one person they claim gives them nothing.

4.) Having to deal with any of your friends or family that see through their mask. They don't want you ever seeing or be talking to them because they might convince you other than the brainwashing love bombing they have spent so long doing to you.

5.) If anyone shows interest in you because they want you to feel you can't live without them and therefore no one else could ever want you. At least that's what they want you to think all while cheating on you constantly.

6.) Being told you are leaving due to their bad behavior. They will deny deny deny then rage when you don't buy it. Then they scramble to love bomb you to keep their lifestyle intact financially.

7.) Going no contact. Even if they are with another they still want to try to lie and use you as much as possible so if they can't contact you it irks them that a supply has been cut off.

8.) Tell them your feelings. They could care less. You are supposed to be there for them and their wants and needs without wanting anything from them in return. Like they are royalty and you should be glad to serve and accept any scraps and be happy with what you get and not ask for more.

9.) Buy anything for yourself. You should not be wasting your money on frivolous things for you. They see this as money they could have had for something for them no matter how dumb and unnecessary it may be it will always be more important than what you need.

10.) The fact that you are on this site educating yourself. They will see it also as a threat to their hard work brain washing you and will tell you how stupid and a waste of your time it is because they will tell you all of your problems with them are your fault. You will never be allowed to feel confident or empowered.

I could go on and on but there's 10 for now.
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#1. The truth. They hate the truth.

#2. Since everything is a game to them, and a matter of winning or losing, losing makes them miserable.

#3. Having expectations of them. If you want them to do it they won’t, and if you don’t want them to do something they will do it even more.

#4. Their fragile ego. They are easily offended, and it can be either real or imaginary. This often provokes them to take revenge, and punish you.

#5. Being confronted on their bad behavior. They will always blame you, and never take responsibility for their actions.

#6. Sacrificing for another. They are self centered and self absorbed. They do not enjoy giving unless they are looking for something in return.

#7. Relationships that hold them to any kind of standard.

#8. Sharing. They are like children who don’t want to share their toys.

#9. Appreciation…It’s just for them, not for you.

#10. Strong and confident people with good boundaries.

https://www.quora.com/Which-ten-things-make-a-narcissist-miserable

[tellomon]

What ten things make
a narcissist miserable?

Part Two

1. Seeing you happily enjoying your life: As the saying goes, “Misery loves company”. This truly applies to a narcissist. They are so unhappy with themselves, that they often cannot stand seeing others happy. What better way to fix this than to go destroy everything around them?

2. Revealing their true selves: If you have exposed the narcissist (especially to the public) did you know that you would cause great injury to their false personas? All the hard work they are doing to fool everyone around them can be gone in an instant if you reveal who they truly are. It is as if you shine a light in a room full of roaches....they scatter for cover.

3. Having NO supply: This is common with the aging narcissist. The more the narc ages, the more people just don't fall for their tactics anymore. To have supply is to thrive in life. If you take the supply away what does that make a narcissist? Absolutely nothing. Because they need supply to BE something.

4. Going no contact: When you go no contact, the narcissist is miserable knowing they can no longer have access to your supply anymore. Be aware that they are most likely scrambling for someone - new supply - to take your place if they haven't already.

5. When they cannot control you anymore: Narcissists LOVE to control everything about you. By having control over you this makes them feel powerful and superior in many ways. If you remove their control, you have essentially deemed them as WEAK and feeble. Go you!

6. When you discard them first: oh boy…there are times in the narcs life when THEY don't get to throw people away like garbage. If you discard the narcissist first, be prepared for the begging and pleading. They cry out in despair because they are alone in the cold...for awhile anyways.....

7. Your own identity and what makes you, YOU: Did you know that narcissists are extremely jealous people? They actually do not like who you are as a person. This is why they try to change you and tailor you to their needs. At first they make you feel special about your attributes, but it’s only because they wish to possess them for themselves.

8. You treat them how they treat you: I wouldn't recommend this approach because it is draining. Mirroring a narcissist is like playing Russian roulette; one of you is bound to catch the bullet. I made my ex narc absolutely miserable by treating him the way he treated me. I was very young and immature. In the end, I took a harder fall because narcs hardly experience remorse or feelings of empathy. He was indeed miserable until he discarded me.

