Tales From The Narc Side

[tellomon]

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[tellomon]

[tellomon]

What happens to the partner of a narcissist when the narcissist dies?

Ron Culley
Saturday
Personally speaking….when that b!tch dies, I’m gonna PARTY like it’s 1980. I will also be expecting a call from Hell, saying “We don’t want her”.
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I felt relieved, as though all the pressure was gone. My tightly wound rubber band began the long slow arduous task of unwinding. I didn’t / couldn’t cry for about a year. Then, when the tears finally started - I couldn’t get them to stop. He died in my arms, and it was very traumatic for me- sent me into severe PTSD. I devoted 38 years of my life to that lyin', cheatin', scheamin', cold-blooded, good for nothing heartless b*stard.
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All the time that you allow the narcissists around you, you are slowly dying inside every part of your being. It will take a lot to ever, if it can be done, get past all the damage they had done and to move forward. Seek counseling. Don't look for companionship because you are not well. And you're at risk for allowing another narcissist in your life. Just find your Center, love yourself again and be happy.

https://www.quora.com/What-happens-to-the-partner-of-a-narcissist-when-the-narcissist-dies

[tellomon]

Can narcissists sense that
you have changed?

Omg! Holy Sh!t... YES!!!

I can’t explain it. I need to research this dynamic. But, Trust me!!! It’s happened again & again in my lived experience…

The minute they sense I’ve raised the bar…they are long gone.

No discussion.

No debate.

Just long gone!!!

When they sense a bar raised past a certain point they are gone faster than the Roadrunner. (In those old Cartoons!)
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Definitely.

They are super vigilant, always checking that you are continuing to be a compliant target. An obedient supply.

When that changes for whatever reason, they will increase their pressure by use of a wide variety of tactics or simply dump you for another target who has probably already been lined up.
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Yes.

They are very sensitive to changes in your behavior.

They can’t be empathy molesters and perception fondlers, without understanding your psychology.

What they will confidently try with a victim who still tries to love them, is not what they will try with you or I.

They don’t want to get their mask smashed, and their victim card laughed out the door.
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Absolutely from a 1000 miles, across countries, across continents, across multiple years of no contact.

Once narc sense that they cannot manipulate, gaslight, control or blackmail you, be prepared to be abandoned without notice. Stone walling, grey rocking, no contact, everything you can imagine, narcs will go to any extent to deny you closure.

You become enemy number one once you stop being their supply.

Be ready to face the worst smear campaign of your life right after.

Oh yes, DISCARD is not out of the realm of possibilities.
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Even from a thousand miles away, across countries, or after years of no contact, narcissists will still sense when they can't manipulate, control, or gaslight you anymore. When that happens, be prepared for them to suddenly abandon you without any notice. They’ll use tactics like stonewalling, grey rocking, and going no contact—basically anything to avoid giving you closure.

Once you stop being their source of supply, you become their number one enemy.

Get ready for the worst smear campaign of your life right after this. They'll push all your buttons to try and make you react. But now that you refuse to play their game and won’t give them any attention, they’ll definitely notice.

You're depriving them of the attention they crave, even though they're trying hard to get it.
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Absolutely.

However, they always think your changing is because you have changed, they will never think it has anything to do with them or their abusive treatment of you.

They will never acknowledge that it was their behavior that caused you to question their behavior and why you are changing.

It's these changes that cause their devaluation of you. They sense everything, but suspect you are cheating or lying. Downhill from there.

https://www.quora.com/Can-narcissists-sense-that-you-have-changed

[tellomon]

How can I handle a
Smear Campaign?

Nothing. Let it be. Anyone who is truly a trustworthy person and knows you wont buy it. The others? F them, you don't need them. If the smear campaign affects your job start looking for a new one. You can not stop the smear campaign and you shouldnt you will only enter into the narcs twisted game, waste more energy and time for nothing.
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You cannot. You just be the best person you can be, calm and collected, honorable and ethical. That will show through in the end to the people who matter. The people who don’t get it don’t matter.
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The narcissist smears you in the hopes of destroying you, in the hopes of getting you to uselessly engage with them. They will drain your attention and use what you say against you.

Here's what you do:

Be brave

Be a big boy, a big girl

Turn around

Go away

Get some work done

Don't be a lazy narcissist —

that position is already taken.
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You counter with silence.

Do not attempt to defend yourself, explain, clear up. Do not give in to temptation. Those that know you will know it is a smear campaign and those that do not will either dismiss it or believe it, but it is not your problem at that point.

Consider this a gift…a filter, a colander, if you will, that will leave you with the knowledge of who you can consider to be true and loyal friends.

Counter with silence. I promise it is the only counter worth making.

Be well and good luck.
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If I was you I would care less.

Why?

Because anyone who takes the narcissists side deserves them as their friend.

They can have it.

The narcissist has done you a favor by the smear campaign.

How?

It weeds out the chaff.

It gets rid of fake friends and family who were also toxic.

Rejoice in your new found freedom from toxic waste.

Hello people who actually have TASTE in friends and your real family.
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The Narcissist starts a Smear Campaign after discard sometimes because they want to make you look crazy and they had a good reason to let you go. They say all kinds of lying bullshit about you to anyone that will listen so that when the truth comes out about them, your story will have no validity.

They will protect their secret life at all costs. Make new friends that don't even know your Narc. You have been mentally and psychologically abused and your self-esteem is already gone. So go NO Contact. Block the Narcissist on your phone and Social media. Escape the madness and now is the perfect time to do so. If the Narcissist reaches out to you, don't respond in any way.

They just want to see if they can still control you. You are nothing to them anymore except possible Supply if you go back to the relationship from hell. Let them have their little Smear Campaign. You stick it to them. Go NO Contact which a Narcissist hates. Save yourself. It is a lot of hard work to pull yourself back together. Make sure that you have a good support system of family and friends that care about and love you.

You have done nothing wrong. The Narcissists is the twisted one and they never, ever change. So don't wait around. Good luck.
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From my personal experience, if you react to the smear campaign, it will just get worse. If you don't react to it, then it will die out naturally. Kind of like a fire: if you keep feeding it with logs, it grows bigger. But if you stop feeding it, without adding logs to it, the fire naturally extinguishes itself.

People are going to think what they want and react accordingly. The best thing to do, is to let them do them, and you keep being you, regardless. It shouldn't change how you act, think, speak, or behave. Don't let it affect you. See it as water off a duck’s back, and let it just roll off. They may be very jealous of you, or scared of you and that’s why they are doing it in the first place. Let them and keep living your life. The right people won't fall for their lies and drama, and will see the real you.

Think of it as a blessing because they may be committed to misunderstanding you or believing the lies about you and are weak and not trustworthy and weren’t for you to begin with. There are others that are actually for you. Don't let the fake ones ruin that for you. Real ones are out there. Hang in there. It gets better. Let their fiery lies extinguish themselves.

Narcissists expose themselves more than the people they hurt. It always catches up to them and overtakes them. They never get away from the consequences of it. Don't sweat it. They are cowards and the people that believe their lies are fake and cowards too. There’s still real people with integrity in the world. Hang in there, it gets better. Hope this helps.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-handle-a-smear-campaign-What-to-do-when-the-narcissists-are-controlling-the-way-people-view-you-What-to-do-when-the-new-people-in-your-life-dont-even-want-to-give-you-a-chance-to-get-to-know-you-for

[tellomon]

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgkxidzzFOMROxKONixQEX9fKxIcbdIfZZF9

@1stBorn538
16 hours ago (edited)
Even if you remind them of their self centeredness, they act surprised or irritated because you're paying attention and called them out about it. They expect all bad behavior to be unseen and ignored


@Clevelandsteamer324
19 hours ago
Meta cognition is not their strong suit. They won’t change their ways as long as they are winning with their tactics.


@nryane
5 hours ago (edited)
I accept that these people are who they are, and stay away from them. I give them no attention, once I see who they are.
I used to believe that I was the egocentric one. Not any more.


@Chatndiva
16 hours ago
As much as I research and try to, I just can't wrap my brain around this.
I wish there was some kind of comparison or something to help make it click


@BermudaGrass
14 hours ago
I’m currently trying my hardest to remind myself the narcissist I am stuck with should not be sought after for support while I am su!c!dal because she thinks I’m just trying to manipulate her with “threats.” She wants to be right about all things so bad that she refuses to accept I’m being narcissistically gangstalked by her city here in Lawrence, KS to the point that some policeman are in on it.

Even after I have gathered logically inarguable evidence about it (like the same cop showing up whenever we call) she refuses to admit it, all because she’d have to be wrong about something. I even tried explaining to her that True Crime is entitled that way because it’s real…it’s actually true crime. Her response? Lowering her head in shame, clearly showing she was overcome that she wasn’t “smart enough” to put that together. She has no ability to connect to the fact I was asking for her to support me, because her brain is blocked with self-hatred.


@camelotenglishtuition6394
16 hours ago
Prior to the narc relationship, i was very empathetic. I do feel way less so and very negative (in my thinking). I'm 11 weeks out of the relationship and my emotions are very painful. Is there a way to help "go back " so to speak to being an empathetic person again or is it just going to take time ?

[tellomon]

Is the truth a narcissist's kryptonite?

Truth makes narcissists weak, vulnerable, and scared. Narcissists don't want anyone to view them negatively. For narcissists, their image and reputation are everything. Another problem is that narcissists can't cope with shame when they face the truth. Narcissists always take the help of lies to look good.

Without lies, narcissists can't achieve anything. Narcissists need lies to survive. Narcissists know if people come to know the truth about them, then narcissists won't get narcissistic supply and they will be left alone. Narcissists don't like people speaking truth about them; narcissists don't like speaking truth about them, and narcissist don't like truth-speaking people.

Truth destroys the ego and reality of narcissists. Truth destroys the fake fantasy of narcissists. When you bombard narcissists with truth, it acts like acid on narcissists.

Lies are the identity of narcissists; truth makes them terrified.
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No as they will never see the truth - they create their own truth. Indifference from others and lack of supply is the Kryptonite for narcissists. Ignore them.

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/Is-the-truth-a-narcissists-kryptonite

[tellomon]

What are some narcissistic triggers?

Criticism or rejection: Narcissists have low self-esteem, so any criticism or rejection, even if it's just perceived, can triggers them.

Lack of attention or praise: Narcissists crave attention and praise, so not getting it can make them angry, frustrated, or jealous.

Threats to their sense of being better than others: Narcissists believe they are superior to others, so anything that challenges this belief can triggers them.

Boundaries or limits set by others: Narcissists have trouble accepting when others set boundaries or limits, and this can make them feel their control is threatened.

Feeling powerless or helpless: Narcissists need to be in control, so situations where they feel powerless or helpless can be upsetting.

Competition or comparison to others: Narcissists want to be the best, so being outperformed or compared unfavorably to others can trigger them.

Betrayal or abandonment: Narcissists have trouble trusting others, so feeling betrayed or abandoned can be very upsetting for them.
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Calling them out on their lies

Nothing will trigger them more than this! They do not expect to be caught or for you to have the strength to call them out and they can and will explode when it happens.

Criticism

Doesn’t matter if it’s constructive they do not have the ability to see it that way. You can go from being a friend to an enemy in a split second if that happens.

Losing

Doesn’t matter whether it’s Monopoly, cards or life itself, they are highly competitive by nature and simply cannot handle losing to you or anyone.

New found boundaries

Have you developed boundaries you didn’t have before? That’s not going to be welcomed at all! In fact if you act in any way inconsistent to what they know of you it won’t go down well. To be a good supply you must be predictable to them.

Exposure

Similar to calling them out but doing so in public. They explode if you do anything to ruin the image they fight so hard to project\protect.

Someone else’s success\happiness.

This is especially the case for their exe’s, how dare they be happy without them!

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-narcissistitc-triggers

[tellomon]

Are narcissists mentally tough?

Not even a little bit. The opposite is entirely true. They are mentally weak to an extreme degree. The cluster of destructive behavior that we call narcissism is the result of intense personal mental destruction and breakdown. It’s the result of the failure to develop any personal integrity. This cluster of behavior is the direct result of mental weakness but the fact that people look at narcissistic behavior and wonder if there’s mental strength there is a good indicator that the manipulation is working.

