Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

The Narcissist's False Self

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7106hZyR6Z0

Page 12
550 Replies
17517 Views

[tellomon]

Narcissists and Splitting: Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde and More

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7EJbqoaf98

@BEEBEE159
3 years ago
I always maintained my ex-wife's cars throughout our 25 yr marriage. I don't trust "professional" mechanics, and I ALWAYS maintained and repaired her cars myself. When she was discarding me, she told me that I never fixed her cars, ever. I was shocked when she said that; but the way she looked when she said it, her body language and everything.

I could tell that she really believed what she was saying. That was the strangest thing in the world to me...how I could take care of her cars for 25 yrs, and she believes it never happened. These people are crazy, no doubt, and a danger to society.

[tellomon]

Are narcissists good listeners?

Absolutely not. During the love bombing phase, a narcissist will listen to you carefully to learn about your life because they want to use your weaknesses and information against you. Once the love bombing phase is over, they don't listen to you properly.

Narcissists don't care about your feelings or life, so they aren't interested in listening to you at all. Narcissists want you to listen to their lives, orders, and activities. Narcissists want you to hear everything they say carefully, or else they get angry and frustrated.

Although narcissists will listen to you sometimes when they want information about you, someone, or some conversation that benefits them, Narcissists will just walk away or pretend to act busy, or they will act like they didn't listen to you or ignore you when you have to share, discuss, or tell them something.

https://thedarkworldofnarcissistbysevinc.quora.com/Are-narcissists-good-listeners

[tellomon]

When A Narcissist Thinks
You Can't Be Swayed Easily, This Is How They Employ
Their Tactics

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1GXwO-VPGU

[tellomon]

4 Reasons Narcissists
Are Abusive

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=io1tj6zuMUg

@Axess-sv8nq
5 years ago
I honestly think they enjoy hurting people. Every one of the Narcissists I've had the misfortune to deal with in life were very amused by other people going through a hard time or being upset. It's sick.

@manapeace
11 months ago
If my family had a motto it would be “Give me what I want or I will punish you”.

@Healinglove
2 years ago
Mine was a perpetual victim of his childhood.
Feel sorry for me, ALL the time. Delusional sickos!

[tellomon]

They don't understand their reality is fake. They are completely opportunistic whatever benefits them.

Narcissists Deny Facts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIxwHXCw33Q

@ronaldculley
0 seconds ago
She told me "You don't have any Rights!"

@eajosephedward
5 years ago
Or they'll say I don't remember or I don't recall

@_k911
5 years ago
I like to call it, “selective amnesia”...

@michaelsmedberg8447
5 years ago
The "feelings are facts" describes these toxic people so well.

@rodotoledo2034
11 months ago
“inject a police officer into the situation and see how fast the
narcissist gets control of themselves” I know that too damn well!

@Nancy-yw1rr
3 years ago
I have witnessed this behavior literally thousands of times. What I don't understand is how  they can deny truths you can actually present proof of to them. It literally makes them look crazy.

[tellomon]

Understanding Narcissistic Rage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBWgBmmiJqM

@crencottrell7849
3 years ago
I've dealt with narcs when they exhibited narcissistic rage...they TRULY acted evil/hateful/demon-possessed  and the amount of anger/hatred/vindictiveness was ALWAYS disproportionate to what they were angry about


@nykkirshade7219
1 year ago
They antagonize you, manipulate you, and push you to see if you’ll react. If and when you take the bait, and react to their abuse, they will rage! They will freak out!


@tedschmitt178
4 years ago (edited)
Regular narcissistic rage takes on a whole different dimension when the narcissist has had a few drinks.  Any self control they normally have goes out the window.

[tellomon]

"If you appreciate my work, I will appreciate your input."

[tellomon]

What's the best way
to live with a covert
narcissist?

There is no best way to live with a covert narcissist. There is no best way to live with any narcissist.

If you don’t mind becoming a shadow of your former self, being dismissed, diminished, marginalized, abused, ignored, mistreated, demeaned, devalued, confused, unloved, unappreciated, and used in every way the narcissist can conceive of, then you will be able to exist with them.

However, it won’t be living…not by a long shot.

They will constantly be vying for the upper hand in everything. They will maneuver and scheme to gain control and dominate you. They will do this at your expense. You will always be paying and they will always be stealing something of great value to you (your identity, your career, your time, your talents, your relationships, etc.) and from you in order to maintain any kind of relationship with them.

A narcissist really doesn’t care what it costs you to be in a relationship with them. They don’t even care if it costs you your life.

It’s just not worth the effort and investment. You will come up on the short end of the stick and leave with less than what you started with.

Thanks for the A2A.
___________________________________________

Keep everything to yourself. Do not divulge any personal information. Lie about your life and tell them you're having a difficult time. Be completely vague.

Act like you're a failure. Act sad. When you act this way they won't try their manipulations on you as much. You feeling bad makes them feel good and like they don't have to make you feel bad because you already do. Remember this, narcissists feel much better when you feel bad.

Agree with all the terrible things they say about others. This makes them feel you are on their side. This will keep them from triangulating you with other people.

Be completely stoic. Never react emotionally to anything they say, NOT EVER.

If they devalue you or belittle you just make believe like you never heard them say anything. Never directly confront a narcissist and especially a covert narcissist. If you directly confront one of these people they will put you in an early grave.

Do not bring up the news or a negative topic. If you do they will grab onto this like it's a nugget of gold. Then they'll get you and the rest of the group emotionally entwined and make everybody upset in the process. They love to watch you get emotionally involved in trivial things. It gives them a sense of absolute power. And if somebody else brings up the news or another topic, just listen and don't say anything. Or of course if they directly ask you just agree with them on everything they say.

Do not put up boundaries. If you hear somebody tell you that you need to put up boundaries with the narcissist they don't really don't have much experience with narcissists. If you have to deal with one you deal with one in a way that is completely indirect. The time you put up boundaries is if you noticed that the person is a covert narcissist and then you can completely avoid them if at all possible. Never ever directly talk to a narcissist about issues you have with them as they will make sure to destroy you. And this makes no difference if you’re family, husband, wife, relative..etc.

The absolute best way to deal with a covert narcissist is to not deal with them at all.

You spot them and then you know how to act around them if you absolutely have to be around this person.

And then you make sure that you keep them at an arm's distance or completely out of your life if at all possible.

Remember, the best way to deal with the narcissist is to cut them out of your life.

There's nothing you can do or say that's going to make any difference.

https://www.quora.com/Whats-the-best-way-to-live-with-a-covert-narcissist

[tellomon]

You sent
It's about Sherry and her evil plan right now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4SCqkWiV1M

Kat
I saw her at post office she didn't see me she was trying to get Paul to forward her mail he said no she asked again he said no.... hahaha saw her new boyfriend.

You sent
It's a mess. Stand by...

Kat
she runs him around like a kid hahaha
stand your ground do it legal

You sent
Oh I am legal

Kat
good haha sheri

You sent
new guy is a sheep

Kat
just keep your doors locked so she doesn't pull some sh!t.. i don't trust her

You sent
lost his personality

Kat
yes he is poor idiot

You sent
he signed up for it

Kat
just wait

You sent
needs to hand over his Man Card
she will toss him soon enuff

Kat
lol

[tellomon]

And in other news......

[tellomon]

How And Why The Narcissist
Plays The Reverse Discard
On You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPdKj9URcp4

[tellomon]

The more logical your solution is, the more
they will punish you for suggesting it.

Why You Can't Help Narcissists

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPmxw3s-Z3A

@beth8275
1 year ago
People that have no business being in relationships. They are just beyond impossible

@Nancy-yw1rr
1 year ago
You can't help anyone who won't accept new information.

@byefelicia7736
1 year ago
TRUTH!! 1000%. There is NO reaching them. No matter how nice you say something, how genuine you are being, in how many different ways you TRY desperately to explain something or offer a solution, how much evidence you present, it does not matter. They will not accept it. If they feel something, its fact to them. Period. It is extremely crazy making and frustrating.

[tellomon]

"They don't move on, they move away."
Narcissists Cannot Move On

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CGFxaSQdFU

@Langolin1998
2 years ago
They can recall things that were done to them years ago, but if you try to discuss something they did minutes ago, they don’t remember or act like everything is just fine.

@kamikatz12
2 years ago
"You are a tool to help regulate their emotions." Wow.

@shelley7975
2 years ago
They are definitely stuck in time and there is absolutely no way to move them forward.  They don't want to change.

@ctgal9698
2 years ago
They are stuck and live in their past. Emotionally stunted=Emotionally draining individuals. The repetitive storytelling and 'woe is me', feel bad for me mentality will deplete you of any sanity you have when you remain in their presence.

[tellomon]

Narcissistic Relationships:
The Art of War,
The Art of Not Reacting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve5GEW01cEw

This is a healthy tool for everyone, not just useful in toxic dynamics.

[tellomon]

Do you think a narcissist is evil,
or do you think they’re
just damaged?

They're extremely evil, and here are some reasons why:

1. They lack a conscience and remorse.

Due to narcissists' lack of empathy, likely they don't have any conscience or remorse, and that is also one of the reasons they do evil things. The narcissist is not aware of the pain they cause you and others. They don't feel remorse, guilt, or shame when their actions hurt others.