9. You are more successful than them: again can be filed under “jealousy”. These people can't STAND you being more prestigious than they are! In fact, they attempt to even take credit for anything you achieve in life. The more successful you are, the more miserable they become. They need someone less than themselves to feel relevant. The narcs who prey on successful people just want to take it away from you.

10. Healing and moving on: Perhaps the biggest one on the list. When you heal from Narcissistic Abuse and begin to live again, this makes them filled with anguish. (Some haven't realized your transformation because they are occupied with someone else.)

Either way you're doing so good in life without them. Some narcissists might even re-idealize you (begin thinking of you as shiny and new like when they first met you) and try to come back. Do not ever let them come back. They don't deserve any part of you.

There surely are many other things that make narcs miserable in previous/following answers. These are just mine personally. Stay narc free!
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1/ Looking at them strangely when they tell a lie, and because it doesn't make sense, your face says it all.

2/ Not conforming to their every whim.

3/ Making them wait.

4/ Telling them when something really great at work has happened i.e. promotion, pay raise, etc.

5/ Questioning anything they say or do that does not feel authentic.

6/ Not forgiving them after they committed adultery.

7/ Calling them out on there BS..

8/ DOING really well, like purchasing a new house or car for yourself from really hard work and not letting them live there rent free.

8/ Talking to your really close friend about what's transpired and you just need to vent.

9/ Crying in front of them when they hurt you. That makes them miserable because they don't want to see it. Seeing you cry is a pathetic state us normal humans have no right to feel.

10/ THIS IS THE BIGGEST ONE OF ALL…

TELLING A NARC NO!!!!!! It does not make them happy at all……..
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1.) telling them no

2.) ignoring them

3.) telling them how much of a loser they are

4.) telling them how bad of losers their family is

5.) hanging out with people who have more than they do

6.) going places they want to go but can’t afford

7.) obtaining professional achievements

8.) getting hit on by people that are younger, better looking and drive a nicer car. LOL.

9.) spending time with your “loser” family that they despised for no reason

10.) hanging out with your “loser” friends that they despised

That’s the list off the top of my head.
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1. Narcissists hate when you do the opposite of what they want you to do. They like control, and if you don’t give them the power to be a “control freak”, then they’ll for sure be miserable.

2. Have you ever heard the saying, “Kill Them with Kindness”? That’ll help you a lot doing that. Narcissists hate how kind you act and it makes them feel even more insecure about themselves because they know they could never be on your level. Plus, they can’t use anything against you if you just act like they’re joking and not pay them any attention. Which leads me to another thing.....

3. Ignoring them! When you ignore anything a narcissist have to say, they’ll be upset, no doubt about that.

4. Narcissists may like using “love” as a manipulative way to keep their victims near, but they don’t like commitments. Sure, there are some narcissists who are married to their victims, but they get a rare chance in being able to treat others like they did you.

5. Surprisingly, narcissists don’t like shame. It’s crazy because they shame others into stuff, but they don’t like to be shamed or feel shamed for their behaviors and tactics used against people.

6. Remember when I said that narcissists love power? When it comes to getting a job or doing something that they enjoy, they want to be the very best at it. They want to be so good, that they’re better than everyone else. Which is never a good look.

7. When narcissists start trouble, they want everyone’s attention towards them like they’re an A-List celebrities or something more important than. If people don’t pay attention to him as much as he wants them to, he’ll be miserable.

8. As much as the narcissist loves to insult people for basically everything, he hates when he gets insulted/criticized himself. It brings out the insecurities and narcissists don’t like it one bit.

9. They don’t like feeling remorse. Usually when a person feels remorse about something, they apologize and change how they act and so on and so forth. But narcissists never change. When they do something wrong, they never want to take any accountability for it or they never apologize for it like a normal person. They always have to find something or someone to blame their behavior on.

10. Last but not least, Narcissists hate getting called out on their lies. They would rather you be dumb and stupid enough to constantly fall into their manipulative traps than to be smart and confident enough to stop them.

https://www.quora.com/Which-ten-things-make-a-narcissist-miserable

[tellomon]

What ten things make
a narcissist miserable?

Part Three

I am not going to list ten things — that number is arbitrary. I am going to list the ones I feel like are major.

1. Narcissists hate to lose. Most of us view interactions, work, life, etc, as a competitive (usually zero-sum) game. If you make us lose our game, we will get mad. This can be hard because you don't always know the rules or the object of their game. You are also likely to become a target if you are seen as an opponent.