Mentally strong people don’t need to manipulate and degrade others to get ahead. Mentally strong people don’t see a competition with everyone else, they’re not threatened by others. They don’t see a need to win this race or competition that’s totally fake and so they don’t need to step on others to get ahead.

Mentally strong people don’t sniff out vulnerable people and exploit them. Mentally strong people exercise respect and compassion for everyone.

Mentally strong people aren’t cruel. Mentally strong people are patient, kind and compassionate.

Mentally strong people don’t need to diminish other people to make themselves look better. Mentally strong people look for the good in others.

Mentally strong people don’t have anger meltdowns and childish temper tantrums. Mentally strong people are composed and rational.

Mentally strong people don’t try to control others, they don’t need to, they have no use for it. Mentally weak people feel the need to try and control others because they personally lack control.

I say all the time that crazy has become the new sane and sane is the new crazy. Society has been flipped upside down. Mental freedom has become something to be afraid of, lies and doublespeak have become truths and the weak abusive ways of the narcissists are seen as strengths.
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Not from what I have witnessed. Adding to this, Quorans who are self-aware narcissists have stated that conditions like anxiety and depression are common among people with NPD.

There is certainly a mask of “mental toughness” narcissists will wear, but it goes hand in hand with the mask of self-confidence. If you act like you have extremely high self-esteem but don’t have high self-esteem, it probably becomes exhausting.

In short, living with NPD is not an enjoyable experience.
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Absolutely not. Narcissists are not mentally strong people. Narcissists are weak and needy people who can't survive without using people. Narcissists are parasitic in nature; they need to feed on people's emotions, energy, and other things to regulate their self-esteem.

When narcissists don't get what they want, they'll throw tantrums to get their needs met. It's easy to hurt narcissists because they are very sensitive to their own feelings and have a fragile ego. Narcissists main agenda is to use and abuse people to look powerful. Narcissists also suffer from other mental conditions. Narcissists are so weak that they can't resist the temptation to cheat or control their other needs.

Mentally strong people don't need other people to survive. Mentally strong people are able to control their needs.

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/Are-narcissists-mentally-tough

[tellomon]

[tellomon]

Are narcissists evil,
or are they sick?

Narcissists are disordered people exhibiting sick behavior. Narcissists are evil in human disguise. Narcissists come into relationships only to use and abuse you. If you see, narcissists don't contribute anything positive in your life; whatever they do is negative. If narcissists do something positive, then they have hidden motives behind it.

You love narcissists deeply; you do everything for narcissists; you sacrifice your needs, choices, and decisions; what you get in return is abuse and blame. You have no answers for their horrible behavior.

You compare narcissists with evil; they both have the same motives: abusing and taking everything from you.

Anything good a narcissist does for you comes with a price. Narcissists are takers, users, and abusers. Narcissists not only cause problems in your life; they cause problems in every profession and every field. Getting rid of narcissists is a blessing in disguise.
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Yes they are. They knowingly cause grief and bad times for people, just so they can feel good about themselves. If you have ever seen that evil smirk when they do something horrible, then you would know that there is an evil person behind those eyes.
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Yes.

What makes them evil, and the most unsavoury narcissists you could EVER meet is they come across ‘normal’ - a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a Jekyll and Hyde personality that they desperately conceal till they’re comfortable they have your affections.

Sadism, both sexual and psychological, really gets them off - in fact, it’s the only thing that gets them turned on - inflicting any type of pain. Sex is a weapon to MNs, used to manipulate and control.

And when they can’t inflict pain on you physically, they will find a way to covertly chip away at your self-esteem and relish you losing your light, joy and confidence.

Because they have no personal boundaries nothing, and I mean nothing, is off-limits.

Taking advantage of drunk women, incest, leering at pre-pubescent girls, etc, there is no act too heinous or barbaric that they wouldn’t do. No conscience or moral compass allows them to act without thought or consideration for others.

Cold-blooded and sub-human is really what they are: evil in a human form.

Hence, why the multiple masks, charming persona, mirroring, and pity-playing symphonies are employed - to disarm empaths especially those who are generous, loyal and forgiving.

How else can they ‘learn’ these attractive qualities in humans?

And the sadistic glee in their eyes when they are ‘winning’, i.e you’re suffering…that is pure evil.

https://murkywatersnarcissist.quora.com/Are-narcissists-evil-or-are-they-sick-1

[tellomon]

The moment you figure out you were with a covert narcissist and it’s not your fault , it is only the beginning, you have to learn about narcissism and grieve the person you thought they were and figure out how to rebuild your life.

There are so many moments you ask yourself is this real? Am I wrong ? Am I ? Are they ? This isn’t what you ever thought a relationship would ever look like and even horror movies have more rhyme and reason than narcissistic relationships.

Give yourself the time you need to grieve, ruminate and learn about narcissistic abuse. Keep healing survivors.

[tellomon]

Why does a narcissist call me evil for being honest and realistic?

Short version is they don't like anyone calling them out on their bullshit. They see absolutely nothing wrong with what they do or say. They think they are perfect in every way. If you try to point out even a minor infraction, they will act like you are the world's worst person.
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Because being honest and realistic is contrary to their agenda. I asked the narcissist in my life why me saying the truth was worse in his eyes then him telling lies. To him, lying to others about what he was doing was acceptable as it made him look like either a victim or a hero; me telling the truth exposed his deceit and, therefore, was considered betrayal.

This comes from a skewed perspective of reality.
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He’s devaluing you & he is saying that to you, because he knows he’s evil, but he will never admit it & he has to blame somebody..... you!!
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Narcissists think of themselves as right 100% all of the time and want everyone to realize how brilliant they are and how only they see the world correctly.

When they ask you for your opinion they only want to hear that you agree with them.

They are reassuring themselves that everyone’s opinion is wrong, or that, once again, they are a victim of someone’s misguided ill feelings.

Either way, they only want to prove to themselves, and the world, that they are right and the rightful center of the universe. Your opinion won’t change a narcissist. They will target you for harboring truthful thoughts. They are not interested in the truth.

Update: A narcissist I know recently poster this on Facebook. “I do not argue with people because I know they are wrong”. This was a blank statement made when referring to anyone who holds a differing opinion to their own no matter what the subject. Others are not afforded an opinion. This is typical of narcissists but you just don’t often see them put it into words on a public forum.
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Narcissists DON’T have the knowledge of what TRUE REALITY IS so they mirror themselves onto you. It is their way of NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for any of their wrong doings that you question them about.
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Narcs don't like the truth or reality. I experienced being called a psycho for pointing out I knew he was cheating online. Yes they do this to hide the fact they constantly lie.
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In "People of the Lie", M Scott Peck writes "It is not the sins per se that characterise evil people, but the refusal to acknowledge it.. " ...." Actually, the lie is designed not so much to deceive others as to deceive themselves.

They cannot or will not tolerate the pain of self-reproach. The decorum with which they lead their lives is maintained as a mirror in which they can see themselves reflected righteously. Yet the self-deceit would be unnecessary if the evil had no sense of right and wrong (this is vital here, kg).

We lie only when we are attempting to cover up something we know to be illicit. Some rudimentary form of conscience must precede the act of lying. There is no need to hide unless we first feel that something needs to be hidden."

"We come now to a sort of paradox. I have said that evil people feel themselves perfect (scapegoating their negative feelings/self image onto others, kg). At the same time, however, I think they have an unacknowledged sense of their own evil nature. Indeed, it is this very sense from which they are frantically trying to flee.

The essential component of evil is not the absence of the sense of sin or imperfection but unwillingness to tolerate that sense. At one and the same time, the evil are aware of their evil and desperately trying to avoid the awareness. Rather than blissfully lacking a sense of morality, they are continually engaged in sweeping the evidence of their evil under the rug of their own consciousness.

We become evil by attempting to hide from ourselves. The wickedness of the evil is not committed directly, but indirectly as a part of this cover-up process. Evil originates not in the absence of guilt but in the effort to escape it."

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-a-narcissist-call-me-evil-for-being-honest-and-realistic

[tellomon]

Do narcissists ever go away?

GOOD QUESTION! I wish we could put them on their own little island out in the middle of no where.

Truth is, no one will keep them. No one wants to be around them when their true self comes out. So they keep coming back to the people that will put up with their craziness, gaslight them and move on to the next one. When they run out of people to bother, they come back. Viscous cycle.
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Narcs disappear when they realize the jig is up. They have pushed you so far, there is no return. You know who they really are - the mask has completely fallen. They know you are close to being done with them, yet, they have to beat you to the punch. At this point in time, I can honestly say I am happy he’s gone. No more drama, no more chaos, no more running to doctors to have STD screenings. A weight has been lifted. After time, you will be so happy they are out of your life for good!
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THEY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can only sustain them for a finite amount of time. They will disappear once you stop playing their game.
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They think they are a wanted, sought-after commodity. Believing everyone wants to spend time with them and be in their presence. They have no inkling that they are boring, lacking wit, humor, and anything worthwhile to any gathering, setting or conversations or dialogue. They also won't go away forever, because they know they aren't wanted and they do it to be mean and hateful and force their miserable selves on everyone.
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No. Narcissists can never rest. They are pitchers with a hole in the bottom. The very essence of life is constantly draining from them. They are PLAGUED by boredom, anger, frustration, angst and emptiness. They are vacuums that are constantly sucking every drop of energy that they can from the outside world because they have no energy of their own.

No identity. No self worth. No joy. No meaning. No fulfillment. Nothing. An empty void. Just like in the science of physics, the void creates the vacuum and the vacuum SUCKS with a constant fury. There is no rest. No peace. Nothing sticks. Nothing lasts. Nothing means anything for much longer than it is happening. They are empty again.

And again. And again. And again. They can never reach their goal. There is no goal. Just a constant struggle to survive and find some sort of satisfaction in the present moment before it’s gone again.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-ever-go-away

[tellomon]

What does a narcissist lack?

Self awareness, personal identity, self esteem, a moral compass, compassion, ability to truly love another, backbone, self control, self reflection. True happiness.

Self confidence, any form of happiness, a heart, self love,respect for others, love for their children, empathy, sympathy, status, peace, real friends, and now their partner.

Empathy.

Plus morals, self control, ability to be humble, parenting skills, ability to love whole- heartedly. Manners.

And sometimes you believe they have no soul either.

And possibly a heartbeat.
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Great question and the list will definitely be endless.

Moral values.

The ability to think about the needs of anyone else.

The ability to appreciate that children are angels from heaven. They should be nurtured and not used and abused.

The ability to feel empathy and love.

The ability to feel happy.

The ability to be authentic.

The ability to look within to become a better person.

The ability to act in a selfless way.
.
The ability to reciprocate love.

The ability to stop playing mind games.

The ability to declare their true nature at any stage of a relationship.

The ability to act in a transparent way.

The ability to have deep and meaningful relationships with anyone.

Basically the narcissist lacks the desire to act like a human being.

https://www.quora.com/What-does-a-narcissist-lack

[tellomon]

Does the narcissist intentionally introduce you to the new supply?

Probably depends on the narcissist. I had one loser narc that I dated a few times, over 2 1/2 years ago. He would say that his ex lived this restaurant and may come here with her boyfriend or maybe come to the carshow as she loves cars 🙄. He was trying to make us see each other. Triangulation-I wish I knew that he was a narcissist at the time.

He was keeping contact with her against my wishes, one of the many reasons I dumped him. He wanted us to see each other. He’s keeps calling me from No Caller ID/Unkown Number.

So yes, some narcissist losers want the present person to see a previous girlfriend. They are nasty pieces. Trying to work both women into a jealous frenzy over him. Such are their trains of thoughts.

Stay away and concentrate on other stuff and people, in your life.

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Oh absolutely. For somebody so cunning and secretive they give themselves away completely. They can`t help but talk about the new supply. In order to allay your suspicions they`ll say something along the lines…"She`s not very attractive but she's got a nice personality". Stuff like that.
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The only problem is they can`t stop themselves from talking about them. Later you finally meet and you catch the "in between glances" and your friends start to shy away from you….. they become involved and put on the spot. Next thing you know you`ve been ostracized from your group. That wine bar that you always considered `your own` has now been taken over by her and her mates. Yardy Yar.