If they care about other people, it is only to exploit them for what benefits them most. Their sense of entitlement is too high for them to feel guilty or ashamed. That is why if you know someone who reflects this behavior, you know what they can do and what they're willing to do just to save their face. If that's the case, you have to leave them right away.

2. They are incapable of empathy.

Empathy allows us to feel compassion for one another and would help us treat each other with kindness and respect. It's also a key component of healthy self-esteem. Without it, we cannot value ourselves or others as worthy human beings, which most narcissists lack. The very definition of narcissism is the inability to empathize with others.

Narcissists cannot see things from another person's perspective. They lack emotional awareness. They can't put themselves in someone else's shoes. They're often incapable of feeling compassion or sympathy for other people, which makes them selfish and self-absorbed. And because they tend not to think before they act, narcissists are prone to doing stupid things that hurt other people and then blaming those people for their behavior.

3. They have an inflated sense of entitlement.

Narcissists have a high sense of entitlement, which is why they feel entitled to abuse their victims. They think it's okay to do whatever makes them happy, even if it hurts other people.

Narcissists don't care about anyone but themselves and their needs. They use others as tools to fulfill their desires. They often do this with complete disregard for the other person's feelings.

They see others as objects to be used and discarded and don't care what happens to the people around them. When things appear like this, narcissists still likely do more evil things. The best way to avoid their cruelty is to stay away from them. You wouldn't like to get annihilated by someone like narcissists, right?

4. They are sadistic and enjoy inflicting pain on others.

Some narcissists are relatively ordinary and can adapt to how society works, but some of them, like Ted Bundy, are those narcissists who enjoy inflicting pain on others. Being feared by many makes them feel alive, even when they are just miserable beings. Worse is that they can do anything just to satisfy their desires, and once narcissists have had a taste of this, they are going to reach the point of no return.

So, if you ask, "Why do narcissists do evil things?" their sadistic tendencies are just one of the many reasons they do it. Do you have plans to be in a relationship with a narcissist? If so, I honestly ask you to think again and save yourself from unnecessary pain.

5. They are grandiose.

Narcissists think they are above the rules, so they break them just because they can. Their minds work differently than ours, and they can get distinguished as arrogant, but that's an underwhelming word to describe narcissists.

Self-confidence, a sense of grandiosity, is what fits them most. It means that narcissists think they are nobles or kings that can do anything they wish. Hence, they do evil things left and right. Sometimes there's no other reason to explain a narcissist's behavior. You just have to accept that they are the way they are supposed to be, and you just had to ensure they won't affect you in any of your schemes.

6. They are highly manipulative.

You must know they are clever and have many ways to get what they want. They will use whatever means necessary, including lying, cheating, and stealing, to achieve their goals.

The problem is that narcissists don't think about the consequences of their actions, even if it means hurting you. They only care about themselves. That is why they will make a fool out of you and trick you into believing their lies. This trait has been a significant characteristic of narcissists, and they won't quickly get it out of them.

Being manipulative became second nature for narcissists, which is also one of the reasons why they are doing evil things. Narcissists just don't know when to stop in their lives, and they won't ever entertain that thought because that only means they will lose their face.

7. They lack responsibility.

What most narcissists are afraid of is taking responsibility for their mistakes. They want all the fun but will immediately run off when taking the blame and facing the consequences. And when they become desperate to escape their mistakes, they are always ready to do evil things.

Their desperation not to be accountable for their actions is too strong that they lose their moral values. It's like escaping death for them because the second they get caught, narcissists' world will crumble. Do you still expect that they will change? Remember, it's not wrong to root for them, but it will eventually turn sour when you keep fooling yourself.

https://www.quora.com/Do-you-think-a-narcissist-is-evil-or-do-you-think-they-re-just-damaged

[tellomon]

How do you make a narcissist
fear you and respect you?

A narcissist has no respect for anyone. Respect is the basis of every relationship - that’s the key word. It is the foundation. Without it, no relationship can function.

A narcissist does not respect anyone. He pretends to respect, but deep in his twisted mind, he feels jealousy mixed with contempt and hatred. The narcissist believes that he is entitled to everything that others have and believes that he deserves it all. He believes that others do not deserve what they have and how much they have. A narcissist always feels hurt by having less than others.

The narcissist has an inferiority complex that he must constantly correct by devaluing, humiliating, ridiculing, and mocking other people.

The narcissist interprets respect based on the number of zeros in the account, and when he reaches that account, the zeros disappear and the respect along with them.

A narcissist’s words never match his actions. The only exception to this rule is when a narcissist shows disrespect through both actions and words.

The narcissist expects to be respected and admired, but he does not give this to others. The more you respect and admire a narcissist, the less respect he has for you. A narcissist knows who he really is, and when you buy into his mask, his lies and illusions, then he thinks you are a fool and has no respect for you. With each lie, he has less and less respect for you. The more you apologize, beg, forgive, accept more bad things, and let him come back. Not only is respect no longer there, but it has been trampled to the ground.

The narcissist has built a new foundation - contempt, and with each new lie, the level of this contempt increases. The narcissist ignored your needs and your opinion, drove you crazy, didn’t answer your calls, blocked you, disappeared, didn’t keep his promises. This is all completely disrespectful.

A narcissist needs a servant and a slave to whom he will not have to pay or thank you.

The narcissist treats you like an object. The problem is that even objects are treated with respect. For a narcissist, any item can end up in the trash at any time. If someone doesn’t respect you, do you give them your time and attention? Do you give them your all? ...NO . You end the friendship, and you don’t want to see that person anymore, and that’s what you need to do with a narcissist

A narcissist does not respect your decisions. He does not respect your feelings, and you are not an authority for him in any field. For a narcissist, you are simply a socket that he has plugged into and draws power from, and he can plug in somewhere else at any time.

Does a narcissist respect other people?

For show...yes, but what does he do as soon as that person leaves? Isn’t he gossiping about this person..?

What he says about others will one day be said about you. A narcissist likes to minimize your merits and achievements and exaggerate his own.

Respect is when someone puts themselves in someone else’s shoes. Does a narcissist respect you when he deliberately tries to make you jealous? Does a narcissist respect you when you need something, when you need help, or when you are sick?

When your relationship with a narcissist is over, you must respect yourself enough to not allow yourself to be even more disrespectful - which is to allow the narcissist to come back into your life. The narcissist took advantage of you and abandoned you. This is the greatest lack of respect that should eliminate the narcissist from your life once and for all and make him non-existent for you.

You need to close this chapter of your life once and for all.

Why would you want to be with someone so hopeless, who has no respect for you at all?

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?

Respect yourself enough to never let a narcissist get close to you again. A narcissist has no respect for anyone, and if he gives the impression that he does, it is only because he wants to get something A narcissist is a parasite, and a parasite has no respect for its host, it attaches itself to it and only takes it against the host’s will and knowledge.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-make-a-narcissist-fear-you-and-respect-you

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists like
negative reactions so much?
Why do they feel in control
with them?

Narcissists prefer positive as well as negative responses; narcissists favor negative reactions more. Narcissists can't survive without narcissistic supplies. Narcissists feel extremely good when they get positive attention, admiration, compliments, appreciation, and validation. Positive attention regulates the self-esteem of narcissists.

For narcissists, negative supply is more important. Most of the time, narcissists prefer negative restriction because it makes them feel power, control, and authority. Narcissists destroy the lives of victims to get negative attention. Narcissists need negative attention around the clock. Narcissistic abuse happens because narcissistic people crave negative reactions all the time.

https://narcissistlies.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-like-negative-reactions-so-much-Why-do-they-feel-in-control-with-them

[tellomon]

What happens to an aging narcissist
when the supply is not what it once was?

When an aging narcissist finds that the sources of narcissistic supply are not as abundant or fulfilling as they once were, it can lead to various reactions and behaviors. Here are some common ways in which aging narcissists may respond to a decline in narcissistic supply:

Increased Aggression or Anger: When a narcissist's need for admiration, validation, and attention is not being met to the same extent as before, they may become more irritable, aggressive, or prone to anger outbursts. This can be a way for them to try to regain control or assert dominance over others.

Depression or Anxiety: A decline in narcissistic supply can also lead to feelings of emptiness, worthlessness, or anxiety in aging narcissists. They may struggle with a loss of identity or purpose if they are no longer receiving the external validation they crave.

Seeking New Sources of Supply: Some aging narcissists may actively seek out new sources of narcissistic supply to compensate for the decline in their usual outlets. This could involve forming new relationships, engaging in attention-seeking behaviors, or trying to boost their self-esteem through other means.

Isolation or Withdrawal: In some cases, aging narcissists may withdraw from social interactions or isolate themselves if they are not receiving the level of attention or admiration they desire. This can be a way for them to protect their fragile self-image or avoid facing the reality of their declining status.

Adaptation or Change in Behavior: While it may be challenging for a narcissist to change their behavior patterns, some aging narcissists may undergo a degree of self-reflection and personal growth as they confront the limitations of their usual coping mechanisms.