2. Narcissists are envious. If you have something we don't, then you are winning.

3. Narcissists are extremely invested in our self-image and identity. If you challenge our beliefs about ourselves, we will usually react explosively. We can change our self-image, but it's a very sensitive topic for us. This may be because we often have less in the way of morals and connections to others to take pride in, so we take pride in our identities.

4. Some narcissists don't tolerate boredom well. We enjoy new experiences and variety in general. We can get bored from being alone, being with the same people or people who don't stimulate us, being in the same job, or even just not engaging in risky behavior (many narcissists are adrenaline junkies or risk takers). Most of us (at least me) seem to get our entertainment from people and social situations.

5. Anything besides ourselves. We can be fascinated by people or ideas, we can get into our hobbies or work. But at the end of the day, what most of us think about most often is ourselves. We generally want to talk about ourselves. We want others to talk and think about us. We are not concerned with the rest of the world, just how things affect us.

6. Lack of attention. I crave attention like the starving crave food. I will act out and hurt people just for attention. Positive attention is ideal, but I will definitely seek negative attention over nothing. And I am pretty typical for a narcissist in that way. Attention and admiration are the “narcissistic supply” that causes us to pursue relationships. We will go to great lengths to secure this supply. And there is never enough. The entire world could love me except for one person and I would be angrily asking why that one person didn't. I don't care what you want or what you really think. I don't care about your well-being. But if you give me attention, I will seek it out and hold onto you tight.

7. Things unrelated to narcissism. Depression happens to narcissists too. Other mental health problems are common as well. We can get scared or worry about our future just like anyone else. We can feel physical pain and have disabilities and medical conditions too. We are still people.

8. Our own behaviors and thoughts. We suffer from a mental illness. By definition we have damaging thoughts and behavior patterns. We are not classified as narcissists for society's purposes, but based on our own lack of success and happiness in life.

We are often hyper-critical of ourselves, entitled, selfish and cruel (even to our supply sources we want to keep around), we can be impulsive and short-sighted, we lack empathy and the ability to develop emotional connections with others, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Those are the major things, and there are others that are extensions of these.

I also want to add that a lot of people say that narcissists are lonely, because we can't emotionally connect with others. I disagree. I don't have any drive to connect with others. I don't want to feel loved except that it usually provides me with attention and power.

I do want to warn you: it's generally not a good idea to try to make a narcissist unhappy. Often our own behaviors are plenty damaging to us. If you try to make us unhappy, our competitive nature will probably lead us to target you and seek revenge (which is often disproportionate). You are better off staying away from us and letting us ruin our own lives.
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1.) To beat a narc, you have to act like a narc. Ignore the narc; (s)he will hate that. Do the silent treatment like how the narc played you.

2.) Confront the narc that (s)he is narcissist. The narc will go into tantrum like a little  spoiled brat.

3.) Show the narc you are happy after the break up. The narc will get really jealous because you're supposed to be destroyed after he or she just left you like trash.

4.) Do not chase the narc after the break up. (S)He will be curious, Narcissist: Why are you not chasing me? I am special. You supposed to be chasing me. You’re lucky I went out with you, you imbecile fool!

5.) When you find out the narc is cheating, you do the first move and tell the narc to F*ck Off, we are done. No contact, block all communications.

6.) Better yourself after the break up. Go to the gym, dress nicer, go out with friends the narc used to hate when you were still together and have fun.

7.) Throw a weekly party at your place with your friends after the break up. (After 6 months of no contact, my friends told me that my ex narc is messaging them on fb and told them that she misses the get together at my place). Narcissists get bored easily, I promised you the narc is already bored looking at the new shiny supply!

8.) Get a new girl friend (I picked her friend, OMG she was pissed!).

9.) Show the narc that (s)he is no longer in control and have no power over you. Show no emotion and ignore the smearing campaign. Let the narc look stupid!

10.) Take the narc's friends side after the break up. (He or she will f*cking hate that! It will show who really messed up the relationshit).

11.) Show the narc that your life is more interesting before he or she came to your life. The narc will realize who really has issues. The narc wont admit it though, but (s)he know who is trashed.

12.) After finding out the narc is cheating, (s)he will act like “FELAFEL U I have a new bf.” I am just using you now until I move in with my new supply. Please do not pamper the narc and act like it will change anything. The narc’s energy is already with the new shiny loving supply.