Friends who you always believed were `in your corner` when questioned tell you `She is very exciting to be with`. This HURTS for all sorts of reasons. a) you are generally the best looking woman in the room…anywhere. b) you realise its not looks alone but you`ve always had a Gung Ho personality…even Bungy Jumping for the bastard to raise money for `his cause`. She, on the other hand liked to moon out of car windows. Exciting? Okay if that floats your boat. It obviously did his…but he was an extremely overweight, balding middle aged man who liked to see himself as a pillar of society.

Masonry…Rotary etc (for what its worth I was head hunted to become one of Rotary's first women members because they knew I could put their club back on the map with my parties, fund raising dinners etc)…so I was no slouch in that dept. I always dressed well…she on the other hand was gauche, couldn`t hold a knife and fork, with a profile that belonged on a totem pole. But when finally cornered and caught `Bang to Rights` he admitted she had Charisma. A girl friend had a tee shirt printed for me that said Nil Charisma. He wasn`t amused but entirely besotted.

I think what upset me most was being backed into a situation where I had to retreat in order to not feel like a jealous wife so I handed it to them on a plate. His MO was to Deny deny deny which he did to his dying day. His big mistake was allowing me the freedom to carve a new life for myself which was his undoing but we didn`t divorce (which I now regret).

Being the Narcissistic Control Freak he was, he still managed to dictate how my life should be even when I moved to a different country. Finally it all came `on top`as he grew diabetic, had various heart attacks and then needed me to look after him. She went on to break up another marriage and has since divorced. Such is life. It was mostly a waste. Mine.

He died in my arms aged 83. A sad sorry specimen. Oh, my nephew on his own deathbed confessed that his Uncle and "that woman" had "explained" themselves to him. He said it was like his father telling him he`d been bonking the woman next door while his mother was cooking Sunday dinner. But I always knew, in spite of his protestations. I was never enough.. but I was NEVER going to be enough. Or any other woman. He was ego driven, poor poor thing…but I'd sure as hell like to have my life back. End of rant.
_____________________________

They might. Most often they do, because it is intentional, as you noted. They want to feed off of your feelings regarding the new supply.

I’ve known narcissists quite well. Let me tell you, they actually laugh and think it’s funny to see your reactions when they have a new supply. This can be anyone, even a parent triangulating one child against the others.

The best thing to do is pretend they don’t even exist. Don’t give them that satisfaction.

The narcissist should be dead to you. They are dead. They mean nothing, and they are nothing because they aren't even real people.

https://www.quora.com/Does-the-narcissist-intentionally-introduce-you-to-the-new-supply

[tellomon]

Why are narcissists
so rude and mean?

They disrespect to feel superior.

They disrespect when they are feeling inferior.

They disrespect when they have no reason to put on a show.

They disrespect because they are “being funny”, lighten up, why are you getting agitated? It was a joke.

But if you said the same thing to them….you’d be hearing shite about it for years. Like a broken record.

They disrespect to get a rise out of you.

They disrespect what they can’t have or control.

They disrespect anything that invokes envy.

They disrespect to diminish you.

Disrespect is their baseline.
___________________________

I'm going to tell you why. Because narcissist are demonic. The female narc is often possessed by the demon Jezebel and she will lay with whomever she pleases, whenever. They are GARBAGE! The worst form of despot their is. Don't entertain trying to keep one. They are just like trying to love a demon from Hell. Can't be done. I promise on everything, it's a waste of your time and it will destroy your life. Toss the parasites.
___________________________

Narcissists believe in instilling fear and fear those who can harm them if messed with. So narcissist will never disrespect those whom they fear can harm them back or expose them, but will be manipulatively disrespectful to the harmless ones (their obvious target).

Even then, the real narcissists will only begin to show their contempt for their target once the target is isolated within the narcissists comfort zone. However, the narcissists will create and propagate a perception that their target is disrespectful in projecting the target eventually as ‘narcissist’, and hence deserving of the abusive treatment. Hence, one has to actually study scenarios to actually identify who is actually being disrespectful.

When we are dealing with a narcissist, we cannot just rely on a primitive definition that narcissists are still a child. That is why narcissists try to infantilize their target through abuse, behavior manipulation causing bitter frustration and eventually extracting a reaction that can be attributed to a childish behavior, and show that the target is a narcissist.

The more you show respect to “real narcissists” the more abusive they become towards you and call you disrespectful when you ask them polite questions, because Narcissists love to sabotage those who respect them. Narcissists wants those around them fear them, not respect them.
_____________________________

They are very insecure people with very fragile egos by nature lack empathy for others and are incredibly self absorbed

When they treat you badly for no valid reason it is all in an attempt to control you and keep you at their disposal.

They don't feel bad either, they feel entitled and justified to treat you like sh!t.

Its actually rather pathetic when you see just how insecure these people are. They never developed fully. They are still playing pretend and make believe.

They have to hurt you to not feel bad about themselves. They rather feel in control of how they make you feel since they hate the way they feel about them self. They are little insecure people who can never be equally responsible in a healthy adult relationship.

A relationship to a narcissist is somewhat like a relationship you would have with a child. You are the adult they are the child. They throw tantrums, have no reasoning skills, and to argue with one is like trying to prove your point to a 4 year old. You will never win because they're reasoning does not make sense.

Deep down they have insurmountable insecurities and they avoid dealing with their own issues by mind-screwing people like you and I.

They lack empathy for whatever reason (could of been they had narcissistic parents and learned from them or perhaps they were given everything they wanted all their upbringing and never grew out of getting what they wanted by throwing a fit…etc no excuse to be a brat still as an adult we grow out of that selfish childish nature and its a choice).

They have no boundaries for others. They walk all over us with no regard or without ever feeling bad.

If unaware of what is going on then its easy to get sucked into their deceptive world of bullshit without even knowing it. Once they gained your emotional attachment is when they most likely will demonstrate their ‘true’ nature by degrading, devaluing, sudden withdraw, gaslight, silent treatment, disappear, the list of vindictive tactics go on.

They feed off attention of others. They feel the need to control you to keep you around to stroke their ego because they are so insecure. So pathetic most of them actually deep down under their mask have no true sense of self worth. And this reality they will avoid at all costs and especially at sake of harming others.

They just want people around to be involved in their lives to make them feel important and never have to deal with their insecurities. They are so fake. They are not fair. They want you to be devoted to them regardless if you want to or not. They don't care what you want. They care only about what is beneficial to them.

They need your validation. They need to demonstrate the power they have over you by treating you in unimaginable ways to create havoc and chaos in your mind thus keeping you forever bonded to their destructive and ugly secret nature of hating who they are.

https://www.quora.com/Why-are-narcissists-so-rude-and-mean

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists run away?

What makes a narcissist run away is when you start calling them out. When you stop seeing them through those rose-colored glasses, and you see their true self. When you start speaking up for yourself, sharing your opinions, and not falling for their manipulation or lies anymore—when you start asking questions. Basically, when they're held accountable or have to take responsibility, that's when a narcissist runs.

They'll give you the silent treatment, smear your name, and spread lies to make it seem like you caused all the problems. They'll go to mutual friends, family, co-workers—anyone you both know—to get them on their side as fast as possible.

They'll gaslight you, breadcrumb you, get angry, discard you, and try to make you feel like it's all your fault. They'll start pointing fingers, shutting things down, pulling away, and giving you the cold shoulder.

So, if you know someone is a narcissist, you have to be ready to be done with them. Because if you speak up, they’ll start discarding you, manipulating you, gaslighting you, and trying to control the situation. If you plan to confront a narcissist or suspect your partner is one, you have to accept that the relationship is likely over once you speak up.

Narcissists hate being called out or checked because they believe they’re perfect and that everything they do is right.

If someone is bad-mouthing and smearing someone else, ask yourself, "Why are they saying all this?" It could be a narcissist trying to control the situation because someone called them out.

They’ll gaslight you, give you the silent treatment, and then get rid of you. They'll find someone else who believes their lies and fantasies. So, when you call out a narcissist, be prepared to leave. Go no contact, or they’ll keep bringing drama into your life.

Narcissists hold grudges and do all sorts of things. That's just how they are. When I say "calling someone out," I mean setting boundaries and saying, "Hey, I didn't like it when you did this." When you set boundaries and ask for respect, a narcissist will run.

It’s not about your feelings; it’s about the narcissist. If you don't like them, they'll get rid of you, and it won’t be pretty. There will be consequences. When you call out a narcissist, it’s like going to war. You have to be ready to fight because they won't stop. They'll spy on you, keep tabs on you, and make sure you're not stepping out of line.
____________________________

They run away because they know you’re in the right and what you’re saying is facts and they don’t have nothing to back themselves up or they’re just afraid of being in the wrong. When you call them out on the things that they do they’ll try to change the subject completely because they know that everything you say will sabotage their whole mindset.
___________________________

Because they are cowards.

Narcissists are quintessential cowards; hence their bully’s posturing. Bullies will bully as long as they can get away with it. If confronted with a situation they can’t “win” or a person they can’t outdo or control, they will exit the scene to avoid consequences and/or humiliation.

An NPD family member of mine often attacked and fled, breaking things and slamming doors, and then leaving others terrorized and abandoned in the wake of his irrational rage.

Developmentally they are little children, after all, filled with buried shame and carrying the weight of their grandiose compensatory facade.
___________________________

They are hollow, shallow and devoid of true substance.

They puff themselves up because beneath it all their fragile ego would crumble to dust if the light of truth ever penetrated their darkness.

Their life is like an abandoned room filled with cobwebs, dust, spiders and moldy curtains. The windows of their souls shattered with jagged edges. Life has seeped out of the gaping hole window of their existence. Any sign of human warmth, empathy or emotion has been replaced, zombie-like, leaving behind a wretched twisted creature, doomed to live out his or her experience as a parasitic leech - unable to exist as a healthy fully functional being. They suck the life blood out of those who are fortunate to feel, think, laugh and cry.

In essence they have sold their soul to the devil and are nothing more than vampires.

If you shine light on them, turn a mirror of truth towards them or calmly enquire as to their bizarre behavior it may be enough to send them slithering away to eek out new prey.

The above worked for me. It’s been nearly a year since I told my covert narcissist husband that I was finished. Luckily for me he moved very far away and we have zero contact.

Each day is a clean fresh breath of air ever since that demonic beast slunk away.

My wish for anyone out there currently trapped by one of these ghouls, is that you find the key to exterminate them from the interior of your soul.
___________________________

Well, it’s a mind scrambling mad list. But you asked so here it is..

being unmasked

losing supply

things aren’t rosey with current supply

things aren’t rosey in their life in general

moving between supply

Breakup with a secondary supply who might let the cat out the bag

loss of money

loss of status

loss of job

someone has caught them in a lie

someone has caught them cheating

primary supply is ill

they are ill

They hide when they can’t maintain the perfect image of a winner.

They hide when they get caught in their own dirty web.

They hide when life bites them in the arse.

They have to maintain a perfect illusion at all costs. So when a narcissist goes quiet you can be sure that the sh!t has hit the fan for them in some way.

And they likely deserve it, too.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-run-away

[tellomon]

Will a narcissist be happy
with someone else after moving on?

They will not be happy with the new person.

Remember, you were new once too. What they did with you they will do with the next one and all the ones after that. Narcissism is a set of rigid behaviors that are destructive and crazy-making. The narcissist is a very disordered person who desperately needs people to validate them but cannot help driving those people away.

Rest assured they do not change. They will not suddenly pull a 180 and walk off into the sunset with someone else because you were the bad guy. They want you to think that. It’s just their nasty parting gift after the discard. Don’t believe it because it’s a lie.

Thinking a narc will change is like thinking a snake will change. It only sheds its skin.

It’s always still a snake.
_____________________________

Your first issue is worrying about how happy they “won’t” be after moving on. The f*ckers never “move on,” but you can. And they aren’t happy. They mimic happy, that’s it. But they are damn good at it.

If you don’t believe they never move on, then contact them. If they don’t answer the first few, or hundred times you try, keep trying. Sooner or later they will need something from you, and the proof will be in the pudding.

What you need to worry about is if you can “move on.”

But you see, for “us” the ones who went through the merry-go-round of manipulationville, it is no easy feat.

Breaking the trauma bond is such a small part of “us” moving on. The residuals will hang around for some time no matter how much you think you’ve “moved” on.

Then after the residuals, you will see your little nuggets of toxic you brought to the relationship. And I’m telling you, it can be debilitating.

You have the toxic residual from them, then you are introduced to your shite you have going on too.