This could involve seeking therapy, developing more meaningful relationships, or finding fulfillment in activities that do not revolve around seeking external validation.
It's important to note that individual responses can vary widely, and not all aging narcissists will exhibit the same behaviors when faced with a decline in narcissistic supply.

Additionally, changes in narcissistic behavior can also be influenced by factors such as underlying personality traits, past experiences, and the presence of other mental health issues.
________________________________________

They age ungracefully. If they have money, they buy their supply and companionship - including inappropriate relationships with partners much younger than them.

Often they will go to restaurants, hotels and holidays where they can be waited on - hand and foot - and gain supply from this. (This is the only time I have seen them be “nice” to what they perceive as minions.) They will start splashing out on their “harem”.

Addictions increase - be it prescription drugs, alcohol, excessive and obvious extravagance.

They try desperately to re-capture their youth and looks. They gym compulsively and crow about it, they wear clothes more suited to a teenager (especially women), makeup and makeovers become essential - as do expensive “anti ageing” meds. Plastic surgery?

(Narcissists and cosmetic companies selling anti ageing concoctions - now there’s an area for serious research? Do you think these companies research and actively target the NPD market?)

They flirt outrageously (and sadly) with young people. My ex would flirt with our daughters’ boyfriends - to everyone’s extreme discomfort.

They become bitter - criticism of anyone younger, healthier, or prettier than them that was a reminder of their age - is common.

They hearken back to the “good old days”. Always.

Unless they can capture someone who will be able to tolerate their growing toxicity for the rest of their life - they usually end up being lonely. They have usually destroyed any familial or friendship bonds.

They start reaching out to ex-supplies - children, ex-partners, family - all those victims they maintained on their list of “toys” that they kicked to the curb.

They fade out with a whimper……a sanctimonious martyr like a whimper, attempting to extract the last drops of supply from eliciting sympathy.

This is their karma.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-to-an-aging-narcissist-when-the-supply-is-not-what-it-once-was

[tellomon]

How do narcissists
trap you?

At the beginning, the narcissist is all in.

You can do no harm. You are idealised. You are love-bombed. You are the best thing since sliced bread. Actually, you are better, you are in a league of your own.

The flattery... the intoxicating feelings... the euphoria... the purpose of all that, is to pull you right on in. Yes, the narcissist is all in at the beginning, because they are trying to draw you "all" in.

And once you are all in, once you are emotionally dependent on the narcissist, strongly bonded to the narcissist, then the narcissist releases that long sigh of relief.

Gotchaaa

They have you right where they want you. Their initial investment has paid off.

And, come to think of it, you are no longer so fun anymore in their eyes, but they still want to have lots of fun with you.

Time to pump you up, to take you down.

Time to uplift you, to watch you fall.

Time to get you expecting, so they can withhold.

Time to push you away, from all that is precious to you.

The devaluation... the soul destroying devaluation, starts hitting you left, right, center.

There is no break, it is a constant, even when the narcissist is afar.

The best you can do if you found out you are dealing with a narcissist, is beat them at their own game.

The idealization was all good, but you realize the person is a narcissist?

Get out while you are ahead. Take the idealization and run.

Give them the good ole discard, and don't look back.
__________________________________

1. Love bombing.

Narcissists have had years of practice. They're good at reading people; they know how to manipulate you. They know what to say or do to lure you in. They know how to get you where they need you so that they can get what they want from you.

They will tell you whatever they think you want to hear to make you trust them, to make you give them a chance. That is how they manipulate you; that is how they pull you into their realm.

2. Future faking.

Once the narcissist has given you this false impression, you may want to see it materialize. You may want to see the product they have just sold to you. This is when the narcissist will use future faking.

They will promise you something in the future; they will keep you waiting, thinking that one day things will change. They will sell you a dream, but it's all fake. You will never receive anything from them. The situation will not benefit you because they use future faking to keep you around so they can continue getting what they want from you.

3. Devaluation.

When the narcissist sees that you're getting fed up of waiting for things to change, it will offend them. They will see it as an insult because they expect you to see it as a privilege to be around them. Rather than letting you have the opportunity to criticize their lack of investment in the relationship, they will devalue you.

Despite everything you've done for them, they will minimize it or avoid discussing it. If you were to stop doing those things for them, they would get very angry. It makes you feel like you can't leave, as though your only option is to stay with them and do everything they want you to do while they continue to devalue you because they want you to stay where you are.

They want you to feel like you wouldn't be any good for anyone or anything, as though they're the only ones who can help you when they're actually the one thing holding you back.

4. Isolation.

The narcissist will isolate you, make you dependent on them, and turn you against your family or friends or turn your family and friends against you so that you have no one but them. They become your only source of influence, which means they can tell you whatever they want, and you won't know what's right or wrong.

They want you to feel like they're the only person you can depend on. They abuse you but also want to be the ones who make you feel better, so they can have control over you.

It maintains a code of silence where no one outside of you and the narcissist knows what's really going on.
___________________________________

First they find a way to charm you.

Then they act like you are the most amazing person that they’ve ever met.

They make you feel adored, valued, appreciated and loved. They look at you in a way that nobody has ever looked at you before and it’s amazing.

Then they start the intermittent reinforcement. The more skilled ones do it very slyly so they have plausible excuses for letting you down. When you start to get turned off by the negatives, they start back again on the adoring you thing.

This creates addiction. Once you are fully addicted, they slowly turn up the bad and turn down the good and lower your expectations to where you are thrilled if they will spend an hour with you. If they are highly skilled, they will have a believable excuse for every bad thing they do and play innocent.

The next thing you know, you are constantly trying to please them and you feel you aren’t worthy of being treated well. Some of us wake up and say “WTF? How did I turn into this?”

We are the lucky ones.
We get out.

Seriously, it’s brainwashing and it’s sick.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-narcissists-trap-you

[tellomon]

Why wasn't I good enough
for my narcissist?

Because you didn't make him feel the way he wanted you to make him feel. You see, this is all your fault. You just couldn't stop being so negative, could you? As such, you will be placed on the shelf like the good little appliance you are while he plays with the new thingy he found one day.

Don’t worry, though. He’ll return when his new appliance bores him. Take you right off the shelf. Dust you off. Replace your batteries. Play with you until you show signs of your battery dying again. So, up you go!

He tosses you back on the shelf while he chooses another appliance. You have to watch as he and the new appliance dance happily into the sunset. Don’t worry though. He ‘ll return when his new appliance bores him. Take you right off the shelf.

Were you offended by that at all? Yes? Great! This is how you should feel when the idea of not being good enough crops up in your head. Finding someone good enough is a fruitless quest for a narcissist.

He doesn’t love you. He more than likely loved the way you made him feel.

The insults, the smear campaign, the cheating, the blaming, the stonewalling, the triangulation, the rages, the gaslighting and the projections… all of that is designed to make you believe you’re not good enough.

Don’t hold onto that idea. Be sad that your love wasn't reciprocated. Be sad that he isn't truly the person you knew at the start of the relationship (that guy doesn't exist). If nothing else, know that you have value and that you deserve better.
________________________________

It has nothing to do w/you. No one is good enough for a narcissist!!! The narcissist isn’t even good enough for himself.

Never allow them to make you feel less than…they are not worth it. Mine cheated on me with total FILTH! Literally. They are empty vessels w/holes in them. The more you put in, the more it just leaks right out. They are parasites. So it’s like asking why a mosquito won’t only suck YOU dry…it’s jut never ever enough for them.

Stop thinking about it rationally. They are not rational. It is NOT YOU - it is 100% THEM that is the problem.
___________________________________

Narcissists look for the perfect victim, someone they can always be better than, someone who validates their superior status, someone willing to make more and more sacrifices. As the narcissist's tolerance to the target builds up, due to their childish need for novelty and hatred of routine, the target must surrender an exponentially increasing amount of their own agency to the narcissist.

Mortals that we are though, after too much punishment, we collapse.

That's fine, the narcissist was getting bored anyways.
_______________________________________

It was never anything to do with you, it’s everything to do with them.

They are severely disordered.

They only see in black and white.

Meaning they see everything and everyone as all good, or as all bad.

Example:

You make them happy in some way. You’re all good.

You do something that makes them mad. Now you’re all bad.

This can happen in a matter of a minute time frame too.

See how childish that is?

Not to sound mean, but their mentality is of a child.

They see people as objects.

Like a child sees their toys.

They play with their toys that they currently own.

Then all of a sudden someone buys them or they see a new shiny toy, now that is all they want for awhile.

Their old toys, are still there’s, so they put them away in their toy box.

They forget about the old toys for awhile, but they are still their waiting for when the child wants to play with them again.

But soon, like the old toys, they will bore of the new toy and go back to their old toys and search for a new shiny toy again.

This would be like a narcissist growing bored of new supply or they are fighting, so they Hoover back to old and search for new.

The initial high of someone new, is like a child getting a new toy.

My point is, no matter who the narcissist is with, they will never measure up in their eyes.

Why?

Because they do not attach to people emotionally.

They treat people like objects and use them until there’s nothing left.

I once asked my narcissist, right at the end of the final discard (I knew it was coming, but under unfortunate circumstances, I had to stay with him, until I found a new place, my life fell apart and I was smeared so badly, forced out of my community and had to live with him)…..