Do not baby the narc because you will just get a negative gesture or response. Let the narc do whatever the f*ck (s)he wants and say bye. I promise you, most of the supply they deal with are garbage. The narc will come back begging for you! Ignore that and move on. The narc will really hate that!

13.) Triangulation. If the narcissist and the new supply doesn’t get along or had a fight, the narc will attempt to suck you back in to make the new supply or you jealous.

Narcissist: "I made a mistake baby. After being with him/her, I realized that I really love you and I always think about you".

F that! Don’t fall for that $h!t and don’t join them; make them two triangulate. That will make them both look really stupid!

14.) Ignore the hoover. Narcissist: "I just want him or her to be happy, I prayed to God (s)he is in good hands".

F*ck that $h!t! That is all lies. The new supply is garbage that is why the narc is reaching out to you!

15.) Do not give them the pleasure to validate themselves that they are special. It will make them really miserable because they were so spoiled with their past exes and their family. Break the habit and you will not be forgotten in their f*cked up mind. They will think about you until death.

Narcissist: "How dare you! I don't like you anyway, I just used you!" or "You're so ugly, I just used you because you have money!". Or "You look good that makes me look good, but you are broke!"

16.) If you are already successful in life before you met the narc, continue to be successful and be happy with what you have. Narcissists hates when their partners are more successful, happy or doing better than them. This is one of the reason why they sabotage the relationshit!

17.) Once you heal and get your powers back, you will just laugh at yourself telling yourself how pathetic and low life losers they are. You might bump into them again in the future with a newer supply or they might hoover you again. But, you will be strong and you will not be affected with their BS dramas in life.

You will just ignore the narc. By then, you probably found someone you are waiting for, someone who will love you. Someone who doesn't have to wear a mask and future fake you. (My ex narc was upset when she found out her ex from 2 previous relationship got married. I was like "Huh? That is so weird". They don't like their exes to be happy because they cant be happy).

18.) And lastly, let the narc know that you know what his/her game is. The narc will fear you! If you do the above I mentioned then they won’t bother you anymore. They will be really miserable because they can’t control you anymore.

SORRY, I WROTE MORE THAN 10. THIS QUESTION GOT ME ALL HYPED UP!

Note: They are already miserable people and they will try to suck you in with their misery. Please don’t waste your time and energy with these toxic people. They want attention like a little kid 24/7. If you don’t give it to them, then they will create chaos and drama.

They will never change, because they used the same script with every victim and it works! That is the only thing they know; to manipulate and screw peoples lives. You are better off alone than to be involved with these evil creatures!

I know it is hard in the beginning of the break up because of the trauma bond, but stand your ground and move on. Time and loving yourself again will help you heal. Life is too short to be miserable like them. Enjoy life while you can.

https://www.quora.com/Which-ten-things-make-a-narcissist-miserable

[tellomon]

What ten things make
a narcissist miserable?

Part Four

1. Rejection: Narcissists have a deep-seated fear of rejection, and the thought of not being admired or valued can cause them great distress.

2. Criticism: Narcissists have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and criticism can be a trigger for feelings of insecurity and vulnerability.

3. Loss of control: Narcissists thrive on control, and the thought of losing control over a situation or person can be incredibly distressing.

4. Being ignored: Narcissists need to be the center of attention and crave constant admiration, so being ignored or overlooked can be a source of great misery.

5. Being challenged: Narcissists often see themselves as superior to others, and being challenged or contradicted can be a threat to their sense of self-importance.

6. Feeling unfulfilled: Despite their sense of entitlement, many narcissists are not truly satisfied with their lives and may experience feelings of emptiness and boredom.

7. Lack of validation: Narcissists rely on external validation to feel good about themselves, so a lack of validation from others can be a source of misery.

8. Exposure of their flaws: Narcissists have a fragile self-esteem and a deep-seated fear of being seen as imperfect, so exposure of their flaws can be a source of misery.

9. Rejection from their idealized image: Narcissists often have an idealized image of themselves that they strive to maintain, so rejection from this ideal can be a source of misery.

10. Inability to manipulate or control others: Narcissists often use manipulation and control to maintain their sense of power and superiority, so being unable to manipulate or control others can be a source of misery.
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I am going to list these in no particular order and there are certainly more than 10 things that makes them miserable. I’ll list the first 10 reasons I was discarded or abused with the silent treatment (that was his favorite) and I swear I could not make this sh!t up.