The narcissists doesn’t “move on,” they just move to a most clueless person who puts up with their bullshit. Just as you did.

Sooner, or later, that person, the next person and the persons after that are going through and asking the same question you just asked. Wondering if they are happy with the new person.

Has nothing to do with “moving on.”

The most important part of this sh!t can’t be explained, only experienced. Just like the abuse itself.

You have to “move on” to realize you aren’t moving on.

Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

What is it you need to see, you ask?

The hidden version of yourself you didn’t know exist.

It’s in there.

Keep moving on and you will catch a glimpse.
_____________________________

The narcissist doesn't genuinely feel happiness.

They will stay content as long as they don't get exposed.

But understand the fact that narcissists have a big gaping hole where their heart is. Incapable of empathizing with others.

Although they can act very well.
________________________________

Yes of course they will. And let’s be clear, they were in a relationship with your replacement long before they discarded you.

If not before, then they had someone(s) all picked out and were working on them while they were devaluing and abusing you. Happiness always fills a new relationship whether or not a narcissist is involved. That is until the honeymoon phase is over. Narcs will be over the moon with their new shiny partner until the newness wears off and then devaluation starts. Or, if the replacement stops giving them the supply of resources they need and crave then it is game over also.

But happy? Narcs are never happy even when they are pretending.

They can’t attach emotionally to anyone so they pretend but that is not real and a setup for disaster in a relationship with a pwNPD. Because they cannot form meaningful bonds with ANYONE their relationships are shallow and always on shaky ground and their disorder prompts them to seek out something “better.” It is a vicious cycle and how can THAT be happy?
______________________________

Sure. For a New York minute.

The narc will be exhilarated during most of the love bombing time. Eventually, though, the person will start acting like themselves - with likes, and wants and desires; these won’t match the narc’s, so the narc will get all confused and angry. Then the narc will believe you purposely deceived him/her, and so the devaluing starts.

Plus, you have to remember that narcs have to deal with boredom A LOT. Even if you were wonderful at the beginning, the narc will ALWAYS get bored with you. Then they start looking for someone else.

The narc is nothing but a little child playing with a toy. When the toy is new, the narc is happy. After a while, they toy isn’t new anymore, and the narc gets bored. Then the narc goes looking for a new toy. Wake up people. This is the way it is with a narc.

https://www.quora.com/Will-a-narcissist-be-happy-with-someone-else-after-moving-on

[tellomon]

Why is it important
to ignore a narcissist?

Let us look at it this way.

You have an old beater of a car. The car still looks good but mechanically it continues to let you down. It is undependable, it is frustrating and it negatively affects your life because you are putting everything into this car just to keep it running so you can get on with your life. It becomes so discouraging that this object that you have loved and cared for is not giving you anything back.

One day you go out to your precious car and the POS will not start…again! You have had enough. You have dumped too much time and too much money into it. You call a tow truck and have it junked, you are done. You feel bad, you miss that old car. You loved it, took care of it and when you first obtained it, it was good to you and for you. Man, you miss that car.

BUT - do you miss it enough to go to the junk yard and have it towed back to your local mechanic so you can dump more love, money and time into it? No, you remember all of the heartache it gave you. You leave it where it is and you move on. You eventually get over that old car. You might think about the good times you had with and in that car, but you still leave it alone.

This is what you must do with a narcissist. You MUST junk it. It is not a person with any humanity. It is broken and no mechanic has the skills to fix the narc, ESPECIALLY YOU! You cannot allow the narc back into your life. Their life is the junk yard and they were (and are) trying to suck you into the yard with them.

In time you got a new(er) car. One that is dependable and trustworthy. One that you took care of and it takes care of you. It gets you where you need to be in your life. It takes you to work and back home. It takes you to the hospital when your father is ill. You drive it through the mountains to clear your head. Although just an object, you can depend on it.

If you ignore the narcissist, in time you will find someone who loves you as much as you love them. You will take care of each other, respect each other and support each other. This person will not want you in the junk yard, they will want you right next to them no matter where you end up.

If you fail to ignore the narc, you will never get out of the junk yard. You will die broken and abandoned next to many other victims the narc abused. Your life will be crushed, but unfortunately not recycled. That is why you must ignore the narcissist.

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-best-to-ignore-narcissistic-mind-games

[tellomon]

Narcissists can't seem to get out of their own way. 
1 step forward, 3 steps back.
How a Narcissist Faces Their Karma
Through Self Sabotage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz6x1G0U8Bo

[tellomon]

Living simply and building character is the best way to rid oneself from the narcissist's evil influence.
8 Ways Narcissists
Create Toxicity, And How To Detox

Time reveals that narcissists aren't just difficult, they are toxic.  They approach you with damaging, erosive, and infectious patterns.  Dr. Les Carter highlights eight of the most common ways they create toxicity, then discusses key strategies for detoxing.



@carolnahigian9518
9 hours ago
their love is a ONE WAY STREET: you love them; They USE YOU.


@BaraSchmidt
10 hours ago (edited)
While it may seem that a "Meet fire with fire" approach may work with a Narcissistic individual, don't buy into that mindset. It's like the old adage: "It's like you are drinking the poison in hopes of harming them!"
They live for that!! Stop the game at the start. Pivot to the Healthy side of life! See you there!


@snowbear1877
5 hours ago
They always flip it around. If you try to stand up to them, they distance themselves from you and make you out to be the problem.


@yukio_saito
2 days ago
As the video note says, their toxicity is infectious. It's essential to keep social distancing with them forever.


@shannaeverson641
8 hours ago
This has been my life w my husband 28 years. I am separated and trying to detox now that I've gotten away from all this. Exactly to a T what I have lived through. 4 years of help now from a narc parent and now a husband. Toughest days but I'm gonna get better and I'm on board with Healthy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqR56N5dmmg

[tellomon]

Every Narcissist I have dealt with in my life has been Machiavellian.
So I think of it as one and the same.
The Truth About Machiavellian Narcissistic Abusers

@lienlael3196
1 year ago (edited)
I was exposed to a female Machiavellian Narcissist for over 20 years. I totally forgot who I was, and start with the symptoms you've described. She manipulated my mom and dad, and abused them financially in a very sneaky way, almost unnoticeable. This argentinian lofty and arrogant woman is a freaking witch. She presents all the behaviors you've described here in this video. Her only daughter ended up a narcissist and she now is ruining her husband's life in all manners and ways possible. These are diabolical entities dressed as humans.


@dannettepeters1507
1 year ago
Our government is full of these characters!!


@sarahs5340
3 months ago (edited)
Five years on/off with a malignant: The way they treat those around them is disgusting.
I became so hyper-vigilant and my anxiety became so high that it massively affected my life. Digestive issues! I had to get out. I finally stopped loving him. He finally stopped being interesting to me and I saw the situation with him for what it was. I don’t know why “figuring him out” became such a fascination for me, but it did. Working on getting my own life! Working on having healthy boundaries.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WBOXJuERic

[tellomon]

Sabotaging the lives of people is sheer entertainment for her. They live for this. They also live to pit people against each other.

Top Signs You are Dealing with
A DANGEROUS FEMALE
Malignant Narcissist or Sociopath

In. today's video Jill explains what exactly to look out for to determine if someone in your life may be a very dangerous female malignant narcissist or sociopath, and what to do if you are.



@The_Super_NOVA
6 months ago
I've been targeted by multiple women like this. Their coincidentally combined efforts ruined my friendships, relationships, love life, and jobs. Do not underestimate them! Run while you can!!!


@mustafanaser9789
10 months ago
I had such a women. She has literally destroyed my life. I got severe depression because of her narcistic traits. Once I got severely depressed she left me. Now she is terrorising the next one.


@stephenestall9044
1 year ago (edited)
I am 78 years of age, and have a sister five years younger than myself who fits the mould of a dangerous malignant narcissist perfectly. I've had a lifetime of her destructive evil ways, but three years ago, after another scene, I decided I needed to go 'no contact' to keep my own sanity. Unfortunately. this has also meant me withdrawing from her children and grandchildren too which has been a very distressing thing for me. It is unbelievable how much damage these lying, manipulating, evil people can cause to close family members. My heart goes out to similar recipients of this terrible abuse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNUwCsXSwqA&t=137s

[tellomon]

What does it mean when a narcissist doesn’t bother to talk to you after the discard?

When a narcissist doesn't bother to talk to you after the discard, it could mean a few things about how they see the situation:

First off, it's important to remember that narcissists often have a different way of thinking than most people. They might not see relationships the same way. So, if they're not talking to you, it could be because they've moved on to something or someone else that seems more interesting to them at the moment.

It might also mean that they don't feel the need to explain themselves or their actions. Narcissists often focus on their own needs and desires, and they might not think it's necessary to have a conversation about why they've decided to end things. They might assume that you'll figure it out or that it's not their responsibility to talk about it.

Another possibility is that they're trying to assert control or power. By not talking to you, they might be sending a message that they are the one in charge, and they get to decide when and if communication happens. It's a way for them to maintain a sense of dominance in the relationship, even after the discard.

The best day of your life so far is gonna be the day when the narcissist completely stops talking to you because that'll be the day that you can start your new life where you're focused on yourself, your own goals, and your own healing.
_______________________________

It means you have been given a great gift. Hoping to be contacted again by someone who has abused you is like hoping your cancer will metastasize. Don’t wish for it, and be grateful for every day of freedom you have.
_____________________________

It certainly is a positive sign! This is what you want. That is what is should look like. Just remember they are out there. Its not unlike them to text ,call ,whatever, out of the blue . Its a shock when it happens. NO CONTACT. Who cares what they want, NO CONTACT.

Just know, they are out there, but don't give a shite about them. You don't need me or anyone to tell you that much!! Enjoy that you are done with them, get on with life.
______________________________

It could mean a number of things.

S/he is busy with the new love interest. (You’re just an annoyance at the moment).

S/he is busy grooming the new love interest while you’re being punished. (And smearing your name around town).

You’ve discarded him and by doing so inflicted injury. He is raging (pouting) and wanting you to reach out. (So he can smuggly brag to friends while humiliating you).

His massive ego is preventing him from contacting you (whom he believes is of lesser quality).

He is afraid you will rat him out to the new girl. (Whom is quality supply and he’s not done with her yet).

He is testing your discretion and patience as a possible side chick. (Your supply of support, money, drugs and sex is worth keeping around for emergencies).

He is sizing up your commitment to him, and comparing you to the others. You have not made the cut yet. (He’s just going to have sex with a few more to make sure he makes the right decision).

He has not yet hit the level of desperation he will need to kiss your ass for another go at destroying you emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. (because he’s trolling for someone better). (Naive and unaware).

The strength and confidence you have demonstrated as your relationship was ending has made him uneasy about contacting you. He’s afraid of rejection and your insight puts his charade in danger. (You know too much and he needs someone naive with weak boundaries to groom for his purpose.)

You are better than this, and you know it. He is not good for you, and you know that too. It’s going to hurt but that pain is not a life sentence. It will get better. Take this gift of power and control and walk away with grace and dignity.

You’ve got this.

https://www.quora.com/What-does-it-mean-when-a-narcissist-even-doesn-t-bother-to-talk-to-you-after-the-discard

[tellomon]

5 Creepy Things a Narcissist Does When the Relationship Ends

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tLSD5LfUwY

[tellomon]

All that prophecy about the Kingdom Of Heaven. Jesus said "You'll know them by their fruits"
What Would Jesus Say About Narcissists and Narcissistic Abuse?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQ8vYCDupdw

[tellomon]

When you're caught in a narcissist's grip, you don't even realize it.
WHEN YOU ARE IN IT
YOU CAN’T SEE IT

When you are in it, you can’t see it. When you are in the narcissistic abusive cycle, it is hard to recognize where you are. You weren’t taught narcissism 101 in school so you didn’t know there was a name for the kind of relationship you were in. The narcissist however, knew who they were and what they were doing to you. The narcissist, always has the advantage over the target until the target breaks the chains of the narcissistic abuse of cycle and goes no contact and heals properly. Now once you’ve healed, you can identify and see the signs of toxicity. You can say no the strongest word in the English language. You can leave the narcissist in the past boundaries slow your life down and begin to reach the pinnacle of indifference the mountain top of indifference. Sending strength and positive energy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1R1idLqfOk

[tellomon]

They shut you down because they don’t want to hear truth about their behaviors. They use deflection or silence to confuse you. Ask yourself would you call someone “argumentative” if they had a concern or question about your behaviors?. Narcissists imbue insecurity in conversations to maintain control. Be strong.