Anyways, I knew I wouldn’t get an answer that really meant shite…

But I asked… how is it so easy for you to say goodbye and forget about people after being so close to them for years?

His response: “what you think I just have a pile of people I just cut off?”

I said yes, I believe there’s a lot of them.

All he did was give me an evil smirk.

This is just them.

Their way of thinking is completely distorted and out of wack.

Just remember, anyone that has to destroy, brainwash, gaslight and manipulate a person in order for them to stick around.

This reveals just how sick and twisted the whole situation truly is.

Not only is this behavior completely inhumane, sadistic and overall evil, it is completely pathetic.

So look it at it this way……

You’re going to let someone who literally has to brainwash people to get them to be interested in them, have you wondering why you aren’t good enough?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand this feeling all to well, but you must understand that they will never find the right person that will fit their narrative for the long run.

No matter who they have, they will do the same, they did to you.

It may be hard right now, you may still be stuck in the fog they put you in.

You must go through the pain, that comes with the healing.

Once you’re out of the fog, your mind will be astonished at what you put up with and you will realize just how felafelled up it all was, but you will be able to detect these people and never go through this pain again.

Be strong, you got this.

And always remember, you are ENOUGH, more than ENOUGH.

Narcissists only chose the best people, the empathetic, too good for this world people.

No one else would put up with their sh!t.

You’ve been through one of the most mind felafel-soul taking experience. And you survived.

Life will get better, may not seem that way, but you have to have patience and let yourself heal.

This means going to no contact with the narcissist.

If a narcissist sees their old supply improving and surviving without them, this eats them alive.

Do not respond to them.

Just try your hardest to be strong and create the life you always imagined.

You most definitely deserve it.

https://www.quora.com/Why-wasnt-I-good-enough-for-my-narcissist

[tellomon]

WHY YOU NEED TO GET AWAY
FROM THEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKY5WDg0_Mk

Why you need to get away from them. The narcissist is somebody who only gets worse over time. They do not have your best interest at heart. They will take whatever they can from you and leave you a shell of yourself. No contact and blocking these people is the path.

If you can’t do that right now, utilize gray rock become dull and boring. Create an exit plan to remove yourself from these people and not consume their toxicity. Get away from these people as soon as you have identified who they are. They will only get worse overtime and your life is too valuable to spend one more minute in a relationship with a narcissist. Namaste

[tellomon]

They hate your critical thinking ability
and your refusal to believe in their lies and false identity.

Biggest Thing Narcissist Hates About You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ma3om5hNU2w

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Narcissism: Feeding the Beast

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovv7LEhSQb4

@philu4621
3 hours ago
So sick of this crap with my family...we can never have one normal fricken moment of heart to heart connection cause everyone's stuck in their dang heads! No wonder I'm so f-ed up...I hate being the odd one out around these weirdo narcs with no soul...so tired of it. It's always something with them
..always some negative affect.

[tellomon]

Can The Narcissist Love You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY-_QZaAoyw

Narcissists Live In The Moment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehuz0o2CrJg

Narcissists And Word Salad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvZHDXFTSuo

Narcissists Objectify Others
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbOPNeWOKCk

Why Relationships With Narcissists Are So Damaging
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HggP91sNNGo

Gaslighting From Narcissists is Different
https://www.youtube.com/live/UDe5CActYSg?t=422s

[tellomon]

How to Take the Ultimate
Revenge on a Narcissist -- Don't Fight or Argue and Do This Instead

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gUMzUgFLRtE

@surfkat59
8 months ago
Silence and ignoring them is KEY.


@williamcampbell8939
2 years ago
They are also nicer to strangers than they are the ones that love them because they want to impress them.


@roberttarr907
2 years ago
This stuff should be taught in high school. It would probably save lives.


@spikefivefivefive
2 years ago
"If you're a giver, make sure you know your limits ... because the takers have none."


@kimwill3420
3 years ago
They only target angels with big hearts.


@peengoo
3 years ago
1.Just walk away and let the healing process begin.
2.Forgive yourself for trusting them.
3.Learn a lesson from this trauma.
Life is way too precious to waste on toxic people.
Make your life beautiful again.

[tellomon]

You’ll never get to them, their ego is always going
to be in the way regardless of what you say to them.

Narcissists Will Always Disagree
With You, So STOP TRYING to
Get Through to Them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ddwcxcq-gAY

[tellomon]

A narcissist's life may be a prolonged nightmare,
but also it is a nightmare for those around them.

The Narcissist's Life,
a Prolonged Nightmare

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoUqM-_EEUY

@jobodley553
8 years ago
I told a narcissist I knew to go to hell and he said he was already there. I did not understand what he meant until now.


@2degucitas
10 years ago
I have no pity for their pain. I am a b*tch when it comes to narcissists. They don't get to take ONE MORE MINUTE of my life.


@ABCviewing1
7 years ago
When you spend enough time to truly feel the narcissist's reality, you will experience a devastating, grey, cemetery-like energy. You do not look around in the world and feel life forms, movements or exchanges with yourself. You are an alien in a world of moving things and you are a ghost. I felt this and it scared the living daylights from me. It made me feel that his "coping mechanisms" - abuse, were meaningless. It might seem ridiculous after we have been bashed at all angles but in reality the abuse does not mean anything but this dead person's way of trying to fight off this horrible grey death.

[tellomon]

Nightmares After Narcissistic Abuse : The Sad Reality

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JewNA5fC0jc

@sirrantsalott
1 year ago
I woke up from a literal nightmare of my mother berating me while I was busy in the bathroom. She barged in berating me over I have no idea what and she wouldn’t stop until I walked away.

She was so selfish and entitled about I have no idea what when I was asking her to give me privacy and let me finish my business. No she wouldn’t leave me alone. It was so frustrating. I’m no contact for 8 months and I feel like the 14 yr old kid she bullied I am an accomplished adult and the fear this woman instills in me is insane despite the reality is she has no physical hold of me. The psychological and emotional wound is so deep.

[tellomon]

5 Signs God is Showing You The Narcissist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdIiYz3iuYE&t=24s

How Demonic energy of the narcissist impacts you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqoFO4OJCUg&t=48s

5 Demonic Spirits Behind Narcissism
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYprZQ5wiFs&t=53s

NARCISSISTIC OR DEMONIC! "is this spiritual warfare?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H14pI6JF_qs

[tellomon]

This Is Why Chosen Ones
Are Alone -- No Friends And No Relationship

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq0eXghpwOM

@nenciopaniagua
9 days ago
This channel keeps freaking me out. I think of something and a few days later this channel publishes a video explaining why I feel that way or why I am the way I am. Thank you!

[tellomon]

The best thing you can do to a narcissist, whether you left on your own or were discarded is to give them your absolute silence and absence, become totally indifferent to their existence. They can only exist in your thoughts but never in your world. Consider yourself lucky if they have left you alone and focused their attention elsewhere.

They're horrible people.

This is What the NARCISSIST
NEVER THOUGHT
you would do that makes them
regret until they Die

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjrulUTIxNI

@brianbucher1313
13 days ago
Narcissists never regret anything...move on.


@BudMurphy-bt8hh
2 weeks ago
I don't even want to think of them let alone talk or see them.


@allans7281
1 day ago
One thing a narcissist can’t beat is your gut feeling- always go with it.

[tellomon]

4 Ways to TORTURE
The NARCISSIST

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-RQB9SHT3M&list=PL44JvcTO2zAWB8dWOd5S8CwOqz0YNe8G1

[tellomon]

When they’re nice, they’re still evil.
It’s important to remember that.
When The Narcissist is Nice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlSTHMtVeCo

@jennygreenwood1756
3 years ago
The only time they are nice is when they WANT something from you.


@mikeriolo7734
5 years ago
Their nice because they want something or are planning something and want to hit you when you least expect it.


@JESUSISGREATEST
3 years ago
When they are nice an ulterior motive is included.


@jacquelinemanzano9328
4 years ago
The SIN in sincere and the CON in confidence. A narcissist always has a motive.

[tellomon]

Things Narcissists Say
To You at Discard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GO8wVEqngk

@chriscole5990
1 year ago
The Devil masquerades as a Angel of light! Don't take back that Devil!


@spiritwarrior116
1 year ago
They project exactly what they are doing, it's like we are their mirror they talk to.


@ggphe
1 year ago
I had our baby girl..... she was a few months old when he told me I was unattractive,  boring and unsexy . I was recovering from a c section ..... he left me for other supply. I felt like I had been ran over by a freight train.  But by god I got back up and learned about this disorder.  I never let him back in.


@dovelove398
1 year ago
During the relationship I started to notice how I disliked the way I looked in pictures regardless of the occasion. I always saw deep emotional pain in my smile. When I ended the relationship I saw a major difference. I had no idea that a narc could destroy without you even knowing.


@cm9317
1 year ago
I think one of their favorites is to tell you that you're crazy when you start catching on. You're no use to them if you figured them out and so they have to discard you and make you feel like it's your fault.

[tellomon]

585 Replies
18800 Views

             

[tellomon]

What are the signs that
a narcissist is losing control?

Typically they’ll go into a narcissistic rage after losing control, as narcissists feel a need to be in control like no other. This may include either a passive-aggressive “sulking” period or an actual anger outburst, of which I’ve experienced both.