1 —If you wrap Christmas presents too loudly- tape makes too much noise. (His family's gifts mind you —he carried on Christmas Eve night, then didn't speak to me the rest of night. Sulked upstairs all Christmas morning).

2 —If your 16 yr. old daughter who just started driving breaks down at 9 at night and calls her mother for help. He left the state for that one. I mean it was a work night and she should have just called a cab.

3 —If you make too much noise getting ready for work and disturb their sleep while they are unemployed and living in your home for free.

4 —If your grown child votes for the Democrat running for president. He didn't speak to me for at least a week.

5 —When they get beat at a card game you're playing with your parents. He moved out of State that time.

6 —If you disagree on the subject of grandchildren. If any of my children or his children had babies not of our race he would disown his own kids and grandkids and leave me if my kids dared to love another color. I actually thought that was a joke (very early on in the relationship). I believe that was my first time discarded.

7 —When I caught him on a dating site —I then created an account and messaged him on it (we were living together at the time), he told me to take my profile down immediately and left me because he said I was looking at other men.

8 —If any person of the opposite sex talked, looked at me, it was because I had a v-neck tee shirt on and brushed my teeth before we went out. I got the silent treatment more times than I can count for that.

9 —If any of my children dared bring any friends into my home. Again I was left for that several times.

10 —When you dare call them out for sexually abusing you while you are sleeping. (Final discard- that came from me).

This was interesting reflecting on this. I cannot even fathom where my head was when I tolerated all this f*cking nonsense. There are at least 20 more things I could list. I'm almost embarrassed to hit the submit button, but if this can help just 1 person out there: RUN! I will take the chance.

Life is beautiful and whole once you are free from these f*cking arrogant, ignorant, abusive, lying, stealing, cheating, mean people. They don't heal or get better because they are f*cking perfect just the way they are. Just ask them (I shouldn't say all of them and I do apologize for that. I can only speak of my ex).
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Oh, it's quite satisfying to think about being able to make the Narcissist miserable, isn't it?

It's not easy to make someone who's already pretty miserable, like the Narcissist, even more miserable, but it can happen.

10. Giving them what they want. Oddly enough, the more you do what they want, the more annoyed they become. This is because they always need to feel superior and your compliance won't match their insatiable hunger for attention.

9. Being too independent. Narcissists can't stand it when you prioritize your own needs over theirs. They need you focused on them all the time.

8. Not giving them what they want. This might seem contradictory to number 10, but that's how these Narcissists operate. If you don't give in, they might resort to manipulative tactics like giving you the silent treatment.

7. Not putting up with their nonsense. If you call them out on their behavior, they'll fight back to regain control. They might try everything to get you back in line.

6. Checking their facts. Narcissists often don't deal with reality the way we do. If you start questioning their statements and actions, they'll get annoyed and uncomfortable. They really don't want to be caught.

5. Using the Grey Rock technique. If you can't cut them out of your life completely, you can still ignore their manipulative behavior. This usually makes them ramp up their tactics to get your attention.

4. Holding back attention. Simply not treating them like they're super important can drive them crazy. They might try to involve others to make you jealous.

3. Making them feel inferior. If you achieve something they haven't, like a promotion or a new car, their fragile ego will get hurt. Jealousy is a big thing for them, and they might try to belittle your accomplishments.

2. Exposing their true self. If you straight-up tell them that you see through their facade, they might blow up in anger or collapse emotionally. They might even accuse you of being a Narcissist.

And the number one way to really get to them...

Going No Contact. This really gets on their nerves. Ignoring their attempts to draw you back into their games and manipulations bothers them BIG TIME!.

And that's it – game over!
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There are a lot of things that narcissists cannot stand that make them miserable, but there are three things that I would like to focus on. Things that provoke certain emotions within them and make them very angry; it makes them feel like they need to do something. And these 3 things are:

1. When they can’t get a reaction out of you.

The narcissist cannot stand it when they can’t get a reaction out of you. They always have to win and they have to have the last laugh, so they want you to fail. They want you to be miserable. It gives them satisfaction and makes them feel better about themselves. But when you move on and become a better person, it makes them really angry. Narcissists hate it when you ignore them and try to do better with your life.