[tellomon]

VegasGirl Show with Ron Tello
HOW LONG AFTER YOU DONT PAY RENT DO YOU GET A 3 DAY NOTICE

Light discussion on the eviction process, Narcissism, The Line Fire and a preview about Tello's Upcoming YouTube Show.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms9uPllZupc&t=1137s

[tellomon]

The more you love a narcissist, the more they hate you..
5 Hidden Gifts Narcissist Hates
You For Having

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uXh5w1aiD4

[tellomon]

It's all about control. Once you accept that fact, you'll understand.
Why The Narcissist Stops Having Sex With You

In this video, we delve into the perplexing and often painful reasons why a narcissist might stop having sex with you. Narcissists are known for their manipulative and self-centered behaviors, and their approach to intimacy is no different.

When a narcissist withholds sex, it is often a tactic to exert control, manipulate emotions, or punish their partner. This sudden withdrawal can leave you feeling confused, rejected, and desperate for answers.

By understanding the psychological mechanisms at play, such as the narcissist's need for power, validation, and their tendency to devalue their partners, we can gain insight into their behavior. Join us as we explore the signs, reasons, and ways to cope with this challenging dynamic in a relationship with a narcissist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-To1KJarhMc

[tellomon]

What are some possible reasons for the immaturity and childish behavior of narcissistic individuals?

Narcissists act immaturely for a variety of reasons. One major reason is their lack of empathy, as they sometimes fail to recognize the emotional needs and feelings of others. This can lead them to think that their own opinions are more important than those of anyone else, creating an issue where they can come off as childish or selfish in their interactions with other people.

Additionally, narcissists often have difficulty dealing with criticism due to the fact that they view themselves in idealized terms and feel extremely sensitive when confronted with anything which challenges this image.

Rather than being able to take constructive feedback on board or even just accept it gracefully, narcissists will often react defensively and resort back to immature behavior like name-calling or sulking.

Furthermore, many narcissistic individuals end up feeling insecure about not being ‘enough’ and need constant attention from others as a means of validation for their self worth - something which does not bode well for emotionally mature relationships or interactions within society at large.

In order to continually get these boosts from external sources, narcissists may display immature behaviors in order to extract favors from those around them such as trying overly hard to please people or telling jokes that no one finds funny but make them laugh anyway.

Ultimately this type of conduct only serves further damage the relationship between the individual displaying it and everyone else involved; if left unaddressed though, these narcissistic tendencies can serve harmful effects on personal well-being if gone unchecked over time too - so if you suspect someone close may be struggling then please do reach out accordingly!
______________________________

Narcissist suffer from Arrested Development, which is a term derived from the psychological effects of an adult man or woman, who has experienced childhood parental neglect.

To be more precise, problems in the parent-child relationship during each childhood developmental stage (infancy, toddler, adolescent or teenage years).

Arrested Development is being emotionally stuck at a certain age, depending on the timing of the experienced trauma during the developmental stages.

Past childhood traumas and or disturbances can also contribute to Arrested Development as well as abuse, car accidents and death.

It is important to know, that depending on the severity of the trauma experienced, each development phase impacts how the adult will handle the affects psychologically and emotionally.
_______________________________

Well - one should think a grown up person who acts like he owns the world and acts like he has the right to dictate and control all and everything would somehow base it on some mature decisions at least.

But if we speak of a narc that is quite the opposite. Which seen from a distance can lead to some rather hilarious predicaments for the narc sometimes - sadly when we approach closer we realize that the ones being in the predicaments are the victims of the narcs. There is absolutely nothing funny about a grown up person with a certain portion of power at hand when he acts out immature as a toddler.

But a toddler is what he is - developmentally.

The reason for this, psychology tells us (and this is the exact same reason so many empaths and people with a great sense of empathy so easily feel sorry for the narc and wants to save him from himself) - the reason is that mentally, developmentally, the narc stopped developing in a very early age.

The time where the childs’ soul was so traumatized that instead of “facing the world through the joys and pain the world brings” - the toddlers soul/mind/personality call it what you wish took on a self-protecting-strategy that meant letting go of anything that could even in the slightest way resemble a personality of its own - some were left with a little “leftovers” and some went all the way.

You see it in the rage and fury the narc can put up - you see it in the way he argues - the way he wants everything for himself - the way he can leave anyone behind with no second thought. It is all the immature infant pattern.

The narc never learned to become mature - because the trauma has kept him in that phase he was in when he was traumatized. And since narcissism develops in a very early age than most of them act very very immature.

(Mind you, in my answers I always use a male example. There are female narcs too, fewer, but equally vicious).

Sadly the traume that has caused the NPD is neurological which means not even all the collected empathy in the world could change a narc. This is, to me, the worst of it all. The utmost heartbreaking is to love a person and know you have to leave him because you will without a doubt crash and burn - some even kill themselves! - and you have not moved him one single bit. I think it is horrible to know. But not accepting this will drag you down in the Hell the narc lives in too. There is no point in that!
________________________________

They don't act immature. It's who they are.

Here's how it works.

To become mature, you need to understand the concepts and logics about life and learn from your experiences.

As you mature, you develop principals and morals.

The thing about these sh!ts is, they have no moral values, social ethics or respect for other people.

So they often come off as immature.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-possible-reasons-for-the-immaturity-and-childish-behavior-of-narcissistic-individuals-even-if-it-is-not-their-fault

[tellomon]

"Narcissism flourishes in Government, Media and anyone else permanently stuck in a shirt or skirt".

Biggest Loser in Trump-Harris Debate Was Neither Candidate, Viewers Blast ABC’s Bias

By Mick Farthing
September 11, 2024

The media loves to protect Kamala Harris. Every time she stumbles, they rush to her defense. They twist the facts, spin the stories, and make sure she gets a free pass. Whether it’s dodging tough questions or spouting off misleading stats, the press is right there to clean up her mess. It’s almost as if they’re afraid to let her stand on her own.

But it’s obvious to anyone paying attention. During the recent presidential debate hosted by ABC News, the moderators were practically working for Harris. They fact-checked Trump in real-time while letting Harris get away with repeated falsehoods. It was so blatant, social media lit up with critics calling it the most biased debate in history. ABC didn’t just drop the ball – they threw it out of the stadium.

From Fox News:
The biggest loser in the first (and likely only) presidential debate between Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Trump was ABC News, which hosted the faceoff. The moderators, David Muir and Linsey Davis, embarrassed themselves and their network by, among other things, fact-checking Trump in real time on more than one occasion – sometimes incorrectly – while allowing Harris to spout serial lies and distortions.

Let’s break down some of Harris’s biggest whoppers that the media ignored. First, she falsely claimed that Trump would push for a nationwide abortion ban. That’s not in any manifesto of his. Then, she dredged up the old “very fine people” line from Charlottesville, which has been debunked time and time again. But ABC’s moderators stayed silent

She also blamed Trump for overseeing the worst unemployment since the Great Depression, conveniently forgetting that it was caused by a global pandemic. Harris claimed Trump opposed IVF, denied calling for gun confiscation (despite video evidence), and repeated the tired claim that Trump’s tax cuts only benefited the wealthy. And perhaps the biggest stretch? That she and Biden “created” 800,000 manufacturing jobs. Not true. None of it.

Despite these glaring inaccuracies, the moderators focused their fact-checking efforts on Trump. They grilled him, interrupted him, and let Harris off the hook. It was three against one. But that’s what we’ve come to expect from the liberal media.

Trump, for his part, didn’t play the game as well as he could have. While Harris was polished and rehearsed, Trump meandered at times. He had the facts on his side – a strong economy pre-COVID, peace in the Middle East, sanctions that crippled Iran’s influence – but he didn’t hammer them home like he should have. Instead, he veered into old talking points, claiming once again that he won the 2020 election.

That was a mistake. The media pounced on it, reviving the narrative that Trump is a “threat to democracy.” He missed opportunities to press Harris on real issues, like her failure to curb illegal immigration or the flood of fentanyl killing Americans.

Still, Trump had his moments. He reminded viewers that Biden and Harris kept his tariffs on China because they worked. He called out their supposed job “creation,” pointing out these were simply rebound jobs from the pandemic. His closing statement hit the hardest: Why hadn’t Harris delivered on any of her promises over the past three and a half years? Why hadn’t she fixed the border or created jobs?

The moderators didn’t ask those questions. But the American people should.

Key Takeaways:

>The media consistently protects Kamala Harris, allowing her to avoid accountability for misleading statements while aggressively fact-checking Trump.

>During the ABC News debate, Harris made several false claims about Trump’s record, including misinformation on abortion, Charlottesville, and job creation, which went unchecked.

>Trump missed some key opportunities to challenge Harris effectively, but his strongest moment was questioning why she hadn’t addressed major issues like the border or job creation during her time in office.


Source: Fox News

https://pjnewsletter.com/biggest-loser-in-trump-harris/?utm_source=tpi&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=TPI09112024BR2IE

[tellomon]

Biden Flips on
Kamala .....

#MAGA

[tellomon]

NARC DONUTS

Look what Dunkin Donuts said about Rumble

Rumble
rumble.com
From:
newsletter@rumble.com

To:
RonTello

Wed, Sep 11 at 8:18 AM

Hi Rumbler,

Dunkin Donuts decided they don't want to advertise on Rumble because they say "the right wing culture of the site is too polarizing".

I responded to them with this video: https://rumble.com/v5ecanp-dunkin-donuts.html

(I trashed their coffee).

Join Rumble Premium so we can survive without these discriminating brands.

Use code "dunkin" to get $10 off Rumble Premium.

Tell your friends to do the same. Together we can end this blatant discrimination by Corporate America.

Thanks,
Chris Pavlovski
CEO of Rumble

444 Gulf of Mexico Dr.
Longboat Key, FL 34228, USA.


reneny3
1 day ago
Guess they didn't hear about the Bud Light boycott. Big mistake!

daryljohns
1 day ago
Sounds like we need to do a Bud Light boycott on this company. No more DD for me!

Punkin432
1 day ago
Dunkin you just lost my business. You siding with the Democrats who are evil tells me who and what you are. Your coffee is way too expensive anyway. I hope you get boycotted.

[tellomon]

What is it that narcissists don't want you to know?

Here are some things that narcissists don't want you to know:

The really hurtful thing they said or did that you called them out for. You know, that one topic that always keeps coming up, and they keep telling you that they didn’t know it would hurt you so much, but then they repeat it. Yeah, they know it’s hurting you; they just don’t care.

If you are constantly fighting and arguing with a narcissist, they don’t have any interest in fixing it. In fact, they thrive off the drama and the chaos. So, while you’re over here trying to fix the same fight you’ve had seven or eight times—because it’s absolutely exhausting—it fuels them to keep fighting with you. And then all they have to do is trick you into thinking that they don’t want to fight anymore either.

A narcissist does not want you to know what they’re doing when they stonewall you. They block you, they ghost you, but it’s never innocent. Remember, narcissists are transactional people; they’re never doing something unless they can get something from it. If they’re refusing to communicate with you when you’re begging them to talk, it’s because they’re either trying to gain control over you or doing something that you can’t know about.

Another thing narcissists don’t want you to know is the real them. They present themselves at the beginning of the relationship as more successful, more respected, and more well-liked in the community than they actually are. They need to appear as an extremely desirable romantic partner, so they exaggerate and lie. Any failed relationships in the past are never their fault—oh no, that ex was crazy, and this ex was crazy.

They know they are falsely inflating their self-image to suck you into their web of abuse. They will never stop doing this with each partner.

In the love bombing phase, it’s an integral part of their personality disorder. Narcissists don’t want you to know that they only have so much time before you catch on to their games, their lies, their manipulations, their inauthenticity.

At some point, you’ll start to question why their actions don’t line up with their words. They know this because they’ve had relationships time and time again, so they will try to trap you quickly. They’ll try to get you to move into their house, sell your house, move into your place, get engaged fast, and tell you that they love you on the first few dates.

Then, they’ll devalue you and start to dig at your self-esteem so that you feel like you can never leave. But you can leave, and you should leave. You should get away from these people.
____________________________

Their REAL strategy from day one. The truth is all about destroying you in every way and never building you.