The passive-aggressive rage is one where anything you say is responded to with passive-aggressive comments. Ones I’ve commonly heard are “wow” or “whatever.”

Nothing seems overtly wrong on the surface, which is why these can be hard to place, but they can be just as hurtful. Another example I experienced was that one time I was holding the door open for my family and my father grabbed it from me, to which I took it back, saying, “I can do it myself.” He then said, “I didn’t say you couldn’t,” in an unnaturally rude tone of voice. Typically they will do actions and try to get you to react so that they regain control.

I recommend you do not do what I did in that situation if you yourself are dealing with a narcissist— the best thing to do is not show any response at all. Regardless, they will take small, calculated actions trying to get a rise out of you or go past your boundaries, since narcissists want to regain that sense of control over their supply.

The other type of rage is the one typically associated with this term— an anger outburst. Typically in these they will use all your actions against you, shift all blame onto the target, and they will not listen to anything you’re saying, even if it’s perfectly reasonable.

I experienced this while my family and I were at a restaurant, where he, all of a sudden said, “Why are you so angry at me?”— and proceeded to tell me all about how I’d screamed at him after he patted me on the head (which is untrue) among other lies. This continued for a period of time until we got back home and he looked me in the eyes and again said, “Why are you so angry at me?” This time I stayed silent and stared him right in the face, him saying, “What’s with that hateful glare?”
I said nothing.

Later I experienced another narcissistic rage where he continued to pester me about how I was so angry at him and played the victim saying, “I want a relationship with you again.” Eventually I had to just walk off and tell him to stop talking to me. Through this type of narcissistic rage the goal is to get a rise out of you in an attempt to make you the villain, and they will generally project their anger onto you.

If they’re angry, all of a sudden they get mad about how angry you are. If they succeed and get a reaction out of you, they will proceed until they gain back their supply by either provoking you or trying to “restore the relationship.”

Both good and bad attention work for a narcissist as supply— if good attention doesn’t work then they’ll go to the other kind.

Essentially through both of these the common theme is being angry at their loss of control and trying to regain control of their chosen supply by either blowing up in anger or using passive-aggression. Narcissists, again, despise lack of control, so they will do anything to gain it back.
_____________________________________

Narcissists operate on the “kind to be cruel" principle. They give a little (words, gestures, use of their genitals) in order to take a lot (your health, money, sanity).

As a narcissist loses grandiosity, they are unable to invest their narcissism into others, they are unwilling to infuse others with their magical thinking and intoxicating fantasy.

At this point their rage is dangerously close to the surface. They must up their passive aggression in order to project the rage into other people.

Dealing with a narcissist in this End Stage necessitates you keep your workload up, and remain productive. You may or may not lose your temper at them, as they are experts at incitement. If you do lose your temper, don't attempt to address their argument, which is nonsensical. The narcissist, as always. only wants to waste your precious time. Instead take the opportunity to hammer away at their character, the bigger, uglier picture.

Whatever you do, keep working - truth will out.
_____________________________________

Narcissists have an innate need to control everything around them so that they can continue to get narcissistic supply.

Narcissists have no inner sense of value. This is because of either a trauma that they endured as children or an over-indulgence provided to them by their caregivers. Since they cannot feel fulfilled, they try to get a sense of fulfillment through narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply is the only thing that will give them a sense of fulfillment and purpose; although they can never get enough from it.

They are on an endless search for anything that feeds their egos and will attempt to control anything or anyone around them to obtain this. Supply can come in the form of money, a prestigious job, the right house or spouse but often comes in the form of much darker things such as devaluing, debasing and treating others poorly. When a narcissist is feeling out of control and afraid of losing their supply or having their injury getting exposed, they will most likely act out in one of the below ways.

Narcissistic Rage

Every narcissist has what is called a narcissistic injury. This injury is what lives deep inside of them and tells them constantly that they are no good. In addition to going to any lengths to get narcissistic supply from people, places, and things, they will also put in the same effort to protect this narcissistic injury at all costs.

If a narcissist feels as if there is a possibility of their injury becoming exposed, their narcissistic rage will get triggered. Narcissistic rage is similar to that of a two year old throwing a tantrum because they are not getting what they want. This rage is one tell-tale sign that they have started to feel like they’re losing control.

Increased Devaluing Behaviors

Another way to gage whether or not a narcissist is starting to feel like they are losing control is through their devaluing behaviors. Although devaluing is something that is a part of every narcissistic relationship, devaluing behaviors get especially exacerbated when narcissists feel out of control.

As horrible as this might sound, if their devaluing behaviors are occurring more often or in a more intense way, they are probably feeling out of control. They are really good at reading you, especially if you’ve been with them for a very long time. They know your weaknesses and fear your strengths. Random and personal attacks towards you that they know will affect you are good signs of this as well.

Love Bombing (If Devaluing Behaviors Fail Them)

Once they have devalued you to try and gain control back, they may start to love bomb you again if they feel as if their efforts resulted in less than their expectations for having complete and total control. They will likely try to re-woo you with the same charisma that brought you into their life.

Don't fall for it.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-signs-that-a-narcissist-is-losing-control

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

"Not a bad idea......"

[tellomon]

 

[tellomon]

Why does a narcissist
have to be so mean?

They don't have to. They choose to be mean, because they enjoy the rush of their dominance and cruelty. Evil is a choice.

Experts tell us NPDs were trained from early childhood to become Narcissists, but fail to explain the fact that some abused children become empaths, others become Narcissist.

Unless we are hit by schizophrenia, we have free will. Narcissists use their free will to hurt others, because they love it.
_____________________________________

Why does a narcissist blow up all their relationships? Why are they so mean? Wouldn't it be easier to be nice, appreciate the people around them, and be loving and caring? Isn't that the easiest path?

No, not for them.

Their easiest path is to blow up all their relationships, cause drama for the sake of drama, and create chaos out of nothing.

Think about a narcissist like a con artist, a criminal, a scammer. If your identity has ever been stolen or your credit card hacked, you might wonder: Why does that scammer spend so much time sending phishing emails, making scam calls when they could just get a job as an IT manager and probably make more money legitimately? They don't do it because they don't want a conventional, long-lasting career. They get a thrill out of screwing people over. It's the same concept with a narcissist.

Most of the prison population has narcissistic tendencies. These people are programmed to screw you over. A narcissist is an empty shell of a human, with a perpetual sense of darkness and boredom inside them. When things get too stable, they get bored. They want to shake it up, ruin your life, discard you, abandon you, ghost you, yell at you, abuse you. It doesn't come naturally for a narcissist to be nice. They can do it for a short period during the love bombing phase, but it's fake.

For a healthy person, it's a completely foreign, weird concept that they can't just be nice. Being kind to others is the easiest thing in the world, so why can't they do it?

Because they have a personality disorder that gives them an overinflated ego, a gross sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy for others. All of this adds up to them only caring about themselves and not caring about how they impact you.

They want to scream and yell at you in the moment because they feel like it. They're never going to think about how that might impact them long-term and how it might impact you. There's no winning with these people, and there's no level they won't stoop to gain power and control over you. That's why the best thing is to get out and go no contact.
__________________________________________

Narcissists are mean and judgmental because they fear that everyone will see their flaws if they’re not. It’s all a strategy for them to remain “perfect”.

So basically if they talk down on you then it must mean that they are above you. If they say you are bad at something, they are implying that they are good at it. By remaining this way they keep the idea in their head that they are good at everything, make no mistakes, and is the best thing that has ever happened to the world.

Nobody can be on their level and by bringing others down they will kill your confidence to maintain on top and be the best of the best. Unfortunately.
__________________________________________

For one, it’s because they are unhappy with themselves. Narcissists know that they could never take the gaslighting and criticism/withholding that they dish out to their victims. Double standards are how they roll.

People who are at ease with themselves as the works in progress we all are and who have faith in love and kindness beyond their own works aren’t usually mean and vengeful people.

So, if a person knows good and well that they’re a narcissistic troll with negligible life/social/love skills, they’re not going to be kind and gracious people, by nature.

Narcissists are typically jealous, insecure and naturally pissed, as a general trait - it goes with their narc pathology. Real charmers, right?!

Also, it’s because narcissists don’t like to take accountability. It’s always someone else’s fault…the perpetual dog that ate their homework vibe.

Unless there’s a rare time when you’ve had enough, and they know they have to back off, that’s when narcs show a false kindness and sense of security like when they first met you and were never going to hurt you and you were the best thing to ever happen to them.

Their brief display of kindness is, for them, a reset so they can catch you off guard later…but as anyone who has gone back to a real narcissist knows - it doesn’t last long. Not even three hours or a full day or week, depending on how sick they are.

This is partly why narcs use the constant word salad/what-about-what-you-did? loop all the time, to throw blame and doubt on to you so that - in their twisted plan - you will just get exhausted, give up/in, and help them shine while you lose your spark that attracted them to you in the first place.

Narcs always want what they don’t have, right? This is the supply - the attention - they feed on, negative or positive. As long as you’re engaging them, they will never stop.