There’s nothing they hate more than losing control. They’re very envious and jealous, so they use people to regulate their self-esteem. And if they cannot control you, they cannot control their own emotions. Even if you go no contact, they will still be watching to see if you have moved on.

They will want to see if you are still hurting or if you have managed to overcome everything that they put you through. It gives them great satisfaction to know if you are still suffering, and it makes them feel better about their own lives. But if you’ve moved on and you’re doing good, it makes them really angry.

2. When they feel like someone is stealing the show.

When someone else attracts more attention and praise, and when they feel like someone has taken their spotlight, the narcissist cannot give them the praise that they deserve, so they will become bitter and resentful towards them. They will undermine them and target their self-esteem. They will try to change the way that people perceive them and will do anything to bring that person down to their level.

Narcissists especially hate it if someone steals your attention away from them because they want all of your attention, and they get very jealous when they see someone else receiving it from you.

They feel entitled to all of your time and attention, and they think that anyone else is just not deserving of it, or they will try to make you think that you are not deserving of anyone else, as though they’re the only ones who will tolerate you.

3. When people don’t validate their false self.

When people don’t validate their illusions, when they don’t go along with their false narrative, and when they don’t agree with their proposals or ideas, they see it as rejection and they cannot take No for an answer- that is an offense to the narcissist.

It causes narcissistic injury, which will be followed by narcissistic rage because, in their twisted minds, it’s unfair. Narcissists believe that they have a right to whatever they want, just because they want it.

So if you deny them of anything, something must be wrong with you. You were trying to make their lives difficult or inconvenient, so now you must pay the price and you deserve to be punished because, in their minds, you have no right to tell them No.

But if you do, they will show you every reason why you are wrong, why you are beneath them, and why they are superior to you, as though they are greater than anything that you have to offer, as though they’re better than you. And when you say No to a narcissist, it puts a boundary between you and them, and they do not like that.

Narcissists want measurement and want to make boundaries for you so that they can place you within certain limits, and keep you under their control, but they do not want you to have any boundaries for yourself.

They need to have access to their supply at all times. They need to be able to have and do whatever they want, whenever they want. And they cannot understand the concept that they cannot always get what they want.
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Narcissists are made miserable by the smallest and oddest of things. You will be so shocked that they don’t need money, wealth, the best looks nor the best body.

These ten things make narcissists very miserable:

1.Being intelligent

Narcissists fear intelligent people, because intelligent people have very smart ways to deal with things. They are awkwardly sharp and their sense of reaction to things is never what anyone expects. Narcissists do not like things which confuse their understanding. They think that everyone is so easy to deal with.

2. Being wonderfully weird

Following from the point above, narcissists get really miserable when someone was supposed to cry but they are not. They are instead laughing, smiling, joking or just kissing. Being wonderfully weird makes narcissists get confused and they feel so bad inside. You were supposed to cry, not have fun.

3. Being brave

There is nothing greater in life than to face that fear which has always been disturbing you. A narcissist will never disturb you again if you put your foot down.They will approach you with more respect and care since you have shown how courageous you can be. Do not let them get the best of you. Be brave.

4. Fighting back

Yes, why should someone hit on your woman when you are there? Why should some trick seduce your husband as if you aren’t there? Put that trick down. Narcissists fear someone who can fight back. They know that you're property and anything else that is yours is a not-to-be-messed-with stuff. So, tell off that loser.

5.Laughing at their whims

Narcissists try too hard to make us sad but, when we just laugh at their efforts, they get so pissed. This is my favorite. I laugh and laugh when they try their ills on me and this makes their self esteem diminish fast. Remember point number 2? Be weird when they expect you to cry. Laugh instead.

6. Being happy and very happy indeed

The best killer to a sad soul is laughter and happiness. Try it today. When narcissists see you happy, they cringe at the thought. They know that all they have been doing has not fazed you and that you are just okay. Being a happy victim is the worst thing that can be shown to a narcissist. Be happy. Your joy is yours. Own it!

7. Showing love

When love comes in, hate goes out. Love those sad people so much that they feel embarrassed to hate you. Many women that are narcissistic with men, want those men and the reverse is also true. So, maybe someone has a crush. Love those people and see how that changes them to be kinder. You don’t have to date them, but you can flirt with them.