They want you to multiply the kingdom of the evil one. If you won’t do that, then face destruction.

They are the worst kind of parents.

No child is ever safe with a narcissist.

The more they harm you, the more they enjoy it.

They are brilliant actors. Impressive and their level of mirroring can be so good, it can easily fool you.

Narcissists want to keep you their victim until you suicide. When you do that, they will feel extreme pleasure at how powerful they are.

A narcissist is always an enigma. You may have lived with this individual for 50 years but really and truly, you can never say you know that person as they act all day long every single day.

Narcissists do not have an identity. They are like a chameleon changing whoever they are to take advantage of any situation.

Their depth of evil is not human. Sorry it just runs too deep.

All narcissists are abusive. What differs is the depth of their evil.

A narcissist is always cheating you in every way. Accept it.

If you slight a narcissist, they will steal or destroy what is most precious to you. Just to show you how powerful they are.

All they care is that you give them supply. Your pain equals supply. Your pain equals pleasure. So make sure you put them on a diet from supply. Learn self discipline.

All narcissists are weak in character, and they are f*cking cowards. To become strong in character, we must remain authentic and face our challenges.

The abuse is always intended and the abuse will always increase.
____________________________

Narcissists don't want you to know their true intentions, who they really are, what they are capable of, and what they have done in the past. Narcissists do not want you to see behind their fake facade; The MASK. They want you to only accept them, because of their deep-seated fear of rejection and abandonment.

They don't want you to know they are only in it for themselves, and that they are takers and not givers. They don’t want you to know that they will try to destroy every opportunity they get.

They won’t tell you that they know you’re strong, and noble which makes them weak and immoral.
They won't tell you that they need you far greater than you ever needing them.

They won’t tell you that your happiness reminds them of their inability to happy.

They won’t tell you that they have a great deal of self-hatred, and self-loathing.

They won’t tell you that they fear rejection, and hate being called out on their behavior or criticized for anything.

They won’t tell you that they live a double life with many different skeletons in their closets that will scare you like the boogie man.

They don't want you to know that they don’t care about you and have no ability to care about you, and for you. They do not have access to attributes like compassion, empathy - and only think about what they want or need from others.

Despite all that, the narcissist will do everything possible to manipulate you, to give them that much more leverage over you as a way to control you.

They don't want you to know that they are unable to generate good feelings from within, because they have nothing good to offer except chaos, confusion, and emotional terror.

They don't want you to know that there is a significant and profound fear of abandonment residing at the core of their inner psyche. They deal with inner demons, and emotional torture.

Underneath the confidant exterior is a weak, vulnerable, and insecure individual who is empty, shallow, and afraid. Narcissists do not want you to know that it is in your best interest to run from them, as fast, and far away from them as you can.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-it-that-narcissists-dont-want-you-to-know

[tellomon]

Does a narcissist know
when their behaviour is out of line?

Yes! And they step down… for a while - but never because they feel any guilt or remorse. It is only to play the hard Card of - Cold Indifference. Mean hateful cold arrogant prideful stance - as though they are the offended party.

All to make you grovel and plead for their forgiveness. To once again attempt to deem yourself worthy to be in their presence. So mind boggling and leaves you dumbfounded at first- but once hooked & vested in the commitment- I continued to try. They know when they have gone to far when you retreat into your thoughts and reflection.

When they see that you have stopped reacting and take your self into consideration. That makes them - take a reprieve from the bombardment, rage and insulting comportment. Just for a time. Until they get you back to the allowing and accepting stage.
_______________________________

All relationships with narcissists are asymmetrical in their dynamic structure. One of the two of you is on the lower tier of this dynamic. The one in control and calling all the shots is the guy/girl on top. When do narcissists realize the gig is up? When the power dynamic shifts and the victim starts to rebel, the narcissist will feel the imbalance and panic.

Depending on the victim’s resources, sustaining the efforts toward personal responsibility will begin to embolden the victim to move on. Beginning with the first sustained withdrawal, the narcissist knows he/she has lost control.

Without much intellectual depth and unable to process the significance of their contribution to your withdrawal, the narcissist is left to stew in the juices of his unrequited loss of narcissistic supply. No longer alienated from her own identity, the victim and the victimizer start to exchange roles.

The moment when the victim no longer tolerates the peculiarities of a one dimensional relationship, is when the abuser begins to face the reality of his own insignificance. In the absence of a victim to manipulate, the perpetrator is left to bare the brunt of his own pain.
_________________________________

Yes—this is part of their thrill.

They know full well when they crossed the line then sit back and watch and wait to see what your reaction will be. If you finally have “had it” and try and break up with them, they will immediately go into hovering mode to win you back. This is also part of the thrill for them—the ability to re-manipulate you and bring you back into its web.

Once this is accomplished, the narc will then proceed to “punish” you for ever trying to break up with them in the first place. It’s a wicked cycle of non-stop mind games all played to keep you under their spell.

https://www.quora.com/Does-a-narcissist-know-when-their-behaviour-is-out-of-line

[tellomon]

What did your
NARCISSIST
do to you?

https://www.quora.com/What-did-your-NARCISSIST-do-to-you

[tellomon]

 
From:
JH Simon
jhsimon@substack.com
To:
m86thecat@yahoo.com
Thu, Sep 12 at 1:50 AM

Every Narcissist Is Unique

In the DSM-5 manual, one of the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder is ‘A belief that he or she is special and unique…’

After years of contemplation, I have finally decided that it is time to give narcissists their time in the sun. To admit that, yes, they are indeed unique —except not in the way they think.

Same Old Narcissist

When people talk about narcissists, there’s a ubiquity to it, as though ‘the narcissist’ is one person. In the collective psyche, ‘the narcissist’ is a bogeyman, someone to despise and avoid. The best spell or weapon we have against this bogeyman is called ‘no contact’. Otherwise, if you simply stand still and do not transmit any emotions, the narcissist should lose their scent and leave you alone.

The narcissist’s traits and strategies are well-documented and widely-understood. Selfishness. Manipulation. Fantasy. Dishonesty. Infidelity. Gaslighting. Reactive abuse. Idealise-devalue-discard. The narcissist will suck your emotional life out of you and spit you out when they are done.

A narcissist is so predictable. Once a person’s behaviour fits the label in some way, they seem to lose all uniqueness as a human being. They become the label, and everything that comes with it. Narcissist.

The reality is far more complex. Yet is is not the narcissist’s favourite colour or the way they flick their hair which makes them unique — it is the narcissism itself. More specifically, it is the core trauma behind the narcissism which makes the narcissist unique.

A Recipe For Disaster

Complex trauma manifests in various forms, many of which are rarely spoken about in the popular discourse.

The Cluster A, B and C Personality Disorder map (BELOW).Every narcissist has some of each, with some being more dominant and visible than others.

The schizoid response makes someone aloof and detached from human connection. Paranoia creates mistrust in the world. The more psychopathy someone develops, the more likely they are to manipulate others for the own end. The histrionic wants everyone to desire them, and uses their sexuality to maximum effect.

The borderline is emotionally dysregulated and self-destructive. Perfectionism and codependency as coping mechanisms lead to either over-investing or under-investing in people and life in general.

The fact is, all people with complex trauma are plagued by all of these responses to some degree. The reason we have a label for a narcissist is that their narcissistic symptoms dominate. Yet no narcissist is a true believer, just as no living organism remains the same. The narcissist is still a human, with a unique set of experiences, relationships and DNA.

The nature of the narcissist’s original wounding is also unique. Narcissists who were chronically neglected tend to fall into the schizoid response when times get rough. Those who were micro-managed by a narcissistic parent may become overtly narcissistic. Some narcissists are almost always in control, yet fall apart during a crisis and self-sabotage like a borderline. Anti-social behaviour might not be possible in certain environments, but when a narcissist breaks free and enters urban anonymity, then their psychopathic response is likely to activate. It is far easier to manipulate people who don’t know you well.

Environment, life situation, even luck produces a complex trauma ‘recipe’ with a unique blend of the above ingredients. Four cups of chronic neglect, a tablespoon of paranoia, a dash of schizoid, a cup of histrionic, a sprinkle of psychopathy, and voila; you have a narcissist.

The Freedom To Not Know

Narcissists can be incredibly adaptable. They will often shift their behaviours in response to the world and people around them. A narcissist can be brutally dominating in one relationship, while friendly and appeasing in another. They can string one person along for years, then start trying for a baby with someone they met last week. Sometimes a person with complex trauma will have a strong grandiosity exterior, yet at their core be more borderline or schizoid than narcissist. Some are psychopaths in disguise.

No narcissist is the same, and it is time to stop behaving as though they are. When we learn to see narcissism through the lense of complex trauma, we can better measure reality. A narcissist is a constantly-shifting kaleidescope of many personality responses, not a ‘definition’.

Rather than trying to take the perfect snapshot of a spinning kaleidescope, we need to accept that it is the kaleidescope itself that is the problem. Whether someone is acting from paranoia, or psychopathic self-interest, or narcissistic selfishness, or is acting out their borderline response in a fashion that is destructive to themselves and you, it makes no difference. Toxic is toxic, no matter how you look at.

Trying to understand the madness will only drive you mad. Instead, listen to your gut. Use the moment of crisis as an opportunity to deepen your relationship with your True Self. The core issue is that you were programmed into a predictable set of behaviours by someone who wanted to reduce you to a source of supply. Seeing the problem through a set of ‘scripts’ and ‘checkboxes’ keeps you in this ego-based mindset. True recovery means reclaiming your right to feel and think authentically. To be open to the world as it is.

This is what freedom from narcissism looks like.

Check out my Books on Narcissistic Abuse.
https://www.howtokillanarcissist.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-book-how-to-kill-a-narcissist

You can also Buy Me A Coffee to support my writing,
https://buymeacoffee.com/jh_simon?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

or Become A Paid Member of my Substack community to get regular premium articles and ask questions.
https://jhsimon.substack.com/subscribe?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

[tellomon]

Do narcissists know they need narcissistic supply?

Does a drug addict know they need drugs??? Does a alcoholic know they need alcohol??? YES!!! Supply is like drugs and alcohol for a narcissist.
_____________________________

Narcissistic supply is a fancy term psychologists use to confuse you. For a long time, psychologists have been trying to erase the idea of evil from people's minds.

Narcissists don't just want attention or admiration—they want your life energy. They want to drain you of your vitality.

Positive supply, like praise or compliments, just helps them build their fake persona and feel like their mask is working.

But what they really crave is negative supply. The truth is, narcissists are more like psychopaths who are addicted to causing pain and humiliation.

If all they needed was positive supply, you could make them happy with nice words and actions. But that never works, because narcissists love the power and control that come from abuse.

Real power, to them, is shown by making others suffer. When someone suffers, it proves they have control over them.

As the character in "1984" learns in Room 101, making someone suffer is true domination. Narcissists want to dominate you at any cost. You can't make them happy. The more you suffer, the more it feeds their sense of power.

That's why so many people ask, "How do I get my narcissist back?" You can't. It's no longer fun for them if you want it.

Narcissists know they need your pure, unfiltered suffering. Nothing else will do.
___________________________

Yes, many narcissists are aware, at some level, of their need for narcissistic supply. Narcissistic supply refers to the attention, admiration, and validation that individuals with narcissistic traits seek from others to maintain their self-esteem and self-worth.

While some narcissists may consciously recognize their need for this supply, others might not fully understand the underlying reasons for their behavior. They may crave attention and validation without being aware that these needs stem from deeper insecurities or a fragile self-esteem.

In general, narcissists often engage in behaviors aimed at securing this supply, such as seeking out admiration, dominating conversations, or belittling others to feel superior. Their actions are typically driven by an unconscious need to bolster their self-image and mitigate feelings of inadequacy.
________________________

They know they need attention, they know that they spend every waking hour looking for, manipulating some one for attention, they know they make up lies, portray themselves as things they can never be or do just so someone anyone will tell them how great they are.

Without those words of positive admiration without the positive attention from all of the little people they drop in energy, they become angry completely abusive, they direct all of that negative anger toward usually one particular person, they will push until that person reacts and tells them off, negative supply it's just as tasty to them and in some ways more satisfying, their true nature is negative in some ways it let's them be honest and get what they want.
____________________________

Like a drug addict self medicates with their chosen drug....a narcissist self medicates by using other people….its about keeping their inner scales of emotion regulated and balanced.