P.S. For all of the people who say that low-self esteem is why people get saddled with these kinds of people, think of all the people you know who were radiant and gorgeous before getting drained by a narcissist until they regenerate and bloom upon leaving such toxic people and situations.

Choose an emotionally/spiritually healthy partner or friend, not the broken toy who wants to break you too.

Avoid these types of people and move on - you will celebrate that you did! Just give it time. The pain of the breakup will hurt at first, but wounds heal, especially when you’re the one who refused to allow yourself to be abused, mentally or physically, anymore.

Staying and exposing yourself to serious consequences is far more tragic than leaving someone who does not deserve you. You can’t fix them, but you can allow yourself to heal. There are literally billions of loving people on this Earth to choose from who don’t want to hurt you or wreak havoc on your life and soul.

Best of abundance in love to all! Love is real.
__________________________________________

This is a real tough, yet easy question to answer. The problem is only you can determine if you are ready to hear what I am going to tell you.

The bottom line is the Narc needs to have someone they can abuse. Abusing another helps them feel better about themselves. It can be because of a damaged ego, a need for control or dominance, or straight up masochistic impulses. Usually there is an addiction involved: drugs, alcohol or sugar.

You seem like you are only just becoming aware, so just remember this:

IT IS NOT YOU, IT IS THEM!!

For any infinite number of reasons, They have a hole in them they cannot fill no matter how hard they try. When you first got together, they thought you filled that void. One day they realized you didn’t so they must punish you. Or discard you altogether.

IT IS NOT YOU, IT IS THEM!!

IT WILL ALWAYS BE THEM.

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-a-narcissist-have-to-be-so-mean

[tellomon]

The 3 Problems The Narcissist
Will Face After Your Discard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlc2w1ukeCg

@barnetthejosh
3 years ago
Break ups are hard until you realise you were holding onto an idea of who you thought someone was, and realise who they really were and are.


@vincecavedog3219
3 years ago
They will always hate themselves once we heal we win! Block, no contact, adios psychopath!!!


@jewelmathewson2997
1 year ago
They go find new supply before you're gone, but... the new supply is just the next ex.


@loulou9978
3 years ago
This Mrs A loves torturing the narcissist. Ignore them. No contact. They hate it and they can’t figure out how your world doesn’t revolve around them

[tellomon]

Do narcissists notice when
people start to avoid them?

Narcissists notice everything!

In my experience, narcissists minds work on completely different plain to neurotypical empathetic people. They are watching every situation, every movement, body language, eye contact, what mood you’re in, what level of vulnerability you’re at that day, your routine, even what time you open your curtains in the morning! Everything that they can use against you. They give a running commentary of your movements as a control tactic to let you know they are watching your behaviour.

If you begin to ignore and avoid, they will notice this and find new ways to manipulate. Usually the smear campaign will begin as they have lost control of you so the next stage is to control how others perceive you!

If you remain strong, no contact, no emotion, no response to any advance you will annoy the heck of your narcissist.

Good luck!
_____________________________________

I would say yes.

For a narcissist, their full time job is influencing people’s perceptions of them. They have people they need to measure up to, that the narcissist sees as of the same status as them. They have people that the narcissist needs to be better than, as they see this group as inferior to them.

They have people who have picked up on their games, that they need to prove wrong. Others, such as exes, that they need to hurt and do better than. Life is a constant upkeep & maintenance of how they are perceived. Because how they are perceived, is inwardly how they perceive themselves.

Narcissists like to figure people out. They have a giant web of lies that goes quite deep. A long string of cobweb that if you follow it along, it will lead you all the way back to their real self. The selfish & manipulative puppeteer pulling all the strings. Their way of feeling safe is being able to properly get a read on the people in their lives and being able to control them, or at the least, control people’s perceptions of them.

They want to keep you in that web. If they can’t, they want to at least leave you with a poisonous bite. At the very least, poisoning everyone in their lives perception of you.

When people start to avoid them, that means trouble for them. That means that their behavior, or someone else, is starting to poison the narcissist’s own web. People who they are supposed to be perfectly maintaining, are starting to realize the lies they are being told. They are starting to wake up from their hidden reality and take everything for what it is.

If one person starts avoiding them that isn’t that much of a ‘key player’ to the narcissist, they might be able to get away with it. However, if its anyone important & especially multiple people, the narcissist will definitely start to notice. Then it becomes a desperate attempt to remove the poison. If that is one person that is starting to make the narcissist look bad, they will have to go.

And they will have to look like an ass or a lunatic on their way out, to preserve the narcissist’s image. If that poison is really starting to spread, it’s a matter of gaslighting. Bringing everyone back to the narrative that the narcissist wants to create. Creating a fake reality of which the narcissist is safe within. If everyone and their mother is starting to avoid them, then they will likely move to a new area, social circle, etc.

Time to build a new web.
____________________________________

Narcissists can vary in their awareness of when people start to avoid them. Some narcissists may be highly attuned to social cues and notice when others begin to distance themselves. They may pick up on subtle signs of avoidance or withdrawal, such as not being invited to events or receiving less attention than usual.

On the other hand, some narcissists may be less perceptive of these cues due to their own self-centered focus and lack of empathy. They may dismiss or rationalize away signs of avoidance, attributing them to others' jealousy or incompetence rather than reflecting on their own behavior.

Overall, while narcissists may notice when people start to avoid them, their interpretation of these cues and their response to them can vary based on their individual traits and the severity of their narcissism.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-notice-when-people-start-to-avoid-them

[tellomon]

Why do covert narcissists
lie about the little things?

Covert narcissists, like other individuals with narcissistic traits, may lie about seemingly trivial or inconsequential matters for several reasons. Here are some possible explanations for why covert narcissists might engage in such behavior:

Control and Manipulation: Narcissists, including covert narcissists, often seek to control and manipulate others to maintain their sense of power and superiority. Lying about even minor details can be a way for them to assert control over a situation or person by shaping the narrative in a way that benefits them.

Image Management: Covert narcissists are typically very concerned with how they are perceived by others. They may lie about small things in order to present a more favorable image of themselves or to avoid potential embarrassment or criticism.

Avoiding Accountability: By lying about minor details, covert narcissists may be attempting to evade responsibility or accountability for their actions. They may use lies as a way to deflect blame onto others or to avoid facing consequences for their behavior.

Seeking Attention and Validation: Some covert narcissists lie about trivial matters as a way to garner attention and validation from others. By presenting themselves in a certain light or fabricating stories, they may be seeking admiration or sympathy from those around them.

Low Self-Esteem: Despite their outward appearance of confidence, covert narcissists often have deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Lying about insignificant things may be a way for them to bolster their fragile self-image or to compensate for their perceived shortcomings.

Pattern of Deception: For some covert narcissists, lying may become a habitual behavior that they engage in reflexively, rather than a calculated decision. Over time, this pattern of deception can become ingrained in their interactions with others.

It's important to note that not all individuals who lie about minor details are necessarily covert narcissists. Lying can be a complex behavior influenced by a variety of factors, including individual personality traits, past experiences, and situational circumstances.

If you are dealing with someone who consistently lies about small things and it is causing distress or disruption in your relationships, it may be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional or therapist.
____________________________________

They lie about “everything”. Big, small and not important at all. They lie when they have to and when they don't. It is pathological.

It is all about their arrogance and obsessive control about their narrative.They need-they have to control their version of reality-even though it is disillusioned.

This is why you get everything in text and email. It is then that you can best track, trace and uncover their many, many, many lies.

And remember, one of their passive favorites are the lies of ommission. They l-o-v-e to boast of the supposed good stuff but will leave out large details of who and how they trampled others to get there or who they were “actually” with and why. This is one of their very insidious tactics that will make you look and feel “off” because things don't add up and your questions will be ignored, taunted and looked upon as crazy. Seriously. Been there.

Confirm and verify. Actions over words. Do not trust them ever. In their worlds, they can only be the victim or hero.
__________________________________________

In the shadows they dwell, the covert narcissists, Crafting webs of deceit, their lies persist. But why do they weave such intricate tales, About the little things, where truth often fails?

Within their souls, a void unseen, An insatiable hunger, a desperate need. To control and manipulate, their ego's delight, They lie and deceive, hidden from sight.

The little things become their battleground, A web of falsehoods carefully wound. They twist and distort, with cunning and guile, In their quest for power, their egos they file.

The lies may seem small, insignificant, and mild, But they serve a purpose, for the narcissist's child. To gain control, to manipulate and sway, Their fragile ego, they seek to display.

They lie about the little things to assert dominance, To maintain their façade, their false pretense. For in the realm of lies, they feel secure, Masking their insecurities, their vulnerabilities obscure.

Their deceit knows no bounds, no moral restraint, In their twisted world, truth becomes quaint. They gaslight and deceive, with calculated precision, Leaving others in a state of confusion.

But remember, dear soul, their lies are not your fault, It's their own inner demons, their wounds left unsought. Their need for validation, for an egoic high, Leads them down a path where truth becomes a lie.

So, be aware of their games, their manipulative art, Don't let their lies tear your world apart. Seek the truth, embrace your own light, And in authenticity, you'll find your might.

For in the realm of honesty and grace, You'll rise above their deceit, at your own pace. Don't be ensnared by their web of lies, Embrace your truth, let your spirit rise.