8.Staying focused

Remember number 1? Narcissists hate an organized, intelligent and responsible person. Usually this is a very focused person. They would prefer someone that is obviously going to fail, so that they can belittle and make fun of. So, do not give them that pleasure. It is time for you to be very focused. Start today.

9. Being successful

Following from the point above, narcissists fear a successful person, because they know that this person is worth lots of cash, or good health or good education. Success is defined in many ways. They fear that. They fear that people respect you and that you are inspiring. They fear that women crush on you and men get attracted to you. They fear that you are the best in your class and very important at the work place and in Life.

10. Having a "Never Say Die" attitude

No matter what they say, do or try, they will see me again and again and again. Yippe-Kae-yay! Like Bruce Willis on Die Hard.

Narcissists fear when we don’t give up. We are like weeds at the edge of a river bank, always coming back for more.

Let us be tough as nails.

Narcissists will always be saddened by these things.

https://www.quora.com/Which-ten-things-make-a-narcissist-miserable

[tellomon]

How do I write some powerful words to my ex-narc?

Send them a “Get Well Soon” card.

Sign it “Sincerely, Reality.”

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-write-some-powerful-words-to-my-ex-narc

[tellomon]

Do narcissists just need someone to understand them and can handle them?

Absolutely not.

Narcissists don't want your understanding. Narcissists want your obedience, reaction, and tolerance towards their behavior.

Narcissists want someone who will take their nonsense without complaining.

Understanding happens in healthy relationships.
Not in relationships with narcissists.
They don't have genuine problems that you should understand.
Narcissists create problems to make you feel bad and to get your reaction, so there is no understanding.

Narcissists don't want you to handle them; they just want you to follow them.
Narcissists want control, authority, and power in relationships.
Your job is to obey whatever they say.

Being in a relationship with narcissists is like sacrificing your worth, respect, needs, desires, choices, opinions, soul, mental health etc., just to make the narcissist feel good about themselves.

It's pretty f*cking pathetic. Give them NOTHING. Better yet: Avoid them at all costs.
_________________________________

No.
A true narcissist does not want to be understood.

If they are understood, they can't control that source/supply.
What they want is a supply of adoration, confusion, chaos and a group of people they can control. The last thing they want is to be understood. And you can't “handle” a true narcissist.

They will beat you at manipulation every time.
__________________________________

No.

Narcissists WANT people to think they understand and can handle them, so they can manipulate and control them.

Narcissists are incapable of change The sooner you understand and accept that, the better the rest of your life will be. It's nice to daydream about saving someone you love from themselves, but narcs never think there's anything wrong with them and will blame you for trying.
___________________________________

No they can’t be “ALONE” with themselves that’s why they will take “ANYTHING”, even a downgrade if they must!
____________________________________

No.

Narcissists want:

Other humans to be their slaves every single day.
Slaves, as in not having opinions, goals or desires. As in blind loyalty. As in depending on the narcissist for the very breath of life.
Be available when their poison comes out of their mouth via devaluation, judgement and criticism.
Be available when they wish to rage and complain about imaginary issues and things.
Be ok with how they wish to treat you, even humiliation in public.

If there is one single person on planet Earth that is happy to serve a vile human being as this, then sorry but you must really hate yourself and are no doubt moving towards your own suicide.
_______________________________

Narcissists just need to understand that if they grew a pair, and actually went all the way with their superiority clownplex, they’d delude themselves into thinking that they are the only ones worthy of their own company.

Instead, we get the most detrimentally delusional, needy little sh!ts that physical reality will permit.

Narcissists with handles is a good idea though.

https://nvsyndrome.quora.com/Do-narcissists-just-need-someone-to-understand-them-and-can-handle-them

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

This applies to everyday...

[tellomon]

Jill Biden Ripped by
Biden Donor 
Slammed with 1 Brutal Accusation She Didn’t See Coming

By Mick Farthing
July 2, 2024

After Joe Biden crashed and burned in last week’s debate, many liberals are asking him to step down. Many Democrat strategists are right now, no doubt pestering the Biden campaign to get him to quit the race. If Biden does, there is a chance they can salvage the 2024 Election.

But so far, the Biden campaign has refused to admit Biden is too ill to run for president.

One of the most vocal proponents for Biden staying in is his wife, Jill Biden. The first lady refuses to admit that something is wrong with Joe. Despite living with him, seeing him every day, she continues to push for him to stay in the election. Now, a top Democrat donor is outing Jill’s real motive.