They are unable to do this by themselves as they have a underdeveloped ego so they constantly need validation (fuel) from an external source. They define there own well being in context to how much fuel they are receiving. They cannot be alone for too long as the inner scale will tip from a feeling of superiority {the false self} to inner shame and self hatred (the true self).

This can never happen as the pain is to much to bare so they are constantly in pursuit of validation to self regulate that inner pendulum ….to keep the false self propped up…

So to answer your question “do they know”?

I think that the compulsion to require fuel overrides cognitive thinking and they are no longer in control of the desire for fuel..they are just acting on pure need {like the drug addict}…so no..I don't think they “know”.

To quote Sam Vaknin

"A narcissist is an constant state of exhaustion due to there lack of self".
______________________________

I believe they subconsciously know that they can’t do things on their own although they might not admit. They always need people to be around for them to get the attention they crave. They get depressed when they are left alone even for a short while.

When their partner gets busy at work or needs to go away for some reason, the narc will spend their time with the side supplies they’ve organised all along and If they do get caught cheating, they blame it on the partner to have left them alone in the first place.

If they do end up doing anything on their own, say gardening or cooking up a dish or going on a solo trip, they have to post that on social media. How else would the people around them would know that there is this perfect angel from Heaven ?!

I have never known of a narcissist who has done even the simple things in life without the people around them knowing of it.

They need the attention as how the blood cells need oxygen.

They are nothing without it.

https://www.quora.com/Do-narcissists-know-they-need-narcissistic-supply

[tellomon]

What is a narcissist supply? Stop boosting the narcissist's ego!

What is a narcissist supply?  In this video I go over narcissist supply definition and provide narcissist supply examples. Narcissists in relationships can led to emotional abuse and toxic relationships.

Gaslighting, love bombing, and manipulation are present so the narcissist can maintain their narcissist supply. Narcissistic abuse is draining and as a narcissism survivor you may have experienced trauma bonding which makes leaving more difficult.  Codependency may be a reason why someone stays with a narcissist and is victim to narcissistic abuse, but that doesn't mean you deserve it!  Learn how to not be the narcissist supply any longer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9RydOGhuMc

[tellomon]

How do you keep calm
when a narcissist is
trying to upset you?

The games my narcissist is playing is really starting to wear me out. How do I stay calm and in control?

The games they play are designed to wear you out and wear you down. They want you to get so tired or upset you enough that you just give up, say the hell with it I’m just going to do it and maybe they’ll shut up. Well, you’ve probably already found out that they won’t the demand will just shift to something else and the pattern will repeat itself. The manipulation worked once it should work again and unfortunately it often does. If you get upset they will use your negative response against you as positive proof you are toooo controlling and crazy because you are preventing them from doing whatever.

Another thing you need to learn is to say NO! Don’t argue about it a simple NO and turn around and walk away. Don’t give them a chance to wear you down, or poke and prod you into losing you composure or temper. That will disappoint them but you’ll feel good about it because you will have take the power and control of the situation away from them. Kind of like taking the x-box away from a kid.
____________________________

If I can't get out for a long walk I go into the garden,I find weeding, planting,just connecting with the earth grounds me, I make a jug of herb tea,lemon balm and chamomile,sometimes I'll play music. I swear my fingers on the strings of the fiddle start smoking when I'm wound that tight I just play faster and faster.

Sometimes I'll listen to music and dance in the kitchen until I find my smile, I sketch in a notepad. I call them my emotions drawings. A Work out helps, running too. If you don't have much room or can't get to a gym it's amazing what you can get out of having a few weights at hand. Exercise is a great way to release anger energy and turn it into something positive.

When I used to have to meet my ex I'd fill up on calming teas and spend at least an hour with my feet up relaxing, listening to music, and plan what I'd do when I got home. Then I'd set up whatever I'd need for it, paints/seeds/instruments. Decide what I'd make the kids for dinner so I didn't have to think outside of my internal processing. This routine meant I didn't react because I wasn't wound up going in and the second I got home I had some creative positive task to lose myself in for a while.

In the end it's about them having zero effect on your emotional stability full stop and you'll get there when you realize it's still giving them what they want, to have an effect on you. Like the kid that does something bad because attention of any kind is better then none. It'll pass, hopefully some of my coping methods will give you ideas.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-keep-calm-when-a-narcissist-is-trying-to-upset-you

[tellomon]

" So, my Narc is still playing savage head games, manipulating the world for her gain and my misery. Recently I sent her an email with a link to a part I need to repair an electric heater. This was after I asked a Roomie to help finance it and deduct from his rent. He could not afford it. When the Narc found out, she freaked, was upset and a total butthead about it. So savage was her response, I am sworn to secrecy about it, but it was inhumane to say the least.

Then, recently, I get this email from her. Note the lack of empathy, landlord duty or human respect. And how about her crazy DEMANDS? She won't talk to me but she
will with James. I sense this is an act of stalking, but clearly the sign of a coward. Here goes:"



From:
Sherry Kopack
To:
m86thecat@yahoo.com

Fri, Sep 6 at 10:23 AM

Is the thermostat for the buddy heater that I bought for you last year? If it is, why did the thermostat go out after only one winter of use?
Bob Wells has made negative comments about those buddy heaters. I don't remember what propane heater he says is better. But if the cost of the thermostat is under $20., I suppose I can get it.

You need to report to James about all that you do, and the hours you have put in. The hours must add up to 5 hours a week. James will be taking photos of your completed jobs. Please keep a list. James and I are creating a list of everything you need to keep up on. You say you don't know what all you can do when you finish the jobs?

Some of these jobs are an ongoing one. Pine needles are always falling. Please keep them cleaned up. When I come up there once a month, I expect to see that the jobs are done. You must keep up with the snow shoveling as well. I don't want to come up there and walk on top of snow that has not been shoveled. Please keep the pump uncovered from snow as well.

When you can prove to me that the jobs are being done, then I will pay for your propane once a month, on the first.

"There's not 5 hours of anything to work. Her demands are insane. What's more, is the landlord's duty to provide heat. Look at these details.."


Must a Landlord Provide Heat in California?

California landlords have a legal duty to look after the well being of their tenants by ensuring the rental property is fit for human habitation. Part of this obligation is making sure you are not too cold in winter. Generally, the landlord must supply heating to the main rooms and keep the heating system working.

https://www.weekand.com/home-garden/article/must-landlord-provide-heat-california-18042456.php
_______________________________

Cal. Code Regs. Tit. 25, § 34 - Heating
State Regulations

(a) Every dwelling unit and guest room used or offered for rent or lease shall be provided with heating facilities capable of maintaining a minimum room temperature of 70 degrees F at a point three feet above the floor in all habitable rooms, and when the heating facilities are not under the control of the tenant or occupant of the building owner and/or manager, shall be required to provide that heat at a minimum temperature of 70 degrees F, 24 hours a day. These facilities shall be installed and maintained in a safe condition and in accordance with Chapter 37 of the Uniform Building Code, the Uniform Mechanical Code, and other applicable laws. No unvented fuel burning heaters shall be permitted. All heating devices or appliances shall be of the approved type.

https://www.law.cornell.edu/regulations/california/25-CCR-34
_____________________________

"And to top that off, beside being forced to either freeze or hustle, there is the mental torture element":


Emotional Abuse Is Now Considered Domestic Violence in Some States. Where Does California Stand?

What Is Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse can take many different forms, but generally, it is defined as any behavior that is designed to control, intimidate, or isolate another person. This might include threats, name-calling, put-downs, constant criticism, withholding affection or love as punishment, isolating a person from their friends and family, monitoring their movements and communications, or even controlling them financially.

In some cases, emotional abuse can also escalate to physical violence. For example, a partner who is constantly yelling at their partner or trying to control their every move might eventually resort to hitting them or keeping them from leaving the house.

https://www.losangelescriminaldefenseattorneyblog.com/emotional-abuse-is-now-considered-domestic-violence-in-some-states-where-does-california-stand/

__________________________

What is Coercive Control?

Coercive control is often described as an “invisible” form of domestic violence since the abuse and trauma are not immediately apparent. It occurs when someone, for example, is forced to isolate from friends and loved ones or when they are prohibited from accessing their own bank account or other economic resources. In effect, the abuser is making the victim cut all ties to the outside world so the abuser can exert a significant level of control over the victim’s life and daily activities.

https://castrolawoffices.com/blog/california-law-coercive-control-form-domestic-violence/#:~:text=Statutory%20Definition%20of%20Coercive%20Control,include%20examples%20of%20coercive%20control.

"If it comes down to a battle, I will ask the tenants to deduct from their rent, give it to me so I can provide the necessary heating I will need to survive this winter.

I have reported on these Blogs before...the absolute refusals of Social Services to help me.

I suspect that has something to do with me being a "Targeted Individual". See here:"


17 Signs that You are a Targeted Individual
https://www.ozroundtable.com/index.php?topic=8316.msg730996#msg730996

"Sh!t can get much worse if nobody will help me. My upcoming YouTube show promises to be very revealing, behind the scenes of Gov. tomfoolery and The Sherry Tapes!"

[tellomon]

Narcissists Twist Things: Ignorance or Strategy?

In this episode, The Little Shaman discusses communication with pathologically narcissistic personalities. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESbPRD8Bx8E

[tellomon]

How can one identify if someone has narcissism without getting too close to them?

Check for humbleness. A humble person will never have a superiority complex.

Does this person make you feel as though you rock his/her world? Put up your antenna.

Narcissists tend to give you this feeling early on in this relationship.

Are you convinced this is your soul mate early in the relationship? I bet he'll will beat you up black and blue. I know. I have been there.

Test for self control. Is this person speaking with f*** this and f*** that, avoid this personality.

Behavior under stress like traffic or something else. Catch them unawares please.

How they behave with people who do not count on any agenda? Waitresses/park attendants, etc.

Love bombing is intense. Do you get the feeling that you are being bombarded by messages and calls? Run for your life please!

Test for empathy but catch them unawares.

Release information to boyfriends/girlfriends in trickles. A narcissist would want to know you intimately to be able to mirror you. Leave your persona a mystery. Avoid personal questions please in the first six months.

Avoid intimacy. People won’t have STDs written on their foreheads. And narcissists are cheaters. And if you are intimate early on, that may hurt you more once you discover this was a narcissist.

Check out for lies. If you have to, write down a summary of what he/she has told you on each date and compare or else keep yourself alert for new information.

Check out identity. What is their social media like? What is the impression you get?
 
Please do not dismiss red flags. In the beginning it is easy to block but the deeper you go, the more difficult to let go.

Research the tool box of narcissists. Make sure you know it well as some of these are real cunning and intelligent.

Never be over confident that you can smell them. That may be your biggest trap.

Let trust develop gradually. Never, ever trust anyone unless this person proved himself/herself.

Is this person obsessed with image? That is a huge red flag!

Check out relationships with family. Is this a family of narcissists?

Too good to be true. If you ever get this feeling, please be on full alert as most probably you are dealing with a Hollywood style actor/actress.
___________________________

How can I identify a narcissist?

They take up way to much space in your life and in your mind. If you in general feel exhausted after a relatively short amount of time with the narc, it's a good sign, it's a narcissist. You feel things moving to fast forward and you are not given time to reflect.

They don't really care about you. Words and action is far apart. If you feel that they don't have any real care for you as a person, you feel uncomfortable in their presents, after a while. You feel that you sooner or later will end up under the bus. (Their stuff, interests, and opinions, needs priority over yours).

They compete with you and they need to win. When you have a feeling it will get you in trouble if you stand your ground and ask for respect of your boundaries, it will be perceived as a personal attack against the narc. (What's her problem? Just forget about that paranoid hag).

When they feel injured, they will quickly project their weaknesses onto a discarded person. When they talk about past relationships as if they're ex was jealous, crazy, psychopath or a losing idiot, it could be a sign. “(I was in a relationship with this crazy, delusional mental case. I had to leave, because I can't be controlled 24/7)”. They project their short comings onto other people in their lives.

It's about me! me! me! When all conversations end with them talking about themselves or superior skills or dramatic events, it is a strong sign. They are truly bored when other people speak. (I was at the hospital too last year. At the hospital they told me I had been dead for 25 minutes when they brought me back to life. They had never had a more difficult open appendix operation before).