Covert narcissists may lie about the little things, But you hold the power, the truth within your wings. Stay true to yourself, let your light shine bright, And their web of deception will crumble in sight.
__________________________________________

They are pathological liars. Everything they say is lies. Their entire life is built on nothing but a world of lies. They just love being deceptive. They enjoy even the littlest of lies because it tickles them to actually have something over on you. Unless it can be instantly verified, you really can’t believe anything that comes out of their mouths.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-covert-narcissists-lie-about-the-little-things

[tellomon]

How do you get a narcissist
to hear me?

Give up. In the narcissist’s mind there is a little voice that’s tuned in to no one else’s voice but his own. He hears only his own voice and your voice means nothing. It gives me no pleasure in telling you this but it’s what they do. This is what you’re letting yourself in for.

Good luck.
____________________________________

This has been one of the great questions of my lifetime. And I have tried more than I should have. Except I had no idea what a Narcissist was, how they manipulate, or that they need people to feed on.

All my efforts to help them see my perspective was only feeding their ego, and their arguments were nothing but mind games, making me even more confused. I suppose I kept trying to talk sense to them to prove to myself that I did all I could, or that they truly were unbending.

It started with my mother. As an adult I saw her pattern of control and manipulation over me, and worked to get out of it while preserving the relationship. I spent many years and tears trying to explain “this is what makes me shut down” or “you're doing it right now” convinced that with the right set of words, she would see, and we could live in harmony.

Fast forward to my pastor and his wife, with whom I was very close in my 20’s and 30’s, some deeply-loved immediate family members, and a cherished best friend who was the most subtle of them all. I have used up so many words on these loved ones I'm surprised I have any left.

Suffice to say that it worked exactly NONE times.

If you must try to get clarity with them- go ahead. Sometimes we have to try- even just to clarify for ourselves if they actually are a real narcissist.

But just know that if they are in fact afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, every word you speak will be turned around on you. Every accusation you send them will come to you in dagger form and will most likely do some (hopefully temporary) psychological damage because they know just where to hit you.

Two of their most effective tactics are: accusing you of the very same thing you know to be true about them, and accusing you of the very last thing you would want to be true about you. Hitting below the belt is their favorite move.

If you decide to confront them, be SURE you have a trusted friend or counselor that your narc has no contact with or influence over. Best if they don't even know your confidant exists. The reason is that narcissists love to indulge in smear campaigns to separate you from your loved ones, or ruin your reputation. And they're good at it.

But having this confidant is so important for your emotional and mental stability while you're trying to work it out with a narc.

When you're done, I will bet you'll be able to answer this question for another kind soul.

Most likely your answer will be, “You can't “.

My heart goes out to you my dear.

P.S. This story has a bit of a happy ending. During the very last year of her life, after my Daddy died, my mother softened a lot. She had lost her domestic kingdom, and she desperately needed me.

She began to listen to my gentle words about her habits, to work to see when she was slipping into control mode, and she would back up. It was amazing.

We had a very pleasant year. I was with her on her death bed, feeding her, listening to the familiar stories, enjoying the time we had left. God did that. And I am forever grateful.
_________________________________________

I literally made a “pfft.... Ha!" sound as soon as I read this. Yea, good luck with making a narcissist hear you.

It's possible but you almost have to traumatize them in order for them listen.

Example: (that WON'T work)

“Stop, you're hurting my feelings! “

Example: (that WILL work)

“I'm not dealing with your bullshit temper tantrum.. Bye! “(and leave) *they fear rejection & abandonment, so this will work.*

The problem is that once they see you're not a “functioning appliance” anymore, they will continue devaluation (possibly include violence) & then ultimately discard you once their new primary source is embedded anyway.

So you're dammed if you do, dammed if you don't. So just leave & let them go waste someone else's life. You though, you go be happy.
_____________________________________

Communicating with a narcissist can be challenging due to their tendency to prioritize their own needs and perspectives above others. However, there are some strategies you can consider to potentially improve communication with a narcissist and encourage them to hear you:

Be Clear and Direct: When communicating with a narcissist, be clear and direct in your communication. Avoid vague or ambiguous language that could be misinterpreted. Clearly express your thoughts, feelings, and needs.

Use "I" Statements: Frame your communication using "I" statements to express your feelings and perspective without sounding accusatory. For example, say "I feel upset when..." instead of "You always make me feel..."

Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries regarding what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Be firm in enforcing these boundaries and communicate them clearly to the narcissist.

Validate Their Feelings: While it's important to express your own feelings and needs, acknowledging the narcissist's feelings can also be helpful in gaining their attention and cooperation.

Choose the Right Time: Pick the right time to communicate with the narcissist when they are more likely to be receptive. Avoid approaching them when they are already agitated or preoccupied.

Avoid Appealing to Empathy: Narcissists often struggle with empathy, so appealing to their empathy may not be effective. Instead, focus on presenting your thoughts and feelings clearly.

Seek Professional Help: If the relationship with the narcissist is causing significant distress, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance on how to navigate the relationship effectively.

It's important to remember that changing a narcissist's behavior can be challenging, and it may not always be possible to get them to truly hear and understand you. In some cases, managing expectations and setting boundaries to protect yourself may be necessary for your well-being.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-get-a-narcissist-to-hear-me

[tellomon]

What is the most difficult thing
to grasp about narcissism,
even after researching extensively about it?

The most difficult thing for me to grasp about narcissism after all I have learned is that everything they do, everything they build up to, and every hoop they jump through is all just for the discard.

Think about how many times they will build you up to tear you down, but then grovel to you afterwards to the point that they will do anything if only you’ll talk to them for a minute.

Or what about when they go to trouble of finding all of your friends on your phone or social media, researching and checking out such people as well as analysing what you say about them when you talk to figure out how they can use them later.

Then pursuing these friends, manipulating them, and finally turning them against you only to make all of this hard work that is also time consuming totally pointless and redundant with the discard of everyone involved. And to think that is the whole point of what the narcissist does is such as waste of time.

I know they get your money, time, energy and attention along the way, but they are putting in what is often a lifetime of effort (that’s time they cannot get back) into people they always only intend to abandon.

I will never be able to grasp the sheer amount of wasted time and energy that the narcissist burns through just to use and abandon everyone they meet, its mystifying.
___________________________________________

That the person who you came to love and trust, isn’t who you thought they were.

That everything who they claimed to be, they lied about, just to manipulate you.

That under their mask of being charming, confident, engaging, fun, loving, and attentive, they are actually insecure, mean, deceitful, controlling, abusive, and unfaithful.

That no matter how good of a person you were to them, or how much you did for them, none of it mattered.

That no matter how much you tried to love them and care for them, they never appreciated or reciprocated anything back.

That no matter how committed, sacrificing and loyal you were to them, they still cheated anyways.

That no matter how much you prioritize them, they will always treat you like an option.

That no matter how much you tried to help change them, you couldn’t, and they won’t change, even if they made a million promises to say otherwise.

The hardest part is acceptance, and coming to terms with the fact, that the person you adore the most is actually very disordered and doesn’t care about you, love you, or respect you.
_____________________________________

I tell you what it is.

You're in the bed, late at night. You’re awake. She’s sleeping, in her shirt and hugging the plush that you stole for her years ago. It’s a giant cat. She loves cats.

And you’re there, awake, looking at her. She is beautiful and so innocent now. Maybe she will sleep all the night, she took a sleeping pill. No nightmares tonight, maybe.
Your hand is on her hip. You’re looking at her and you’re thinking that yes, in a couple of days will be over. You took the decision. You can’t stand this anymore.

Your mind goes back to the first 2 years, AKA the love bombing stage. How beautiful and funny it was - if you decide to ignore the red flags.

Then it comes to your mind: how can you explain the color red to a man blind from his birth? How can you describe a sunset to him?

This was the most difficult thing to grasp, until you realize that she’s blind.

How can you explain love to a Narcissist?
How can you explain concepts like right or wrong to a Narcissist?
How can you explain empathy to a Narcissist?

If you want to heal you have to grasp strongly to this idea:

They don’t get it. They don’t have those concepts formed in their mind.

You keep looking at her. It’s over. Just a couple of days before you’ll tell to her and you know you will miss her like crazy. And yes, you cry.

You cry because you realize that you and her have a huge gap, impossible to fill.

I did the same mistake that many people here on Quora did: paint NPDs as “evil”.
I completely disagree with this vision now. For being evil, you need to have the right/wrong - good/bad concepts fully developed in your mind.
NPD and ASPD don’t have those concept formed. Their emotional development stopped at a very young age.

Does a 4 years old kid know that kicking the house cat is bad? Does he know that if mom is tired after work it’s not the right moment to throw a tantrum?
Of course he doesn’t. He will learn, eventually. Trial and errors.

It’s YOU, in their eyes, trying to make them feel bad.
They are not getting it.

They don’t get it. Those concepts are completely focused on them. Morals are relative to them, not to other people.

In a school bus there’s a boy with Down syndrome. Another guy approaches to him and says “you’re not normal, dude”. The Down boy stares at him for a couple of seconds and his answer is “YOU are not normal!"

See the point? On the Down Boy perspective, he is NORMAL. It’s the OTHER boy not normal.