From Daily Wire:
Billionaire Bill Ackman, who has reportedly donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to Democrats like former president Barack Obama, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, and Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, blasted First Lady Jill Biden for her apparent refusal to consider her husband stepping down from being the 2024 Democratic presidential nominee…

Ackman took to X to post his reaction to Biden staying in the race. He wrote:

“It is becoming increasingly clear however that the fault lies with  @FLOTUS  Jill Biden. FL Jill Biden becomes irrelevant the moment her husband is no longer president. No more Air Force One. No more glamorous life. No more White House dinners for dignitaries. No more being treated like a queen when traveling the world.”

If there is anyone who should be urging Biden to step down, it should be his wife. Jill Biden knows better than anyone else that Biden is not well. Yet she pretended like he did a great job after the debate. She and Hunter Biden refuse to admit that Biden is too ill to be president.

Bill Ackman, a billionaire who has donated to Democrats for years, is outing why Jill Biden is doing this. He claims that Jill Biden will be “irrelevant the moment” Joe is no longer in office. She will no longer be able to fly on Air Force One. And she will not enjoy the “glamorous life” she has right now.

Other pundits have said much the same thing. That Jill Biden relishes the power and attention being the first wife gives her. They say she is unwilling to get her husband to quit so she can keep enjoying these luxuries.

If so, I can’t imagine an eviler thing to do to a sick man. Even outsider observers know Biden is suffering from some kind of cognitive decline. His wife would know better than anyone else. Yet, she is not doing what you’d expect a loyal wife would do, encourage Biden to quit for his own well-being. Instead, she is pushing an obvious lie that he is fine, to put herself first.

Does that sound sickening to you? Does it sound shockingly immoral? You wouldn’t be the only person to think that.

Key Takeaways:
>Big Democrat donor Bill Ackman accused Jill Biden of forcing Joe to stay in the race for her own benefit.

>Ackman said that Jill refuses to admit Biden is ill because of the perks she gets from being the first lady.

>The overwhelming consensus after the debate is that Biden is not fit for office; Jill Biden refuses to admit this and wants Biden to run.

https://pjnewsletter.com/democrat-donor-rips-jill-biden/?utm_source=tpi&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=TPI07032024WUC

[tellomon]

Of all the narcissistic tactics used against you, which would you say has had the most profound negative affect on your well being?

From: Sherry Kopack <auntb5208@yahoo.com>
To: m86thecat@yahoo.com <m86thecat@yahoo.com>
Sent: Monday, January 15, 2024 at 10:15:10 PM PST
Subject: Options/eviction

Attention, Ronald Culley;

When I saw you on the 6th of January, 2024, you had received an eviction notice, which will be carried out if you don't accept my offer by the 30th of January, 2024.

I had offered to pay your moving expenses, and to also pay your property taxes. I'm letting you know that the total cost of the moving expenses and the cost of your property taxes will NOT exceed $3,000.00...I will pay you what ever is left  after the move is completed, which will be done  by February 6th, 2024. We can both sign an agreement to this offer.

Keep in mind, that by accepting this offer, your move must be completed by February 6th, 2024. This offer will be void on midnight, January 30th, 2024, and the money that would have gone to help you will go to an unlawful detainer, instead. To be  delivered to XXXX San Bernardino Ave.
Sugarloaf, Ca. -92386-

Sherry Kopack

https://www.quora.com/Of-all-the-narcissistic-tactics-used-against-you-which-would-you-say-has-had-the-most-profound-negative-affect-on-your-well-being-1

Talkative Tuesday with Special Guest Ron Tello

Arkansauce🔧
1.2K subscribers

381 views  Streamed 4 weeks ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4SCqkWiV1M

[tellomon]

They want you to love them but they sh!t on you in return.
How Narcissists Respond
When You Don't Care About Them Anymore

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fv-tUGNt7_U

@teyonna3844
1 hour ago
The more I kept giving the narcissist a chance, the worst it gets. I have 0 fcks to give to a narcissist.


@AngelEyes-xm7el
5 hours ago
I did give him another chance. Huge mistake. Now my grown kids were told lies from their dad. We are now estranged. Living homeless but a minister is trying to help me.  Yes the scars are deep. Thanks for a great chat.


@geraldpleasant7733
2 hours ago
It a waste time with a narcissist plain and simple.

[tellomon]