They don't listen to you or to anyone really. They're memory about what you have told them about yourself is weak. (Why have I not heard about this)?
____________________________

Narcissistic people are never wrong. They are by definition codependent, yet are not willingly forthcoming with such awareness. They continually contradict themselves and, when attacking you for trying to help them, they describe themselves. You can not win a rational discourse with a narcissist. They will turn your concern against you while embellishing reality to make themselves appear to embody the exact altruism you practice.

You will know when somebody is narcissistic when you feel horribly cheapened by trying to be their friend.

If they ever shut up, it is not to listen to your offering to the conversation, rather, it's a necessary breath they must take in order to gain enough oxygen into their head to expound more of their unfiltered, self-centered thoughts.

You will know someone is a narcissist if, when they breach an agreement, they threaten you or somehow insult you in the face of overwhelming evidence of guilt.

Avoid. If you can. Just don't turn on the news. One of these narcissists is gonna nuke the planet.
__________________________

I look for a cool, collected demeanor, with an aura of superiority suggesting the person believes someone died and left them a hereditary title. Even in the covert types, the right to be treated very well in all circumstances, beyond what anyone deserves, is quietly or vocally asserted - they start the game on your 20 yard line. They’d scoff at any similar demands from someone else, of course.

For this part of what I’m describing, think Lucy Van Pelt from ‘Peanuts’; Lucy fits the facade most narcissists quietly or brashly project, and she keeps the other characters off-balance in the same manner that narcissists do. Lucy assumes her privileges over others as if it’s the most natural thing in the world - a state of things which no sane person could ever question. If Lucy were a coward, she’d be a perfect cartoon equivalent of a narcissist.

Next, lack of empathy: Narcissists don’t just tune out when others succeed or suffer; they become hostile and have trouble saying the appropriate things at others’ graduations, hospital beds or funerals. They’re faking sympathy, and will tend to sound wooden and insincere in situations in which it’s required to express it. They are only comfortable with misery in others when they themselves are causing it, because in that situation it is about them, not the victim.

They all seem to have a victim act, but it’s not always obvious from the start: their misfortunes are everyone else’s fault, they give tirelessly and are exploited by no-good people everywhere, et cetera. Human relations for them are competitive, with a winner and a loser, and they will describe the world as a place of zero-sum interaction, where someone comes out ahead and someone else loses in the course of every human relationship: They won’t state as much, but their worldview will come out if you piece it together from their words.

They need to feel in control in social interactions. Waitstaff and other hospitality workers are a safe space for narcissists, because they can schmooze with people who are paid to listen. As for real-life, unpaid interactions, any significant other or friend will exhibit docile compliance or extreme patience - those who won't are tossed without delay.

Finally, take stock of how much they actually tell you about themselves. Spend enough time with one, and you’ll learn about your flaws - including some you didn’t know you had, because you don’t, since it’s just the narcissist projecting. But what you won’t learn about directly are the narcissist’s qualities.

Other than one unguarded moment early in your acquaintance - the human impulse to level with others is too powerful for even narcissists to resist - they’ll keep themselves locked away. You will find yourself inferring their qualities from indirect evidence rather than any sharing on their part.

If you find yourself thinking this person never relaxes in company, and seems cold and lifeless when not just flat-out awkward, you should step back and consider if that’s what they’re really like, and you’ve been faked out by their demeanor and skillful image management one-on-one.

Look for low ability to level or communicate about their feelings. There will be no apologies; at best they make amends through gestures like an impromptu dinner at which nothing will be discussed.

With each narcissist I’ve known, my final conclusion - beyond their nightmarish, unfeeling reality - is that this person is boring: Just a locked beige door with a security camera over it. They’re locked down so tight that not much of anything has happened inside their minds to make them interesting.

https://www.quora.com/How-can-one-identify-if-someone-has-narcissism-without-getting-too-close-to-them

[tellomon]

Ron Culley

From:Ron Tello
m86thecat@yahoo.com
To: margaret@rimfamilyservices.org


Fri, Sep 13 at 10:53 AM

Hello again; I trust you remember me.

When I had first contacted you earlier this year, you gave me referrals.

They referred me to others.

And the chase was on to secure the basic help I needed.

I had reached out to Adult Protective Services and Inland Fair Housing Mediation Board.

EVERYBODY HAS REFUSED TO DEAL WITH ME.

I believe "somebody GOT to them".

All I want and need is a qualified professional to inform my ex-girl and present landlord to stop the hostilities, do the right thing and stop being a bully/criminal/narcissist.

She has denied me heating fuel last winter, and now she is playing a cruel game of "Do for me and I will do for you".

Here's the story:

https://www.ozroundtable.com/index.php?topic=8312.msg731234#msg731234

I sincerely expect a reasonable reply from your office soon.
Give me a Mediator before very bad things may occur.

Thank you.

-Ron Tello Culley

____________________________________


 
From:Margaret Tiefenthaler
margaret@rimfamilyservices.org
To:
Ron Tello

Fri, Sep 13 at 11:47 AM

Good morning, Mr. Culley:

Are you currently paying rent? if not, then the requests that the owner of the house is making are not only not unreasonable but she is going above and beyond by not filing for eviction against you. Secondly, even if you are paying rent, maintaining the property that you are renting is a standard expectation.

God bless and best regards,

Margaret Tiefenthaler, Peer and Family Advocate
Rim Family Services
40880 Pedder Road / PO Box 4095
Big Bear Lake, CA 92315
909-255-1492
margaret@rimfamilyservices.org

__________________________________


From:Ron Tello
m86thecat@yahoo.com
To:
Margaret Tiefenthaler

Fri, Sep 13 at 1:05 PM

Thank you for your fast reply.

I see that you do not understand the intricacies of this situation.

I was invited, brought and delivered into this house 9 years ago under the pretense that Sherry and I would resume our Domestic Partnership. Co-habitation.

In all reality, I was used as "Narcissistic Supply" Look it up. My Narc Blog is loaded with the details.

I was brought here, used and abused and then ABANDONED.
There's laws about that, too.

I was never obligated to "pay rent" I did, and do chores.
I maintain the building and grounds, handle trash and recycling.
That's all. Her recent demands are mindless;
a ploy to further manipulate me, regardless of her legal duty to provide heat.

I still do regular chores, I am entitled to heat without discourse or animosity. There is not
5 hours of work per week to be done. Therefore this demand is insane and impossible to fulfill.

Her efforts to evict me have been based on emotional dysphoria, and were improper...no Proof of Service and not filed with the Court.

This is an abuse of authority and of the Legal System. I have received at least 10 30-day notices over the past 9 years without follow-thru. She has no valid Legal Grounds to act against me. And the "Living Space" in question may be in and of itself Illegal.

She put me here, and now claims that I am trespassing, squatting and that my opinion does not matter. I have her on a phone recording claiming that she hates me. Is this the behavior of a rational, responsible landlord/human being? (Bad phone calls are also a crime.)

The damages are in her head.

This is called "Narcissistic Injury", whereas, the Supply was not good enough to satisfy the Narc's endless need for attention and admiration. They "Discard" people who no longer serve their nefarious, self-centered purposes.

Narcs get bored and cheat and gaslight and lie. And they do not care about Law or human dignity and respect.

You have offered me no solution. Siding with the enemy is not a good look.

Until you, et al fully understand Narcissism, there is no point in continuing our chat.

I shall persevere further with my own devices.

-RTC

[tellomon]

Do narcissists snap at little things, yell/scream at you and then take off without wanting to talk about it in person to solve the issue?

https://www.quora.com/unanswered/Do-narcissists-snap-at-little-things-yell-scream-at-you-and-then-take-off-without-wanting-to-talk-about-it-in-person-to-solve-the-issue

[tellomon]

Stay away from people that can't see any wrong in their actions, but see every wrong in yours.

This is a valuable life lesson that can help you maintain your mental well-being and avoid toxic relationships. Surrounding yourself with people who are self-aware, open to feedback, and willing to grow can lead to healthier and more positive connections.

These individuals may try to shift the blame, gaslight, or manipulate others to avoid taking responsibility for their own mistakes. Being around them can lead to feelings of frustration, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It's essential to recognize the signs of toxic behavior and prioritize your own emotional safety.

Instead, seek out people who are accountable for their actions, empathetic, and supportive. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. By surrounding yourself with positive influences, you can cultivate a supportive network that lifts you up and helps you grow as a person.

Remember, you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, and it's okay to set boundaries or distance yourself from those who don't meet you with the same kindness and understanding.

[tellomon]

Why do narcissists discard you and leave you with no answers?

To make you chase and prevent you from healing, letting go and walking away

I‘ll explain.

Because many narcissists are very predictable and not as intelligent as they think they are, it’s fairly easy to see and understand why they discard their partners, loved ones and friends with no answers and no closure or clarity.

They do it because they believe and expect it will make you chase them.

Because when you don’t know:

what went wrong
why they suddenly withdraw
why they ghost you
why they give you the silent treatment
why they switch from being loving and kind to spiteful and hostile within a day

They know that it will cause you to doubt yourself, to try and please them, to obsess over them, to go crazy over this situation and to chase them.

And you’re not the only person affected by this behavior.

Chances are very high that they have done this with many people before you, do it with the people they’re dating now and keep doing this with the people in the distant future.

It‘s how they keep their supplies for admiration, respect, love, validation and attention.

They get off on this.

And this is why walking away, refusing to play their stupid game and never chasing a narcissist is one of the most powerful things you can do.
_____________________________

Narcissists leave you when they no longer envy you. By that stage nobody does.

Narcissists are biologically unable to love — a lifetime of habit has rendered this impossible.

Narcissists envy.

What they envy, they seek to possess, and if they cannot possess it, they will destroy it. Sensing your weakness — fake and phony OTT, melodramatic affection, the narcissist moves in to acquire you. Once you have been acquired, you will be rendered down, and the things the narcissist envies will be acquired or destroyed, until nothing of you remains.

However they must still feed, so it's on to the next.
__________________________

Because they want you to stay out of their life. Why? So they can keep living their lie without being exposed to others. You will be so convincingly attacked in his other groups you couldn’t keep up with the accusations.

A narcissist can tell a lie more effectively that you can tell the truth, so they are counting on you to give up trying to defend yourself, and just go away. .why? So they can keep living their lie without being exposed to others.
___________________________

It’s all about Control.

It’s yet another immature power play that is very similar In action to the silent treatment which is meant to punish you.

When you are discarded like this, for many it will be like starting at the end of the riddle and working backward to figure out all the WHYs. It’s normal to not understand these behaviors associated with narcissism.

It’s kind of like finding a dead body left with no clues. You would be questioning everything in your search to find the cause or murderer.

Sadly, through much pain and doubt, you’ll come to see that the clues were always there but you didn’t know it at the time because you were unaware and playing perfectly in their little game, and then suddenly you weren’t…..

Now the game is over and you are left with no answers and can’t make sense of this disordered game you were in.

They play to win and they did win in their eyes and now they can go play that game with someone else.

When you were adoring and happily sacrificing your needs to please them you were good but anything less they cannot handle and see as criticism and will mirror it back to you x100.

They do not have normal defense mechanisms and see every little thing as criticism and an attack. They need to be right and think know best.

They cannot tolerate feeling controlled.

The all-good or all-bad thinking makes you the enemy when they feel attacked so they will hurt you and will have zero empathy aka they don’t give two f*cks about your feelings. So if you feel destroyed too bad -See Ya

This is like North Korea … there is no negotiating unless you agree to their terms. Hey but watch as another missile just went off.

Isn’t this how things have always been resolved? You just put up with sh!t it got dismissed and swept under the table. Your feelings were hurt and you resented it. There was never any compromise or mutual problem-solving where you both worked on things. You were always letting them get away with things and they were never really sorry before.

They don’t waste time sticking around to clean up their mess when they can just blame you. The silence and discarding absolve them of any wrongdoing. You can run after them and beg them to forgive you now but you will never have any closure.

You are left to take the pain and blame and doubt your existence. Just a parting gift they left for you.

They're not suddenly going to be self-aware and take responsibility by admitting any fault if they have NPD. That would mean you were right the whole time and then they would have to go back who knows how many years and take the blame!!! OMG … imagine having to give up all of that power and control.

NEVER. They have to protect themselves.

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-narcissists-discard-you-and-leave-you-with-no-answers