Now you see why they consider you weak for your unconditional love, for your boundaries and life principles.

Now you see why they stared blankly at you when you were trying to make them understand why their behavior made you suffer.

In their eyes, YOU are NOT normal. You were trying to explain the color red  to a blind man.

If you never saw red, you don’t understand red.

And really: how can you pretend to have an adult conversation with a 30 years old university teacher that:

Suddenly leaves a bar and disappears on the street because in her mind you, talking with a girl friend, were planning a cheating;

Throw a tantrum in a restaurant, becomes aggressive towards customers;

Get drunk and try to enter in a temple, falling and smashing her face;

No patience at all;

Does whatever she want whenever she wants not caring for consequences at all;

Change the reality of events;

Never take responsibility for anything;

Destroy you with countless episodes on jealousy;

Impossible to make plans with;

Verbal abuse you and the next day she is lovely;

Double standards for everything;

Etc. etc........

See my point? How can you pretend that someone with this behavior could understand a word about abstract concepts like empathy, love, responsibility, morals?

Once you grasp it, you see things in a complete different way.

Dysfunctional, disordered people see themselves as NORMAL. We are the one DIFFERENT.

THEY CAN’T GRASP US.

But we have the maturity to grasp them.
This doesn’t mean “we have to love them unconditionally”, but the exact opposite.
We have to KNOW with whom we are dealing.

And finally, you understand why it couldn’t work with that beautiful, smart, creative, exciting creature sleeping in your bed.

You kiss her forehead, whisper a goodbye, and start planning your new life.

SIDE NOTES

I moved on. That’s why I write what I write.
I’m not “an empath that romanticizes NPDs because he can’t move on”. I try to be objective. I don’t like the association between NPD and EVIL.
Personality disorders are not EVIL.
No, I won’t go back to her. She already tried to hoover me, I just said nope.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-most-difficult-thing-to-grasp-about-narcissism-even-after-researching-extensively-about-it

[tellomon]

Do narcissists pick and choose
their victims, or do they destroy
everyone in their life?

Narcissist don't abuse everyone. They are actually very nice to some people, polite, and helpful.

That's why when problems arise, people do not believe the victim. This causes the victim to doubt themselves and start to internalize the abuse.

However it’s better that you should focus more on your healing, the endless search of all these WHYs can become the biggest barrier for moving on .

Since you've been broken up with, you're grappling with the very real pain of rejection on top of mourning the loss of love and that's why you are feeling more broken and questioning this situation.

Remember there is nothing logical in narcissistic abuse and there is also no fix pattern . So it’s better that you move beyond energies and situations that are no longer helpful to you. Make space for growth. You have the ability to use your thoughts and actions to bring life fulfilling opportunities without involving narcissist any more!
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Narcs are attracted to the empaths of the world because we are easy targets for them to exploit because of our inner goodness.

We’re like pawns in a chess game—with them lording all the power to manipulate us into doing their bidding. Once you have been sucked dry and are left a shell of your former self, you effectively are broken inside. That’s why going NO CONTACT is the only way to move forward toward healing and self-preservation.

Don’t look back, that’s not where you’re heading. When tempted to look back and try to make sense, realize narcs don’t think the same way humans do—so don’t look for logic. They don’t feel empathy, therefore any “love” you presumed they had for you never existed.

Lastly, there is nothing anyone can do to change a narcissist. They are un-fixable. It’s the fools of the world who ever think otherwise. Remember Charlie Brown with Lucy and the football? Every time she’d promise not to pull it away, and every time Charlie fell for it.

That’s life with a narcissist. In order for you to heal, you need to first learn everything you can on the subject. That will quickly clear away the “crazy” because narcs all act the same—they’re essentially walking cliches of one another.

Next, you need to forgive yourself for ever allowing the abuse, never mind letting it continue for so long. Then, once hyper vigilant to keep these soul suckers out of your life, you will raise the bar to invite BETTER people in your life, like yourself, who will give and enrich, rather than exhaust and take away. Have faith.
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No they do not.

They are disordered, therefore same sh!t, different person.

It’s quite simple. They assume for life that we will be so broken and brainwashed that we will never open our mouth and never not behave; remain compliant.

They have it down, except we do catch on .. some much faster than others.

It’s the same sh!t

We are servants and they control. Once we take our power back, we are no longer feeding them what they need.

If you loved Italian food and meat and steak and I started only feeding you tofu … you would be done with my cooking eventually.
____________________________________

Narcissistic only destroy their significant other or their children. Narks go places that are a good hunting ground to meet the opposite sex. If you talk to them or smile at them, they will chase you. However they are a good judge of character and they recognize other bossy people and stay away from them.

They like empathetic people and co-dependants. They rush the romance so they don't get time to get the full picture of them. They love bomb and mirror you at the start of the relationship, then they start giving insults to you if you complain; they give you the silent treatment.

Then they come back and say they didn't mean to insult you and start the whole process  over again. This intermittent "Nice-Nasty" gives you a trauma bond. And also they try to make you jealous by flirting with other women. You can't get any clarity until you go no contact, and get over the trauma bond.

They do the same thing to everyone. I think they do so they can get power and control over you and make you their servant. After they are King or Queen and in their mind they deserve a servant.
____________________________________

In a narcissist’s thought process there are 3 types of people:
Co-Narcs, Flying Monkeys (the self-inflicted blind and lost that follow the Narc),
and Good People.

In short, they prey on good people because they hate themselves.

You’re questioning the essence of his humanity. The answer is NO. Narcissists don’t understand what it is to be a human, simply put. They have deep deep problems that I’m convinced stretch beyond a lifetime.

They prey on and bait the victim with tokens of kindness and acts of generosity. Then they use and use to fill a bottomless empty void that they can never fill. Unless you turn into a flying monkey that they can use to promote a superficial lifestyle to the world, you’ll end up exposing them and leave or forcing them to leave to find another victim.

The best thing that has happen to you is they are gone.
Block their number, social media, cutoff friends of Narc, and make a clean split.
Do not inquire, call a year later, have open relations, look at their social media, wonder where or what they’re doing.
Who cares?

Anyone ask about them? Your response: “Who cares?”.
Take the time to get over the pain and set up healthy boundaries. Now is the time to scan your surroundings for other narcs. Distance yourself immediately and get rid of them.

Life will immediately start to become better exponentially.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-pick-and-choose-their-victims-or-do-they-destroy-everyone-in-their-life-Why-did-he-do-this-to-me-I-dont-understand-why-Im-still-questioning-this-situation-I-feel-broken

[tellomon]

 

[tellomon]

Has a relationship with a narcissist ever worked out?

You can't maintain a relationship with narcissists.

Narcissists don't have the empathy, remorse, love, understanding, honesty, loyalty, and caring nature to make relationships proper. Narcissists take you as a competitor; the main goal of narcissists is to put you down by proving themselves better and superior to you. Narcissists hate you to the core; they want to destroy your life emotionally and mentally.

Narcissists don't support you in relationships; they stand against you. Narcissists will go against your needs by putting their needs ahead of yours. Don't expect anything positive from narcissists.

Having control, authority, and power over you in every situation is the main goal for narcissists. You have to leave narcissists to make your life better.

Although many people have stayed with narcissists for ages, that doesn't mean a relationship or marriage is healthy.

Narcissists can't maintain healthy relationships with anyone.
___________________________________

Yes, some relationships with narcissists have worked out, but they are rare and often come with significant challenges.

Understanding the dynamics involved can help you see why these relationships are so difficult and what it takes for them to succeed. Here are some key points to consider:

Understanding Narcissism

Definition: Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental condition characterized by an inflated sense of importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.

Behavior Patterns: Narcissists often exhibit manipulative behavior, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of consideration for others' feelings.
Challenges in Relationships with Narcissists

Lack of Empathy: Narcissists typically struggle to understand and respond to their partner's emotional needs, leading to feelings of neglect and frustration.

Control and Manipulation: They may use tactics like gaslighting, guilt-tripping, or constant criticism to maintain control over the relationship.

Emotional Drain: The non-narcissistic partner often ends up emotionally exhausted, trying to meet the narcissist's needs while neglecting their own.
Factors That Can Make It Work

Therapy and Counseling: Both partners engaging in therapy can help, especially if the narcissist is willing to acknowledge their behavior and work on it. This is rare but not impossible
.
Strong Boundaries: The non-narcissistic partner must set firm boundaries to protect their emotional well-being. This includes being clear about what behavior is unacceptable and sticking to those limits.

Self-Care: The non-narcissistic partner needs to prioritize their own mental health and well-being, often through support groups, individual therapy, and maintaining a strong social support network.

Realistic Expectations: Understanding that change is slow and that the relationship will never be entirely balanced can help the non-narcissistic partner cope better.

Examples

Success Story: There are cases where couples have successfully managed a relationship with a narcissist by both partners undergoing extensive therapy. The narcissistic partner learns to manage their behaviors, and the non-narcissistic partner learns coping strategies.

Common Outcome: More often, relationships with narcissists end when the non-narcissistic partner reaches a point where they can no longer tolerate the emotional strain.

https://getoverthenarcissist.quora.com/Has-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist-ever-worked-out